“Love Never Fails”

Paul J. Bucknell

A) The Channel of Love

God has created each of His children to be a conduit of His love. There is no grander
place for this to be seen than in marriage. Wherever God’s love comes down and touches
a heart, people are changed for the good. We can see this when Jesus mingled with the
people when walking through their towns. They loved Him. We will also see the same
things happen when a husband or wife deliberately chooses to love his or her spouse.

To choose love is to respond to God. When God’s love

is in our
relationships, A) The Channel of Love
special things occur. B) The Description of Love
As spouses we need
to be committed to bringing God’s love to our mates.
We need to be strategic. Although husbands are
especially commanded by God to love their wives, we
will see that both husbands and wives greatly shape the
beauty of their marriage by deliberately choosing to
love their spouse. Maybe you wonder how to do this.

As Christians, we need to walk closely with God to get that love. Only His love can help
us through difficult relationship problems. Love helps us to have the proper personal
motivation (love the unlovely), the needed strength (ability to carry out practical acts of
love) and design (help on practical ideas). All through the gospels Jesus regularly took
time to be alone with His Father. This enabled Him to be a vessel that His Heavenly
Father used to bring His love and healing to people. In a similar way, we need to meet
regularly with God to know how best we can show God’s love to our spouse. Let me
share a story with you about a practical way to show God’s love.

A Love Story

This past week I made a daring adventure, a love adventure. Last year was our 25th
wedding anniversary. Unfortunately we couldn’t get away for an overnight trip. But we
didn’t forget about it. Several months ago we were talking and wondering whether we
could get away for an overnight trip this year–without the children, of course. It sounded
good to me. I, as the husband, needed three things to pull it off: Faith, hope and love.
 I needed to believe that we could get it done with God’s help (faith).

I also needed to have the idea or vision for an overnight wedding anniversary
trip (hope). I needed one more thing, however.

I actually needed to make loving plans and carry them out (love).

In this case we had several challenges. Many would think our chief concern was finding
someone to care for our eight children. Well, with our oldest two, this is not a real
problem for us. Though to be honest, it is always a struggle for Mom to leave the little
ones. This was true for Linda too. Our greatest challenge was the time. This is one of the
busiest times in our lives. I am in the midst of teaching four series and preparing many of
those materials for the web.

Guess when our anniversary falls? Right smack in the middle of this extremely busy
time. It would be easy for me to say that we will go later. I believed it was the right time.
But something more, I believed that God could help us get all the work done in spite of
taking off for fifty hours together to some romantic spot. Why? God has been deliberately
training us over the previous two months about how He would help us overcome all sorts
of obstacles to get His work done. I decided if He could help us then, then why not with
this situation.

Of course we needed to look at the schedule. Fortunately, one series just ended so we had
an open window. Then we saw the right-priced travel deal. The hope for this trip has been
there for over a year. The Lord gave the faith so that we could actually do it. Now,
however, I needed to make reservations and start preparing to be away. We just got back
and had a wonderful time. God arranged this get-away. He enabled us to enjoy it. Linda
didn’t need to worry about the children or I about the work still waiting to be done.
Instead we could reflect on our past 26 years and look ahead together to our years to
come. The more we celebrate our oneness and in different ways affirm it, the easier it is
to put off the difficulties that are associated with a ‘two-ness’ life.

God’s Greater Way

1 John 4 shows us how love has penetrated our world. We need to constantly remind
ourselves that the source of love is God Himself. He first loved us.

We love, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19).

As His children, God no longer allows us to say, “I can’t love.” Or “It is too hard.” Did
you notice that this verse doesn’t just say that God loved us through Christ? It also states
in clear words that, “We love.” On Judgment Day, God will not allow all those excuses
about busyness, poverty, inability, lack of affection, etc. God changed our whole
 orientation to this problem when He sent His Son Jesus Christ into the world. By
becoming God’s children, we are now able to tap into His powerful source of love.

