Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Letting Go of Privilege
By Rob Okun
o listen to the vitriol coming from a chorus of men whose voices regularly clog the airwaves, its easy to conclude theres an epidemic of foul mouth disease threatening to overrun the country. The harsh voices warning of Armageddon during the health care debate, and the bitter diatribes directed at President Obama, as well as civil rights veteran John Lewis and liberal Barney Frank (both members of Congress, one an African-American, the other gay), have primarily been male. (Okay; there is also Sarah Palin, a pit bull with lipstick.) While the media highlights mean-spirited expressions of manhood, there is another side of the storymen around the world working for gender equality. Under the umbrella of MenEngage (www. menengage.org), there are hundreds of groups and organizations that understand the crucial need for men and women to question conventional attitudes and expectations about gender roles in achieving gender equality. Among their efforts is a men and gender equality policy project under way in Brazil, Cambodia, Chile, China, Croatia, Mexico, South Africa and Tanzania. Founded in 2004, MenEngage is dedicated to involving men and boys in working to end violence against women and in redefining old-style notions of manhood. As a member, Voice Male shares the alliances core beliefs that manhood is not defined by how many sexual partners men have, or by using violence against women or men. Its also not defined by how much pain men can endure, or by how much power we can exert over others. It certainly isnt defined by whether were gay or straight. Rather, manhood is defined by building relationships based on respect and equality; by speaking out against violence in society; by having the strength to ask for help; by sharing decision-making and power; and by how much we as men are able to respect the diversity and rights of those around us. Sounds good, doesnt it? Sounds achievable. So what gets in our way? The power, privilege, and sense of entitlement we enjoy as men. Taking a hard look at privilege weve long enjoyed is a manly thing to do, if by manly we mean courageous, thoughtful, and caring. What happens for men when we question the entitlement we inherited simply by being born in male bodies? What shifts
Voice Male
So tightly have men been holding on to what we perceive as our birthright, few of us have considered what treasures await us if we let go.
for us when we no longer assume that social conditions favoring us are right, or just, or normal? A transformation begins. A door opens, an invitation to explore our inner lives is extended, and its suddenly not quite as scary to spend time exploring our feelings. We become more available to ourselves and to women, men, childreneveryone in our lives. So tightly have we been holding on to what we perceive as our birthright, few have considered what treasures await us if we let go. How to compare discovering ones heart opening versus needing open heart surgery? How to equate surrounding ourselves with symbols of wealth versus surrounding ourselves with circles of friends? A new Men and Gender Equality Policy Project report by MenEngage members notes, In far different ways than women and girls, boys are also made vulnerable by rigid notions of gender and masculinities. Conventional expressions of dominant masculinity, ample research confirms, drive dangerous rates of alcohol, tobacco, and substance abuse, car accidents, occupational illness, and suicide. In such a world, everyone loses, not just the men. For the most part, the report says, programs and policies have not fully tapped into mens and boys self-interest for change, particularly in the positive experiences many men report as they become more involved in caregiving and family relationships. Careful not to pit the needs of men against the needs of women, the report promotes forging alliances among womens rights activists, civil society groups working with men (and male leaders), the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender [communities] and other social justice movements. Noting the common interests all these groups have in ending gender inequalities, the report advocates taking up gender equity as a cause not only for women and girls but also to reduce the pressures on men and boys to conform to harmful, rigid, and violent forms of manhood.
That pressure to conformcombined with a sense of privilegeis a dangerous combination. While Voice Male has long reported on both, we cultivate the middle ground where men are exploring life after letting go of the pressure and giving up the privilege. This issue is a good example of that exploration. We are previewing two new books on fatherhood, Don Ungers Men Can: The Changing Image & Reality of Fatherhood in America (page 14) and John Badalaments The Modern Dads Dilemma: How to Stay Connected to Your Kids in a Rapidly Changing World (page 16), due out later this spring. Longtime important voices in the profeminist mens movementVoice Male national advisory board members and contributing editors Michael Kimmel, Jackson Katz, and Michael Kaufmanexpose the Dockers Wear the Pants campaign in responses to a story beginning on page 10. Lillian Hsus imaginative reaction to degrading images of women on magazine coversBEAUTIFUL Just the Way You Areis another side of the story of how consumer culture seeks to portray the genders (page 18). And Imani Perrys insightful critique of the issues neglected in the film Precious (page 8) suggests much to consider in our understanding of the social conditions women and men endure. Filmmaker Tom Keiths provocative When Men Challenge Sexism (page 20) is a thermometer gauging the temperature in a not yet post-sexist society; and therapist Charlie Donaldson offers a hopeful account of men growing emotionally in unexpected places (page 24). Finally, in a story on Boys to Men (page 27), Richie Davis looks at young men on the journey to healthy manhood, a journey MenEngage members are following closely around the world. The director of the Equal Justice Institute, Bryan Stevenson, has famously said, The opposite of poverty isnt wealth. The opposite of poverty is justice. If a corollary exists about men and privilege it might read, The opposite of men giving up privilege isnt powerlessness; the opposite of men giving up privilege is liberation. May this spring be a liberating one for us all.
Volume 14 No. 49
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Features
7 We Can Change the Culture of Rape
By Patrick McGann and Neil Irvin
A Precious Paradox By Imani Perry Fathering in the 21st Century By Donald N.S. Unger From Dilemma to Deliverance By John Badalament Men Coming in From the Cold By Charlie Donaldson
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ON THE COVER:
Voice Male contributing editor Byron Hurt and his wife, Kenya Crumel, became parents for the first time on August 4, 2009. He is pictured with his daughter Maasai Amor Crumel Hurt Photo: Devin Kirschner - www.devinphoto.com
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Rob A. Okun
Art Director
Lahri Bond
Copy Editor
Editor
Eve Ensler
V-Day God Bless the Child Productions Prof. of Journalism Univ. of Texas Media Education Foundation Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co. Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies White Ribbon Campaign The Dad Man Prof. of Sociology SUNY Stony Brook Other & Beyond Real Men Mentors in Violence Prevention Prof. of Sociology Univ. of So. California Mens Initiative for Jane Doe Afro-Netizen Massachusetts Childrens Trust Fund Prof. of Gender Studies Cal State Long Beach
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Byron Hurt
Bill T. Jones
Jackson Katz
A few years ago I was browsing the net looking for feminist resources and after following several links I stumbled on a link to Voice Male. Needless to say, I was thrilled that there is a magazine like this. Thank you so much for your wonderful magazine and the message you send to all men and women. I have recently given birth to a little boy and I want him to grow up with Voice Male in his home. Thank you for making it possible for us. Marzena Buzanowska Woodmere, Ohio
I was moved by the Brendan Tapley article, The Male Straitjacket (Winter 2010). How deeply, sadly true, the social terror that we men carry about our great capacity to love others of our own gender, and how profoundly influential that fear is in just about our every human interaction, not just around hate crimes and the like. And how under-examined, except, I suppose, in the few small forums like Voice Male and the occasional counseling session. When I felt how strongly I reactedpowerfully both drawn and repelledby the idea of physically, non-sexually expressing love for, and being loved by, a fellow man without fear of committing masculine suicide, I realized how much I grieve for not having it. I wanted it, originally, from my father. I expect my sons want it more readily from me. I continue to want it with friends. With them and with my sons, I will try to be much more conscious of the straitjacket operating in us. John Sheldons piece also spoke to methrew a beam of light down there in similarly dark areas of my psyche where I actually recall constricting my spirit, sacrificing my up reaching nature, to protect my fathers ego and position. A child has a lot of power, chi, spirit, maybe even wisdom, that a parent has to feel big enough to nurture. Seems like, given this sort of cultural conditioning, we should all undergo counseling before even thinking of having kids. Jonathan von Ranson Wendell, Mass.
Letters may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray Street, Amherst, MA 01002.
VOICE MALE is published quarterly by the Alliance for Changing Men, an affiliate of Family Diversity Projects, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002. It is mailed to subscribers in the U.S., Canada, and overseas and is distributed at select locations around the country and to conferences, universities, colleges and secondary schools, and among non-profit and non-governmental organizations. The opinions expressed in Voice Male are those of its writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of the advisors or staff of the magazine, or its sponsor, Family Diversity Projects. Copyright 2010 Alliance for Changing Men/Voice Male magazine. Subscriptions: 4 issues-$24. 8 issues-$40. For bulk orders, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call Voice Male at 413.687-8171. Advertising: For advertising rates and deadlines, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call at Voice Male 413.687-8171. Submissions: The editors welcome letters, articles, news items, reviews, story ideas and queries, and information about events of interest. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed but the editors cannot be responsible for their loss or return. Manuscripts and queries may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002.
