The Rocky Horror Picture Show ---------------------------------------

SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE (20th Century Fox Presents: A really shitty movie. And a really shitty piano player but a rockin fucking cast!) (A long, long time ago. In a galaxy far, far away. God said Let there be lips. And there were lips. And they were red. And they gave great head.) Usherette: Michael Rennie was ill The Day the Earth Stood Still But he told us (To fuck off) where we stand. (On our feet) And Flash Gordon was there In [silver]Cum-stained] underwear, Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. (How do you know?) (Cause I fucked him!) Then something went wrong For Fay Wray [and]Fucked] King Kong; They got caught in a [celluloid]Sexual] jam. (A 69) Then at a deadly pace It Came [From... Outer Space]On where?... *Trixie Dancer's* face] And this is how the message ran: (Freeze lips, turn blue) Chorus: Science fiction, (Ooh, ooh, ooh) double feature (Wah, wah, wah) Doctor X (Sex, sex, and more sex) will build a creature. See androids fighting (And fucking, and sucking on) Brad and Janet Anne Francis stars in (Deep Throat, the sequel to) [Forbidden Planet]Our fucked up planet] [Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh]Janet's a hoe *clap*, hoe *clap*, hoe *clap, hoe *clap*] At the late night, (Early morning) [double feature,]Fuck your teacher] (Rocky Horror) picture show. (How do you deliver an ex?) (With Fed Ex!) (That man has no fucking neck) (Hey lips, who do you know and who do you blow?) Usherette: I knew Leo G. Carrol Was [over a barrel]Fucked in a barrel] When Tarantula [took to the hills.]Took LSD] (Lick that cum off your lips!) And I really got hot When I saw [Jeanette Scott] *Trixie Dancer's* Twat!] Fight a [triffid that spits poison and kills.]Penis that spits semen and thrills.] (Yay thrills!) Dana Andrews said Prunes (With pits) [Gave him the runes]Gave him the shits] And passing them used lots of skills. (Yay skills!) But When Worlds Collide, (They go BOOM shacka-lacka shacka-lacka!) Said George Powell to his bride, "I'm gonna give you [some terrible thrills,"]Some birth control pills]

Like a... (Sex change!) Chorus: Science fiction, (Ooh, ooh, ooh) double feature (Wah, wah, wah) Doctor X (Sex, sex, and more sex) will build a creature. See androids fighting (And fucking, and sucking on) Brad and Janet Anne Francis stars in (Deep Throat, the sequel to) [Forbidden Planet]Our fucked up planet] [Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh]Janet's a hoe *clap*, hoe *clap*, hoe *clap, hoe *clap*] At the late night, (Early morning) [double feature,]Fuck your teacher] (Rocky Horror) picture show. I wanna go (I wanna cum!) Oh Oh Oh To the late night, (Early morning) [double feature,]Fuck your teacher] (Rocky Horror) picture show. By RKO, (R-K-Who?) Oh Oh Oh (What does RKO stand for? Really Kinky Orgy) To the late night, (Early morning) [double feature,]Fuck your teacher] (Rocky Horror) picture show. (Where's the best place to fuck?) In the back row, (Fuck you back row!) (Fuck you front row!) (Back row sucks!) (Front row swallows!) (And the middle lets it dribble down their chins) Oh Oh Oh To the late night, (Early morning) [double feature,]Fuck your teacher] (Rocky Horror) picture show. (Bye lips!) CHURCH SCENE (Holy shit, its a smiling cross) (Hey what time is it? Oh, shit! I'm late!) Dentonian: Here they come! (Its a wedding!) Photographer: Parents and the grandparents. Yes, all the close family. (That family's a little TOO close) Smile, hold that. Beautiful. And... click! (Smile at your lover.) (Smile back) (We see you Riff, but the virgins don't!) Congratulations! (Ejaculations?) Ralph: Well, I guess we really did it, huh? (Hey look, it's a gay boxing match) Brad: I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have been almost inseparable since (The operation) you met in Dr. Scott's refresher courses. Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, (Hey cameraman! Over here! Film us! Yay!) that's the only reason I showed up in the first place. Betty: O.K. you guys, this is it. Ralph:

Well Betty's going to throw the bouquet. (Whose got the clap *clap*, whose got the clap *clap*, whose got the clap *clap*) Janet: I got it! I got it! (Oh shit, now all of us will get it!) Ralph: Hey big fella, (How would you know?) looks like it could be your turn next, eh? Brad: Who knows. Ralph: Well, so long, see you Brad. (See ya sucker.) (Think about it asshole, did you change your underwear this morning?... Once for yes, twice for no. Slap that car and make it go!) See ya, Brad! (What is the meaning of this movie? Be just and fear not. Be strong and fear nothing. Take acid, fear everything. Take geritol and keep up.) Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? (No) Didn't Betty look radiantly beautiful? (No, she looked like shit) I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old [Betty Munroe]Betty the hoe] and now... [now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.]Now she's Mrs. Ralf Half-Shit. Half-Shit, will travel.] Brad: (Hey Brad, has Ralph seen you naked?) Yes Janet, Ralph's a lucky guy. (No he's not, she's got Syph) Janet: Yes. Dentonian: I always cry at weddings. (And laugh my ass off at funerals) (My whole life Ive wanted to see an ejaculating angel, ohp) Brad: Uh, everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook. (Cooks like shit, sucks like a Hoover) Janet: Yes. (Why's there a billboard in the cemetery?) (It's never too late to learn how to read) Brad: Why Ralph himself, he'll be in line for a promotion in a year or two. Janet: Yes.

(Attention K-Mart shoppers, the home of happiness is in Janet's hat!) DAMMIT, JANET Brad: Hey Janet. Janet: Yes Brad? Brad: I've got something to say. (Sing it, asshole! It's a fucking musical.) Janet: Uh huh. Brad: I really love the... (Starts with an S. Sleazy, slutty, Susan SaranWrap) skillful way... (What a fucking genius) you beat the other girls... (With whips and chains) to the bride's bouquet. (That too.) (Eat your veggies bitch!) Janet: Oh Brad. (*clap*) Brad: The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet) The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet) So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet) I've one thing to say and that's [Dammit, Janet I love you.]Fuck off, bitch. I wanna screw!] The road was long but I ran it. [(Janet)]Backwards!] There's [a fire in my heart and you fan it.]A fire in my pants and you found it.] (Janet) If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet) I've one thing to say and that's [Dammit, Janet I love you.]Only assholes carry chalk] Here's the ring [to prove that I'm no joker.]To prove that I just fucked her] [There's three ways that love can grow.]There's three ways that Brad can screw.] (Up, down, and sideways) That's [good, bad, or mediocre.]Gay, straight, or bisexual] (How do you spell slut?) Oh, J-A-N-E-T (Close enough) I love you so. (Describe your first orgasm) Janet: Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had. (Oh Brad) (Turn to the dark side!) Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad) That you [met Mom and you know Dad.]Fuck mom and you blow dad] (Oh Brad) I've one thing to say and that's [Brad, I'm mad, for you too.]Brad, you fag, fuck you too] [Oh Brad...]I'm pregnant] Brad:

