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Ramanathan
DN: cn=Ramanathan, c=IN, o=Commercial Taxed Dept Staff
Training Institute,, ou=Computer Lecturer,, email=ctdsti@gmail.com
Location: Commercial Taxes Staff Training Institute, Computer
Lecturer,Ph:9442282076
Date: 2008.03.01 02:43:12 +05'30'
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
umbrella and go.
8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
problem Can there be greater than this one?
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he
15
told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
FORTUNE"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
"arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or
"shoot himself".
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the
22
world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high,
even 20
supersonic planes passing by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear
the Niagara
Falls?"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them
for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board
overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient
to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both
arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you
jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the
wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
driving.
Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking
27
Fine"
once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and
29 not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He
Replied that the
weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold
and on the other hand it would be hot.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called
up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach
in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught
mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?
(What Happened, My Son?)
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey,
31 and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste
chaar gear banaate hain, )
aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are
crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for
going back!
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
I'm planting them too deep.'
36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O'
bolo
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
ta ra ra.
Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car
40
ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
hai.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in
45
the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our
Network
Follows."
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He
53
Chcked 1st
patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch
& finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
58 Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb
na
phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu
bomb
hay. :)
aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay.
60
rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta
hay woh
apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
hairan ho
ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy
A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main
62
Bol Raha
Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha
Hoon!"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
faida."
Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen
66
aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
<o:p>Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long
68
drive par
ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
larki ne aahista se kaha........ ..
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai
Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho
77 hi u all
i hv one puppy 4 u
1puppy 4 ur friend
1 puppy for ur fri ke fri
u know why???
becuz....... .....
ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai
Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai
Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee
hain
Kaho ik di kaho ik din
Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din
Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din
merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din
Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din...
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka
bhair
zata ha
woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha
.fer
pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha
zoo
paisa
left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par
woo
humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too
usna kaha ka
astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya
ha
hum
khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa
asman ma
gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ???
Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly,
83
he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.
The
lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm
waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in
front
of me, do you?"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala
86
chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.
88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he
Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal
daal raha
hota he.
Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool
sunghne kab
uthe ga?"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga
uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo
89
agar
mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay ....
!!!!
aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyun
90
pehantay
ho
dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par
dada ne
pehna
phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi
pehanta
hoon
pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai
hai
shadi
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati
dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain
pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay
dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere
walid
ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??
92 The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!
94 Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
dying of
AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom
96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
yesterday.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
My father is so old that when he was in school, history was
100
called current affairs.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
104
eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the
office
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she
109
managed to call one in
particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and
111
closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are
you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga-
113
mita dunga.
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi
dunga.
Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters
114
in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar
115
sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar
116 idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think. .........
...
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
ulte.
Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf
119
awaaz sunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with
married women.
One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor
123
of a
building when a man came running in to his office and shouted
"Santa singh
your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since
Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window
while comming down when he was near the
tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto.
when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not
married.
124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he
replied "Exam was
okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought,
thought ... and
at last wrote - THUNK !!!"
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has
125
met with an
accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him
to the
hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have
brought by
ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him
sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he
took spear tyre
and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately
he misplaced
the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused
,,now
what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching
this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one
screw from
the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u
can go
where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar
Duniya tume
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied
sir,, i m
a pagal but i m not a sardar.
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the
128
floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
L-JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
L-JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boy
138
jumps inside and
swims underneath them and counts the number of legs.
There are only 36 legs.HOW??
Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!
140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is
green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the
same
at home.
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the
142
same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
ramakalai@gmail.com 3/1/2008