without rungs a ladder

EXPLORING METAPHORS OF TRAUMA

People who face hardship and trauma often use metaphors to describe their experiences. They are trying to express the unimaginable, the inexpressible, and so must draw upon comparisons to other, more expressible, realities. Some say that the journey from trauma to transcendence requires one to change metaphors: to identify the metaphors of hurt and loss that dominate their lives, and to find new metaphors of hope and wholeness that will guide them into the future.

Metaphor, in short, plays an important role in making sense out of hardship and finding ways to transcend it. This exhibit explores metaphors of suffering and trauma from both sides of crime: metaphors used by survivors of violent crime to express their experiences, and metaphors used by life-sentenced prisoners to describe the sentences they are serving.

Photographs and interviews by Howard Zehr from the books Transcending: Reflections of Crime Victims, and Doing Life: Reflections of Men and Women Serving Life Sentences. Paintings and reflections by Manas Ghanem and Judah Oudshoorn. Thanks to Kate Kessler for her advisory role in this project.

FACING LIFE AFTER VIOLENCE:

The men and women in this section are survivors of violent crimes. This part of the exhibit focuses on their metaphors of trauma and loss. Further reflections on their journeys to transcend this trauma may be found in the book, Transcending: Reflections of Crime Victims (Good Books).

For me, the principle virtue in life is courage. I live life like a soldier in battle. I have to charge up the hill against darkness, human viciousness, ignorance. Im a soldier for peace.
Josephs sister, with whom he was very close, was murdered. Although the family is certain that the murderer was her husband, the state has never been able to prove it.

Joseph Baretta

We will face difficulties in life and in our journey towards transcending. We should believe and be guided by the light: the limit is the sky. Our journey towards peace, home, God, truth and reconciliation is scary and so difficult. However, we keep moving on with courage. Pain and fear should not stand in our way. Lots of paths are available but they are hidden. We only need to start the journey and find our way against the darkness.
Manas Ghanem

Leland Kent

Offenders make a ripple in someones life, but have no clue about the damage theyve done. And their lives mean nothing to the criminal justice system either. It is so important to tell the truth. Thats what the book I wrote is aboutgetting the Leland first learned he had a brother when he was 19. Five years later, his brother cleansing through the truth.... Writing that book cleansed me and made me feel whole. was murdered. I am a victim and I am a triumphant survivor. At first I was really a zombie, a walking dead woman. Now Im alive.
Sandys abusive ex-husband stalked her and shot her in the face with a shotgun.

Sandy tells us the story of a walking dead woman turned triumphant survivor. Despite all the pain and the trauma, she is still amazingly strong, beautiful and authentic. It reminds me of gold that does not lose its true value no matter what happens. The golden color is a life full of hope, care, and it is welcoming but it is still okay to feel pain. It takes time to recover and put yourself together! But it is time to get up and reclaim your life.
Manas Ghanem

Sandra Murphy

I cant reorder anything because if I did, I would just pick up the scrambled pieces and put them back in order. Its more like all the rungs on a ladder are removed. Im at the bottom and have to start all over. You build, you create a new life. I have a couple of pieces from my old life that I have to fit in.
Lynns children, Jen and Dave, were murdered by her ex-husband on Christmas eve. He then killed himself.

What if you were violently shoved into the lowest, darkest of depths? And what if there was a ladder before you, offering a way out? But what if it was a ladder without rungs? For some, this is not a what ifit is a reality. While contemplating this I came across a tree in Virginia that reminded me of this poignant metaphor. Cutting back and forth across the path leading up to this tree were countless shadows of other trees, almost appearing like tangled ladder rungs. Yet they were only shadows creating a confusing facade. Looking up from these pretentious shapes I saw this tree. A glorious tree. A ladder. A way out of the shadows. The branches were inviting, eagerly awaiting grasping hands followed by lively feet, saying, come out of the shadows and climb. However, as I came closer to the tree I realized climbing would not be wise for the branches were not secure; rather, they were

Lynn Shiner
already cracked and broken in numerous places. Stepping on the branches would have resulted in another violent fall, a tumble back into the shadows. This tree is, for me, a ladder without rungs.
Judah Oudshoorn