[Oh... dammit]Oh, shit, god, damn, fuck.] Janet: [I'm mad...]It's triplets] Brad: [Oh, Janet.]Oh, shit, god, damn, fuck.] Janet: [For you.]They're not yours] Brad: [I love you too.]I'm going to sue] Brad & Janet: There's one thing left to do - [ah oo.]Achoo!] Brad: And that's [go see the man who began it.]Go fuck the man in the casket] (Janet) When we met in his science exam - it (Janet) Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet) Now I've one thing to say and that's [Dammit, Janet, I love you.]Fuck off, bitch. I still wanna screw] (Now it's time for the asshole waltz! *claps*) Dammit, Janet. Janet: Oh Brad, I'm mad. Brad: Dammit, Janet. Brad & Janet: (Ladies and gentlemen of the audience, what you're about to see is one virgin kiss, three assholes, and a four way split. Count them with me: one virgin kiss, one-two-three assholes, and a four way split) I love you. Narrator: (This man has no fucking neck) (I bet you'd like something, wouldn't you, you beady eyed buttfucker! ) I would like, (To kill James Bond) if I may, (You may not!) ...to take you (Take me! Take me! ) on a strange journey. (How strange was it? So strange they made a movie about it. Not the book, the movie!) (It's the history of gay sex in Georgia. And youre in every picture) (Hey look, it's the original Facebook!) It seemed a fairly ordinary night (Brad Majors before the sex change) when Brad Majors and his fiancee (Brad Majors after the sex change) Janet Weiss, two young, ordinary, healthy (Healthy?!) kids, (I ain't got no body. Ha-cha-cha-cha!) left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, (Timmay! Timmay-timmay!) ex-tutor, and now friend to both of them. (Is it true you're masturbating behind that book?) It's true there were dark storm clouds (Describe Barock Obamas balls), heavy, (Yes) black, (Yes) and pendulous, (Sometimes) towards which they were driving. (Is it true you're also gay?) It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, (Like your fucking neck) (Hey someone should fuck the chin! Fuck that chin!

Fuck that chin! Etc.) but, uh, they being normal kids and, on a night out... well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening. On a night out... it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time. (Oh no! Don't cum on the screen!) (Dana-nana-nana-nana, dana-nana-nana-nana Batman!) (Windshield wipers gag) (Count the motorcycles!... One!) Janet: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passed us. (No, that's the first) They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all. Brad: Yes, Janet, life's pretty cheap to that type.(Yay that type!) (Janet's got the muchies. She chews and chews but never swallows) Janet: What's the matter, Brad darling? (I came on the windshield again) Brad: Hmmm... we must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. (Fork you) Janet: Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from? (A fucking Honda dealership, bitch) Brad: Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back. (No! Don't! The cameraman's back there!) Janet: What was that bang? (A gang bang, and you werentt invited) Brad: We must have a blowout. Dammit! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. (Asshole) Well, you just stay here keep warm and I'll go for help. Janet: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere? (And what's in the middle of nowhere? Clayton County!) Brad: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? (Hey Janet, show us your blowjob exercise) Maybe they have a telephone I could use. (Castles don't have phones asshole) Janet: I'm going with you. Brad: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet. (She's already wet, check the seat)

Janet: I'm coming with you! Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman, (He is) and you might never come back again. (You should be so lucky) Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh. (What does it say on Janets pussy?) (George, George, George of the Jungle watch out for that tree!) (Sing it, bitch!) OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE Janet: In the velvet darkness, (Where?) Of the blackest night, Burning bright, (What's up your ass?) [there's a guiding star.]It's a brand new car] No matter what or who you are. (Sing it asshole, it's a duet) Brad & Janet: There's a light. Chorus: [Over at the Frankenstein place.]Over at the Epcot center] Brad & Janet: There's a light. (Where's Santa Claus?) Chorus: Burning in the fireplace. Brad & Janet: There's a light, light (Where's Hellen Keller?) in the darkness of everybody's life. (4, 3, 2, 1, sing to us oh hairless one!) Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. (Extreme close up, please!) (Too close!) Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming Into my life. (Watch Riff go down on his sister) Into my life. Brad & Janet: There's a light. Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place. (Sig Heil!) Brad & Janet: There's a light. Chorus:

Burning in the fireplace. (There can be only one!/Pika-PikaCHUUUUU!!!!) There's a light, a light Brad & Janet: In the darkness of everybody's life. Narrator: (And Betsy Ross would sit in her room and sew, and sew-) And so, (No wonder they got lost, he's got the fucking map!) it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required... (Or had they?) Or had they? (I asked you first!) (Hey look! Big Bird got stoned! Its Scooby-Doo in bondage! Its a Gryffin-Door!) Janet: Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and I'm frightened... (There's a condom in Janet's hair. It's the only one you'll see in the entire movie) Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone. (Ding dong asshole calling, Avon couldn't make it. One, two, three, four open up the fucking door. Five, six, seven, eight why are you so fucking late?) (Hey Riff Raff, how do you say Jello in Spanish?) Riff Raff: Hello. (Brad, are you drunk or high?) Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, (Asshole) (And what are you selling tonight?) and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss. (Slut) I wonder if you might help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road... (Bullshit, you got a flat) do you have a phone we might use? Riff Raff: You're wet. (Janet, did you bring your waterproof vibrator?) Janet: Yes (Why?) it's raining. (Do you like to use it Brad?) Brad: Yes. (How bout you Riff?) Riff Raff: Yes... (How bout you God?) (Oh shit, God's a used Honda dealer) I think perhaps you better both (Fuck off) come inside. (I don't care where you cum as long as you clean it up.) (I don't care if you cum as long as I cum) Janet: You're too kind. (Brad, show us how assholes fly. With their lapels) (Can you spot the domestic in this picture? Yes. Wait, now the slut's in the way) Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of a place is this? (Describe Paris Hiltons vagina) Brad:

Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos. Janet: Oh. (Riff, show us how do you finger fuck your sister) Riff Raff: This way. (Don't forget the thumb action. He's got WIII thumb) Janet: Are you having a party? (Do you see any tupper ware, bitch?) Riff Raff: You've arrived on a rather special night. (Special like your mom) It's one of the master's affairs. (Which one? Which sex? Which species?) Janet: Oh, lucky him. Magenta: You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, [we're all lucky!]The banister's sticky!] ha ha ha...

THE TIME WARP Riff Raff: It's astounding; Time is fleeting; (What's your favorite band?) Madness takes its toll. (69 cents please) But listen closely... (For how much longer?) Magenta: Not for very much longer. (How many balls have you got?) Riff Raff: I've got to keep control. I remember [doing the time-warp]Fucking my sister] (Kick, kick) Drinking [those moments when]Patricia Quinn] The blackness would hit me Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling. Transylvanians: Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. (How the fuck is it done?) Narrator: It's just a jump to the left.

All: And then a step to the right. Narrator: With your hands on your hips. (Or someone elses tits) All: You bring your knees in tight. (2, 4, 6, 8 show us how you fornicate) [But it's the pelvic thrust] Group sex, Group sex, Group sex, Group sex] [That really drives you insane.]Cum all over the place] Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. (*claps*) Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me. So you can't see me, (Do you douche?) no, not at all. (Where do you masturbate?) In another dimension, (How do you masutrbate?) with voyeuristic intention, (Where are your tits?) Well secluded, (Can you see this? *middle finger*) I see all. (Oh shit!) Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind [flip]FUCK!] Magenta: You're into the time slip. (Fuck that bird, grease that pole, eat this bagel, I'm not Jewish, nobody's perfect.) Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same. Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation. (HA!) Riff Raff: Like you're under sedation. All: Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. (Sing it, bitch! *claps*) Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink. He shook me up, he took me by surprise He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes. He stared at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again. All: Let's do the time-warp again.

