Of Mothers, Daughters and the Wounds That Shape Us

Posted by Anjuelle Floyd | Filed under Articles and Essays, Relationships

Abandoned, a photo by tobibritsch on Flickr.

Injury to the mother-daughter relationship rents a profound wound, and gives rise to serious strain between both daughters and mothers. Does my mother love me? Why does my daughter hate me so much? Why doesnt she love me? A question often asked by both daughter and mother. And for the daughter, If mama doesnt love me, when who will? Or who can? These questions and more along with the associated feelings of worthlessness, anger and ultimate hurt, usually possess an ancestral quality. The emotional trauma that both mother and daughter experience and inflict each upon the other stands rooted in a history of tense relations between the mothers and daughters from generations past in the family. Bringing awareness to the fact they live embroiled in a larger we of interactions that cam before them offers the first part of healing. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Psalm 51:5 The iniquity in to which all women and men are born contains the hurt and pains of past generations, words wrongly spoken, acts committed without concern of affect, hatred born and nurture out of a love, we hold for those with whom we sleep, live and eat, and that is greater than that which we hold for God and ourselves. Sin lies in our refusal to acknowledge how much we hurt.

One can argue whether we as humans are correct or wrong in living and loving as we do, or whether the adoration we hold for those who hurt us so deeply, even approaches actual love. One truth remains. We hurt terribly and it pains us immensely when those we hold in high esteem, fathers, mother, husbands, wives, brother, sisters, etc. do not accept us as we are, shaped and molded by the aches and emotional pains borne by the bodies and souls of those who came before us. No relationship evidences this more than that between mothers and daughters. Without the love, unconditional and forever promised, by the woman whose body and soul portaled our entry into this world, we daughters are condemned to forever walk the earth, our living, thoughts and actions reflective of that of a motherless child. No amount of degrees, financial and/or physical achievements can give what only a mothers kiss and hug accompanied with the words, I love you, my daughter, forever, provide. It is at this point that in saying these words, mother and daughter become mother for the other and daughter of both. And so the healing begins. ________________________________________________________________________ When was the last time you hugged your daughter? When was the last time you told your mother how much she means to you? How often do you stand before a mirror give yourself a pat on the back and smile back?

Tags: acceptance, Anbandoned by tobibritsch, ancestral, committment, daughter, emotional, Flickr, generations, hate, healing, hurt interactions, love, men, mother, pain, relations, sin, sin iniquity, tobibritsch, unconditional, women, wound