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directory and the
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‘Yes We Cans’
Page 14
FREE October 2008
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armadillos!
Meddling Page 17
with history...
‘Nazi’ INDUCTION
Degrading sports society initiation rituals exposed as bizarre plastic bag procession video comes to light
probe
Liberally speaking - Nick Clegg - page 11 Initiations at your uni? - Have your say: news@thenationalstudent.co.uk
The National Student, October 2008
2 UK NEWS
The National Student Web textbook site launches
welcomes all contributions.
Contact us at:
The National Student
58 High Street
Lincoln
LN5 8AH
A Coventry student is access to the internet, this
or email launching an innovative coupled with the increasing
editor@thenationalstudent.co.uk online text-book service next technology minded youth of
month. today, outlines the need for
Second-year business the publishing industry to
or phone student Oliver Parnell is take into account the changing
0845 46 300 46 opening the virtual doors perceptions of its key market,
on Techbook, which is and to facilitate in the offering
The National Student is
the independent, monthy
newspaper for higher
offering students the chance
to download their course
textbooks straight off the
internet, direct to their
of new services, much like the
one offered by TechBook.
The company is currently
working to secure contracts
WHAT ABOUT MONEY?
Whether you’re a fresher or in your
education students in computers. with major publishing final year, now is a good time to take
the UK. Techbook offers 24-hour companies and aims to add
control of your money, but sometimes
access to textbooks from new titles to their catalogue
some of the biggest names on a regular basis. it’s difficult to know where to start.
Published by
in academic publishing and Parnell added, “We want The Financial Services Authority
Defender Newspapers,
saves customers money on to design a service where (FSA) have launched a new impartial
58 High Street shipping costs. minimal effort is needed financial information website telling
Lincoln LN5 8AH. Parnell believes the site by the user, where their
offers many advantages, needs and requirements are you all you need to know to help you
“Not only will students have instantly recognised and with your money.
© 2008
greater accessibility, but they fulfilled, we want to establish The FSA say that the new site,
All content is the copyright
will also be saving money a loyal customer base which whataboutmoney.info cuts through all
of Defender Newspapers and having greater search will hopefully feel comfortable
unless otherwise stated the jargon and pulls together all the
facilities on textbooks.” to use the service throughout
A survey carried out in their educational careers.” information you need in one place, so it
thenationalstudent.co.uk march 2008 shows that 88% really could be worth a visit.
of students surveyed own Visit the site at whataboutmoney.info
a laptop and have regular techbooks4students.co.uk
The National Student, October 2008
UK NEWS 3
Halifax found that him pending the outcome on and it wasn’t obvious that it issue of funding to protect
parents are helping 53% internal investigation. caused offence. those people who wanted to
of students at university “On the basis of the “In no way did he say study, from those carrying
with the cost of fees,
accommodation and living information provided the black people. At the time guns and knives, at any
costs. Grandparents are Trustees have decided to no officer seemed to react university in the country.”
helping 5% of students suspend Chris Mullan on into another allegedly said: “At an NUS training to it other than ‘Oh, it’s just “This was a discussion
out with their costs. full pay under KCLSU’s racist incident involving event, Chris Mullan, Chris being Chris.’ I just only about security on any
On asking 60,000 employment procedures Craig Cox, Education President of Kings College didn’t think twice about it, campus, anywhere. The
students Halifax found
that the largest proportion pending a full inquiry,” said Officer of the University of London Students Union to be honest. We were all so only people I referred to as
of student funding came the board. Nottingham is ongoing. It questioned encouraging into the role play.” undesirable on a campus
from their families. Asked why an is said that Cox held up a more students from the “Later there were people were any persons who
Students in their third investigation was necessary poster saying ‘Bring Back local Black community to walking around upset, but carried a gun or a knife.”
year of study were more
after the NUS cleared Slavery’ in order to ‘wind attend a university, as he there was a lot of confusion. “I firmly believe I have a
likely to receive funding
from their parents, with Mullan, KCLSU said: “The up’ participants. thought the presence of such It was very unclear even duty to do the best for all
just over three-fifths statement released by the Regarding the allegations students would increase at the time what had students, and that means
(61%) of them receiving NUS implies that there is against Mullan, NUS Black gun and knife crime and so happened,” he added. asking questions relating
help compared with only Students Officer Bellavia require more security. He
an appeals process which Since the original to their safety, which is in
half (50%) in the first
year. we cannot prejudice.” Ribeiro-Addy, in an email then went on to say that allegations were made truth all that I have done,”
The NUS investigation sent around student unions there should be thought Ribeiro-Addy has been he added.
The National Student, October 2008
4 UK NEWS
Initiations: Alcohol,
Advertorial
Continued from front page NUS has called for a total ban on
He added: “We had to put matches initiation ceremonies.
in private, inappropriate areas and set NUS President Wes Streeting told The
them on fire whilst drinking more beer. National Student: “We are totally opposed
I did it to be accepted by the older guys to student initiations.”
at the time.” “They put students at serious risk and
“It was a bit tormenting, but if you exclude students who don’t want to take
didn’t do it you would get called a wuss,” part in that binge-drinking culture,” he
he said. added.
Students said that the possibility of Welfare charity YouthNet warned that
being subjected to such rituals is putting many students often feel pressurised
some off joining sports clubs. by their peers when first starting
Initiation ceremonies have resulted university.
in the death of at least three British Chief executive Fiona Dawe said,
students. “It’s essential that young people feel
In November 2006, first-year Exeter able to speak out if they feel pressure to
student Gavin Britton died from alcohol participate in or be party to inappropriate
poisoning after drinking four vodkas, or bullying activity during Fresher’s week.
three pints of cider, a glass of wine and “Starting university can be a stressful as
numerous Sambucas before downing a well as an exciting time for young people -
pint of spirits as part of an initiation to and our latest research proves that many
join Exeter University’s Golf Club. feel more pressure than ever.”
