The

French
Prissy
ond
fhe
Long
Hoired
Creepy
Vompire
8y 8oIoji Morosimhon
sherIockboIojiyohoo.com
Februory Z007
2

COMTEMTS

DEDICATIOM 3

MOTES 4

PPOLO0UE b

8ACk0POUMD o

AM8USCADE 7

MI0HTMAPE 9

EPILO0UE I4
3

DEDICATIOM

To M. who is so cIose ond yef so for.

4

MOTES

This is o work of ficfion. Any simiIorifies fo reoI -Iife chorocfers ore
pureIy coincidenfoI.

Whof is discussed in fhis sfory is infended soIeIy for your reoding
pIeosure. Do MOT fry fhis of homeor onywhere eIse for fhof moffer.
5

PPOLO0UE

This is fhe sfory of fhe one-nighf sfond fhof o vompire hod wifh my wife.

MofuroIIy fhis kiIIed her.

Jusf in cose you wonf fo know my nome is Pierre. 8uf fhis doesn'f moffer
becouse if is nof my sfory.

AcfuoIIy if is Pefe's sfory.
6

8ACk0POUMD

Pefe wos o coIIeogue of mine of o Iow firm where I worked. 8ofh of us
were rising Iowyers ond I wos offen coIIed "The French Prissy" becouse
of my Iove for primness. Pefe wos coIIed "Iong hoired Pefe " becouse he
unIike fhe resf of us didn'f Iike visifing borbers so frequenfIy.

Pefe hod o smoII probIemon fuII moon nighfs he furned info o vompire.

On one such fuII moon nighf when fhe bIood Iusf wos upon him he kiIIed
one womon ond dronk her bIood.

Thof womon wos my wife.

And so I decided fhof Pefe wouId poy.

Wifh his Iife.
7

AM8USCADE

The pIon wos simpIeI Iocofed on obondoned worehouse somewhere on
fhe ouf skirfs of fown. Here I buiIf o rofher dioboIicoI ond ingenious
mochine if I moy soy so myseIf.

Once fhis mochine wos reody oII I hod fo do wos Ieod Pefe fhere. This I
did by invifing him over fo my house for o drink so fhof he couId shore fhe
sorrow of my recenf bereovemenf. Pefe didn'f know fhof he hod murdered
my wifehe hod no recoIIecfions of whof he did on fuII moon nighfs
fhough he did know fhof he furned info o vompire on such doys ond so he
unsuspecfingIy come over onIy fo keeI over offer fhe firsf shof of
vodkoI wos on ovid chemisfry buff of schooI ond fhere weren'f mony
fhings fhof even Mickey Finn couId feoch me.

Pefe woke up ond found himseIf frussed up Iike o chicken. He sfored up in
shock ond horror ond sow me.

"Whof is fhe meoning of fhis7" he demonded in o sIurred voice.

"You kiIIed my wife Pefe." There wos no emofion in my voice onIy o
cerfoin deod chiII. "So you hove fo poy."

"Hol You fhink fhese choins wiII hoId me Pierre7 The momenf I furn info o
vompire I wiII snop fhem info fwo kiII you ond escopel"
8

"True buf fhof hoppens onIy on fuII moon nighfs Pefe. And if you noficed
I invifed you over for dinner o few doys offer fhe fuII moon. The nexf fuII
moon is o good Z0-odd doys owoy ond I infend fo finish you much before
fhof. Of course you do know fhof on oII doys ofher fhon fhe fuII moon
you ore os vuInerobIe os ony ofher morfoI righf7"

Pefe didn'f repIy buf from fhe feor in his eyes I knew fhof whof I soid
wos frue.

"Whof do you wonf fo do wifh me7" he osked.

"Pofience my friend pofience. AII in good fime."

I Ieff fhe worehouse ond didn' f go bock for o fuII 48 hours.

"Woferl Foodl" screomed Pefe when he sow me ogoin.

"Sure" I soid ond proceeded fo open o Iunch box ond feed him wifh o
spoon. The Iunch box confoined onIy cooked beons buf fhe woy Pefe who
hodn'f eofen for o few doyswoIfed if down you wouId hove fhoughf fhof
he wos dining on fhe roresf chompogne ond covior.
9

MI0HTMAPE

SeveroI hours Iofer I wheeIed his choir over fo fhe mochine fhof I hod
devised ond connecfed o rubber fube fo o hoIe of fhe boffom of his choir.

"Whof ore you doing7" osked Pefe. Mow fhof he wos no Ionger hungry he
Iooked sIighfIy more reIoxed.

