Women Abusement

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Abuse has no place in a loving relationship.

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Group Members

Names
1) Shaikh Asif 2) Sayyed Tausif 3) Qamar Shamshul 4) Pratiksha Roy 5) Gayatri Sapre 6) Shaikh Tanvi 7) Aarti Sharma

Roll No.
54 25 16 06 20 64 65

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Acknowledgement
Well to say this is my project would be totally untrue. At best this was my effort. There are people in this world, some of them so wonderful that made this effort become a project. I would like to thank all of them, and in particular: Prof: Shubhashini Naikar who gave her guidance very conveniently in the completion of our project. And also my Parents who always encouraged and motivated me for every issues relating
to my studies. As well as Our Librarian who helped us by providing books according to our topics. My Team Mates Tausif, Shamshul, Pratiksha, Gayatri, Tanvi and Aarti without whose support I would not be able to complete this project alone. Last but not the least it is only when one writes and realizes the true power of MS word 2007, from grammar checks to replace-alls. It is simple. And the power of Windows XP the OS where MS Office is . Thank you Mr. Bill Gates and Microsoft Corp!

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Index
Table of Contents Meaning..................................................................................................................................... 5 Abusive behavior ....................................................................................................................... 6 Manipulation and Control Tactics: ............................................................................................. 6 Emotional Abuse: ....................................................................................................................... 7 Physical Abuse: .......................................................................................................................... 7 What We Can Do ....................................................................................................................... 9 Assistance in Abusive Relationships ........................................................................................... 9 Assistance for Family and friends ............................................................................................. 11 Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships ............................................................................... 11 Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help ................................................................... 12 Signs of an abusive relationship ............................................................................................... 12 Emotional abuse: Its a bigger problem than you think ......................................................... 12 Understanding emotional abuse ........................................................................................... 12 The cycle of violence in abusement ......................................................................................... 13 Speak up if you suspect abuse ................................................................................................. 14 Do's and Don'ts ........................................................................................................................ 14 Conclusion ............................................................................................................................... 16 Bibliography ............................................................................................................................. 16

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Meaning
The United Nation Declaration on the elimination of violence against women (1993) define violence against women as Any act of gender based violence that results in, or is likely to result in physical, sexual or pshycological harm or suffering to women including threats of such acts coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life. Women are often in great danger in the place where they should be safest within their families. For many home is the regime where they face terror and violence at the hands of somebody close to them-somebody they should be able to trust. Domestic violence, also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, family violence, and intimate partner violence (IPV), has been broadly defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends or cohabitation.Domestic violence, so defined, has many forms, including physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. Alcohol consumption and mental illness can be co-morbid with abuse, and present additional challenges when present alongside patterns of abuse.

What is Abuse?
Women Abusers often fall into two categories:
1. Abusive Controllers:

Women who want to control you so they can own you mind, body and soul. You are an extension of herself, to be arranged and managed. She is not really interested in who you are, but more in whom she requires you to be. To her, compliance is love. Meeting her rigid expectations and giving her complete access to you 24/7, is what she wants from you.
2. Abusive Consumers:

Women who want to control you so they can have access to everything you've got. You are a tool she uses to elevate her own life. She is more interested in the lifestyle you can provide for her than the relationship she has with you. To her, giving her things is love. She may resist too much closeness, because closeness is really more of a means to an end; beyond that, it's is problem for her.

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**Important to Note: Some women take on aspects of both these postures, so watch and listen carefully. One thing is certain: whether shes a Controller, a Consumer or both, it's all about her, all the time. Your role is limited to what youre doing for her, or failing to do for her.

Abusive behavior
three general categories:

in intimate partner relationships can be broken down into

1. Manipulation and Control Tactics 2. Emotional Abuse 3. Physical Abuse The course of an abusive relationship often begins with manipulation and control tactics and escalates over time to include emotionally and physically abusive behavior. However, these behaviors can occur in any combination at any time. A persons abuse experience will often spill over into all three groups simultaneously. Regardless of the type of abusive behavior, the pathological purpose behind it is control. Its important to note, some women have a controlling, manipulative style in relationships with men, and while this is often inappropriate, it may not cross over into the abuse arena. The difference is in the tone behind her actions. You are looking for a threatening, commanding, intimidating tone behind her words, body language and actions toward you. If this is the case, you may be in the beginning stages of an abusive relationship, if not a fully established abuse scenario.

