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IF ANYBODY ATTEMPTS TO COPY IT AND CLAIM IT AS THEIR OW N, ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET, PLEASE LET ME KNOW, OR LET SCRIBD KNOW! THANK YOU VERY MUCH PAGE 1 This journal is about the most incredible thing that has ever happened t o me- scary and beautiful and tragic all at once. Please take the time to read i t. Its about a young man named Michael and my search for the truth. I have turned to psychic boards and cards in my search and I have received AMAZING results! I would like to share those results here with you, and see what you think. I beli eve now more than ever in God, and in Heaven. This has filled me with a certain measure of peace and I really hope it does the same for you. PAGE 2 There was a young man on the street where I live. I didnt really know him but I saw him almos t every day. I had a huge crush on him but I hid it by being cool. He was beauti ful to me - blonde hair, blonde eyebrows and lashes, light eyes, he was just ado rable. He would hang around my street helping out his dad, who had an office th ere, and his uncle, who lived there. A horrible strange set of circumstances led to a falling out between my family and Michaels. We went through some extremely hard times. We moved a couple of times and I never saw again. He became so much a part of my inner life. I would look for him and ask about him, but to no avail . As the years went by I forgot somewhat about Michael, and I knew there was a g ood chance he was a part of what we went through. One day, in desperation for so me answers, I turned to a psychic circle board with letters and dates on it. I a lso began to do cards with letters and words on them, with a system that I KNEW was foolproof. This was when I got these startling answers from a spirit that ca lled himself Michael - the same young man that I used to see on my street - the sa me young man whose family had been so much a part of our lives. After the events of September 11, 2001, when the World Trade Towers were destroyed by terrorists , Michael warned of upcoming war. He warned that this was only the beginning, an d he cried. There is an after life awaiting us all, and glorious angels, Blessed Mother, Jesus and God, all the saints, and everyone we ever loved who died. Let this fill you with immeasurable peace and joy. No more fear. No more death. As my beautiful friend has so clearly informed me, THERE IS NO DEATH, ONLY TRANSFORM ATION. PAGE 3 God bless you all, whoever may be reading this. Please remember us. Please remember this story. Take the lessons in these pages and put them in you r hearts and souls forever. Never ever forget. PAGE 4 One day, I decided to sit down and get some answers from my cards. I used a system that I made up to assur e that it wasnt just coincidence or imagination. I did what some mediums think is a foolish or dangerous thing. I asked that if were a spirit, to come through me and give me answers using my body and my cards with his energy. On May 10, 2000 , I asked: Who are you, spirit? In a matter of SECONDS, the cards spelled out: I A M MIKE. I LIKE TO READ POEMS. I AM SAD. I DIED. (The cards would literally jump from the deck and from my hands to spell out these words and phrases) Are you Mi chael A? (I mentioned his first and last name) IT IS HE. I AM NOT FAST. (The car ds had been spelling words out slowly but steadily and sensibly. At another time when I asked this question, the cards spelled out Michaels full name) How did yo u die? I asked and I began to cry. ANA I AM OKAY, I AM OKAY (He calls me Ana, An , or sometimes Ang - Angela is my name) I was so emotional for a while that I co ntinued on another day. On May 11, 2000, I ask Michael, do you want to talk with me? HI What do you want to tell me? I LIVE TO BE ANA TRUE LOVE PAGE 5 On May 12, 2000, I ask what he wanted people to know. I OK. TELL THEM THAT MIKE BE LIKE A K ID AGAIN. LIKE KID. HAPPY Because you are in heaven? LOVE ANA - HAPPY LOVE. GOD LOVE ME. GOD TAKE ME. I HAD LIFE OF HUMILIATION. NOW SAFE. OK PAGE 6 During the month of May 2000 Michael told me so many things, some that broke my heart and o thers that stunned me. I could only get his messages in short childlike sentence s due to the limitations of the cards and other methods I began to use. I became more and more sure that this was Michael Still there lingered in the back of my mind some doubts. Was it my imagination, was I crazy? But I couldnt deny the way the cards spelled out words and sentences without any help from me. And they we re consistent. I knew practically nothing about Michael so I had no way to verif

