A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom". * * * My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "I have feelings for you, shall we have sex" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you've won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car. * * * All time Jandhyala thitlu. 1. Nalla Cooling glass vesukoni Nalla addamlo choosukuntoo maadipoyina masala dosanu amavaasya roju current poyina timelo tine pinjari edava. 2. Africa korivi deyyaniki America bhoothaniki akramasanthanamga puttina mohamu nuvvu. 3. Plane lo kerchief esi seat book chesukotaaniki parachute esukelle picchi edava 4. Computer lo "File not found" ani error vosthey ekkada undha ani paina kinda vethukkune verri naayala. 5. Bandaru laddu kosam kothulani (Bandar) ni vetaade panikimaalina moham nuvvu!! 6. Sunday Night Pub ki velli VEDIGAA UPMA UNDAA ani adigedi ebraasi. 7. Summer lo sweaterlu ammukune yerri nayala 8. amudam tho omlate veskune.aragundu vedava. 9. Airport lo handkerchiefs ammukuntu thirigeee endipoyina noothilo baavuru kappa facuuu 10. endakalam lo raggu kappukuni vedi coffee thaage pinjaari moham nuvvunu 11. nee hobbies entante chettha kuppalo plastic kaagithalerukovadam ani cheppe kampu facuu nuvvu. 12. Java prog lo class declare cheyamante 5th class ani raase picchi nayala. 13. MNC interview lo HR round ki lungi toh poye moham. 14. Software Requirement phase lo kirana list raase muganasthapu mohamoda 15. Client to conference ki puli veshamlo velle budabukkaloda 16. Pencil adigina pillatho pellainda ani pichapicha prasnalu yese paaapii 17. Balayya cinemaki Black tickets kone face 18. pagilina window glass toh spectacles cheyyinchukune khanjoos gaa 19. Bombay cinema choodataniki bombai poye moham * * * This guy dies with an erection. It was too big for the martician to put in a coffin. so the wife told the marritician to cut it off and shovre it up his ass.

The next day at the funeral the wife saw a tear in her dead husband's eye, She bent over and said "I told you it hurts, you fucking bastard'' * * * Four castaways, three guys and a woman ended up on an island somewhere in the sea. Prospects of being saved weren't very good so the men told the woman they needed to deal with their 'urges' They agreed to let one man have her on Monday, One on Tuesday and one on Wednesday and the rest of the week she would be 'off duty'' That went really great for a couple of years, until the woman died one day. Now the men were having a kind of problem. The first week they managed, the second week it got very hard and the third week they finally decided to bury her. * * * Guys, please clutch your dicks while reading this ... this might hurt you! A woman gets incredibly horny and wants sex. Problem is, there's not one guy for miles. So she gets this bright idea to stick a carrot into one of those holes you find in wooden houses. She works with the carrot many times during the day. One day, a fine handsome, black tourist gut comes by and sees this incredibly beautiful lady masturbating against a carrot! Feeling a bit horny himself, he secretly takes away the carrot and whips his dick in, instead of it. The girl, getting winded up for another round, comes back and sees the black guy's dick hanging from the hole. Her reaction, "Guess the carrot is getting old again'' and she cuts it up with a pair of scissors. * * * A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?" "Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?" "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?" "And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?" "Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" "Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?" * * * One afternoon a man says to his wife, you, me and the dogs are going pig shooting. They pack the truck and head off. They get there late at night and the man says, we will head off at sunrise. The wife is tired and replies, I don't want to go in the morning. The husband is furious and replies, I will give you 3 options, you, me and the dog shoot, or you give me a blow job or we have anal sex. The wife isn't to pleased but realizes it's one or the other. They rise early in the morning and the husband says well, what's it to be. She isn't pleased but decides to give him a blow job. As soon as he starts she stops and says, your dick tastes like shit. He replies: "Yeh, the dog didn't want to go either." * * * A guy walks into a bar with his horse and offers $100 to anybody who can make the horse laugh. Only one guy says he can do it, and he whispers something in the horse's ear. Sure enough, the horse laughs his head off.

