Fan-Fiction- New Moon- If Bella hadnt clIff-dived . . .

Stephenie Meyers novels inspired me to read again. I had forgotten how much I loved reading. When I read the second novel in her saga, I always wondered what may have happened if Bella hadnt jumped off the cliff and Alice hadnt come back. Bella wouldnt have raced to Italy because Edward wouldnt have had any reason to go to the Volturi. This is written purely for MYSELF ONLY. Just to test if Im a good writer. If this is something I should pursue.

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1. Heartbroken 2. In love again 3. Uncertainty 4. Decisions 5. Jacob 6. Pain 7. Doubt 8. Friends 9. Turmoil 10. Goodbye? 11. Torn 12. Danger 13. Choice 14. Truth 15. Only You. Always

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1. Heartbroken I knew it wasnt the right thing to do but since Bellad come into my life, right and wrong ceased to mean anything to me. It had been almost two years since Id seen her and it hadnt made my love for her waver in the slightest. She would always be the most important thing to me and I would always love her for the rest of my existence. The pain I suffered over this immensely long period away from her had left me broken and hurting, so much that I couldnt be around anyone. I tried to be around my family but sometimes it would be too much. Alice could see how much pain I was in and many times she tried to talk me into breaking my resolve but I couldnt subject Bella to any more pain from being in close proximity to my world. Bella deserved to be happy and healthy and safe. We had all decided that coming back to Forks now was the best thing, because for one, Bella had probably graduated already and moved away. That thought nearly strangled me. Second of all, we were able to be almost as normal as everyone else here. There was hardly any sun and the others liked it here so much. Carlisle and Esme were reluctant at first, worrying about me but I put on a brave face and assured them that I was okay with the decision. One afternoon as I sat in the meadow, a place I rarely visited now because it resurrected my memories of Bella and the first time I brought her here I began
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thinking of Bella way too much, missing her. I warred with my next thought, to pay her a visit, from afar. I just wanted to see her, to see that she was okay. It wasnt a solid plan. It was flawed because I was being selfish. On the other hand of course, Bella may not even be there because she should have graduated already. I tried hard to convince myself that seeing her would not make things easier but I faltered and ran to Forks. I hid in the trees across from her house, looking around. It was almost six now so her father, local police Chief Charlie Swan, would be returning home soon. Then as I listened to the mundane sounds coming out of the surrounding houses, I heard a familiar rumble of Bellas feeble truck coming around the corner. She was still in Forks. I wasnt as surprised as I thought I would be because I had hoped that she had stayed. My dead heart felt like it would suddenly start beating in my chest. I could hear no thoughts from the truck; of course I knew I wouldnt. Bellas thoughts had always been a mystery for me. After a few long minutes, her truck pulled up against the curb and she stepped out. I wasnt prepared for the onslaught of emotions that coursed through me now. Love. Loss. Pain. Relief. More Pain. Her long mahogany hair fluttered around her pale face as she walked to the front door, huddled tightly in her coat. Her hair was much longer than it had been the last time Id seen her. Her face was still the same pale heart-shaped face that I loved. She looked so beautiful. I didnt think I could love her more than I already had but seeing her now, the love flowed freely inside my body.

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She opened the door, somehow it was already open and I could hear the switching on of a light. I wasnt prepared for what I happened next. Nothing could prepare me for this. Hey. Did I wake you? Im sorry. I heard Bella apologize. I wasnt aware that anyone was in the house. Her fathers cruiser wasnt in its usual place in the driveway so I was bemused as to whom she was speaking to. Its okay Bells. I needed a wake-up call. I heard a husky, deep but still youthful voice respond to her question. My dead heart sunk deep into my chest and I suddenly felt hollow. Who was this person in Bellas house? Had she moved on? It would be foolish of me to think that she would be pining away for me for the rest of her life. So much time had passed . . . she deserved to be happy. But what if I was reading the entire situation inaccurately? I reluctantly moved closer to her house, trying to pinpoint the thoughts. I could see her through his eyes but I couldnt see his face. She was smiling shyly back at him. This could just be friendship. They both sat down on the sofa together and he put his arm around her. Did you get everything you needed? he inquired. Yea . . . Jake did my dad call while I was out? she asked him sounding a bit worried. No . . . why? he responded sounding confused and surprised by her question.

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I dont know. Hes supposed to be home by now. She said, that familiar crease lining her forehead. Anger flared as he took his fingers and smoothed out her forehead. I came closer still, till I could see through the downstairs window. I could see his face clearly now. There was something vaguely familiar about his face. Then I realized that I knew him. Jacob Black, descendant of Ephraim Black of the Quileute tribe in La Push. This was a place I was forbidden to go. Jacob Black. The young boy who had spilled the beans and told Bella what I was. Though I remembered him and the last time I saw him at the prom, I realized that he had changed drastically. He didnt look like the young boy I had met so long ago. He was taller, much taller. His face was harder, the youth not quite there anymore and his physique was admittedly impressive. The bulging muscles were evident under his t-shirt. Sam called though, while you were out. Im going to have to leave in a while. He whispered to her and a trace of pain touched her features. Youll be careful, right? she looked him directly in the eyes. I always am and this is nothing to worry about. Just routine patrol. We havent spotted any vampires since that last time. He reassured her. The boy was hunting vampires? That could only mean one thing . . . werewolf. Bella was spending time with a werewolf now? I should have guessed as much. It was so like Bella to be constantly putting herself in danger. No self-preservation.

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I have to go Bells. Ill see you later. He stood up and so did she. Hurry back. Be careful. She whispered as he took her face between his hands. No! He couldnt. I didnt want to see this. I was wrong to have come here today. I was just ripping myself up further. Still such the masochist. He leaned in slowly and pressed his lips against hers briefly and embraced her. Then he stiffened and drew away. Jake, whats wrong? she asked surprised by the look on his face. He was glaring. Vampire. Theres a vampire close by. He spat through clenched teeth. Bella gasped in horror, What? Who? Jacob released her and headed for the door. Unusually for me, it took me a second to realize that I was the vampire that he smelled. Must have been aftershock of that incredibly heartbreaking image. Jake, be careful. Bella pleaded behind him. Jacob Black came bursting through the front door and in half a second he was around the house having caught my scent. I held my palms up, cautioning him. Wait! You dont want to start a fight! I said palms still up. He still shifted into his wolf form, growling balefully at me. Jacob Black. I havent come back for Bella. Just give me a chance to explain.
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Why should I, parasite? Have you any idea what this will do to her if she sees you? He growled at me through his thoughts. She wont see me. Thats why Ive been hiding in the trees. I just wanted to see that she was okay. You seriously have a lot of nerve showing up here after all this time. Im sorry. I know that my kind and yours are sworn enemies but I dont hate you because from what Ive seen, youve taken care of Bella. I guess Im grateful that she has you. Yes . . . she does have me and she always will. You have no idea what youve done to her. Shes been in pain for too long and I wont allow that to happen again, he threatened. I will go. I have no intention to fight you. You do need to know that I love Bella and I always will. Putting her through this was never for my own selfish reasons. I wanted her to have a happy, safe human life and she couldnt have that with me. I didnt want her to be hurt by being with me. Newsflash bloodsucker. She was hurt my being with you. You have no idea how hard it was for her. Shes finally started healing. Do not come near her! Goodbye, Jacob Black. I whispered and ran back into the trees.

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I ran home to the big white house on the river. Alice was waiting for me on the front porch. I wondered if shed seen all this before it happened. I couldnt deal with any sympathies right now. Edward . . . hey wait! she called as I ducked around the house and headed for the back door. I dont want to talk about it, Alice! I yelled at her when she started following me. I didnt see anything that happened and well I guess from your expression that things didnt go well. she said softly. No, Alice, they didnt. I dont want to talk about it. I mumbled. Please Edward, maybe I can help or maybe just talking to me would help. She touched my shoulder. You know how much I care for Bella, too. Shes moved on Alice. The most shocking thing of all . . . hes a werewolf! I said still incredulous. A werewolf? Alice gasped stunned but then she shrugged. I guess its so Bella. Shes still attracting danger. I couldnt bear it, Alice. Seeing her with someone else . . . the pain was incredibly excruciating.

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Im sorry youre hurting Edward. Its been almost two years. Shes human . . . she would have moved on eventually. Alice said. She was trying to comfort me but it didnt work. Her words just cut me up further. He loves her, Alice. I can tell! I said as composed as I could manage. I saw him kiss her! I cant deal with this Alice. It was wrong for me to have come back. I have to leave. I headed to tell Carlisle. I knew he would understand. A part of me felt a strange sense of dj-vu. When Bella had her first day at Forks High and I had caught the scent of her sweet blood, I had fled Forks like the coward that I was telling Carlisle goodbye and driving his car to the Denali wilderness. I guess thats where I would go again. Are you sure you want to do that? Alice said, stopping me mid-stride. What do you mean, Alice? I wasnt in the mood for this. Maybe you could stay and win her back. This doesnt have to be over. Alice, be reasonable. Didnt you hear me before? Shes moved on. I repeated feeling the words drag through me like a serrated knife, piercing my dead heart in my cold chest, clawing up my throat. I dont deserve her . . . I never have. She deserves so much better than a selfish vampire who left her and broke her heart. Alice shook her head back and forth, Stop berating yourself Edward. Bella is for you. She paused nodding her head with a knowing look, Id wager anything that

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Bella still loves you, Edward. You can be with her again. You could be happy again. She smiled feeling convinced of this. Yes I would be happy. But does it really matter if Im happy? Maybe she has found a place where she is happy now. And it would be very selfish to rob her of this. Wouldnt it? It was killing me to say this but I had to be a realist when the other party of this conversation was being absolutely absurd. Aw, cmon Edward. You know how much Bella loves you. She proved that time and time again. Shes strong. As much as you might resent me for saying this, shes stronger than you. You left. You took the easy way. She was still fighting. Alice had hit her mark. She was right of course. I was a coward. When Jasper attacked Bella, I took the easy way out and left her here not even considering what I was putting her through. I winced as I remembered that day in the forest. Bella wasnt going to let go. She was dismissing Jaspers attempt on her life as if there was nothing appallingly wrong about what he had done. She was strong. Stronger than me. I was weak. Even with all my immortal strength, I was weak. Edward. Go to her. You know thats where you belong. And you know thats where you want to be. Alice was such a smug little vampire. I could feel her radiating with the force of her speech. She knew she got through to me as I saw the future shift in her head.

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I could see the picture that Alices words painted. Bella in my arms again, after so long a separation. Her warm soft lips against my cold, marble lips. Her sweet scent that though it made my mouth water was so much of an attraction to me. I could never harm her, I knew that. What happened for her eighteenth birthday changed my reactions. The kind of pain that I knew it would cause not only her as she screamed in anguish but the pain and suffering I would endure if I took her life, had changed me. I tried to dispel this impossible fantasy though I longed to have Bella with me again. But Alice wasnt right. It was incredibly selfish and greedy of me to want to put Bella back here in the middle of my world which was so perilous to her. I couldnt bear if she was hurt by me again. Alice, youre being ludicrous. I turned away from her again. Am I, Edward? she retorted. You can be with Bella again. But if you ever put her through anything like that again youll have me to answer to brother. She threatened. I held in a chuckle at the threat coming from her lips. But I realized she wasnt joking. Bella was her friend and she meant everything she said. Alice, if by some miracle I could have Bella back, I would never leave her. As I said those words, I knew they were true. I would never leave or hurt her again. Well what are you waiting for Romeo? Go get your girl. Alice tugged on my arm.

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I didnt respond. I just ran through the trees and back to Forks to see the girl I loved. As I ran, I felt the wind on my face the leaves caressing my marble face. I felt such a rush and high. Not only from the run but because I knew I was going to see Bella. Alice was very confident that Bella still loved me but I was still apprehensive. I left her for almost two years. Two years! That was the hardest most trying thing that I ever had to do. Sitting in slums and wasting away in my thoughts. Thoughts of Bella swimming about in my head. Her smile. The warmth on her cheeks as she blushed scarlet. The fierceness in her eyes, the intensity when she was so determined that not a force in the world would stop her. It was slow torture. I couldnt get her out of my head. The first time I took her to the meadow . . . it was the most intense memory I had. She told me what I had so wanted to hear. And then to hear her whisper in her sleep that she loved me. Nothing could encompass those feelings. I reached the house in a matter of minutes. I scaled a thick spruce and listened.

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2. In Love Again When I reached her house, I listened and checked thoroughly to make sure that the werewolf wasnt there. He wasnt. I came closer and heard Bella speaking. Hey Billy, its me. Did Jake make it home yet? she spoke softly into the phone, worry in her tone. She was worried about him. I mean thats natural right? He was hunting vampires so her worry was justified. It didnt have to mean love. Such an idiot! Trying to conciliate myself, giving reassurances. When you hear anything, youll call me right. Thanks Billy. Bye. She trudged wearily up the stairs to her room. I couldnt hear her fathers thoughts anywhere in the house. Where was he? Bella was all alone? She climbed into her bed and with a sigh covered herself with her sheets. Her window was open as usual. I scaled the side of her house and eased through the window. I sat in the rocking chair and as I did this, it felt routine. Easily into pattern, like nothing had changed. As she slept, she started mumbling in her sleep. Jake. She sighed. Jacob . . . I . . . love . . . She mumbled softly, fast asleep.