At first, grief is so heavy and dark that you just want to get away from it. Then you understand that the grief is not ever leaving you. Finally, youve carried it so long that you dont notice it. You are like one of those ladies from Africa with the pots on her head: she carries a massive pot so well that she doesnt even notice it anymore. I found when the girls died, everything was peeled away and I had no excuses. Im stripped down to the bare bones and yet I sense that in the tragedy, Ive been given an opportunity. Great, now Ive got to feel good about this. There is a God, I swear there is. He will help you find your way, but you gotta look for it. You gotta scratch it out, but hell help you.
Barbaras two teenage daughters, along with two other teenage girls, were found naked and bound in the charred remains of a yogurt shop where several of them worked.

Barbara Ayres

Despite a great deal of pain, and the heavy burden of grief that she has, her strength keeps pushing her to move on through the difficulties. The African ladies walk with the massive heavy burdens over their heads, but it does not seem like a big deal for themthey barely notice it. They are facing the challenges of life with pride and confidence. The pain and grief that we carry should not prevent us from moving forward. The light is the sign for us to keep hoping and to find peace.
Manas Ghanem

Metaphor painting for Barbara and Lynn

As I stood at the bottom of this incredible waterfall, I was struck by the power of the water. It arrives from one river, yet descends the rock in a multitude of directions. The water cuts its own path. Over time, the water has found many routes down the side of the cliff, even carving new ways when one is blocked. In a way, bit by bit, it is scratching the way into and through the rock. It is finding new ways of being and journeying. As I look at this painting, I imagine myself to be the tree: intrigued by the water but still distant from it. I am leaning towards the water. What is the water saying? I must get closer. I want to hear the water. Where is the water going? I must get closer. I want to see the paths that it is taking and to ultimately journey alongside it to where it ends up. What will it take to uproot myself and move in this direction?
Judah Oudshoorn

There is a certain worldview that speaks of bonds between human beings; that is, it suggests that humanity is interconnected. A common adage of this worldview is that the harm of one is the harm of all; put another way, what happens to individuals has an effect on communities as well. People who have been victims of violent crime speak of extreme isolation following these tragic experiences. The event itself, compounded by lack of community care, creates a great deal of pain. So, the tree in this painting stands alone. No one can fully comprehend its pain. Pain is so fierce that the bark has peeled away from the tree, leaving it stripped to the bone. It is fully exposed. Beyond voyeuristic curiosity, does anyone want to at least try to understand its trauma? Does anyone want to address its needs? The painting leaves this question unresolved. What is clear is that the harm of this one tree the dark shadowsreaches the at-a-distance community of trees. Indeed, the shadows are long in this painting. They stretch almost from one edge to the other and even start in places outside the borders of the canvas.
Judah Oudshoorn

Metaphor painting for Barbara and Lynn

Offenders make a ripple in someones life, but have no clue about the damage theyve done. And their lives mean nothing to the criminal justice system either.
Leland first learned he had a brother when he was 19. Five years later, his brother was murdered.

Leland Ken

The blazing light of a setting sun touches everything in its line of sight. Evidence of it shows in clouds, in trees and likewise across water. Clouds that are normally grey include yellows. Trees of green show orange and the usual blue of water is wrinkled with red. Far away from the sun itself, many other forms reflect its fiery glow. Offenders make a ripple in someones life. The trauma of being the victim of a violent crime is searing like a setting sun. It touches many areas of a persons life, rippling out from the event itself. People victimized frequently speak of physical harms and even

beyond to worldviews being shattered and emotions disrupted. I wanted to paint a scene that is typically viewed as beautiful. But rather than only express this, I wanted it to also represent the ugly, the painful. I find so much of life to be a paradox: joy wrapped up with sorrow, healing at the same time as hurting, and hope in the midst of despair. I believe Leland Kent sums this up in part when he says he gets joy out of helping people when they are most vulnerable, because he has personally experienced how offenders make a ripple in someones life.
Judah Oudshoorn

Youve just completed this beautiful puzzle. All of a sudden, someone comes along and just swishes it off the table and you have to start putting it back together. Then theres a piece missing that you just cant find anywhere.... Im a butterfly person, just flapping my wings and going. Now Im hoping to make a difference in peoples lives. Ive gotten involved in victim services because.... Im hoping to make a difference in someones life, not by giving advice, but by walking through it with them, by being a leaning post.
Joannes sister was killed by a drunken driver, a repeat offender.