This death saw many institutions “In fact fear of not being good enough
placing a formal ban on initiations. and not making friends were cited as
Another student, 18-year-old Alex major concerns by young people, so it’s
Doji, died in an initiation ceremony at essential that they know where they can
Staffordshire University after choking on turn to for help, advice and support,” she
his own vomit in 2003. added.
The National Student, October 2008
UK NEWS 5
1993 2008
Where the sign on the door of student community.”
the Gents would traditionally read Reactions to the signs have
‘Gents’ a replacement temporary highlighted confusion in some
sign now says ‘toilets with urinals’. people’s grasp of the issue; with
The necessarium next door no a number of students mistakenly
1
longer carries its restrictive referring to the news in terms of
‘Ladies’ label and instead simply sexuality.
declares ‘toilets’. The Students’ Jennie Killip clarified the
Union claim the move will make matter for the BBC: “If you were
the lavatories more inclusive for born female, still present quite
transgender students and help feminine, but define as a man you
to tackle transphobia. should be able to go into the men’s
The toilets are outside a club toilets - if that’s how you define.
in the basement of the Steve You don’t necessarily have had to
3
transgender students. She said: scorn. The University of Manchester’s
“The idea is that transgender people Manchester paper Student Direct population exceeds 35,000 students;
feel more comfortable using their drew criticism after publishing no figures on the number of
student union. Transgender people an editorial questioning the toilet transgender students enrolled
can face violence and abuse when terminology, prompting Ms Killip at the university are available.
they go into toilets and we wanted to and 60 other signatories to pen a The students’ union welfare office
provide a place where they can feel letter of complaint to the paper declined to reveal the number of
comfortable. I have had complaints calling their comments offensive and complaints received, but said it was
from people who said we didn’t derogatory. an important issue.
4
Sexist tabloids [top] shelved
Students in Manchester
wanting to read their favourite
red-top tabloids will now have to
reach for the top shelf in their union
5
shop.
Following a decision by the
University of Manchester Students’
Union executive tabloid readers
will also be confronted with a sign
stating, “These publications are on
the top shelf because of their sexist
6 UK NEWS
UK NEWS 7
Living Costs
We’re all well aware of continues to be among the shocker! Among other things,
the fact that our choice of most expensive, with a higher the basket included King Size
university can affect the index than many London Rizla, condoms, baked beans,
value of our degree, but it institutions, and Wales was a Pot Noodle, cigarettes,
can also massively affect the easily the cheapest region beer, ProPlus, HobNobs and
cost. with costs running at more cheese.
Push, an independent than 15% below average. There is a strong link
website for university Meanwhile, outside London, between high living costs
applicants has published the South East was not and ‘posh’ universities:
results of a study that significantly more expensive those that have a greater
reveals a huge difference than other places. than average proportion of
in the living costs of To gather the data on privately educated students.
undergraduates. Using three groceries, Push worked For instance, the Royal
indicators – student housing, with Costcutter to develop Academy of Music, the
groceries and drinks – the a student ‘basket of goods’, Royal Agricultural College,
study measures how each representing some of the best- Imperial, Oxford, UCL, St
university’s living costs selling items in branches local Andrew’s, Durham and
compare to the national to universities. Here comes a Cambridge were all among
average. those that were significantly
The range varied from the more expensive than others
University of Teesside, where in their region. This gives
life works out at 72% of the cause for concern that
national average, to a number even if poorer students
of London institutions where are not being dissuaded
students need over a third from higher education as a
more money than most. whole, certain institutions
Oxford University may become
economically
elitist.
8 UK NEWS
Class
S
of 2008 o you came to university to
get that all important degree.
You’ve spent thousands of
souls, charitable persons, scientific
leaders and respectable members
of commerce and industry have
LJM this year).
These awards benefit us too,
they help raise the profile of our
pounds that you don’t have, built up long been recipients of these faux universities and of higher education
oodles of debt and a hefty overdraft, qualifications. Nowadays their ranks itself – so don’t be too quick to scoff.
worked determinedly into the small are swelled by footballers, chat-show They are also meant to inspire us
hours to get all that coursework hosts and fashion designers, but toward achievement, so it is quite
finished and the revision done… Then why? right that such inspiration should
you finally reach your graduation Well why not! These people are come from many different career
day only to find that some bloke off achievers in their own right. Steven paths.
the telly has been given a doctorate Gerrard has already been awarded an As ever, this year’s crop of
for free! MBE by the Queen, so why shouldn’t honorary degree recipients brings
Honorary degrees are dished he get an honorary fellowship from a full and varied selection of people
out annually by our esteemed Liverpool John Moores? Surely it’s under UK academia’s wing. It’s a
institutions but they get a bit of a just snobbery to suggest that being broad selection of well known figures
rough ride. Muttered about by debt- a inspirational mid-fielder who reflective of the colourful tapestry of
Sir David Attenborough Giggsy got one from Salford and over
in Ireland, Trinity College Dublin
gave one to the Sundance Kid.
Doctor of Science Let’s celebrate
University of Exeter the Class of
2008!!
Doctor of Science
University of Aberdeen
Bill Bryson
Doctor of Letters
University of Leicester
Hugh Dennis
Honorary Fellowship
University of Leicester
University of Northampton
“The ceremony was fine, I had to “This is a huge and great honour for me and
Robert Redford wear a very silly hat and a gown
but it all went very smoothly.”
made all the more gratifying by knowing that I
had to do nothing at all to get it whereas David, Sir Ian Botham
Doctor of Letters my son, has just worked very hard for five long Doctor of Laws
Trinity College Dublin years in order to earn his degree today.” University of Bath
The National Student, October 2008
UK NEWS 9
Elvis Costello
Doctor of Music
Sir Ben Kingsley University of Liverpool
Doctor of Letters
University of Hull
Kirsty Young
“Thank you for your embrace. Doctor of Letters
I embrace you.”
