Nonverbal Communication

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isnt being said. You cannot not communicate. Non-verbal communication refers to all stimuli (except meaningful words) generated by individuals in a communicative set-up. The non-verbal message may accompany the verbal message (a smile with a greeting) or it may occur alone (selecting the back seat in a staff meeting). Non-verbal messages are typically more spontaneous than verbal messages but that does not mean they are any less important. One study has shown that only 7% of the meaning communicated by most messages comes from the verbal portion, with the remaining 93% being communicated non-verbally. Non-verbal communication occurs not only between people but also internally. People grimace, stand in certain postures, and behave so as to reinforce to themselves certain positions, attitudes and implicit beliefs. Unconsciously they suggest to themselves the role they choose to play: submissive or dominant, trusting or wary, controlled or spontaneous. Non-verbal or silent language has recently been shown to play an important role in two areas directly related to management: how managers motivate their employees and how the executives communicate their leadership and decision-making style. Studies have also shown the importance of non-verbal cues in the processes of job interviews and advertising. Advantages of learning non-verbal communication The key benefit derived from the knowledge of NVC is Understanding- of others and ourselves. This understanding sharpen our perception in many ways, for instance, we can gauge what pleases some people, what offends others; and anticipate others reactions to specific situations and influence their decisions for the better. Thus, such understanding makes relationships smoother and more constructive. Our attempts at understanding others reflect in our understanding of ourselves. We not only receive the signals others send us, but we become increasingly aware of the signals we ourselves send out. An awareness of the way in which we behave helps us transform our negative behaviors into positive ones. This awareness will enable us to interpret our own and others body-language more objectively and meaningfully. It will help us empathize with others more effectively.

Functions of NVC 1) To create impressions: physical appearance, kinesics, chronemics and other cues. 2) To manage interactions: facial expressions, vocalics and even proxemics are used to signal turns in conversation. 3) Expressing emotions 4) To send relational messages: non-verbal are used to convey affection, power, respect and dominance 5) To convey deception Types of NVC: 1) Kinesics: kinesics can be defines as the non-verbal behavior related to movement, either of any part of the body, or the body as a whole. It is also the anthropological term for body language. It includes facial expressions, postures and gestures. a) Facial expressions: the face can be used to communicate emotional meaning more than any other medium in inter-personal communication. Facial expressions tell the attitudes of the communicator. Researchers have discovered that certain facial areas reveal our emotional state better than others. Facial expressions also provide information about a communicators thought process. b) Posture: posture refers to the way we conduct ourselves in front of an audiencethe way we sit, stand, or move. In a nutshell, posture is indicative of attention, involvement, relative status of persons, and the degrees to which another person is liked. Posture can also reveal the intensity of emotional states and is almost always studied in conjunction with other kinds of communication behavior. c) Gestures: gestures are actions. In other words, the term refers to the movement of the parts of body to express or elaborate some messages. Gestures can be broadly classified into two categories: conscious and spontaneous. 2) Oculesics: Oculesics is the way eyes are used during a communication exchange. This may include eye contact or the avoidance of eye-contact. It may also include all other eye movements, such as looking up or away while talking. Oculesic movements are also frequently associated with kinesic movements. 3) Haptics: Haptics or tactile communication or touch is an important form of communication. Touch helps groups form bonds and stay peaceful. Touch can convey many factors such as intentions, feelings- both positive and negativerelationships, respect, and so on. In interpreting touch, you need to consider when, where, and how the touch is used. The extent of touch you need, tolerate, receive

4) and initiate depends upon the extent and the kind of touch you receive in your family. In business situations, touching suggests dominance. 5) Proxemics: proxemics is the study of the nature, degree, and effect of the spatial separation individuals naturally maintain. It defines regions around people and the acceptable social behavior in those zones. As the distance between two people decreases, the degree of intimacy increases. Space, distance, and territory are factors related to proxemic communication. 6) Personal appearance: personal appearance is a major factor used to judge a person simply because the first impression of a person is based on his/her appearance. People can change their appearance by changing their clothing styles, hairstyles, and other accessories or artifacts. This channel of non-verbal communication confers meaning that is transmitted by physical characteristics of the body, attire, and the accessories. 7) Paralanguage/ vocalics: Paralanguage refers to all vocally produced sound that is not a direct form of linguistic communication. Thus, paralanguage includes utterances that may have strong signifying traits but no semantic meaning. This non-lexical vocal communication, in its broadest sense, as it can suggest many emotional nuances. 8) Chronemics: chronemics refers to the use of time as a message system, including punctuality, amount of time spent with another, and waiting time. Body Language in Business John Mole (1999) gives graphic descriptions of the four basic modes of body language in business. Open Responsive Forward Combative Closed Reflective Back Fugitive