Let's do the time-warp again. Narrator: It's just a jump to the left! All: And then a step to the right. Narrator: With your hands on your hips. (Or someone elses tits) All: You bring your knees in tight. (2, 4, 6, 8 show us how you fornicate) [But it's the pelvic thrust] Group sex, Group sex, Group sex, Group sex] [That really drives you insane.]Cum all over the place] Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. (Did you tell her about the stairs? Hey, what about the stairs? Let the bitch fall!) Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. Narrator: [It's just a jump to the left!!]Get the fuck off the desk!] All: And then a step to the right. Narrator: With your hands on your hips! (Or someone else's tits) All: You bring your knees in tight. (2, 4, 6, 8 show us how you fornicate) [But it's the pelvic thrust] Group sex, Group sex, Group sex, Group sex] [That really drives you insane.]Cum all over the place] Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. (Now sit the fuck down) (Thank you for auditioning for So You Think You Can Dance) (You are NOT on the Hot Tomale Train) (You'd probably suck ass at America Idol too) Janet: Say something. (Something) Brad: Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison? (Nope, but I can Macarena like a motherfucker. I can lean with it, and I can rock with it) Janet: Brad, please, let's get out of here.

Brad: For God's sake keep a grip on yourself Janet. Janet: But it... it seems so unhealthy here. Brad: It's just a party, Janet. Janet: Well - I want to go. Brad: Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone. Janet: Well then ask the butler or someone. Brad: Just a moment, Janet - we don't want to interfere with their celebration. Janet: This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad. Brad: They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more... folk dancing. Janet: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared! Brad: I'm here - there's nothing to worry about. SWEET TRANSVESTITE Frank: How do you do, I See you've met my Faithful [handyman.]Handjob man] He's just a little brought down Because when you knocked (He rang) He thought you were the [candyman.]Cocaine man] (What does a tampon say?) Don't get strung out by the way I look. (You look strung out) Don't judge a book by its cover. I'm not much of a man (At all) by the light of day But by night I'm one [hell of a lover.]Sick motherfucker]

I'm just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania. Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're both [pretty groovy.]Fuckin Goofy] Or if you want something visual (Like porn) That's not too abysmal, (Like gay porn) We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie. Brad: I'm glad we caught you at home, Could we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry. (Left) Janet: Right. (Left) Brad: We'll just say where we are, Then [go back to the car.]Go fuck in the car] We don't want to be any worry. Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how 'bout that? Well, babies, don't you panic. (Fucking panic!) By the light of the night it'll all seem alright. I'll get you a [satanic]Hispanic] mechanic. (Si, senor) I'm just a sweet transvestite (Boom, chicka, boom, chicka, boom) From Transsexual, Transylvania. Why don't you stay for the night? Riff Raff: Night. Frank: Or maybe a bite? Columbia: Bite. (I said bite, not lick, bitch) Frank: I could show you my favorite obsession. (Sex) I've been making a man (You call that a man) With blond hair and a tan (You call than a tan?) And he's good for relieving my (Sexual) tension I'm just a [sweet transvestite]short fat bull dyke] (Check him out) From [Transsexual, Transylvania.]San Francisco, Cali-for-nia]

HIT IT, HIT IT! I'm just a [sweet transvestite]Chattanooga choo-choo] (Whoo whoo) Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite Frank: From Transsexual, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania. (Do, ray, me, fa) Frank: So (La, ti, do)- come up to the lab, (I can't come that high) (I can!) And see what's on the slab. I see you shiver with antici --- (This movie would suck without audience partici-)pation. (Thank you) But maybe the rain (Hallelujah! Testify!)) Isn't really to blame. (No, Sue's to blame. Read the fucking credits) So I'll remove the cause. (But what about the itching, burning, discharge?) But not the symptom. (FUCK!) (Janet's on the rag. So is Brad) Janet: Thank you. (Brad, what do you say when someone gives you a blow job?) Brad: Thank you very much. (Janet, what do you say when someone eats you out?) Janet: Oh! Brad! Brad: It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right. (You call that an ace? Looks more like a joker to me) Columbia: Oh, slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush. (Yay rush) Brad: Hi, my name is Brad Majors, (Asshole) and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss; (Slut) (Spell Uranus the Georgia Tech way) ah.. you are...? (Close enough) Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory. Some people would give their right arm for the privilege. (You gave your left tit) Brad: People like you maybe.

Columbia: Ha! I've seen it. (And I don't do laundry) (Quick Brad, grab something important. Like your shoes) Magenta: Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting. (Hey Magenta, what do you do with an uncomfortable vibrator?) Shift it! (He's just like father! Bitch, you wold be murdered in Ireland) (First floor; glowing dildos of assorted shapes and sizes and the old spaghetti factory. Second floor; stupid questions.) Janet: Is he, um, Frank I mean - is he your husband? Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are simply his (sexual) servants. Janet: Oh. (Third floor; bars. Fourth floor; Steve Wonder's bedroom, don't worry, he's not seen it either.) (Green and sexy. Green and sexy. Whose that man all dressed in green? That's not a man, that's a gay marine. Whose that man all dressed in blue? He's in the navy, he's gay too. Sound off, sluts first, assholes second.) (Music provided by the Mario Brothers) (The Clayton County Schoolboard) (Those are some well-hung speakers. Like you were looking at the speakers) (Here, master, it's a tinkletini and it's still warm) (What color's your dick after masturbating with a cheese grater?) Frank: Magenta, (Where do you get your drugs?) Columbia - (I get mine from Lil 5) go assist Riff Raff. (He can't get it up by himself) I will entertain (The cameraman with the worlds largest handjob) ...uh huh huh... Brad: Brad Majors. (Asshole) This is my fiancee, Janet Vice. (Slut) Janet: Weiss. Brad: Weiss? Um. (How do you say big tits in French?) Frank: Enchante. (That means your hand smells like fish) Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. (They're Under Roo's, the underwear that's fun to wear!) But here. Put these on. (And take those off) They'll make you feel less... (Fuckable) vulnerable. (Same thing) It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them [hospitality.]Horse brutality] Brad: Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, Goddammit, (Hey, look! Up in the sky!

It's a bird! It's a plane! No! It's Super Asshole!) a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore! Janet: Brad, don't be ungrateful. Brad: Ungrateful! Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant. (If he's so dominant why does she need opera glasses? Its very cold in the lab) You must be awfully proud of him, Janet. (Hey Janet, are you a slut?) Janet: Well, yes I am. Frank: Do you have any tattoos, Brad? (How do you tattoo an asshole?) Brad: Certainly not! (Inside out with a bunch of tiny pricks) Frank: Oh well... how about you? Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your... (Sperm) word. (Take my drink, bitch, I'm Rick James! Fuck yo couch!) (When's the orgy and whose invited?) Frank: Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... (That's us!) you are about to witness a new breakthrough in [biochemical]Bisexual] research... and paradise is to be mine! (In the navel. Lower. In the navel. Not like that) It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break... (Snap that glove and scare yourself, do-da do-da) whole pieces seem to fit into place, (Like a dick up your ass) not a sign of being.. (George Bush) what a fool! The answer was there all the time, (42. 69) it took a small accident to make it happen... (What was the making of the Twilight Saga?) AN ACCIDENT... Magenta & Columbia: An accident! Frank: ..and that's how I discovered the secret, (Who gives the best blowjobs on the USS Enterprise besides Captain Kirk?) that elusive ingredient, that SPARK that is the breath of life... (Do you know how to fuck camels upside-down under water?) Yes, I have that knowledge... (What do you hold between your legs?) I hold the secret... (To life?) to life... (Itslef?!) itself! (*applaud*) (F-) You see, (-K. Spells fuck) you are fortunate (I am weasel) for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be [BORN!]Boned!] (Ladies and gentlemen, noiseless noisemakers prove that not all black people have rhythm) (67... 68... 69) Up now! (It's tampon man!) Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... (One magic dildo, two magic dildos) and step the reactor power input [THREE MORE POINTS!]Three