Manipulation and Control Tactics:

These tactics are used to change the balance of power in the relationship. This begins in subtle ways early in the relationship with hidden invasions of privacy, jealousy and possessiveness disguised as passion, increasing demands for your time and attention, and extreme behavior. The Abusive Consumer will use these methods to begin the process of getting what she wants from you. The Abusive Controller will use these methods to begin taking control of your life away from you.

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Emotional Abuse:
A pattern of mental attack, causing a sense of impending threat in the relationship. Everything good between you dangles on the edge of abuse, depending solely on whether or not you remain in her good graces. These attacks involve demeaning verbal attacks on a persons identity and the destruction of positive self-worth. This is used both as a punishment for failing to meet rigid, unhealthy expectations and as a means to manipulate the victim into falling back into line.

Physical Abuse:
When anger becomes physical, there is physical as well as emotional harm being inflicted. Acts of violence, the threat of violence and the destruction of property all demonstrate a physical threat to ones safety and well-being, whether an injury occurs or not. A womans ability to cause serious injury to a man should never be underestimated. The element of surprise and the use of weapons will quickly even the playing field. Here are some behaviors you may experience in each category: Manipulation/Control

Jealousy and possessiveness Highly sexualized behavior Extreme Behavior Risk-taking behavior Monitoring your phone calls Monitoring your email Checking your clothes for signs of another woman Unannounced visits to check on your whereabouts Sudden Mood changes Frequent or excessive phone calls Stalking and surveillance when youre apart Growing mistrust, without cause Early isolation: keeping you all to herself Excessive spending habits

Women Abusement Emotional Abuse

Manipulation and control tactics continue, taking a threatening turn The Silent Treatment Angry outbursts: accusations, extreme reactions Verbal attacks: demeaning words, name-calling Blaming you for her bad behavior Denying the abusive behavior ever occurred Minimizing or making light of her bad behavior Exaggerating your behavior to justify her own Withholding affection as a bargaining tactic Financial abuse Destruction of personal, cherished belongings Threats: Abandonment, slander, false allegations Isolation tactics: cutting you off from friends / family Lies about you to others Excessive spending, Abuse of mutual finances Public scenes, humiliation; threats of public humiliation Threatening to abuse or neglect the children Threatening to leave with the children Threatening to prevent access to the children

Physical Abuse

Threats of violence Destruction of property Throwing objects at you, to intimidate or cause injury Spitting, slapping, scratching, biting, hitting, choking, cutting, punching Ambush attacks during sleep The use of objects or weapons to cause injury Sexual abuse: pain and/or injury deliberately inflicted to sexual areas of the body, during a fight, or in the form of an ambush during sex; also, pain and/or injury minimized as rough sex The use of poisons and chemicals to induce severe illness, injury or death. Manslaughter Murder

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What We Can Do
Nip it in the bud immediately. Dont ignore things. Dont hope itll go away. Steve H., in an abusive marriage for five years If you have real issues with someone and it crosses the line, they have broken your heart or done something to injure you - I should have stopped right there instead of trying to come up with a reason why she did that. Mike T., in an abusive marriage for ten years

Assistance in Abusive Relationships

Ultimately, we only have control over our own choices and our own actions. You cannot change her, only she can do that. However, you can change things for yourself, through your way of thinking, as well as your circumstances. It may be difficult, but it is important to realize: No one can control or abuse another person (apart from being disabled and imprisoned) without some level of cooperation on their part. If you stay in an abusive relationship, for whatever good reasons you may have, you are giving your consent by default. The good news is, you can change this arrangement whenever you are ready. Gather your resources and plan your next move

Gather support from friends and family you can trust o Talk to someone you're close to and tell them what's been happening. You're not meant to go through this alone. Consider your options, based on your unique situation o If you are being emotionally abused, but there is no violence or threat of violence, you'll be deciding between changing and saving the relationship or safely leaving the relationship. If threats and stalking begin when you leave, you may need to consider legal action to protect yourself. o If you are being emotionally and physically abused, the intial choice is the same but, the odds of saving your relationship are lower and your risk as you leave increases. Therefore, planning your next move is
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Women Abusement more complicated, but vitally important all the same.