Haji Shearer
Shira Tarrant
ctor Stephen Baldwin has a message for the millennial generation: Jesus is cool, Jesus is rad, Jesus will kick your butt, Jesus will help you kick the butts of secular liberals. Yet while Baldwin seeks to be the hip new face of evangelicalism, promoting the Jesus of skateboarders and cool kids, beneath his radical chic is the ideology of the old men behind the Cold Warera John Birch Society and Christian Crusade. So wrote Sarah Posner in an article posted on Alternet. Together with Christian activist and radio host Kevin McCullough, Baldwin has launched a youth-targeted forprofit Christian media company, Xtreme Media, LLC, and the radio program Xtreme Radio with Stephen Baldwin and Kevin McCullough. The aim of Xtreme Media, according to Baldwin, is to create a content reality we want to utilize to fire up the conservative movement to stand up and push back louder and more ferociously. Addressing a 2008 religious-right conference, the annual Values Voter Summit sponsored by FRC Action, Baldwin explained that he uses extreme sports to recruit young evangelicals because I believe the way to ensure a better America in the future is make more Christians. At religious right conferences across the nation, Baldwin struts before young and not-so-young audiences, deploying his ber-masculine Christianity as a rebuke to the Hollywood liberals he claims are ruining America. Kevin McCullough is the brains behind Xtreme Media, a point Baldwin readily admits. A prolific writer and soughtafter speaker on the Tea Party and Christian right circuits, McCullough is the author of two books, The Kind of Man Every Man Should Be: Taking a Stand for True Masculinity, and MuscleHead Revolution: Overturning Liberalism with Commonsense Thinking. Their radio show is syndicated by Fox News Radio, the American Family Association and Christian media giant Salem Communications. We are the hands of the Lord Jesus in this realm, Baldwin told the Values Voters. And I dont know about youIm puttin some boxing gloves on mine. To read a longer version of Sarah Posners article go to Alternet.org.
Rhymes on iTunes
Byron Hurts masterful film, HipHop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes is now live on iTunes. The film, which deconstructs the misogyny and homophobia in hip-hop, is available for download from the movie/documentary section on iTunes. Hurt, a member of Voice Males national advisory board, is working on a new film, Soul Food. He still speaks frequently about issues related to masculinity and manhood. He is encouraging viewers of BB&R to help promote the film on iTunes. The link is: http://itunes.apple.com/ WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/ viewMovie?id=350088022&s=1 43441.
Men @ Work
Visit our new website voicemalemagazine.org for the latest news and updates
New Orleans hotel owner offered to pay for the students to come to New Orleans and use one of his hotel facilities for their prom.
For the first time in American history, women now make up half of U.S. workers. Mothers are now the primary breadwinnersmaking as much as or more than their spouse or doing it all on their ownin nearly four in 10 families. Nearly half of families with children consisted of a male breadwinner and a female homemaker in 1975. Today, that number is just one in five. In 1975, single parents made up only 10 percent of U.S. families with children. Today, the number of single-parent households has doubled to one in five. Written by Heather Boushey, a senior economist at the Center, and Ann OLeary, a senior fellow there and executive director of the Berkeley Center for Health, Economic & Family Security, the new report is described as a roadmap offering practical suggestions to help American workers and families meet the dual demands of work and family. The recommendations in the report are designed, the authors believe, to help families by strengthening our economy and enhancing the well-being of our parents and their children [B]y laying out specific, tangible action items for lawmakers and businesses, this report gives policymakers and business leaders the tools they need to update todays workplace. The Center for American Progress is a nonpartisan research and educational institute dedicated to an America that ensures oppor6 Voice Male
tunity for all by working to find progressive and pragmatic solutions to significant domestic and international problems.
Mississippi Misguided
A Mississippi school district canceled this years prom at Itawamba Agricultural High School following the Mississippi American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) request that the school allow a lesbian couple to attend. The school cited distractions to the educational process caused by recent events as reason for canceling the event, but 18-yearold Constance McMillen, a Constance lesbian who McMillen wanted to bring her girlfriend to the prom, said the decision was based on retaliation for speaking out. The ACLU sued the high school in U.S. district court for northern Mississippi. All I wanted was the same chance to enjoy my prom night like any other student, Constance McMillen said. But my school would rather hurt all the students than treat everyone fairly. This isnt just about me and my rights anymoreIm fighting for the right of all the students at my school to have our prom. If the school refused to reinstate its prom, which was scheduled for April 2, the students had another option. After hearing about the students predicament, a
prolonged terror and are victims of violence in many formsCOMEN is urging men to reflect, meditate and pray for our daughters, sisters, mothers and wives who continue to suffer the most shameful abuse and cruelty ever known to humankind. And they are urging the international community to support ending the immunity perpetrators have long enjoyed. We suggest that womens and human rights organizations, and those who work to promote equality are supportedboth technically and financiallyto continue their outreach and awareness of United Nations Security Council Resolution 1325.1820 on women, peace and conflict, as well as CEDAW, the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women. COMEN pledged its commitment to promoting gender equality in our communities while providing support to women in general in the fight against injustice and gender-based violence because they believe without gender equality peace and development will be impossible.
Phil Date
veryone would agree that the gang rape outside Richmond (Virginia) High School last fall was horrific. While this criminal act is particularly troubling because of the large number of perpetrators and witnesses, the incident should not be viewed in isolation. According to the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), a sexual assault occurs every two minutes in the United States. In Men Can Stop Rapes view, rape happens because we as a country have not committed to creating cultures of prevention focused on sexual and dating violence in our schools and communities. If we pay attention to who commits rape, we see that the majority of assaults are perpetrated by men attacking women and other men. The majority of men do not commit sexual violence and therefore are potential allies with women. By providing a blueprint for transforming bystanders into active agents of social change, we mobilize young men across the country to create cultures of rape prevention in their schools and communities. What gets in the way of prioritizing creating these cultures nationwide? Victimblaming, for one. We worry that people will hold the young woman in Richmond accountable for her assault, especially since there were reports in the media that she had been drinking alcohol. No rape survivors are ever at fault for their assault, whatever the circumstances. To place responsibility on her is a way of
diverting responsibility from the young men who committed the rape. Outsiders typecasting sexual assault as occurring in communities with troubled youth serves as another way of not addressing rape as a social issue. In an article in the Contra Costa Times last October, one student was described as being deeply disturbed that all Richmond High students were described as animals in response to the assault. There were 400 students at the prom who did not commit rape. And there were female and male students who took steps to call the police. What enabled them to act in a humane manner? These students should be part of the story. So, what can we do? First, we need to understand that preventing rape is broader in scope than currently believed, that it involves females and males, and that it is based on respecting our cultures and ourselves. Historically, preventing sexual assault has been thought of in terms of females engaging in risk reduction, such as walking in pairs or dressing conservatively. For lasting change to occur, however, men and women can prevent sexual violence by challenging the attitudes and assumptions that dehumanize women. In the Contra Costa Times article, recent Richmond High graduate Atianna Gibbs was quoted as saying, That could easily have been [the assailants] sister, their mom. Nobody deserves that. Shes right. Her comment suggests it is easier to hurt someone who is of no importance to us than someone who is. This act of dehumanization
ColorLines
A Precious Paradox
By Imani Perry
hese are rising unemployment strange days and imprisonment. indeed. We are That was troubling. But firmly into the then again, it is easier 2 1 s t c e n t u r y, to fire off a blog post or and yet the 1980s provide a commentary are haunting us. For about a movie than it African Americans it is to write a concise is yet again a decade of response to a complidream and deferral. cated web of policy, Back in the eighties, law, and economics. for the young Black However, I believe the and college educated, film elicited so much the doors of corporate engaged response America and other precisely because it professions opened highlighted the chalup and broadened the lenge of this moment spectrum of the Black when it comes to race middle class like never in America. before. But also, back The film tells an in the eighties, crack individual story, a cocaine and the afterpoignant one, about math of deindustrialan abused young ization crippled areas woman in Harlem in of concentrated blackthe 1980s. If we attend ness in major urban to the individual story, centers. fictional though it may Now in the 21st be, our hearts go out We are tired of the story of century, a new Black to Precious. We see elite floods the popular in her story personal pathology we see yet again in imagination as Capitol resilience, possibility, Precious. We want a story that Hill, the president and healing. Those are his administration good things. The film reveals the laws and policies and become more and more also tells a collective economic conditions that produce colorful. But also now, story. The story it tells in the 21st century, the is about the devastaconcentrated poverty and recession hits Black tion that the eighties its violence. communities hardest, wrought on Black and at the intersection communities, and the of devastating rates of failure of the public imprisonment, joblessschool system to ness, and inadequate provide a path out for education lies a critical, the underclass. hurting, mass of Black In both the collecAmericans. tive story and the indiThen came the vidual story, there is movie Precious. truth. There is a real The film, released in Precious out there. The the fall of 2009, elicited story is fictional, but it a flurry of responses. is human. The problem The debates over the film is that fictional stories, were complex, nuanced, impassioned. In fact, among the Black intel- especially ones on film, dont just stand as individual stories, but they ligentsia there seemed to be more discussion about Precious than there do representative work. They become part of the way we make sense was about President Obamas education agenda, the stimulus package, or of the world in which we live. The story of one novelist or filmmakers
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imagination becomes the story of entire groups of people or types of people. This is especially true when the kind of social location depicted in the story is remote from the experience of the majority of the viewers. On the one hand, many of us who are familiar with the way the story of Black America in the eighties was told, and the way the story of the rise of imprisonment in contemporary Black America is being told, are frustrated with the spectacle of Black violence, deviance, and dysfunction that appears over and over again. We are tired of this story of pathology that we see yet again in Precious. Instead we want a story that reveals the laws and policies and economic conditions that produce concentrated poverty and its violence. We also yearn for the stories of those who sustain humanity and decency in the face of devastating poverty and marginalization. We would prefer for those stories to be told because they are, after all, far more representative of Black life than the wreck that is Preciouss life. And so, we balk at a film like Precious, rhetorically asking: Doesnt it just recycle those old images of Black pathology? And isnt it reviving those stories just when we are beginning to suffer so much again, just when we dont need a convenient explanation of they are pathological to facilitate the nation turning its back on the responsibility to provide conditions for all citizens to lead productive lives as participants in the democracy and economy? On the other hand, some of us want to embrace a film like Precious because it highlights a kind of suffering that our society fails to respond to. Children who are poor and of color are inadequately protected in our society. They are more vulnerable to predators, more likely to be victimized on the street and in school, and less likely to have families that are able to marshal resources to deal with trauma, mental illness, and addiction. At the same time, poor, emotionally scarred parents who become abusers have virtually no resources to repair themselves. So when we see a movie like Precious, we applaud it for encouraging sympathy and
investment in young women like Precious. We think, Yes, the reality of her life deserves to be depicted; maybe it will inspire action. The film does both kinds of work on the audience at once. Strange indeed. When it comes to race the challenge of this moment is for critically thinking members of this society to consider the implications of symbolism (like the Black president, or the Oscar-worthy dysfunctional, sexual abusing welfare mother played by Monique) at the same time as we consider the messy, complicated content of our society, without assuming that these things have a clear or consistent relationship to each other. Precious demands we bring more to the table than just an analysis of it as a piece of art. If the film stands alone, it gets deployed and interpreted every which way. But if we use the film to open the door to conversations about society, ones that are filled with knowledge, data, and careful analysis, rather than mere anecdote and fiction, then it can do some useful work in our social and political lives. Perhaps it can inspire solutions to problems of representation and policy challenges.
