Jokes Christmas

Christmas Jokes

A cracker of a selection …

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Version date: Feb 2002

Collated by: http://Gasonga.com/

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Jokes Christmas

Bestsellers for Christmas Jokes from Amazon.com

Big Fat Father Christmas Joke Book

by Terry Deary
Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: 20 October, 2000 - ISBN: 0439998786

Ho Ho Ho, Ha Ha Ha : Holly-arious Christmas Knock-Knock Jokes

by Katy Hall Stephen Carpenter
Our Price: $6.95
Sales Rank: 601,892 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: 02 October, 2001 - ISBN: 0694013625
Jingle Jokes : Christmas Riddles to Deck the Ha Ha Hall
by Katy Hall Stephen Carpenter
Our Price: $6.95
Sales Rank: 396,392 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: October, 1997 - ISBN: 0694008370
The Girls' Revenge
by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Our Price: $15.95
Sales Rank: 357,588 - Avg. Rating: 5 (out of 5)
Released: October, 1998 - ISBN: 0385323344
Christmas Jokes & Riddles (Holiday Ha-Ha's)
by Craig Yoe
Our Price: $4.99
Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: September, 2003 - ISBN: 0843104694
Tis the Day After Christmas
by Christmas Curmudgeon Mark Zahnd Jack Dillard Christmas Mark Zahand
Our Price: $2.95
Sales Rank: 1,255,665 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: October, 1991 - ISBN: 1563520109
Riddles About Christmas (What Can It Be Series)
by Jill Ashley Rob Gray Bonnie Brook
Our Price: $13.00
Sales Rank: 1,887,993 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: August, 1990 - ISBN: 0671705520
Are You There, Father Christmas?
by Deborah Ross Sarah Nayler
Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: 04 November, 2002 - ISBN: 0744586364
The Little Christmas Joke Book
by Nick Stearn
Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: 31 October, 2002 - ISBN: 0670913049

Father Christmas it's a blooming terrible joke book

by Raymond Briggs Karen King Rowan Clifford
Our Price: $5.95
Sales Rank: 508,188 - Avg. Rating: 0 (out of 5)
Released: February, 2000 - ISBN: 0140373543

Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?

A: Santa Clues!

Q: What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?

A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?

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Jokes Christmas

A: Santa-applause!

Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

A: Santa Jaws!

Q: Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?

A: He likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Q: What does Father Christmas call his money?

A: Iced Lolly?

Q: What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
A: Santa pause!

Q: Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?

A: She had a pumpkin for a coach!

Q: What's beautiful, grey and wears glass slippers?

A: Cinder-elephant!

Q: What's the scariest pantomime?

A: Ghoul-dilocks and the three bears

Q: On which side of the house did Jack's beanstalk grow?

A: The outside!

Q: What's a ghost’s favourite Christmas entertainment?

A: A phantomime !

Q: What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs?
A: Someday my prints will come!

Q: What kind of pet did Aladdin have?

A: A flying car-pet!

Q: Who's that little girl who wears a red cape and goes round shouting 'knickers' at the Big Bad
Wolf?
A: Little Rude Riding Hood!

Q: Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?

A: The poor didn't have anything!

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Jokes Christmas

Q: Who in Treasure Island has a parrot that cries "Pieces of four, Pieces of four "?
A: Short John Silver!

Q: Why wouldn't they let Cinderella play in the Football team?

A: She keeps running away from the ball!

Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?

A: "Do I have to eat my Brussels sprouts?"

Q: What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?

A: Have an ice day!

Q: What do you call a gigantic polar bear?

A: Nothing, you just run away!

Q: What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
A: Tarzipan !

Q: Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?

A: No you can have turkey like everyone else!

Q: What did the Eskimos sing when they got their Christmas dinner?
A: Whale-meat again, don't know where, don't know when!

Q: What did the big cracker say to the little cracker?

A: My pop is bigger than yours!

Q: Who is never hungry at Christmas?

A: The turkey - he's always stuffed!

Q: What bird has wings but cannot fly?

A: Roast turkey!

Q: What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

A: Your teeth!

Q: What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?

A: You get tinsel-itus!

Q: What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?

A: Grave-y!

Q: How does Mickey Mouse get around during the winter?

A: Mice skates.

Q: What is Santa's favourite breakfast cereal?

A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What kind of Camera does Santa Claus use?

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A: A Pole-aroid

Q: Where is the best place to put the Christmas tree?

A: After Christmas one and Christmas two.

Q: What is red and white and goes up and down and up and down?
A: Santa Claus stuck in an elevator.

Q: Why is Santa such a good racecar driver?

A: He always in the pole position.

Q: Who holds all of Santa's books?

A: His books elf. (book-shelf)

Q: How do you know if there is a reindeer in your refrigerator?

A: The hoof prints in the butter!

Q: Why does Santa Claus have three gardens?

A: So he can Ho-Ho-Ho.

Q: What did the sheep say to the shepherd?

A: Seasons Bleetings!

Q: What do you call a cow in Alaska?

A: An Eski-moo.

Q: What do elves learn in school?

A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?

A: "I don't like sprouts"!

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

A: Missile-toe!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?

A: The North Poll.

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Jokes Christmas

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

A: Ribbon hood.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?

A: Because it's to far to walk.

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!

Q: What kind of bird can write?

A: A Pen-guin.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?

A: Sandy Claus!

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

A: Fleece Navidad!

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?

A: North Polish.

Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate clause.

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.

Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?

A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?

A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

A: Because it "soots " him!

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

A: Clause-trophobic.

Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

A: Because every buck is dear to him.

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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