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She didnt finish her sentence. Was she going to say that she loved him? It very much seemed so. My dead heart plummeted. But wait, what did I expect to happen? She was human and so was he comparatively. Still. . . It hurt with an unbelievable potency. Edward. She sighed. I heard a low sob in her voice. Jacob Black was right. She was still unhappy and it was my fault. Maybe Alice was right. If Bella was still sad, did I have hope that it meant she still cared for me? I squashed back that hope. Hope would just make me miserable if it didnt pan out. Hope could very well break me and everything I had left. I felt the urge to cry. My eyes stabbed in the most peculiar way. Of course I could not cry but the overwhelming sadness I felt was too much to contain. The phone rang downstairs startling me, so unusual, it made me laugh under my breath. I was very slow today; I completely overlooked the fact that the sound would wake Bella. I quickly slid out the window into the nearby trees. I heard the receiver pick up and Bella answer groggily. Hello? she answered slightly annoyed, sleep thick in her voice. Her voice saturated with relief when the person on the other line responded. Jacob! I was so worried.

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No, Charlies working late apparently. Youre coming up? Okay Ill see you then. Bye Are you kidding me? I had barely spent any time alone with her and he was coming to rob me of these precious moments. I couldnt leave her; I would hide as far away so that he wouldnt catch my scent but still close enough that I could eavesdrop on their night. Morally, that would be wrong but I just couldnt go home knowing they were here alone, probably in her room. I wouldnt be able to bear it. It would be agony, like the slow torture of the venom that sealed me in my fate. There was a knock at the door. Coming! she yelled down the stairs. Her footsteps were unbalanced and it sounded like she was stumbling down the stairs. Still tripping over her feet. The thoughts of all those clumsy moments made me quietly laugh to myself. I settled into the thick spruce and listened. She pulled the front door open and I could see her face, her beautiful face that was almost as pale as mine and her entrancing chocolate brown eyes, her long mahogany hair that framed her face exquisitely and that little hint of color on her cheeks after running down the stairs. He was raking in her appearance in his thoughts just as much as I was through his eyes. I didnt like that. Didnt like that he had such

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a strong attraction to my Bella. Ah, she wasnt my Bella was she? Not anymore. And that was of no fault but my own. Hey Jake. Come in. she said smiling. Were you okay this evening without me? he asked hoping she wasnt because shed missed him. I was just fine. I can take care of myself you know. She snapped her lips pushing out into an appealing pout. Oh cmon Bells! I didnt mean it that way.Jacob said chuckling. I know . . . sorry I snapped at you. She apologized taking his hand. He smiled at her and they went to the sofa. She leaned against his shoulder. It was a long afternoon without you. I was worried. She confessed. I knew she missed me. There must be some love there, even if its just a little. I love her so much. His thoughts became a deep yearning. It was now that I thanked the heavens that I didnt have Jaspers ability to feel the emotions of those around me otherwise his yearning would have been extremely painful now. Especially now that I could see her face through his eyes and not my own. That I could see his arms around her and not mine. That I could see her smile at him through his eyes and not be able to see it for myself and feel the warmth that every one of her smiles would stir in me.

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Bella, I know you dont really want to talk about this but its my nature so bear with me kay? Okay. she said in a voice that understood exactly where the conversation was headed. You know how I feel about you right? he asked already knowing her answer. Yes Jake I do. She said ducking her head into his chest to hide her face. When she touches me, my heart! God! I just want to hold her in my arms and never let go. I love you, Bella. I just dont know how to express that to you without hurting myself. Its the bloodsucker and something just tells me it will always be him. Its like I cant compete. I cant tell her that though. I just have to keep hoping that someday shell love me even half as much as I love her. His thoughts cut through me because even without Jaspers abilities I could feel his pain. Its similar to the pain I felt and still feel but nowhere near as potent. My feelings for Bella transcend even that of this werewolfs who was still comparatively human and probably not capable of holding a love so strong. My love for Bella is so glorious and unalterable that I could barely stand one minute without her let alone the year and a half of torment. Time, an entity that use to mean very little to me because I had so much of it, an eternity of it, felt like a never ending sea of gloom and despair every minute I spent away from the fragile human girl that I loved beyond compare.

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He seems to think that she still loves me and that she always will. Could that be true? Jake, you know how much I care about you . . . but I just cant be with you. At least not now because it still hurts. her voice broke and he hugged her tightly. I know . . . but -- she put a hand over his mouth. I know what youre going to say. I let you kiss me today . . . because I wanted to be ready. I wanted to be ready to make you happy. She sighed looking down. I cant be with you but I cant be without you. Youre my best friend, you know that. She held a palm to his cheek and he leaned his face into her hand. She caressed his face once with her palm and moved to place her hand on her lap, I dont ever want to hurt you but Im not ready. I understand Bells and Im not going to push you. I promise. He whispered to her looking at her hand in her lap, wondering why shed moved her hand. Thank you. You know youre very important to me. I dont know what Id do without you. She murmured. Bella loves this werewolf and she doesnt even realize it. Its my fault because she hasnt completely let me go yet. I guess I truly underestimated her love, for her to still care about me after over a year. Jacobs thoughts interrupted my thinking. That filthy bloodsucker! He left so long ago and hes still hurting her! I could rip his miserable head off for causing Bella so much pain. Though, I feel terrible too that

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Im lying to her about his presence in Forks, I cant tell her and open that can of worms again. It would probably kill her this time. All those months of her zombie behavior and Charlie telling Billy about her screaming in her sleep every night. Hes never going to come near her again. She wont hurt like that again! Shes finally acting like Bella again. I would keep Bella safe and I would never hurt her. She can trust that but Sam says that I shouldnt get my hopes up because hed hate to see me hurt. Of course all the guys know how much I love Bella and how much she loves that damned vampire. Its all that I think about when we run patrols. I hate hearing and feeling their sympathy. I Jake? Im tired. Im not sure I can make it up the stairs. she asked wearily. I gotcha. Up you go, Bells. He lifted her into his arms. She was half asleep her hands locked around his neck. She must have fallen asleep while he slowly climbed the stairs, his eyes fixed on her face. I love you. He thought defeated. Why cant I just say it? Ill wait till youre ready. Ill wait as long as you need. He laid her easily onto the bed and pulled the covers over her studying her sleeping form. It reminded me how I used to watch her sleep every night. He brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. Where is Charlie? He should have been home by now.

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Until he thought it, I had forgotten that her father wasnt back yet. He made his way down to the kitchen and dialed. Dad, have you heard anything from Charlie? Hes not back yet and thats unusual for him. Hes at Sues? Then why didnt he call Bella? Shes been worried. He retorted in hushed tones, anger in his voice. You told him I was here? he paused, surprise coloring his tone. Okay, so I guess I could spend the night. I cant leave her alone in the house with Charlie out. I couldnt tell her about the redhead vampire. Shed get scared and weve got it under control. Are you sure that Charlie doesnt mind me staying the night? Okay, well Ill see you tomorrow. Goodnight dad. He went back up the stairs checking on Bella before getting a blanket out of the closet. As he passed her room again, he paused. Bella was talking in her sleep. He stepped in to see what she was saying. Bella, talks in her sleep? Hmm . . . that I never knew. He thought musing in the silence. He adjusted the blanket on her and turned to leave when she started to murmur. Jake . . . she sighed in her sleep. The vision through his eyes became blurry. He was crying.
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Shes dreaming about me, he thought in wonder, brushing his fingers down her cheek. This was turning into a love story. A love story that should be mine. Mine and Bellas. I know Im being selfish because I did leave her but I cant live without her. Tomorrow when the werewolf leaves, Im going to be brave. Im going to reveal my presence to her.

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3. Uncertainty The next morning, Bella made him breakfast before he left. Good morning sleepyhead. She giggled. Mornin. He said yawning hugely. She laughed again. I almost had a heart attack when I saw someone sleeping on the couch this morning. You could have told me you were staying the night, she said disapprovingly. I know Im sorry. He yawned again. She laughed. Lets get you some breakfast. Charlie called this morning. He spent the night with Sue and her kids. I feel so sorry for them . . . how hard it must be since Harry died. She sniffed. Yep, its been real hard but things will get better and your dads been great with Sue. Jacob comforted her. Thanks for breakfast, Bell. I wont be gone long and Charlie should come home before he heads back to the station. he told her trying not to act like something was wrong. But being Bella she picked up on it. Why are you being so overly protective? Is something wrong? she asked suspiciously, a catch in her throat. No Bella. Everythings fine. He lied smoothly. I hate lying to you. But its to keep you safe so its worth you being mad at me. He thought.
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I have to go now. Sam needs me. Ill check on you in a few hours. He looked at her wistfully not wanting to leave. Do you have to go? she whispered not hiding how much shed miss him. I wish I didnt. Ill miss you too, Bells. He said reading her expression. How did you know? she asked, the familiar crease lining her forehead. Again he smoothed it out with his fingers. Who knows you better than I do, Bella? he said brushing his hand on the back of hers. She nodded and smiled. Ill see you. His words lingered. He turned heading for the front door. She trailed behind him, catching his hand. She took his face into her hands and tip-toed and kissed him on the cheek. Be careful and then come back, she murmured into his ear. He lifted her off the floor into a tight embrace. I ran home to collect my thoughts. To see Alice. She may just encourage my callousness again but she was still the most supportive and I valued her opinion. I was wondering when youd come back. She teased. I can see that you havent even spoken to her yet. What are you waiting for? Alice asked sourly because she missed Bella too.

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I'm waiting for her to be alone. The werewolf is always there. I hate seeing him with her, Alice. Hearing the depth of his love through his thoughts. It's so strong. I feel ghastly. This boy is going to be hurt by my selfish actions too. It's not his fault that he fell in love with her. What is there not to love about Bella? I left her. Who am I to steal whatever happiness she'd regain in my absence? Edward, theres only one question you need to ask yourself. Alice said. What is that, Alice? Do you love Bella? she smiled at me. More than anything. She is my life. I answered simply. Then thats your answer. She patted my shoulder. But before you go, Carlisle wants to see you. Thank you, Alice for everything. I said as I made my way to Carlisles study. She just smiled. Ah, Edward, my son . . . Carlisle said as I entered. Are you sure about this? Pursuing Bella after everything that has happened? He thought unsure. I dont really know what the right thing to do is, Carlisle. Esmes been worried.

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Im sorry . . . Im not trying to cause anyone pain but . . . I started but broke off hearing Carlisles mental anguish over my decisions. Are you sure youre able to accept her forgiveness or her rejection? I dont want you to be unhappy, son. Rejection? I picked the word out of the rest. Son, you cant be nave and believe that shell run back to you with open arms. A lot of time has passed and Alice told me about the werewolf. You know we all love Bella and she became a part of this family as soon as we met her but it was your choice to leave her, Edward. I know Carlisle but I love her and I cant stop loving her. Shes everything for me. My head bowed with my pain. Then why did you leave her, son? Carlisle asked. Hed always wondered why I left and he knew that Jaspers accident was merely a flimsy excuse to my greater fears. Hed never really been able to ask me though. Till now. When Jasper lost control like that . . . it made me realize what had always been in front of my eyes. Shes so fragile and breakable. The slightest thing could take her away from me forever. Seeing my own brother try to take her life right before my eyes . . . and then her blood spilling right there . . . the scent ripping my throat into flames and it was then that I realize that shes in danger from so many things but nothing more dangerous than me. . . I looked up at my father and willed him to understand. Im the most dangerous thing . . . the one that can hurt her in the worst
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way because even though I love her more than anything else, I feel for her --- for her blood and it tempts me and what if it had been me you all had to protect Bella from and not just Jasper. I took one jagged breath. I couldnt bear it if I hurt her. I understand son. I respect that and I will support you and any decisions you make. The entire family would. I know you would. Edward? Was I hearing things? Or was that Rosalie calling me? Go on, son. Im very deeply engrossed in my book. He too was surprised to hear Rosalie calling for me in a voice that was not irritated. I reached Rosalie in the garage in the next second. Can you help me with this? she asked sprawled underneath her shiny red convertible. Her long golden hair fanned out above her head. I just need you to lift the car for me so I can reach that knot. Our skin threw sparkles on the lawn and I smiled at her. Rosalie and I really only spent time in each others company when we were tuning the cars. Its the girl, isnt it? She thought seeing my expression falter. She shook her head a tad disgruntled. Go. Youre no fun like this. I nodded. We can do this when I return. She nodded back and raised the car up removing herself.

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Wheres Emmett? I asked noticing I hadnt seen him for a while but of course I wouldnt have seen him because I was not at home all of yesterday anyway. Hes hunting with Jasper. He should be back by twilight. She shook her head annoyed. Hes a bit peeved that you werent here. He wanted you to join them. He misses his little brother. Tell him that Ill make it up to him. I will. I nodded and raced into the trees to the delicate woman that I loved and would love forever --- for eternity. When I reached her house I could hear nothing so that meant she was alone. I scaled the side of the house to her bedroom window trying to be inconspicuous in the daylight. She was in her bed reading a book. I took a deep breath and slid in. Bella. I said softly. She gasped loudly, Edward? Yes Bella, its really me. She started crying. She threw herself at me and her embrace felt like being home. She smelled exactly the same but it was very easy to resist that temptation. Here with her was where I belonged.

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But then she stiffened and drew away from me, her back turned. She didnt look at me and that scared me. I wanted to touch her and make her face me, make her say something. But no. I would wait for her. When shes ready shell say something because she must be in shock. Slowly she turned and looked at me with confusion clear in her eyes. I never expected to see you again. She said softly, composed. I mean I hoped. I hoped for a long time . . . but . . . I she could go on. I hesitated before answering. I never intended to come back. Then what are you doing here? she asked, confused with some hurt in her voice. Im here to gain your forgiveness and to win your love back. I said honestly. Tears flowed down her cheeks silently and I heard her jagged intake of breath. My love? You told me that you didnt want me. You told me that I wasnt good for you. What are you saying now? she choked out. Im saying that Im a horrible person and I know that I dont deserve your forgiveness but I love you, Bella. Just as I always have. I never stopped and I never will. You are the only girl who is in my heart. The only girl that will ever own my heart. Its yours. Edward . . . dont. she begged. Dont say that. You have no idea how long Ive waited for that. The tears flowed down her cheek and over the curve of her full lips.