Imani Perry is a professor in the Center for African American Studies at Princeton University. She is the author of Prophets of the Hood: Politics and Poetics in Hip Hop (Duke University Press, 2004) and the forthcoming More Terrible and More Beautiful: The Embrace and Transcendence of Racial Inequality in the U.S. (New York University Press, 2010) www. imaniperry.com. A version of this article first appeared on Afronetizen, which provides substantive news and information on and of relevance to people of African descent. www.afronetizen.com.
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ockers khakis had become synonymous with the soulless office cubicle and suburban capitulation. So says Jennifer Sey, Dockers, senior vice president of global marketing, responding to criticism for its ad campaign, Wear the Pants. Introduced before the holidays last year, the ads struck a nerve. According to company research, Sey wrote, Men have suffered 80 percent of the layoffs in the last year. Women outnumber men in the workforce for the first time... Women also outnumber men in higher education. The culture, Sey says, heralds the manbabybest represented by the leads in beer commercials (he always chooses beer over his girlfriend)who does his own thing, which is apparently nothing. He loves video games and bongs and he shuns obligations. These pop culture man-babies are unkempt, unfit, have no direction and seemingly no pride. Sure they are funny. I laugh as much as anyone. But our culture has elevated this type of immaturity amongst men to unconscionable heights. Arent men insulted by this man-baby phenomenon? The corporate antidote? The Wear the Pants campaign. What follows is an excerpt from Seys article, posted on mommytracked.com. Is it a lot to ask a company to be at the forefront of social change? Maybe. But Id venture to say that companies have an obligation to be a part of it. Levi Strauss and Company (which owns Dockers) has done so for many years: first company to integrate factories in the south in the 1960s before it was legally mandated, the first Fortune 500 company to offer benefits to same sex partners in the early 1990s and the only company in California to file an amicus brief with the courts against Proposition 8. The mens movement is underway. There are academics that study it (Gender Studies, formerly the domain of feminist theory, seems to have shifted to include Male Studies) all focused on what is driving the epidemic of underachieving young men and what we can do about it. Its not absurd to think that Dockers, a brand with a predominantly male constituency, could participate in heralding positive change. The [Wear the Pants] campaign has generated heated and profound talk amongst consumers.
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frivolity and excess in favor of utility and purpose. Were taking care of our families and the people we love. We are great dads and husbands and friends and boyfriends. We embrace sensitivity and empathy and behave chivalrously towards men and women alike. We will maintain our collective sense of humor, but were going to be serious human beings that contribute to the world in a positive manner. Women arent perfect. Just ask my husband. I can be impatient, petty, humorless, demanding, unforgiving. But, speaking in overt generalities, men have just fallen off the wagon of late. The way it works in my house is pretty non-traditionalI work full time, my husband does most of the kid caring-for while taking on part time gigs. It is an equal albeit unconventional partnership. I certainly dont want to go back to the days of yore when men ruled the roost. But I wouldnt mind if rude young men stopped pretending they didnt see pregnant women on the bus and maybe offered up a seat to a tired lady with sore feet. And I wouldnt mind if men in leadership positions took their responsibilities on with integrity. And I for sure wouldnt mind if my own two boys grew up to be strong and loving and polite and able to clean up their own rooms. Yep, I want them to wear the pants. Just like a lot of the women I know seem to be doing in todays world. Jennifer Sey
[FOR MORE DOCKERS COMMENTARY BY MICHAEL KAUFMAN AND JACKSON KATZ, GO TO PAGES 1 AND 13]
retty much every day someone sends me some link to some YouTube video, a new commercial, or a blog post that lowers the bar even further for men. During the Super Bowl, we were imagined as such henpecked weenies that we went shopping with our partner instead of watching the game (which is, really, any game), or so downtroddenly politically correctified that our only recompense for being nice to her friends and her mother, recycling and putting the toilet seat down is an utterly retrograde muscle car straight out of Miami Vice. Clearly Madison Avenue believes we need help in retrieving our manhood from the dustbin of emasculation. And they have just the restorative products for us! Ordinarily, I see such cultural effluvia as signs of progress. Advertising is often a rear-guard action trying to recapture something that has already changed. Theres an old axiom that what we lose in reality we re-create in fantasy. So as our world is becoming more gender equal, and as we, men, arefor the most part, and with some noisy exceptionsincreasingly, quietly, accommodating ourselves to it, were fed a steady stream of sexist and homophobic images as a sort of running commentary on how far weve comeand how far we have yet to go. The latest version is the Dockers khaki ads. Here, too, guys are depicted as emasculated wimps who have lost their manhood. But the article by Dockers Jennifer Sey reproduces this problem, while actually compounding it. Of course there are also feminists who want men to man up, but they arent nostalgic about it. The whole ad has a Once upon a time feel to itmen once were better than they are now. Little old ladies crossed the street unmolested. In other words,
d just lit up my Marlboro, saddled my horse, and was heading out to cut a few steaks off one of our steers when I noticed I had a tear in my jeans. Ever since the wife decided she wanted to earn a bit of dough (my own money she calls it!) shes been in a bit of a flap and tells me I should fix my own pants. Yeah, right. So I go inside and strip down to my Calvin Kleins. Although Im spending more time at the ranch these days, I still get a lot of phone calls trying to get me to model their underwear for magazine ads and billboards. Ive always said no because Dad taught me what it meant to be a man. Showing off wasnt part of it. (And when I say taught me, that man didnt overlook a chance to pull out his trusty belt. No sir. I didnt like it much at the time, but I can tell you now, Im glad he did. Ive been able to teach my own son and Im sure, someday, hell do the same to his.) Im not going to show off, but I dont mind telling you if youre not ripped like me, you dont qualify in anyones book. I glance over at the Mattel Mad Men dolls weve just bought for a friends daughter. Teach her the way things go before she starts to pick up any feminist ideas. I change into my new pair of Dockers. Once I look after the cattle, Ive got to helicopter back to the office. The Dockers take me nicely from the rough-and-tumble world of the ranch to the rough-and-tumble
Michael Kaufman Voice Male contributing editor Michael Kaufman is cofounder of the White Ribbon Campaign. www.michaelkaufman.com Michael Kaufman, 2010.
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s Dockers marketing director, Jennifer Sey has certainly done her job: drawing attention to her product. But those of us in the reality-based community see through Dockers Men Wear the Pants campaign, especially troubling at a time when the right wing is finding new energyand potentially millions of white male votesin their opposition to the Obama presidency, including even the mildest progressive legislation. Ms. Sey calls herself a feminist and makes some insightful observations about what a more progressive mens movement would do for our culture. But does anyone really believe the Men Wear the Pants campaign is promoting progressive masculinity? The ad copy could have been written by James Dobson or Phyllis Schlafly. When I first read the ads, I thought immediately of Rush Limbaugh, who has been ranting for years against the feminizing effects on men of the womens movement. Listen to Limbaugh, the countrys leading conservative polemicist, in 2008: Who do liberals consider real men? Michael Kinsley, Alan Alda, the guy that playedFrank Burns on M*A*S*H, you know this guy was practically a pet on a leash for Hot Lips Houlihan. And I think theyve become Democrats. Some Republicans, too. But I think theyve run for office, and they have become Democrats. Tom Daschle, Harry Reid, soft-spoken, concerned about everything. Theyre little wusses and theyre constantly voicing their concern over every little thing that fits their template into a Democrat
America. Why do you think Im so hated by the feminists? Cause I am not feminized. Passage of the historic health insurance reform billwhich, however watereddown and corporate-friendly it might seem to many of usgenerated immense anger, catalyzing a white-male-led backlash that threatens to derail any further progressive developments come the mid-term elections in the fall. Ms. Sey says that the Levi Strauss company embraces sensitivity and empathy in men, the very same qualities that conservatives like Dick Cheney have bitterly attacked Barack Obama for displaying. Yes, as she says, it would be great if men would be willing to embody a new masculine ideal built around integrity, accountability and ethical behavior. But many people continue to be confused about what it means to be a strong man. Profeminist men and other progressives need to say firmly and frequently: Men who stand up for justice and against violence are strong men. Men who support gender and sexual equality are strong men. Whether or not we feel like wearing pants. Even if, after this unfortunate and reactionary advertising gimmick, we still choose to buy Dockers.