University of Stirling
Q &A
FEATURE 11
12 FEATURE
Comment: The system needs to change to focus
on teaching not statistics and lecturers need to
be able to teach with no pressure other than
doing the job properly by Mina Singh
S
o you think that
gaining your degree
will change your life,
and give you that leg up
to your dream-career and
rocket you into the highest
of wage-brackets? Under
the current HE system your
degree might be worth less
than you think.
The worth of degrees
is being questioned by
students, academics and
employers as allegations of
increased grades, leniency
on cheating and attempts
to rig survey results in
order to increase league
table standings has led
to scepticism of whether
degree grades match a
graduate’s skills.
In a system where
universities and academics
are held accountable by
results and measured
by league tables, higher
education has become more
about creating the correct
statistics than teaching
students to the highest
level.
This climate is leaving
both students and
academics short-changed
by a government-created
statistical stranglehold –
Labour has created a system
that has both created and
perpetuates this problem.
Of course universities
and lecturers should be desire to increase the should step in and impose a universities has more than think their degree was should be available at uni.
held accountable for the proportion of such awards.” much more rigorous regime doubled and last year 61% of ‘shit’ if the students did not These so-called ‘Mickey
courses they provide but “Please bear this in mind of assessment.” university leavers achieved comply. Mouse degrees’ have in
while the focus remains on when setting your second On the same site ‘A a first class or upper second The opinions prospective many quarters further
ranking everything, and and final year assessments, Professor’ claimed, “I am a class degree. employers hold of the soiled the reputation of the
everyone, by statistical especially the latter.” professor at a well-known Also, now in its eighth quality of degrees is vastly HE system, with a view that
means the main concern of “We have never received strong UK university (the year the National Student important. Impressing ‘anybody can get a degree
any institution is rising in any external examiner kind of place where you Survey, collects data people like this is exactly these days’. The annoying
the tables and not its level criticism that our need at least three A’s to get on student satisfaction why these league tables thing is that this conclusion
of teaching. ‘standards’ are too low so in). Our department is being offering a percentage mark exist in the first place, may be right.
It is unavoidable that there should be quite a lot pressurised from above to on courses for all to see. but in the long-run they Most annoyingly this
universities will do all of leeway available to us all award more 1st and upper This survey, supported are making degrees less problem has not been
they can to secure higher when assessments are set,” 2nd class degrees - we were wholeheartedly by NUS, important to employers. created by the universities
rankings and a better it added. told in no uncertain terms has become an intrinsic As universities focus on or students. The blame lies
reputation in trying to This supports the concerns that if we were supposed to part of how people perceive getting higher rankings solely with the Government
attract higher student of many academics that be a world-class university universities. and giving out higher who have created this
numbers and funding. they are under pressure to full of world-class lecturers In theory this is a grades employers are less target-led educational-
Cases that have come to manipulate degree grades to then how come only great idea, offering inclined to pay attention quagmire.
light over the summer show make their university more (whatever it is) percent undergraduates the chance to the degree grade you’ve But it is students who
that the actions of uni staff attractive to applicants. are being awarded “good” to have their voices heard but achieved. If everyone’s suffer the most. It is
aren’t always above board. Commenting on the degrees - we were told that in practice it is adding yet getting a First how does students who are paying
A leaked email from BBC website Peter from our funding risked being cut more fuel to the statistical that make your achievement for their education, leaving
Manchester Metropolitan London said, “All HE and if we did not start giving out fire. As with anything else, special? The answer is it university in debt with
University suggested FE institutions in the UK (what they wanted) percent with so much riding on the doesn’t, as employers get degrees that are not always
that academics should are under pressure to bend of first and upper seconds! results, universities are not the impression that getting going to give them the
increase the level of some the rules on assessment I remember the stunned always willing to leave the high-grades is getting easier advantages they deserve.
top degrees to match those because they lose money silence when our head of survey findings to chance. it starts to mean very little. The system needs to
at competing universities. if a student fails. This department reported this Last month The National This is further change to focus on teaching
Sent to computing and situation has been going development to us in a Student reported on how perpetuated by universities’ not statistics, degree grades
mathematics staff by that on for a long time and is staff meeting. Management the Psychology department need to attract as many need to be awarded on
department’s academic seriously undermining the are basically saying to us at Kingston University students (or money, merit and not on how it will
standards manager, the credibility of qualifications “inflate your grades by any has been banned from the depending on which way affect league standings and
note called for an increase in the UK and damaging means necessary or you can survey after they attempted you look at it) as possible. lecturers need to be able
in the number of first class our reputation abroad. forget about hiring any new to rig the results. These days there are many to teach with no pressures
and upper second degrees What is urgently needed staff.” A secretly-made recording courses that you don’t need other than doing the job
stating, “As a university is a simple reform: that The numbers seem to featured a department a university education to do properly.
we do not award as many no institution should support this idea, since member encouraging – it can’t be argued that the I say let the teachers
Firsts and 2.1s as other be responsible for the the mid-1990s the amount students to lie and to likes ‘Surf Studies’, ‘Golf teach and restore faith in
comparable institutions so assessment of its own of students achieving a give higher rankings. She Course Management’ and our highly damaged HE
there is an understandable students. Government first class degree at UK claimed employers would ‘David Beckham Studies’ system.
The National Student, October 2008
FEATURE 13
We like to provide a bit of advice for life here at The National Student, but we fully appreciate that from time to
time advice can feel a tad patronising. So as we launch a new irregular feature on food safety and hygiene, we
Bite Me !
thought, if we’re gonna be slightly patronising anyway, why not liven things up and be a bit rude too…!