If you ever begin to sense a loss of interest in loving, giving up hope to persist in love or
simply don’t think your love is good enough, refresh yourself in God’s presence and
again regain His love. Some people who are on the verge of giving up might ask, “If we
are but a vessel that is pouring out God’s love, then are we no longer doing the loving, are
we?” Of course we are.

The verse above states that God’s love becomes integrated into our lives. How does this
happen? When we meet Him each day, we talk to Him and read His Word. We get to
know Him more and more. His mindset more and more becomes ours. We are greatly
indebted to God for His great love for us. As God’s love flows into our own lives, so it
can flow into our lives and marriages. Only regular intimate contact with God keeps the
river of love from running dry.

This is the reason we simply state that one of the most important things needed for an
ongoing love is to meet personally with God on a regular basis. Do you meet with the
Lord every day? How can you reflect His love if you don’t meet with Him in a personal
way?[1]

Let’s draw near to Him just now.

Dear Father in Heaven, imitation love just isn’t going to make it in our world. It is not
good enough for our marriages. Cheap human love does not bear, endure and persist. We
are impatient, unkind and outright rude. Our so-called love is not love. We need to get
deeper Lord. We need to seek Your face for your divine and glorious love to spring forth
in our hearts and marriages. If we are content with a cheap love, break us until all the
contamination of the world falls off. Reveal the greater glory of the heavenly love. It is
time that all of our marriages be touched with Your divine love for You are love.

By this time you are probably wondering what is divine love look like in a marriage.
Fortunately, God has given us a great practical description of this love. 1 Corinthians 13
is the great ‘Love’ chapter of the Bible. [2] What makes it so? I believe it is because the
true character and power of love is revealed. It is much like looking at the sun. We are
forced to turn away from it because of the powerful way God’s love is revealed to us. Do
remember now, that all genuine love is like this. This is what love is. Genuine love can
withstand the great pressures that earthly love cannot. Our upbringing is good to a certain
point, but it never really endures.

You can order the Building a Great Marriage printed seminar

materials including handouts at the BFF Resource Center or
just get the BFF Family Training CD which includes our
marriage and parenting articles including powerpoints .
B) The Description of Love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
Although many people would claim to love, only a few have been seized by its
magnificent power, insight and commitment. We see the shallowness of people’s
commitments when those who take their marriage vows state that they will stay married
“as long as we both shall love”. Truly, they don't have any notion of what true love is.
The true marriage vow states, “As long as we both shall live.” Love by definition has
many components, without them, it is something other than love.

Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant,
does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,
is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails;

Let us take a look at each of these components, and what they look like in the context of
marriage.[3]

Definition of Description of Love Situation The Path of Rejection of Love

Love Love

Love The loving spouse does Late for “I know I was “Why are
is not insist on his own dinner. going to go do you making
patient schedule and time something, but me late
constraints. People, With it sounds like again!”
especially hurt people, another’s we need to talk
can absorb much time. sinfulness. abut this matter.
Do I express a They might need a lot What if we talk
forbearing of time at busy times. Taking about it now?” “That’s not
spirit that The patient person longer to the way it
enables me to trusts God with his get ready “I sense you should be
listen to and very limited time. than believe that I done!”
care for my thought. hurt you
spouse? The patient person somehow. Could
trusts God for wisdom we talk about it?
to kindly care for each I really didn’t “Yea, is that
person. mean to hurt so. We’ll
you.” you are not
so perfect
yourself.”
 Love Love is kind. We might In a rush Polite language Rude
is think this needs not to language
kind be said but after a A meal not “Could you say
careful examination of prepared that again for “I told you
Do I always what is done in the as liked me please? I so!”
express myself name of love, we are didn’t quite hear
to my spouse wise to measure love Husband you.” “Shut up!”
in a kindly only with the measuring doesn’t get
manner? cup called ‘kindness.’ around to Mild-mannered “That was
jobs. stupid!”
“Truth in If a person is not kind in I wanted to buy
love.” attitude, action or word, this for you to “You
he simply is not loving. express my love always are
for you. like this.”