Jackson Katz Jackson Katz, a Voice Male contributing editor, is author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help and co-founder of Mentors in Violence Prevention. www.jacksonkatz.com.
Rob Okun
Mark Matousek
Nestled in the Berkshire Hills of northwestern Massachusetts, Rowe is a comfortable, relaxed center with great food, beautiful surroundings and a powerful sense of community. To learn more about this important weekend exploring mens lives go to: http://rowecenter.org/schedule/current/20100514_ MarkMatousek&RobOkun.html
May 14-16
www.rowecenter.org
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Fathering
hen we examine change, we often look as well at why things often dont change. I am particularly interested in the not uncommon resistance to the notion that the quantity and the quality of the time American fathers spend with their children have changed meaningfully. Ironically, I see this resistance coming from both the right and the left. Philosophically, resistance on the right is easier to explain. Both men and women in more politically or culturally conservative families are apt to have a traditional view of gender: men are the breadwinners; women stay home and take care of the children. To publicly admit to sharing domestic labor would amount to an admission of emasculation on two counts for the husband: for his failure to earn sufficient money as he should in order to permit his wife to stay home with the children, and for his own taking up of womens work. For the wife, it would amount to a public admission of her failure to take care of home and children as she should and her inappropriate usurpation of the prerogatives of the proper head of the household. Women work outside the home. Thats no less true in conservative families than in progressive families. The economic pressures are the same; the economic lifelinea second salaryis the same. What is often different is what happens with child care and, of particular importance to what I am arguing, how this matter is discussed publicly. We have a national ambivalence about preschool day care, but this is closer to hardcore resistance in blue-collar or lower-middleclass conservative households. Day care, entrusting ones children to strangersthe financial costs asideis more often viewed by such families as a shamefully unacceptable betrayal of family values and
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a potential venue for exposing children to a variety of dangers, both cultural and physical. As a result, evidence shows a large and vastly underreported increase in the number of conservative households in which men and women are sharing parenting to some degree, as a matter of necessity, both real and perceived. Most often this is true in families where both parents do shift work: nurses, utility workers, police officers, firefighters. On the left, I believe people resist acknowledging progress, in part, for fear that doing so will blunt the drive for further and more comprehensive change. I understand that concern; it is not my contention that we have reached some sort of postgender, egalitarian Promised Land where all are Free to Be You and Me, but it is simply counterfactual to claim that we have not made substantial progress toward equality, along a variety of axes, in the past 35 years or so. This resistance, which I would characterize as essentially tactical, is buttressed by an emotional reactionon the part of at least some women and men of egalitarian bentthat might be summed up as: You want me to listen to mens problems and complaints now? Puh-lease! In examining the cultural impact of Kramer vs. Kramer, the 1979 Dustin Hoffman/Meryl Streep movie, New York Times film critic Molly Haskell, writing three years after the movies release, was both irritated by and dismissive of the movie in significant part because of this perceived inequity. The supreme irony of Kramer vs. Kramer, she fumes, was that here at last was a film that took on the crisis central to the modern womans life, that is, the three-ring circus of having to hold
Ratnakar Krothapalli
down a job, bring up a child and manage Writer Donald a house simultaneously, and who gets Unger and his daughter the role? Dustin Hoffman. I understand the emotion; I under- Rebecca stand its basis. But I dont believe that what she wrote was useful to fathers or mothers. A medical analogy might help illuminate this. In the 1980s, AIDS activists began to reshape medical care, from the drug testing and approval process, to hospital visiting regulations, to end-of-life care. AIDS was then almost exclusively a terminal illness; the patients were, as a group, younger than most other people in that situation, sometimes radical to begin with, sometimes radicalized by their experience with the illness; they fought to change the terms of their treatment and the terms of their deaths. Some cancer patients and their families resented the changes the AIDS patients and their allies were able to initiate. Why should they get privileged access to drugs still in clinical trials? Why should they have liberalized visiting policies? What gives them the right to challenge their physicians when the culture of medical care says we cant challenge ours? Some of those plaintsnot often voiced publiclywere doubtless colored by homophobia. But they embody an obvious and powerful emotional logic untainted by that consideration: Im dying too! Dont I deserve the same attention? Ultimately, thats the narrative that won out, not a competition, not a zero-sum game in which the gains of one set of patients were construed to be the losses of another: The AIDS patients rights movement birthed a broader patients rights movement, rather than remaining at the level of sectarian warfare between patients suffering from different illnesses. Attention to the issues around fathersmarried or divorced; custodial or noncustodial; working as primary parents, sharing child care, or working outside the homeshould not be taken to be competition for attention to the issues faced by mothers. Indeed, while there may be
some short-term, emotional benefit to guarding the territory of child care as a womens issue, doing so also contributes to the ongoing marginalization of what I would instead call parents issues in our political discourse. I understand Haskells irritation. She brings up an issue, and an irony, that bears discussion. To launch that discussion as a public attack, however, amounts to parents arranging themselves in a circular firing squad. Sometimes gender matters. Sometimes mothers and fathers have different concerns in terms of what makes our home lives or our professional lives either easier or more difficult (men dont get pregnant, for example). More often, however, our concerns overlap: We are more powerful when we stand together as parents than when we set ourselves up as fathers against mothers or vice versa. So where are we now? We may be on the cusp of fundamentallyand to my mind positivelyshifting to a much more open definition of family and of caregiving generally, opening up and broadening what it is possible, or perhaps more accurately what it is acceptable, for a man to do with his life. A shorthand way of looking at this would be that in the next decade we may see the home open up to men in the same way that the workplace began to open up to women in the 1970s. I believe this would be goodfor men, for women, for children though I would never assume that change is always easy or that it is ever neat. Writer Donald N.S. Unger, a longtime contributor to Voice Male, is a lecturer in the program in Writing and Humanistic Studies at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. This article is excerpted from his book Men Can: The Changing Image & Reality of Fatherhood in America, forthcoming from Temple University Press, May 2010, and reprinted with their permission. www.temple.edu/tempress. The author can be reached at donunger@mit.edu.
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Fathering
How to Be a Modern Dad
t the age of 25, not yet a dad myself, I walked into my fathers office to reconcile our past he thought we were going out for lunch. Up until that point I had not yet discovered the courage to speak honestly and directly with my father about the past. All that would change in just ten short minutes. I told my father that we werent actually going to lunch, that he should stay seated and not respond to anything he was about to hear. He had been given plenty of time to speak over the years; now it was my turn to talk. Barely able to breathe, I said, Youve done a lot of great things for me as a dad. After describing a few, such as how he had supported my love of baseball and patiently taught me how to drive, I said, And . . . I want you to know that growing up with you was also very, very difficult. You were irresponsible, alcoholic and abusive. As a consequence, I have struggled, and still struggle to this day, to feel good about myself. I dont want you to do anything. Im an adult, and these are my issues to deal with now. He opened his mouth to speak, and for the first time ever, I raised my hand and without a word, motioned for him to stop. I knew that if I allowed him to talk, he would almost certainly try to explain, minimize, or deny what I was saying, and like most loyal sons, I
16 Voice Male
would back down from speaking the truth of my experience. Confronting my father at the age of 25 was the single most difficult, emotionally raw moment of my life. As a kid, I was taught that vulnerability got you nothing but trouble and thus learned to hate it. The currency of my upper-middle-class boyhood was as follows: being tough, getting the girls, and holding your own in sports. If you had no currency, you were at risk of verbal or physical reprisals. I spent a great deal of time and energy avoiding situations in which I could be taken advantage of, proved wrong, or made to look like a wimp. Implicitly, discussing feelings and relationships with or around other boys was forbidden. When I left my dads office that day, I assumed my departure would mark the end of our relationship, that he would want nothing more to do with me. Paradoxically, once I found my voice and spoke upas uncomfortable and frightening as it wasour relationship actually grew stronger. While we didnt necessarily spend more time together, speak more often, or agree on everything (past or present), a more honest dialogue developed between us. There was no longer one voice, one truth, or one authority. We became two adults, not a father and a child. Dont get me wrong;
Kenya Crumel
legacy I want to keep or pass on to my children? Yes. Are there mistakes Im determined not to repeat? Of course. This is not, however, a matter of intention onlywhat dad doesnt want to be close with his children? The question is how: How can I give what I didnt get? In my workshops for parents, I often ask dads to describe the kind of relationship they are trying to build with their children. Whether Im at an elite private school, a prison, or a public library, the responses are similar. Most dads and dad figures want to have a strong, close bond with their children, to always be a trustworthy and vital presence, and to be someone to turn to for advice, support, or just to talk with. Most dads want their sons and daughters to feel secure in knowing that they can always come to them and share whats going on in their lives, good and bad. In the past decade of working with dads of all backgrounds, I have heard this chorus grow louder: modern dads want connection, closeness, and intimacy. Unlike fathers of generations past, whose lives were so often cloaked in silence and mystery, dads today are increasingly vocal about this vision. Modern dads want to be the competent, caring, and supportive parents and partners that deep down we know we are capable of becoming. This is my cause for hope. It starts with modern dads speaking the truth about what fatherhood means to ushow it challenges our beliefs about manhood, raises fears about repeating mistakes of the past, and ultimately reveals our capacity to love another human being unconditionally. It starts with also making space in our relationships to truly listen to our loved ones. Our children and families not only want but need us to deliver on this new vision of fatherhood.
