The following was written by Jake Mercer between 9:36 pm January 13, 2009, and 3:30 am January 14,

2009. It was sent via 74 text messages and picture messages, the equivalent of 104 text messages because of the longer length of picture messages. The lines highlighted in yellow are unimportant to the content but are included for word count and length purposes. It is 2,216 words in length and contains 10,781 characters

Would it be totally gay to write in and maintain a journal? Ive thought of them as pompous like the only reason anyone would write one is to hope that someone finds it when they die and they see how deep and emotional or whatever the really were. But dont most people not let anyone read it? Whats the point in expressing yourself to yourself? Alright this has always irked me so Im going to rant a little bit here. Let me know if it doesnt make sense. Me personally, I dont think letting feelings out solves anything. Telling someone your feelings simply results in one more person judging you, as far as Im concerned. Id much rather do something about it myself then just tell someone about it, because as bad as it sounds, no one honestly gives a shit about your non-tangible feelings. Oh sure they care about you and your well-being, but the act of telling feelings doesnt stir any effect. They dont care about the specifics of your thoughts. They just look at how it seems to be affecting you and that is the main data they use to come to a conclusion of your mental well-being. Maybe if people would actually pay attention to the content, and not merely the effects, they could come to a physical source and utilize that source to satisfy that persons objective, whatever that may be. Hold on I ran out of room. Ok Im not done yet. Why not cut out the middle man and just simply tell someone Im sad or Im angry or whatever the emotion is (assuming your original motive for sharing feelings is advice or support or something of that matter)? And that brings up another point, have you thought of attention as a motivation? Think about it. A child tells mommy hes sad (or confused, or any other seemingly negative emotion), possibly authentically. If a child does this for attention at such a young age, there is a parenting flaw in there somewhere, or a physiological flaw, or some other flaw (that is for another topic another day). The childs motives could be authentic, and he really could be seeking help from someone he trusts, and the acquired lust for attention may not have developed yet. Oh yes, attention is a developed craving, and is as addictive and possibly dangerous as cigarettes. Ok so back to our sad child, he tells his mother hes sad. She of course is concerned and immediately jumps to the conclusion that he has a condition. Her thought probably come about as follows: why would a boy so young and innocent be so sad? I was never sad when I was a child! There is nothing to be sad about at such an angelic and blossoming age of his! Flaws in this thinking are lack of recognition

of environment and society as ever-changing variables that are extremely individualized and affect every single mind differently. Also, a secret agenda, dare I say, corrupts some parents concerning their childrens direct relation to their parenting. There is no such thing as good parenting and bad parenting beyond the obvious (abuse, abandonment, etc). Children are underestimated. Regardless of how many parenting books youve read and how text book perfect that that book says that your child will turn out, a hands down. No question, guaranteed perfect child is an impossibility in itself. Shit where was I? Oh yeah. Back to our sad child once more. Mother sends him to a doctor for psychological analysis or something of the sort. The typical shit goes down: ink blots, the sofa, how does that make you feel? the whole nine yards. And the child probably gets diagnosed with ADHD (again, another topic for another time). So now the child has these pills that mother says mother will make him ________ (insert opposite of seemingly negative emotion originally stated). The child starts schooling, meets friends. His life is beginning and this is the point where attention would possibly be discovered. Some way or another, his friends discover his therapy sessions and his pills. Maybe I was just a disturbed boy when I was that age, but there has always been this unexplained envy to peers with conditions. Of course I wouldnt be jealous of a Down syndrome victim, that looks horrible. But kid with ADHD or nay other similar condition gets special treatment; he may get excused from class from time to time to speak with a therapist or something like that. But here is the kicker: the child appears healthy and no different than me! From here we switch characters. Our poor sad boy is probably going to eventually burnt out his mis-diagnosed drugs and mother-induced attention addiction. But the schoolmate of Sad Boy is slowly learning the tricks of the trade, if you will. He has silently observed Sad Boy at recess, telling riveting tales (all over-exaggerated or completely untrue, noting unusual for a young student) of how dangerous his condition is, and how treacherous his therapy sessions are, yet he only goes to them because his mother makes him; He isnt afraid of diseases. He watches the looks of awe and misguided admiration of the small crowd surrounding Sad Boy. The crowd could quite possibly even be sitting round him while Sad Boy stands. Sad Boy could even, depending on his current level and ability to utilize his attention addiction, be pacing vibrantly, using hand motions to captivate his audience. Think of it as a juvenile soap box. We will refer to our little observer as Envy Boy. Envy Boy receives better grades than Sad Boy. Envy Boy never gets reprimanded by authority. Envy Boys mother praises him and tells him everyday how wonderful he is. Envy Boy has seen the light and cant turn back. His observations of Sad Boy were something completely unprecedented in his young, impressionable life, and he wanted it. Its hard for Envy Boy to pinpoint exactly what it is that Sad Boy has that is enviable. It is most

