4 faced coin...

Everyone believes there are three types of people in this world,'good,bad and gr ey' but this story is about fourth one,the 'assholes'breed to which i belong..ha ppily and proudly. This is me for people who don't know me(almost everyone...almost!!). Name:Kumar Gaurav height:5'8" complexion:fair sexuality:straight and horny type:asshole!! A brief intro: Born in emergency period..riots all over..our very own Rajeev Gandhi was murdere d..what a period to be born..1984!6 yrs.younger to my sis and single son of a ve ry loving and very middle class family of a middle class city,KANPUR(U.P.). In my youngerhood i found myself that i am agressive,simple and mildly asshole.K ANPUR have its own life to which i was introduced soon,being younger brother to a beautiful sis i encountered males of her age getting crazy on her and she reci procated positively.. My parents also realized the process of parenting and tried to harness my sis an d in the sequence fights,brawls,murder was encountered by me in a very adolscent age..i vowed i will never love as its brings disrepute..bt destiny is a bitch! My schooling was good,parents,friends evreyone was so pleasant..being aggresive i was into fights,gangs but after an extreme accident i flew to delhi for a bett er future and to embark a new journey of my lifetime!I was studying 3d animation there but when i was free of chatting,hangout,sleeping and masturbation but til l then i was unaware of what its feel to touch a girl and i was of 23 then...bt not guilty of being a virgin.. via chatting my life changed dramatically... I met first love of my life,lets call it 'A' Name:'A' height:5'4" complexion:fair sexuality:straight type:Grey So, I can call her first love of my life.She was first for whom i dreamt and pla nned a future,listened to nice romantic songs,kissed on mobile..oops i forgot to tell we were in long distance relationship. I was in Delhi and she was located somewhere close to my hometown so the most ti me of our was on mobile,chat.We met soon in real and she was too good looking fo r me..i was a lucky asshole..nice figure,fair complexion,rosy and fleshy lips... grrr...lemme be sane...breath deep!!!!! So,back to point...i brought her home..my home is big enough to be lost..i invit ed her for a guided tour of my home sweet home..she agreed and when we were in l ast room..i holded her and kissed her on lips and then we both forget to count h ow many and where..it was pure ecstacy. She was nice lady but i was more horny and poor then nice.I use to treat her on her expenses..and at the same time i was too much physical intimate with her.Tru ly speaking i was a bad asshole but i loved her a lot and she did too but her da d faced transfer to a better place ,we can call it a rich state,GUJRAT. GUJRAT is a nice state unlike U.P. it gives people more space and freedom and it was something very new to her.She was on her new journey of her own individuali ty aprat from parents,culture and even me...she joined airhostess career where s

he became aware that she was too gorgeous for me.New acquaintances,new praisers and who wants to remember an asshole when sweet mouthed people are there.Anyways soon we met with loads of differences and she fell in love with some married gu y(unknowningly) and we broke up..i cried..i shouted but i was calm after a perio d of darkness because 'B' was in my life nw... I met a great person,lets call it 'B' Name:'B' height:5'1" complexion:wheatish sexuality:orthodox type:Good Hmmmm!!'B' she was also my net friend but just a friend till 'A' left.She use to feel for me but i was loyal to my gal.'B'was a muslim gal,cultured with deep is lamic teachings,honest.So,when she feel I am lonely and depressed she nurtured m e and given me support i needed.I was jobless and livewire before meeting her bu t after destruction i encountered i was humble and sincere and she given me a po sitive direction to seek new vistas. I started my own venture and soon I started earning good.When we have support an d we become busy in life we dont care to stop and notice what we are sowing in o ur karma.Soon she declared love and i was under heavy debt of her gratitude..i a ccepted!!! She was close to my residence still we seldom meet and honestly I never felt lov e for her but a sense of gratitude,respect and care..Inside her there wer darkne ss and emptiness which i felt as a duty to heal..I motivated her,I cared for her ,I made her to feel worthy to live all to sum up i did wat i taken from her. After a period of 2 years we both were happy and contended in our lives,she was in love with me while i was feeling like a man who kept his words..still i have to be with her till her marriage but absence of sex,laughter and joy i was juz s erving her to make her smile...so again chatting changed my stream and i met 'C' ...the most prominent one and the main reason to write this story...... Name:'c' height:5'1" complextion:fair sexuality:burning hot type:grey so 'c' is here...sounds sushi thou...lol...'c'..the biggest change in my life pr ocess till date.She was my long tym acquaintance and fantasy,I don't know but i discovered I am fetish(still i am) for elder women and if they are plump then it s a bonus..i don't like skeletons wearing tee's and jeans.I like plump,indian ,e lder chic and 'c' was married,sensous,arousing and inviting...this was all i not iced at first...but there was more than eyes meets. She was more youthful than me at the age of 34 and open to life,may be that att racted me most because i was searching for a shoulder where i can lean as I was too tired of putting weights on myself and after many happy days I proposed her and she accepted..then started a saga of love,sex,companionship and we enjoy it all for two awesome years. January 2011,it wasnt a happy new year for me... My hard work started paying off and i was getting new projects in a spree,'B' wa s happy in her life but still exits in mine too and 'C' was nt cool with it thou gh i digested the fact that she is married and we both are even and cheating and we were not guilty because of love. My work obsession,presence of 'B' in my life made 'C' lonely and being an asshol e i dint noticed it because at my heart i was in love with her and thaught she u nderstands it all but things were getting ugly..she was getting far from me by e

