Eective Support Systems

in Your Church Orphan Care Ministry

presented by Cindy Coman, Bruce and Denise Kendrick

TABLE OF CONTENTS PRESENTATION PLANNING OUTLINE 2 5

ADOPTION AND RELATED RESOURCES BENEFITS OF A SUPPORT GROUP GROUP HABITS AND NORMS PARENT GROUPS POSITIVELY AFFECT MEMBERS (ARTICLE) PARTICIPANT QUESTIONNAIRE POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE QUESTIONS FOR POTENTIAL BOARD MEMBERS RESEARCH ON VALUE OF SUPPORT GROUPS RESOURCES STEPS TO DELEGATE EFFECTIVELY VALUE OF ADOPTION GROUPS (ARTICLE) GUIDE TO STARTING A SUPPORT GROUP GUIDE TO ORGANIZING A RESPITE NIGHT DISCUSSION HANDOUTS TRAINING CERTIFICATE (EXAMPLE) SUPPORT GROUP TOPIC SURVEY

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ALL MATERIALS HAVE BEEN PROVIDED FOR YOUR USE WITH PERMISSION TO COPY AS NEEDED.

Effective Support Systems in Your Church Orphan Care Ministry

9:00 - 9:45 The Support Group Experience

Join us for this mock support group, and experience one example of a support group model. Afterwards, reflect on the following thoughts: Did you feel welcomed? Comfortable? Was the presentation fun and interactive? Did you enjoy the introductions and door prize?

9:45 - 10:15 Welcome

In this section we will introduce the Embrace staff, share a little about how Embrace got started and have our parent support group leaders share about their groups. Consider the following questions: (If you already facilitate a group) What stage of the lifecycle/maturity is your group in? Are there any Embrace support group models that might fit the needs of families at our church? How do you feel about dads and moms meeting in separate groups?

10:15 - 10:30 BREAK 10:30 - 10:40 Leading for Success

Are you a charismatic, outgoing leader? Or are you a servant leader, always at work behind the scenes? Consider your personal leadership style, and that of your ministry partners.

10:40 - 11:45 Planning for Purpose

In this session we will begin discussing the nuts and bolts of starting and maintaining a support group, and creating a clear mission or purpose for the group you form. Consider the following questions: What is our main goal in creating a support group? What assets have we overlooked or not considered yet?

11:45 - 1:00 LUNCH 1:00 - 1:45 Planning for Success

In the next 45 minutes we will dive into some of the details that can help you track the progress of your group, format your time in a thoughtful way, and bring quality speakers and information to your parents. While youre thinking about planning for success, consider: Does our current (or planned) format align with our stated purpose? How vital is childcare to our plan? How can we insure the quality of information presented to the group?

1:45 - 2:15 Launch & Connect

Your launch may seem important, and it is important to make a good first impression, but many groups that have a rocky start can make small changes and become successful. Connecting to families and parents is a struggle for most church-based support groups, but using the tools we will discuss in this session will help you make your group available to more parents.

2:15 - 2:45 Break & Time in Bookstore

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2:45 - 3:15 Maintain for Health

Much like preventative medicine when it comes to human bodies, your group must be checked out and maintained to stay healthy. Avoid putting on the autopilot and coasting along. Consider: How can we allow everyone the opportunity to interact within the group? How will we finance this group 2 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road? What is our backup plan?

3:15 - 3:45 Rejuvenation & Retention

Groups may eventually plateau in growth, but they should continue to mature. In this session we will look at ways to help revive a dying group, retain members long-term, and empower membership to lead.

3:45 - 4:15 Beyond the Monthly Meeting

The time spent by members during monthly meetings can be very valuable, but as a group matures, relationships begin to grow, and there may be a desire to connect and serve outside the meeting setting. Consider: How would our parents be willing to get involved? What services are they in need of beyond support?

4:15 - 5:00 Action Plan

2011 Tapestry Ministry Workshop Planning Outline

I. What are your Motivations for leading and serving in this aspect of your church ministry? II. What is the Mission/Purpose Statement for this aspect of your church ministry? III. What are your Long-Term Goals? IV. What are your Short-Term Goals? V. What are the Specific Actions that you will need to take to accomplish your goals? a. What are the Milestones for those specific actions (i.e., by when do you intend to take/accomplish those actions)? b. What Resources will you need? c. Who are the Helpful People that you will need to involve? d. What are some of the Possible Problems you are likely to encounter? e. What are some Possible Solutions to those problems?

