LITTLE JOHNNY THE COMPLETE COLLECTION ==================== Math Class Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math

problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ? Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking.. ____________________________________________________________ Red and Shiny The teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question, " What is bright red and shiny?" Little Johnny jumped up and shouted, " A fire engine !!!!???" "No! No!" said the teacher," But I like the way you think.. Anyone else?" Little Susan replied that it was an apple and the teacher was happy except Johnny of course.. Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he can ask a question to which she nodded OK. " What is long, hard, rounded and has hair at one end? " "JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE..." Johnny replied, " No, it's a toothbrush, but I like the way you think".. ____________________________________________________________

Confused Little johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls, and would his mother, "please sit down and have a talk with johnny about this." So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.. - first, johnny, you take off my blouse.... so unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.. - ok, now take off my skirt.... and he takes off her skirt.. - now take off my bra.... which he does.. - and now, johnny, please take off my panties.. and when johnny finishes removing those, she says, "johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!" ____________________________________________________________ What are you doing Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on.. Little Johnny walked into the bathroom and saw his father removing a used condom.. "Daddy, what are you doing?" asked little Johnny.. His father looked around nervously wondering what he could tell his son.. I, um, I'm just checking out the bathroom for mice." replied his father.. Johnny looked at his father with a gaze of confusion and said, "Well, what are you doing? Fucking them?" ____________________________________________________________ Classroom one day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces

to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag.. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.. The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?" Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!" ____________________________________________________________ Not Another Word Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and -" The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me." The father comes home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him.. "But why?" croaks the husband. "Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me." "Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed

and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob Heaven ____________________________________________________________ Pass or Fail Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well during the year that the teacher suggested to the principal that they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed.. The principal agreed so they called Johnny into the office, explained, then the teacher asked, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I only have two of?" Johnny replied, "Legs." The teacher asked, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I don't have in my pants?" Johnny replied, "Pockets." The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?" Johnny replied. "Rome." The teacher turned to the principal and asked, "Should we pass him?" The principal replied, "Better not ask me, I got the first two wrong" ____________________________________________________________ Harassment Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.. Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'.. ____________________________________________________________ Cookie Time Little Johnny was in school one day when the teacher brought around cookies for snack time. "Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie." "I don't fucking want one," declared Johnny.. The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother and scheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day.. When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her hide behind the curtain until snack time came around. As she came to Little Johnny, she again told him "Here Little Johnny... It's time for your cookie."

"I don't fucking want one," stated Little Johnny again.. The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother, "See? Did you hear what he said?" "So don't fucking give him one," said Little Johnny's mother.. ____________________________________________________________ Loaf of Bread Little Johnny's mother sent Little Johnny to the store to get a loaf of bread.. Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny." He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?" Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread Father". ____________________________________________________________ A new teacher while introducing herself to children said "My name is Miss. Prussy and it is easy to remember. Just remember the word pussy in your rhyme and add "r" in between first two letters. Next day techer wanted to test whether children could remember her name or not. So she asked the whole class to tell her name a little louder. Silence prevailed for sometime as none of the children could remember her name. Then little Johnny remembered suddenly and shouted with excitement "Crunt". ____________________________________________________________ Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" ____________________________________________________________ Little Johnny had some sex questions for his father, "Dad,

what does 'pussy' mean?" The father took the little boy up to his study room and got out a Playboy magazine. He opened the book to the centerfold and too got out an ink pen. He drew a small circle in the appropriate place and told Johnny, "See that circle, everything inside the circle is a pussy." "Oh," said little Johnny. "One more thing, what is a bitch?" "Well," said the father, "see that little circle? A 'bitch' is everything outside the circle if it doesn't give you what is inside the circle..." ____________________________________________________________ A third grade teacher told her class, "Children, we are going to begin to study a little sex education. Tonight, girls, your first assignment will be to find out from your parents how to avoid Getting pregnant. For you boys, your assignment will be to go home and find out what a penis is." So little Johnny goes home and asks his father, "Daddy, what is a penis?" The father pulls down his pants and points proudly saying, "Son, that is a perfect penis." The next day, when Johnny gets to school, his best friend runs up to him on the playground and says to Johnny, "I forgot to find out what a penis is! What's a penis!" Johnny tells him, "Come on." So they both go into the boys room and Johnny pulls down his pants. He points down and says, "There, if that was a little smaller, it would be a perfect penis!" ____________________________________________________________ Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, "That's it! No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching them and crushing them under

