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Control Your Bad Temper

It's time to control your bad temper! Many people have a huge habit of overreacting to life's stressors., throwing around their anger- and hurting their most valued relationships. As we all know, a bad temper can lead to temper tantrums. It is one thing to see a child throwing a tantrum in the middle of a store, but another to see an adult doing it. Our reactions to what happens to us or around us greatly affect our ability to cope with life's stressors. Believe it or not, when a person overreacts to stress with a nasty temper, they only increase the amount of stress they feel. Not only do they increase how much stress they feel emotionally, but they also physically increase their negative stress hormones in the body. We all have a choice on how we will react to stress. I know for some this may be hard to believe, especially since these feelings come so easily but I assure that it's absolutely true. If you automatically overreact to stress, then you are dealing with a dangerous, self-defeating habit. I have heard so many people say that these emotional outbursts give them a release and makes them feel better. But scientifically, it is proven to do the opposite. Although it may temporarily give them a sense of relief, they are unknowingly reinforcing an emotional behavior that increases stress and can even lead to anxiety.

The Internal Over-Reactor:


Some people overreact internally. Their bad tempers boil inside as they repeat to themselves all the things that upset them. They dwell on these things to the fullest extent and to the point where it effects their quality of life and their own happiness.

The External Over-Reactor:


Some people overreact externally. They have a tendency to be verbally abusive and may even react violently by slamming doors, throwing things, stomping feet, yelling and sometimes even hitting something or someone. Both types of over-reactors function in ways that are unhealthy and unproductive. They are both increasing negative stress hormones in the body which ultimately leads to illness. So how do you stop this unhealthy, self-destructive habit? You use your self-will and your selftalk!! You need to get into the habit of taking notice of your bad tempers. Once you realize you are reacting negatively, it's time to ask yourself some very important questions.

Ask Yourself These Questions


1. On a scale 1-10, how big is your problem? (10 being the worst) 2. How important is this problem to your life? 3. Does it deserve the reaction you are giving it? 4. Will it matter tomorrow? a month from now? or maybe next year? 5. Can this problem be solved? 6. If no solution can be found, are you willing to accept what you cannot change and move on?

Some tips that you should apply


1) Find humor in life. Learn to laugh at life and yourself. Developing a sense of humor about life will help you save your tears for real problems. 2) Slow down. If we are always rushing around and keeping "busy" then we never feel like we can really ever relax. Everyone needs time to take a break and "recharge". Take time to enjoy the things around you that really matter. 3) Verbalize positively your emotions. Talk to someone! By talking to a trusting friend you can reduce stress tremendously. And ask yourself in a loud voice the following questions: Why am I angry? - Give a clear answer to this question. There are legitimate reasons for anger. Make sure they exist before allowing yourself to become angry. Many times people become angry over something they assume. Their imagination gets the best of them and they imagine all sort of things that could go wrong. They become angry over something that has not happened yet. This is not a legitimate reason for being angry. Make sure that if you are angry, it is because your anger is based on something real that actually happened and not based on your imagination. Is my behavior justified? - The truth is that there is no excuse for behaving badly. When people are angry, they feel they are justified in that bad behavior. People usually become critical of others when they are angry. They have a tendency to become violent in their actions or words. It is not uncommon for people who are angry to belittle the one they are angry at. Some people use their anger as a reason for revenge. The truth is, there is no reason for bad behavior. You can be angry and express this anger in a way that produces respect. You will never get respect when you are yelling, name calling, hitting or breaking things. Controlling your anger in a productive way will produce better results and you will gain more respect from others around you as a result
What actions can I take to resolve this situation?

Using healthy methods for confrontation is important to resolve situations by first letting the other person know you are angry. You can do this without all the extra drama. Believe it or not, you can relieve your anger by sharing how you feel in a

respectful way. Everyone owes it to themselves to be honest about their feelings. You can always do this respectfully and without bad behavior. There are times when we cannot resolve a matter. In this case, it's a matter of allowing yourself to decompress by looking at things realistically. Give yourself permission to let go and forgive. Turn your anger into compassion by feeling sorry for others. God only knows what struggles other people are facing. We can never understand why people do some of the things they do and that is why we cannot judge one another. Vent to a friend and then put things into proper perspective. Many times you can resolve a situation by confronting the one that has angered you. Believe it or not, you can be angry and not be hurtful to yourself or another. Instead, confront the situation knowing you are doing what is healthy for you. As uncomfortable as things may feel, by confronting a situation, you are building your self-confidence as well as decompressing your anger. Even if the other person does not want to recognize what you are saying, by letting them know how you feel is enough to release your anger

4) Be conscious of how you hurt people. Talk to someone! By talking to a trusting friend you can reduce stress tremendously. And ask yourself in a loud voice the following questions:
Think about someone who severely attacked you physically or verbally. What was that experience like? The fear, hurt, and anger of that memory can stay with you the rest of your life. The aggression may create some small measure of lasting resentment and distance between you and the person who delivered the attack. The aggression can cause lowered trust and a lasting fear that they may hurt you again. The same lesson can be applied when you hurt someone else--whether you mean it or not. You may be "conditioning" your partner to fear or resent you instead of loving you! Fear and resentment are incompatible with love. Is this kind of permanent damage what you really want when you are verbally or physically aggressive toward someone you care about? You can hurt and alienate your partner with even mild "name-calling" or negative "labeling." (It will also probably escalate the conflict.) The effect can be greatly exaggerated with someone who is sensitive to criticism or anger. Visualize a big STOP SIGN! Think about the consequences before you attack someone or speak out of anger. Instead, try empathy; assume their best intentions; and be calm and diplomatic.

List your self-destructive expressions of anger and replace them with constructive expressions. List ways you deal with frustrating situations. What thoughts increase your anger? Which words or actions are harmful to others, your relationships, or yourself? (Examples: Yelling, swearing, attacking, throwing things, eating, smoking, drugs, avoiding the problem, or taking it out on someone else.) What thoughts and actions would be more constructive? List energetic activities to reduce anger's arousal. Sports, exercise, biking, walking, running, doing chores, laughing, and even (constructive) talking can help reduce anger's arousal. The more vigorous the activity, the more effective

5) Dont allow yourself to build pressure. Avoid the turning point. Observe your own emotions when you are in a frustrating situation. If you see that you are starting to feel too angry, anxious, or guilty, then take a "time-out." A time-out means that you both stop talking or that you separate long enough to think about it, calm down, and get your control back. Time-outs can be effective even if they are only one to five minutes long. Use your time out to clarify what you want or how you want to deal with the other person.

To take a time-out, you might say, "I need some time to think about what we have been talking about. I would like to continue our conversation [in a few minutes, at a later time, etc.]." If the other person doesn't want you to leave, insist and leave anyway. Similarly, if you observe that the other person is getting too upset and is not dealing constructively with the situation, take a time-out. You could say the same thing as before, or say, "It looks like we're both getting upset, and if we can't discuss this more calmly, then I will need to take a time-out." Take the time-out in the early stages of a conflict; don't wait until it has gotten destructive. Take time-outs as often as is necessary to keep things reasonably calm and productive. Observe your own emotions when you are in a frustrating situation. If you see that you are starting to feel too angry, anxious, or guilty, then take a "time-out." A time-out means that you both stop talking or that you separate long enough to think about it, calm down.

6) Share your worries to your loved ones. Communicate. Take it out. Allow help. But do it without seeking to blame him or her. Do not even ask or expect for a solution, it is just a communication exercise that will help you to concentrate on yourself, loosing perspective, feeling alone against the world