14 FEATURE
T
he national into the heart of any member the Republican convention, of almost-overbearing
conventions only of Congress wanting to or pulling an even shorter excitement more pronounced
happen every four propose a piece of legislation straw and having to stay than at Invesco Field, the
years, and you quickly to which a single opponent behind to deal with the 75,000-seater stadium at
get the impression that happens to object – and now inevitable technical mess which Obama would accept
the organisers yearn to the process of nominating that arises when half a his party’s nomination. With
compensate for their lack of your candidate for the news organisation relocates the Coloradan sun beating
annual party hobnobbing by highest office in the land has itself for two weeks. For down on unprotected
making as big a splash as become something akin to some, having to go to the heads (given Republican
possible. just cheering really loudly. Republican convention at preconceptions of the
Forgetting, of course, that There’s an odd disconnect all was worst, it’s true – ‘liberal’ East Coast media,
even the most uninformed between the formalised (and but then that was before it would have been unwise
American knows by pre- yes, tedious) roll call vote, Sarah Palin, John McCain’s to don the only choice of
election summer that there and the point at which it running mate, rose over headgear available – Obama
descends into simply passing the edge of the political caps), the arena’s hallways
are two major political
the motion ‘by acclamation’. landscape in her Ski-doo. and entrances were clogged
parties and each is fielding
Should yours be a dissenting If you value your sleep, with 15,000 credentialed
a candidate for President, voice, your objection will go an American political party journalists, Obama
each side tries its best unheard. convention is not the place campaign volunteers,
to get one over the other Yet it’s impossible to argue to find yourself, especially Democratic National
and remind voters of their that the whole thing isn’t ahead of what is the most Committee volunteers,
relevance by putting on the hugely compelling; an event anticipated Presidential volunteers particular to
most dazzling spectacle. which inspires millions election within memory; this gargantuan event,
This year the Democrats to watch it at home with and if you value your sanity, and, finally, the ordinary
may have triumphed in as much passion as those doing the whole two-week members of the public
terms of the sheer number party elders who attend, haul is not wise. This is to whom the Democratic
despite being a completely
and resplendence of their
un-newsworthy event. That
bells and whistles, but the Barack Obama
much is true – nothing
Republicans’ grandiose unforeseen ever actually
displays of patriotism were
no less glaring.
happens at these things Rudy Giuliani supplied they’re more restrained in the ubiquity of the country
anymore, and yet members their adulation. After all, singers and retreating to
Coming from the UK,
with our membership-based,
of the media are clamouring
to attend (a description
the Republicans with the Republican demographic the back of our skybox in
doesn’t exactly cater to apprehension as Sarah
button-down, meagerly-
funded (relatively, at least)
which could rarely be applied
to British party conferences,
‘drill, baby, drill’; Mexican waves.
convention in Minneapolis-
Their Palin effectively whipped
the crowds up into an anti-
political parties, one can’t
help but observe that, once
for example).
Throughout the summer
a battle cry which St. Paul was intended to
counteract what they saw as
media chant.
The Democrats may have
again, the Americans like to
take a good idea and then
months, across the media
centres of the United States perfectly illustrated that the Democrats’ unnecessary
(and un-American?)
had their ‘Yes We Can’,
but Rudy Giuliani supplied
take it one step further – (and probably the world),
often to the point where were hundreds of echoes of Barack Obama does ostentation with an intense
patriotism designating
the Republicans with ‘drill,
baby, drill’; a battle cry
its sheer scale then serves a conversation I heard in an themselves the party of which perfectly illustrated
almost no purpose.
Parliamentary rules and
elevator in Washington, DC not have a monopoly ordinary Americans, rather that Barack Obama does
between two NBC members than Obama’s personality not have a monopoly on
whips have become the
pervasive threat of
of staff discussing their
misfortune in either pulling
on audacity cult.
The theme: ‘Country
audacity. The
ardour for an offshore
sudden
filibuster paralysis, the short straw and only First’. In fact, ‘Republican’ drilling project all experts
w h i c h getting to go to was nowhere to be seen; no- have panned as completely
strikes Minneapolis- one mentioned it and the ineffective was only matched
terror St. Paul for especially true if you work for convention was meant to whole of the Xcel Center was by the enthusiasm directed
a British news organisation ‘belong’; those lucky enough bedecked in tasteful red, at Sarah Palin, previously
and have an audience to secure tickets queueing white and blue rather than little-known, but abruptly
hungry for anything and outside hours before the the traditional Republican hailed as the saviour of the
everything to do with the security lockdown at roughly elephant. If it weren’t for the Republican party.
American election, but a six PM. large contingents of Texans ‘Only in America’ is often
time difference of up to Obama himself would in cowboy hats and throngs sighed in resignation at
seven hours to negotiate – not take to the stage until of women in plastic Fox some particularly moronic
and guests whose treatment half-past seven, delivering a News boaters, you could be American action, but here it
of the two-week stint as speech that contained more forgiven for being confused. has to be used in amazement
a chance to climb up the than enough substance to Indeed, for the first couple at the sheer magnitude of
political spin pecking-order silence those who criticise of days the convention went the convention displays.
means that they are likely him of being shallow. through a bit of an identity Whether they indicate
to forget your audience are Although, to be honest, he crisis; with Hurricane a healthy democracy is
already picking up their could have read a telephone Gustav looming, putting one thing, but there is
children from school and directory and the stadium country first would obviously no doubting the fervour
blithely cancel on you at nine would still have swelled up remove any reason for with which Americans (or
AM when an opportunity in a frenzy of sign-waving having a convention at all. those engaged in politics,
to appear on one of the big and ‘Yes We Cans’. Those of us left behind while at least) approach their
networks presents itself. There was crying, singing, our colleagues went off to general elections. Now all
But if you have a zeal for and, yes, dancing in the cover what was assumed that remains to be seen is
American politics and a aisles. It would have been to be the next Katrina how that enthusiasm will
desire to witness history enough to make the British wandered the near-deserted manifest itself on November
in the making (as neither media feel exceedingly hallways in astonishment 4th.
convention failed to remind uncomfortable – except at the suddenness of the
you was at stake in this it was impossible to stop emptiness. After Invesco, it Elizabeth Davies interned
election), then there is no yourself being blown away. was like having a rug pulled at Channel 4 News’
better place in the world to To say that Republicans from under your feet. Washington, DC bureau
be. displayed less enthusiasm And yet two days later this summer.