E x c e r p t e d f ro m T h e M o d e r n D a d s Dilemma: How to Stay Connected to Your Kids in a Rapidly Changing World, 2010 by John Badalament. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. www.newworldlibrary.com. Voice Male contributing editor John Badalament is director of the acclaimed PBS documentary All Men are Sons: Exploring the Legacy of Fatherhood. His work has been featured on National Public Radio, in Mens Health, and the Los Angeles Times. A graduate of Harvards Graduate School of Education, John consults with schools, parent groups, and organizations about modern fatherhood. To learn more, go to www.moderndads.net.
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grew up with boystwo doting brothers, a father who loved me unconditionally, and seven boy cousins. My aunt told me there was rejoicing when I was bornfinally a girl! I remember wanting to be a boy. At 17 I went to college at an all-female institution. It was during the womens movement of the 1970s. I married and had childrena boy and a girl. I saw how our culture shuts down whole swaths of a boys humanity by the time he reaches third grade. I saw how our culture teaches girls to be pretty objects as soon as they can walk. I saw that my childrens preschool lessons about Rosa Parks and Sally Ride and Amelia Earhart were not enough to combat the later lessons of wife beater tank tops, pornography normalized and glorified, and the parade of women in movies and media who are used, prostituted, hypersexualized, and consumed. I continued to listen to men. I wondered what definitions of masculinity my late brother had believed when he left heterosexuality for homosexuality. I read books about hidden male depression and the inner life of boys. I saw the cultural landscape of gender roles change and stay the same. I saw the definitions of masculinity and femininity expand and contract. The womens movement of the 1970s offered a vision of equality for women and, for those men tuning in, an invitation to men to leave behind the constraints of the man box. Of course it was not so simple. Being groomed for masculinity meant most men were unlikely to take up the invitation. Still, I kept seeing men in pain, men addicted, burdened by the pressure to perform and provide, and saddened but too paralyzed by the messages of conventional masculinity to weep. A woman I know says, If I didnt drink I would cry all the time. A man I know says, If I didnt drink, I would turn into a monster. I think the man would not be a monster. I think the man would cry, tooif he did not think he had to be a man. My frustration grew. While some men began challenging and examining how they had been socialized and, as a consequence, began to change, far too many men remained complicit with everyday sexism. I heard people say there were no longer barriers for girlsthey could go where they dreamed to go. At the same time, misogyny intensified. I observed a relentless objectification of women colored by implicit and explicit violence. The notion of what was beautiful grew ever more
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sweater she sees in a department store and thinks she is making a personal choice that reflects her individuality. She does not think of the fact that the particular cerulean blue of the sweater was determined by someone nine months ago, made it through manufacturing, and ended up in thousands of department stores, where it will be selected by thousands of women, each thinking she has made a personal choice. I think of this speech when I hear men or women speak about what they think is the most universally attractive body type. We are fed thousands of images a day through advertising and media that tell us we want bodies, not people, and exactly what that body should look like, and then individuals will say their personal favorite is that body type. What we think of as beauty is culturally determined and changes over time. We have been robbed of the ability to see beauty in everyone. And yet we choose to be robbed if we allow such tyranny to distort our humanity and determine how we think. We try to teach our children this lesson. We tell them they only want that Jumping Jubilee party because the media has taught them to want it, but we fail to see how the same media dictates what we as adults value in human experience. Advertising works. The car ads on television tell men they will get a woman who looks like the hired model if they buy that car; youll get a woman like this if you stay in our hotel; youll get that woman if you buy these socket wrenches. Youll get a woman like this receptionist if you buy our plumbing supplies. Youll get women if you attain political power. Youll get women if you win. And for all of these women, what is the cost? Men have mothers, sisters, daughters, granddaughters, aunts, nieces, and female friends and loved ones. I want men to understand that all of these loved ones are seen as objects of sexism and male violence in every one of its formsinsults, predatory behavior, demeaning comments, threats, domination, rape, assault, and humiliationall based on the simple fact that they are female. All women will experience some of these behaviors in their lifetime. Does it matter that your daughter has to consider whether to cross the street when she sees a line of men seated ahead of her, while your son does not? Would it be okay if your friend and her friend were tortured, filmed, and used by millions of men to get off? Does it matter that one of the reasons she might have found herself there
was because she learned as a child that she should degrade herself to serve men? Does it matter that your wife has to swallow insults and predatory glares every day but does not think it is significant enough to tell you when she comes home? Does it matter that your girlfriend has learned that her value goes up if she makes herself more of a sexual object, while your value goes up proportionate to your accomplishments? Is it okay that your niece was raped at 14 and hasnt talked about it in 20 years because she suspects no one will care to listen or will believe her? Does it matter your daughter will pay a man to carve up her body and alter its shape so she can please more men? Would you carve up your body to please more women?
Does it matter that the women in your life are compared to a piece of meat, and men laugh? There are voices telling me, Dont be too hard on the men; dont make them feel badly, dont hurt their feelings; dont shut them down. I wonder: Why do I have to be so delicate with mens feelings when so many men have violated and disregarded the feelings of women? Even though I am furious, I want men to listen and know that I am treading gently. I will take care because I want a conversation, not a battle. But I want men to hear that women are outraged, hurt, saddened, and silenced. Despite my anger, I will not let go of my connection to men. I will not quit searching for positive change. I will not stop inviting
men to walk with women and change our lives together. I will keep listening to men and asking, challenging, stubbornly assuming (I think sometimes unreasonably) that men want to have freedom to be fully human and would like to have relationships of mutual respect, love, and intimacy with women. How many men would say I am wrong?
n the spring of 2009 I began a protest campaign I dubbed BEAUTIFUL Just the Way You Are. I designed a BJTWYA poster to mimic a magazine format but it only carries the common phrase, a kind of mantraBEAUTIFUL Just the Way You Are. People use it when they mean we all have beauty and need not fuss over our appearance to conform to a false notion of beautiful. BEAUTIFUL Just the Way You Are invites anyone to participate wherever magazines are displayed. All you have to do is place one of the 8 x 11 BJTWYA posters over every magazine that uses a womans body to sell a product, a lifestyleor the magazine itself. The magazine racks assault us with the message women are flawed, our bodies need fixing, commanding we become better objects for male consumption. BEAUTIFUL Just the Way You Are offers a simple, subversive counterpoint to protest this tyranny. Although the project focuses on magazine covers, the voice of advertising is the voice of the culture, the voice of the Other, telling us our body parts are being measured against a checklist and, no surprise, we are seen as lacking. Take the woman who wrote me to request posters because her daughter is in a residential program for eating disordersa symptom of a deep cultural sickness. How toxic is our culture to create such anguish? I wish every man would see in that girl his responsibility for her well-being, for the demands imposed on women and girls to make our bodies into a consumer product, not for ourselves but for men. Turning a person into a thing is the first step toward condoning all forms of violencevisual, verbal, psychological, or physical.
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Tom Keiths film Generation M: Misogyny in Media and Culture, is a searching examination of the medias sexist depictions of women. In an industry largely controlled by men, Keith critically explored images of women that permeate popular culture in music, television, news media, film, games, and radio. He says he wanted to better understand the culture he inhabits and examine what those depictions of women say about us as a society, how our thinking is affectedfrom early childhood onboth as males and females. Since its release in September 2008, Generation M: Misogyny in Media and Culture, which is distributed by the Media Education Foundation (www.mediaed.org), has become a staple in college and university classrooms around the world. What he wasnt prepared for, he says, was the response some people had to the film.
0 Voice Male
fter Generation M was released, I traveled the country screening the film, listening to what audiences had to say. Across age and gender lines, people were overwhelmingly supportive. Many teaching at colleges and universities told me they use the film in their classrooms, seeing it as a great resource for creating class discussion and raising a host of issues about sexism in popular culture. Still, I didnt realize how powerful a nerve I had struck. I was not prepared for the backlash that came from men and women alike who felt strongly that a man should not be making a film about what is traditionally thought to be a womens issue. The ad hominem style of the attacks was particularly unexpected. Comments included: The only reason a man would make such a film is to get laid, or A man cannot know what women go through, or Men, just keep your opinions to yourselves. I also heard the obligatory comment from some males: This guy must be a faggot. It is troubling to think there must be a barrier between the sexes when discussing gender issues, a divide that is not supposed to be crossed. In fact, the exclusionary tone of the criticism I received reminded me of the hackneyed notion that there is an alleged battle between the sexes. That we were waging a war where men and women should consider one another enemy combatants rather than allies, and where those who cross gender lines are traitors. It was a rude awakening. In my critics minds, my view was navebelieving men and women are interconnected, are people who need each other, who laugh and cry, live and die, together. Let me be clear. Throughout all the amazing progress the womens movement madea movement spearheaded and carried out almost exclusively by womenthey did not need men to help them, and they certainly do not now need any men telling them how they should be as women. If anything, that attitude has been the central problem of the history of gender: men telling women how to act, dress, think, and live. Because of this history, women have rightly met male, pro-feminist support with suspicion. Similar suspicion was cast on Caucasians who lent their support to African-Americans struggle for rights and recognition during the civil rights movement. The same might be said today for heterosexuals who support gay rights. It is understandable why some members of historically oppressed groups would look at support from members of the oppressor group with trepidation. Against this background, in screening Generation M around the country, the number one question I hear, from both women and men, is Why did you make this filmwhat was your motivation? In introducing it, I tell audiences how I am frequently challenged by people, including colleagues, about why
Simply put, men do not benefit from being sexist. There are men who dont believe this, who fear giving up their privilege. They are the men who often have distant relationships with women, whose children arent close to them, who work and drink too much, whose health is compromised, whose friendships are superficial and few.