more Doritos!] (Behold the power of cheese!) (I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.) (It's the claw. The claw has chosen. One of us must go) Janet: Oh, Brad! Brad: It's all right, Janet! (Raspberry Red, Orangy Orange, Lemony Yellow, Limey Green, Blueberry Blue, Barbies Pussy Pink, and Grapey Purple! ) (Rocky was reaching for some nuts, but all he got was a rivet) (Tampon man always stands erect. Tamponius Erectus) (Oh my god, who is it... Justin Bieber!) Frank: Oh! Rocky! THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head, And I've got the feeling someone's gonna be [cutting the thread.]Giving great head] Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery. Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big [downer.]Boner] I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed. (Go greased lightening, go greased lightening) All: That ain't no crime. Rocky: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread. All: That ain't no crime. Rocky: My high is low, I'm [dressed up with no place to go.]Fucked up with no place to go] And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big [downer.]Boner] Frank: Oh, Rocky! (Spin the bisexual!) All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky: Oh no no no

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky: Oh no no no All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. That ain't no crime. Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head. Frank: Well, really! All: That ain't no crime. Rocky: And I've got the feeling someone's going to be [cutting the thread.]Giving great head] All: That ain't no crime. Rocky: Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery And, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big [downer]Boner] All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky: Oh no no no. All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky: Oh no no no. All: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, that ain't no crime. Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, that ain't no crime. sha-la-la. (Safe!) Frank: Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out. (Of the closet) (Look at his dick and forgive him) But since you're such an [exceptional beauty,]Exceptional booty] I am prepared to forgive you.

(Hey Rocky, how do you beat off two guys at once? Don't forget the twist action!) Oh, I just love success. Riff Raff: He's a credit to your [genius]penis], master. Frank: Yes. Magenta: A triumph of your [will.]sperm.] Frank: Yes. Columbia: He's [O.K.]Not gay] Frank: (Bitch, get your motherfuckin tits off my motherfuckin tank!) O.K.? O.K.?!? I think we can do better than that. Humph! (Lets take the asshole poll! Lets ask Ken and Barbie) Well, Brad and Janet, (Taptap-tap-sniff!) what do you think of him? (See slut lie. Lie, slut, lie) Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles. (Just one big one) Frank: I didn't make him FOR YOU! (She gets him anyway) He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval. (Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf) (And rrrrrrrip it off!)

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN Frank: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds (Stephen Hawkings?) Will get sand in his face (Stephen Hawkings on the beach?) When kicked to the ground; (Stephen Hawkings on the beach with his chair flipped over?) And soon in the gym (Whose Jim?) with a determined chin, (Whose Chin? And what part of Asia is he from?) The sweat from his pores as [he works for his cause]As he fucks Santa Claus] Will make him glisten (What's your favorite toothpaste?) and gleam. (Mine's Colgate with pumpaction) And with massage, and just a little bit of (Go for the gold, go for the gold, go for the gold. Missed it, missed it, now you gotta kiss it. Why do you think he missed it?) steam, He'll be pink and quite clean He'll be a strong man. (What does Irish cum taste like?) Oh honey (Bullshit!) But the wrong man. He'll eat nutritious (cum) high protein. (cum) And swallow raw [eggs]Cum]

Try to build up his (The worlds largest dildo) shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs. Such an effort if he only knew of my plan. In just seven days (And six long fucks) I can make you a [man.]Fag, just like your dad] He'll do press-ups, (Hey look, Rocky found a hole in the floor. Rocky made the hole in the floor) and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk. (Off) He thinks dynamic tension (Must be fucking dynamic) must be hard work. Such (Uh! Uh! Uh!) strenuous living I just don't understand, When in just seven days, (And six long fucks) oh baby, I can make you a [man.]Fag, just like your dad.] (The next three words of this movie are censored. Fuck, shit, piss) Columbia: Eddie! HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL) (Kickstand! Glasses! Helmet! Attitude!) Eddie: Whatever happened to Saturday night, (It turned into Sunday morning) When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright? It don't seem the same since cosmic light Came into my life, I thought I was divine. I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go, And listen to the music on the [radio;]Rocky Horror Picture Show] A saxophone was blowin' on a rock 'n roll show. You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. (Eat shit. And die) My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled. My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt. I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine. (Psych!) Get back in front, put some (Psyche!) hair oil on Buddy Holly was singing his very last song. With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along. It felt pretty good. Woo! You really had a good time. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. etc. (Show me love! Show me hate! Show me ugly! Show me baby!) (That's why you use a tampon) Frank: One from the vaults. (A greaser from a freezer like a bat out of hell) (Here, Magenta, take these gloves and put them in OJ's house) (Help! Help! My dick is stuck in the gate! Ohp, now he's jewish) Oh baby! Don't be upset. (What does Charles Manson) It was a mercy killing. (Bullshit, it was a messy killing) He had a certain naive charm, (But what did he lack?) but no muscle. (Show us some muscle!) Oh! I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (REPRISE) Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep. A hot groin and a tricep. Makes me, [oooh,]Wanna fuck a midget] shake Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the (balls?) ha-ha-hand. In just seven days (And six long fucks) I can make you a [man.]Fag, just like your dad] I don't (Ba-gaw!) want (Ba-gaw!) no dissention, (Ba-gaw!) (Ba-gaw!) just (Ba-gaw!) dynamic (Bagaw!) tension.(Ba-gaw!)(Ba-gaw!) Janet: I'm a muscle fan. (Who the fuck taught her the words?!) Frank: In just seven days, (And six long fucks) I can make you a [man]Fag, just like your dad] Dig it if you can (Chasey, Chantay) In just seven days, (And six long fucks) I can make you a man. Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! (Assume the position!) (I say that life is an illusion.) Narrator: There are those who say that life is an illusion, (I just said that!) and that reality is simply a figment of the imagination. (Like your fucking neck) If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe, (Unlike your neck) ... however, (There's always a however!) the sudden departure of their host... (And your neck) and his creation... (And his neck) into the seclusion of his sombre bridal [suite]SWEET!] had left them feeling (neckless) both apprehensive (And neckless) and uneasy, (And neckless) a feeling which grew (Unlike your fucking neck) as the other guests departed, (With your neck) and they were shown to [their separate rooms.]The very same room] (Pink is for girls) (Watch out for the holy water! SSSSS! Stings don't it, bitch?!) (He sees you when youre sleeping, he knows when youre awake. He knows if youve been bad or good and when you masturbate. Hey!) (Same set, different light, cheap movie. Same line, different audience, cheap cast) (There's a vibrator on the bed, lets see how quick Janet finds it. She found it)

ROCKY HORROR SEX SCENE TAKE #1 (Rocky Horror Sex Scene Take #1. *clap*) Janet: Who is it? Who's there? (It's the plumber, I've come to lay some pipes. Its the electrician, Ive come to check your box. Its Comcast, Im here to fuck you! Its Xfinity, Ive come to fuck you faster) Frank (Brad): It's only me, Janet. Janet: Oh, Brad darling, come in. Oh! Brad Oh... Yes, my darling...but what if... Frank (Brad): It's all right, Janet, everything's going to be alright. Janet: (What's the first rule of the Rocky Horror Picture Show? You do not fuck with the hair! Lady Gaga?!) Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh...Ah...ahh OHHH! Oh it's you! Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice (No, it's Weiss) Janet: Oh, you beast, you monster...Oh what have you done with Brad? (Nothing yet, I'm saving the best for last) Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should? Janet: You tricked me...I wouldn't have...I've never..never... Frank: Yes, yes I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? (It isn't all Brad either) I think you really found it quite pleasurable. Janet: Oh, stop (Stops not a safe word) ...I mean help...Brad!..Oh Brad!! Frank: Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. (Show us how you fuck sheep!) Do you want him to see you like...This! Janet: Like this..like how??! Oh, it's your fault...you're to blame... (No, Sue's to blame, read the fucking credits) I was saving myself... (For what? A rainy day? Look outside, bitch, it's pouring.)