Open- These are gestures indicating Open attitudes- open palms, open arms, open body; (no physical gestures like crossed arms or crossed legs) face- to- face body direction. Closed- into this category fall the most obvious gestures and postures, like crossed arms, crossed legs, body turned away. Forward- this involves postures that indicate a person is active in the communication process. He will lean forward, feet firmly planted on the ground; he points towards you when he actively accepts or rejects a message. Back- this indicates leaning-back postures, staring at the ceiling, doodling, or cleaning ones glasses, signaling whether the person is passively absorbing or ignoring the message. One can find combinations of these posture groups in four basic modes, as follows: The responsive mode- Open-forward: There is active acceptance. Watch out for such gestures as leaning forward, open body, open arms and palms, open legs, a sprint position, or feet under the chair, hands flat on the table. The reflective mode- Open-Back: there is interest and receptivity, but no active acceptance. There will be body language cues such as tilted head, smiles, plenty of eye contact with frequent blinks, or looking up and to the right, and nods. The person may sit with legs crossed in the figure-4 position, or stand with arms behind his back. He may use mouth-feeders such as the frame of his glasses or a pencil, or he may stroke his chin. The fugitive mode- Closed- back: there is an attempt to escape, either physically out of the door or mentally into boredom, clear clues will be the blank stare, frowning, clenched hands, and slumped posture, legs crossed at the knees, foot tapping, looking around, and feet pointing to the exit. The combative mode- Closed- Forward: there is active resistance. Obvious cues are staring, frowning, pointing, and tapping a finger and / or foot, leaning forward, or hands on hips. If the person is lying, he will cover his mouth, touch his face, pull an ear, glance at you, shift in his seat, keep his eyes on the floor, or look down and to the left. In terms of salesmanship, when a person is responsive, it is time to close a sale, ask for agreement or demand a concession. In the reflective mode, it is advisable to close the sale or ask for agreement or present further facts and incentives. Or, as an alternative, keep quiet and give the client time to mull things over. In a fugitive- mode situation one must do all in ones power to arouse the interest of the client. In a combative situation,

confrontation must be avoided, anger diffused, and the client steered into the reflective mode. The 7 Cs of non-verbal communication: 1) Cluster- Gestures come in clusters. These reveal several attitudes of the person. Gestures must not be interpreted in isolation. 2) Context- The overall situation or context of the person- his surroundings, environment- is relevant to the interpretation of a gesture cluster. For instance, a gesture like holding a hand as a mouth guard would generally mean that a person is withholding a secret; but in a different context, like in a dentists waiting room, his gesture would indicate that the person has a tooth problem. 3) Congruence-This means perceiving if each gesture matches the other gestures or the verbal content that accompanies it. A person may wear a (false) smile to pretend he is open but this might be mismatched with his avoiding looking the other in the eye, lack of body movement, giving clipped answers, all of which indicate that he has a closed mind. 4) Control- A person may try to control his gestures and put up a front to hide his real feelings or to cover up a lie. But there are bound to be leakages if one observes his body movements closely, especially his eyes, that may give him away. This applies also to those who fake gestures. 5) Culture- One must be sensitive to the cultural variations that are found in gestures that appear similar but mean different things in different cultures. 6) Commonality- Most gestures have similar meanings universally; they cut across the boundaries of caste, color, creed, and culture: the smile, the frown, the head nods, the shrugging of shoulders, clenched fists, clapping, pointing a finger and so on. 7) Caution- One must be cautious in interpreting gestures, facial expression, body movement, and proximity, given the above distinctions. Many facial expressions are fleeting (one fifth of a second). One must observe them closely and take concomitant gestures and verbal statements into consideration before making judgments and labeling a pattern of nonverbal behavior. General principles of non-verbal communication 1) You cannot stop sending nonverbal messages 2) Non-verbals are highly ambiguous in themselves.

