How to Respond to Rude Email at Work

You've reread it three times and still it seems like the email message was nothing but rude. But should you call them and clarify if they meant to be rude... or not? Netiquette at work is as important as anywhere else. Allowing the standards of politeness to slip simply because the medium used emboldens people who would usually not be so forthright in a face-to-face context is not acceptable. However, it's also important to be realistic and objective about those emails that you think are rude but might be quite something else. So, the next time your boss, co-worker, or even the head honcho at work sends you what you think is a rude email, here's what you might like to do. Discern what a rude email probably looks like. It's easy to misinterpret the intent, tone, and words of an email. Obviously, an email doesn't come equipped with facial expressions, voice tone, and body language, so if you're feeling swamped with work, sugar-depleted, and feel like you just want to get out of the office, it can be easy to make the mistake of assuming negative intent in an email where there was none intended. Signs that you might have a rude email include: The language used is clearly abusive and/or derogatory. (If you do receive an email filled with foul language, this is likely to be a breach of your workplace policy, and it's highly unprofessional. It can also be cause for legal action depending on what is said, especially if you feel threatened, harassed, or slurred.) The email is written in all capitals (yelling)[1] or particular parts of it that express demands or condescension are written in all capitals. (Be aware that some bosses and coworkers are still grappling with the All Caps key, so they may need to be simply excused out of sheer laziness or lack of "getting with it".) The email is basically a demand with no hello, please, thank you, or closing name. Not using your name and not signing off is fine for an email that is an ongoing interaction but when it's the first email for a fresh topic and it's making a demand or giving instructions, then it's impolite to leave out these small courtesies in a workplace context.[2] The email refers to you unkindly (personal digs) or levels accusations at you and/or suggests that you do X, Y, Z, or else. A rude email may have a lot of exclamation marks or question marks in it. Multiple uses of "!!!!!!" and "??????" is often viewed as being rude or condescending.[3] However, it can also be a sign of emphasis, so don't use this alone as an indicator. The sender is copying in someone else who is in charge of both of you as a means of "coercing" you into doing something

Read the email carefully before making up your mind as to its intent. If you simply scanned it and decided it was rude, it is vital to read it with greater care. Even if you read it carefully the first read, reread it to ensure that you haven't missed anything or you're not reading things into it that are not there. And it's a good idea to ask yourself what it is about the email that has upset you so much. This can be another clue as to what the content intends to convey to you; for example, if you're already having a dispute with a coworker or boss and this email comes at the tail-end of a heated discussion, then it's understandable that you'll view it poorly straight away. On the other hand, if there has been no indication that your coworker or boss is annoyed with you, then perhaps you're misreading it What is the intent behind the words?

Is this person known for poor communications or someone who is normally polite? Even with someone who is normally polite, they may be struggling to put across a message effectively using the email rather than aiming to be rude. Is this person perhaps just posturing, trying to appear more forceful by email than they have the courage to be face to face? In such a case, it may be more a case of bluffing around the edges in the hope you'll do what they're too afraid to ask you to your face. Are there elements of the email you simply don't understand? In this case, you're probably better off assuming nothing until you know more. People who type fast often drop words, and some people don't think that proper punctuation or spelling is needed in emails. And then there is a growing tendency to use texting in emails, which can be hard to interpret if you don't understand it.

Avoid assuming that you know the sender's emotional state. Check that you're not making assumptions about the sender's emotional state.[5][6] Poor communication skills, misguided sarcasm or joking, and just plain lazy or sloppy writing can all lead a reader to think that the written piece is rude when it means nothing more than that a person wanted to say something but didn't get it out right. Realize that few people are highly skilled writers in a short space of time and most people write quickly with the intent to get the message off their to-do pile so they can get on with the next bit of work.

There are exceptions to this rule, of course. If you're already having a difficult time with the person in question at a face-to-face level, it's quite possible that they're letting their emotional side slip into their email communications. All the same, play it by context, not by expectation.

