• How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it will take 12 visits and require monthly care until it finally burns out.

• How do you know you've been a nurse for too long?

Your duty shoes are older than the Resident doctors.

• Minor Surgery - The surgeon appears to be under 18 years of age.

• What do you call a neurosurgery patient who is walking? - Pre-op!

• General Practitioner is a doctor who keeps knowing less and less about more and more
areas until he knows nothing about everything. A specialist on the other hand, knows more
and more about less and less until he knows everything about nothing.

• What is the difference between a phlebotomist and a urologist? Well, a phlebotomist

pricks your finger...

• How many gynecologists does it take to change a light bulb? "Why don't we just take out
the socket? You're not using it any more, and it'll only cause you more problems later on!"

• How do you recognize a surgeon on OR? - He has blood on his clogs.

• How do you recognize an anesthesiologist on OR: He has coffee on his clogs.

• The only man who is never criticized when he lies down on the job is a blood donor.

• What is needed to be a good orthopod? - To be strong and dumb.

• To be a good obstetrician?- There is no need to be strong

• How do you define a double-blinded study? - Two orthopods looking at an EKG.

• What do you get when a patient upon examination presents with signs of insomnia, dyslexia,
and agnosticism? - A patient who stays up all night wondering if there is really a DOG!!!

• In the course of a visit for another problem, my patient referred to the herbal remedy she
had recently taken for her cold symptoms. "I sure felt better after taking’
euthanasia'(Echinacea)!"

• How do you treat a snake that is having an allergic reaction? - Give it anti-HISS-tamines!

Compiled by Dr. Miten P. Mehta – 94269 68565 (Toll free) / mitenmehta2003@yahoo.co.in

 • How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? - Only one, but it must really
want to change.

• Do you know the difference between a doctor and God? - God knows that he is not a
doctor!

• The concerned wife of a patient with frequent PVCs asked, “Doctor, could my husband
wake up dead in the middle of the night?"

• I am dying from the treatment of too many physicians.

• Medicine is a collection of uncertain prescriptions, the results of which, taken collectively,

are more fatal than useful to mankind.

• They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder,
they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

• God help the patient.

• Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors.

• Medicine heals doubts as well as diseases.

• It requires a great deal of faith for a man to be cured by his own placebos.

• DOCTOR`S OFFICE: A place where you find the newest in medicine and the oldest in
reading material.

• Never argue with a doctor - he has inside information.

• First oral contraceptive of the world – NO EMER

• The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

• Garlic - The earliest form of birth control.

• Toilet sign: UNLOADING ZONE

• INSOMNIA: Where you can not sleep, even at the job.

• If you still have your tonsils and appendix at 30, chances are you are the doctor.

• One patient to doctor: '', Infertility runs in our family. ''

• NOTICE IN A DOCTOR`S OFFICE: Patients in the waiting room are suggested not to
exchange symptoms. It gets the doctor hopelessly mixed up.

• Sign outside a labor room: '' WE DELEIVERED TINY TOYS FOR ADULTS.''

• Sign outside obesity clinic: '' YOUR LOSS, OUR GAIN ''

Compiled by Dr. Miten P. Mehta – 94269 68565 (Toll free) / mitenmehta2003@yahoo.co.in

 • Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted.

• Appetizers: Little thing you eat until you lose your appetite

• Time and the tide wait for no man - neither castor oil.

• It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

• The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

• A clinician learns less and less about more and more until he knows nothing about
everything. A researcher learns more and more about less and less until he knows
everything about nothing

• Dermatology is the best specialty. The patient never dies—and never gets well.

• A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

• Exploratory operation: a remunerative reconnaissance.

• I've already had medical attention—a dog licked me when I was on the ground.

• Medicine can only cure curable diseases, and then not always.

• Medicine for the dead is too late.

• Medicine is a noble profession but a damn bad business.

• The operation was successful—but the patient died.

• The fact that your patient gets well does not prove that your diagnosis was correct.

• God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

• What I call a good patient is one who, having found a good physician, sticks to him till he
dies.

• My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months
more

• The difference between an itch and an allergy is about one hundred bucks.

• Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of
which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.

• A pediatrician is a doctor of little patients.

• The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.

Compiled by Dr. Miten P. Mehta – 94269 68565 (Toll free) / mitenmehta2003@yahoo.co.in

 • An internist is someone who knows everything and does nothing.
A surgeon is someone who does everything and knows nothing.
A psychiatrist is someone who knows nothing and does nothing.
A pathologist is someone who knows everything and does everything too late.

• Mr. Anaesthetist, if the patient can keep awake, surely you can.

• The best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the
matter—he's got to just know.

• To avoid delay, please have all your symptoms ready.

• What sort of doctor is he?" "Oh, well, I don't know much about his ability; but he's got a
very good bedside manner!"

Compiled by Dr. Miten P. Mehta – 94269 68565 (Toll free) / mitenmehta2003@yahoo.co.in