Adam Behnke Interpersonal Communication Professor Langan 04 December 2009 Tuesdays and beyond Paper Lauren F.

Winner, in her book Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity, provides fresh insight into the struggles and joys of a Christians life of chastity. As she says, chastity is a commitment to having sex in its proper place (134). Two areas of Christian sexuality Winner discusses are the effects of Christian community and the attitude defining sex itself. Throughout the process, Winner demonstrates an understanding of interpersonal communication concepts. In the context of Christian community, Winner believes our sexuality should be discussed more freely and openly so that we are often challenged and continuously held accountable. This idea is taken from the chapter entitled Communal Sex: Or, Why Your Neighbor Has Any Business Asking You What You Did Last Night. By entering into a relationship with the Lord and getting baptized, Christians commit to discipleship and intentional community with other Christians (Winner 53). She asserts that sexuality is public business and a social concern because it is an integral part of human existence and the forming of more mature Christian individuals (Winner 52). Winner wants Christians to take hold and utilize the Church, or Body of believers, in its function of reminding ourselves who we are, and why we do what we do (60). Her vision of a tight-knit community with deep friendships that enhance and mature each part is enticing and entirely biblical.

The reason Winner even needs to write persuasively to convince the Christian community to open up about sexuality stems from the fact that sex is often a taboo topic. Sexual relations is an awkward and touchy subject to talk about with friends. It feels inappropriate for Emily to ask Mary about her many night hours spent with boyfriend Jake. Marys relationship with Jake seemingly has nothing to do with Marys relationship with Emily; it is an extra-relationship activity, which they usually do not discuss. Also, questioning Mary about her time with Jake could perhaps be a conflict-inducing topic, and Mary most likely will not want to disclose anything that will make her look bad (negatively-valanced self-disclosure). Winner recognizes this but desires for her readers to understand it is as important a subject of discussion as any other. Even further, sexuality is a difficult issue of disclosure because it is viewed as a intensely personal subject. Winner is asking her readers to act against their natural selves, against the Social Penetration Theory. She never says, only involve your closest friends when talking about your own sexuality; rather, each Christian is accountable to every other Christian and should be in open dialogue with struggles and advice from their own personal sexual experience. The community of Christians is just that; a community which challenges and confronts and seeks advice about sexuality regardless of familiarity with each other. This model of relationships and disclosure is difficult because it stands in contrast to the Social Penetration Theory. Another claim Winner makes involves a mindset and perspective-change. She says, To be premaritally chaste is not to sit passively by and simply avoid sex; it is to participate in an active protection of a created good (118). Many sexual sins can creep into the life of a bachelor(ette) if he or she is not embracing abstinence or forming habits which establish married

sex as fully good and premarital sex as inferior and harmful. Winner makes many distinctions between premarital and married sex. Premarital sex establishes sex as thrilling and exciting, an activity which is mind-blowing and exhilarating because of its unpredictability and spontaneity. When sex is cast in this scenario, married couples are dissatisfied and disappointed. But, as Winner describes, married sex should in fact be satisfying and predictable, a commonplace activity which lends greater stability to a marriage. Because it is intended and occurs in the deep relationship of marriage, married sex carries many dynamics and dimensions which the couple needs to navigate through and work together on. Winners description of those who have premarital sex and its subsequent harmful effects draws a close comparison to the dynamics of an eros-love relationship. For Christians to have premarital sex in the face of biblical mandates to abstain proves their love focus. Eros lovers are sexual and overly concerned with beauty and pleasure and finding fulfillment solely in the highs of sex. It is a quick love that is not interested in consequences, but only in the meeting selfish needs of the present. Rather, Winners image of the marriage relationship --more specifically the sex-life of that relationship-- aligns with storge-love, a love founded on commitment, trust, compassion, and unselfishness. Whereas eros-love, which might contribute to premarital sex in relationships, is shallow and image-based, storge-love is deeper, fuller, and primarily occurs in long-term relationships, such as marriage. From recognizing the difficulty of disregarding the Social Penetration theory of relationships to affirming the benefits of storge-love, Lauren F. Winners book Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity stands strong against interpersonal communication criticism and is a valuable tool for Christians in their striving towards a life of chastity.