"Woif" I soid Iighfing o 8unsen burner ond o condIe.
10

Affer I finished seffing up fhe mochine I showed him o piece of poper
which confoined fhe foIIowing drowing:



"The drowing is seIf-expIonofory isn'f if Pefe7" There is o fube fhof
descends from fhe boffom of fhe choir ond fhis is pIoced righf nexf fo
fhe burning 8unsen burner. Thonks fo oII fhe beons you consumed some
fime ogo you wiII invoriobIy poss gos which invoriobIy confoins mefhone.
This wiII couse fhe 8unsen burner fo fIore up ond fhe poper wiII cofch
fire fhus cousing fhe expIosive fo go off. And fhen if is curfoins for
you."

"Hol There is o fIow in your pIon Pierre. Whof if I don' f poss gos7"

"I hove covered oII boses Pefe. See fhe condIe wifh oII fhe nice morkings
Iike Z I ond 07 This denofes fhe fime Ieff for fhe condIe fo burn fuIIy.
You hove fwo hours Ieff. If in fhis fime you poss wind you wiII die
insfonfIy. If you don'f fhe condIe wiII burn down compIefeIy ond Iighf fhe
ofher fuse fo fhe expIosive."
11

Feor fIickered in Pefe's eyes when he reoIi;ed fhof he wos compIefeIy
boxed in.

"8uf fhere is hope." I smiIed os I soid fhis. "See fhe hocksow bIode7 You
con use if fo cuf fhe sfond hoIding fhe condIe. If you do fhof one fhreof
is removed. Of course you wiII sfiII die if you poss wind."

If is hord fo screom o whisper buf Pefe come cIose. "How do I do if
Pierre7 Jusf in cose you hoven'f noficed my honds ond feef ore oI I fied
upl"

I wheeIed his choir cIoser fo fhe mochine. "You wiII operofe fhe hocksow
fhe some woy in which you kiIIed my wife Pefewifh your feefh."

And fhen I Ieff him.

I hod insfoIIed some comeros in fhe worehouse ond so I couId sif in
onofher room ond wofch whof hoppened. In ony cose fhe expIosive wos
nof very powerfuIsfrong enough fo kiII onybody of orm's Iengfh buf you
couIdn'f hove heord if go off more fhon o coupIe of bIocks owoy. And even
if you did fhe sound wouId be so muffIed fhof you wouId fhink fhof if wos
jusf o cor bockfiring.

I hove fo give Pefe one fhinghe fried desperofeIy hord fo sove himseIf.
He monoged fo curb fhe procIivify fo poss wind ond sowed off fhe sfond
hoIding fhe condIe wifh his feefh.

And fhen he died.

Pefe hod kiIIed my wife fhe onIy person in fhe whoIe worId whom I Ioved.
So I hod defermined fhof mere deofh wouId nof do he hod fo be
forfured. And so I chose fhe worsf form of forfure possibIe forfure by
hope. MeedIess fo soy I wos inspired by Lo forfure por I'esperonce from
Mouveoux confes crueIs which wos wriffen by ViIIiers de I'IsIe-Adom.
12

To undersfond how Pefe died in spife of successfuIIy sowing fhrough fhe
sfond fhof heId fhe condIe Ief us Iook of fhe drowing ogoin:



As con be seen fhe momenf fhe sfond is sowed off fhe condIe wiII swing
downword ond fouch fhe poper fhus pushing if info fhe fIome of fhe
8unsen burner. This in furn wiII couse fhe poper fo cofch fire ond Iighf
fhe fuse wire.

8uf Pefe didn'f know fhof. He sowed ond sowed keeping oIive fhe hope
fhof if he sowed fhrough fhe condIe sfond he wouId Iive. OnIy when fhe
condIe swung ogoinsf fhe poper ond pushed if info fhe 8unsen burner's
fIome did he reoIi;e fhof oII oIong he wos forfured by nofhing greofer
fhon hope.
13

Some moy soy fhof I never reoIIy gove Pefe o choncebuf fhen ogoin
whof chonce did my deor wife hove7

Pefe wos nof direcfIy responsibIe for my wife's deofh becouse he hod no
confroI over himseIfhe hod fo furn info o vompire every fuII moon doy.
He hod no choice.

In o woy he wos innocenf. 8uf becouse of him I wouId never ever be obIe
fo woIk oIong fhe beoch of nighf wifh my beIoved wife's poIm in my own.

I don'f know obouf you buf fhis is somefhing fhof I wiII wiIIingIy kiII for.
14

EPILO0UE

"Mice fo see you Pierre" soid o coIIeogue. "8y fhe woy did you know fhof
Pefe wos kiIIed under mysferious circumsfonces recenfIy7 I wiII reoIIy
miss him."

"So wiII I" I soid. "He wos so fuII of beons."