PAGE 8

www.thehimalayantimes.com

THE HIMALAYAN TIMES, SUNDAY, APRIL 17, 2011

AGENDA
PEOPLESPEAK

Taboos: Break the shackles for better Nepal

We live in a society which is guided by traditions and dictated by norms and values. Social norms, family values play a strong role in the making and breaking of relationships. In order to give continuity to the traditions, there are certain rules and guidelines set by society. Going against them would be considered breaching the social order. Forbidden intercaste marriage can be cited as a glaring example of the influence of tradition in society and family. Peoples mindset is such that they take caste differentiation as a natural thing and believe that their existence is associated with the same . That is the reason why priority is given to the same caste or within caste marriage. However, the young generation is struggling against it. It is sad to see young couples thrashed, mistreated and cast out just because they chose a partner from outside their caste. It is ridiculous to see people still clinging on to the old mindset when it comes to establishing relationships. Thus, it is time that all educated people joined hands and fought against such social evil and taboos to eliminate it from our society. Ambika Pandey In todays day and age, though we call ourselves a liberalised, modern society there still are preconceived notions about certain things and are considered taboo in our society. Like, love marriage, widow remarriage, et cetera. To me these perceptions are outdated and should not be given importance. Most of the people think that widow remarriage is a big offence committed by the widow. But what about a widower who gets the approval of the same people who had denied the same to the widow? This socalled modern society discriminates between man and woman. But to change this way of thinking of our society, education can play a very important role to teach them that every person in the society has the right to live their life with all the freedom they want irrespective of the gender of the person in concern. Vaishnavi,Birgunj In reality taboos are neither discussed nor accepted by anybody; they are more likely to be felt. Taboos used to be something I read either in my Social Studies book or some magazines. Being an educated citizen, I thought taboos would have no effect on me until I was proved wrong. She was my friend. I met a few of my neighbours when I was walking with one of my female friends. The smile on their faces when they saw me with her embarrassed me. Then my friend insisted that I let her walk home alone as it was nearby. This made me think seriously. Though we call ourselves a part of this modern society, we are prone to and infected by this virus called social taboo. Cant there be a clean and healthy relation between a boy and a girl? Shiva Ram Neupane Caste and sexual discrimination, child marriage, dowry system, Kamaiya, Haliya, Chhaupadi, witchcraft are social evils in Nepal. And often women, children and other the so-called social low castes are the victims. These are the systems developed by the so-called high castes in society for their vested interests. Such systems are deep-rooted in every society. What can be a more effective tool than education to root out such obsolete absolute beliefs? The dowry system has different cause and effects. Its saturated in all levels of society educated or uneducated, well-off or have-nots. Needy people are forced to endure torture and many have even lost their lives. Education is not the penicillin nor will banning help, but change in perspective is needed. Buddhi Kunwar castes. Lets not estrange them. Lets understand that we are all human beings, and thats only our caste. Ashim,Jhapa quences are not good like suicidal attempt, illegal abortion, mental illness. I support premarital sex taboo and feel it should be followed. Parash Shrestha,Surkhet When we follow certain principles, rules and dogmas blindly or without proper understanding its value and goodness, there is bound to be taboos in society. We have made the social norms and values, religion and social customs. According to me, the way society thinks, behaves and responds to women is the greatest drawback of this modern society. Today we work in big companies, travel in expensive AC vehicles, dine in fancy restaurants, but the way we treat our women is still the same as we did 50 years ago. It may not be valid in all cases, but the problem is still there. Right to freedom, right to work, right to own property, right to wages or equal pay, right to proper education are only in words. One thing must be understood if women are liberated, we all are liberated. This comes out of deep love and understanding. If we understand our mothers, sisRatna Sagar Shrestha / THT ters, daughters and colleagues situation and slavery, and if we loved them, we definitely wouldnt want them to suffer. Bhim Raj Poudel,Dhapasi Untouchability is a major ob- for example not to walk on the Height,Kathmandu stacle that the Nepalis are bat- road when a black cat crosses, tling. This is a major problem not to buy new clothes on Mon Kathmandu has become a which is restricting the people day and so on. However, I respect our society modernised city. People here from developmental activities. There have also been some social where there are certain taboos have started behaving more or workers trying to fight this social which we really should to follow. less the same with everyone evil. So, in order to get rid of In our society there is taboo while many misconceptions hathis, it has to be looked upon against sex before marriage. I ve been replaced by new thoufrom the government level and support this. Our society is much ghts and actions. On the other also encourage people in rural enamoured with the Western hand, outside the Valley, there villages who are victims of un- lifestyle, fashion, and so on. still lie countless old traditions touchability to protest against it Moreover todays teenagers have like the dowry system, child marand also request the literate class boyfriends and girlfriends. Some riage, superstitions, gender into organise programmes and of them also have physical rela- equality, religious biasness. The functions against these types of tionship with each other which only way to transform this is by leads to other mishaps. If the means of education. ill practices. Milan Khadka, Nischal Sharma families dont accept their relaPrayagpokhari,Lalitpur tionship, then some conse Though we are educated, we blindly follow some ritualistic cultures. The burning perception is to sacrifice cocks, ducks, goats, to Kuledevi during Dashain. We On public vehicles, we come across cases when passengers participate in such a cruel ritual and conductors quarrel a few rupees. Some conductors do not thinking that if such animals return passengers the change due him/her if it is less like Re 1 or Rs 2. arent sacrificed, some disaster And there are passengers who prefer to quarrel with conductors and will befall us. drivers just for Re 1 than pay full fare. Do you think such an amount Sharmila Shrestha needs such quarrelling and haggling over? Or is it an indication that