y what he was telling me. Talking to his family was out of the question because of things that had happened. During May, Michael began to talk about how much he had liked me but had never shown it. He talked of taking pills while on earth, and of having physical problems that caused him a lot of pain. IN June of 2000 M ichael talked of being on a FARM. I LIVE ON A FARM. I LOVE TO BAKE PIES. You used to live on a farm, Michael? I asked. NO. I LIVE NOW ON A FARM. HERE. Once again I began to cry and doubt my sanity. Could it be true that heaven is just like he re, with farms? Over a few days in June, again Mike mentions his farm where there are SHEEP AND HORSES AND PIGS He also mentions he GROWS ORANGES - A TON! I had bough t a movie about the after life called WHAT DREAMS MAY COME with Robin Williams. I asked Mike if he liked it. I placed it on the floor on June 25, 2000, and did my cards. These cards fell on the movie: IM GLAD YOU STILL LOVE PAGE 7 During the ne xt few months and for 3 years Michael told me so many things. He still does. Eve ry day. Things about life in heaven, what it was like, what you went through, ho w it was different for everybody. He spoke of seeing angels and Jesus and bad en tities as well. I used to read books sometimes on spirituality but NOTHING prepa red me for this. One day in July he spelled out THEY HAVE CAKE HERE ANA! and again in September he spells playfully ANA THE CAKE HERE IS REAL! He is so consistent wi th his messages, it amazes me. I would forget about the subject of cake, and the next day or week or month he would bring it up, or his love of pie, without any prompting from me. His personality just shines through and touches my heart. PA GE 8 On January 21, 2001, I asked him about something that had happened to me ye ars ago, in 1985 or 1986. When I lived over my sisters house, in the attic, I saw Michael standing in the doorway of my room one night. He looked like he was in a light, and I could see every feature so clearly, even down to his blonde eyela shes and eyebrows! I thought I was hallucinating, but I realized my imagination could never be that good - I have NEVER pictured things or people clearly like t hat in my life. He disappeared, and I jumped out of bed to check the room! I was terrified! Michael, was that the night you died? I asked. SHIFTING. BE BEFORE I GO. SHIFT When I got mad at someone one day in February, Michael gently admonis hes me, FIX. GO FIX. BE NICE. LOVE. Should I apologize? I ask. YES! He instantly spells out without a moments hesitation. On March 25, 2001, something so cute ha ppened! I had a bad stomach ache and I was doing the cards and Michael spelled o ut quickly RICE. EAT RICE! I did, but later when I grabbed some cookies, he admo nished me. RICE, I TOLD YOU. PAGE 9 In July Michael spells out his favorite sing ers and music: J Geils, Janis Joplin, Jim Croce, and Bon Jovi. He also calls him self a PEST and I assured him that he wasnt! He tells me: TEACH WHAT I GIVE YOU I N THE CARDS. TELL MY STORY. In August he talks about his dad and the Mafia, how he couldnt trust anybody in his world . THERE BE A LOT I FORGIVE In September, on September 10, 2000, Michael tells me he SEES TAFFY. Thats my angora cat who died in 1980! I am so excited, I quickly write everything down. On another September day, Mike says he SAW TEN ANGELS WHEN I DIED and I WAS AFRAID On October 19, 20 00, Michael suddenly spelled out I THINK PAIN IS CRAP! I MATTER! I HAD NO LIFE I kept thinking if only I had known, I would have acted differently, treated Mich ael differently. The thing is, we never do know what someone is going through or how they feel. A painful lesson to learn after something like this happens. Dur ing this time Michael mentions his drinking problems while on earth . I LIKED TO DRINK. I CANT FIT IN On November 10, 2000 a white Italian pitcher moved all by itself in my mothers apartment! It just began to shake and move in circles then i t stopped! My mom, sister and I were shocked! I immediately went to get my cards and asked Michael, was that you? Give me an ok! OK! He spelled out promptly. Then gleefully, one after the other, he PAGE 10 spelled I DO I DO I DO. I cried, I w as so much in awe of this miracle. I believe I made the sign of the cross more t han once these many times. On September 5, 2001, Michael spoke insistently of WA R. BAD I CRY. He wouldnt say much else. On September 11, 2001, the terrorists str uck our country. On September 13, 2001 Michael again kept mentioning WAR On Sept ember 27, 2001, a Thursday, I got a message which I believe was from one of the terrorists who crashed into the World Trade Towers. Up to this point I have neve r received a message like this warning me of an upcoming event, and it came so u nexpectedly. I was talking with Mike one night, and suddenly the cards spelled o

