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Jokes

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions! The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve. "Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that?" The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Second Blonde: Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said, "I think they could be bird tracks." The second blonde went to look and said, "No, I think these are deer tracks." They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?

Sayings
SPANISH A beber y a tragar, que el mundo se va a acabar. A buen(a) hambre, no hay mal pan / pan duro, (ni falta salsa a ninguno) /no hace falta condimento. A mucha hambre, no hay pan duro. Al hambre de siete dias, no hay pan duro. A cada puerco le llega su sabado / San Martin. El que no mira, no suspira. Everyone gets his comeuppance in the end / just deserts sooner or later. Long absent, soon forgotten. No bees, no honey; no work, no money. No mill, no meal. If you go away, you can't expect people to keep your place for you. If you leave your place, you lose it. Sometimes the remedy is worse than the disease. One can never know too much. We are all equal in the eyes of the Lord. ENGLISH Eat, drink and be merry (for tomorrow we die). Beggars can't be choosers. For a good appetite there is no hard bread.

El que no trabaje, que no coma.

El que se fue a / para la villa perdio su silla y el que se fue a Torreon su sillon. El que se fue a Sevilla, perdio su silla / para Quito perdio su banquito. El remedio puede ser peor que la enfermedad. El saber no ocupa lugar. El sol brilla para todos.

El tiempo lo cura todo. El tiempo pasa inexorablemente. El tiempo restaura las heridas. El trabajo compartido es mas llevadero. No hay peor cuna que la de la misma madera / del mismo palo. No hay tempestad que mucho dure. No se hizo la miel para la boca del asno. No se oia ni (el vuelo de) una mosca. No se puede servir a dos senores. No se puede tener todo.

Time heals all wounds. Time is a great healer. Time and tide wait for no man. Time heals all wounds. Time is a great healer. Many hands make light work. Servants make the worst masters. Lightning never strikes twice in the same place. You're casting pearls before swine. There wasn't a sound to be heard. You could have heard a pin drop. You can't serve God and Mammon. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't make bricks without straw. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Man cannot live by bread alone. Home is where he hangs his hat. Once a thief, always / ever a thief. Cowards die many times.

No se puede trabajar sin materia prima. No se sabe si algo es bueno hasta que se lo pone a prueba. No solo de pan vive el hombre. No tiene raices en ningun sitio. Quien roba una vez roba diez. Quien teme la muerte no goza la vida.

Rinen a menudo los amantes, por el gusto de hacer las paces. Santa Rita, Santa Rita, lo que se da ya no se quita. Se pilla al mentiroso antes que al cojo. Si con desear bastara ... Si te he visto / vi / vide, (ya) no me acuerdo. Si vale la pena hacerlo, vale la pena hacerlo bien. Si, quitate de en medio. Siempre llueve sobre mojado.

Lovers quarrels are soon mended. Give a thing and take a thing, to wear the devil's gold ring. (The) Truth will out. If wishes were horses (, then beggars would ride). Long absent, soon forgotten. If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing well. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. When it rains, it pours.

Rcipes
Taqueria Style Tacos - Carne Asada
Ingredients

3 pounds flank steak 1/3 cup white vinegar 1/2 cup soy sauce 4 cloves garlic, minced 2 limes, juiced 1/2 cup olive oil 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon ground black pepper 1 teaspoon ground white pepper 1 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon chili powder 1 teaspoon dried oregano 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 teaspoon paprika 1 white onion, chopped 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro 1 lime, juiced 2 2 1 4 4 1 large tomatoes, chopped jalapeno peppers, chopped white onion, quartered cloves garlic, peeled dried New Mexico chile pods pinch salt and pepper to taste

1 (32 ounce) package corn tortillas 2 cups grated cotija cheese (optional) 2 limes, cut into wedges