Frank: Well, I'm sure you're not SPENT yet... Janet: Promise you won't tell Brad? Frank: Cross my heart and hope to die... (Stick a dildo in my eye) (It's a hard knocked life for us, it's a hard knocked life for us.) (Magenta. Magenta. Muh-gen-taaaaah. Hey, Mageeeeentaaaa. HI!) (I've got a really good idea. You stay here and hold my cum rag and stare at my ass while I go fuck with the monstah.) (I know he's my brother, but he's sure got a nice ass) (Service Entrane in the rear) (Riff's my favorite ASSASSin. Riff's my favorite BUTTler. Him and Rocky are best BUTTies.) (I paid eight god damn dollars for this movie and I want to see a fucking muscle twitch! Thank you.) (He's got the whole world, on his shoulders.) (What's white, hot and sticky? Candle wax, but I like the way you think.) (You WILL celebrate Hanukkah, you WILL celebrate Hanukkah. You WILL wear a yarmulke. Mozel tov motherfucker!) (You forgot your free fucking sample) (Elbow sex! Elbow sex! Elbow sex! Elbow sex! Elbow sex! *cheer*) (Hey give her a hickie, Riff. I said hickie, not blood transfusion) ROCKY HORROR SEX SCENE TAKE #2 (Rocky Horror Sex Scene Take #2. *clap*) Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us. Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning. Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective. (What's the second rule of the Rocky Horror Picture Show? You do not fuck with the hair!) Brad: YOU! (Ru Paul?!) Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice... Brad: Why YOU! What have you done with Janet? (Fucked the shit out of her. And now I'm going to fuck it back into you)

Frank: Nothing. Why? Do you think I should? Brad: You tricked me, I wouldn't have... (Never never?) I've never never...never... Frank: Oh Yes, I know...but it isn't all bad, is it? (And it's all Brad) Not even half bad, (Not even a quarter bad. Not even an eighth bad.) I think you really quite enjoyed it. Frank: Oh... so soft... Brad: Stop it...stop it... (Stop's not a safe word, try banana) oh Janet...JANET! (Janets never been down there) Frank: Shhh! Janet's probably asleep by now, (How do you fuck cows?) do you want her to see you... like this! (Moo) Brad: Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, (No, Sue's to blame. Read the fucking credits) I thought it was the real thing! (It is the real thing,its just going in your butthole.) Frank: Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure. (There is in Georgia. But not Florida. Road trip!) Oh Brad, you've wasted so much time already...Janet needn't know, I won't tell. Brad: Well, you promise you won't tell... Frank: On my mother's graoouuuuuu.... Riff Raff: Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere in the grounds. Magenta has just released [the dogs.]Her sisters] Frank: Mmmmm? Coming! (So's Brad) (Ladies and gentlemen, that's not a tear on Janet's cheek) Janet: What's happening here? Where's Brad? Where's anybody? (Run, doggies, run, Michael Vick's out of jail! Run, doggies, run, Michael Vick's out of jail!) Oh, Brad. Brad, my darling, (Janet, my slut) how could I have done this to you? (It was easy, but it wouldve been easier without the pantyhose. Drip, drip, drip, splat) (Women drivers, no survivors) Oh, if only [we hadn't made this journey..]my

hand werent stuck to my hair], if only [the car hadn't broken down]my hand werent stuck to my face] ... oh, if only [we were amongst friends]my back werent stuck to this tank]... Or sane persons, (And this bitch won an Oscar!) (I pledge allegiance, to my tit and the breast of which it stands. One nipple under bra.) Oh Brad, what have they done with him... (Hey look, it's a fag taking a drag from a fag after fucking a fag in drag!) Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How could you? (Leave him alone, he's monsterbating.) (I towd you wady, the caw wouldn't be weady til Thoisday!) Oh, but you're hurt (No shit Sherlock)...Did they do this to you? (No, bitch, I did it to myself with the Rocko Beat-O-Matic) (He's got more hurt than you've got skirt and he wants a three piece suit and a pair of shoes) I'll dress your wounds... baby there... (I'm Wocky Howah, wanna fuck?) (Hey Janet, do you wanna fuck Rocky, or the audience? Rocky, or the audience? *cheer*) Narrator: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind... (Even the dictionary's emo) Vehement or excited mental state. (MY COCK IS HUGE!) It is also a powerful and irrational master...and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television monitor there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ... its [slave.]Slut] Magenta and Columbia: Tell us about it, Janet.

TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME (If Janet's on the left, and Rocky's on the right, whose the dick in the middle? It's the penis between us. It's the fungus amung us. It's the Penis di Milo.) Janet: I was feeling done in, couldn't win I'd only ever kissed before. Columbia: You mean [she's...]She's Catholic?] Magenta: Uh huh. Janet: I thought there's no use getting (Laid) Into heavy petting (St. Bernards are heavy pets) It only leads to trouble And seat wetting. (Oh shit, my seat's wet! Then sit down and enjoy it!) Now all I want to know is how to go. I've tasted [blood]Cum] and I want more. (Less) Magenta and Columbia: More, (Less) more, (Less) more (Less) Janet: I'll put up no resistance

[I want to stay the distance]She wants to ride his distance] I've got an [itch to scratch]Itchy snatch] I need [assistance.]Prescriptions] [Toucha toucha toucha touch me]Fucka fucka fucka fuck me] I want to be dirty Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me Creature of the night. (Looks like a taco, smells like a fish, must be a good place for a stick up) Then if anything grows, (It won't he's gay) while you pose, I'll oil you up and drop you down. (Up) Magenta and Columbia: Down, (Up) down, (Up) down. (Up) Janet: And that's just one small [fraction]section] (One sixty ninth) of the main [attraction]Erection] You need a friendly hand (Take two!) but I need action. [Toucha toucha toucha touch me]Fucka fucka fucka fuck me] I want to be dirty Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me Creature of the night. Columbia: [Toucha toucha toucha touch me]Fucka fucka fucka fuck me] Magenta: I want to be dirty. Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, Magenta: Creature of the night. Janet: Oh, [Toucha toucha toucha touch me]Fucka fucka fucka fuck me] I want to be dirty Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me Creature of the night. Rocky: Creature of the night (Too dumb) Brad: Creature of the night? (Too nerdy) Frank: Creature of the night. (Too much make makeup) Magenta: Creature of the night. (Too much hair)