his feet. His father again caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, "No butter for you for one month!" Early that evening, Johnny's mother was cooking lot more fun the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead. Johnny's mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her. To which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or do you want me to?" ____________________________________________________________ A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passedby his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" ___________________________________________________________ Salesman A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy, is your father home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?" ___________________________________________________________ Too Young A guy's walking down the street and sees Dirty Johnny smoking a cigarette. He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke." Johnny looks up and doesn't say anything. The guy says, "How old are you?" Johnny says, "Six." The guy says, "Six? When did you start smoking?" Johnny says, "Right after the first time I got laid." The guy says, "Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?" Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk." ___________________________________________________________

Bathroom Little Johnny was sitting in class and started waving his arm saying, teacher!, teacher! I have to go pee!" The teacher called Johnny to her desk and said, "Now Johnny, in this class we use proper wording, the correct word is urinate. You may go to the bathroom, but when you come back I want you to give me a sentence using the word urinate." So Johnny goes down the hall to the bathroom and when he comes back the teacher says, "O.k. Johnny, I want to hear your sentence now" Little Johnny says,"O.K., here goes---Urinate, but you'd be a ten if your tits were bigger"!!!! ___________________________________________________________ Sex Little Johnny was a curious little guy and was always asking questions. One day, when his aunt was visiting, he went into his typical interrogation. Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how old are you? Auntie: Well Johnny, that's not a question that you ask a lady. Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, how much do you weigh? Auntie: Johnny! That's not a question you ask a lady. Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, why don't you and your boyfriend sleep in the same bed? Auntie: Johnny, stop this! That's not a question you ask a lady! Johnny went off to play but the next day he was talking to his aunt again. Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how old you are. You're 32 years old. Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that? Johnny: Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, I know how much you weigh. You're 135 pounds. Auntie: Johnny! How do you know that? Johnny: And Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. I know why you don't sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend. Auntie: Johnny! Stop this! How do you know all this? Johnny: Well, I found your driver's license last night.

Here it says that you're 32 years old and here it says that you weigh 135 pounds. And right down here it explains why you don't sleep in the same bed as your boyfriend. Auntie: Where does it say that? Johnny: Right here. It says you got an "F" in Sex. ___________________________________________________________ No Fighting Little Johnny comes home from catholic school wit a black eye. His father see's it and says "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me! "Johnny", the father said. You don't do those kind of things to women. Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!" ___________________________________________________________ Big Sister Little Johnny was twelve years old and like other boys of his age, rather curious. He has been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to him, she told him to hide behind the curtain one night and watch his older sister and her boy friend. This he did. The following morning he described everything to his mother. "Sis and her boy friend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights, and he started kissing and hugging her. I figured sis must be getting sick because she started looking funny. He must have thought so too

because he put his hand under her blouse to feel her heart just like a doctor would, except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding the heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got worse, and began to moan and squirm around. They slid down to the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever, because sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick: A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow.. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about ten inches long. Honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When sis saw it she got really scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open. She started calling out to god and stuff like that. She said t was the biggest one she had ever seen. I should tell her about the ones down at the lake.. Any ways, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go... I guess it bit her back, then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pants pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again. Sis laid back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it, and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.. After a while, they both got up and gave a great sigh, her boyfriend got up and sure enough, they had killed the eel. i know it was dead, because it just hung ther, limp and some of its insides were hanging out.. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing again. By Golly, the eel wasn't dead. It jumped straight-up and started to fight again. guess eels are like cats... they have nine lives... This time sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After fifty-five minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was this time because i saw sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