So the following week, the guy is back in the bar with his horse again, but his time he offers $200 to anyone who can make the horse cry. The same guy comes up to him, then whispers to the horse and they go off to the bathroom. Amazingly, when they come back, the horse is sobbing. The horse's owner goes over to the other guy, and says: "Hey, I just gotta know - how did you do that?" "Simple," he replies, "last week I told him I had a bigger cock than him. This week I showed him...." * * * The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning. During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up. "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. * * * An Italian, a Frenchman and an Indian were drinking at a bar, discussing what they had done the previous evening. The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream nonstop for five minutes." The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Indian says: "That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with Amul butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!" What did you do to make her scream for two hours?? Indian: I wiped my hands on the curtains. * * * Why do we sometimes write 'etc' at the end in the exam? bcoz it means... E-End of T-thinking C-capacity. * * * How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u? Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying.. "I Luv u too" * * * "Why is Facebook such a hit? It works on the principle that'People are more interested in others life than their own-!

* * * A Ques Asked In A Talent Test: If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How wud You Recognize Your WIFE? The Best Answer - Why d Hell Should I recognise? * * * V Pronounce 22 as TwentyTwo, 33 as Thirty Three, 44 as FortyFour, 55 as FiftyFive, Why not 11 as OnetyOne? Doubt By last bench association * * * What is the diff.between"GHAZAL" &"LECTURE"? Every word spoken by the girlfriend is "GHAZAL"and Every word spoken by wife is "LECTURE" * * * Why does d bride & groom xchange garlands at d time of wedding..... B'coz they say each affectionately that : "DARLING NOW U R DEAD"........... * * * What is the height of confusion? Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles. * * * Wat is d Biggest Benefit of having a crush in d same college where u study ? 100% Attendence... :-P * * * Teacher: What Is The Difference HIMAMI & SUNAMI ? Tintu: HIMAMI is Face Wash, SUNAMI is Total Wash.! * * * Difference between Friend & Wife U can Tell ur Friend U r my Best Friend But Do u have courage to tell ur Wife U r my Best Wife? Sardar : My mobile bill how much? Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT BILL MY MOBILE BILL. * * * After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said: "Torch is okay" * * * A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,

AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, Youre not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you you have no legs! The old man smiled, Therefore I cannot run around on you! She snorted. You dont have any hands either! Again the old man smiled, Nor can I beat you! She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. Are you still good in bed? With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, I rang the doorbell, didnt I? *** A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma." The next day the grandmother died. Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbour James dropped dead on our Porch." * * * A Tamilian call up sardar and asks "Tamil therima??" Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy. Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case. Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!.... ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective. Interviewer : who killed Gandhi? Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ...... ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----Sardar at bar in New York . Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"

Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single" Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO... ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father in the essay and it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE.. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner. Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine". Sardar thinks "how poetic" Sardar says, "pass the custard you b@$!@7)". ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows? Sardar : liquid state..... Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS..... .. -------- -------- ----------- ---------- ------------ ------------ -------- ------------ ---------- -------Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but?? how much is DRIVING salary...? --------- ------------ ------------- ---------------- -------------- -------------- -----------Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!! ------------ ------------ ------------- -------------- ------------- ------------- --------------Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ' u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office.... ***

Polish Divorce A Polish man moved to CANADA and married a CANADIAN girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: L: Have you any grounds? P: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home. L: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? P: It made of concrete. L: I don't think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge? P: No, we have carport, and not need one. L: I mean. What are your relations like?

P: All my relations still in Poland ... L: Is there any infidelity in your marriage? P: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. L: Does your wife beat you up? P: No, I always up before her. L: Is your wife a nagger? P: No, she white. L: Why do you want this divorce? P: She going to kill me. L: What makes you think that? P: I got proof. L: What kind of proof? P: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover' *** A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!". "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."........................... *** Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. Hetraveled up to Alaska , spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank. Although he survived, it took two months for Frank to get fully recovered. Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you dont come here for the hunting, do you?" ***** Boy: You want to see magic? Girl: yeah! Boy: then remove your clothes & bend....... Do u feel a finger in your ass? Girl: Oh Yeah! Boy: See.... both my hands are in front of you..!!! Girl: Hey woooooowwww...... Super magic.....!!! ***** While ****ing girl started shouting PEPSI PEPSI. Boy asked wats PEPSI? She replied "P" - Please "E" - Enter your "P" - Penis "S" - Slowly "I" - Inside "Hey dil mangey more......" Aaaaaaahnh aaaaaahnhh....... **** Husband comes home, finds his wife having sex with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend death. Wife said "If you behave like this, you will lose all your friends one day...!!!" ***** While a boy kissess a girl in lips.... They will said England girl: Wow...... So sexy and sweet.... French girl: Hmmmm... Nice nasty kisss..... American girl: You are so hot...... Indian girl: Hey please da... Dont tell to anyone..... **** A couple doing sex.......