Sarah Palin Nowhere was the about their candidate would we were back in the swing
Democrats’ atmosphere be unfair; it’s simply that of things, marvelling at
The National Student, October 2008
FEATURE 15
A Traveller’s Tale
We left Nathan Millward after a disastrous
day of medical testing in Melbourne. It ended
with a proposal from the girlfriend he calls…
the Wrecking Ball.
F
or those who’ve never England without her. didn’t happen by accident
been, the mechanics That I then landed a job on a ferry boat. And then
of speed-dating as a motoring journalist finally, as a footnote, I could
are simple. You sit with in London might entertain confirm that two months
a stranger and in three the boys for a minute, into my Australian return,
minutes hope to impress while female hearts may we’re back as a couple and
them to the point at which be softened by news that going better than ever.
they put a tick in your box. I secretly I was missing the And so you see, with
didn’t think that was going Wrecking Ball like crazy. I’d all that’s happened this
to happen with the Wrecking made the wrong decision, past year, the marriage
Ball; a 26 year-old English and that I didn’t have the bombshell at the end
teacher with tousled blonde bottle to do anything about of a disastrous day in
locks and a past history as it would lead neatly on to Melbourne isn’t as daft as it
a pit-lane model. With my the stupid excuses I came first sounds. I came all this
tatty Converse trainers and up with for returning to way, she’s taken me back,
hot dog diet contrasting Australia without it obvious it’s going well, so why not?
awkwardly with her salad I was doing it just for her. And let’s face it. At some
of bohemian glamour, she Like how I planned to ride point in our lives we’ve all
didn’t look my type, and I across the world on a moped got to surrender our student with the first two, maybe while I clear dirty ashtrays Ollie from Lincoln and an
certainly didn’t look hers. and finish on her Australian overdrafts and take on the Wrecking Ball is on to from the tables outside. I Essex girl nicknamed Pube
And so I wasted the first doorstep with the alibi that mortgages and mother-in- something with the third. stop and think how that Head for the same obvious
minute buying a drink at the journey was only to laws. It’s what grown ups But whether we do or we used to be me and how reasons that I’m called Big
the bar and the second raise money to help Nana do. Isn’t it? don’t, the truth is I’m flat much I miss it, before Spiros Teeth. We met in a hostel
apologising for not buying buy a new bungalow. And tying the knot would broke. And there’s nothing screams at me to take Table a while back and laughed
her one. The third minute The same Nana who’s certainly make life so much like idiots when we realised
then looked bleak, and yet sofa I would sit and sob simpler. In my haste to we were here for the same
somehow, it all turned out uncontrollably on ’cause I return I could only get a reason. Sadly she’s not been
rather sunny. We got on couldn’t decide what the three month tourist visa, The last time I was here I as fortunate as me, with
well, went for another drink hell it was I should do. and so, as I sit here bashing nothing but unanswered
and within a week started Career or the Wrecking out the latest instalment of whined that it can be a false, phone calls and a cold
dating. There was just one Ball? England or Australia? my Antipodean adventures, shoulder from the ex she’s
problem. In three months To stay or to go? Then living the update is that if I’m
soulless place; full of botoxed flown all this way for. So
my Australian Working with regret and indecision, I going to make all this foreheads and plastic breasts. Pube Head’s sad, as you
Holiday Visa would expire could tell you all about that, stick, I either have to find would be after realising
and I would be forced to before detailing how six a brave company willing But slowly it grows on you, someone you love is actually
make that long flight home, months after abandoning to give me a high paid job a bit of a shit.
to England... the Wrecking Ball in and a two year sponsored
gets under your skin But that’s the thing
A year on and so much Australia, I grew some contract, sign up to one with travelling; you meet
has happened since speed- balls and finally booked of the mightily expensive interesting people with
dating. I could tell you how a flight to go back. For a university courses, or find worse when trying to woo a Four some cutlery and to interesting stories and
I solved that problem by rousing conclusion I could someone with an Australian girl than an empty wallet. stop day-dreaming on the adventures that they‘re still
abandoning the Wrecking then celebrate our romantic passport who will marry me. I can’t afford flowers, or sidewalk. From that high to in the middle of completing.
Ball and going home to reunion and pretend it And as I’m so far struggling lingerie, or even the alcohol this low, it’s one mighty fall, In some ways I wish I was
needed to take advantage but I can’t complain when at home, oblivious to the
of her when she’s drunk. the reason for my return, wider world that‘s out
Heck, I can’t even afford the Wrecking Ball, will be there. Like friends who’ve
to have the tooth repaired waiting for me after work been drinking in the same
that I cracked eating dried with a racquet so she can pub for the past ten years
pasta back in March. And smash me at tennis. and don’t dare go anywhere
so I’ve been a little cheeky And regardless of all this but down the road.
and asked around the local silly drama, I’m starting to What a simple life that
cafes if they can give me genuinely enjoy Sydney. would be; content and happy
some work, cash in hand The last time I was here with your lot, not endlessly
of course. It’s taken some I whined that it can be a trying to better it. Instead,
time, but finally last week false, soulless place; full I’m a long way from home
Spiros the Greek rang to of botox-ed foreheads and and only half succeeding in
say I can make sandwiches plastic breasts. But slowly making things work with a
in his dirty café. It’s nothing it grows on you, gets under girl who lives in Australia,
flash, or even legal, but it’s your skin. The great food but is actually Canadian
money to buy that alcohol and the beautiful women and who never wants to live
and fix that tooth. help, but it’s also the little in England. It’s achingly
If only the cafe were not things, like the small town complicated, but also wildly
on the same street as the feel you get in the suburbs exciting, and that’s what
car magazine I worked for and the simple happiness travelling guarantees all
when I was here in Sydney the locals take from getting of us when we embark on
last year. It means that their surfboards wet on the stupid adventures that
each day I get to watch weekend. any of us can so easily find
my replacement zoom past And I’ve got good friends ourselves on. But marriage?
