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The Miami Winter Music Conference is the annual meet'n'greet for the dance industry's
biggest players and wannabe superstar DJs. But it's also, as our step-by-step guide explains,
an excuse for bad clothes, reckless drug binges and mindless misbehauiour. So let's haue i t !
1 Brits abroad
As usual, the Florida holiday massive - sorry, business
people - put on quite a display. Zoe Ball broke a
ten-foot four-poster bod at the Astralwerks
party by hanging off the wooden supports.
Norman's response: 'My wife's mad!' Then
came reports a British DJ tag team scored
some crack, retired to their hotel rooms and
proceeded to go a bit 'rock'n'roll', smashing up their TV sets with a set
of golf clubs. Worse still, a DJ at the Subliminal party had to abandon his
set because the ecstasy he'd taken was making him throw up. Nice
going, fella
2 Dealer's choice
Miami 2002 was short on big records and most of the future
pop hits, like Shakedown's 'At Night', had already been signed
prior to the conference. However, Robbie Riviera's Rokik track,
'Memories' (a hands-aloft house anthem akin to DB
Boulevard's 'Point Of View), was signed to Italian label Airplane for
£200,000. UK labels, including Ministry and Credence, are now trying to
sign the record worldwide. Going price? £400,000. Meanwhile, intimate
modernist crash palace The Hotel was the place to be seen for
wannabe industry players. DJs, A&Rs and PRs were often to been seen
clustered in 'meetings' over a strawberry daiquiri or two. Or three. Or...
3 The tunes
Sex Pistols 'God Save The Queen'
(Neil Barnes remix)
X-Press 2'Lazy'
Metro Area 4 'Daytime Parties'
Tom Middleton 'Take Me With You'
Blaze 'I Remember House'
Josh One 'Contemplation'
-4 M i a m i s t y l e
Looking good: Tiga's pale blue Kangol; Lottie's white
bikini; Jacques Lu Cont, dapper in basket-weave
Northern Soul shoes. Looking for excuses: Judge Jules in a cycling top;
Mr C sporting a peroxide punk haircut, faux barbed wire necklace and
sleeveless red vest at the Danny Tenaglia party. Ugh
5 Party...
... 'til you puke - the best nights out in Miami were:
(1) Astralwerks at beachfront hotel Nikki Beach: proper
sunshine, Jacques Lu Cont (tunes: Playgroup! Peaches!
Shakedown!). Cassius (spinning cool Jaxx-like tracks from
their new album) and Daft Punk (Thomas serene; Guy-
Man in a Transformers T-shirt). The letter's set proved
strangely lacklustre, propped up by old-school house anthems.
But they did score the coolest musical move of the Conference,
opening with the Miami Vice theme tune
(2) International Deejay Gigolo sleazed il up at a strip joint called Vegas
Cabaret. Ice-cool DJ Tiga played his own TBX mix of 'Sunglasses At
Night' and Linda Lamb delivered a trashy, gothic 'Hot Room'. Also
34 THE FACE
sported: Derrick May, both members of Adult., and a stripper wearing a
thong swimsuit which travelled right up her back like a guitar string
(3) Southern Fried at Nash Hotel. Norman Cook rocked fellow superstar
DJs (Erik Morillo, Darren Emerson, Judge Jules) and goggle-eyed candy
ravers alike with a bootleg of Prince's 'I Would Die 4 U', Minimal Funk's
'Definition Of House' and the Kylie/New Order power-bootleg. No one
really needed the ruinous penthouse afterparty, but somehow they
couldn't resist...
(4) Danny Tenaglia's 20-hour maralhon at Space was hot, dark and dirty
- and that was just the outdoor terrace. Yoko Ono performed a live and
screechy version of her newly remixed 1971 B-side Open The Box'.
Some people's ears were still ringing a week later
6 Ouerheard
Norman Cook: Everyone keeps coming up to me
and saying, "I was dancing with your wife last
night'"... Tom Middleton: 'I have now learnt the
verb, "to Miami". I have been Miami-ed... Taxi
driver (after seeing conference-goer picked up in
an ambulance): 'Why do people take drugs, man?
He was vomiting white stuff... Zero 7: 'Miami is making us realise that
LA has real soul and integrity'... Girl in boilersuit to boy in red studded
T-shirt at the Gigolo party: 'Put your hand up my ass, go on. Don't
pretend it won't feel like butter'
7 Spotted!
Armand Van Helden/Ali G leaving the Astralwerks party... House
heavyweight Kenny Dope feasting on rice and beans at a Cuban
restaurant... Jackass star Johnny Knoxville partying hard during the
Stuff magazine party at the Nash Hotel... So Solid Crew cruising
Ocean Drive in Westwood's stretch-jeep... Yoko Ono. Chris Lowe
and an A-Z of DJs international at the Danny Tenaglia party
8 Stats entertainmen t
Estimated attendance: 6,500
Number of parties: 109
Average temperature (outside): 80 degrees
Average temperature (inside): Hot!
Percentage of parties featuring a Radio One DJ:
Length of stretch-jeep hired by Tim Westwood, fi
he broadcast his Radio 1 show: 64 feet
DJs whose record box contained Neil 'Leftfield' Barnes's bootleg mix of
God Save The Queen': 2 (Pete Tong and Darren Emerson)
Hours of heavy rainfall during the Radio 1 beach party: 4
Price of strawberry daiquiri at The Hotel: £8
Preferred ecstasy pills at WMC: The Versace (blue, tastefully imprinted
with a picture of Gianni Versace)
9 M i a m i throat
gt
A combination of excessive living, tropical supergerms and
close proximity to hundreds of Brits who have spent years
playing fast and loose with their health caused an outbreak
of Miami Throat'. Among those who ended up whispering like a broken
mobile phone - Gilles Peterson and Damien Skint' Harris. Cough!
 NO 64 MAY 2002 £2.00
TIE YOUR MOTHER DOWN
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