Love Jealousy and envy Attention “That was nice “Why did
is not are the same word received. you could say you say that
jealous in Greek. By that to him.” to her?”
pursuing after what Friends. (Suspicious)
one’s mate has, it “I’m so happy
reveals a basic Fringe for him!” “Why does
Do I get jealous discontent with benefits. he get all the
or envious at the one’s own friends, “I focus on attention?”
attention my situation or person. Health excelling on
spouse The focus on what advantages. what “It’s easy for
gets? one does not have responsibilities him. I just
brings him or her to God has given to watch these
think in opposition me.” kids all day
to his spouse. Love long.” (self-
commits itself to pity)
bringing benefit to
the other person.
 Love This person holds Degrees. “Are you “Did you
does not brag back from impressing having trouble hear how I
his spouse. In order to Awards. with that? …?”
Do I tell about my brag or boast, a Would you
great spouse often is willing Positions. want me to “Why can’t
accomplishments to say how much help you?” you …?
in such a way that better he is than his Money. ” (Make
makes my spouse spouse and thus states Be quiet about feel stupid).
feel ‘small’? the inferiority of his Publicity. how certain
spouse. Love enables God-given “Oh, I’ve
a spouse to see the gifts have never had
great things in his enabled you in that
spouse and speak of certain ways. problem.
these things. Why can’t
you …?”

Love The loving person Cleaning a “Can I help “If I was

is not thinks highly of his mess you clean doing it, I
arrogant spouse. He or she is that?” wouldn’t
important to his or her Having a …”
Do I think my welfare. Because the servant mind. “Is there
needs are more arrogant person thinks anything I can “I can get
important than more highly of him Making nice help you by without
my spouse’s? (her) self, he treats his compliments. with?” you!”
spouse poorly,
thinking he is to be “I appreciate “What did
served. Love prefers how you do you do that
the spouse over that. It really for? That
his/her desires. helps me so was stupid!”
much.”
 Love The loving spouse Rudely get Don’t say rude “Did you
does not act does not seek attention jokes or things hear about
unbecomingly attention from others that cut people … (some
at the expense of his Apologizes down. rude
Do I act rudely or spouse. Drawing if catches joke)?”
sarcastically to attention to ourselves himself Don’t do or say
get more is the opposite of love being rude unseemly “Do you
attention at the where we would draw things. know what
cost of my attention to the Dress, dirty my wife
spouse? people in need. jokes, “I’m sorry. I did? Let me
manner of spoke lightly of tell you ….
talking. you to my ”
advantage. In
fact you are so “My
precious to me. husband is
Forgive me.” an absolute
jerk. He
…”

Definition of Description of Love Situation The Path of Rejection of

Love Love Love

Love A loving spouse seeks Ignore “Why don’t “Why don’t

does not the welfare of his or responsibility you take a you take a
seek its own her spouse. If we so can please nap. You don’t rest.” Pretends
prefer ourselves, then oneself. feel too well. caring for her
Do I seek the we will give ourselves I’ll help you when all he
things that I preferential treatment. Break morals clean up really wants is
like more than We will even lie, to gain my around the to view an
what my cheat, backbite, own desires. kitchen.” uninterrupted
spouse slander, etc. to serve sport’s game.
prefers? our own needs over
our spouses.
 Love The loving spouse does Spouse is “Could we “My fault
is not not easily get upset with angry and please talk you say! Well
provoked his spouse. He loves yelling. about this a bit you have it
her/him. He might be later? Our all wrong!”
Does your inconvenienced or his Spouse is voices are
spouse easily pride attacked, but true irritable getting too “Why do you
upset you love is not easily because it loud.” always have
during his or shaken. Pretend love is hot out. to ruin a great
her irritable quickly changes its (Don’t say day with your
times when he position. It is unable to Your wife’s anything; just comments!”
or she makes live by the principle of critical keep enjoying
you feel dedication. monthly your day.) “If I can’t do
inferior, moody anything
humiliated or time. Instead of right, then
just ‘put getting upset, why did we
down’? you use that get married!”
energy to do
something
extra nice for
her.