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I . . . love you. I could never stop but you left me. It was so easy for you to leave me. Bella . . . leaving you . . . was the most horrendous thing I have done in my century of life. It was the hardest thing Ive ever done and Ive regretted it since the moment I said the words. I explained. But why? Why did you leave me? she choked out the tears spilling down her face like wildfire. Because I had to keep you safe if nothing else, I was going to keep you safe. Safe from me. Safe from what I am. I just wanted you to be happy, Bella. Happy? Edward did you even consider the fact that you made me happy? That youre the only one that can keep me safe and make me happy? I loved you so much Edward and I still do but you have no idea how hard this last year and a half has been for me. she seemed like she was building this up for a long time now. Everything has changed so much, Edward. I knew where she was headed. There is someone in my life that I care very much about and hes been there for me. Been a true friend. She looked at me in the face. I . . . hes my best friend. And you love him . . . dont you? I asked already knowing that. It was so transparent. Yes I do. She touched my face. But not the way that I love you. Im not in love with him. I could . . . but you . . . youre still in here. She took my hand and placed

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it over her heart. Still things have changed. She repeated looking down. My hand was till over her heart. I could feel her pulse racing through my palms. I got what I wanted, somewhat. She still loved me but . . . I wont stand in your way if you want to be with him. I know I dont deserve another chance. I said resigned. Edward . . . a love like what I feel for you . . . it never goes away. I couldnt make it go away. I cant stop loving you. I just . . . She caressed my face. It felt like such a great pleasure though it was short-lived. Ill go Bella. I dont want to stand in the way of your happiness. I turned to leave and she grabbed my hand. The warmth of her skin on mine did strange things to my body. Awaking the human man that had died so many decades ago. So much joy. Insurmountable. The electricity sung from her skin into mine. Dont go. She pleaded. The yearning warring with the self-control and confusion shone plainly in her oddly readable brown eyes. If she wanted me to stay, Id stay as long as she wanted. But oh no. the werewolf was coming. His scent hit me hard from the vicinity of the back door. Bella, I have to go. Your friend is coming. Ill come back I promise. I said raking in the pain in her eyes. Dont leave me! she pleaded.

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Ill come back when youre friend is gone. I promised. She held on to my hand obstinately. Unmoved. Bella, I promise. I stared deeply into her eyes willing her to understand. If I didnt leave now, there would be a fight.

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4. Decisions I dashed out of the house and hid in the trees and hoped that he wouldnt catch my scent on her. I didnt want to fight the boy. Bella? I heard him call from behind her. I heard her deep intake of breath. Jake, She cleared her throat. Youre back. Is everything alright? Yes. I just wanted to check on you. Have you eaten since I left? You look really pale. He commented. Im fine. She said. Through his eyes I could see her eyes drop from his. Bella, dont lie to me. Please. Are you really okay? he said touching her face. Yeah, just a bit tired. She lied smoothly. She was getting better at lying or maybe pretending. Lets get you to bed then. He took her upstairs and covered her and kissed her forehead. He turned to leave and she caught his hand. Stay with me a while. Of course. He promised lying next to her. Sleep, Bella.

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Bella, how do I tell you that theres a psycho vampire trying to kill you? I dont want you to be scared. Then how do I tell you that your vampire ex is in town and how can I trust him to stay away from you? He lay there closing his eyes deep in thought. Eventually his breathing developed into a soft snore. I hated knowing he was lying there, in her bed as they both slept. I could no longer see Bella but then the front door opened. Bella emerged calling softly for me. She said she cared for him but I saw what she didnt . . . she loved him. It was completely evident. Maybe her feelings for me wouldnt allow her to see what was right there in her own heart. Edward? she whispered. After a few seconds. I feel stupid. She muttered to herself. Edward? she called again softer this time. I guessed that the werewolf was deeply asleep in her bed. I emerged behind her.Im here. She was slightly startled but composed herself in a moment and smiled, Can we go somewhere and talk? she asked. I nodded and whisked her into my arms --- it felt so good to do this --- and ran her to the meadow. Our meadow. While I ran my eyes never left her face. She was staring ahead but every few seconds her she would look at me in her peripheral vision and blushed every time I caught her peeking.
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This was how it was meant to be. How it would be if I could become human for Bella. I could be with her without risking her life. I could make her happy. Even more immensely than she has made me. The werewolf however was going to be a hindrance because whether she saw it or not, he was a part of her life and a much bigger part than she thought. A much bigger part than I could bear. I remembered feeling like this. This intensely dark emotion that I only felt when I was at Forks High School with Bella and that despicable Mike Newton would be constantly thinking about Bella, weaving disgusting fantasies in his head. They were so crude that I would have killed him just to get rid of those images that were imprinted on my brain. Not to mention that he was constantly asking her out on dates. It helped that Bella hadnt even been the slightest bit interested in him. But the contempt and pure jealously that I felt because of her relationship with Jacob Black was unprecedented. It was ten thousand times worst than Mike Newton. Bella hadnt cared for Newton but she cares for Jacob. She may even love him. I blanched at the thought. Even though I grasped what she hadnt, even with her intuition that was usually dead on, a part of me didnt want to be right. I didnt want to believe that she loved him. That he was in her heart. But I was being selfish. She only did what I expected. She moved on and she met someone else. How could I not expect her to? I left her! I was the biggest fool on the entire planet.

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I love her so much but a part of me wonders if it is not better this way. This love was an impossible one. Wanting to be with her while not wanting to hurt her. I couldnt reconcile either one. She would be better off. We reached the meadow then and I set her on her feet. Never taking my eyes of her face, gauging every expression and reaction. The meadow was in bloom, there were wildflowers everywhere and the sun only enhanced the effect making the little meadow sparkle with magnificence and beauty. But not even this beauty could touch that of Bellas. The most beautiful thing in the world. My world. So delicate and kind. Caring and nurturing. How could anyone not love her? So good and pure and loving. She is such a selfless soul and deserves nothing but utmost happiness. But can I give that to her when I constantly put her in the face of death? Wow! My memory hasnt done it justice. She whispered breaking into my thoughts. Its so beautiful. Not as beautiful as you are. I whispered touching her face. She inhaled deeply at my touch. Her heartbeat picked up and her face turned red. I dont want to have to choose. Please dont make me choose because someone will get hurt. Ill get hurt. She whispered jaggedly. I dont want to hurt you. Ever again. I love you, Bella. I love you so much . . . it hurts. She shook her head, No . . . thats how much I love you. She whispered softly.

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When you left me . . . my life was barren. It was nothing. I couldnt breathe in so long. I couldnt think about you because it hurt . . . not only in here, she pointed to her heart. But it was a physical pain that brought me to my knees. That made me scream out at night and left me more alone than Ive ever been in my entire life. She paused trying to steady her voice. Bella . . . I --- she held one finger up to stop me. Let me finish. Jacob . . . he kept me in one piece. He made me smile again. He made me laugh again and he made me feel alive again. I never thought I would. I had made up my mind that if I couldnt be with you, I wasnt going to be with anyone. Being around Jacob never changed my love for you but it gave me some happiness again. I nodded. She looked up at the sky and then at me, He became my best friend and the one person I had to turn to. One who didnt watch me waiting for the tears. But I still havent let you go yet and I cant be unfair to him, he saved me when my life was hanging off a steep cliff by just a strand and I think he loves me, Edward. Her eyes dropped to the soft grass beside her, Bella . . . look at me. I would not stand in your way if you were to decide to be with him. I just needed you to know how I felt. I just need you to know why I left. Please let me explain. She nodded.

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I lied to you . . . its as simple as that. I lied to you. You mean everything to me, Bella. Everything. And it was ripping me up inside when I was telling you goodbye. I couldnt stand those days, hours and minutes that Id spent without you. Every time I closed my eyes, I would see your face smiling back at me and know that Id lost you. That Id left the only person that Ill ever love. The only person that could ever mean more than life itself to me. I paused looking at the tears smarting in her eyes and seeing the pain this was causing her. Bella, I love you so much . . . so much that I cant live without you. I just cant and it kills me to see you with him. You say he is your best friend but I see that there is more and it is killing me. I still want your happiness more than anything else . . . even my own happiness means nothing in comparison to yours. If he is what you want now . . . its okay. I understand and I dont want you to feel guilty about that. But if you would decide to give me another chance then I would spend the rest of my existence making this up to you. Id spend the rest of my existence loving you and making you happy. Whatever you want Bella. Its your decision.

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5. Jacob

Bella: Edward took me home and I went back slowly upstairs. Jacob was still sleeping and I couldnt bear to wake him. I resumed my position next to him. He looked so peaceful as he slept. He looked exhausted. I wonder why he is so tired. Oh Jake . . . Edwards back and Im confused. I dont know what to do. Before it would have been a simple choice. It would have been Edward without a shadow of a doubt but now . . . a year and a half later . . . its harder because I had Jake now too. I know Jake is hurting because he knows I still care for Edward. But he doesnt know how very much I care about him, how much he means to me. I examined Jacobs sleeping form and realized how lucky I was to have such a good person in my life. I loved Jake. I did. But I thought it to be nothing more than platonic. But looking at him now and remembering when he kissed me, I saw the truth. I was blinded by my love and grief for Edward that I didnt realize that there was love and passion in my heart for Jake too. Edward saw that too, even before I did. I love Jake . . . too. Why does life have to be so damned complicated? Things were so much easier before Edward left. I know why he did it and I understand now. It doesnt hurt now. He did it for me. He did it because he loves me. But Jake. I cant hurt him . . . not after everything hes done for me and because I love him. I was still shocked that this
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had crept up on me. Caught me by surprise and made this situation much more complicated than I wished it to be. I know he doesnt have a clue and I know how much he would love to hear those words. I need to really think about this. Think about what I really want. Edward Cullen or Jacob Black. I lay next to Jacob thinking about that. I must have drifted off to sleep because the next time I opened my eyes it was dark outside. Jacobs arms were still around me. I shook him gently and he woke up staring at me with bleary eyes. Sorry I woke you. I whispered. He smiled that warm smile that I loved. Its okay. Ive been asleep long. When I looked at him I could see everything that I loved. His kindness, his warmth, his love. The way that hes always there for me when I need him. How he keeps me safe. Theres nothing I couldnt love about Jacob. Hes my best friend and I love him. Kiss me? I whispered weirdly as a question and he complied immediately. He kissed me softly but it was building. Edward couldnt kiss me so freely because he was always being careful. Jacob kissed me and I held my own. My breathing was becoming shallow as his lips moved to my neck. He kissed down my neck as he rolled me on my back and pressed his body smoothly against mine. My fingers were interlocked behind his neck as I pulled him tighter against me.

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Thank goodness Charlie wasnt home. Hed probably have a stroke if he walked in on this. I could feel the warmth of his skin burn into mine. . . . Later that night I woke in the darkness in Jacobs arms. Jake . . . you have to get up. Have you heard from my dad? What? Huh? he whispered sleepily. I got up leaving him there and going down to the kitchen to call Billy. Billy? Its Bella. Have you heard from my dad? I was really starting to get worried now. It was highly unusual for Charlie to leave me here alone unless . . . did Charlie know that Jake was staying here with me? He must have. That could be the only explanation. Your dads still at Sues. He told me that he would be coming home in the morning. I should have called earlier but Jake said hed tell you. Jacob didnt tell me anything. I muttered confused and a bit angry because Jake knew I was worried about my dad. He must have forgotten . . . hes wiped out these days because Sams got them running patrols a lot. Its nothing to worry about though. Sam says its just a routine patrol but Im sure Jake didnt tell you about Charlie because it might have slipped his mind.

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I was less angry now knowing that Id seen the same stupor in Jake earlier. Thanks Billy. Goodnight. ~*~*~*~*~ The next morning Jake awoke and had breakfast before going off to run patrols again with Sam. But before he left we had a short but very important conversation at the breakfast table. A conversation that would change everything. Change both of our lives. Jake . . . last night . . . I paused hoping hed catch my drift. I know . . . if you dont want anything more I understand. he responded immediately. No . . . I paused and his face dropped. I mean if you want to give this a try . . . Really? he was surprised. I nodded. He smiled at me euphoric, Are you kidding, Bella? he took my face and kissed my forehead. Of course . . . Ive been waiting for you to give me that chance for a while now. I love you, Bella. he kissed my cheek. I love you too, Jake. I whispered hugging him tightly. Edward, I thought. What am I going to tell you?

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He become unresponsive when I said those three words, You do? I couldnt be sure but I thought I saw tears forming on his thick lashes. Yes. Aw, Bells. Today has to be the best day of my life. He hugged me securely. I have to go. Jake said pulling away unwillingly. I nodded. He smiled knowingly, Ill miss you, too. I smiled. I never had to say anything. Jacob always knew what I was thinking. It was almost like he could read my mind. When Jacob left, I paced around the kitchen all morning waiting for Edward to show up. Then as I turned around . . . he was there. Edward. I jumped, startled. You scared me. Im sorry. I didnt mean to. Bella, I already know what youre going to say. He whispered with hurt in his voice. You do? I asked surprised. Yes, I do. You chose the werewolf. he said, resigned. How did you know that? I asked confused and a bit suspicious. Did you listen, last night? I asked, anger flaring and shame making my cheeks get hot.
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Im sorry . . . I know it was wrong but I just couldnt stand not knowing. When you asked him to . . . He was choking on his words. That became too much for me and I left. Edward . . . I . . . I choked on my words. You dont have to say anything. I understand. Please . . . know how sorry I am. I do love you, Edward and I always will. I know, Bella but you love him now, too and thats my fault. If I hadnt left you, wed still be together and Id be the one you shared your kisses with but Im not. It hurts but I do understand. I will always love you, Bella. Always. He kissed my forehead and then disappeared.