ach passing day..and i been an ignorant fool continued to just work..work..and n eglecting. One day the demon materialized in form of BREAK UP.This great idea was of mine because i thaught it may work as shock therapy but it backfired,she firmly accep ted it even then i been a legendary asshole because instead of realizing d gravi ty of situation i took it easily and thaught she cant live widout me.........I W AS SO DEAD WRONG. For the first time i felt woman power so strongly.After 7 days of absolute silen ce i made my journey to her city ,all the way i was so sure like if i have alrea dy cracked the deal just have to meet a formal ceremony and the time arrived whe n i met her face to face and there was no love left in her eyes...cutting it sho rt..she moved on!! According to her she found a sincere man in my absence who was there with her in her tough times..kissing her..screwing her..and she was on her journey to a new ly found addictive mistake.. "LOVE IS TRUE FORM OF GOD,sex is true form of human and betrayal is true form of evil"...I was betrayed and being a man knowing this fact that she is happy with someone new beside her hub,me..i cant forcefully drag in my life..THE STORY BEG INS FROM HERE!!!! FOUR FACED COIN-ERA OF PAIN so,here I am without her..sharing my insights,my pain and some hellucinations i lived in 3 months of hell.... LEVEL 1:REPENTENCE This was my first phase and at here I wasnt aware of her involvement with any ot her guy(deep involvement)beside her husband.I knew I was the one reason behind t his,my ignorance,take for granted attitude brought me up here and nothing came i n my mind except accepting my flaws and try to bring back my love.I google that, "how to bring your ex back" and there were journals waiting for me and believe t hose were completely opposite to what i was thinking so i relied on my impulse a nd put those tricks in dustbin and listened to my heart(I should have gone by th ose tricks only!!sigh!!). Simply i was on my knees before her for over a month,crying,yelling and asking t o forgive me..and i was indeed heartly sorry.I was agreeing evry deal she was ma king,i was bearing every step she was taking and swollowing every harsh word she was saying..i swollowed all taunts,rejection,attitude because i was so guilty i nside and this was my way of repentence. I deactivated my facebook,orkut,almost finished my social life..i took my repent ence too seriosuly.and the desire to have her back was more then anything...but all was getting waste until one day... LEVEL 2 :SHATTERED... Once upon a time there was a man going beyond limits just to have what belongs t o him once...yeah you found him..that man is asshole and that is me..I was deali ng with most dark times i seen and was still hopeful because i thaught my girl i s just annoyed with me but there was a skeleton in the closet and she revealed i t... She too was in guilt(this is her version) because she cheated me..I was like W.. HA..T THE F..UKK..she told me she met a old acquaintance and he was so helpful t hat she surrendered before him in every way.I was trembling..I was shattered!!! Even this moment its gettin tough to write..that one moment blew me off.... I wasnt a saint but to believe just in a revengeful attitude and because guy is so welcoming we cant forbid the line of morality breaking up all vows and promis es that too in period of just one month..and this was not alone the bigger one w as..she didnt told me since the beginning..when i was there infront of her,we ta

lked,when i cried before her and she walked mercilessly at all those times she w as feeling guilty???I wasnt aware of these kind of guilt feeling yet...I was sha ttered man! That was the time when i thaught like a man and asked myself if she is happy wit h him and he is obviously getting a easy fuck and a nice being so why he will re gret then what i am doing in between?and i took a low profile..I let her go to e njoy that guilt and mistake. I was burning inside yet i was still in love with her.damn!!each moment i was li ke fighting with myself..listening to dark songs,being silent,dreadend i was lik e paused in my life..still i believed on God and keep continuing loving her with out her prescence.. LEVEL 3:HELLUCINATIONS I am one who lives in a box,not much of social life..just before my comp and day get passed and right now i wasnt active on social networking sites also so i wa s completely in my own shell.I became aggressive,depressed and loner..'B' was co nfused what went wrong but thankfully this anger led to a right way and i freed her too,now i was a complete loner. To get rid of negativity i too thaught to get sexually involved with someone and in this meanwhile 'A' was trying to break in my life,she was enough hot to call a temptation but suddenly i felt its again God making a consipiracy against me and my loyalty and i detached her too..my focus was not with me..work was fallin g behind,smile was long gone away,tried to flex some muscles in gym but losers d ont have great bodies and now i know why..they lack focus and will. LEVEL 4:THINKING... This is present tense..I am still thinking about options..i will share with you: 1.To visit her at home and take her and hub on gunpoint with my gang and ask to call that guy to save her..why this insanity???just to prove people are oppurtui nist! 2.To becoming a living legend of love,leaving all for one and continuing this wa y only 3.To build some emotional trap to get her back 4.You can suggest me any..and remember forgetting her is not an option! For now i am continuing my journey in hope that one day she will return with sam e as she was.. "ye mahaan drashya hai,chal rha manushya hai..ashru,shwed,rakht se lath path..la th path..agneepath..agneepath...agneepath"-sri harbansh rai bachhan "this is a legendary view,a man is walking being full of tears,sweat and blood.. .on a road of fire...road of fire...road of fire.."-sri harbansh rai bachhan