in some Lotus or Aston or here too. Some from the last Even I’m not that stupid.
whatever else it may be time, but also new ones, like
The National Student, October 2008
FEATURE 17
T
his year’s awards co-author of the British
ceremony held at Medical Journal study
Harvard University’s “Sword-swallowing and Its
Sanders Theatre on Side Effects” which was
October 2 was an event honoured last year).
like no other, with the Other attendees
winners being handed their included Don Featherstone
prize by genuine Nobel (creator of the plastic pink
Laureate William Lipscomb flamingo); Kees Moeliker
(Chemistry 1976). Frank (who reported the first
Wilczek (Physics 2004) was scientifically recorded case
represented on stage in the of homosexual necrophilia
form a dummy; Wilczek’s in the mallard duck); and
daughter Mira assisted the Francis Fesmire (the first
dummy in congratulating doctor to cure intractable The Laureates endanger their sperm... or do they?
the successful scientists. hiccups by applying digital
Professor Lipscomb, 89- rectal massage).
years-young, was also the the essential research by make the person chewing year were at odds over their Medicine
prize in the Win-a-Date- So let’s take a look at Astolfo G. Mello Araujo the chip believe it is crisper scientific findings. The Ig
With-a-Nobel-Laureate the pieces of improbable and José Carlos Marcelino and fresher than it really Nobel’s awarded Sharee A. Obviously placebo
Contest. research given the thumbs- it may in actual fact have is. Umpierre of the University medicines have no physical
Lipscomb was not the up this year….. much to do with a small Their paper “The Role of Puerto Rico, Joseph A. effect in curing your ills,
night’s only romantic armoured mammal. of Auditory Cues in Hill of The Fertility Centers but the Ig Nobel’s have
interest. Benoit Economics The study “The Role Modulating the Perceived of New England (USA), celebrated work that
Mandelbrot, the 84-year- of Armadillos in the Crispness and Staleness of Deborah J. Anderson of shows some may be more
old mathematician who At a time of unprecedented Movement of Archaeological Potato Chips” outlines their Boston University School beneficial than others.
invented the mathematics- financial doom-and-gloom, Materials: An Experimental endeavour in foody sound- of Medicine and Harvard Dan Ariely of Duke
and-art concept of fractals, trust the Ig Nobel’s to Approach” measured how manipulation. Medical School (USA) for University, USA,
was the prize in a frenzied inject a little humour into the course of history, or discovering that Coca- demonstrated that high-
Win-a-Date-with-Benoit- the field of economics. at least the contents of Cola is an effective priced fake medicine is more
Mandelbrot Contest. The 2008 Ig Nobel went an archaeological dig site, spermicide. effective than low-priced
Under the strict rules of to Geoffrey Miller, Joshua can be scrambled by Chuang-Ye fake medicine, in his study
the ceremony each winner Tybur and Brent Jordan the actions of a live Hong of “Commercial Features of
was granted 60 seconds from the University of armadillo. Taipei Placebo and Therapeutic
to deliver an acceptance New Mexico, USA for their Efficacy.”
speech, and this time-limit invaluable study into the Nutrition
was enforced by a cute-but- tips strippers earn.
implacable eight-year-old Their study “Ovulatory This year’s award
girl. Cycle Effects on Tip in the field of
The night’s entertainment Earnings by Lap Dancers: nutrition won’t
was taken up a notch with Economic Evidence for do anything to An Armadillo
the inclusion of a new mini- Human Estrus?” discovered aid the growth in
opera entitled ‘Redundancy, that an exotic-dancer’s obesity numbers,
Again’ which featured the Ig ovulatory cycle affects her devising an Biology
Nobel Laureates as backing tip earnings. ingenious way Medical
singers. The award was collected to make the University One for the pet-lovers.
Several past winners by Geoffrey Miller and Brent consumption of crisps all (Taiwan), C.C. Shieh, A piece of research that
were in attendance: the Jordan at the ceremony. the more enjoyable. Peace P. Wu, and B.N. Chiang (all shows it’s better to have a
ceremony was opened Massimiliano Zampini of of Taiwan) got the nod for cat with fleas than a dog
with Dr. Thomas Michel, Archaeology the University of Trento, The Swiss, it would seem, discovering that it is not. with fleas – FACT! Marie-
Harvard Medical School’s Italy and Charles Spence have laws to encompass So Coke drinkers need not Christine Cadiergues,
Dean of Education removing It is often said that history of Oxford University, everything, and make sure worry about The Real Thing Christel Joubert and Michel
a sword from the throat of is written by those in electronically modified the everyone is covered under hindering their ability to Franc of Ecole Nationale
Dan Meyer (swashbuckling power, but according to sound of a potato chip to the legal framework... even maintain the human race. Veterinaire de Toulouse,
plants. France for discovering that
The 2008 honour in the Physics the fleas that live on a dog
peace field was awarded to can jump higher than the
the Swiss Federal Ethics Some things are just fleas that live on a cat.
Committee on Non-Human inevitable, we all know
Biotechnology (ECNH) and about those annoying Literature
the citizens of Switzerland little things that just
for adopting the legal happen, so it is nice to Last but certainly not
principle that plants have have them scientifically least, and possessing our
dignity. proven. Dorian favourite title for a study
Raymer of the Ocean is research in the field of
Cognitive Science Observatories Initiative the written-word bearing
at Scripps Institution of the magnificent name
Each year one piece of Oceanography, USA, and “You Bastard: A Narrative
research more than any Douglas Smith of the Exploration of the
other truly deserves the University of California, Experience of Indignation
title of ‘improbable’. This San Diego, USA have within Organizations.”
year that honour goes to added some scientific Lovingly written by David
the research awarded the weight to a universal Sims this is something that
cognitive science award. problem and thus deserve you’ll never see at the real
Jap researchers Toshiyuki this years physics award. Nobel prizes.