Directions 1. Lay the flank steak in a large glass baking dish. In a medium bowl, whisk together the vinegar, soy sauce, 4 cloves of garlic, juice of two limes, and olive oil. Season with salt, black pepper, white pepper, garlic powder, chili powder, oregano, cumin and paprika. Whisk until well blended, then pour over the steak in the dish. Turn over once to coat both sides. Cover with plastic wrap, and marinate for 1 to 8 hours. 2. In a small bowl, stir together 1 chopped white onion, cilantro, and the juice of 1 lime. Set aside to use as a relish for the tacos. 3. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat. Toast chile pods in the skillet for a few minutes, then remove to a bowl of water to soak for about 30 minutes. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C). 4. Place the tomatoes, 1 onion, jalapenos, and 4 cloves of garlic onto a baking sheet. Roast in the oven for about 20 minutes, until toasted but not burnt. Place the roasted vegetables, and soaked chile pods into a blender or food processor, along with salt and pepper. Puree until smooth. 5. Heat vegetable oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Cut the marinated flank steak into cubes or strips. Cook, stirring constantly, until the meat is cooked through and most of the liquid has evaporated. 6. Warm the tortillas in a skillet for about a minute on each side to make them pliable. Tortillas may also be warmed in a microwave oven. Arrange two or three tortillas on a plate, and lay a generous amount of beef over them. Top with a sprinkle of the onion relish and a large spoonful of the pureed salsa. Add as much cheese as you like. Garnish with lime wedges, and serve.

Mexican Rice III


Ingredients

1 cup long grain white rice 1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 1/2 cups chicken broth 1/2 onion, finely chopped 1/2 green bell pepper, finely chopped 1 fresh jalapeno pepper, chopped 1 tomato, seeded and chopped 1 cube chicken bouillon salt and pepper to taste 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro 1 clove garlic, halved

Directions 1. In a medium sauce pan, cook rice in oil over medium heat for about 3 minutes. Pour in chicken broth, and bring to a boil. Stir in onion, green pepper, jalapeno, and diced tomato. Season with bouillon cube, salt and pepper, cumin, cilantro, and garlic. Bring to a boil, cover, and reduce heat to low. Cook for 20 minutes

Directions
How to play marbles
One of the oldest games in the marbles. There are different ways to play with them. Here we will mention some of them with their respective rules and how to win. Since the goal of the game never changes, no matter what type of game being played, win the marbles of opposites. In this game of marbles you can play two or more jugadores.Se preferred that the pitch is of tierra.Lo first thing to do is a "wa" or hole. A "wa" is a hole in the ground about 10 cm in diameter and about 5 cm profundidad.Despus draw a line about 5 meters from the "wa." Since that line is used to determine the order in which players will jugar.Desde the "gua" balls are thrown into the line, and the proximity of these to the line marking the order of play. In some versions of the game, where if the ball passed the line, pulling the player in last position as penalidad.Las marbles can be earned in two ways: The main and most used is by 5 shares with the marble of the opposite. It is important to remember the name of the shares, and holding in mind what action you are performing with each player. The first action is called "first" and is once the ball hit the opponent. This action allows you to continue shooting. The second activity is called "second" and is again hitting the ball the opposite. This action allows you to follow tirando.La third activity called "Lohay" and is contrary to hit the ball so that the remaining space between them is bigger than your foot.

This action allows you to continue shooting. The fourth action is called "tute" and is to hit the ball contrario.Est action allows you to continue shooting. The fifth action is called "wa," and is "straining" or put your marble on the "gua". If you fail in any of the passes the next player. Before initiating action against the other players, you must have "passed" or put your marble on the "wa." Hence the importance of who initiates the juego.La second way to win the marbles is hitting the opponent's marble so that it enters into the "wa."