Love The loving spouse Forgot to do “I was hurt a lot. “Oh no. I
does not does not get bitter. something Thanks so much remember
take into Wounded, hurt and important. for straightening last time you
account a mistreated it might be, things up. It is really blew
wrong but love will always Said so much better!” it.”
suffered forgive. She does not something
store up memories of mean to you. “Please forgive “Don’t
Do I quickly wrong or plan for me.” bother me!”
forgive my revenge. Love wipes Refuses sex.
spouse and clean the account of “I forgive you.” “I cannot
refuse to get wrongs each day to ever forgive
bitter? enable her to keep you. Even if
caring for the needs of I could, I
his or her spouse. wouldn’t.”
 Love The loving spouse is Watching a “I really desire “Why don’t
does not sad of any kind of sensual or to be with you you watch
rejoice in evil found in his violent but I cannot this with
unrighteousness spouse. He never movie watch things me?” (Dirty
encourages wicked together. that displease or violent
Do I take a sense behavior and rejects the Lord.” film).
of pleasure when the temporary gains Going
my spouse agrees to be won from it. gambling “But we are “Everyone
to do evil? together. not everyone. else cheats
I can’t sign on their
Lie about that form.” taxes.”
something
together. “God doesn’t “I knew that
want us to use bet would
Switch that money.” pay off!”
partners.

Love The loving spouse has Worry. “Although we “I can’t. I’m

rejoices with a great delight when he might go too fearful.”
the truth sees God working in Fears. without
his spouse’s life because of that “I am so
Do I delight in through his or her Trusting decision, I am worried that
seeing how obedience to God’s financially. glad we did I can’t do
God helps our Word. Love's the right what I
marriage in so companion is truth Sovereignty. thing.” should be
may ways where the light shines doing.”
through brightly and lies and “Did you
observing His unfaithfulness are notice the “No.”
truth? broken apart. great way God (Refuses to
has overcome apologize.)
our fears?”
 Love The loving spouse is Physical “I will forgive “The pain is
bears willing to put up with pain. you. I have too great. I
all things all sorts of pain, insult decided that I just can’t.”
and even injury so that Emotional just need like
Do I shoulder he might like Christ pain. Jesus to accept “Why
the burden and cover[4] the incident the pain that I should I
pain that comes with love. Insult. have suffered forgive
from my from you. you?”
marriage that By bearing all things, Isolation. There is no
we might gain love can withstand the way to pay that “You hurt
an even greater great shocks of back. “ me. I’ll
marriage? rudeness, sin and never
absolute depravity. Out forgive
of the muddy waters you.”
comes the white lily
flower.

Love The loving spouse An “God has given “I can’t trust

believes trusts God and His unfaithful me special you
all things perfect design of spouse. grace to serve anymore.”
marriage. He refuses during such
Do I trust God to react to his spouse In sickness. times of crises.” “I don’t
for help, but instead trusts God think
strength and for strength and In extreme “I can’t do it in anything
renewal for wisdom to properly busyness. my own good can
each marital care for his or her strength but come out of
difficulty that I spouse. One spouse God is my this
face? gives up on help.” marriage.”
a certain
area of their “Someway God “I want out.”
marriage. will work it out
to a greater “Here are the
good.” divorce
papers.”
 Love The loving spouse has Critical “God will “How
hopes an inner aspiration to spouse. somehow work could I
all things make their marriage it out.” ever live
work. He or she is not An affair. with him
Do I treat each blind to the problems. “God’s way is after that?”
challenge in my The difference is Alcoholism. always
marriage with a solely in how God can greater.” “I just
generous dose make each case into a Pornography. can’t go
of expectation special opportunity to “We just need on.”
that God can serve and show God’s to believe in
somehow do love. God's grace can Him.”
something shine into the darkest
special even in places.
the most
desperate
situations?