Nakagaki and Ryo Their study
Kobayashi were awarded “Spontaneous Knotting
for their work discovering of an Agitated String” So there we have it another
that slime moulds can solve proved mathematically ceremony and another batch
puzzles. that heaps of string or of brilliant, strange and
hair or almost anything mind-expanding research,
Chemistry else will inevitably tangle we wait with baited breath
themselves up in knots. to see what they uncover in
You Bastard: David Sims accepts his award The winners for the award 2009.
in the field of chemistry this
The National Student, October 2008
18 SPORT
Birmingham
L
of the university’s
ooking out over the morning and the last to impressive Astroturf
County Ground, from leave, Langer who also has facilities and support from
the Sir Ian Botham a black belt in Taekwondo, the increasingly popular
stand, in Somerset, I start explains, “The pain of intra-league members
discipline is nothing like which currently includes
to lose count of the number
24 men’s 11 a-side teams,
of times Justin Langer has the pain of disappointment. 105 men’s 6-a-side teams
run around the edge of the I don’t see enough of it and 20 women’s 6-a-side
boundary. really. If you really want teams. This number is sure
The domestic match, to be the best at something to increase after this event
in which he had been you’ve got to be disciplined with many of the students
playing against Lancashire in your choices for what expressing an interest to
finished over an hour ago, you want to achieve.” join or set-up a team.
but instead of packing his He continues, “I’ve Active Lifestyle
always been fascinated by Development Manager of
kit bag and leaving like
University of Birmingham
the rest of the team, the boxers. They train so hard Sport, Rachel Shepherd was
Somerset skipper is out on and get so switched on, the event’s organiser and
the pitch, as he always is you can actually see the she was pleased with the
after a day’s play, circling focus and all the hard work outcome, “the event was a
the playing field in the they’ve put in. I’ve always huge success and enabled
beautiful surroundings of found that interesting us to showcase the range of
Somerset’s idyllic ground, because that’s how you’ve sporting opportunities for
in Taunton. got to be when you walk everyone at the University
out to bat. It’s not rainbows of Birmingham from
“I like to finish a game
participation to performance
with twenty laps” he pants. and butterflies. You’re sport”
“I believe if you have a going out to fight. Unless Zena Wooldridge, Director
healthy body you’ll have a you’re aggressive as an of Sport at the university
healthy mind.” opening batsman you’re added, “This event shows
Adding with some gusto, going to get injured or even how effectively sport brings
“When I finish cricket I’m worse, out.” together young people from
definitely going to run a But walking around cricketing career the my own little world.” When I walk in there different nations, cultures,
marathon.” the edge of the pitch with pocket-sized philosopher Although his wife, Sue, and look up they keep languages and religions
Langer, as he warms down, chats longingly about his was aware he intended me going in the right to have fun and make new
This, perhaps, is one
family, his garden, which to build a place to train, direction. Sometimes I’ll friends. This is the power
of the reasons why the I fail to understand what it of sport, and soccer in
man once called ‘the best is about this gritty player he calls his “sanctuary”, she visualised something read something and think
particular”
batsman in the world’, that has enraged England’s and his love of writing. small. A place that could to myself, ‘I’ve got to have
by Mark Waugh, has cricketers over the years. “In my rose garden”, house a treadmill, a couple that on my wall’.”
frustrated many of those Far from being an he explains. “I’ve got an of weights and perhaps a Although the left-handed City health initiative
on the opposing team. ominous figure, and apple tree, a peach tree, a stretching mat. batsman recognises his
nectarine tree, a big olive He failed to mention the hard work has helped him
launched
His focus, determination, someone Nasser Hussain
passion and desire are openly said he could have tree and my herb garden.” punch bag, the custom- achieve what he set out to As many fresher’s across
paramount, and clear from strangled, the Aussie Offering an unexpected built boxing ring and how accomplish, he also regards the country are settling
the minute you look into legend is rather genteel question, he asks, “Do you a former SAS soldier, his close bond with, fellow into a life of parties, fast
his eyes - this man means and softly spoken. know how good it is to pick covered in tattoos, would opening batsman, Matthew food and drinking copious
your own herbs, from your arrive every morning to Hayden as a key factor amounts of alcohol, one
business. When we’re not
own garden, for your own supervise his work-outs. that helped him turn from university is looking to
First to practice every discussing his illustrious help their students change
cooking?” It is here that he prepared yesteryear’s ugly duckling
and improve their lifestyle.
He continues, “We get so meticulously for the last into a stroke-playing City University London
caught up in the hustle and series in which England swan. are looking to enhance
bustle, and the business were white-washed. The duo who “missed their student experience
and the stress of everyday Langer, who is a huge each other” when they with the launch of a new
life, that we don’t make boxing fan, explains, “The were apart would openly initiative focused on health
time for the things that fight is won before you get exchange bear hugs in the and well-being.
really matter. It’s a cliché, in the ring, so I trained middle, and always gave ‘Well City’ is the
‘wake up and smell the like a heavyweight fighter. the impression of two boys University’s new healthy
campus initiative, designed
roses’, but it’s true”. Losing the Ashes was a living out a dream.
to encourage students to
He assures me, “When big kick up the backside “Matthew Hayden’s ‘take care of their minds
you smell a rose it really and the catalyst behind us my best mate and I think and bodies throughout their
gets you back living in the regaining that little urn. It that’s why we formed such studies’, with events taking
mould.” gave us determination and a successful partnership at place throughout the year
Although Langer is a new lease of life.” the top order for so long. as part of the scheme.
always in his garden, back The gym is a shrine to How many people can say These will include health
home in Perth, he assures his all-time sporting hero, they go to work with their road-shows which will visit
me it isn’t always to inspect Muhammad Ali. best friend? It’s always schools across campus
giving information on
the roses, or pick herbs “I love him”, Langer going to motivate you.”