Joanne Vog

The butterfly is a survivor. It faces the world with all the charm of its beauty, flapping its wings in the face of lifes difficulties and problems. It travels, crossing vast spaces and distances toward light and hope. The journey can lead to other horizons that are much brighter and prettier than what it experienced before. The butterfly remains beautiful; its beauty forces whoever sees it to think with hope. It leaves a smattering of smiles on tired faces.
Manas Ghanem

FACING A LIFE SENTENCE:

The men and women in this section were convicted of being directly or indirectly involved in a murder. They are now serving life sentences; they have virtually no possibility of being released. Many came to prison when they were quite young. Most have been in for many years. This part of the exhibit focuses on their experiences of life sentences. Other issues they discussed may be found in the book, Doing Life: Reflections of Men and Women Serving Life Sentences (Good Books).

The sentence of life without parole is nothing short of execution by installment, the death penalty in slow motion.... Every time I watch the space shuttle go up, I think of taking a walk in space and being left up there, waiting for time to end. Thats what a life sentence is like.
Tyrone began his life sentence in 1976.

Tyrone Werts

Its a slow, torturous death.... I look at the electric chair as more humane than being tortured like this. Yet I dont believe in the death penalty because its got to stop somewhere. Violence doesnt solve anything.
Benjamins life sentence began in 1976.

Benjamin VelasQuez

Metaphor painting for Tyrone and Benjamin

Slowly, steadily, viciously, over time, a magnificent rock can be broken apart and reduced piece-by-piece to indecipherable rubble. This is nothing short of execution by installment. Rains come and erode the rock. The ground freezes, plant life dies, the rock shifts, cracks and

slowly breaks apart. For the rock, it is a slow, torturous death. And it does not end until every last bit is crushed. This painting has dull qualities: there is very little color and the subjectthe rockis portrayed from a tedious angle. For me, this drabness represents hopelessness. In addition there are frustrating features to this painting: shapes and lines are blurred, and foreground merges with background in an almost two-dimensional fashion. This speaks to anguish. Hopelessness and anguish: two life-taking emotions for those serving life sentences. Significantly, by installment usually means something being received (in exchange for payments). On the contrary, the outcome of execution by installment is something takena life. No, it is not the death penalty per se; nonetheless, according to Tyrone Werts it is the death penalty in slow motion, a slow, torturous death.
Judah Oudshoorn

A life sentence is a glass bottle. Youre planted in this foreign soil, this cultural abyss. They want you to grow, but in growing, if you arent careful, you begin to take the shape and form of your environment. One of my proudest accomplishments is that I have managed to grow without taking the shape of my environment.
Bettys life sentence began in 1984.

Betty Hero

Lifers exist in prison as if in dark glass bottles. They were put there once, a long time ago, and will stay there forever. We dont know what is going on in there. We label the bottles as bad or dangerous and forget about the person. We forget about the human being inside. My soul is green and is growing out of the bottle towards light. Light is hopehope that someone will care, that someday I will be able to right what I did wrong and contribute to my community. It is so hard to see light in here, it is just too dark. But am I dreaming again? Is it a real string of light that my soul is following? Or is it an illusion created in my imagination to hang on to?
Manas Ghanem

Its like fishing. The river looks calm and you forget to drop anchor. You dont realize your boat has started to drift into rapids. Then you get stuck in a whirlpool. You get sucked under and then come back to the surface. Other people go by and they miss it, but youre stuck in that whirlpool. Just about the time you think youll be able to break free of this, the water sucks you right back.
Marilyn began her life sentence in 1973. She was originally sentenced to death.