Love The loving spouse has Time “You might be “I give up.”
endures chosen to love for life. hard on me, but
all things The commitment is a Poverty I have “I can’t put
one-time affair but the committed up with this
Have I made a opportunities spread Sickness myself to serve another
commitment to over the married life. you for life. minute.”
love and prize Trials Nothing is
my spouse? Our love in itself is going to change
Have I renewed limited but when God's this. This is my
that love fills us, then life. It might be
commitment at nothing can stop it. more pleasant
all? God's love endures or hard, but I
shame, reproach, evil, am going to
and humility just as love you with
God's love in Christ God’s love.”
pursued all these things
so that we could
receive that love.
 Love There are no limitations with God's divine love. God's love does
never not stop with the sunset or begin with the new week. Divine love
fails will always continue throughout time and eternity. In the darkest
of nights, there will always be the eternal light of God's love. Love
Am I confident of will outshine hatred and penetrate the vilest evil with sacrifice.
the power of God’s
penetrating love in May we love our spouse as He has loved us in Christ.
every aspect of my
marriage?

Love never fails. This capstone upon the description of love is not a simple monument
but a clear testimony of the most powerful force on earth. When we choose to give up
and choose other than love, we simply are allowing the darkness of the world to seize our
marriage. It was like my engine motor that finally seized up after 150,000 miles. The
friction was too much and the lubrication too little. It burnt solid. Without God’s love,
this will happen to all of our marriages.

God’s love, however, can take any devastating and dark situation and bring God’s light to
shine. This is what God did with Jesus Christ. Read how the darkness cannot be
overcome with darkness.

The light still shines in the darkness and the darkness has never put it out. (John 1:5
Philips).

The same is true with God’s powerful force of love. Notice how faith and love are joined
together.

By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and observe His
commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His
commandments are not burdensome. For whatever is born of God overcomes the world;
and this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. And who is the one who
overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? (1 John 5:2-5)

The question is not whether you can have a great marriage. The question is whether you
will live by faith in getting one. As God’s child you have the key to a great marriage. It is
God’s divine love.

Many people think that it rests with their own emotional love. This is what happens to
new couples. They live in love for a while but that emotion fades and they no longer have
the emotion to cover or overlook the sins of their spouse.
Others think it requires dutiful and wearisome carrying out of his or her marital duties.
Whether it is cutting the lawn, washing dishes, or having sex, they plug away. They think
this is the ultimate of marriage. God in 1 John 5:2-3 says that keeping His commands are
not burdensome. What he means is that when we begin to catch the heart of serving,
every wall or door becomes an opportunity. There is no end to finding these opportunities
to serve.

As long as we are faithful serving, God’s love is alive and flowing through our own lives
and into our marriage. In most cases this love will begin to touch your spouse’s life,
though not always.

The Detour of Love

I started with an example from our recent anniversary. Allow me to share one more
typical scene to show you how love works itself out.

We were already two hours late leaving. That was all right; we were both busy. We had a
four-hour trip ahead of us. I wanted to leave early so to miss rush hour traffic and long
immigration lines. With this two-hour loss, now we might not miss the lines. About two
hours into the trip, we were talking about the rest of our trip. Linda mentioned how she
would love to dip her feet in the waters of Lake Erie. All I thought about was long rush
hour lines. You can see the analytical man and the feeling woman in conflict. We were
not arguing. The conflict was in my mind.

