Chapter 1

Me, Myself and I

OUR STARTING POINT
In our life, how many times have we entered & re-entered a darkened passage way? We often look elsewhere for answers or even put blame on others for our misfortunes and failures. Seldom we look inside us, seldom we questions ourselves because mostly we are unaware.;-) VEHLLADEA 5/1/2011

Me, Myself and I

I really don t know how to start, or where to start, but all I know is that I should start. In fact I should have started a long time ago. Being connected to something I m not fully aware of is confusing and overwhelming. At age 4 or 5, I began to notice and observe everything and everyone around me. As a child I enjoy playing outside with my younger sister and brother. Rainy days are not a good friend to me, because like my mother, it holds us from enjoying our time. Rainy days are boring days. One day I went outside and looked at the sky, since it s been raining forever, I talked to the rain and plead, asking it to go away so we could play. As I was looking up, this bright clouds caught my eyes and I stared, I was like hypnotized, suddenly I felt different. A question popped in my head saying what am I doing in a child s body? After a while I was looking at my arms, my legs, my feet and touched my face, I went back into the house and looked in the mirror trying to feel is it really true, I m human? Looking around the house, something tells me that everything is temporary. I don t understand at that time but from that moment on I felt everything is unreal. It s like dreaming. Grew up in a big family, been raised by a difficult mother, and caught in the middle of a family feud, angry with life and being told what to believe made me so confused. The fantasy world of fairy tales and

So when your life is constantly in chaos, you may want to review the details as far as you can remember about what you may have done yesterday, last month, last year a few years back or check the way you think about yourself and others, how you treat them as to how they treat you back. We can change the world by changing ourselves first. ;-)

magical stories helped me cope up with the challenging realities of my physical world in those days. I m not a bright student; I could hardly understand my teacher, especially in reading. When I was in elementary bright students sits on the first row, average students sits on the second row and below sits on the third row. Of course I was in the third row. I fear going to school, having an impatient teacher who pinched me just because I couldn t read and follow instructions to the exams. Surprisingly my mother went to school as she was informed by my sister that I was crying and afraid to go school because of the incident. She talked to my teacher and informed her about me. I was a blue baby , dead when I came out of this world, revived by my father and the midwife. My probability would either be too intelligent or too stupid, and so my teacher was sorry about it. I got sick and wasn t able to come to school for a week. I came back to school and felt that something is different about my teacher; she s looking at me with deep remorse in her eyes. I felt at peace with my environment as if like someone is telling me that everything will be okay. Indeed it was, like magic, I was able to read and follow the lessons that day and it was the first time I ve felt being helped by invisible forces around me, it s like seeing something I can t see or hearing something I can t hear. Which lead me into finding the truth about our existence in connection with God.

I was invited to join a Christian group just before I graduated from elementary. I fell in love with Christ and so I listened to the Gospels. It was the first time that I was able to read the bible and understand more about the life and works of Christ, and why it s so significant to all. I continued my quest in high school, the first act of defiance against my mother was attending the general assembly of my group out of town. Another challenging physical reality I was facing is the words of persecutions and finding fault in anything I do by my own family, especially my mother, the reason I remained firm is that Christ himself experienced persecution, I hold on to Mathew 5:10 Blessed are those persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven . It s like waking up in another dream, the same feeling I felt during my childhood days, but this time it s more intense. I always feel like being in a cage more like a dungeon, a beast at the door waiting for me to move so it can eat me alive. I ve been hopping from one religion to another. I know in my heart that the teachings of Christ are true, but something is missing, or something doesn t fit, like pieces of puzzles put down on the wrong slot. Whenever I start to feel that the words of God is being inflicted by the rule of men, I step out and look for another group that could make me feel something right in my heart, but even me isn t aware of what is that right I m looking for. I cannot stand being with a crowd of people, Sunday mass overwhelms me, just like hearing them all talk at the same time. Loud music

constant argument about simple things, but then as you wish to keep you together, and so you re still together. Then why are you complaining? Your wishes are being granted. I could almost hear her Angels pleading her to rephrase her words, instead of asking for a fight, ask for a Light. Mathew 7:7 says ask and it shall be given, Seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you . You see how complicated we make our lives here on this plane, and yet we tend to blame someone or our environment and worst God/Universe. Seldom have we made an effort to question ourselves whenever we reach the sinking point. Is it them or me? The answers to all these hints and questions would only be answered by communicating deeply with your heart, listening to the voice of true knowledge coming from God, not from our own Ego or from people who claim that the knowledge was given to them alone by God and with most of us not aware, they tend to replace or give another meaning so they can be in control and only gives us lies that continuously veiling us from the truth, our own personal truth.