Configure your Telcel


text message ! Just send a text message and go! If you want to receive ALL the settings for your Telcel - Send a text message with the word ALL the number 500 ---------- ------------------------------------- > If you want to get your settings for WAP (GPRS, HSCSD, CSD) - Send a text message with the word WAP the number 500 ---------- ------------------------------------- > If you want to receive your MMS settings - Send a text message with the word MMS the number 500 ---------- ------------------------------------- > If you activate your navigation terminal via GPRS. - Send a text message with the word HIGH the number 789 ---------- ---------------------

Obligations
Getting your child or ward attend public or private schools, for primary and secondary education, and receive the military, under the terms established by law; Enlist and serve in the National Guard, under the pertinent organic law, to secure and defend the independence, land, honor, rights and interests of the nation and the peace and internal order

Instructions
Instructions to play football fast
Within the four elements of soccer: technical, physical, Psychological and tactics, the tactic is the part where the coach can use to give their "stamp" in your computer. It is very common that many coaches and are known more for their tactical discipline teams for their achievements in the fields. Tactics refers to "decisions made by the player during an encounter" and often confuse this term and define only "tactic" and a "strategy" or "game plan" collective. The player will always have to make decisions which include one, two, three or more players depending on the situation and this will make the operation of equipment to take the course "tactical." These decisions by players in different situations must be accompanied by instructions from the coach. I would note that a very important aspect is the alignment and the formation of the team. 2-2-1 Formation A formation is only as the team ends up in a court. Within the fast professional football, the most popular training is 2-2-1 (two guards, two middle and one striker). Each player has a change, or another player in which change directly with your partner during the match and share a position. Within this training every player has a role. There is an attack-defense skills, and a purely defensive qualities, as with the media, one with defensive qualities and other offensive front

and center. It is always important to have balance in your lineup and not have just a trend. For example: Having two defenses that are never added to the attack. This can put your team at a disadvantage offensive, because in this football is always necessary to incorporate the attack defenses. I would add that we also have to consider that when we form the lineup, always try to exploit the qualities of the players the most by placing them in the position in which these qualities can be exploited in the best way. You have to listen to the player or know him well enough to decide the ideal position of a player. As coaches we can not "infatuated" to put players where we want and not where the player can perform better for the team. Tactic. Tactics is an element of football in which they can reflect the desired behavior by the coach. It is an opportunity for coaches to use their knowledge, creativity, experience and viewing the operation of your computer. Highly competitive players make their own decisions "tactics" in the field. The more experience a player has, the better decisions in the field of play will take. The coach should inform and make sure your players understand their instructions and their functions within the field of play at least be clear in your mind. Players make a team fit in with the same tactical education, according to the qualities of the players and the coach's instructions, always make a difficult team to beat. Continued ...

Basketball instruction
The object is to pass the ball through the hoop, more often than the other team. Taking into account the value of each release: 1 point (free kick), 2 points (normal shot) or 3 points (triple) 2 You can not run the ball and throw it as much s you can take two steps, except when you get the ball to another player of the team can take a single step (or steps whistle you out) If you finish running and you stop throwing the ball, you can not begin to run again without passing the ball to someone else or shoot hoops. 4 If the ball goes out of bounds, the opposing team has the turn and a player passes the ball from the spot where the ball went to another player from his own team. 5 If a team scores, he receives two points (or three if you pull up behind the triple line) and the other team takes the ball from the baseline of his field, and only in this case, the player can move freely remove by line, but if it takes more than 5 seconds to take possession lost If a player touches his hand to another while holding the ball or do something like giving a push is a foul if the player with the ball is pulling two things can happen: o The player who has been missing is failed, then this player will shoot two free throws in a row, the first without the possibility of catching the ball and the second without the shooter can catch the ball until someone touches it. o The player who made the lack of hits, then throw a free throw with the possibility of catching the ball but the shooter can not catch the ball until someone touches it. 7 If the fault is very serious no matter if you are shooting or not and it will beep unsportsmanlike foul, which are shot two free throws with no rebound and the team that made the lack out as if gone out from the center of field. 8

If a player scores behind the triple line will have three points, the most used shot with his right foot slightly adeantado, arms making a T with your fingers you use to pull arm 90 degrees and pull pumped 9 Once you pass your field can not go back to your field or pass to someone who is in the back field or will be 10 If a coach or bench players complain much the referee can whistle technical foul is unsportsmanlike Like If you shoot a free throw you can not jump or step on the line before the throw or jump shot is not worth stepping off if you fall in line, or would be as if you had failed.