Hold off replying, also known as "review, don't react". Until you feel you've both understood the message objectively and calmed down, it's important not to reply. In replying quickly, you may be tempted to be just as rude, thereby compounding the problem. Even worse is to reply rudely when the original intent of the email meant nothing of the sort! So, take a breather. Close the email and take a walk. Have a cup of coffee, stretch, and do something different for a bit to clear your mind. That way, when you come back feeling a little calmer, you can reread the email and decide whether or not it's still as upsetting to you as when you first read it. Never reply in anger and always sleep on an angry reply. Long-term consequences follow from having angry words in a written record form. The more emotionally charged you are and the more emotionally charged the email, the more important it is to sleep on your reply.

Seek clarification. If you can, simply pop over and talk to the person about what they meant in their email. Resorting to face-to-face communication is more likely to clear things up than any other approach. However, it's not possible for many people who work far apart from one another, or even in different locations, states, or countries. Try telephoning as the next step, if this option is open to you. Speaking on the phone will help you to clarify things much faster than having to email back and forth. And if you really have no other choice, or it simply feels more appropriate for you to reply by email, then be polite and professional in your response. For example: Dear Kevin, Thanks for your message. I wasn't really sure how to interpret "Do you think you can muster the will to pull yourself away from the water cooler and start working on the Noxos report? I'm wondering if I'll be forced to reconsider your role here." I have to say that I read it as being quite brusque and lacking in recognition of my professionalism. I am aware that there

is a deadline and am on track to meet it; I was merely taking a very short break to refresh before I returned to completing the report. If you are worried about my progress, then I am happy to come/phone and explain where I am up to. Yours, Nelly. Or perhaps a more humorous approach (you'll need to work in the right kind of place!): Dear Kevin, Thanks for your perceptive email message. I realize that hanging around the water cooler could be perceived as time-wasting. However, you'll be pleased to know that as a result of my water cooler mini-break of precisely 2 minutes and 23 seconds, I was able to find out that Jim has already worked on the same figures as those in our report and that means I can have it finished by this evening instead of tomorrow morning. I will be happy to forward you the finished report before I leave work this evening. By the way, I love your new shoes; I spotted them under the curtain while I was at the water cooler. Nelly

Reread your reply after you've composed it. Reread it at least three times to ensure that you haven't responded with rudeness or sound overly emotional. Maintain a professional and polite tone throughout the email and remove anything from it that is unnecessary or contains assumptions about the other person's state of mind. Keep the email simple, to the point, and without any inflammatory statements. As 101 Email Etiquette Tips suggests, "type unto others as you would them type unto you."[7] Consider that you are being an example of politeness by not buying into the rudeness or any insinuations. Stern professionalism is appropriate but name-calling, cursing, accusing, and abusing is not okay; nor is using formatting in such a way as to "appear" aggressive (misuse of exclamation marks, etc.)

Realize that it's fine not to reply sometimes.[9] Sometimes it may just be better the let the rude email go. Perhaps the sender didn't know all the facts, got out of the wrong side of bed that day, or was just not thinking straight for various reasons. If you think that it might be best to just let it go and there is no need for confirmation of what was sent, or no need to answer a question, etc., then consider just letting this one slip into the ether. Act like you never received it, provided you still do the work you're expected to

Talk to your boss or human resources if there appears to be a pattern of rude emails developing. You should not be subjected to rudeness, harassment, or threats in the workplace. Harassment and threats are actionable, and rudeness is simply something a well-run workplace can do without, or morale is threatened. Keep the emails that concern you as evidence of what you've been subjected to, so that you have a record and can back up what you're saying

Keep up your end of the bargain. If in doubt about whether or not to send an email you've written when you're feeling anxious, angry, or annoyed, and you think that your feelings might be too evident in the email, leaving you open to a charge of being rude, press draft or delete. Do not send it until you've had time to think it through. Be an example of polite and professional email usage at all times.

Tips
If you want to type your own anger out, do it on a blank email or Word document. That way, you can discard it and won't accidentally hit send on the reply button! If the sender is someone with a history of being rude over email, remember that and approach the email accordingly.