I, as a man, would make such a film. Questions almost always focus on my gender. The more I heard this question, the more I began to realize that the question itself highlights a problem in discussing gender issues. Consider the literature in gender studies: the lions share of books written about masculinity are written by male authors, while the vast majority of published materials on women are written by women. Sure, gender-specific authorship is largely due to mens and womens knowledge of and interest in our own genders. Yet I cant help thinking that lurking in this dichotomous separation is an unaddressed problem. When authors do cross gender lines (consider, for example, Shira Tarrants book Men and Feminism, see Voice Male, Spring 2009), a rare opportunity opens allowing readers to escape the linear box of homogenous thinking, to foster new ways of approaching issues, perceive and solve problems, and create a richer and more satisfying dialogue. Sadly, those who believe in gender inequality and gender dissension often reinforce their beliefs by raising children to believe as they do. Yet when I think of my mother, my daughter, my wife, my aunt, my niece, my female friends, I dont think of alien people oppositesrather, I simply think of people I love. I think of the men and boys in my life in the same way. I have a teenage son and I have rhetorically asked audiences many times, What kind of world do I want my son growing up in? A sexist world? To those who suggest, Why not? If its a mans world, your son will benefit, I reply, Youre wrong! Men do not benefit from living in a sexist world where men dominate and women are subordinate. Men do not benefit by training their sons to think primarily of women as objects of sexual gratification. Men do not benefit from teaching their sons to use aggression, intimidation, and violence to settle their differences with others, including differences they may have with the women in their lives. Men do not benefit by
placing glass ceilings between women and career opportunities. Simply put, men do not benefit from being sexist. Of course there are men who dont believe this characterization, who fear giving up their privilege, their sense of entitlement. They are the men who often have distant relationships with the females in their lives, devoid of real intimacy, whose children arent close to them. These are men who usually work too much, drink too often; whose health is compromised, and whose friendships are superficial and few. Yes, I am a man who made a film about sexism in contemporary media and society. I dont apologize for that. I am not a gender traitor as much as an ally in the movement for gender equality. I am glad to be part of a movement with many voices, many points of view. I believe in a community where people care about one another; support one another; work together, lean on each other, share ideas, constructively lend criticism, and respect each other. I view the plurality of thought around shared goals as strength. I stand for a community peopled by diverse thinkers who share the dream of creating a more progressive society. Some might characterize me as unsophisticated for believing in the idea that we are first and foremost a community of sisters and brothers who care about each other. To them I say, I plan to hold on to my nave view that all who care about social justice are part of a family. Why not join us? Writer, director and producer of Generation M: Misogyny in Media and Culture, Thomas Keith teaches philosophy at California State University, Long Beach. His new film about contemporary masculinity, The Manual For Building Dysfunctional Men, is due out next year. He works with Schools on Wheels, an organization mentoring and tutoring children living in homeless shelters and domestic violence shelters throughout greater Los Angeles. He can be reached at americanphilos@aol.com.
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Voice Male gives us fuel and fresh ideas for the work of ending male-dominated societies and supporting new roles for men and new relations between the sexes. Michael Kaufman,
co-founder, White Ribbon Campaign
I celebrate you for standing with women in the struggle to end violence against women and girls. Your brave magazine is bringing forward the new vision and voices of manhood which will inevitably shift this paradigm and create a world where we are all safe and free. Bless you for it.
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Voice Male
Nineteen men from 17 countries participated in a groundbreaking training in the Netherlands last December,Overcoming Violence: Exploring Masculinities, Violence & Peace, a program of the International Fellowship of Reconciliations Women Peacemakers Program (WPP). Co-facilitators were Steven Botkin, front row, on left, and Patricia Ackerman, front row, second from right. WPP program manager Isabelle Geuskens is seated at left, second row; WPP information officer Jos de Vries is in front row, far right.
onvinced that in order to transform cultures of war and violence to ones of peace and justice, women peace activists have begun to work with male allies. Nineteen men from 17 countries in Africa, Asia, Europe, America, the Middle East and the Pacific gathered in the Netherlands at the end of 2009 for a training of trainers on gender-sensitive active nonviolence. The two-week training, Overcoming Violence: Exploring Masculinities, Violence and Peace was organized by the International Fellowship of Reconciliations Women Peacemakers Program (www.ifor.org/ WPP.) At the end of their time together, the group drafted a document to express their commitments in a call to men and boys issued last International Human Rights Day. According to one of the trainers, Mens Resources Internationals Steven Botkin, participants at the historic gathering intend to implement initiatives in each of their home communities. A follow-up training is scheduled for July. A Call to Men and Boys WE uNdERsTaNd THaT mEN aNd WOmEN aRE sOCializEd iN a paTRiaRCHal sysTEm that legitimizes the use of different forms of violence to gain, restore, and control power affecting powerless and marginalized sections of society. We fully acknowledge that women suffer far more than men from gender oppression.
WE uNdERsTaNd aNd RECOgNizE THaT WOmEN HaVE alWays bEEN a agENT Of CHaNgE . Women worldwide are standing up against all forms of discrimination and violence to bring social and gender justice and peace to the world. Some men are now standing as allies with womens struggles but notions of dominant masculinities across cultures have posed challenges for gender equality and social justice. Both men and women are suffering in this system and they need to join hands to bring about transformative change. Men also have much to gain in health, general well being and safety through this change. WE
bEliEVE THaT all iNdiViduals HaVE Equal HumaN RigHTs irrespective of their
and further steps need to be taken to improve policies and programs pertaining to women and gender justice. WE
sTRONgly spEak OuT agaiNsT gENdER iNEqualiTy aNd disCRimiNaTiON towards
women in all forms and show our deep commitment towards gender-sensitive active nonviolence as a way of life. We are inspired by and committed to this work and the prospect of change in our lives and in our societies. We believe in peoples capacity to bring transformative change in nonviolent ways. THEREfORE TO:
WE Call ON all mEN aNd bOys
gender, origin, nationality, age, religion, caste, class, race, color, occupation, physical and mental abilities, and sexualities. All human beings have the right to a dignified life free of threats of discrimination. We assert our commitments to all international conventions and declarations, especially the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, Economic, Social and Cultural Rights, UN International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, UN Security Council Resolutions 1325, 1820, 1888 and 1889. These need to be fully implemented in their true spirit
Adopt gender-sensitive active nonviolence as a way of solving problems End violence against women in any form Engage in constructive dialogue with women Provide space for equal and meaningful participation of women in private and public spheres including peace-building processes Stop militarizing resistance and peace processes Promote policies that bring dignity to all people WE Call ON mEN aNd bOys TO jOiN us ON THis jOuRNEy.
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amily dioramas featuring aloof and distant men remind us of a history we know all too well: a chronicle of anger and aggression in which the suffering of victims is ignored and the spoils of war go to the bully. Ive given some thought to what the diorama of the first decade of the 21st century would look like. There are certainly male diehards (theres a hypermasculine word for you) among us, clinging to the old description of men as the strong and silent type. There remain male diehards for whom manhood is measured in self-control, invulnerability, and intimidation. But it is a hopeful sign, remarkable actually, how many men are moving to the other end of the continuumwearing their role as men more loosely, embodying qualities such as self-examination, accountability, sensitivity, patience, respect. No longer represented by the Marlboro Man on the edge of our field of vision, these are
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repeated confrontations with group members, John finally admitted that he was intoxicated on the night of his arrest and was stalking his ex-wife outside a motel room. As the weeks passed and he was able to think more clearly, he recognized he had been controlling and abusing his wife through all the years of their marriage. Through the group, John learned to examine his destructive core beliefs, to replace anger with the underlying feelings of hurt, fear, and shame, to empathize, and to find a new level of intimacy with both men and women. Groups can be effective because elders pass mores to initiates just as they have for thousands of years. If someone calls his wife a bitch, an elder says, We dont talk that way here. Men resocialize other men, who in turn resocialize newer guys. Many men leave feeling different from when they first came to group. They stop seeing women as prey. They admit their wrongs. They come to value, both in principle and pragmatically, egalitarianism. Sometimes they say to me, You know we never talk like this anywhere else. The objective of court-mandated groups is to reduce recidivism. The criminal justice system doesnt want these men to hurt their wives again, get into bar fights, or wipe out a family driving drunk. But the group process often produces so much more: a man who not only avoids antisocial behavior but goes deep enough inside that he tells the truth about himself, makes room for feelings without letting them run his life, recognizes the dangers of power and control, and lives with sensitivity and respect. Twelve-step groups Lionels been drunk most every night for almost a decade. Over the years, three wives have left him, and hes had four arrests for drunk driving. Its a Friday night, and he parks his car outside the Congregational church a half-hour early for the eight oclock meeting. He keeps the car running because its January and cold, but mostly in case he decides to run. A few minutes before eight, other people park their cars and go in. He counts them16, 17, 18and then finds himself getting out of the car19. People tell their stories. Getting into a fight with a friend and waking up with broken ribs. Trying to commit suicide. Spending a year in jail after a fifth drunk driving arrest. Getting divorced by a spouse who was sick of their drinking. Promising to see a son in the playoffs and getting drunk at the bar instead. Then they talk about how much better things have gotten since they stopped drinking. How they appreciate their family. How theyre less competitive. How they go out of their way to help others, especially other alcoholics. Lionel is stunned. Not so much by their stories as by how they tell them. Hes never heard people admit what theyve done so openly, in such detail, with so much honesty. Lionel doesnt know it, but this is his introduction to intimacy. When his turn comes, he says he knows he drinks too much and that hes gotten in trouble with the law. Thats all he can bring himself to say on this first night. If Lionel keeps attending AA, hell learn to disclose, shed some tears, find empathy for others, and feel a sense of camaraderie without the aid of a bottle of gin. The purpose of AA and other twelve-step groups is not to emancipate men from traditional manhood. Nevertheless, many a man started out on his own road to liberation at a meeting in a church basement. Couples counseling Women often demand their partners agree to couples counseling if they want to avoid divorce. Women usually articulate their concerns and disclose their feelings more clearly than men, who may not exhibit the same psychological insight. The way males are socialized undervalues a relational approach, putting men at a disadvantage. Still, men can be surprisingly quick learnerstheres a lot at stake in couples counseling and they often morph into more empathic and gentler men.
