THE VALUE OF ONE RANDOM DAY

By Yana Arsyadi
I feel guilty. I have just re-read my journal that records my daily activities. Now I have a mixed emotion, and the unpleasant part dominate, leaving an "after taste" that lingers and annoys me. @@@ Day after day for these past three weeks I have been dilligently keeping the journal.This is part of my program towards a happier life. Several experts on well being or on the psychology of happiness recommend this practice, keeping a journal. (Tal Ben Shahar, the Positive Psychology professor of Harvard said in his book "Happier", that building a ritual is a tiny but a surest step towards happier state. Gretchen Rubin (who is not a professor or any formal authority on this subject. But hey.... she did her own independent study on happiness ! That certainly makes her a qualified advocate on happiness, doesn't it? ) said in her book, The Happiness Project - that by making sure that we keep track and monitor our resolution and goals, we become happier. Jennifer Aaker, the Stanford's professor who is also a big name on happiness, wrote that one is happier when one perceives he or she is ta king greater control of his or her life. In this context, writing down your daily experience in your journal gives you a greater sense of control of your days. @@@ Anyway, I have been faithfully keeping my journal for three weeks now and today I am doing a recapitulation of those 21 days. I found that writing down mundane or/and yet important things everyday gives you greater sense of accomplishments, especially when you become trained to expand your " "memory card" capacity in your brain. I also realize that my life - especially my "interior life", inside my head - is richer than I thought. Everyday seems less trivia, but more meaningful, when we record events and details. .. The downside of that I become so absorbed in those pleasant moments, nooks and niches of my days that I become disoriented.... I seem to lose my grip on the big picture. My short term memory is enriched and sharpened by the experiense on the expense of my middle and long term memory. I can not seem to remember what I did three or four days ago !!! I remember the details, but I just forget when. . That's why I do a "recap" each week. Like today. @@ Micro speaking, everyone who glimpses at my journal pages would say that I spend my day wisely, that in the end would constitute a life worth living. .. But on the macro level, despite the good feeling I got every time I manage to put an entry in the journal, I feel guilty when I read all entries for the 21 days. I feel guilty for one reason : I have not achieved any important targets I set for myself. .. Well, let's see. Within 21 days, I coached one new facilitator, I cooked and entertained dozens guests, was involved in deep intellectual arguments/discussions (not sure which) with a couple of friends), read three books, dozens of articles, doing research on three subjects simultaneously (leadership, happiness and plantership (if there is such word)) wrote two essays, met clients, clinched one imprtant deal, supervised my team, coached them, won a table topic session in Toastmasters, helped a friend in business problem and amassed twelve new books ( I am going to write down the new books title in another posting). And yup, you heard me right, I have not met any particular important targets I set :-). @@

By "important targets" I meant all critical actions that are directly related with my job, my business. These are tangible actions I have to take in order to eventually fulfill tangible measures of my and my team's, my company's survival. For eg. profit, increase in my employee's salary. . So, the list depicting many achievements I made these past three weeks in the end does not contribute to my feelings of contentment. Why? Because I have not done a single thing towards my main responsibility as the leader of my company and that in the end could bring unforeseen troubles. For example: by not finishing all proposals my clients ask for, I risk losing three long term projects in the future.. @@ I can use all those fancy arguments of psychologists to justify my procrastination in the disguise of trying to live in a more meaningful way. But I can not defy the law of nature. That law spells : Prioritized Responsibilities. Commitment. I learned my lesson. It is OK to pursue interests and passion, but only when you have fulfilled your main obligations and duties. .. Anyone care to play the role of Devil's Advocate?