Suggest that your workplace have a session on email etiquette. If nobody knows how to give this seminar, then send out for someone who does; that could be a sign that such training is needed! Realize that you don't have to put up with someone else's bad day. We all have them but we all need to keep our sense of courtesy intact too. Email is difficult even for a pro, remember that conveying emotions and intent correctly is not always possible in email. Even if it is, the recipient may not ever "get it". One way of dealing with a coworker who sends consistently rude emails is to CC in your boss or another relevant coworker every time that you reply (a sort of reverse coercion in that you're coercing them into keeping things polite). Keep your own tone polite and non-threatening and let the rude coworker's words speak for themselves.

Warnings
Anything libelous, offensive, harassing, defamatory, racist, or offensive in an email is actionable. Email is discoverable in most jurisdictions and can expose your company to litigation. A person sending such emails can be subject to discipline and even dismissal. If you're concerned that the email contains any such objectionable content, talk to your boss or human resources for further advice, or your legal representative if you don't wish to discuss it with the workplace. Some people are ticking timebombs and can vent more anger on you if you respond rudely. Stay polite and professional and if you have any concerns or you're afraid, speak to your boss or human resources about it. Avoid falling into the habit of emailing your coworkers and boss about absolutely everything when just a few footsteps would have you in front of their desk and able to talk face to face. A workplace that has fallen into the habit of always emailing and never talking despite proximity reduces the enjoyment of working with others and increases the chances of thoughtless communications using a medium that doesn't moderate behavior in the same way as seeing another person in front of us does. Professor Clay Shirky recommends to start communication face-to-face and then move on to email. Even saying "Hi" every morning goes a long way to facilitating the social glue.

How to Use Proper Business Email Etiquette

Although Internet usage has caused an increased trend of informal communication practices, it's still a wise idea to follow through on proper business email etiquette when contacting a colleague for professional purposes. Much like writing a formal business letter, your business emails should not include slang terms, text message abbreviations and other common insertions used in informal emails or instant messages. By following a few tips and guidelines, your emails will reflect your professionalism and let your credentials shine Label your emails with a professional subject line. Make it pertinent to the topic of your email. Do not use simple sayings such as "For you" or "Please Read" in your subject line. This may result in your emailing being sorted to the Junk Mail folder. A professional subject line helps ensure your email's recipient will read the email and not disregard it for miscellaneous junk or spam. Address the recipient by name, if possible. If you don't know his or her name, look it up. Most companies have a website or a phone directory. Make every attempt to learn the name of the email's recipient. Establish your identity and corporate affiliation. Even if you and the recipient of your email have met before, it's always wise to include a business signature or other information to remind him who you

are and where you work. It's a courtesy that lets them proceed to answering your email quickly, instead of having to look up who you are and how to contact you. Write the purpose of your email out clearly. Propose any deals or relationships you hope to create as a result of the email. Provide any details necessary for the reader to make any decisions or take any actions. By including all information necessary, you help to expedite any deals made as a result of the email. Avoid slang or rambling within your email. Just because text messages use abbreviations, that is not a reason to include them in your professional email. Your email should be concise. Not only is the reader a busy person, but he or she may be reading your email on a mobile device. A shorter, to-thepoint email is much easier to read and respond to than a lengthy, confusing one.

Angry customer --

Dear.....,

Thanks for contacting Vistaprint, where it's easy to make an impression for less.

In reviewing the account it shows that the order number (XXXXXXXX) was shipped on XXXXX, however there was no tracking details on the order. Please note that we are unable to track it.

In a bid to get this resolved we are able to process one of the following: We can re-order the items We can issue a store credit to your Vistaprint account, or We can issue a refund for the cost of the order. Please respond stating how you would like us to continue. Upon receipt of your response we will proceed accordingly. Thank you for choosing Vistaprint.

Sincerely,

How to Improve Your Email Etiquette

Just about everyone knows how to write a letter, and we generally take great care to make sure that snail mail letters are well written. Emails, however, have a tendency to be another matter entirely. Opening up your in-box can be like opening Pandoras box of inadequate grammar, poor spelling, and bad taste. Consider what impressions your emails make on others. It's always the right time to set your emails apart from the pack. Follow these steps and improve your email etiquette.