Gerry and Lynn had been married 25 years. Their daughter had left for college and the house now seemed empty. Gerry was an engineer, and he used his not inconsiderable planning skills to lay out the schedule of Lynns days. When I initially interviewed him, he sat at the edge of the couch looking at the wall. I made an observation about the relationship, to which he raised his finger and said, I dont agree with that. When the session ended, he commented, Well, it doesnt seem like we accomplished much today. I wondered what it would be like to be married to a man who censured ones best efforts so sharply and probably so often. But Gerry wanted to stay married, and in our couples counseling sessions he worked hard to add a new dimension to himselfthe feeling one. He entered a mens therapy group and quickly became an insightful group leader. One day, the men had a discussion: How to know when it was time to leave the group. Gerry said, Its when youve gotten enough in touch with your feelings that you notice you can be intimate with the ones you love. Individual therapy Men usually come to treatment in crisis. Bill reported that he and Marla, his partner of two years, had a good relationship. Last Thursday, they argued and, when she said she wanted to end the relationship, he pushed Marla into the wall. Scared by his behavior, he showed up in my office the next day. Crisis is not the best motivator for treatment, but he nonetheless attended 16 sessions, where he came to understand he didnt trust people, seeing the world as essentially unsafe because of his childhood history, with a wayward mother, and alcoholic father. At points in counseling, he had tears in his eyes. He learned to talk more openly with Marla about his fears, making the prospect of further violence less likely. All things considered, Bill became a considerably more open man over the course of counseling. Other influences Traditional churches spoke with authority, in terms of moral absolutes. The new church is personal. The pastor speaks of his private life, and after the service, people head off to their Bible study or addiction recovery groups, which are often less study and more therapy. Conventional pastors were upright men of God who bore no apparent human blemishes. Today they are failed people in recovery. When I went to one of these churches with a friend, she pointed to the pastor and said proudly, He used to be a cocaine addict. EMS personnel are taught to provide empathy; human resource staffs are trained in personality inventory and relationship skills; the military provides grief counseling. Public schools teach about respectful relationships, including anti-bullying. In medical school, physicians learn how to tell patients about terminal illness. State programs offer counseling to judges and attorneys for substance abuse and burn out. So what about a diorama for the 21st century? Youve probably concluded youd need several, if not many. One might still depict the man away from the family; another might find him in the center with his partner and children. Another might show him with children alone. Still another, with another man. In a time of transition, roles are in flux as men grow in new directions. But one thing is clear: the influences at play in creating new definitions of manhood are powerful, and theyre coming from many sources.
Charlie Donaldson is a therapist, writer, and former codirector of the Mens Resource Center of West Michigan. He is coauthor (with Randy Flood) of Stop Hurting the Woman You Love: Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Abuse (Hazelden, 2006).
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Kai Chiang
ike his fellow Journeymen, Noah Koester says he looks forward to hanging out together with the guys for four hours of biking, hiking, disc golf, wrestling and heart-to-heart talking. The five teenagers from around Franklin County, Massachusetts, just south of Vermont and New Hampshire, have been meeting the past several months with their four mentors. They are part of Boys to Men, an international organization that tries to support and encourage boys on the journey to healthy manhood navigating the challenges of adolescence in the absence of communal bonds that once were common in a more family-oriented, villagecentered time. People always say theres a road of life, but its more like a field, said Koester, a 14year-old high school student from Warwick, Mass. You choose your own path, you follow who you choose. Last August, Koester took part in a weekend-long Rite-of-Passage Adventure Weekend at a camp near Brattleboro, Vt., along with two dozen other boys from around the Northeast. Koesters father, David, also took part and remains one of five adult mentors for
the Journeymen, or j-group, in the year that follows. The rite-of-passage initiation is for teenage boys, a part of the 12-year-old Boys to Men program that began in California as a way to help young men through what can often be a difficult transition into adulthood. The younger males are guided by adult mentors, who also volunteer to help the Journeymen John Berkowitz of Shelburne, Mass., a former human service worker, who coordinates the Boys to Men Network in the southern Vermont, northwestern Massachusetts area, says, We believe that todays boys have lost what boys have had in every culture throughout history: a support network of elders, fathers, uncles and other males who initiate and mentor them into young manhood. Along with a nearly 50 percent divorce rate, this has led so many boys to fill the void by joining gangs, abusing alcohol and drugs, perpetrating violence toward themselves and others, becoming addicted to the video screen, engaging in unhealthy sexuality, experiencing declining academic performance, and distracting themselves by increasing consumerism and materialism.
Boys to Men, with groups operating in Germany and South Africa, supports boys and encourages them to trust in one another and open up. The boy code, as defined by William Pollack in his book Real Boys, trains males to be tough and independent, to dominate others, distrust other males, and to suffer in private without ever crying, never examining or expressing feelings other than anger. The effects can include bullying, domestic violence and suicide, say Pollack, Berkowitz and members of the j-group themselves. I think it leads to pent-up emotions that sort of overflow when you reach a certain age, and that can lead to all sorts of confusion, says 13-year-old Jonah Ferdman-Hayden of South Hadley, Mass., a participant in the less than year-old group. Society tells all the males to just man up, dont let your emotions out, just keep them in. David Koester, 53, recalls that when he was growing up, there wasnt any similar organization, other than a church group that conceivably could have done a little of that role, but I dont think it did. For me, there wasnt really an opportunity. I was getting
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the wrong messages: A boy was supposed to learn to handle things, mostly on their own, (to) cowboy up and tough it out and not pay attention to your feelings. Thats the reason I really wanted to get involved in this, to change that. Koester signed up for the rite-of-passage with his son and became a mentor after first trying a 24-hour mens workshop, Finding Your Teenage Fire, that also serves as a mentor training and includes j-men teens in the reverse role of mentors to their elders. Boys to men, has trained more than 3000 youths, and helps not only the boys but the men, Berkowitz said, in healing some of those old wounds from their teenage years, making sure boys today get the support they didnt have. Berkowitz, who had worked with adolescents at a Vermont-based community mental health agency and other programs, became interested after seeing a documentary film about it three years ago. I think most of the men who get involved with this feel that this is something we missed as teenagers, he said. Were trying to get back and understand ourselves, to things we think teenage boys really ought to get in terms of supporting and understanding in themselves, being able to express what they feel in a way that isnt going to hurt somebody else. Every man here, we all struggled in our adolescence. It was painful stuff, with wounds, hurt that somehow gets in the way of our adult
selves and prevents us from fulfilling our best dreams and mission in life. All Boys to Men gatheringsrites-ofpassage weekends, mentor training and biweekly j-men sessionsprovide an opportunity for participants, young and old, to share together through play and heartfelt discussions. Unlike scouting and other youth activities that are activity driven, the group emphasizes
The organization helps not only boys but men, who heal wounds from their teenage years.
sharing feelings, and unlike programs like Big Brothers Big Sisters, doesnt try to match a single mentor with a single teen. I feel a lot of times like Im the only one with a problem, that no one understands, said Noah Koester. But in j-group, with all the experience of the mentors, if theyve been through the same thing, they can tell you how they got through it and that can help you choose the right path. A different youth group hes part of includes group discussions, as well as similar fun activities, but the sharing isnt nearly as deep. If I say I felt very stressed this past week,
someone will say, Im sorry and move on to the next one. In this group, if you say that, the mentors and others would say, What stressed you? How did it stress you? How do you think you can deal with it? Do you need suggestions about how you can deal with the stuff stressing you? Here, were all out playing a game, if somethings bothering you, you can just pull one (mentor) aside and say, Can I talk to you? The j-group remains together throughout the year and ideally for three or four years, through its members adolescence, teaching the young men how to resolve conflicts without having to hurt the people around them. Cost of the weekend initiation and the years program is $450; most teens receive some kind of financial aid and no ones ever turned away because of lack of funds. The program tries to help young men learn to be comfortable with themselves and with each other, Berkowitz said, to learn to speak your truth, to speak your feelings. And as men were learning that ourselves. We just want to make it so that it doesnt take so long for the men of tomorrow to get there. For more information, visit www.boystomen.org or, boystomennewengland.org. Richie Davis is senior writer for The Recorder, a daily newspaper in Greenfield, Mass., where a version of this article originally appeared. He can be reached at rdavis@recorder.com.