Even today when a cat crosses the road, we dont dare move Chettri ko choro yo pau ahead. Our liberal perspectives runs out although we know that it chhunchha ghina le chhudaina, Maanisa thulo dila le hucha is nothing but an absurd notion. Sangeet Sangroula jaata le hudaina Laxmi Parsad Devkota Though the system of un We Nepalis are becoming so- touchability exists in our society, phisticated but our knowledge is we call ourselves a modern, libernarrowing. In Nepal, especially in alised society. In this context, one rural areas, the system of un- of the prominent taboos defamtouchability still exists. Why cant ing the whole nation is the Chauwe accept and understand that padi system in Far Western rethe so-called untouchables gion which still is pervasively Kami, Damai, Satar... are also hu- practised. In this system, women man beings. Dont they have feel- who are having their periods ings like us? Dont they feel hu- have to stay in a cowshed for five miliated? Dont they have a heart days. This is embarrassing and like us? Its time to think about insulting to the women. Not only in the remote areas of this ill system. The caste system has unwarrantedly divided our the country, even in urban areas, society into mutually hostile and basically in Brahmin community, conflicting groups and sub- menstruating women are restricted from touching others, groups. Untouchability has given cooking and even doing the puja, scope to inhuman practice. The which in my view is nothing more so-called lower caste people are than a mockery of religion. Swati Dhakal, converting into other religions Battishputali,Kathmandu due to the tyranny of the upper

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

As our nation Nepal is a south Asian country , our cultures, customs and traditions come with certain types of taboos. Its good to get rid of some taboos which are not suitable in our daily life

passengers and conductors are both aware of their rights? Whats your view and suggestion?
Send your replies in not more than 200 words by Friday, April 22 by 2 pm to Features Department, The Himalayan Times; e-mail: features@thehimalayantimes.com You can even post your answer online. Log on to www.thehimalayantimes.com

Friends or lovers?