Johnny's mother fainted. ___________________________________________________________ Sunday School At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard." ___________________________________________________________ LITTLE JOHNNY XIII One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extreamlly bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same froom as his teacher. In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frigtened by the sight of alex standing right over her. He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep. She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay. Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button...and she said "NO". "But my mommy lets me do it when i can't sleep and it helps." So the teacher says " okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do." and a few minutes later the teacher says "OH...thats not my bellybutton." And Johhny says, "thats not my finger." ___________________________________________________________ There is a teacher teaching sex ed to a bunch of 5th graders. She walks to the chalk board and raws a huge penis on the board! She truns to the class and simply asked the class, "Class, does and one know what that is?" The class sits silently for a second or two than little johnny stands from the back! He yells, "I know what that is! It's a PENIS! I know cause my dad's got two!" "The small one he pee's from, the big one he brushs the babysitters teeth with!" ___________________________________________________________ A salesman rang the door bell and little Johnny answered. The salesman asked if his father was at home. Little Johnny: "Yes." The salesman: "Well, can I see him please?" Little Johnny: "No, he is in the shower." The

Salesman asked if his mother was at home. Little Johnny: "Yes." The Salesman: "Well can I see her?" Little Johnny: "No, she's in the shower too.." The Salesman: "Do you think they will be out soon?" Little Johnny: "No." The salesman asked why. Little Johnny: "Well, when my dad asked me for the vaseline I gave him some super glue instead." ___________________________________________________________ Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his mother. They go to the elephant exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is taking a leak. Johnny points to the pachyderm`s privates and says, "Mommy, what`s that?" Mommy, seeing the huge penis, turns bright red and says, "Oh, that`s nothing. Never mind. Come along now." A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with his father. Johnny grabs his dad by the hand, and pulls him over the elephants, saying he has a question. Once there, Johnny points to the elephant`s penis and says, "Daddy, what`s that?" Dad replies, "Didn`t your mother tell you?" "Yes, she told me it was nothing." "Well, That's true. That's nothing for your mother." ___________________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher asks her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" The first little girl answers, "The sky is definitely blue," but the teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange, or purple and pink." A second little boy answers, "Trees are definitely green." The teacher says, "Sorry,Timmy, but in the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!" "OK", says Johnny, "then I have DEFINITELY shit in my pants!" ___________________________________________________________ My teacher is really giving me a tuff time,"Little Johnny was telling his Father. "Handle it this way Johnny," his father advised. "Take special care with your personal appearance and attire. Pay attention in class. And do your assignments and homework promptly." "I really don't think that'll help Dad, Johnny rejoined. "She hissed at me during study break that she's 3 weeks overdue." ___________________________________________________________ The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school

work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With you," he said. "But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child." "Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber." ___________________________________________________________ The teacher brought a Venus statue in class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert." "The artwork," says Robert. "Very good. And you, Peter?" "Her tits!" says Peter. "Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?" "I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..." ___________________________________________________________ Mrs. Smith, a third grade teacher wanted the class to play a game where one student starts drawing on the board, then one by one others add to it. She thinks and decides not to start with Johnny,beause he is so naughty and always has some "unusual" pictures in mind. So she starts with Anne. Anne: "This is our house". /\ /\ /\ /\ || || || Teacher: "Good Anne!" and asks Peter to draw next: Peter: "This is our house's door". /\ /\

/\ /\ || |_| |||| | |_| | Teacher:"Very good, Peter" and calls Mary: Mary: "This is our house roof". /\ /UU\ /\ /\ || |_| |||| | |_| | Teacher:"Very nice, Mary" and calls on Stevie: Stevie: "And this is the sun over our house." \|/ -O/|\ /\ /UU\ /\ /\ || |_| |||| | |_| | Teacher:"Very nice Stevie" and thinks, there is not much damage that Johnny can do with this picture and asks johnny to come to the board. Johnny: "And this is my Dad, trying to pick up the soap when he dropped it in the shower.