doesn t match the life we want to live. This is true to majority of Religions teaching every member that God has plans for us, that we have to entrust God our life and give all our troubles to him because He knows best it s true that God has plans for us, not individual, but Universal. To entrust ourselves fully to God means revoking or giving back the gifts that He gave us, I ask for guidance and enlightenment instead, so I can live a balance life. Then here comes the best part, I often hear this words to most people who truly, undoubtedly, and faithfully believes in God whatever trials God gives me, I will accept (not realizing that the said trials are not from God, but from the way they think about life and material possessions with the way they live it and then complaints about it). Another amusing everyday prayer I heard was with someone having trouble understanding her husband Dear God, please help us whenever we fight, guide our relationship, keep us together . Again with a smile, I ask her that s your everyday prayer? and she said yes , and then I ask again are you sure? she nodded. Then I recited her prayer back to her and ask her why do you always ask for a fight? You see every day you and your husband are in

makes me dizzy and uncomfortable. The sudden change of weather makes me sick. Whispers I hear in my ears that could wake me up in the middle of the night that often scares me. I continued to find out more about God all the way to college. I met Buddha in my first year, I was astonished by the story of his life, came from a rich family. A different story from Christ came from a poor family. Buddha s life style veiled him from the truth , but causes him to look deeper and further about the meaning of life when he saw a funeral and a man lying on the street. I thought only poor people is capable of knowing God, of course that s how I understood the way my birth religion as well as the Christian sects (no offense please) I came to meet explained how God loves the poor people more that the rich ones. It s like being rich is something evil. Then I will hear a story in a different way. Of course Buddha gave up his worldly treasures to be able to concentrate, listen and understand life in connection with our Creator and the Universe without interference, not because God will be angry or sad or jealous. You must be wondering why I have to tell the tale of my story from the moment I came into awareness. You may even think I m some kind of a nutcase or weirdo. To tell you the truth, the Me also denies what Myself is trying to inform me for the longest time, so that I would be able to do what has to be done for the greater good. Thus, all of us are in constant battle between the Me,

Myself and I. In school, we always have a History subject. I often ask what it s got to do with our lives. Why do we bother to know the past? The questions in my mind were answered by my teacher in history while she was talking; she said to be able to change the future, we must know our past . As I was growing up and discovering more, I came across the said to be the last Prophet Nostradamus, I watched the movie about his prophesies. It was so scary because everything I saw was some things that I have already read in the bible, Revelation. Before the end of the story after the scary description of the end of times , Nostradamus stated Man can always change history . So I got into thinking that there is hope for humankind, for the Earth. I came into generalization that God must have had very important reasons why WE are here in the first place, why we are given freedom to choose. Why He sent Enlightened Masters and Light workers since the time when the first man on earth were out casted from the Garden of Eden. It was the commission of Sin by eating the forbidden fruit that veiled us into knowing the Truth . All of these things I came across helped me understand the importance of Individual history, from the ancestors down to the family. Our connecting or should I say starting point would always starts from Me, Myself and I. Individual history would help us solve our own problems. It will help us understand why and would lead us into acceptance so healing can start working. Often times I meet people either having the same situation as I do or sounds familiar scenarios.

She looked at me with hesitation before she replied, then she said I only ask God to give me a simple life and to be able to help my parents and care for them especially when they get sick because now, they are getting older and weaker and I want them to stay with me even when I get married . I smiled at her and then laughed, and she asked me why I m laughing (she s a very close friend that s why I can laugh;-0). She laughed at herself too when I recited back her own prayers and then I asked her how much money will she spends on buying medicine when her parents get sick and how much money will cost her for food and when she gets pregnant have a baby how much does she need? Then I asked her to define simple life. All she can give me was a very sweet smile and a very loud laugh realizing her own ignorance. As I came across all the books I mentioned like I said before I met them, I was already in practice of those things and applying it to my everyday life (and been trying to keep it up). I adjusted the way I pray and make wishes; I make sure that what I m asking for is not in contradiction to what I want with my life. Most of us fail because of how we are programmed to believe and we hold on to that belief even though we feel that it