She would like to do this one thing. I think it would be

best to push forward. But the purpose of the trip is to
enjoy each other’s company. So I tuned into her real
desire and took the scenic route that went along the
coast. In the end we found that this way actually was
better and we both enjoyed it. I had to remember that
God speaks through my wife. I need to value her. By
doing that, our marriage would be all the more
tremendous and wonderful.

And guess what? Along that road we found a state park

that wasn’t charging that day. We went down to the
shore and had the whole park to ourselves. We had a
nice picture by the lilac bushes in bloom. Linda got to
wet her feet in the waters of Lake Erie. We had the most
pleasant drive possible on that lakeshore road.

The wrestling of wills will always be there, sometimes

stronger than at other times. But we need to remember
God’s greater purpose. By choosing to serve we have made the best choice. When we
make the best choice of love, we gain the reward. In this case it took a subjugation of my
mind to lift up her ideals and good pleasures. For me it was going out of the way. But it
really was going the right way of love. Love would take me in the path of service.

I should add that she was also loving. She was not demanding. She didn’t seem that she
would become at all resentful if I chose not to go that way. She only kindly shared with
me some of her thoughts and ideals. She allowed me to work through this situation in my
own mind and trusted God for the results. Her kind and winsome words made me really
want to please her. In the end I found myself asking her to find a possible route we could
take to the shore and test out that road. We found that road was so good that we even took
it on the way back home.

Summary

We can’t lose with love, but we can lose without it. Satan sometimes tricks us into
thinking that our spouse is the enemy to a good life. Absolutely not. God has proclaimed
us one. Love is the basic way to work out our good and kind deeds to our spouse to
preserve the relationship. The apostle told the husbands to love their wives as their own
bodies.

From a quick look at this description of God’s love, we should recognize that our ability
to love is wrapped up in how much we are growing as a Christian. We need to keep
growing so that we can regularly commune with God and He with us. God has designed
our marriages to be the place that we can work through some of our personal struggles
Grow with God. Grow in your marriage.

We all can have Great Marriages. God is at work to give us what we so desperately need.
Now if we would just begin to choose to consistently love. Start with one day at a time.
Early each day cry out, “God help me to love my spouse today. Give me strength. Give
me creativity.” Do it that way for a week. Then commit yourself to God for loving your
spouse for a week. Keep at it.

God’s solution, “Love never fails” might seem rather idealistic, but He is convinced that
it works. He loved the world and sent His only Son to die on the cross for His people’s
sins. He knew love would greatly cost Him but that it would supply what was needed to
accomplish His great plan for His stubborn people that He choose. Love never fails. God
always wins. Today be strategic. Choose His way of love. You will have a great marriage.

Put me like a seal over your heart, Like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy is as severe as Sheol; Its flashes are flashes of fire, The very flame of the LORD.
Many waters cannot quench love, Nor will rivers overflow it; If a man were to give all
the riches of his house for love, It would be utterly despised.” (Song of Songs 8:6-7)

If love did not need to work itself out

 practically,
then God would have been satisfied with a
mere plan to save us but not implement it. He
would be happy with His good plan.
Love excels in accomplishing what we find most difficult to do:

waiting rather than demanding;

extending tender care to obstinate people;

determining to fulfill the needs of others at cost to ones own needs and desires;

acknowledgement of our weaknesses rather than clamoring for compliments.

Study Questions
1. How do we bring God’s love into our marriages?

2. How do we ourselves get more of God’s love?

3. What were the three things needed for that man to get out on an overnight
anniversary trip?

4. How did God train the husband so that he had faith to trust God regarding his work?

5. Will we be able to make any excuses for not loving? Why not? (see 1 John 4:19).

6. Write down and memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.

7. Which three statements challenge you the most in your marriage? Why?

8. “Love _______ fails” is the key phrase for this session. Do you really think that
God’s love can help every marriage? Why or why not?

9. Are you conscious on how one must go out of his or her way to serve one’s spouse?

10. How does one’s Christian growth affect the welfare of his marriage?