Riff Raff: Creature of the night. (Not enough hair) Columbia: Creature of the night. (*screech*) Rocky: Creature of the night! (No fair, he gets seconds) Janet: Creature of the night. (How do you say Thank You in french?) Riff Raff: Merrrrrcy! Frank: How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching! Riff Raff: I was only away for a minute... (Doing what?) master (-bating) Frank: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor. (You've shown us your front hand, now show us your backhand and say Gitchygoo.) Gitchygoo (He never beats ME like that) Riff Raff: Master, (It's Mary Poppins taking a shit in the rain. Theres a vegetable in the garden) master...we have a visitor. (R2?!) Brad: Hey, Scotty! ...Dr. Everett Scott. Riff Raff: You know this earthling (Watch it O'Brien! Foreshadowing) this person? Brad: I most certainly do! He happens to be an old [friend]Fuck] of mine.(D-) Frank: I see. (-K. Spells dick!) So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. (No, we met on Craigslist) You came here [with a purpose.]On a porpoise] (Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?) Brad: I told you, my car broke down. (Bullshit, you got a flat) I was telling the truth. Frank: I know what you told me, Brad. (You told me you loved me, you told me youd call. But then again, I told you I was eighteen, so I guess were even.) But this Dr. Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me. Brad: He was a science teacher at Denton High School.

Frank: And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Brad? He's attached to the bureau of investigation (Man nipple!) of that which you call UFO's! (UnFuckable Objects. Theres no such thing!) Isn't that right, Brad? Brad: He might be...I don't know. Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master. (As intruders usually do) Frank: He'll probably be in... (The dishwasher) in the Zen room. (Zen go get him) (I wish I had roaches like that in my house!) Shall we inquire of him in person? (Not the triple contact fag magnet with optional leg lift! The very same) (It's the new ride at Six Flags; Roller Cripple!) (Ring around the lesbians) (Hey, Kool-Aid...OH YEAH!!!!) Brad: Great Scott! Dr. Scott: Frank N Furter, (Count Chockula) we meet at last. (You mean at first) Brad: Dr. Scott! (Suck my cock) Dr. Scott: Brad! What are you doing here? (Just fucking around) Frank: Don't play games, Dr. Scott. (We already did that) You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here. (Having excellent gay sex) It was part of your plan, was it not? (Not) That he and his [female] Shemale] should check the layout for you. (Check out the lays, lay out the chex) Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I hope you're adaptable Dr. Scott; I know Brad is. (Suck and tell) Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. (Brad's coming is always a surprise) I came here to find Eddie. (Dinner?!) Brad: Eddie! (Dinner?!) I've seen him! Frank: Eddie! (Dinner?!) What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott? (That he goes very well with ketchup) Dr. Scott: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. (Do you know how to walk, bitch?) You see Eddie

happens to be my nephew. Janet: Ah! Brad: Dr. Scott. (Rocky Horror Roll Call!) Dr. Scott: Janet! Janet: Dr. Scott! Brad: Janet! Janet: Brad! Frank: Rocky! (Bullwinkle) Dr. Scott: Janet! Janet: Dr. Scott! Brad: Janet! Janet: Brad! Frank: Rocky! (Bullwinkle) Dr. Scott: Janet! Janet: Dr. Scott! Brad: Janet! Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky! (Bullwinkle) Frank: Listen...I made you... (But can you break him?) and I can break you just as easily. (It's the gong show, with Magenta) Magenta: Master, dinner is prepared! (It's shake and bake, and I helped! It's trashcan lid and Candace painted) Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional. (Toga! Toga! Naked! Naked!) Narrator: Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. (Stop giving that glass a rim job!) The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal. However informal it might appear, (Why does Dr. Scott get so many forks? The cripple need as much help as they can get) you can be sure that there was to be very little.. bon ami. (Boner who?) (Bring out your dead. Bring out your dead) (We had steam on Monday. Then we had steam on Tuesday. And again on Wednesday and Thursday. I swear to all that is dark and unholy, if we have steam again tonight. FUCK!) (Tell Eddie to get his ass off the table) Frank: A toast... to absent friends... All: To absent friends. Frank: And Rocky. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Rocky... Shall we? Dr. Scott: We came here to discuss Eddie. Columbia: Eddie?! Frank: That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone? (Brad gets it. Janet gets it. Dr. Scott gets it. Columbia gets it. Rocky gets it, but he just doesn't care.) Columbia: Excuse me... (We replaced Columbia's vibrator with a cactus. Lets see if she notices. Yup) Dr. Scott: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined...Aliens! Rocky:

Ugh?! Brad & Janet: Doctor Scott! Frank: Go on, Dr. Scott. Or should I say Dr. Von Scott? (Sig Heil!) Brad: Just what exactly are you implying? (That he's a nazi) Dr. Scott: It's all right! Brad: But Dr. Scott! Scott: That's all right, Brad!!

EDDIE Scott: From the day he was born (Not the night, but the day) He was trouble. (Not Monopoly, but Trouble) He was the thorn (Not the rose, but the thorn) In his mother's side. (Not her ass, but her side) She tried [in vain...]Cocaine] (In the arteries and in the veins) (Like Amy Winehouse) Narrator: ...but he never caused her nothing but shame. (Shame, shame, shame) Scott: He left home the day she died. From the day she was gone All he wanted Was Rock 'n' Roll porn And a motorbike. (Oh, oh, oh, oh) Shooting up junk... Narrator: He was a [low down cheap little punk!]274306 yay Punk Rock!] Scott: Taking everyone for a ride. All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy

You knew he was a no-good kid. But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife Frank: What a guy! Janet: Makes you cry. Scott: Und I did. (*claps*) Columbia: Everybody shoved him. I very nearly loved him. I said, hey, listen to me; Stay sane inside insanity! But he locked the door and threw away the key. Scott: But he must have been drawn (With crayola crayons) Into something, (What the fuck's a somesing?) Making him warn (Not you, but me) Me in a note that reads. All: What's it say? What's it say? Eddie's voice: I'm out of my head. (Spelled H-E-D) Oh, hurry, or I may be dead. (Spelled correctly) They mustn't [carry out their evil deeds.]Smoke all of their evil weed] All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy You knew he was a no-good kid. But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife Frank: What a guy! Janet: Makes you cry. Scott: Und I did. All: When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy

You knew he was a no-good kid. But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife Frank: What a guy! (What does Santa Claus say?) Janet: Makes you cry. (What does Fat Albert say?) Scott: Unt I did. (What the fuck's an unt? Three fourths of a cunt) (I love magic tricks, but I fucking hate celery) (His name was Robert Paulson. His name was Robert Paulson. His name was Robert Paulson.) Frank: Rocky! How [could you?]Heterosexual] Dr. Scott: This way! This way! Riff Raff: Shut up! WISE UP Frank: I'll tell you once; I won't tell you twice. You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss. Your apple pie don't taste too nice. You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss. (Ow, ow-ow. Ow, ow-ow. Ow, ow-ow.) I've laid the seed; it should be all you need. You're as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string. When we made it, didja hear a bell ring? (*ring bell*) Ya gotta block? Well, take my advice. You better wise up, Janet Weiss. The transducer will seduce ya. Janet: My feet! I can't move my feet! Scott: My wheels! My God, I can't move my [wheels!]Moustache] (My god! I cant masturbate into my socks if theyre glued to the floor!) Brad: It's as if we're glued to the spot!