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more than food and shelter

w h a t e ve r y f a t h e r n e e d s t o k n o w a b o u t c h i l d h o o d d e ve l o p m e n t a n d h o w w e c a n b e t t e r c a r e fo r o u r k i d s parietal lobe
re s p o n s i b l e fo r p e r c e p t i o n of touch, smell and taste

f ro n t a l l o b e
c o n t ro l s t h i n k i n g, planning and reasoning processes

ocipital lobe
b r a i ns v i s i o n c e n t e r

cerebral cor tex

c o n t ro l s c o n s c i o u s, vo l u n t a r y a c t i o n s, f u l l y develops age 25-30

temporal lobe
processes hearing and some language

limbic system
re s p o n s i b l e fo r p ro c e s s i n g emotions

3 Ye a r O l d C h i l d r e n brain stem
basic survival functions ( b re a t h i n g, h e a r t b e a t ) , fi r s t p a r t t o d e v e l o p

cerebellum
c o n t ro l s re fl e x i ve a n d i nvo l u n t a r y m o ve m e n t s

normal

extreme neglect A b r a h a m M a s l o w s H i e a r c hy o f N e e d s

What are we told are the basic needs of human beings? Because our children have experienced neglect, abuse or abandonment on some level...are there basic needs different and/or more complex?

What are some differences you dont see physically but you have witnessed relationally or developmentally with your kids? Why is it difficult for us (particularly fathers) to accept that more than provision is needed to care for these children? How does a brain grow? a relationship? a child? What kinds of experiences are appropriate to strengthen your specific childs mental health? How do you personally overcome that shift in thinking to provide that kind of parenting?
copyright Embrace 2011
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transition to adoption
exploring the final 90 days of relational and practical details in a foster care adoption
only you can decide what is right for your family and if your family is a good fit for that child. you need to understand that adoption is not long term foster care and some things are going to change and some things are going to remain the same. if you havent already, you will receive all the binders CPS has on your child to review.

deciding to adopt

termination, relinquishment and openness

you should already be involved or at least aware of the progress in your foster childs court hearings...and if possible building a relationship with their birthparent(s) or relatives. you will be asked what degree of openness youre willing to maintain in the event that the birthparents rights were not terminated...cards and letters, gifts for special occasions or possibly ongoing visitation.

hiring an adoption attorney

there are few attorneys in Dallas/Ft. Worth who specialize in adoption related legal services and its important to hire someone who is familiar with the process. Disclaimer: The following attorneys are suggestions and not meant to be your only legal options.

the Law Office of J. David Joyce, P.C. 972-851-0700 djoyce@jdavidjoyce.com

the Law Office of David C. Cole, P.C. 214-363-5117 info@adoptlegal.com

the 90 day waiting period

upon termination or relinquishment, the state is mandated to allow 90 days for any relatives or fictive kin to make themselves available to adopt the child in your care...and you need to prepare your spouse for the possibilities that exist while remaining patient.

what if a relative is chosen?...what if we change our mind?... what if we have legal standing to intervene?...does it always take 90 days?

applying/negotiating adoption subsidy

your foster care caseworker will move your case to the adoption department of CPS and you will receive a new adoption caseworker that will lead your family through the rest of the process until the Presentation. If your child qualifies as special needs, you will be given a few pages to fill out in order to negotiate adoption subsidy.

here are a few facts about adoption subsidy:

it can meet but not exceed your foster care reimbursement it is traditionally between $200-400 per month it lasts until your child turns 18, graduates high school or turns 21.

the Presentation

you should have negotiated your subsidy agreement prior to your presentation date however this is the final step you take with CPS where you finalize name changes and sign lots and lots of paperwork...kinda like when you buy a house. unless you are adopting on National Adoption Day in November...expect this to be somewhat anti-climactic. Take lots of pictures but dont try and throw a party that night. Just enjoy that youre almost done with all the craziness and paperwork.

finalizing in court

copyright Embrace 2011

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Being a Multicultural Family

Transracial Adoption means placing a child who is of one race or ethnic group with adoptive parents of another race or ethnic group. In the United States these terms usually refer to the placement of children of color or children from another country with Caucasian adoptive parents.

of children adopted in America adoptive families

40% 84%

Waiting Children in America, by Race White 32% Black 42%

Islander 1% Unknown or of children adopted from Mixed Race 8% foreign countries by American American families are trans-racial Indian 1%

Suggested Reading:

Hispanic 15%

Brothers & Sisters in Adoption Is black culture what I see on MTV? Should popular media shape who I am? Or how I feel in my skin? I think black culture is learned by Arleta James by being bounced on the knee of my black grandmother after Sunday W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook lunch. And if the lessons learned there are good for BLACK children, by Marilyn Schoettle they are good for ALL children. - Aaron Chowning, Adult Transracial Adoptee

"Colorblindness actually creates discordance."

-Gina Samuels, an associate professor in the School of Social Service Administration at University of Chicago, has focused her research on identity development among trans-racial adoptees.

aspects of culture
art FOOD music

language

literature

lm

holidays

GAMES religion
clothing

icons

The purpose of MEPA-IEP is to remove the barriers to permanency facing the many children involved in the child be adopted; facilitate the recruitment and retention of foster and adoptive parents who can meet the particular needs of children waiting to be placed; eliminate discrimination on the basis of the race, color, or national origin 38 of the child or the prospective parent.
copyright 2011 Embrace Waiting Children Inc.