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6. Pain

I ran home to the big white house on the river. Alice was waiting for me again. She had nothing but sympathy in her eyes. She looked like if she could cry if she would. She didnt follow me as I headed for the meadow where I could be alone. But she sent Emmett to check on me. To see if I was alright. I wasnt. Edward? Man, Alice told us what happened. It sucks. Im sorry. Emmett said sincerely trying to be comforting. I just wanted to be alone. He seemed to sense that as he squeezed my shoulders and disappeared into the trees. Alice was relentless. She sent Jasper next. Hoping obviously that Jasper could calm me enough to come home. I didnt want to come home. Jasper started using his ability on me and then stopped realizing that I would come home when I was ready. When I wanted to. He realized that I needed this time for myself. Before he left he said, Wed all understand if you wanted to leave, Edward. This upsets us all to see you distressed and to lose Bella. We know that youre suffering immensely and we wont do anything to make that worse. Whatever you decide to do, well stick behind you, brother. Thank you, Jasper. Ill be home to speak with everyone when Ive decided. Right now, I just want to be alone. He nodded and then vanished. I just sat there trying not to think. Not to see those mental pictures that protruded into my awareness every second. Seeing that werewolf
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touching Bellas body and her touching his. It makes me ill and furious. It basically seemed like shed given him her virtue. But I stayed long enough like a sick peeping tom to ascertain that she hadnt. I felt revolted with myself for even thinking she would because she wasnt that type of girl. She was good. Ive lost her. For good. I will never love again. Ill always look over her though. Im not leaving. I cant leave, even knowing that shes moved on. Ill always protect her because thats all I can do. Ill keep hoping too, that someday, shell change her mind. I stayed in the meadow as long as I could stand to be there because other memories started filling my head. Memories of me and Bella being here. I ran back to the house and met the entire family in my room. An intervention? Edward . . . Esme began. What is this? I asked before she could get many words out. Were worried about you, son. Carlisle answered. Theres no need to be worried. Ill be fine. This is my entire fault. I shouldnt have pushed you to do this, Alice thought chagrined. Its not your fault Alice. I comforted her. Everyone looked at her. I would have gone to see Bella on my own anyway. I wouldnt have been able to stay away.

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Im sorry, she thought sadly. I nodded not wanting to put her on the spot again. Ive made a decision. Im going to stay. Were not going to move. Not because of me. Son, are you sure? We dont mind moving. Youve done it for us before. Carlisle responded. No, its okay. Im going to be okay. I promise. Were staying. But Im going to visit Tanya for a while. I need to clear my head. I am going to come back. I turned to leave. Edward . . . Esme stopped me. My son, are you sure this is what you want to do? she asked only concern in her eyes. I knew this was tormenting her so much. She was ecstatic when I first fell in love with Bella. Shed always hurt over me being alone. Now seeing me in such pain was killing her inside and I knew Jasper could feel that because he was looking at her now. Trying to calm her. Mom, Im sure. I kissed her forehead and turned to leave hearing their thoughts as I passed. Poor kid, Emmett thought. This is my fault, Alice lamented.

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My son, I hate seeing him suffer. Hes too good, Esme thought sadly. Time will heal him, I hope, Jasper thought. Poor Edward, he must be hurting so bad. I wish there was something we could do, Rosalie thought. Her thoughts surprised me. I knew from the start that Rosalie was not fond of Bella or our relationship. But her thoughts were so sincere just now that I really saw the depth of her feelings for me. She really did consider me a good brother and she hated seeing me unhappy. I really underestimated her as a person. She has truly shown me a side of her that I will cherish for its genuineness. I know she still doesnt like Bella. That much I could gather from her thoughts but she cared for me and my happiness and seeing me hurt saddened her. I looked at her as I heard her thoughts and she met my eyes. I smiled at her and she smiled back. I knew that shed understand from my smile how much her thoughts meant to me. How much all of their thoughts and their love meant to me. I ran to Forks, just to see Bella for the last time. It was late and I knew she would be asleep. I scaled her window and she was alone in her bed and wrapped tightly in her covers. A cold night. I could hear her fathers snores coming from down the hall. His cruiser was in the driveway. With one last look at her face, I dropped from the window sill and ran home to get my Volvo. Then I drove to the Denali wilderness to get some alone time.

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Tanya found me as soon as I arrived and she met me at once with a huge embrace. She was flanked by her sisters Irina and Kate. Kate looked happy to see me but I could tell that Irina wasnt. Killed my Laurent, those wolves. She thought sadly. Im so sorry, Irina. I whispered. Though I really wasnt. I heard that Laurent had tried to kill Bella. I forced myself to keep the grimace of my face. Tanya and I walked and all the while she wondered what had brought me here once more. Edward, wont you tell me whats wrong? she asked taking my hand. She still fancied me but this gesture felt purely friendly so I did not pull away. Its Bella. Shes . . . moved on and I just needed some time to myself. Oh. Im so sorry. She sounded sincere and truly worried about me. Like everyone else. Im trying to be strong. It hurts, Tanya. I hated being a coward and feeling so weak. I would have never expressed my feelings like this before but now I was passed being a loner. I couldnt keep these things inside me any longer. Tanya was like family and she cared. She truly cared about why I was unhappy and so we sat and talked for a long while. Youre not a coward, Edward. You never have been. You are just in love, my friend. She whispered looking up at the stars.
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Thank you, Tanya. For listening to me. I said gratified. Im always here, Edward. And for you, I always will be. She whispered wistfully. I smiled at her and kissed her cheek. Her thoughts were frantic. I should go. She didnt want me to hear her thoughts. She didnt want me to hear how much she still wanted me. Not while I was agonized. She was trying to be a considerate friend. I appreciated that but as hard as she tried she couldnt hide the truth. Not from me and I heard her thoughts anyway. Tanya, its okay. You dont have to leave. Stay here with me. I placated her. She sat back down and fell back onto her back into the snow looking up at the stars. I followed suit and we lay there both lost in our thoughts. ~*~*~*~*~ I awoke the next morning feeling nothing but guilt for what I had done to Edward. The look on his face, so resigned and he tried so hard to hide his pain from me. His last words lingered with me. Consuming my thoughts. I will always love you, Bella. Always. I had cried myself to sleep last night feeling the guilt consume me. My dad was home so Jake didnt stay the night. Did I make the right choice? It shouldnt matter because I love them both and Jake and I shared something special. When he kissed
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me, it was intense and beautiful. Of course if I were to reference this with my time with Edward, it wasnt the same. Edward and I shared something otherworldly. I had to stop making comparisons. I didnt make a mistake because I chose someone I loved and someone who loved me.

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7. Doubt

My family didnt know that I was back. I told Tanya that I had to go back and see them but I hadnt. I went to see Bella instead and things just kept looking bleak. To see her with him looking at her with so much in love; It was killing me. This dog was literally making me a very irate person which is not my usual nature. He was living the life that I wanted. He was living my life with Bella. Should I keep fighting? I love her enough that Id do anything to be with her again. But for right now, I needed to clear my head. I drove back to the tranquility of the Denali wilderness. I found Eleazar waiting there for me. He looked worried and uneasy. Edward, what keeps you here? You know we are happy to have you, but Tanya tells us that you are very unhappy. Yes, Eleazar. Im in love with a human girl who has chosen a werewolf over me. I think that would rank me as unhappy. I explained, detached. No need to be harsh with me, dear one. I will leave you to your thoughts. Thank you, Eleazar. And tell Tanya that I know she wants to speak with me so stop hiding in the bushes. I laughed for the first time since I came back. Tanya emerged from the trees looking embarrassed. I didnt think youd want to talk. I didnt want to bother you.

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Youre not bothering me, Tanya. The company is good. I am lucky to have your friendship and your support. She nodded. I appreciate everything youve done for me. Your kindness has really made me feel somewhat at ease. But I would however like some time to myself before I go back home. I understand, Edward. Be happy. She whispered as she vanished into the trees. ~*~*~*~*~

Edward. Since that day that I made my choice, hed been on my mind. Constantly in my thoughts. I love him. I would always love him. Then why didnt I choose him? I fell in love with Jacob too but it wasnt as strong as the love I still felt for Edward. The love that I would always feel for him. Was I too rash in making my choice? One thing was for sure . . . I was going to find out . . . ~*~*~*~*~ Love. Bella. I sighed to myself. Lost. Bella. How badly I wish that I was human so that I could be with her. That my fate wouldnt have broken us apart. I would leave the eternal life behind if it meant that Bella could be mine again. What a dangerous

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thing love was. It made me feel so vulnerable, so lonely and heartbroken. Me! An immortal! Bella . . . I love you. Edward? Tanya called. I could sense that she hated intruding but she had a message to deliver. Carlisle was in her thoughts. Tanya, is Carlisle alright? What is it? I asked anxiously. No, hes fine but you have a visitor. At home. In Forks. She whispered. A visitor? Who is it? I wondered. I cant say. Carlisle didnt give many details. Only that you need to come home. Now. I left immediately. A visitor. Who could it be? My heart wished fervently that it was Bella. When I finally reached home, I went straight to Carlisles study. It was very late and I had broken many speed limits to get here faster. I wondered who would have stayed so long waiting to see me. Carlisle, Tanya said . . . I started. Then she emerged . . . Bella! It was really her. She had chosen the werewolf. I had seen her looking blissful in his arms not long ago. What was she doing here then?
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Ill give you two some privacy. Carlisle said as he gathered his books and went downstairs, touching my shoulder as he passed. She loves you, son. I had a chat with her and I could tell. She loves you, still. Carlisle thought as he passed and my eyes darted to Bella and away. I just nodded to Carlisle and as he retreated, my eyes fixed on Bellas face. I missed her face. Her pale, heart-shaped face that shone with color every time she blushed, her long mahogany hair that hung loose and straight on the sides of her face. Id been away from her for only three days now and it still made me sigh with relief seeing her. Its hard for me to concentrate on anything but her even when shes not there. Bella . . . what are you doing here? I asked breaking the awkward silence. She hesitated as if she wasnt sure herself. Edward . . . I . . . she started. Then she did the most unexpected thing. She just ran into my arms and embraced me strongly, as strong as she was capable of, anyway. I hugged her securely, burying my face in her hair. I laughed, and it felt good to do this. Whats this for? I asked, whispering in her ear. Not that I had any objection.

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Her breathing hitched when my whisper raised Goosebumps on her neck. Of course that could just be because my breath was ice cold. But then as the warmth within me started to diminish, blush colored her neck and flushed her face and the warmth increased manifold. Edward . . . she sighed. She looked into my golden eyes then and I saw only love there. She touched my face, stroking it. It felt so exquisite. Her touch was like nothing I had ever experienced. I could feel an electric current running through my frame, with delight that she was here in my arms. It almost felt like I had a pulse and it was racing. Still there was some part of my mind that asked, what had changed? What had brought her to me? I know that those questions were insignificant right now because nothing mattered but that she was here with me. Finally. She let me go then and faced away from me. Bella? I asked huskily. Im so sorry. I shouldnt have done that. Im sorry. She whispered, her voice cracking and her breathing hitched and broke. I touched her then and she looked at me. Bella, why are you sorry?I asked her, touching her face. She exhaled slowly at my touch, leaning her face into my hand, her cheeks warming. Because . . . I chose Jacob and I shouldnt be here. I dont know why I am. I just really needed to see you. She paused looking into my eyes. I havent been able to stop thinking about you since the last time I saw you.
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Its fine, Bella. I just want you to be happy. Always. I should go. She whispered. Dont go. I whispered. She exhaled softly, I have to . . . because you have no idea how hard it is for me to walk away right now. She extricated herself out of my arms and turned to walk away. As she left she whispered something under her breath to herself, probably forgetting I could still hear her. But those words gave me hope. Did I make the right choice? she asked herself and she walked away.

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8. Friends

Bella was unsure. She was unsure about her decision to be with the werewolf. This gave me hope. I didnt care how long Id have to wait for her. I had forever stretched out in front of me and if I had to wait that long to be with her, I would gladly do it. I sat in the living room and I was unexpectedly tempted to go to my piano. I hadnt played in quite a while but this hope was fueling a joy that had me eager to play again. To play Bellas song, her lullaby. But I fought against the urge to hope because if it came to nothing . . . Id be in misery forever. The phone rang then, shrill and demanding. But before it could ring a second time, Alice had already picked it up. Its for you. She said speeding right next to me. I took the phone and answered, Hello? Edward. The voice on the other line responded. Bella. Yes? For the first time I was lost for words. I wasnt used to feeling like this. Nothing and no one had ever made me feel so vulnerable and weak. It was as if I wasnt the same person anymore and that kind of change was rare and lasting for us, should it occur.
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I had thought that Bella had altered my person entirely when I fell in love with her but it seems that Im still changing. Still changing, because of her. I dont know or recognize myself anymore. Im not the same Edward that I once was. Its Bella. She whispered. I know, I answered. Are you alright? Yes, I was wondering though . . . if . . . she whispered hesitantly. Go on, I encouraged when she paused. Well, I was wondering if we could meet and . . . talk. she asked softly probably uncertain of my response. But of course I would meet her. That was a given. There wasnt anything I wouldnt do for her. Yes, we can. Where would you like to meet? I asked excited about the opportunity to spend time with her. Um . . . can we go to the meadow? she murmured. Yes Bella, Ill meet you in fifteen minutes? I asked a smile in my voice. She breathed a soft sigh of relief, but I still heard it and her voice cheered up, Great. Ill see you then. Bye. I murmured. Bye, Edward. She said in a soft whisper.