Frank: You are! So quake with fear, you [tiny]Tight-assed] fools! Janet: We're trapped! (In a really bad movie) Frank: It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice. (One, two, three, four, next time use the fucking door) Scott: You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic transducer...it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transport device? Brad: You mean... (A vibrator?) Scott: Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. (A working vibrator) But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. (A perfect working vibrator) A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space (A Stargate vibrator) and, who knows, perhaps even time itself! (Dr. Who's vibrator!) Janet: You mean he's going to send us to another planet? (What's the name of this song?) Frank: Planet, shmanet, Janet! (God dammit) You better wise up, Janet Weiss. You better wise up, build your thighs up, You better wise up Narrator: And then she cried out... (Don't-) Janet: Stop! (Oh shit, my armpit fell out) Frank: Don't get hot and flustered! (What do you do when you run out of lube?) Use a bit of mustard. (Extra spicy) Brad: You're a hot dog, (Up the) but you better not try to [hurt her.]Fist fuck her] (Show us how, Brad) Frank Furter. Scott: You're a hot dog, (Up the) but you'd better not try to [hurt her,]Finger fuck her] (Show us how Dr.

Scott) Frank Furter. Janet: [You're a hot dog --]Shut the fuck up!] (Whose Tim Curry?) Columbia: My God! (Mine too) I can't stand any more of this! (Then sit the fuck down) First you spurn me for Eddie, (Sperm?) and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! (Well it was hot) You chew people up and then you spit them out again... (He's bulemic) I loved you... (What did you say?) do you hear me? I loved you! (Thank you) And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: a big nothing.(At least it was a big nothing) You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their [love and emotion.]Condoms and lotion] Yeah, well, I've had enough. (NIPPLE!) You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named because of the rocks in his head. (Oh shit, what a bitch, quick Magenta, flip the switch) (Hefty lefty, slighty righty. I guess we know which side Eddie slept on. The inside) Frank: It's not easy having a good time... (Try Six Flags on acid. Try Six Fags on acid) (Great party, everyone got stoned. Cheap party, everyone got plastered) even smiling makes my face ache... (Your face makes my face ache) (Now do your favorite jewish mother impression and talk to your favorite red wall) and my children turn on me... (Don't you mean your children turn you on?) Rocky's behaving just the way that Eddie did. (Show us the only part of your body that hasn't been fucked. I beg differ) Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them? (Yes) Magenta: I grow [veary of this world!]Veary of zis accent] When shall we return to Transylvania, huh? (When we find moose un squirrel!) Frank: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother [Riff Raff.]Woof woof] You have both served me well. (You're loosing her, you're loosing her. She's going, she's going, she's going, and she's gone) Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous. Magenta: I ask for nothing. (Then let the bitch work for me!) Master. Frank: And you shall receive it... (Where?) in abundance! (Fi, fie, foe, fum, first I jack off then I-) Come, we are ready for the floor show! (But is the cast?) (Ladies and Gentlemen of the audience, if you find Magenta's eyeballs, please return them to the box office. Fuck that, I'm selling them on Ebay. Fuck that, I'm selling them on Craigslist. Im just gonna skull fuck the bitch) (Does the following count as statutory rape? Only if they touch the finger. The cripple always get fucked over) (First one to top gets to be on top, watch Magenta run) Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, (Why does he keep making those farting noises with his hands?) fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. (Why does he have an air vent on his desk? He likes a nice, steady blow) But it

was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted (Frank's cum) forbidden fruit. (Same thing) This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals (Yay little morals) ...and some persuasion. (The gay persuasion) What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show (Yes! What OF the floor show?) that is spoken of? (Where do yo masturbate?) In an empty house? (When do you masturbate?) In the middle of the night? (In the middle of the night~) What diabolical (Chicken, stepped on your forehead, fucked your chin, stole your neck, and shat on your ascot?) (It was Foghorn Leghorn. I say, I say boy) plan had seized Frank's crazed imagination? What indeed? (Are we gonna have an orgy or a picnic? I want a picnic) From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic. (Fuck!) (Ladies and Gentlemen, pay very close attention. THIS is what will happen to you if you don't swallow. Or jack off into a fan.) (It's the new show, Queer Eye for the Everybody. And up next, everyone's favorite show: Samurai Electrician. Iy-iy-iy-iy-iy-iy-iy!)

FLOOR SHOW

A. ROSE TINT MY WORLD

Columbia: It was great when it all began. (Wubba, wubba) I was a regular [Frankie fan.]Lesbian] But it was over when he had the plan To start a-working on a muscle man. Now the only thing that gives me hope (Is smokin dope) Is my love of [a certain dope.]fucking the pope] Rose tints my world (NIPPLES!), keeps me safe from my trouble and pain. Rocky: I'm just seven hours old, (And can't dance) And truly beautiful to behold. (And can't sing) (I can't dance, I can't sing) And somebody should be told My libido hasn't been controlled. Now the only thing I've come to trust (Is Janet's bust) Is an orgasmic rush of lust. (Anal floss) Rose tints my world and keeps me safe [from my trouble and pain.]While I polish my balls] (Describe alegbra) Brad: It's beyond me; (What do you say when you masturbate?) help me Mommy! I'll be good; you'll see. Take this [dream]Boa] away. What's this? (It's the floor) Let's see, I feel sexy! What's come over me? (Dont you remember, it was Frank) Woo! Here it comes again.

Janet: I feel [released;]Real cheap] bad times deceased. [My confidence has increased;]I still have Frank's cum in my teeth] reality is here. The game has been disbanded; my [mind]Twat] has been expanded. (What's that smell? Cover it up!) It's a gas that Frankie's landed! His lust is so sincere. (Kiss my ass, bitch. What? No tongue?) (If I could turn back time)

B. FANFARE/DON'T DREAM IT Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray? (She got fucked by a forty foot ape) That delicate, satin-draped frame? (That shit was poly rayon, bitch, I know my fabrics, I watch Project Runway) As it clung to her thigh (Like cum after a gang bang) How I started (To laugh?) to cry (You would cry to if you were cum after a gang bang) Cause I wanted to be dressed [just the same.]Like a chicken] Give yourself over (Frank's so hot even the stage has a boner) to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure (Has anyone seen my cat, Fluffy? She's got like 6 heads, and 12 legs. She's black and really cute. Wait, wait. Fluffy? FLUUUUUFFFFYYYYYYYY!!!!!) And sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh... oh! (The ceiling Michelangelo, I said the ceiling.) Don't dream it, (That's the last time I ever trust a ninja turtle with water colors) be it. Don't dream it, be it. (Oh shit, now we're all going down on Frank) Don't dream it, be it. (He's so gay, he can't even float straight) (You wouldn't float straight either if you had God's finger up your ass) (Titanic backwards spells Seen A Tit) Don't dream it, be it. (I smell Tollhouse cookiiieeesss!) All: Don't dream it, be it. Don't dream it, be it. (Last one in has to be in the sequel. Poor Columbia. She needs a bit of Shock Treatment) Don't dream it, be it. Don't dream it, be it. (Brad's got Frank by the balls) Don't dream it, be it. (Use the Force! Use the Schwartz!) Scott: Ach! We've got to get (The fuck) out of this trap (And into that pool) before this decadence (Yay decadence) saps our wills. I've got to be strong, (Like a good condom should) and try to hang on, (Like a good condom should) or else my mind may well snap, (Like a good condom shouldn't) and my life will be lived... (Why do you fuck girlscouts?) [for the thrills!]for the cookies] (What's algebra?) Brad: It's beyond me; (What do you say when you masturbate?) help me Mommy! (Hey Frank, how does the slut taste tonight?)