ut ATTA. ME. ATTA. (Mohammad Atta was one of the terrorists who died. ) I double checked, and he kept spelling out ATTA ME. I was in total shock and asked Mike to help me please tell me what he wants me to know. I asked if he was sorry for what he had done to people. Atta continued I MUST SEE MY HATE. I GO. LOSE MY SOU L. EVIL EVIL Mohammad, I asked, what will the terrorists do next? Can I warn peo ple? Do I have time? TOXINS. TOXINS. I scribbled everything down, I still have t he journal I wrote in. Where are the toxins? Where will they be? FLORIDA PAGE 11 I knew nobody would believe me if I told them this. I asked, Where in Florida? Mi chael said he could not understand what Atta was saying The next day or so, I be lieve, after this communication, I read in the paper about a man in Florida bein g the very first victim of a toxin. I felt so depressed, like what good did I do ? What good CAN I do with the things I find out, if any? PAGE 12 In December I t ried automatic writing, or something like it! As time went on I trusted this met hod more and more because the things I wrote down werent even things I thought ab out or had on my mind! On December 22, 2001 Michael wrote: AFTER I DIED I FELT P EACE. HANDS. HEARD VOICES. IM SAFE. He wrote about Jesus and Heaven and the ange ls, and said how when he first saw the angels he was SCARED. THEY ARE SO BIG! On the night of February 4, I was told to watch for a sign in the news. SOMETHING AB OUT NUCLEAR MATERIALS BEING STOLEN OR MISSING. This was the sign I had asked for , to let me know that everything was real, all of this was real - the angels, my messages, . I waited for days - nothing. I got discouraged and doubtful all ove r again. Then sometime between February 21-25, 2002, I got a message about MARCH 6. WATCH FOR THIS DATE. On the morning of MARCH 7 I went down to the lobby to g et my free newspaper, and the top headline was: NUCLEAR MATERIALS STOLEN!! The d ate of the report was MARCH 6! I still have these newspapers. I cant describe the feeling I got that morning, it was so amazing. I would get a lot more signs as the months went on. I would request a certain song to come on the radio as a sig n, and THE SONG WOULD COME ON IN SECONDS. Some of the songs I requested werent ev en popular anymore but still theyd come on. Once I even asked for a Michael song (a s they were known!) in a crowded supermarket - and within SECONDS the song came on the piped in music system. I started to cry in the middle of the produce aisl e LOL PAGE 13 On June 29, 2002 I made a decision to go back to the beginning, so to speak, and do what originally had given me so much information - my cards. I instantly got answers. When I asked about Michaels friends and their betrayal, M ichael spelled over and over I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM. He spelled out a disturbi ng incident, when he had MADE PIES FOR MY FRIENDS and they made fun of the pies, a nd said horrible things about Michael, because he had been suffering from a long standing illness, and they didnt want to touch the pies he so lovingly made for them. Mike said I LOVE TO MAKE PIES FOR PEOPLE I LOVE. (He had found out later w hat they had said and it hurt him so much. He cried and cried until he got sick) I was crying too at this point, so hard that I had to stop and rest. PAGE 14 Mi chael often told me, through the cards and my writing, about how things arent all for nothing. You know how you feel sometimes that life is horrible for no good reason and you go through things for nothing and it all makes no sense? Thats not entirely true. In the hands of the Creator, from the vantage point of Heaven, e verything is crystal clear and divinely blessed. The scales DO end up balanced. Prayers DO get answered. You DO end up with everything you ever dreamed of. ONLY NOT THE WAY YOU EXPECTED. THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING, ANA. SOMEDAY YOU WI LL SEE. IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE, Michael would tell me. Michael often talked abou t his obsessive love for food - even though he was really slim while on earth, h e loved to eat, sometimes too much, and he often called himself a pig. He told me D ONT GLAMORIZE THE GUYS IN THE MAFIA. THEY ARE NOT ALWAYS TOUGH GUYS WITH HEARTS O F GOLD, ANA. THEY CAN BE PRETTY COLD AND MEAN. I GREW UP WITH THEM, REMEMBER. TA KE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS. LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR OWN FAMILY Sometimes Michael spelled out, and wrote of, BIG BLACK ENERGY. SHAPES. As time went on I u nderstood. Those are not just bad spirits or entities, they can be more than tha t -This was the bad energy in youself and in the world, the negative, the evil. PAGE 15 I want to pass these messages along to everybody. If you are having prob lems, if a loved one is sick, or you yourself are sick, please do this: Picture yourself or your loved on surrounded by angels, big beautiful angels, however yo