why I ask myself, what am I missing? Power of Positive thinking by Norman Vincent Peale made me see the Light within me, To stir a Magic Cauldron by Silver Raven Wolf, and Exploring the Powers of your Inner Mind by Jaime Licauco informed me of the Powers I have are true and authentic, the Secret by Rhonda Byrne, and Re-define your Reality 7 days eCourse by Shafin de Zane enlightened me more about my rights, privileges and benefits as a piece of God and How to use it step by step with patience and kindness, Seat of the Soul by Garry Zukav taught me how to understand life in any way possible and Notes from the Universe by Mike Dooley gave me assurance that I m not a lunatic building castles in the wind. Then it finally came to me that what I am missing is the way I pray and the way I make a wish with the way I want my life to be is in constant battle with each other, thus again contradiction is often present within the Me, Myself and I. When I was helping a friend who always complains about her life all the time, not contented and confused. I started asking her about how she prays and told her, If it won t make you feel uncomfortable, can you tell me the exact words of your everyday prayers or wishes?

These people as much as they believed I was able to help them unlock the doorway of their truth, they helped me more to realize why Am I Here, thru them the Universe was able to channel the answers to my question as a child of why I was born so lacking of Love, poor, angry, fearful and confused. I always tell myself that I am a good person, then why I was given to an angry mother and rebellious father who often comes home from work drunk. Learning and getting the hold of it is not an overnight or a year s task. As time changes and so are our beliefs in life change as well. As I was growing up, I often hear my mother would say do not take a bath on a Tuesday or Friday you ll get sick or don t sweep the floor at night, all the prosperity will be swept away . There are as many beliefs as I could tell you but these two are the most irrelevant and I couldn t find any connection at all except feeling uncomfortable and ashamed, smelling bad and looking dirty. There is a particular belief that I found an explanation, that we are not alone in this world, there are multiple realities or should I say different dimensions in one Earth. In our country especially in provinces, whenever you pass by a certain road or clean a certain place full of trees and plants that has been said to be a dwelling place of elemental beings such as elves or fairies and the like, we would say tabi tabi po nuno which means asking permission or excuse to the divas of the place. You are probably asking again, what does beliefs got to do with solving problem

individually? Well believe it or not as we are so connected to anything and anyone in this world and so as these belief systems and our individual history plays the number one cause of every problem we are facing in the Now as well as holding the key into solving it. If you are familiar with the Law of Cause and Effect (Karma), think about the times were you feel you have done something wrong but didn t act on it immediately or remember about wanting someone or something too much but given a sign that it s not yours to have, or going in a place where you felt you should go and then you didn t. Then try to see and feel what s up with your life lately. Here are some hints or clues that I was able to collect by observing my own life whenever something isn t right: The feeling of going around the circle - you must be smiling (I can see your grin ( ,)) How many times we find ourselves going back to the same place, feelings, and situations etc. again and again. 2. Always at Starting point - this time, I got you into thinking ( I can see your one eyebrow higher than the other) How many times you have decided to drop a course, job or a project whichever it is, because either you were bored, not contented or simply changed your mind, and you felt 1.

wanting something else instead. How often you find yourself doing this? 3. Feeling lost or empty now you re anxious (I can hear your heartbeat ;-) There are many reasons for this, but I would only inform you the most relevant. Again check your self, where you are in the Now? How many times do you feel sad? Lonely? Something is missing? Confused? Stuck? How happy are you in your work? How happy are you with your life? Why is it you feel not contented even though you know how truly blessed your life is compared to others? What keeps you from moving forward? 4. Your prayers and your wishes - this time, you re wondering (I can see your eyebrows collide causing a wrinkle on your forehead ;) what about it? I have had a lot of conversations with different kinds of people following different kinds of beliefs. Before I came across these authors whom I believed are Angels in human form, sent here to assist people like me trap in my own misery, nowhere to go but trying to understand life, knew something that I m unaware of made me realize that I m already practicing some of it; in fact I am using those information to help friends in need of emotional lift. That s