Multiethnic Placement Act & Interethnic Adoption Provision (MEPA-IEP)

h o w t o t a l k t o yo u r b i o l o g i c a l k i d s a b o u t b e i n g a fo s t e r / a d o p t i ve f a m i l y

a biological perspective

What are some ways we already best for our children and families across the cacy is a proactive defense to do what isadvocate for our children and families? board.
Educating Family and Friends Working with School Districts and Early Childhood Intervention

Why do we stumble when advocating for our children or families?

Sometimes advocacy can be uncomfortable. Strangers, family, friends, teachers, counselors, caseworkers judges, etc. can all impose their ideas, questions or understandings of what they think is right, wrong or otherwise. As Dads, we have to play an active role in advocating for our families by allowing our feelings to be set aside and place our children and family rst.

Who is the spokesperson of your family? How does the other spouse encourage, con rm or support? Where are the hardest places to advocate?
Church Neighborhood School Work CPS/Court Government

How do you advocate? Know Your Story

Your story needs to be something you and your spouse agree upon in regards to what you share and what you choose to protect about your kids. It needs to be concise without sharing all the details, and for certain audiences it needs to be memorable. Who you advocate to will change your approach. You may need to more persistent in some cases than others. You may need to write your story rather than talk about it. Sometimes emotion is a plus and other times it is not.

Know Your Audience

copyright Embrace 2010

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Certificate of Training
2 hours credit
co ee shop

moms

Coffee Shop Moms is a support group for foster and adoptive mothers. Topics of discussion vary monthly and relate to parenting, child development, foster parenting and adoption. Meetings are lead by licensed foster or adoptive parents, specialists in specific fields relating to child development, and Embrace staff. Date/Time: ______________________________ Location: La Madeline, McKinney TX Awarded To: _____________________________ Awarded By: _____________________________ Denise Kendrick, Director of Development denise@embracetexas.org

Certificate of Training
2 hours credit
co ee shop

moms

Coffee Shop Moms is a support group for foster and adoptive mothers. Topics of discussion vary monthly and relate to parenting, child development, foster parenting and adoption. Meetings are lead by licensed foster or adoptive parents, specialists in specific fields relating to child development, and Embrace staff. Date/Time: ______________________________ Location: La Madeline, McKinney TX Awarded To: _____________________________ Awarded By: _____________________________ Denise Kendrick, Director of Development denise@embracetexas.org

Certificate of Training
2 hours credit
co ee shop

moms

Coffee Shop Moms is a support group for foster and adoptive mothers. Topics of discussion vary monthly and relate to parenting, child development, foster parenting and adoption. Meetings are lead by licensed foster or adoptive parents, specialists in specific fields relating to child development, and Embrace staff. Date/Time: ______________________________ Location: La Madeline, McKinney TX Awarded To: _____________________________ Awarded By: _____________________________ Denise Kendrick, Director of Development denise@embracetexas.org
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Please put a check by 3-5 topics below you would like to learn more about. We will collect your input and try to bring the most highly requested topics to your support group. If you have a topic or speaker you wish to suggest [not listed below] please feel free to write it in on the bottom line. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ The Honeymoon is Over: Adoptive life 1,2 or 3 years later Advocacy at the State Level Always Prepared: How to be ready for your foster placements Kinship by Design: The history of child placing in America STOP YELLING! (working towards a quieter home) Photography for Mommies (Forget JCPenny, you can shoot great pics!) Celebrating Your Childs Culture/Heritage How Your Church Can Care For Orphans Where did I come from? Answers for Adopted Children Aged Out of Foster Care: A young adult shares her story ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Open Adoption Success How to Tutor Your Child at Home Helping Adoptive Siblings Bond Respite & Relief Care Options Getting Your Spouse On Board Intro to International Adoption Success for Blended Families Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Adoption: Biblical Perspectives Public, Private, Home... School Options

other: *NEW! Starting in May we will invite one mom to share a little about their foster or adoptive journey before we begin the informational portion of our group. If you would like to share, please send an email to Denise at denise@embracetexas.org or call (214)354-6776.

Please put a check by 3-5 topics below you would like to learn more about. We will collect your input and try to bring the most highly requested topics to your support group. If you have a topic or speaker you wish to suggest [not listed below] please feel free to write it in on the bottom line. ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ The Honeymoon is Over: Adoptive life 1,2 or 3 years later Advocacy at the State Level Always Prepared: How to be ready for your foster placements Kinship by Design: The history of child placing in America STOP YELLING! (working towards a quieter home) Photography for Mommies (Forget JCPenny, you can shoot great pics!) Celebrating Your Childs Culture/Heritage How Your Church Can Care For Orphans Where did I come from? Answers for Adopted Children Aged Out of Foster Care: A young adult shares her story ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ Open Adoption Success How to Tutor Your Child at Home Helping Adoptive Siblings Bond Respite & Relief Care Options Getting Your Spouse On Board Intro to International Adoption Success for Blended Families Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Adoption: Biblical Perspectives Public, Private, Home... School Options

other: *NEW! Starting in May we will invite one mom to share a little about their foster or adoptive journey before we begin the informational portion of our group. If you would like to share, please send an email to Denise at denise@embracetexas.org or call (214)354-6776.
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