u wish to see them. Picture them touching you or your loved one, stroking their head, whispering to them. Picture the angels guarding any medical equipment and medications. You can even ask the guardian angels of the nurses and doctors in c harge to make sure they do the right thing always and to make sure they double c heck the medicines. This is what I have done for my dad, who was in the hospital many times. Do you have any relatives you love that passed away? You can even c all upon them to watch over you, your children, your family and friends. Here is a really helpful message. It works in an amazing way: If you are having trouble with a person - say the person is mean to you, or unpleasant or depressed, or s omething involving the persons situation isnt right - please pray to that persons g uardian angel. Like this: Dear Guardian Angel of (and here say the persons name, o r picture him or her), please help this person to (and here say what you desire for them). As long as you are asking for a good thing, it WILL happen. Please al so do what I do every day if you can. Give thanks and as much love as possible t o God, the angels and spirits. And dont ever be shy about asking for a sign. Anyt hing you can! You would be so surprised at all the miracles around you once you really look, things you may not have even noticed or imagined before. Things lik e songs coming on the radio in answer to a prayer or a PAGE 16 question - things like seeing a bright orange truck in the middle of nowhere when youve asked for one to assure you that the angels are there. So many times this will happen to y ou - ONCE you let yourself into their world - ONCE you open your heart and give them your trust and your love - you will see the signs everywhere. And you wont b e crazy! They wont be bad things, just things that will make you catch your breat h and laugh and cry with joy! I want you all to feel this joy and belief and won der and love. I want you all to feel safe and wrapped in the arms of Divine Love , so that NOTHING WILL EVER AGAIN CAUSE YOU FEAR OR PAIN. Yes, death is inevitab le. Yes, sickness and hatred exist. But once you put your life in their hands, y ou will feel so much better about this world and all its problems. Even the thou ght of dying, or losing a loved one, will not be as painful once you know that t here IS another life, that death is NOT the end, and that we are in CONSTANT tou ch with this world which we will one day be in ourselves. PAGE 17 Its so strange, but if you stay with this, if you immerse yourself and let it affect you and no t get too used to it or caught up in other things that take you away - iyou will find that life can seem even more worth living than ever before. You know how s ometimes you might think Well, if theres such a fantastic world waiting for us, wh y do we have to stay in this one? Why cant I just go there? And maybe people would start to hate this world and just wait for the next one. But that doesnt happen. The opposite almost happens. You start to love and appreciate THIS world more t han you ever thought you could. You start seeing the beauty and the wonder, and accepting the ugliness and the pain. Because you know the ugliness and pain will someday be gone forever, and ONLY beauty and goodness will remain. You get to s tay here and have whatever you enjoy in this world, and also share the world of spirit and Heaven. I know this happens to you too. When youve gotten a message fr om your loved ones in heaven, a sign from them, or a sign that youve asked for, d ont you feel like this world IS a miracle and that your whole life is filled wit h miracles? It isnt magic, I know that, there is still grief and tears. But if yo u be still for a moment and pray you can almost feel the angels wiping away your tears, the angels that God sends just for you. When people let you down, when t he whole world seems against you, remember: YOU ALWAYS HAVE THEM. THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. I dont know if you guys are religious, if any of you a re Catholic as I am. I include Jesus and Blessed Mother and the saints in my wor ld. They represent to me all that is pure and beautiful. PAGE 18 My father passe d away on February 13, 2004, and I needed all my strength to handle it. My belie f in God, the angels and my communications with Michael see me through. I have s omething to tell you. I hate to be a fool, or deceive other people. I would neve r ever do that. So for a long time now I have been trying to find out the truth about Michael, where he lives, if hes passed away. I know, in my heart, that SOME ONE is getting through to me from heaven. Was this spirit really , MY Michael, f rom the old neighborhood? Or could this be another spirit pretending to be him j ust to get my attention and love? (Theyve been known to do that, so Ive heard!) We