likely social interaction and as sense of flattery that has never been experienced outside that of his mothers standard love that Envy Boy doesnt comprehend. Why does his mother flatter him? He hasnt done anything. He hasnt survived a daunting mental illness or endured sadistic torture sessions otherwise known as therapy. Ok, so the silent killer known as attention-craving has spread. Sad Boy has officially passed it on to Envy Boy (unbeknownst to both parties). Now what? As previously stated, Sad Boy will eventually burn out. Envy Boy, however, isnt taking physically detrimental pills and doesnt have a disease. A number of environmental and social ingredients have mixed with the greatest factor of all the mind to create a new disease altogether. A disease whose symptoms will be the cause of many events in his life some a disadvantage some even life changing yet it will never be diagnosed or treated; merely dismissed as one of those kids who just wants attention. What could these events include? Oh it could be virtually anything. Do you dare me to jump off the slide?, You dont think Ill put a tack on the teachers chair? Watch me, You dare me to steal this cookie from the cafeteria?, Im not a pussy, Ill take ten dollars from my moms purse. While these actions will be dismissed by many as harmless trials of any child/ young adult and Im not disagreeing the cause and reasoning behind the actions render it a different type altogether, much more malignant. They grow exponentially and eventually will take a new form: the bully. The bully is not the subject of this here UhEssay?...Rant? Nonsense? Either way, lets not get side tracked. Examples: come on, lets egg this house Just smoke it, pussy come on, we arent going to get caught, just do it lets rob a liquor store. While extreme examples, it is important to not underestimate the addictiveness of this disease. One who has come down to such extremes has obviously been infected for a long time and has mastered the techniques to a point of virtuosity (Envy Boy), able to manipulate others. Those he manipulated arent victims to the same disease. However, their illness is again, for another time and writing. Now that the worst case scenario has played itself out, lets discuss how to prevent the disease from infecting you or your children, or killing it if you or your child has been infected. The impressionable nature of children proves it harder to rid them of infection but easy to prevent. The following messages will be numbered 1a through whichever number/letter combination that is completed before the inevitable, oncoming crash of this chemically enhanced thought process. FOR PARENTS: You are the keystone <whats up> of the ultimate goal of expulsion of this malicious character killer. This statement is vital to a healthy development of your young child: YOUR KID IS NOT A FUCKING COMPUTER. You cant read an instruction manual (parenting book) and simply program desired results into him. Children are complicated and extremely impressionable. This in itself is the culprit of high child-vulnerability. Much like you cannot beat a plant to create a perfect flower, you cannot manipulate a child to end up like you want. A flower needs

minimal maternal assistance, i.e. watering, occasional trimming. The growth will naturally work itself out more often than not on its own after that. A child is raised virtually through the same process. That is, nurture and physically care for the child, avoiding over-exposure. A child needs its space to learn necessary life skills <handlebar>. Unfortunately there exists no mathematical logarithm nor any other equation to calculate specific amounts of nurturing a child needs <contradiction?>. On individuality, you sly dog, you; destroying natures order and simplicity that many try and recreate, ending in tragedy, as this ..UhEssay? Rant? Nonsense?... clearly exemplifies. Get to know your child. Its not that hard to figure out, just accept your child as human and the rest comes natural. I almost forgot, explore the balance of love and reward. This vital component to development and more importantly to mu current UhEssay? Rant? Nonsense? is the leading cause of infection in young children. It is a slippery slope. On one side, we have over abundant flattery. This was Envy Boys killer disadvantage. Extreme flattery confuses the child in the long run by leaving them questioning thing when their parents flattery is not matched by peers in the real world. This may upset them and lead to drastic measures to obtain flattery. On the other side of the slope is neglect which could possibly lead to apathy or even self-hatred. Need I accentuate? FOR TEENS SHOWING SYMPTOMS: Alright you stubborn bastards, its your turn. You didnt think I forgot about you, did you? No, unfortunately for you, you inspired me to write this here Uh Essay? Rant? Nonsense? I see all of you out there attempting to convince yourself that you truthfully enjoy the vomit-inducing sensation of alcohol raping your palate. Some of you might have even gone as far as to admit that its effects are your only goal. Whats that? You say you enjoy waking in a pool of bodily fluids? You say you enjoy the sight of an unknown and unnamed partners clothing scattered about your sleeping space, taunting you to remember the night former? You smoke for the taste, you say? The taste of burning money is delicious, oh I agree. I could kill for trouble breathing right now <mirror>. TO THE HELPLESSLY INFECTED: I pity your existence. Meaning to it escaped with your individuality. They teamed together as do most, but were so bombarded with filth that their pre-destined path of joint ownership of your life was abandoned. Who would accept a custodian with excrement on his own person? If he cant keep himself clean he surely cant be trusted to maintain cleanliness of our establishment! Have you experience with the feeling of inevitable deterioration? Painfully aware that the plateau you currently posts slope are falling down around you? I have. The final rush of reason is near, but it has been revealed to me before its time. No, not by God, mom, but by meaning and individuality (and intelligent chemists). My right foots widest appendage occupies all the remaining space on said plateau. I look around see others like me, but cannot help or even warn them. I see that time and, satisfied, I rest.

Get back in your cell you dog, Ill call for you when youre needed No need to concern yourself over him, his cell is soft or hard. Would you want a soft or hard cell to contain a scoundrel like that, in a dwelling such as this? DISCLAIMER: All information written in this Uh Essay? Rant? Nonsense? Is just opinion, noting more. Any resemblances to actual people or events are purely coincidence. All examples used are extremely generalized based around the authors experiences. He is aware of the probability and most likely certainty of exceptions to his writings. P.S. Fuck all haters. Jesus Christ its done. I read it all the way through twice after completion. Shits weird but makes sense in a creepy way.