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~*~*~*~*~*~ Im going to meet Edward. I know its very wrong and Im being unfair to Jake but I feel like I have to make things right with Edward and I want him to be a part of my life. Its unfair to Edward as well because his last words on the day I told him my choice, lingered with me. He said that hed always love me. I would always love him as well. Im so very confused. I cannot be with them both but yet I cant be without them both in my life. Jacobs my best friend, he loves me so much and he sacrifices a lot for me. I cant hurt him and I hate hurting Edward. Its tearing me apart. I dont really know what the right thing to do is. Jacobs running wolf with Sam and the pack right now so I can speak to Edward. Knock, Knock, Knock. I opened the door and saw Edward there waiting for me. That heartbreakingly beautiful smile lit his face. I could do nothing but stand and stare at his god-like beauty. And then the pain shot through my heart. He was no longer mine and that had been my choice. ~*~*~*~*~* Bella? Are you okay? I asked her as she stood there staring at me. It didnt look like she was breathing. Her stare made me feel like I was melting into a puddle of tranquility and love.

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My words broke her concentration. Im fine. Shall we? she stepped forward. We walked to the trees and then I scooped her into my arms and ran her to our meadow and I placed her on the soft grass among the wildflowers. She sat there marveling. She got her fill of the site until she finally looked at me. Edward . . . she started pausing to take my hand. Her touch was so warm. So gratifying. Yes, Bella? I encouraged her to go on. Her cheeks warmed as she continued, Ive been thinking and well . . . I was wondering . . . if . . . we could be . . . she paused standing up and walking away from me. I was puzzled. What was she asking? I got up and started after her, taking her hand and pulling her into my arms. Her cheeks blushed red and she smiled looking down. There was a light breeze that increased her scent and I had to hold my breath till it passed. The intoxication of her scent was the only thing that kept pulling me away from her. It was one of the reasons that I left her and now lost her. Friends? she finished finally looking up into my golden eyes. Yes. I answered immediately, not taking any time to think it through but grasping at the opportunity to be around her.

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Really? she smiled. Of course, Bella. But you already knew that didnt you? I asked. I wasnt sure but I hoped that youd say yes. She touched my face and took my hand, sitting me down. I just want us to remain a part of each others lives. I dont want to lose you. She admitted, blushing and looking down. I dont want that either Bella . . . I sighed finally. For the strangest reason, I was unable to maintain conversation with her. I wasnt sure what to say and it didnt seem like she did either. We sat there in compatible silence sometimes looking at each other for immeasurable moments. She would look into my eyes and remain there trapped by my gaze. Her chocolate depths sparkling. When night came, I took her home and she smiled at me touching my face. Thank you. For spending the day with me. It was nice, she whispered. For me as well, I agreed.

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9. Turmoil I opened the door and walked up to my room, a small smile on my lips. Everything was headed in a good direction. I cracked the door to my room and entered to get my towel and bathroom necessities to go shower but something interrupted that. Jacob. He was lying across my bed, staring fixedly outside my window. Jake? I whispered breaking the silence and pulling him back from his fixation. Why? he whispered almost inaudibly. What? I asked but I already knew what he meant. How long have you known he was back? he asked, looking at me gauging my reaction. Not very long, I murmured walking to the bed and sitting next to him, taking his hand. Are you mad at me? No not mad, he said looking at my hand on his and I breathed a sigh of relief. Disappointed is more like it. He pulled his hand from mine and slid of the bed, pacing in front of me. I just cannot begin to comprehend why you would see him. After all hes done to you.

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I just wanted to give him a chance to explain . . . he deserved that. I cant shut him out, Jacob. I told him to stay away from you, he growled under his breath. I heard it anyway. You what? When did you do that? The awful truth was beginning to dawn on me. Jake was keeping secrets. Did you know he was back all along? I demanded when he faced away from me. I got up and marched up to him pulling on his arm, Answer my question, Jacob! He released himself from my grasp and faced me, Yes, he glowered down at me. I knew but he told me that he wasnt back for you so I let him go and he promised to steer clear of you. Bella, I did this for your own good. His face was softer now. Pleading. You know what happened to you when he left before. I just didnt want you to ever suffer like that again. He took my face in his hands, Please, understand why I did this. I removed his hands, I dont understand. He took me into his arms, Bella. Please. Dont let this tear us apart. He leaned in. I averted my head, I just need some time to myself. To think.

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His eyes swam in moisture as he looked into my eyes. My heart contracted uncomfortably in my chest at his pain but he wasnt going to be easily forgiven for this deception. Even if it was with good intention. Bella . . . dont. Please. He pleaded as I loosened his hold on me. I needed time to think. To gather my thoughts and seeing him like this, looking so vulnerable, I knew I couldnt bear it much longer. I was going to cave. Im not . . . just allow me some time to myself, I touched his cheek. He released me and turned to walk away. His hand paused on the doorknob, Bella? Yes? I love you, And he walked out the door. ~*~*~*~*~* Friends. It wasnt precisely what I wanted but it gave me some part of what Ive desired. It gave me the excuse and opportunity to be around Bella. It could be just like before except for the intimacy. Alice found me in my room and sat on the floor beside my feet. So . . . how are things going with you and Bella? she asked nonchalantly. I laughed, Nice subtlety. Were making progress. Were . . . friends. I looked at her face for her reaction.
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Friends? She thought. Its a start. Brings you guys together so thats good. Alice, thank you. Youve been very supportive. Maybe I should go spend some time with my new friend. What do you think? It was early the next morning. Acceptable time for me to go see her. Yes. Go. She thought smugly. Arent you glad now that I didnt let you give up? Yes I am. Youre the best sister! I laughed and ruffled her spikes as I left. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Bellas number. She picked up the second ring. Hello? she answered. Bella. I responded. Edward? she whispered. Yes . . . I was wondering if you would want to have lunch with me. I know its redundant seeing as I wouldnt be eating but . . . I just thought we could spend some time together. I felt like laughing. It sounded like I was asking her on a date. How foolish. She would see right through me as usual. Id love to, Edward but we dont have to go to lunch. Maybe we could spend the day in the meadow again. That would be equally as nice. I will be there in twenty minutes? I clarified because I wanted to be able to give her enough time. That would be great. She murmured. Ill see you then.
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When I arrived, she was waiting on the porch. She didnt see me at first. She seemed preoccupied with her thoughts. What I wouldnt give to be able to hear her. But I should respect her privacy. Bella, are you alright? I asked pulling her from her reverie. She looked at me not really seeing me. She was very distracted. She gave me an approximation of a smile. Hey. Lets go, she whispered getting up and taking my hand. I lifted her into my arms and as I ran, I studied her face. She was looking away, lost in her head again. She seemed unhappy and worried at the same time. She had that familiar and frustrating crease lining her forehead. I always hated seeing her miserable. When we reached the meadow, I sat her down on the soft grass. Bella, what is the matter? I asked taking her face and forcing her to look at me. Its not something that I should discuss with you. Its about . . . Jacob. She whispered turning her face away again. We were friends. This would bring us closer. She should know that I would be there for her no matter what. That she could count on me. Im fine talking about him with you. I want to help. Talk to me, Bella. I touched her face. She sighed, He lied to me. He knew you were back and he kept it from me.

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Bella, Im sorry. I heard his thoughts that day and as much as it kills me to say it, he loves you a lot and I think he was just protecting you. You know, youre an amazing person. I could tell how hard it was for you to speak kindly of him. Thank you. She kissed my cheek. My body reacted oddly to her intimacy. You should take me home though. I should talk to him. I nodded. When we arrived back at the Swan residence, I saw him. His expression severe. His jaw hard and squared with anger. This was going to be very bad . . .

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10. Goodbye?

Jacob? He stared at me wordlessly, his arms folded across his chest. His eyes slid past me in a second and he focused a murderous glare on Edward. He seemed to be trying very hard not to phase. I hoped to God that he wouldnt. Having the two of them fight would be like killing me. I wouldnt be able to stand seeing either of them hurt. Jake? I called again trying to focus his stare on me so that he would calm down. I walked slowly to him and took his hand. I half expected Edward to stop me because Jake wasnt in control right now. I shuddered to think of what might happen if he were to phase with me so close. Emilys scarred face flashed in my memory and I flinched away from the image and centered on the very irate werewolf that was breathing so hard that he might explode any second. I touched his face and it softened. I could still feel Edwards presence and I expected that he would stay. He would not leave me alone with Jacob in this state. Jacob looked down at me. Is this why you needed time? he glared at me but I could see the pain in his eyes.

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No . . . I . . . I looked down from his glare which was much too much to bear. I couldnt bear to have him so aggrieved. I turned and looked at Edward whose eyes were on me, naturally. I could see worry there but nothing else. He kept his other emotions hidden from me. If there were any others. When I looked back, Jakes eyes were on me. Can we go inside and talk? I pleaded with my eyes for Jake to trust me. His eyes were guarded, Sure. He struggled to keep his voice steady and calm. I looked back at Edward. I didnt have to speak. He could read my expression. I simply nodded minutely. And I knew he would understand that it was safe to leave me alone with Jake. I tried and succeeded also to seep trust into my eyes because I knew that Edward would still worry about my safety. I turned around and took Jacobs hand and walked inside. It would be a few more hours till Charlie came home so Jake and I could really talk. When Jacob wasnt looking, I snuck a peek behind my back and saw that Edward was gone. I sighed softly. I had no clue what I was going to say to Jacob. No decision had been made. My selfishness kept me from making one. We sat down and neither of us spoke. The silence was deafening. Something needed to be said but I guess we both were at a loss of words to know what to say. Jacob was calmer and I guessed that was because of Edwards absence. I knew that he feared this more than anything. More than the vampires he hunted and more than the fact that he was a werewolf and by estimation a monster. He always feared that
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Edward would come back and that he would lose me. I realized that and I understood now why he kept the truth from me. I couldnt call him selfish because that would be the pot calling the kettle black. Id be a hypocrite because no one was more selfish than I was. I was the one who was in love with her best friend while pining for her lost vampire love and even though I know that my love for Edward is a thousand times stronger than my love for Jake, I couldnt leave Jacob. I couldnt break his heart because I knew that it would rip me apart and worse, I just couldnt let him go. Jacob became the only thing I had left to hold onto. The only one that mattered and made my life seem worth living and even though my true love was back, I could never make myself let Jake go. I was selfish. I am selfish. In love with a vampire and a werewolf. I sighed quietly. I was seriously messed up. Jake broke the silence, I love you, Bella. His whisper was agonized. And I love you, Jacob. I did love him and I hated that he was hurting. My angst over his dishonesty was exaggerated. I had no right to my irritation because I understood the desire to protect and secure what I loved more than anything else. Jacob broke into my reverie. Then why, Bells? he squared his shoulders and looked deeply into my eyes. Im trying to understand why after all this you still go back to him? Why even I am not enough to make you happy? His voice broke and he dropped his face into his hands.
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The tears welled up and spilled down my cheeks. You do make me happy, Jake. My voice was muffled by the tears that were thick in my throat. Then enlighten me as to what Im missing here, Bells because Im coming up empty. There is a terribly painful ache in my chest. Im not used to feeling this way. My chest itself feels hollow because there is a part of me that feels that Ive already lost you. I cant lose you, Bells. I love you so much that I can hardly breathe when I think of losing you. The pain layered every facet of his speech and my own heart ached agonizingly in my chest and squeezed against ribs so hard that I too was having trouble breathing. I wanted to say something but nothing came to my lips, just air. No words. Jake was at his breaking point and I never thought I could hurt him like this. That I could hurt anyone like this. To such a severe extent that the anguish was imprinted on his every expression. He didnt look at me after that. I dont think he could and I couldnt blame him. He shouldnt have to look at me because I could only imagine what he felt seeing me come home with Edward. The bloodsucker I cringed delicately at Jacobs derogatory term, that Jake loathed. That was by birthright and legend, his sworn enemy. I never agreed with the rules that pitted vampires against werewolves. I saw it as juvenile and unnecessary. Maybe I would have felt differently if I hadnt had a werewolf for a best friend. If I hadnt fallen in love with a vampire. If I didnt love them both more than my own life.

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Mythical creatures that would typically scare a human away running and screaming for their lives, break my heart because of my selfishness. Legends that should remain just that, something I had no knowledge about hurt me emotionally more than it they ever could physically. Again, I am seriously messed up. Dangling on the very edge of a precipice that threatened to send me spiraling into my own personal oblivion. My own personal Hades where I had no perfect, beautiful vampire lover and no protective lovable werewolf best friend. Just me and my nothingness. This was exactly what I deserved for my depraved mistakes. That caused me and the ones I loved, the most insufferable pain imaginable. Jacob seemed to be waiting for my response to his speech. I had to say something before my silence made this already bad situation worse. Ive thought about things and I shouldnt have reacted so curtly. I am not mad at you. And if you must know, Edward defended you. He doesnt hate you Jake and I really think that this werewolf vampire enemies nonsense is overrated. He didnt look at me but I saw his eyes widened marginally when I mentioned Edwards defense of him. Bella, do you really think that you could be friends with the leech that abandoned you? That you could have both of us in your life? His brows furrowed trying to make sense of our corrupted condition. No matter what angle you looked at it, these were very abnormal circumstances. There was no making sense of it.