Janet: God bless Lilly St. Cyr. (Hey Frank, whose pool is this?)

C. WILD AND UNTAMED THING Frank: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my! I'm a wild and an untamed thing. I'm a bee with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll pump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. (Masturbate right) We're gonna shake it 'till (Masturbate left) the life has gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain. (Go, go Power Rangers!) All: We're a wild and an untamed thing. We're bees with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll pump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain. We're a wild and an untamed thing. We're bees with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone, gone, gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain. (Oh shit, it's the plot twist!) Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, [it's all over.]The movie's almost over] Your mission is a failure; Your [lifestyle's]Sex lifes] too extreme. [I'm your new commander; You now are my prisoner.]I just fucked my sister, you can smell my finger] We return to Transylvania. [Prepare the transit beam.]Magenta start the car] (Hey Magenta, there's lesbians in the parking lot) Frank: Wait! (There's some in here) (What do you say when your mom find's your Rocky Horror costume?) I can explain! (It's a dildo for Charlie's Angels. It's a butt plug for Alvin and the Chipmunks) (You go play with a light, and you go fuck with some switches. Ill stand here, smear my makeup, sing a sappy showtune, and try to save my ass) (Big purple onion) (Georgia Tech Graduate) (Ladies and Gentlemen,

for one night, and one night only: Alfalfa Shadow)

I'M GOING HOME

Frank: On the day I went away All: Goodbye Frank: Was all I had to say All: Now I Frank: I want to come again, (And again and again) and stay. (Hard) All: Oh, my, my Frank: Smile, and that will mean [I may.]I'm gay] Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies Through the tears in my eyes (What a bitch!) And I realize, [I'm going home.]I'm fucking stoned] (Visine might get out the reds, but it don't do shit for the blues and greens) All: I'm going home. (Instant audience, just add acid. Instant math, just add) (Where have you had sex?) Frank: Everywhere (How's it been?) it's been the same (You said I was special!) All: Feeling (What's it like when you piss upside down into a ceiling fan?) Frank: Like I'm outside in the rain All: Wheeling (How much is a blowjob from Columbia?) Frank: Free (I'll take ten!) to try and find a game (You just lost the game)

All: Dealing Frank: Cards for sorrow, cards for pain. 'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies Through the tears in my eyes And I realize, I'm going home. (Stand for the queen. Rise for the queen.) (Let's start an 80's slow clap) Frank & All: I'm going home. Magenta: How sentimental. (What a bitch) (It's the audience at The Last Airbender... 2) Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you. (F-) You see, (-K, spells fuck) when I said WE were to return to Transylvania, (I was speaking French) I referred only to Magenta (What the fuck's a Magenter? One who Magents) and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but (F-) you see, (K, still spells fuck) you are to remain here, (In a body bag) in spirit, anyway. Scott: Great heavens! That's a laser! Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter. (Does that mean it doesn't matter?) Brad: You mean... you're going to kill him? What's his crime? (Male fraud and gay walking) Scott: You saw what became of Eddie. Society must be protected. (Fuck society. Dont fuck society, youll get a social disease. Not if youre first) Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N Furter, your time has come. Say goodbye to all of this, (Goodbye all of this!) and hello... (Hello) to oblivion! (Hi Oblivion, how's the wife and kids? Still fucking the secretary?) (With a blink of an eye, and a twitch of a lip, first one to scream, gets it in the tit) (Go UNDER the curtain, under it. Not over it, under it.) (Watch out for King Kong's pubic hair) (It's ok, he's not dead yet! He's still alive! Ohp, now he's dead) (Don't lift up the curtain, there's bad music under there!) (You were the chosen one! You were like a brother to me. You were supposed to bring balance to the force, not destroy it! I loved you!) (Chest of steel. Back of steel. Shoulder of steel. Plank of wood. Armpit of steel. Get your hand off of my ass. Buns of steel!. Tower of card board. Pool of DEATH.) (Waiter, there's a fag in my soup) Brad: Good God!

Janet: You killed them! Magenta: But I thought you liked them. They liked you. (Get paranoid, Riff) Riff Raff: They didn't like me! (Get REAL paranoid, Riff) He never liked ME! Scott: You did right. (You god damn cripple. You stole my [arking space, and my bathroom. Prepare to die) Riff Raff: A decision had to be made. (And you fucked up) (Someone should go get change for MARTA) Scott: You're O.K. by me. (Nanu nanu) Riff Raff: Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your nephew. Scott: Eddie? (Why don't you get her off while you're up there) Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh. Riff: You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the entire house back to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania. (Woo! Now you're just pissing her off, she doesn't like to cuddle. Now go wash your face, it looks like a glazed donut) Go... Now! (Does this mean we can't use your phone?) (It's the new Nirvana album: Smells Like Courtney Love) Our noble mission is completed, my most (hideous Q-Tip) beautiful sister, (If she's the beautiful one, I'd hate to see the ugly one. I have, and she is) and soon we shall return to the moon-drenched shores of our (Moon drenched planet the fucking moon) beloved planet. Magenta: Ah, sweet (Go for the Oscar, bitch. The scripts on the ceiling. And don't forget to pull Riff's invisible dick) Transsexual, land of night. (And high electric bills) To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain... (Dark refrain, oh darling, dark refrain) To take that (White shit out of my hair) step, to the right... (Eject the tampon!) Both: HAH!! (Oh shit, the movie's starting over!) Riff Raff: But it's the pelvic THRUST... Transylvanians: That drives you insane!

Magenta: And our world... (If you pay attention, you will be able to see Janet picking her nose, right... now!) will do the Time Warp...again! (Elbow quickie!) (Its a miracle, he can walk!) (Win gardium Leviosa! Swish and flick, mother fucker. Swish and flick)

SUPER HEROES Brad: I've done a lot; (Of anal sex) God knows I've tried (Having anal sex) To find the truth. (About anal sex) I've even lied. (About having anal sex) But all I know is (Because of anal sex) down inside [I'm]My ass is] All: Bleeding (Ladies and gentlemen, Susan Sarandon in: Cats!) Janet: [And super heroes]Meow, meow, meow, meow] (Stumble, stumble, fall) [Come to the feast]Meow, meow, meow, meow] (Stumble, stumble, fall) [To taste the flesh]Meow, meow, meow, meow] (Stumble, stumble, don't fall) [Not yet deceased.]Meow, meow, meow, meow] (Stumble, stumble, sit, bitch) And all I know is (That bitch looks like Chewbacca's sister. Get that wookie off my screen) still the beast is All: Feeding (Let's play everyone's favorite game: Find the cripple! Nope, that's the asshole, go lower. Not to the right. Nope, that's the slut, go lower. That's him! *cheer* How he fuck did his wheelchair get outside?) (Someone should spin the world! Stop the world, I want to get off!) Narrator: And crawling on the planet's face (What did you have for breakfast?) Some insects, (Why's your phone bill so high?) called the human race (Where's your neck?) Lost in time, (What's your favorite movie?) and lost in space, (What does this movie lack?) And meaning. (Once more for the virgins) All: Meaning. (Of course China's red. It should be yellow!) SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE Usherette: Science Fiction Double Feature. Frank has built and Lost his creature. Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet.

The servants gone to A distant planet. Wo, oh, oh, oh. At the late night, double feature, Picture show. I want to go, oh, oh, oh. To the late night, double feature, Picture show.