What really happened in World War II: First, Germany nobled Poland.

Then England broke their NAP with Germany. England and her allies defended against Germany's attacks, but suffered heavy lo sses as Germany had Paladin with the Carol's Morning Star for their rams. France got nobled. Japan decided to scout America. America got pissed off, and sent 2 nukes at Japan with millions of cats. America cut Japan to 90 points. Germany sent a noble train at Russia, and took their loyalty down to 1. Russia then built up troops with their level 30 resources and level 25 barracks. Before a noble train could hit again, Russia's walls went back up to 20. With all their Nobles destroyed, Germany sent troops although it was clear they could not take Russia. Eventually the troops ran out, because Russia could produ ce them faster. Russia, Britain, and the USA simultaneously hit Germany with their own noble tra ins. Hitler deleted his account.

*Credit: jeg31ny for giving me this. Original author is unknown. ================================================== Funny Quotes The road to success is always under construction. ================================================== An apple a day keeps the doctor away; but if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit. ================================================== An apple a day keeps the doctor away; if you throw it hard enough. ================================================== Everyone has a photographic memory some just don t have film. ================================================== Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong

button you'll be disconnected! ================================================== "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- no t screaming, like the passengers in his car."<---unknown author ================================================== "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ================================================== "The trouble with children is that they're not returnable."- Quentin Crisp ================================================== "I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar." ================================================== "Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now qu iet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers." - Homer Simpson ================================================== "Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest." ================================================== "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Ada ms ================================================== "Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to mys elf, where the heck is the ceiling." (got you...thought i was gonna say somethin g touchy or worthwhile, right?) ================================================== "You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." -Home r Simpson ================================================== "When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room." - Woody Allen ================================================== Worst excuse for not turning in homework:: "I couldn't find anyone to copy it fr om." ================================================== "What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?"

================================================== This is for all of you who are Star War fans: "Duct tape is like the Force. It h as a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." ================================================== "I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wr ong answers." ================================================== Question: "Who are you and how did you get in here?" Reposnse: "I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith..." ================================================== "Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. " - Al Bundy ================================================== "Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy wh en I had $48 million." ================================================== I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am sayin g. ================================================== "Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fe ll off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to th e bathroom." - Rodney Dangerfield. ================================================== "I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my f ather. He said he wanted more proof." - Rodney Dangerfield ================================================== "I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are yo u going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough." - Les Dawson. ================================================== "Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother." - Ken Dodd. ================================================== "Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer J Simpson. ================================================== "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and

better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook. ================================================== "Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering." ================================================== "Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' b ecomes silent." ================================================== "A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished." -Zsa Zsa Gabor ================================================== "The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong." -Andy Rooney ================================================== "In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out." - Joey Adams ================================================== "I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out , she'll kill me."- Henry Youngman ================================================== "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."- Rodney Dangerfield ================================================== "A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of yo u, but you are not worth as much.'"- Lord Barnett ================================================== "The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a p ulse"- Dennis Miller ================================================== "I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87."- Steve Martin ************************************************** Funny stories: Story#1: 1 Letter wrong for an E-mail

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during particularly ic y winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoo n 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedul es, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he deci ded to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter i n her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband 's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart att ack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: October 16, 2004 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you ar e allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been che cked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Look ing forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here. Story #2: A New Priest A New Priest A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worrie d about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass ... If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermo n, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry". 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally... 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's Story #3: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, off icers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shout ing, "Please come out and give yourself up." Story #4: Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't con trol himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to re peat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" Story #5: Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road: Let's See How Some of the Famous P eople Answered It (some history background might be needed to get a good chuckle out of this, but some are very obvious) GEORGE W. BUSH We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if t he chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or i t is against us. There is no middle ground here. AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American peo ple. BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could y ou define chicken, please? RALPH NADER (a Presidential candidate...who lost big time) The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unch ecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on th e other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. RUSH LIMBAUGH (an activist against tax increase) I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a gov ernment grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already formi ng a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you bel ieve this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. MARTHA STEWART No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing orde r at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain lev el. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken cr ossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. VOLTAIRE (some famous philosopher in the old days) I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its ri ght to do it. RONALD REAGAN (acted innocent when he was accused of having sexual contact with his secretary) What chicken? SIGMUND FREUD (the "father" of Psychology who emphasizes that EVERYTHING can be related to sexual interpretation...ALL of this guy's study subjects were females ) The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES

I have just released eChi. Story #6: Crying in the Park When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbin g her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morni ng and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly grou nd coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite desse rt and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!" ******************************************************* Other Stuff my friends gave me You know its 2010 when... 1. You never send letters to your friends. (Always Email) 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have Email. 4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing t he button on the TV. 6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer. 7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling. 8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this. 9. You were too busy to notice number five. 10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five. 11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity. 12. Put this in your profile if you fell for it. You know you did. (You fell for it, I know you did.) ************************************************** A girl and a guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle. Girl:Slow down, i'm scared. Guy:No, this is fun. Girl:No it's not, please, it's so scary. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl:I love you, slow down. Guy: Now give me a big hug *She gave him a big hug*

Guy:Can you take my helmet off & put it on Yourself, It's really bothering me. The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle Crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this in your Profile. ************************************************** I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! fi yuo cna raed tihs, palce it in yuor pofrile!