ll, okay, then, you got my love and attention. IT WORKED! I just want some solid proof so I could pass it on. There have been times Ive sat down and cried and pr ayed God, let someone believe me. Let me prove this is real, so they can come clo ser to YOU. Thats all I want. Sometimes the people around me dont believe this, but I tell them, Even if you think this is just an illusion, so what? If it helps ma ke you a better person, if it helps you get through your day, if it helps other people, then it is a GOOD THING. Like Leo Buscaglia once wrote, So you have to liv e an illusion to love yourself and other people? THEN LIVE AN ILLUSION. AND LET IT BE THE BEST MOST LOVING MOST BEAUTIFUL ONE YOU CAN LIVE. Only, I think this is REAL, and I want the whole world to know someday. Michael has told me that heav en has trees and houses and farms and sunrises and sunsets and lakes and oceans and FOOD! Oh yes, we cant forget food LOL But he keeps mentioning that its not the same as here, everything is different. Different, but NICE. Two books I would r ecommend that come pretty close to describing SOME THINGS that has told me: THE L OVELY BONES by Alice PAGE 19 Sebold (this is a work of fiction but some of it sou nds like things from my journal of a few years back), and NEVER SAY GOODBYE by Pat rick Matthews (hes a medium) I am a Catholic, born and raised. I still love my re ligion. I believe that the core of all religions are based on pretty much the sa me principles, except when they get twisted and distorted by mans agendas and pre judices. Religion is a very personal and sacred thing, and it helps to talk with whomever you believe in as though they are your very best friend and an honored guest in your life - which believe me they are! You must NEVER look to other pe ople and outside sources for certain things. I have tried, and its been a huge fa ilure. Ive gone to psychics and mediums, there HAVE to be some honest and gifted people somewhere. But in my experience I have had nothing but disillusionment. I ts not that these people are bad or mean or out to hurt you, its just that when yo u have an experience of this kind, it is VERY personal and meant to bring love a nd meaning in to your life. You have to have faith and trust that little voice t hat whispers good things to you. I have doubted that voice time and time again, I have searched for answers from experts - and there arent any! Not when it comes t o the spirit world. No one is infallible. You have to trust yourself. Remember, God sent these messages for YOU to hear. Some mediums are very gifted, and they need to make a living too. I just want to show that you may not even need them. If your experiences FEEL real, if youre not getting disturbed or sick over them, if youre not hurting yourself or anyone else - then HAVE FAITH. TRUST IN THEM. If you find yourself being more patient, more loving, more compassionate, or even just attempting to - having more faith in God, doing more good with money and ch arity - praying on behalf f others - THAT IS ALL THE PROOF YOU NEED TO CONTINUE AND TO BELIEVE. Im passing this advice on to you because Ive learned the hard way. Ive gone from place to place, person to person, spending money and time, on a se arch for what is already inside me. I have ended up right back where I started. Getting messages and being asked to just believe. PAGE 20 So if people dont belie ve you - thats okay. If they think youre crazy - thats okay too. Just follow that f eeling in your heart and deep down in your soul, that peaceful, strong, good fee ling that tells you youre on the right track. Somebody is watching over you and s omebody loves you like anything, even when the whole world may be against you. I ts THAT SOMEBODY you have to put your faith in. PAGE 21 There IS a peace you can feel that goes beyond anything you have ever known, and it can last forever. Eve n if youre not a particularly religious person, or a believer in any faith, you can have this peace. All it takes is putting your life in the hands of something bi gger than yourself. Knowing and feeling that everything really does work out in the end. If you believe in a Divine Power beyond this earth, beyond yourself - i f you believe that peoples souls live on, that something in them, their true esse nce, goes on after their bodies have stopped - you can have this peace. If you b elieve that something beyond man, beyond mans imagination or comprehension, creat ed this world and the stars and the universe - you can have this peace. It may b e tentative, it may be temporary, but it is there and it is realer than any othe r peace you may have known - hold on to it. THERE IS NO DEATH - ONLY TRANSFORMAT ION. Something in us lives on, maybe its a place, maybe its a dimension, or even a STATE OF MIND, a consciousness the soul enters. If you REALLY and TRULY underst

