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The Pioneer Log Features

february 10, 2012

You, dear readers of The Pioneer Log, have loosened your lips and shared the best, worst, and everything else one neednt know to enjoy this bullshit holiday. From your feedback, weve compiled a few top five lists for Valentines Day 2012.
WORST PLACE TO TAKE YOUR VALENTINE: 5. e Trail Room 4. Strip club 3. Frey Meyer 2. Candlelit smoke break at the DSA 1. Planned Parenthood BEST PLACES TO GET IT DONE ON CAMPUS: 5. Rose garden 4. Watzek American History section 3. On the tennis dome 2. e empty re ecting pool 1. Behind Bettys desk WORST VALENTINES DAY SONG: 5. Im a Slave 4 U Britney Spears 4. Youre Beautiful James Blunt 3. Lemme Smang It Yung Humma 2. Better With e Lights O New Boyz 1. Too Drunk To Fuck Dead Kennedys WORST VALENTINES DAY FOOD: 5. Chipotle burrito 4. Asparagus 3. Meatloaf 2. Rohypnol 1. A yeasty vagina WORST VALENTINES DAY GIFTS: 5. Bacon roses 4. STDs 3. Anything made by Hallmark 2. A penis pump 1. Your period. Love, Mother Nature HOTTEST FACULTY OR STAFF: 5. Reiko Hillyer 4. Monica Miller 3. Mattheiu Raillard 2. Jerry Harp...that beard 1. Betty WORST VALENTINES DAY MOVIES: 5. e Notebook 4. Valentines Day 3. Porn 2. Human Centipede 1. Teeth WORST VALENTINES DAY STORIES: Sophomore year of high school, my boyfriend broke up with me because his grandpa is transgender. My boyfriend bought us tickets to a private, clothing-optional tub at a spa and bathhouseafter wed been going out for two weeks and hadnt had sex yet.
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Not your grandmas Valentines Day

Chocolate and other drugs

The myth of chocolate as an aphrodisiac is busted by The Pioneer Logs resident food expert
BY KEVIN RYAN
Staff Writer

ILLUSTRATIONS BY SAMANTHA SARVET

ere is a common myth that chocolate is an aphrodisiac, and Godiva certainly takes advantage of this on Valentines Day. e truth is, chocolate has no such powers. e components of chocolate commonly thought responsible for its aphrodisiac e ects are theobromine, phenylethylamine, anandamide and tryptophan. eobromine is quite similar to ca eine, only less potent, so it has no e ect on us. Only a small amount of the amphetamine phenylethylamine are in chocolate, and it is metabolized before it can take e ect. Anandamide does mimic THC, but you would have to eat about 20 pounds of chocolate to feel the e ects (though tempting, I did not try it). Tryptophan is the most plausible culprit, as it releases serotonin in your brain, but the e ects are so minute that they are irrelevant. Unfortunately, chocolate has no scienti c backing as an aphrodisiac. For a chocolate lover like me,

this news is demoralizing. Despite this sour news, there is a sweeter twist: if chocolate isnt the candy of love, then we can celebrate Valentines Day with whatever unusual sweets we feel like without the burden of romantic intentions. erefore, I went to Freddies in search of such candies. Ginger Chews, for example, are small pieces of ginger candy about the size and texture of a Tootsie Roll; they have a divine mixture of sweet and spicy, perfect for a ginger lover. Cinnamon Imperials are another favorite of mine. ey resemble a crunchier, milder version of Red Hots, and the cinnamon taste lingers lightly in the back of your mouth. e oddest of the bunch are Mango Wafers, which have a distinct mango avor that captures the succulent fruitiness and roundness of mangoes. e ratio of crunch to cream is perfect! In the interest of amor, this Valentines Day, I encourage you to skip the chocolate and be adventurous with your sweets.