fitness testing, nutrition
for his tea, at the bottom says with a smile. “He was As we get towards the end and how to access the
of his backyard that he such a brilliant, beautiful of our second lap around campus health and
has his own, custom-built athlete.” the boundary, Justin, ever counselling services.
gymnasium, that he claims With a certain amount of the philosopher, turns The initiative, to be
won back the Ashes. vigour he says, “The walls leaving me with this, launched by World and
“I use it for training”, he are covered in scribbles “Remember James, twenty Paralympic gold medallist
says with a huge smile. from a black felt marker”. years from now you will be Giles Long, starts with Well
“It’s a great place to “I’ve got quotes more disappointed by the City Week on October 6-10
2008 - for more information
meditate and just escape everywhere. Quotes about things you didn’t do than
visit:
from everything. It’s like courage and discipline. by the things you did.” city.ac.uk
The National Student, October 2008
SPORT 19
B
are adopting with a view of Birmingham and are proof of everything and money is
ritish Olympic sport Sydney in 2000, where they the UK’s top athletes. Each to developing the next that investment is essential. seemingly no object. Those
has grown up. Gone achieved a comparatively sport has a Performance generation of Ohorugus and Zena Wooldridge, Director projects alone will cost a cool
are the days of fitting meagre 28 medals. It seems Director who organises world Adlingtons. Thanks to the of Sport at Birmingham, £3 million.
training in after a tiring day inconceivable that, at the class coaching, the best sport National Lottery once again, explained, “Our sports Lest we forget, whilst
at work and gone is the idea games in Atlanta in 1996, science on offer, athlete’s the government has been able scholars are exceptional cash is a factor, no-one
of ‘playing’ a sport. Britain won a mere 15 medals competition schedule and to back the Talented Athlete young people; this next should underestimate
Thanks to a huge injection and only one gold. access to the most suited Sponsorship Scheme, a generation of athletes will the sheer bloody-minded
of money from the lottery, The domination of the facilities, all of which equates unique partnership between be inspired by Team GB’s determination of an athlete
both are relics of Britain’s British athletes is summed to £50,000 worth of assistance. sport and study. fantastic performances who wants to win gold.
amateurish and distant up best by the British Cycling On top of that, the athletes The programme awards in Beijing and will also Funding doesn’t guarantee
sporting past. Since 1994, team. Given £26 million to receive an Athlete Personal scholarships of £3,000 and inspire other young people success but provides a
over £3.5 billion has been prepare for Beijing, they Award which is paid directly bursaries of £1,500 to those to see how sport can change platform from which more
ploughed into British sport. were reportedly asked by a to the athlete themselves and athletes who have achieved people’s lives, and inspire the athletes can deliver. The
Much of it has been spent member of the Dutch team if works to cover living costs national recognition in nation.” tell-tale sign must be the
with the aim of increasing they were going to leave any With this in mind and fact that, knowing how much
participation but a greater medals for anyone else. They the 2012 London Olympics money had been ploughed
proportion than ever before ended up securing seven in sight, Sport England has into the Games, the British
has been given to those at golds from the ten events on No Olympic athlete would announced unprecedented Olympic Association aimed
for an eighth place finish to
the top level, those who have
a chance of being world class.
offer and have since become
the model which every sport
begrudge mentioning new investment for elite
training centres with the justify their expenditure.
Nowadays, Olympic athletes yearns to emulate. Put like how vital the injection intention of building a world
leading community support
Thanks to the unbreakable
iron cast will of the British
live their sport, immersing this, it is almost as if Sport
themselves in a structured England, the distributor of of lottery funding is system in Britain. athletes however, they
program of nutrition and lottery funds to sport, have The National Sports achieved fourth, effectively
study that allows them to taken it upon themselves to Centres, the cornerstone of climbing four places through
compete - and the results are be the Roman Abramovich of and personal sporting costs. their sport at a minimum the success and the training sweat and tears alone, a
startling. the Olympic sporting world, The amount depends on of Under 18 level and who base for 29 of the medal- fitting reward for four years
At the recent Olympics being ruthlessly efficient the level of performance are committed to combining winning athletes from of training running up to
in Beijing, Britain secured in their use of the lottery meaning an Olympic or studies whilst continuing Beijing, are the main target. the world’s greatest sporting
their best medals haul for money on offer and doing all World Championship medal their high level of sporting The strength and event.
a century as they brought they can to attract the best winning athlete could pocket performance. The money conditioning gym at Bisham No Olympic athlete would
home 47 medals, of which 19 coaches and support staff in almost £24,000. enables them to access Abbey will be extended for the begrudge mentioning how
were gold, and secured fourth the world with the sole aim of SportEnglandhavethought specialist sport science and benefit of the rowers, canoeists vital the injection of lottery
in the final medals table. getting gold. of everything and haven’t physiotherapy services whilst and hockey players whilst funding is.
A reported £235 million The key to the success left any aspect untouched. It also covering insurance, a new archery range with But no amount of money
was spent preparing the is UK Sport’s World Class is this unbeatable package transport, accommodation at video analysis capabilities can buy you spirit and,
athletes for the Games, a Performance Programme, of funding that Chris Hoy competitions and mentoring. and fixed speed cameras will based on those two weeks in
vast increase, thanks to a UK sport initiative which referred to after winning his It has been shown to work be installed at Lilleshall. Beijing, it seems the athletes
lottery money, on the £59 funds the national governing third gold medal in the track too. Paul Manning, a member Jennie Price, Sport England have plenty of that and
million pounds spent on bodies of sports to provide a cycling, citing ‘preparation of the British Cycling team Chief Executive said, “As we subsequently, plenty of gold
the run up to the Games in range of support services for and planning’ as the reason that smashed the world unearth and nurture more medals too.
SPORT
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