Girl: Hey..... Take your finger from my pussy. Your ring troubles me a lot.... Boy: Hey...... It is not a ring its my watch..... **** Girl:Orey.. Nenu Cheppu teesanante ne champa Vasipoddi...... Boy: Osey.. Nenu"ZIPPU" teesanante ne kadupu vasipoddi...... **** What is the different between a Lollipop and Penis? Simple.... The Lollipop gets smaller with each lick and Penis gets bigger with each lick....!!! **** After Tollywood T20match. jr.Ntr: Enduku babai umpire ni kottavu...? Balaya: Nenu bowling chestunnapudu vadu nannu "OVER AINDI" ani Thittadura anduke kottanu ra .....! jr.Ntr: Babai Naku recharge chepinchu naa mobile lo Balance ledu. Balayya: Enduku ra na dantlo full Balance undi nee Bluetooth on chesuko nenu Pampisthanu.. jr.Ntr:Babai eddo kotha college kaduthunavanta...? College name enti Babay..? Bal Krishna: " BALAYYA MEDICAL COLLEGE OF ENGIEERING" jr.Ntr: Enti babay chair kothaga undi eppdu konnavu...? Balaya: Ninna Audio function ki vellmu " TAKE YOUR SEAT" annaru ra... Nurse: Congrats sir me intlo mahalakshmilanti kuthuru putindi ... Balaya: Are yem technology, wife hospital lo unite Kuthuru intlo ela putindi..........???? jr.Ntr: IIT ki Opposite word enti babay...? Balaya:U U coffee ra....... jr Ntr: Babai nuvu evari kanna i Love you ani cheppava...? Balaya: cheppanu Kani i 2 love you antundi ra aa rendo vadevado ardham kavatam ledu... jr Ntr: Babai water nundi current enduku teetharu...? Balaya: Aala tiyakapothe manamu snanam chesetapudu shock kodatadi kadara... Balaya: Arey nee mobile lo time 11pm ani pettuko ra.. Ntr: Enduku Babai...? Balaya: Naku night balance undi ra phone chestanu.. Balaya & Ntr walking on d road.They saw 1000rs note on d road. Ntr: babay manam fifty fifty teesukundam..? Balaya: mari migilina 900 em cheddam ra.. *** The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.. A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. 'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie. And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twentythird child?' Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!' *** Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same." *** Three guys were friends right from their childhood. Due to their jobs they got separated for almost 10 years and happen to meet at a car showroom one day. Now they are married and having a son each. 1st frnd: arey maa abbayiki cars ante chaala istam ra anduke car kondam ani vacha....... 2nd frnd: arrry maa vadiki same ra cars ante chaala istam ra.....nenu kondam ane vacha.... 3rd frnd: maa vaadu same ra nenu car kondam ane vacha..... the three frnds share their life experiences and keep on talking. suddenly......they ask each other that how did they come to know that their sons were interested in cars...... 1st frnd: arey oka roju nenu ratri intiki velle sariki maa vaadu maa aavida meeda kurchoni pom-pom pom-pom ani maa aavidavi pisukutunnadu ra......naku ala telisindi. 2nd frnd: nadi koncham ghoram ra....ma vaadu ardha ratri poota lechi na sulli pattukuni.......daddy..... gear veyyi daddy annadu ra........ 3rd frnd: naaku ela chepalo teliyatledu ra........ma vaadu naa sulli teeskelli na pellam pooku lo petti.......daddy petrol poyyi annadu be............ ***

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill." *** Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way 'Take a clean dish." *** Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing he said was, "Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said. "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we have forbidden fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, way!" "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why he stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw his children having an apple break and he was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God, as our first parent, asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" said the Father. "I don't know," said Eve. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "Did too!" "DID NOT!" Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed! But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what made you think it would be a piece of cake for you? *** A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before? ***