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Its worth a try isnt it? I too was becoming reluctant. The more I examined this state that I had pushed myself into, the chances that things would turn out favorable was dim and getting murkier with every passing second. There is only one question left to ask, Bella. He looked me straight in the eyes. His eyes were piercing. His hot breath on my face. Do you love him? I could hear the agony even in the whisper. I couldnt lie because lying wasnt helping the progression of this situation in a positive direction. I nodded, Yes, I do. His head bowed and he nodded, Guess I already knew that. It was a vain hope to think otherwise. He got up and paced away from me. The ball is in your court, Bella. No strings. Ill give you some time and you can sort this out. Follow your heart. My own heart will be hoping that it leads you back to me. He turned to leave. Jacob! he turned fractionally. He said nothing so I went on. Are you sure about this? My heart was breaking. Was I losing my best friend? Yes. I really hope that this isnt the end for us, Bella. He bent and kissed my cheek. He hugged me off the floor in a tight embrace and the tears flowed down my cheeks. Was this goodbye? For good? The thought broke the sob in my chest and Jake set me on my feet. He held my eyes for an immeasurable moment and then left.

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11. Torn Bella. I sighed. I was sitting in the meadow again and reminiscing on the afternoon. Everything had gone horribly awry and I couldnt believe that I didnt see that coming. I was worried naturally about Bella and her safety. The werewolf was dangerously out of control. His temper was raging and I hadnt needed to read his thoughts to know that all that fury was aimed at me. When he had looked at Bella all I could see there was anguish. He wasnt angry with her. Through his thoughts I could see that being mad at her was not something he was able to do. I understood that. I too could never be furious with Bella for anything because someone so good was not deserving of having such an emotion thrust at her. She was too good. I wondered if she was ok. If she was safe. I wanted to go and check on her but I feared that the werewolf might still be there. Not that I was frightened of him but because he doesnt seem to be mature enough to handle the situation without it coming to a fight and I would have to defend myself. I know of Bellas feelings for him and I would not want her to be unhappy. I could call, I suppose. I mused like this in silence. The meadow was peaceful. The wildflowers plentiful. The colors, purple, yellow, white, balanced the bright light that shined down on me and threw sparkles about my marble skin. But there was still something missing. Or someone rather. She wasnt here and so it would remain incomplete.

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I heard her and I was waiting for her to show up. I laughed one short hard laugh because Alice couldnt stay away long enough to give me the peace I so desperately needed right now. I knew my irritation at Alices concern was unjustified. She understood me so much better than anyone else. Outcasts among those that were already shunned. Her thoughts were chagrined. Im sorry, she thought as she slipped sinuously down on the grass next to me. I know that you want to be alone, she said breaking the long silence that I experienced since I came here. I just . . . you know I love Bella like a sister and I too want to know that she is well. I sighed heavily. Alice was persistent but her feelings were pure. She missed spending time with Bella. As did I. It wasnt the same thing but she cared about her and she wanted her happiness almost as much as I did. But though I had put Bella and relationships on the back burner, Alice couldnt help her thoughts. She still had faith, faith that I couldnt summon, that Bella and I would be together again like before. That everything would go back as if nothing had ever changed. I wanted so very bad to embrace that faith she had but I just couldnt allow myself to hope. Not after everything I had witnessed over the past few days. Bella knew I loved her and that I always would but she chose the werewolf. She is with the werewolf right now and she loves him. I had no one to blame for this but myself so I could feel no angst towards the boy or to Bella. Of course she would move on. She was human and by comparison so was he. He filled that hole that I left. I couldnt

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expect that she would have remained pining and waiting for me here whenever I decided to come back. This was somehow my punishment for that misdeed.

I would call. Visiting would just exasperate the situation more and I really didnt want to have to fight the werewolf. Making Bella unhappy was not acceptable. I pulled out the small silver cell phone from my pocket and dialed the number to my lifeline. Bella answered on the second ring. Hello? she sounded anxious and on edge. Bella. I was now uncertain if I wasnt being rash for calling her so soon. It had been long enough right? Approximately five hours. I laughed wryly to myself. Ah. My impossible addiction to this fragile human girl. Edward. I am so sorry about this afternoon. She hurriedly apologized as she recognized my voice. Bella, you have nothing to be sorry about. The antagonism of our two kinds is too much a part of us. Its not your fault. Its just instinct that makes us on edge around one another. She was so benevolent. Always caring about others. Even when she didnt have to. There was a moment of silence that needed to be filled.

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Is everything well Bella? Are you okay? I was suddenly worried again. The image of the boy when I last saw her was imprinted in my infallible vampire memory and protruded into my thoughts every few minutes. It was a relief to be able to hear her voice and be able to ask my questions freely. No. she replied flatly an undertone of sadness. Jacob left. He is letting me have some time apart to think about what I really want or rather who. I was rather pleased with this news though I shouldnt have been because Bella was in pain. Still she had a choice to make. Did I have any hope that she would pick me? I couldnt allow myself to be appeased by this revelation if Bella was upset. She shouldnt have to suffer over this. Edward, I . . . she started pulling me from my train of thought but unable to finish her sentence. Yes, Bella? I prompted her. Nothing. Never mind. Its not important. She finally whispered. I knew her voice well enough to hear that there was something she wanted to ask me. It was frustrating not to know what that was. My curiosity was raging. But I held my tongue. I couldnt push. Not when she was in such a vulnerable place. It wouldnt be fair. When shes ready, I told myself. Are you sure? You can tell me anything, Bella. She knew she could trust me. She shouldnt have to keep anything from me whether it be trivial or not and nothing

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about her was inconsequential. She was the most vital thing to me. Nothing mattered more than this girl and nothing ever could. I have to go. She whispered abruptly. My dad is home. I understood. Her father should not know. Not yet. He wouldnt forgive my callous treatment of his daughter. Though he must have heard Carlisle was back at the hospital. Goodbye, Bella. I whispered and she hung up. ~*~*~*~*~*~ Hey Dad. I tried to sound happy but I could feel myself from the inside out and my voice was a flat and unemotional monotone. As I wished however, this escaped Charlies notice. I breathed a soft sigh of relief. Hey Bells. He called back cheerfully. Someone had a good day. How was work? I asked trying to make conversation. My voice was more convincing this time. Not that Charlie would notice anyway. He was in such a cherry mood; I dont think anything could have penetrated it. I ambled about the kitchen getting his dinner. I kept it simple and fried some chicken and made a salad. Work was slow, he responded in disbelief. For the longest time, its been so busy around here. So hectic. Its nice to kick back and relax at the fact that Forks has returned to the quiet little town it used to be.

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Thats nice, Dad, I said resting his dinner on the table in front of him and turned to go to my room. Arent you eating? he didnt look up as he speared the chicken with his fork. I rolled my eyes in exasperation. I just wanted to be alone. I winced. I was all alone now wasnt I? Oh the sweet irony. Im not hungry, Dad. I think Im going to go lie down. Im tired. I yawned there complimenting the lie perfectly. He shrugged, Kay, goodnight, Bell. Night, Dad. And I trudged up the stairs slowly and sluggishly. I didnt do this because I was trying to fake for Charlie but because I wasnt reveling in the fact that I was now alone. No Jacob. No Edward. I grabbed my toothbrush off the dresser and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth slowly looking at the dead look in my eyes in the bathroom mirror. The person who stared back at me was appalling. She was paler than usual, her eyes were empty. I couldnt see myself anywhere in her face. I was lost. I cracked the door to my bedroom and pulled the covers over me as I slid in bed. A movement in the dark caught my attention and sent my heart hammering in my chest. There was someone in my room. I was not alone. Then I breathed out a huge sigh of release as I assessed who was in my room. It was Edward.
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Looking at his face alone sent my heart into frenzied palpitations. I couldnt regulate it. Not with his beautiful gold eyes mesmerizing and capturing me in their depth. Then he smiled as he heard my heart with his extra facilities and smiled that scintillating crooked smile that left me gasping for air. My breath becoming too shallow from just looking at him. He sat on the bed next to me, taking my face into his hands. I could feel my blush heat the air between us. He stroked my cheek gently and smiled. Bella, he breathed my name in his absurdly attractive voice. His full lips brushing together. My stomach was in knots. I remembered this. Feeling like this whenever he was near. Time had not made me immune or resistant to his charm and magnificence. He was leaning in and I couldnt stop myself from following suit as a new but somewhat familiar urgency made itself known. Our lips met and I could feel the marble cold hardness of his lips against mine. My breath was shallow. I could hardly breathe. Which was always the case whenever I was around Edward. I remembered this too. Knotting my fingers in his bronze hair and securing his face to mine. The taste of his smooth lips on mine. The fragrance that was coming off his chest and his breath. So sweet. When he released my lips he simply leaned his smooth forehead against mine. Both our breathing was heavy and uncontrolled.
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His voice was husky when he finally spoke, Bella . . . I love you. Friendship . . . its not enough. I want you, Bella. Always. His sweet breath caressed my face on his last word. Lingering in soft echoes. He released me as soon as he was done and slipped out my window into the dark of the night. I was speechless. ~*~*~*~*~*~ I knew that there was nothing that I wanted more than that human girl up there in her room. Her breathing still erratic. The feeling of her soft, warm lips against mine was like nothing Ive ever felt before. She had surrendered to me tonight. She didnt think twice. She just let it happen and I could feel the heat coming off her skin. It was like a furnace being turned on. I always condemned myself for putting her in danger and I never wanted to do that again. I never wanted to be away from her again. She was the most significant thing to me. I still dont think that I deserve her. That it was my destiny to love this girl. But I did. I loved her and I wanted her forever. I wasnt sure what had come over me when I decided to ambush her like this. I just couldnt stand it anymore. It was maddening! Not knowing whether or not shed still be in my life tomorrow. Alice had tried to stop me this time. Shed said that I should let Bellas decision come naturally. That I shouldnt sway her. This was the one instant in which I disagreed with her because I wasnt going to lose Bella to that werewolf. To that beast.
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I ran home and met Alice on the front porch. That was quite a display of affection, Edward. Almost brought me to tears. She made a face. Im happy that you didnt listen to me . . . that you went anyway because youre not the only one that would be losing Bella. The entire family, too. Ill have my friend back, Edward. Shes going to chose you. She said smugly. Her eyes slightly unfocused. Was she seeing the outcome of this messy love triangle? I couldnt read anything. I smiled and mussed her hair, Keep that optimism for the both of us. Im still not sure but I can tell you one thing . . . It felt really great to be with her again. I know it did, she thought. Now go on inside. Jazz wants to hunt and Emmett wants you to come along. ~*~*~*~*~*~

That night lingered with me. I couldnt release it from my thoughts. Every moment of that night was imprinted on my mind. This was a crucial decision I was making. But I couldnt help but wonder, shouldnt it be obvious? I mean if I really loved him, shouldnt my choice have been obvious? There was a knock at the door and I was out of time to ponder. Jacob.
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Hey Jake, I smiled, a catch in my throat as I remembered the last time that I saw him. Bella, he said as he walked past me into the house. So . . . how are you? I didnt know what to say and I fervently hoped he wasnt here for my decision. Bella, I cant stay. Sam needs me. But I just thought that you should know that Im not going to give up on us. I love you and I refuse to lose you to that leech, he sneered the word. But I was past noticing his disparaging term because I blatantly realized that he was declaring himself to me. Just like Edward had done last night. I would be so much better for you, Bells. Just think about it, okay? he touched my face and leaned in and kissed me on the lips lightly before leaving. His face was drawn with pain. I could see that he tried to hide this from me but he couldnt. I knew him too well. I was torn. Torn between a vampire and a werewolf. Edward saying he'd always love me. Jacob's face as he left after kissing me last. My heart was breaking into pieces at the thought of losing Jake for good. He was my best friend. Though I still couldn't summon the will to let Edward go. I suppose, no, it is my selfishness and desperate need to have both these mythical creatures in my life that has turned my world upside down. It's left me more baffled and heartbroken and alone than I've ever felt.

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Love was such a complex emotion. Love made you sad but at the same time it made you happy. It made you foolish but smart. It made you see things in a whole new light yet sometimes left you more confused and chaotic than you could have ever imagine possible. Edward. Jacob. No matter what path I chose someone would hurt. Someone would suffer. I would hurt and suffer. It's killing me to have to do this. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think. Because my thoughts are tangled up in a web of never ending decisions. Who am I not willing to lose? Easily. Neither I couldnt stand to lose either of these two amazing people. The question I should really be asking myself is: Who can't I live without?

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12. Danger

I was on my way to work at the Newton's when I heard the one thing that was going to unravel my entire day and very certainly destroy my life. As if I didnt have enough to worry about. Like the fact that I had to chose between my vampire love and werewolf best friend. I had the radio turned on, oddly for me. Since Edward had left I rarely listened to music. Which was probably why I had it on very softly. But my ears didn't miss the news headlines. Even when I got to work Mike was talking about it with his mom. Missing hikers. Blood found on the tracks. People were dying in Forks again and that could mean only one thing. Victoria was back. For me. Of course. I mean I couldnt be nave to the fact that she would have eventually come back to exact her revenge on me for the loss of her mate James. I blanched at the thought of being in close proximity to the predatory redhead vampire who wanted nothing more than my death. She would stop at nothing. She wouldn't stop until I was no longer breathing in the air of this world. By now Jake and his pack would realize that she was back. I shuddered at the thought of Jake finding her. If she hurt Jake . . . I couldn't even think about that. My stomach churned. Jake risking his life. Constantly putting himself in danger.
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"I can take care of myself" he would say. That still would not stop me from worrying. And Edward. He wouldnt turn a blind eye to Victorias return either. He blamed himself for her fixation and bloodlust for my life. The way he sees it is if he had left me alone, my life would never have been in danger. That Victoria wouldnt be chasing my demise so constantly. She had to be stopped but I really preferred that Jake and Edward not have to be the ones to stop her. If I lost either of them, how could I come back from that? I would feel intensely guilty for the rest of my life because they would have perished trying to preserve my miserable life. No. I couldnt allow them to risk their lives for me. I had rather die than lose them. But what could I do? They would never listen to me. Theyd still go after her. Still try to protect me. I didnt deserve either of them. They were too good for me. And they deserved so much better.