________ /\ / \|/ \ / -O- \ | /|\ | | /\ | | /UU\ | |/\| |/\| ||||

||_|| _| | | | | |_ (____| |_| |____| ___________________________________________________________ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks, "Johnnie! What is your problem?!" Johnnie says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister's in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!" The teacher had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the principal's office and explained Johnnie's request. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Johnnie's teacher that he would give the boy a test and if Johnnie failed to answer any of the special questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnnie was brought into the room. The principal told Johnnie his terms and Johnnie agreed. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnnie: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnnie: "36" Principal: "What is 9 x 9?" Johnnie: "81" And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know.

Johnnie appeared to have a strong case. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, "I think Johnnie can go on to the third grade. "The teacher, knowing Little Johnnie's tendency toward sexual wisecracks, said to the principal, "Let *me* ask him some questions before we make that decision? "The principal and Johnnie both agreed, Johnnie with a sly look on his face. The teacher began by asking, "What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2 of? "Johnnie: "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have? "The principal's eyes opened wide! Before he could stop Johnnie 's expected answer, Johnnie said, "Pockets." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "I think we should put Johnnie in the fifth grade. I missed the last two questions myself!" -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------It is nearing the end of the school day. The teacher said, "Children, if any of you can answer one of the questions

I have, you can leave early today." Little Johnny said to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and I can answer any of the questions." The teacher began, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Suzie said, "Abraham Lincoln." "That's right, Suzie," said the teacher. "You can go home." Johnny was angered because Suzie answered first. Then, the teacher asked, "Who said, 'I have a dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King." "That's right, Mary," said the teacher. "You can leave as well." Well, Johnny wasn't angry anymore. He was mad. Then, the teacher asked, "Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John F. Kennedy". "That's right, Nancy" said the teacher. "You can go home now too." Well, Johnny was boiling mad now. In fact, he was furious.Then, the teacher turned her back, and Johnny blurted out, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut." "Who said that?" insisted the teacher. "Bill Clinton. There, can I go now?" Little Johnny, a fifth grade student has a penis so large, his

parents warned him not to have anything to do with girls. They cautioned him he could easily kill someone. Through the grapevine, his teacher learns about his unusual size, keeps him after school and suggests they have sex. He refuses expressing concern he might kill her. She laughs and scoffs at the idea and says she will elect to be on top, in complete control, and nothing bad can happen. He reluctantly agrees but the teacher experiences such wonderful sensations, she faints from pure joy. Thinking he's killed her, Johnny runs from the class room sobbing and crying, "Oh my God!... I killed her! I killed her!" All at once he stops dead in his tracks, and look of dawning comprehension appears on his face as he says, "Wait just a minute! I didn't kill her. The dumb bitch committed suicide!"

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty !" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good" and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What

did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The Teacher fainted. Little Johnny is sleeping in bed, when his mother comes along and says: "Rise and shine Johnny, time to wake up." Little Johnny replies, "5 more minutes mum." His mother decides to give Johnny 5 more minutes, so she goes down the stairs and starts cooking breakfast. Five minutes Little Johnny comes down the stairs and is crying uncontrollably. "What's wrong Johnny?" asks Johnny's mother. "I had a wet dream last night," Johnny replied. His mother is surprised, but keeps her composure. "That's nothing to cry over, is it Johnny?" she says. "Of course it bloody is," says Little Johnny. "Now whenever anyone asks me what the first thing I said after my first orgasm is, I'll have to tell them '5 more minutes mum!'" A third grade school teacher was trying to explain to her class the difference between singular and plural. She said, ''What do you call it if one woman looks out a window?'' Charlotte said, ''Singular.'' The teacher said, ''That's right Charlotte. Now, what do you call it if three women are looking out of a window?'' And little Johnny raised his hand and blurted out, ''A whorehouse.''