3) If there is a contradiction between the verbal and non-verbal signals, non-verbals are likely to display the true meaning of the message, hence they are more likely to be trusted by the interpreter. Neuro-linguistic programming: Bridging the fields of verbal and nonverbal communication is the concept known as neuro-linguistic programming or NLP. NLP is the technology for studying the structure of subjective experiences. It involves a) the identifying of language patterns b) observing body language By the studying of these two areas, the thought processes of an individual are interpreted. The science behind NLPThe world is known to us through our senses-sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste. Each experience of ours goes through these senses to a particular part of the brain where it is processed and stored. This data, after undergoing transformations, becomes our perception. These individual models of assimilation are known as representational systems. Since they are formed from our senses, these systems are named after them; visual (for sight), kinesthetic (for feeling), auditory (for hearing), and olfactory (for smell and taste). In body language, we deal largely with the first three. NLP theorizes that an individual has all these representational systems in his/her neurological network, but one system dominates. We may say a person is predominantly visual or kinesthetic or auditory. S/he may use a combination of each of these categories at different times. By observing the way a person talks and moves, an NLP practitioner would be able to tell which system the speaker is operating from. Predicates: The descriptive words and phrases that people use to communicate their experiences are called predicates in NLP. The way a person speaks, the predicates s/he uses, gives a good idea of the system s/he is using at that time. If a person prefers a particular system over the others, over a period of time, most of his/her predicates will be with reference to that system. Accessing Cues: Besides the application of predicates (speech patterns), NLP works on the basis of cues. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Physiological cues: These are physical (body-type) indicators. Ocular accessing cues: The movement of the eyes Breathing cues Voice cues Memory accessing cues

The Representational SystemsThe Visual Person--- A person who is primarily visual tends to see reality in pictures. S/he accesses the visual part of their brain in communication. They attempt to put words to their pictures and so speak in visual metaphors. They describe how things look to them, generally using phrases like I see what you mean and Let me see if I can remember. Visual people are generally thin; they tend to stand erect, neck straight and stiff. Their movements are stiff and jerky. The movement of the eyes is up right and eyes defocused. Breathing high and fast with irregular and shallow breaths is their characteristic. Voice is high-pitched and nasal and maybe strained. While accessing memory, they straighten their body, look up and gesture. The Kinesthetic Person--- Persons who are primarily kinesthetic react to feelings. They relate to the physical world, using phrases such as I feel I have been in touch with. I have to get a hold on things. Kinesthetics have a soft, full body. They have rounded shoulders and lean slightly forward while speaking or listening. They look up and then down while reflecting to answer a question. Deep breathing is the characteristic of this individual Voice is a low, deep one. While accessing kinesthetic information, s/he will tend to look down. The Auditory Person--- Those who are primarily auditory are selective about the words they use. There is a great resonance in their voice; they speak in a slow, rhythmical, and paced manner. They value words, and this can be seen in their careful choice of words. They use phrases such as I can hear what you are saying Does that sound alright? Auditory persons are usually slim Even breathing patterns with a typically prolonged exhalation is the hallmark of the auditory person. The voice is clear and resonant While accessing auditory information, s/he will look at the side, slant the head and cross the arms.

How NLP helps: After observing a person and perceiving which system s/he prefers, it is easy for the observer to establish immediate rapport and trust by using predicates that match his/hers. For instance, if we identify a person as visual, it is necessary to look at him while speaking or listening. If we turn our head away while he is speaking, he will take it for granted that we are not listening. Moreover, while dealing with a visual person we must keep our distance; getting too close makes him uncomfortable, because he likes to take in a complete picture of his surroundings. He will generally keep a physical distance so that he can observe our every movement. This distancing and observation may give the impression that he is looking down on us, but actually he is not. Kinesthetic persons interpret reality through feelings. They move physically close to the person they are interacting with, close enough to touch them. They obtain their information through closeness and touch. Auditory persons will position themselves close enough to be able to hear the other, but will avoid both physical and eye contact. They will down and away from the other while listening so that they do not get distracted.