~*~*~*~*~

Victoria was back. Emmett and Jasper had crossed her scent while hunting. There was no doubt that she was back for Bella. But she would never get close enough to even smell her. I wont allow it. She would not be roaming this earth much longer and I would see to that. Bella will be safe again. I will never allow her to be in danger again.

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If it werent for me she wouldnt even be in this position. She wouldnt be fearing for her life if I hadnt put her in danger to begin with. I will never forgive myself if she is harmed. Never. Carlisle was in his Study with Emmett and Jasper working on a strategy for us to corner Victoria the next time we cross her scent. No one will touch Victoria except me. I will have her demise. And so the hunt begins . . .

Edward weve spotted her but if we want to catch up to her, we have to go. Now! Emmett said in a rush. What? Where was she headed? I asked while we made our way down the stairs where the rest of the family was waiting. Ready to hunt. She was heading east. Emmett words were jumbled. He was reeking anticipation for the hunt. This was the most excitement hed seen in a very long while. Lets go! We ran with inhuman speed in the direction of Victorias scent. Her scent was layered on every surface of the dense forest. The trees, every leaf. There were no footprints though that meant nothing. She was here and we would find her. Ah! Luck was with us. She was crossing a river. She turned at the sound of our approach and snarled baring her teeth and shot across the river headed towards the Quileute border where we wouldnt be able to reach her.

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Once she crossed the border she would be out of our reach. We were forbidden by treaty to cross onto their lands. Dammit! We had to catch her. She danced along the line not yet crossing. Her eyes darting rapidly from face to face of every one of my family members but her eyes rested upon me and stayed there. She smiled vindictively and bared her teeth. Her full lips curling back as she growled at me. I will have her death . . . this isnt the end. She whispered silkily in a high voice. Oh, you will never get close enough to try.I snarled back at her and she smiled. Launching herself across the border and continued running. Dammit! I swore. I cant believe she got away again! We will catch her, Edward. Carlisle said trying to reassure me but it wasnt working. Hey, Im just as disappointed as you are, Bro. I was looking forward to this fight. Emmett muttered glumly and Rosalie just glared at him. Come on, lets go home. Esme murmured touching my face. I nodded in defeat. I had to see Bella and ascertain that she was well. I think Ill go hunt, I lied smoothly. Take my mind of things. Alice eyed me suspiciously but otherwise made no remarks. Rosalie merely shrugged and held Emmetts hand securely as they turned to go home. Well see you at home, Edward. Esme murmured.

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Say hi to Bella for me! Alice sang through her thoughts. I fought back a smile at her enthusiasm. I ran to Forks and scaled the side of Bellas window. The sun was setting so I wouldnt attract any attention. Not that there was anyone in this vicinity that would see me. Bella lay in her bed, a crease lining her forehead. A sign of worry. She was reading a book. Wuthering Heights. Again. She must really like that book though I couldnt fathom why because the characters were malignant for the most part. Bella, I whispered softly as to not startle her. She flipped her book close and jumped off her bed. Edward! Youre here! she whispered smiling genially. Bella, I have to tell you something. Victoria . . . shes . . . I started. Shes back, she nodded. I know . . . the news . . . it was obvious. I should have guessed that she already knew. Very potent intuition. We chased her all the way to the Quileute border but we lost her from there. Were not allowed to. . . You chased her? she asked horrified. Are you okay? Are you hurt? I huffed, Im fine. You shouldnt worry about me. Youre the one that shes after. I said grimly. I dont care. Are you sure youre okay. She was looking me over. Making sure that I wasnt merely appeasing her. Im okay, really. I assured her.

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Wait . . . did you say you chased her to the Quileute border? I nodded. Jake! she whispered almost inaudibly. I have to call him. To warn him. Im sure that he already knows. I said as he headed for the phone. You only need to worry about yourself. Shell be back, Bella. She shuddered delicately. I embraced her trying vainly to keep her safe in the circle of my arms. Ill take care of you Bella. She wont touch you. Edward . . . dont endanger your life for me. Im not worth the effort. She sniffed, tear in her throat. I pulled her away to get a look at her face and glowered at her, Dont ever say that! You are worth it! You are worth everything. And Im not risking my life. I will keep you safe, Bella. I pulled her to me again and she closed her eyes against my chest, the tears falling. I love you. I whispered in her ear. She blushed and looked up into my eyes. Her eyes swimming in moisture. I love you, too. She whispered brokenly. Oh, by the way, Alice said hi. I chuckled. Bella laughed too. Ive missed her. she smiled, reminiscent. Shell be ecstatic to hear that! I laughed again.

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13. CHOICE

Victoria was gone. For now. She would be back. It didnt matter that Edward and I were far from reconciliation, she would still try to kill me to avenge her mates death. Very rarely I wondered if my life would have been easier, simpler if I hadnt met Edward. Then I realized that it wouldnt have been a very great life. I could never regret meeting him or falling so madly in love with him because it gave my life meaning. He gave my life meaning and purpose. I was headed nowhere really until I was propelled into the bizarre beautiful world of this amazing creature. Exquisite beyond compare and a soul that could never be matched. His kindness, his love, his selflessness. You could never have found his equal throughout eternity. Edward was one of a kind. I still could never get used to his perfection. The way when he spoke, the sound of his voice alone would send my heart into a flurry. Oh and his eyes! Their golden depths smoldered with so much fervor and earnest emotion. Jacob. I couldnt regret meeting Jake either. Meeting him gave me the greatest friend that I could ever have. Someone who knew the real me and understood me so entirely. Someone that I could trust and depend on. Jacobs the kind of friend that every person wished they had. Someone with a kind heart and a warm smile that sheltered me in my darkest hours and kept me safe. Who would risk his life to protect me.

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Someone that even though I was mangled beyond compare with grief over losing my love, loved me anyway and stood by me. How could I choose between these two amazing creatures? When I didnt deserve either of them. Ive treated them both so egregiously. Taken them for granted. Such good fortune that they both loved me more than could ever imagine. I sighed as I sat in my room trying to make a decision that I felt would kill me. Jake risking his life to protect me from Victoria. Running around day and night, barely sleeping just to make sure that I was safe. And Edward. He too was looking out for me. Trying to track down Victoria with the help of his brothers Emmett and Jasper. Maybe I would get lucky and Victoria would kill me before I made a decision. Avoid a fallout. I sighed again. I should be so lucky. It was roughly ten at night and I was still lying in bed unable to fall asleep. When sleep finally came, I dreamed. It was Edward and I in the meadow that first time. The first time he held me. The way I felt. Our first kiss. I woke up the next morning with the tears streaming down my face. ~*~*~*~*~ I was going insane being away from Bella. Victoria was still out there, hunting her. I snarled under my breath. She would never get close enough to Bella. She would not have the satisfaction.

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She would die and it would be by no ones hands but my own. I will end this. Victoria will perish for even thinking about hurting Bella. How stupid I was for leaving Bella alone all this time. I couldnt believe I was idiotic enough to not even consider the danger I was leaving her to face. Leaving her with no protection. It was sheer luck that the werewolves got involved. I would owe the dog for protecting Bella in my absence. He took care of her. And as much as I want to hate him, I cant. Not after all hes done for her. How could I not expect him to fall in love with her? Being around her was contagious. You just wanted to remain there and never leave her. But I did leave. Fool! I cant blame either of them for something that I was responsible for. I would never forgive myself for leaving her. Never. How little I deserved someone as good as her. I wasnt worthy of her love. Not after everything I put her through. I hurt her so much. Thinking of her anguish makes me cringe internally. I disgust myself thinking of how much pain I inflicted. Knowing that I caused her more grief when I left than when I was here with her. How could this ever be made right? ~*~*~*~*~ The choice is clear. There is no evasion. I can't believe I let this elude me for so long. It was staring me point blank in the face all along. And by ignoring it to feed my own selfish ego. My own selfish needs, I've created such a mess of his life.

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He loves me and I played with that love. I always knew in my heart where my future lied. And by denying it, I've hurt the person that loves me and cares so much about me that he would risk his life to protect me from rogue vampires. I have to tell him and it's not going to be easy. But I owe him this. I owe him the truth. I do love him and it's no ones fault. Love happens. But he deserves better than this. Better than me. I am not worthy of such a person. Moment of truth . . . ~*~*~*~*~ Edward! Emmett called to me urgently. I scanned his thoughts to source his haste. I became livid as I saw what he was thinking. She tried to get to Forks again. Jasper and I tried to block her but she took off. The wolves were on her trail as well. But shes really good at evasion. My upper lip curled in ferocity. Victoria was still trying to get to Bella. She was testing our defenses. I finally made myself speak, How far did you chase her? My words were a growl. We chased her all the way to the Canadian border. She kept going from there, he shared through his thoughts. He was miffed. He didnt like losing. Not that they lost but thats what it felt like to him. Well get her, Em. Shes not getting anywhere near Forks or Bella. Just the thought of Bella being hurt by Victoria sent me into near convulsions. Calm down, man. We got your back and she will not be able to elude us for long. Not with the wolves after her too. I was comforted by this. She wouldnt get through to Forks, not with Alice watching and the wolves making themselves useful.

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Just a matter of time and she would be dealt with. I reveled in the fact that I would have the satisfaction of tearing her limb from cold hard limb and setting her aflame. None of us are willing to risk Bella. We will stop her. Alice is keeping an eye on Bella. She will be safe with her watching. He could tell how tense I was and he was trying to placate me. I know, Em. Just the thought of her anywhere near Bella drives me insane. He nodded, I know. I know how I would feel if it were Rose. He patted my shoulder and walked away leaving me to my thoughts. I went outside ready to run through the thickets of the dense forest just to check on Bella but Alice stopped me with the only thing that would be reassuring now. Shes safe. Im watching. She called softly from the front porch. Thank you. I whispered feeling defeated. I just wished that Bella was here with me. I missed her so much. Anytime. And I miss her, too I smiled with some effort. ~*~*~*~*~ I sat in my truck for a long time. What was I really going to say? I hadnt thought any of this through. I sighed. Whether I thought about it or not was irrelevant. There was just breaking a good heart to attend to now and there was nothing that I could think of that would ever make this easier. I was a horrific person who hurt the ones that she loved just like Cathy from Wuthering Heights. I didnt want to be like her. I could be so much better than that.

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Still, a choice was imminent. It had to be made and I had done it. I had chosen my true love. He was where my future lied. He was my forever. He was the one that I could not and would not live without. My truck started with a deafening roar and I reversed out of the drive way to tell him my choice . . .

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14. Truth

Knock. Knock. Knock. "Bella?" Jacob, I breathed. I could feel the tears coming. We need to talk. Can we go somewhere? Sure Bells. He closed the door behind him and he drove. We sat in silence. I was still unclear on how I was going to do this. Either way I was going to break his heart. I drove slowly and I was pondering how I was going to say this. Jacob was going to be so hurt. My heart was squeezing in my chest and I could hardly breathe. I never wanted to hurt him. I love him and he would always be my best friend. No one had a better friend than me but after this I doubted that I would still have even that much of him. I was going to break his heart. It was foolish of me to think that hed remain friends with me after that. Jacob didnt say much. He mostly looked ahead but when glanced up at his face I could see that there was a play of emotions. Confusion and pain. Mostly pain. Did he know what was coming? I feel wretched about this entire situation and I cant deny that its my fault that it escalated to this point. That I was the one who caused him so much pain. I chose him and now what was I doing? Going back on that choice and choosing the bloodsucker that he hated.
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Bella . . . where are we going really? he finally said breaking the silence. Um . . . the beach? I tried to steady my voice but the words still came out cracked and strangled. O-Kay, he dragged out the word not convinced. When we reached the beach, I stopped the truck but made no move to leave. Jacob opened the door and got out. He walked to the beach and paced back and forth sometimes pausing to watch the ocean in all its magnificence. The seagulls swooping in for the fish. The fisherman trying to catch their livelihood. I couldnt leave him just standing there. Who knew what possibilities were running through his mind right at this moment? He must be so curious, so confused. I slowly opened my door and met him on the beach. He didnt even turn to look at my arrival. He just continued to stare at the ocean. I stood behind him, waiting for him to turn. Maybe it would be better this way because if I saw his face, looked into his eyes, I would never be able to do this. He didnt deserve this and I was very sure that after this, I had lost my best friend for good. He would want nothing to do with me. I wouldnt want anything to do with me. Slowly he turned and faced me, Bella, whats going on? Just please tell me before I lose my nerve. Its driving me crazy. Jacob . . . you told me to think. Ive thought and please believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you at all. This was going to kill me. I had only gotten out one sentence and the tears were already choking me. Realization came into his eyes as he grasped what I was saying. He couldnt look me in the eyes. He tried to look anywhere else. He bit down hard on his lip and I

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presumed it was because he was trying to suppress some emotion. Trying to hide his affliction. Bella . . . he whispered brokenly. I know. . . I love you, too. I whispered the tears thick in my throat cutting my air. His brows creased. He huffed a hard sigh and looked at his feet, Well . . . I told you to choose and you did. He swallowed hard. I guess I shouldnt be surprised, he shrugged. I always knew that you still loved him. And a part of me knew that I didnt really have you because you still belonged with him. He had your heart and it wasnt fully mine. Jacob . . . I reached for his hand and he stepped away turning his back on me. It hurt. More than it should. The tears started trickling down my face. Its fine Bella. Dont worry about me. I will be fine. He was trying to be brave but I could hear the tears brewing behind his words and deduced that he turned away to hide his face that would betray the pain that he was feeling. I know its ridiculous of me to ask to still have your friendship after what Ive done but youre my best friend despite everything else and I dont think that I could get anyone better. No one knows me the way you do, Jake. But it is vain of me to hope that this friendship would survive such a fatal blow. Im sorry . . . for everything. Jake didnt even move. Didnt look at me. I turned to leave. Id caused enough damage. It was time that I left him alone. He was too good for this type of betrayal and lack of consideration.