Get advice from a local domestic violence advocacy agency o National Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) - "Stop Abuse For Everyone" The national hotline will direct you to local agencies in your area; this hotline in particular, acknowledges the abuse of men Police Intervention o Filing a police report and pressing charges against an abuser who is violent or threatening violence, is an important step in documenting and stopping the abuse. Stalking and harrassment are also against the law, so there are legal means to protect yourself. Find out what the criteria are for these laws and what your options are. The police are trained to help everyone who needs protection from abuse; and though you may feel because you are a man, the police won't believe you, the protection of the law is designed to protect you too. o An Emergency Protection Order (EPO) is a legal restraining order the police can put into place immediately, if the threat against you is significant enough to warrant it; that is, if the threat is significant and imminent. This will restrict her access to you upon threat of arrest if she does not comply. If the threat against you does not meet the standard for an EPO, you may file a request for a Temporary Restraining Order with the court. o In a real crisis, if she is violent and attempting to injure you, try to get away. If you can't get out of the situation, dial 911 and let the police help you. If things are out of control and you try to stay and handle it yourself, not only do you risk being seriously injured, you run the risk of injuring her during an altercation; if you strike back and injure her, you will be held acountable for your actions. Legal assistance o Familiy Law Court Most legal issues regarding abusive relationships will be filed and heard in Family Law Court. Consult a Family Law attorney if there are children and custody issues you are concerned about, or an impending divorce.
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Assistance for Family and friends

If someone close to you is being abused or mistreated by the woman in his life, here are some things you can do:

Realize he may be embarrassed and reluctant to talk about it; be sensitive in your approach. Acknowledge how difficult the situation must be for him. Talk with him openly, expressing concern for his safety, well-being etc. Avoid making speeches - talk with him not at him, and be a good listener. Dont say harsh, demeaning things about the woman hes involved with. Let him know he is not alone, other men do have this problem, and there is help available. Reinforce the idea that there is no place for abuse in a love relationship and that emotional abuse and physical violence are never okay. Direct him to the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW.org) at (888) 743-5754; they specialize in male survivors and may be able to provide resources in his local area. Direct him to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) for possible resources in his local area. o The National Hotlines will gladly take phone calls from any concerned family member or friend, and will provide information and resources for you as well, so you may better help the person you are concerned about. Be ready to help him, if you can, to put a safe exit plan together, to manage the details with care. Direct him to this website, from a safe computer location, for further information and resources. Provide a copy of The Secret Lives... for him when it is available and encourage him to read through it.

Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

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Women Abusement Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, dont hesitate to reach out. There is help available.

Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of painand your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partnerconstantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-upchances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more yes answers, the more likely it is that youre in an abusive relationship.

Emotional abuse: Its a bigger problem than you think

When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted. But not all abusive relationships involve violence. Just because youre not battered and bruised doesnt mean youre not being abused. Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlookedeven by the person being abused. Understanding emotional abuse The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If youre the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.
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Women Abusement Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you dont do what they want. You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse sometimes even more so.

The cycle of violence in abusement

Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

Abuse Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss." Guilt After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. Hes more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior. Excuses Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavioranything to avoid taking responsibility.
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Women Abusement "Normal" behavior The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time. Fantasy and planning Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what youve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality. Set-up Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.

Your abusers apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

For eg:Man abuses the woman. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "i'm sorry for hurting you." what he does not say is, "because i might get caught." he then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "if you weren't such a worthless whore i wouldn't have to hit you." he then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." he has just set her up.

Speak up if you suspect abuse

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If youre hesitatingtelling

yourself that its none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about itkeep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.

Do's and Don'ts

Do:

Ask if something is wrong. Express concern.

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Listen and validate. Offer help. Support his or her decisions.

Dont:

Wait for him or her to come to you. Judge or blame. Pressure him or her. Give advice. Place conditions on your support.

Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that youre concerned. Point out the things youve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that youre there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that youll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that youll help in any way you can. Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet theyve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.

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Conclusion

Lastly,to all of the women who are victims of abusive relationships and who happen to come across this situation, REMEMBER this..someone giving you a black swollen eye is not a sign that they love you,its a sign they have issues that has nothing to do with you and its time for you to get away from them. Women are made to be loved,cared for and to be protect.not to be hit,slapped or kicked.

Bibliography
www.google.com www.scribd.com www.helpguide.org www.womenabusing.org

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