and this, if you even THINK it might be true, then nothing has the power to hurt you. Nothing has the power to destroy you. Not in the end. Not the YOU that rea lly matters. The YOU inside that feels and hopes and dreams and loves. I was a m ess -and i still am, but most of my fears have changed. i had so many nameless f ears - fear of leaving my house (since I was a child), fear of dying, fear of my parents dying, fear of a nuclear war, fear of all kinds of very real terrors th at exist in this world. The terrors are still here, they still exist, but they n o longer affect me the way they used to. I absolutely trust in God, I trust that He will take care of us and it will work out in the end. I turn to God and Bles sed Mother and Jesus and the saints and angels A LOT, I talk with them and thank them and give them love, and also I ask for advice, guidance and protection. Al so, I talk with my Michael. Whatever way works for you, know that it is worth it ! Just trust in this one simple truth - there IS a power, a presence, that DOES listen to us and that DOES care about us and helps us constantly. No matter what you call this presence, or however you envision it, no matter what your faith a nd beliefs - it is there for you, unchanging and eternal , and it will NEVER fai l you. PAGE 22 My mother had been sick for a long time and she too passed away 8 months after my dad, on October 20, 2004. My sister and I stayed with her and w e held her hand, we cried and told her stories and how much we loved her. We eac h felt as though we loved her and my father, and i know the sad truth is it may never be enough. It may not have been the kind of love they needed, or the best that you could give, not even close. But i love a book i had read on self-esteem and forgiving yourself. "You were doing all that you could do at the time, with the person you were then and what you had. Now is a new day and a chance to be different and to learn." So true. But i know i miss them both terribly and i wis h they were back, and my heart aches when i think of it. Sometimes i like to ima gine them here with me. it was never them or their presence in my life that was a problem, it was circumstances, attitudes, weaknesses. And it is so good to fac e that, even now. My mother was our best friend, the person around whom everyone in the family revolved, the center of our universe. She was the one everyone tu rned to, confided in, trusted and counted on. I remember when I was a child - I would run home from school just to be with her. We would sit and talk about our day. I didnt have many friends, at least no one like her. I bet a lot of you woul d have loved her - she was quite a character! Warm, generous, outspoken, yet she kept so much to herself. A strong woman, just under 49, tiny and cuddly and cute, but boy was she tough! LOL She was everything a mother can be and then some. I was feeling sad about Mom, during her sickness. Here is a message I received: Ang ie, know this to be true. These days will not last. The bad days will ALWAYS go away, and the good days will return, NEVER TO LEAVE AGAIN. Think of this when th ings get you down, when you feel sick, when you are afraid. Your mother will be brand new again. Her earthly self is wearing out, Ana, it is running down. This is natural. It happens to everyone sooner or later and in different ways. BUT JU ST THINK OF IT! It is like a child being born. At first, there is terrible pain and fear, a time when things are so difficult. When a new baby comes into the wo rld, it can be a slow and messy process. But then the baby comes and ALL IS WELL ! There is joy and celebration. This is how the end of earthly life is as well. Rebirth into a new and wonderful world. The process of the body releasing the TRUE SELF - the spirit - can be very heartbreaking. BUT ALWAYS KEEP, KEEP IN MIND, T HE END RESULT. Your mother will be new again. She will be healthy and happy. You will still feel sad and cry and have bad days, but if you REMEMBER what I tell you here there will be a quiet sense of joy and peace and strength in your heart which will never go away. PAGE 23 I held on to this for days, when Mama was home and dying in front of me, when I felt I couldnt take it. All the messages of hop e and peace soared right through me, and I finally realized I could do this for my mother. Because I knew I wasnt letting her go. Believe me, she is still here. After she died, I would get flashes of her last moments and the things that pass ed between us during those 6 days. This is what I was told to get me through: Ang ie, wipe the sad thoughts out of your head. Only think of happy things now. The last few hours and days of Moms life are not, nor will they ever be, the most imp ortant ones. They are NEVER the ones you should honor by remembering. Deep in yo