Soul
Prem

WHEN SISTERS STAND SHOULDER TO SHOULDER, WHO STANDS A CHANCE AGAINST US? PAM BROWN

SISTER
Since then I have become an emotional wreck its been almost six years but the scar is still there. Life is a confusion. He has tried to rectify but I think it is not genuine. I have been abusing the antidepressants the doctor has prescribed. I have two sons who are abroad .There are many factors leading to this situation, but I do not want to be dependent on this medicine. I have a busy life but I feel empty inside. Hope you can just say something nice so that it will make me feel better. No more psychiatrists who will just give me medicine. Name withheld Dear Disillusioned, I am glad that you wrote to me. Let me tell you that a lot of women from all walks of life are in a situation just like yours, but you want to feel good, get off medication and feel better about yourself, your life. It is a very good decision! But you need to start making the right choices and find ways to enjoy life, be happy from within yourself, only then can you start afresh. You wrote that your husband has changed his ways. So, instead of having doubts and wasting your energy about him being genuine, try and work it out with him in your own way. Women can adapt, be flexible and adjust, unlike men. YES, men with sound financial background have their ways. Why dont you go along with it and maybe it will all eventually change for the better. I do believe that you are not at fault but if you want the marriage to work and at the same time not feel empty inside, then you have to start enjoying life if not with him, only for yourself and to get out of the years of abuse. By being depressed and disillusioned with your life you cannot do so. You have to become strong and selfish by simply enjoying all that life has to offer. Think about the good lifestyle you can have, let go of the past and your scar will definitely heal if you want it to by taking advantage of all the good that you have as you are already a smart and well-educated woman. You need to stop hurting by protecting your emotions. Life is not what we all want it to be, but one can get the best out of it. You know what you want from it as it is your life always keep that in mind and you will find immense joy in living. Just remember as the saying goes when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Dont let anything get to you which harms you, its not worth it. Instead turn the tables around. I am advising you as a woman to woman and not a professional, like your psychiatrist. Hope it works! And why wont it, if you set your mind to take things into control yourself? And we all live only once! I truly wish you all the very best from the depth of my soul.

I met a girl in college last year and we became friends. Slowly I fell in love with her. Now she is on my mind 24x7. She is a very kind girl, frank with everyone. But she doesnt believe in love. She calls me which she doesnt do with other friends. She shares everything with me. Should I tell my true feelings for her? How do I know whether it is just friendship from her side or that she also really loves me?

ing to you as you may be a good listener, who is worth being a great friend. Well you wont know it all until you talk to her openly. Just hope and pray that she feels the same and reciprocates. Be prepared that you could also lose her. But you will know only when you tell her your true feelings. When in love, honesty is the best policy, and the right way to go. I truly wish you all the very best and a lot of good luck.

Dear Prem, You have to be honest and tell the girl about your feelings. Tthere are no ifs and buts about it because she maybe considering you to be her very good friend only. And if you dont express how you feel about her, then of course you will never know. It seems to me that even though she is kind and frank with everyone, you could be her very best friend, and if she does not believe in love, then chances are that maybe she feels good sharing everything with you as she sees a lot more in you that makes her like you more as a friend than everyone else. Also, probably she is comfortable talk-

Wife disillusioned with life

I am writing on behalf of all middle-aged women who might be in the same situation as me. I am a well-educated person with sound family background. My education was done entirely abroad. I am still attractive, very energetic and a sportsperson. My main problem started when I found out that true companionship between a husband and a wife was not what it was supposed to be. (It was not my fault). You know men, especially this type blessed with sound financial background, and who have a lot of spare time at their disposal.

Chaya Gupta believes in making life better, not bitter. She feels passionately about helping others. So, if you feel there is no one to turn to, that no one understands you or that you just plain feel alone, Chaya is here, ready to lend you an ear and answer questions bothering you. Relationship problems? You feel your parents do not understand you? No idea how to deal with peer pressure? Or are you generally disillusioned with life and dont know what to do or where to turn next? Write your worries and problems to your Soul Sister Chaya and share your aches with her.

Dear Readers, If you do not want your identity to revealed in print, please mention so when you write in your problems to Soul Sister Chaya Eds

YOU CAN REACH HER AT

soulsis@thehimalayantimes.com