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Dont be sorry, Bella. he stopped me putting a hand on my shoulder. The tears flowed fierce and hot down my cheeks and I couldnt move. I still love you . . . that will never change. His voice broke. A sob broke in my own chest and turned and embraced him tightly. I wasnt silently weeping anymore. I was bawling and crying, grasping at Jakes t-shirt and staining it with my tears. Oh Jake . . . Im . . . so . . . sorry . . . please . . . believe m-me. I croaked between sobs. Shh . . . its okay Bella. Jake rubbed my back. He was comforting me. This wasnt right. I had just broken his heart and he was comforting me. How selfish was I? I should be detained. Dont cry . . . please Bella. I sniffled and pulled away, drying my eyes with the back of my hands. I cant believe that Im the one crying. . . Im such an idiot. Jake was shaking his head, No youre not. Youre a great person and still the girl I l-- Its okay, I said clearing my voice Because I still love you, too. He pulled me into his arms and pressed his warm lips against mine and I let him. This was very nearly goodbye and who knew if we would ever see each other again. If he would ever forgive me. He was composed but I sensed the storm beneath the calm. He was demolished and try as he may, he couldnt hide that from me. I knew what I had done. It was bad but it had to be done in order to let me be with the one that I wanted forever. Edward Cullen.

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I should go, I whispered when he released me. He nodded. Ill miss you. I really hope that youll forgive me. He just stared at me wordlessly. His eyes were swimming in moisture. I got in my truck and I couldnt fight the tears. I looked in my rearview mirror but I couldnt see Jake anywhere then I heard a howl in the distance and it choked out a gurgle. He was suffering. I had done that.

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15. Only You. Always

I cried the entire way to Edwards big white house on the river. When I reached I met Carlisle at the door and he just looked at me and let me by. There was nothing but kindness in his golden eyes. I ran up the stairs to the third floor where Edwards room was located. As I swung myself into the doorway I was breathing hard. I saw him. His back was turned to me. I couldnt see his face. The tears were still wet on my face and I couldnt make them stop. I tried to find my voice but nothing would come. I was still gasping for air. I fought and won control of myself. Time to be with my beloved . . . ~*~*~*~*~*~ Edward? I heard that beautifully familiar voice sounding out of breath and turned around and saw her. She had tears streaming down her face, her dark hair in disarray as she called out to me. Bella . . . What happened? I was alarmed at the way she looked. Had she been harmed? I . . . made . . . my . . . choice. She said raggedly and out of breath. You did? I couldnt breathe. I wasnt breathing. And, I whispered almost inaudibly. What is it? She simply reached her hand up and pointed her finger at me.
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If I had a heartbeat, it would have picked up and exploded out of my chest. I chose you. She whispered with the tears falling over her lips. I love you. And I cant live without you, Edward. You are my forever. She said brokenly. And if I had a heartbeat, it would have stopped. I felt as if I could cry, too. She was finally mine. And she wanted me. Forever. She was walking towards me now slowly. She looked as if shed run here. I pulled her into my arms and held her up. She took my face into her hands. You and only you, Edward. Only you. Always. You are my life, Bella. My forever. I love you. As I love you, She murmured. And she kissed me. Pressing her soft, warm lips against the cold marble hardness of mine. There was nothing in this world to encompass these feelings. I could feel the soft suppleness of her full lips. Warm and so fragrant. The blood flowing subtly under her lips. Her erratic breathing and thudding pulse hammering through her neck and heart. The scent coming off her neck was maddening with its potency. I could almost taste her blood through the flavor coming off her mouth. My cold hand could feel the warmth of the blood flushing her cheeks, her skin turning a rosy luscious red. My throat was in flames but that was the extent of it. Because I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't hurt her without hurting myself. Id gladly take the burn because it would mean keeping her and that was all that mattered. She was all that made it worth it.

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Her tongue traced the shape of my lips and she moaned softly. That sound made my breath become louder and heavier and awoke a forgotten element of my human core. Bella was finally mine. She was in my arms and there she would remain forever. My Bella. My one and only love. When she released my lips, she rested her head against my chest breathing softly and steadily. I just held her because right in this moment I was home. I was where I belonged with this human girl. This girl that I would always love for the rest of my existence. And the most brilliant thing was that she loved me just the same that I loved her. She wanted me and only me. I knew this couldnt have been an easy choice but she loved me enough that she made it. Alice bounced into the room now. She couldnt help her exuberance and she tried but failed and radiated smugness at the turnout of events. Bella! she sang and threw herself at us and embraced us both. The entire family came downstairs now and they were all smiling even Rosalie. Bella released me and embraced Alice fully, Ive missed you, Alice! she cried. And I have missed you, my friend. Alice smiled. Carlisle and Esme both embraced Bella as well, Welcome home, dear. Esme murmured in utmost happiness against Bellas hair. It hasnt been the same without you here, Carlisle whispered.

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Emmett grabbed Bella up into a bear hug and spun her around, taking her feet off the floor. Great to have you back. Jasper kept his distance though and smiled at her with warmth and nodded. Rosalie even managed to smile back at Bella. She still wasnt very fond of her but she could see how happy I was and she smiled warmly at her, for my sake. This behavior was making Rosalie very tolerable and less of the nuisance she usually was to me. Bella looked at me in surprise at Rosalies warmth and I smiled back at her because even if Rosalie had continued her callousness towards Bella, there was nothing that could penetrate the mood that I was in. I dont think anyone could be as happy as I was right now. After some time with my family, Bella and I skipped out for some privacy. We sat in the meadow, lying on our backs, my arm around Bellas shoulders hugging her to me. We still have a problem though, she whispered. I became immobile and stopped breathing, I know . . . but dont worry . . . Victoria will be taken care of. She wont ever hurt you. I wont let her. She laughed nervously, Um . . . even though that is a problem, that wasnt what I was referring to. My dad doesnt know anything of whats been going on. I dont think he even knows that you all are back. Because if he does, he hasnt mentioned it. Right . . . youre dad would hate me. Not that I blame him . . . I deserve his revolt.

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Hes not going to be very happy about this but I cant keep it from him regardless. We have to tell him. Yes we do. Telling Charlie Swan that Bella and I were together again was going to be problematic. He wouldnt want me anywhere near his only daughter. He probably loathes me not that I care about that because once Bella cared for me it didnt matter what anyone else thought. But he was her father and I respected him. Respected and marveled at how much he loved his daughter though he never let it slip in their conversations. His thoughts echoed this deep emotion. It would be terribly rude and unfair not to let him know what was going on. After all . . . it isnt as if I didnt deserve anything he threw at me. I broke Bellas heart. It is only natural that he would dislike me. Not that he liked me very much before I left but he was trying . . . for Bellas sake because he didnt want to lose her. Bella laid in my arms . . . her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. She looked so appealing and not in the way that made venom flow in my mouth but to make me want to touch those exquisitely soft lips with mine and crush them hoping that they could fuse together and never let us part. I wanted to hold her delicate frame in my arms and bow her body against mine and trail kisses down her perfumed neck breathing in her flowery scent. My hands ached to shape into the curve of her cheekbones and trail down the length of her collarbone and her body and unite us as one never having to let go. This was a hunger. A desire for Bella physically. It had happened before but never to this

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magnitude. However I couldnt do that. She was too soft. Too fragile and breakable. I had to mind my actions so I wouldnt hurt her. As it was, I did lean in and pressed my cool lips to hers and her hand reached up instantly to secure my face to hers. Her lips so soft under mine, curved into a smile as she pulled back and stared into my eyes. I love you, she murmured with deep emotion rubbing her smooth warm thumb against my cheek and kissing me again. I love you too, I whispered my lips brushing against hers. She trembled and she breathed out raggedly. Her warm aromatic breath caressing my open lips and seeping in setting my throat aflame. But it was easier to ignore than I ever thought possible because all I could think about was out bodies pressed against each others and the taste of her warm lips against the coolness of mine. We didnt even talk about what occurred with her and the werewolf. How he must be feeling now. I felt some sympathy for him. All hed done was love her and I couldnt hate him for that. Who wouldnt fall in love with such a beautiful soul? But she was my Bella. She was my soul mate. Soul mate. Ironic that I would use that term to sum up what we were. When the discussion of my having a soul was still unresolved. I smiled wryly to myself. My other half that completed me in a way I never thought possible. For so long I thought that I would always remain alone because there was no one that I encountered that could really complete who I was. Watching Carlisle and Esme and how much they loved each other even decades later. Watching the love between Rosalie and Emmett and Alice and Jasper. They

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were all couples that loved each other fiercely and I thought that I would never have that. Even Tanya striking as she was . . . as much as she wanted me. . . I didnt want her because she wasnt what I was looking for. And it was no fault of hers. But Bella . . . she was it. She was that other half. My better half. The one that completed my person and made me love in a way that was so irrevocable, so intense. Nothing and no one could tear her away from me. Because she was mine as I was hers and would always be. My Bella. She was staring into my eyes now with wonder and elation and I didnt have to read her thoughts to know that she was thinking the same thing that I was. Then her face altered and her forehead creased. I smoothed it out with my fingers frowning. What had spoiled her good mood? We need to go, she whispered. I have to tell Charlie. I nodded. She wouldnt feel comfortable not letting her father know. She wasnt the lying type. One of the qualities that I saw when I stopped that van from crushing her a few years back. I cringed minutely as I remembered how she had almost died right in front my eyes.

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16. Together Again. I drove her home and her father was perched on the sofa watching sports as per usual. His thoughts were calm. He was engrossed in the game. I let Bella enter first, alone to give her a head start on the explanation that we hadnt discussed. Dad, she approached him and sat on the handle of the sofa. Her tone caught his attention and he muted the game. Bells, what is it? You look pale. It was true. Bellas face was bone white probably guessing her fathers response to her next words. Edwards back, she blurted out and flinched waiting for him to say something or for him to yell. I scanned his thoughts but they were incoherent, I could catch nothing of substance. But I could read the tenor of them though. He was furious. He tried for calm when he answered though. Bella was very much like her father in some ways, speaking in a manner as to make others comfortable, to please them. Hes back? What do you mean hes back? he asked suspiciously. Bella swallowed audibly and whispered almost disjointedly, The Cullens are back in town.

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He merely shrugged which was not at all what Bella expected, It doesnt really matter if theyre back because its not as if youll be seeing them. I mean you and Jake are together now. Things are better. Everything is good. He spoke as if he was trying to convince himself and the irritation in him dialed down a notch. Jacob and I . . . broke up, Dad. He probably doesnt want to see me ever again. She whispered with pain in her voice. Her head bowed with anguish and guilt. He looked at her now in surprise, Broke up? What do you mean you broke up? he was standing up now, pacing. This was the most animated and most emotional I had ever seen the Police Chief of Forks. But Billy and I were talking just a few days ago about how happy you two were and Billy said that Jake was in love. Did you not love him, too? Is that what happened? he was trying to make sense of this. No thats not it. I did love Jacob. I do love him. I just . . . she couldnt go on. Its okay Bella; if it wasnt right then it wasnt right. Dont worry kiddo. These things happen and Im sure that Jake will speak to you again. I mean the Blacks are our family and you and Jake are such good friends. Im sure everything will be forgiven in no time. He reached over and embraced her. Bella hugged him back but the hard part was coming and I hated that she had to do it alone. I should be in there with her when she told him. But if she needed me she would let me know. Dad, she whispered cracked, pulling out of the embrace. Edward and I are together again.

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What?! he bellowed. The sound reverberated against the walls. It was time to intervene. Charlie.I said walking into the living room and taking Bellas hand. You! He stared at me darkly. How dare you show up here after what youve done? All youve put her through. You have some nerve kid. Im sorry Charlie but I love Bella and she loves me, Charlie glanced at Bella. Please for her sake just give me another chance. Bella let go of my hand and she walked up to her father and took his. Dad, Edward and I want to be together. Please for me. Give him a chance. Because he means a lot to me. I dont like this, Bella. He had calmed down some. You dont have to dad because we want to be together and nothing is going to get in the way of that. And I would really appreciate it if you could be understanding and be okay with this. Charlie just glowered at me for half a second and stormed off into the kitchen. Bella breathed a sigh of release. Whoa, glad thats over with. Lets go. Where are we going? To your house? I want to see Alice. She will be really happy when she sees us coming. I laughed.
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Bella laughed too and reached up to me. I kissed her softly and thrilled to the fact that I had my love with me forever.

Written by:CandyK For myself only!

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