ur heart, in your soul, there is a light. NEVER feel as though you are betraying your loved ones by showing and feeling this light and letting others feel it to o. Mama wants this now. She has spent too many years in the darkness of fear and depression, and so have you. LET IN THE LIGHT NOW PEACE is always the right way t o feel. The most perfect, beautiful response. Few people can really feel this wa y, Ana. They keep dwelling on the pain, the struggle. This is normal. NORMAL, BU T UNNECESSARY. You do not have to dwell on these things to prove you care, to pr ove your love. You need NOT feel pain to feel love. Mama will understand. The mo re pain you feel, the more tears you cry, AND THEN HOLD ON TO, the harder it wil l be for your mother to be happy where she is now. She only wants YOUR happiness . HERE she will need to see her loved ones happy and at peace so that she can make the necessary transition. Just think, Angie. If you are separated from a loved one, say, you are stuck in traffic at night, or unable to come home to them in t ime, and they are frantic and crying, AND YOU KNOW THIS, how will that make you feel? Anxious, sick, sad, nervous? Now picture a different scene. Your loved one is still waiting for you to arrive, but this time they are calm, perhaps sleepi ng, laughing while watching TV, reading magazines. You still long to come back t o PAGE 24 them, you know at some point you will be together, but LOOK. THEY ARE HAPPY! They are keeping themselves busy until you arrive. So now you relax, you smile, you rest on the train or bus that is taking you on your journey home. Per haps you sleep. ALL IS WELL. The horrible pain is gone You see, Ana? THAT is how y ou must be for Mama. Calm, peaceful, happy, keeping busy until you can be with h er again. So that she too can relax and let go of her worry and attachment. PAGE 25 I was thinking about life and what keeps us here. Without people, without som eone to share our day, our life, our experiences, we are lost. Some of us are lo ners and we feel we do not need others. But without people there is nothing else here, even on the most basic practical level this is a given. Sure life is beau tiful and worthwhile on its own merit. Theres the scenery, the foods we love to e at, TV shows and movies that entertain and interest us, there is SO MUCH in the world to love and enjoy. But if the people you love are gone, its like your attit ude shifts. Sometimes your reason for being here is a person or people, however much you may complain or however poorly you deal with it, that is why you are al ive. When that is gone, it is hard to take. Life is still beautiful, yes, it is still worth living. And God gives you the strength and the grace to go on. Belie ve me, if God wants you here, you aint goin nowhere, baby LOL He will keep you ali ve and sustain you for whatever purpose He has in mind. But its almost like, you have one foot in this world, and one foot in the next, you know? And youre ready. Ive been sick for years, in poor health. And thanks to my messages and always, a lways, my visits with Michael , this doesnt scare or upset me anymore. Im at a pla ce now where, hey, its cool with me either way. Whatever happens, God, I am so HA PPY. If I go on living, if You allow me to keep alive, in this sometimes terribl e but fascinating world, Ill be happy. And if You decide to take me tomorrow, Ill be happy with that too. It truly is a WIN WIN PROPOSITION! You cant lose either w ay. Thats the attitude I want you to have, to develop and sustain you through eve rything. Because you know, Gods here too, with you right now. Could be youre in yo ur room or at work. He is there. You can talk with Him and enjoy His company. Le t Him share in what you are doing and feeling. The same with your loved ones who are now in Heaven. They are with you here too, keeping you company. Say hi. Inv ite them into your heart. Let them know you appreciate their presence. It is so beautiful, Gods miracle for us here on earth. i was talking about my mother and her life when she was a child and when she got married. Some day i want to tell her story, maybe make a novel out of it. I thi nk she would love this and this would be a wonderful tribute to her and my fathe r and her family. I was also talking a bit about the spirit world and why i beli eve people respond the way they do when others pass on. It isnt because they are cold or mean or indifferent to the living or when someone is still here, it is because there is a change that takes place. The person is no longer there to res ent or fight with, no more pettiness, no more games or what goes on in this worl

d that can obscure so much in all of us that is good and beautiful. I think it h its people hard when others are dying or dead because they realize what they wil l never have, what they have never done, what is gone that they want back. So so much. And they may see clearly for the first time in their lives with everythin g they have, they see everything they may not have seen before. Pray, God, that can happen before someone dies. I always remember the advice from Og Mandino, "I f you want to love everybody, pretend that they will be dead in 24 hours" This i s a good use of imagination and fantasy to change the way you see people and tre at them, but you have to really get in to it and never let this perspective go u ntil it becomes a natural part of you