As I look at this painting I am drawn to the place where the waterfall collides with the river. Indeed, our eye is often pulled towards the place of greatest contrast in an image. Water is at times beautiful and peaceful, yet it can also be extremely murky and violent. It takes on many contrasting forms: water is deafening while other times inaudible, rapidly flowing yet sometimes still, liberating and also entrapping, life-giving and life-taking. Marilyn Dobrolenski evocatively describes the trauma of a life sentence in terms of the darker, crueler side of water. She says it is like getting stuck in a whirlpool. As a whirlpool viciously pulls one towards it, similarly Gaye Morley suggests that serving a life sentence is like a vacuum: a process where everything is sucked out, leaving one with nothing. Nothing.
Judah Oudshoorn

Marilyn Dobrolensk
Metaphor painting for Marilyn and Gaye

A life sentence is a vacuum. Everything is trying to be sucked out of me, leaving me with nothing. I know I have to fight that. I have to create a whole world within myself and hopefully be able to spread that to those around me.
Gaye has been serving her life sentence since 1991.

Gaye Morle

Everything is just too huge and strong. The storm and the winds are blowing everything away. It is even trying to take life from this lonely tree. How long can this tree hang on like this? Wind is still blowing everything away, leaving a vacuum, nothing but a lonely tree that is trying to stay alive, holding onto some of its leaves and reaching out to light.
Manas Ghanem

Its a tunnel without light at the end. It just goes nowhere. An endless black hole that keeps sucking everything in.... What makes it tolerable is hope.... You cant exist without hope.
Bruce began his life sentence in 1982.

Bruce Bainbridg
Drain pipes are rarely noticed. I have walked by so many in my lifetime without acknowledging, let alone being aware, of them. I do not really consider this a faultdrain pipes are meant to be hidden, covertly tucked into landscapes so as not to be seen. Sometimes they are expediters of excess, sometimes of waste. Lifers are rarely noticed. Theirs is a world of drain pipes. People serving life sentences exist within a tunnel without light at the end, a place of no hope. Does living in such a place mean that these are a people without hope? Bruce Bainbridge still has hope: from within, and from friendships.

This, for him, is what makes an endless black hole that keeps sucking everything intolerable. This painting, for me, expresses human life interacting with systems. Sometimes systems are like rocks. They allow us blades of grassa concrete foundation to reach new heights together. Conversely, at times these rocks suffocate life, by blocking sunlight. Then there are drain pipes: systems that are like a tunnel without light at the end. How far down a drain pipe can grass grow?
Judah Oudshoorn

Its like a rabbit up in the corner that cant get out. It keeps trying, but eventually it just dies there. I was running wild, like an animal. I was violent because it seemed nobody understood me. I couldnt explain myself and it came out like violent storms. Then I started getting in touch with myself by being alone. Thats what made me happy, so I just stay alone.
Trinas life sentence began in 1977.

Trina Garnett

She has been staying there for so long, a rabbit in a corner. Her feet are blended with the floor. She lost her facial features, almost lost the color of life. She is so vulnerable. But what to do? There is no way out. Everything looks dark and there is nothing but memories that flash from the past. Wait, is there hope somewhere up there? Does someone recognize her sitting there in the corner?
Manas Ghanem

THE ARTISTS
Howard Zehr is Co-Director of the Center for Justice & Peacebuilding (CJP) at Eastern Mennonite University. Judah Oudshoorn is doing restorative justice work in Ontario, Canada with people who have committed sexual offenses. Manas Ghanem is working for the U.N. with refugees as a Protection Consultant in her home country of Syria, and around the Middle East. This exhibit was developed while Manas and Judah were completing their MA degrees at CJP.

ON METAPHOR
When lifer Irvin Moore says, A life sentence is like an insect encased in amber, the word like lets us know he is making a comparison. A life sentence and an insect in amber are not identical, but they have some things in common. He is using a simile or analogy to help us understand a life sentence. A metaphor also compares one thing to another, but the speaker does not say that it is a comparison. Instead, the speaker seems to equate the two, making one thing stand for another. When lifer Gaye Morley declares that A life sentence is a vacuum, she is using a metaphor. In this project we are using the term metaphor loosely, including all of these forms of comparison.

Distribution is made possible through Mennonite Central Committee. www.mcc.org