Ryan Thomas

11/1/07
Admissions Essay

Topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or

ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Phoenix Rising

I was obsessed. Day after day I spent hours alone, breathing life into my creation.
As the months went on, I slowly saw it take shape. At last, one day I felt I was finished
perfecting it. “The Doorman”, as I called it, was without doubt the best poem I had ever
written.
I was ready to allow others to read it, so I could see if I had crafted something
worthwhile. Starting with my friends, I showed “The Doorman” to many people I knew,
eventually giving a copy to my Literature teacher. Amazingly, few of them disliked it,
and I was constantly being complimented on the work, to my delight. But as the days
went on, I started to feel that something was wrong. I was being praised by my friends,
classmates, and teacher, and I still felt oddly awkward when I discussed the poem with
them. Never before had this happened to me – it felt like I was baring a piece of my soul
to whoever saw the poem. Then, on those occasions where I was criticized, I felt like it
was me, not the poem, under scrutiny. I couldn’t stand that feeling of nakedness, but then
again, the joy of being admired was incredible!
But what to do with the poem? I couldn’t just keep on thrusting it in all of my
friend’s faces for their mandatory, more considerate than reverential, praise; I wanted to
know, once and for all, how good or bad my work was. I decided to submit it to The
Phoenix, the school’s literary magazine. This would mean showing my poem to the
whole school, if it was published. I hadn’t considered anything so bold – even sharing
the poem with friends had been unsettling. Yet the more I considered it, the more I
yearned to see my poem in print, to be congratulated on my work. Finally, I decided to
send in “The Doorman”. The next day, the fear started. What would happen? If the
poem was really published, everyone could see it – not just my friends, or my teachers,
who at least respected me, but every student in the school! That meant that the kids who
had picked on me for years would have a fresh target! This time, it wasn’t just my
confidence I was risking – if I had to endure snide remarks about “The Doorman”, I was
sure I’d never want to write anything else. This was my first chance to see if I was any
good at poetry, or if I’d just embarrass myself by trying, and by the time the magazine
was published, I couldn’t bear to find out.
When I saw that the poem had made the cut, and was on the first page, I couldn’t
help but worry even more. At least in the middle of the book, less interested readers like
the ones I feared would probably miss the poem! But I had to face the music, so to
speak. I had decided, out of pride, to risk humiliation; anything that happened because of
that was my burden to bear. As the week wore on, the magazine circulated around the
school. Then one day, as I was walking down the hall, I froze. Walking towards me,
with The Phoenix in his hands, was Jack, one of the jocks who tormented me in past
years. Suddenly he looked up from the magazine, and saw me standing still in front of
him. But instead of sneering or laughing, as I thought he would, he merely looked me in
the eyes, half-smiled, and said, “Hey Thomas, not bad.”