KINESICS In a face to face encounter, what you don't say may be more important than what you do say.

Estimates vary, but the lowest ones say that over 60% of communication is nonverbal. Proxemics is one part of nonverbal communication; kinesics is the other. Like spoken language, they vary from culture to culture.
Smiles

The only universal gestures are smiles and frowns. Even with those, you aren't always safe. The Thais, for instance, use a smile as an apology. I found it pretty difficult to remember this when a Thai woman tossed some dirty dishwater out her door and caught me (luckily I was wearing a dress and she only got me from the knees down). She then smiled at me! In the US, you don't smile; you look appalled and apologize profusely. I did remember the Thais use a smile as apology, and in fact do that myself there, but at that moment it was very difficult to overcome my own cultural programming and smile back! I did it though, and even managed a small laugh. The result was that she brought some clean water for me to rinse off with, and a towel to dry myself. Her place was on my route to work and from then on, I got a smile and hello whenever she saw me. However, I did check very carefully to make sure she didn't have a washtub in her hands before I walked by.
Eye contact

In Thailand, I acquired the habit of looking down if I was speaking to someone older, or higher in status. Since I tend to be a bit shy in social situations, I picked up the habit very quickly, and I now find the US standard of direct eye contact a bit disconcerting! In the US, not looking directly at someone when you talk to them is rude. In most of Asia, it is rude to do so, especially if you are of lower 'status' than the person you are speaking to. In fact, even in some parts of the US, looking someone in the eye is interpreted as a challenge. I read a study a few years ago that indicated that one of the reasons that people brought up in the inner cities have trouble getting hired for jobs is that they don't look an interviewer in the eye. This is interpreted as shifty behavior, dishonesty, and so forth. In reality, it is only a cultural difference. If you look someone in the eye in the inner cities, you will probably end up in a fight.
Nods and shakes

One evening in Phuket, I ran across one of my computer customers at a local pub. He complained to me that a Thai he had hired to work on his house had agreed to do

something, and then failed to do it. I knew the worker in question, and that his English wasn't very good. I asked my acquaintance if he was sure the worker had understood. "Yes," he replied "I even asked if he was sure he could do it, and he nodded." I spent the next twenty minutes explaining to this gentleman (I had been in Thailand for three months at the time, he had been there for years) that Thais do not nod to signify yes. A Thai nod means "I respect your authority, I respect you" and that sort of thing. It does not mean yes. The Thai had probably not understood what this guy said (and no, they won't ask)! So, don't assume a nod always means yes, or that a shake always means no! Don't use a nod or a shake and expect to be understood. Both of these differ from culture to culture.
Kinesics Pedantry

Ray L. Birdwhistell began the study of Kinesics. He wrote Introduction to Kinesics (1952). From dictionary.com kinesics (k-nsks, -zks, k-) n. (used with a sing. verb) The study of nonlinguistic bodily movements, such as gestures and facial expressions, as a systematic mode of communication [From Greek kinsis, movement, from kinein, to move; see kei-2 in Indo-European Roots.] kinesic (-sk, -zk) adj.
Smiling

Even in English, we have terms such as grin, smirk, and leer. We also have happy, sad, rueful, wicked, broad, tight and insincere smiles. Keep that in mind if you ever find yourself in Thailand, the land of smiles. They have all these, and many more!
Eye contact

In many cultures and subcultures, eye contact is interpreted as defiance or challenge. In many others, lack of eye contact is interpreted as dishonest or, at best, shyness or embarrassment.
Nods and shakes

Bulgaria and the US are exact opposites; Bulgarians shake the head for yes, and nod it for no. Many cultures tilt the head up to indicate no and some tilt the head to the side to indicate yes. In some of the Asian cultures, a nod is simply a gesture or respect, and has nothing to do with yes or no. |