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Books
Awakening Joy:
Ten Steps That Will Put You on the Road to Happiness
By James Baraz and Shoshana Alexander Hardcover: 336 pages, Bantam Books, 2010
eres a book that works like a locksmiths tool opening a door; in this case its into a more fulfilling life. An outgrowth of James Barazs successful online course of the same name, Awakening Joy: Ten Steps That Will Put You on the Road to Happiness is an accessible, anecdote-rich guide filled with valuable tips to understanding both the roadblocks that pose challenges in our lives and the open road we can reach to drive on the highway of our own personal happiness. As a longtime meditation teacher, Baraz distills three decades of inquiry into the mind into this down-to-earth primer. Co-written with longtime colleague and student, the gifted editor Shoshana Alexander, the book evokes the warmth of a satisfying conversationactually a series of conversationswith a wise friend. And make no mistake: Baraz is wise. And compassionate, giving and optimistic. Hes also a gifted teacher. Among his gifts? Promoting joy as a gateway to pass through on the journey to self-awareness. To those whose upbringing emphasized a narrow-minded, should oriented approach to living, awakening a sense of joy as a means of achieving personal growth might seem contraindicated. How can we jump ahead of struggle, pain and sufferingthe trinity of stages of personal growth many believe people must first pass through to reach higher states of happiness? Such an approach misses the markby a wide margin. Baraz is not so much advocating an eat dessert first approach to living as much as saying dessert is available all the time in succulent, small bites. Rooted in mindfulness meditation practice, which Baraz has been practicing and teaching since the seventies (he is one of the founding teachers of the Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California), the book is peppered with quotes from a range of teachers, as well as participants in the Awakening Joy course. The book also draws on paths to happiness found in a range of spiritual traditions. Another of its strengths is the accessible, open-minded and open-hearted way Baraz introduces readers to Buddhism. While dealing with lifes adversity is certainly addressed in the bookwe appreciate Baraz all the more for being open and vulnerable in sharing
many painful episodes in his own lifetime and again he brings readers back to an appreciation for wholesome states of living. After an eye operation left him with seriously compromised visionthe world looked like a Jacques Cousteau underwater documentary filmed on a cloudy dayBaraz relied on his meditation practice to see him through. When a risky operation eventually restored his vision, he felt a surge of gratitude that just never subsided. [T]he gratitude I felt at my good fortune became a continuous backdrop to everything else in my life, he wrote. Baraz says that over a long period of time he has trained himself to examine his experiences carefully, not only for my own spiritual growth but also to share my findings with students. As a result of the appreciation he felt at his clear vision, he became fascinated with the question, What is gratitude? In many ways, this book answers that questiona first hand account of his experiences as an explorer of the landscape of the grateful heart. Rob Okun
the book addresses are substance abuse and addiction, emotions, sexuality, work, money, fatherhood, and barriers to personal fulfillment. Like much about contemporary expressions of masculinity, mens resistance to reading books about their inner lives is changing, too. Mens Healing is part of that transition, a welcome course correction on the journey to wholeness.
Film
Red Moon:
Mens Healing:
Directed by Diana Fabianova 2009, 53 minutes Distributed by Media Education Foundation (www. mediaed.org)
By Alan Lyme, David J. Powell, and Stephen Andrew Hanley Hope, 185 pages
powerful aid for men to not just locate the map to their inner lives but also know what to do once theyve arrived, Mens Healing: A Toolbox for Life is an essential book in any male travelers carry-on or backpack. Using the metaphor of the toolbox, the authors cover a lot of ground with sections from growing up male to psychological and emotional treatments for issues men uniquely face. A section with resources, homework, activities, and a questionnaire makes the book a useful manual and includes case studies and exercises which, the authors recommend, are best completed in a separate journal. According to the authors, Mens Healing is designed as a self-help book to be used by men and the therapists and counselors who treat them, and they urge doing more than just reading through the stories. To grow and transform oneself, they believe, requires more than a change in mental activity; it calls for a shift in attitude. For the book to be helpful means making a serious commitment to using the tools and doing the recommended exercises. Ultimately, the authors write, Mens Healing: A Toolbox for Life is a spiritual book, asking questions not only about how to live but also about why we live. Among the key topics in mens lives that
hen filmmaker Diana Fabianova reached puberty, she found herself irremediably trapped in menstrual etiquette. She carefully hid the evidence from her father and brother first, and later on, from most of the other men in her life. And no matter how bad she felt, she pretended she was fine. The taboo far exceeded the scope of her family: it was all around her. Periods were a girl thing. Periods were shameful. Periods were inappropriate for public discussion. End of the story? Not quite. Something in her was reluctant to accept and suffer in silence. Why did the sign of what all societies consider a blessingwomens ability to give birthhappen to be described with names and expressions like The curse (in England), the English war debarquement (France), and to be on the rags (U.S.)? With humor and refreshing candor, Fabianovas Red Moon provides a fascinating, often ironic, take on the absurd and frequently dangerous cultural stigmas and superstitions surrounding womens menstruation. As educational as it is liberating, the film functions as both a mythbusting overview of the realities of menstruation, and a piercing cultural analysis of the ways in which struggles over meaning and power have played out through history on the terrain of womens bodies. While ideal for womens studies and health courses, as well as anthropology, sociology, and cultural studies, the film may prove to be important for young men on the journey to healthy manhood in understanding young womens journey to healthy womanhood.
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Collaborative Divorce www.collaborativealternatives.com www.collaborativedivorce.com www.collaborativepractice.com www.nocourtdivorce.com The Fathers Resource Center Online resource, reference, and network for stay-at-home dads www.slowlane.com National Center for Fathering Strategies and programs for positive fathering. www.fathers.com National Fatherhood Initiative Organization to improve the well-being of children through the promotion of responsible, engaged fatherhood www.fatherhood.org
Gay Rights
Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation Works to combat homophobia and discrimination in television, film, music and all media outlets www.glaad.org Human Rights Campaign Largest GLBT political group in the country. www.hrc.org Interpride Clearing-house for information on pride events worldwide www.interpride.net LGBT Health Channel Provides medically accurate information to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allied communities. Safer sex, STDs, insemination, transgender health, cancer, and more www.lgbthealthchannel.com. National Gay and Lesbian Task Force National progressive political and advocacy group www.ngltf.org Outproud - Website for GLBT and questioning youth www.outproud.org Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays www.pflag.org
Fathering
Fatherhood Initiative Massachusetts Childrens Trust Fund Supporting fathers, their families and theprofessionals who work with them www.mctf.org Fathers and Daughters Alliance (FADA) Helping girls in targeted countries to return to and complete primary school fatheranddaughter.org Fathers with Divorce and Custody Concerns Looking for a lawyer? Call your state bar association lawyer referral agency. Useful websites include: www.dadsrights.org (not www.dadsrights.com) www.directlex.com/main/law/divorce/ www.divorce.com www.divorcecentral.com www.divorcehq.com www.divorcenet.com www.divorce-resource-center.com www.divorcesupport.com
Have an idea how to spread the Voice Male message? Contact editor Rob Okun at: rob@voicemalemagazine.org.
www.Voicemalemagazine.org
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Atonement
The dreams we had burned but the house came true today. Doors barked fierce and wild before curling up to sleep through flames. Children were born, bright in the sky like strangers. Who let them in, then closed the stars behind them? * * * be with us.
by Michael Burke
I thought to look for you, went outside and waited for you to come: willow, tornado, dish of olives. Hanging garden by the waters of, black swan gliding. We have no need of it: it will always
* * * If it rains in the east go fishing in the west: trees exchange apparel; the wind still comes and goes. We live out a series of hard bargains, and we take home what we pay for.
Voice Male copy editor Michael Burke is a poet and writer who lives in Belchertown, Massachusetts.
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General Support Groups: Open to any man who wants to experience a mens group. Topics of discussion reflect the needs and interests of the participants. Groups are held in these Western Massachusetts communities: Hadley, at North Star, 135 Russell Street, 2nd Floor: Tuesday evenings (7:00 9:00 PM). Entrance on Route 47 opposite the Hadley Town Hall. Greenfield, at Network Chiropractic, 21 Mohawk Trail: Wednesday evenings (7:00 9:00 PM). Group for Men Who Have Experienced Childhood Neglect, Abuse, or Trauma: Open to men who were subjected to neglect and/or abuse growing up, this group is designed specifically to ensure a sense of safety for participants. It is a facilitated peer support group and is not a therapy group. Group meetings are held on Fridays (7:00 9:00 PM) at the Synthesis Center in Amherst, 274 N. Pleasant Street (just a few doors north of the former MRC building). Group for Gay, Bisexual, and Questioning Men: Specifically for men who identify as gay or bisexual, or who are questioning their sexual orientation, this group is designed to provide a safe and supportive setting to share experiences and concerns. Gay or bi-identified transgendered men are welcome! In addition to providing personal support, the group offers an opportunity for creating and strengthening local networks. Group meetings are held on Mondays (7:00 9:00 PM) at the Synthesis Center in Amherst, 274 N. Pleasant Street (just a few doors north of the former MRC building).