Use the recipient fields correctly. If youre just sending an email to one person, place their email address in the to field. If you want to send the same email to others, add these addresses in the CC: field. Note that all the recipients will be able to see all the other recipients email addresses; if this is undesirable (for example, if youre sending an email to people who dont know each other), protect their privacy by entering each address in the BCC: field. This sends everyone a blind carbon copy. Note that for company email, use of "BCC:" may be considered impolite; addressees in the "to" field are expected to take action, and those on "CC:" are for keeping colleagues or bosses informed Make the subject line useful. A good subject line provides a useful summary of the email's content, preparing the reader quickly. Email inboxes are frequently swamped, so a good subject line helps the recipient determine the priority of your email. It also helps to prevent your email from being deleted before it has even been read. Since the subject is the first thing your recipient sees, keep it error free, concise, and avoid generic lines such as "Hi," "What's up," or the recipient's name (the latter may be blocked by anti-spam filters). Be consistent. Some formats use skipped lines rather than indents for new paragraphs. Some use double space between sentences. Choose either to spell out your numbers or use digitsdo not alternate between them in the same email. If a word or notation is capitalized in one case, it should be so in all cases.

Avoid prioritizing your messages. It is irritating and presumptuous to assume your e-mail request is higher in the queue than anybody else's, especially in a work context. Be gracious enough to give the receiver credit for working out for themselves how to prioritize your message. Also take care with seeking receipts; while there are certain instances when receipt required might be needed for record keeping purposes or proof of receipt, the majority of times this is just irritating and forces the reader to perform additional actions to deal with your email. If something is really urgent, or you really need to make sure the recipient has your message, pick up the telephone and use it instead! Get out of the habit of marking every email as "Urgent! Receipt required!!" or "High Priority" or your emails will end up being treated like the boy who cried wolf and they'll all get ignored.

Greet your recipient. Letters, of course, generally begin with the salutation "Dear (recipient's name)". On the other hand, emails are generally less formal, and "Hi" or "Hello" usually suffices. Depending on the purpose of the email, for example, if it's a cover letter for a job application, you may want to use the traditional format instead. Politeness cannot be overdone.

Keep your email concise, conversational, and focused. It is harder to read letters on a computer screen than on a sheet of paper, so keep emails short and to the point. While there is no ideal email length, keep sentences short, about 8-12 words and leave a space between paragraphs.

Use proper grammar and spelling. An email reflects on its author, and an email with spelling or grammar errors reflects poorly. Use standard English, and proofread and spell-check

emails as you would any written communication. Error-free email is easier for the recipient to read.

Avoid fancy formatting. Changing fonts and colors, inserting bullet lists, or using HTML can make an email look bizarre or render it unreadable for the recipient, even if the formatting looks fine on your computer. Keep it simple.

Schedule reply to emails. Unlike snail mail, emails arrive instantly, and the sender knows this. People typically expect a quick response, and while it's polite to try to meet these expectations, doing so chews up an enormous amount of your time. It is a sensible idea to schedule times to read and respond to emails, making you more productive. Alert your colleagues, through an email signature or response, that urgent items should be done by telephone or face-to-face meet-ups, and that otherwise, you will get back to the person within a specified time frame. People will learn soon enough how your method operates.

Determine to whom you should reply. Emails sent to you solely generally require that you reply only to the sender, but for emails sent to several people, you may need to choose the "Reply to All" option to send your response to everyone. Be judicious: Using "Reply All" all the time creates returns in abundance and leaves messages languishing in the in-boxes of many people. Consider the consequences of receiving an email, hitting reply all and it goes out to twenty people and then those twenty people hit reply to all; it can compound very quickly into hundreds of thousands of emails and everyone feels compelled to hit "reply all" as a means of keeping everyone in the loop because nobody knows who is meant to read it and who is not! Which invariably means that nobody ends up actioning the item!

Think twice before replying to just say thank you. Some people don't want an email that says "thanks". This takes additional energy to open the email and read it just to read what you already know. A new trend is to include a line that says NTN - No Thanks Needed.

Edit long emails when replying to them. Generally your reply to an email will include the original email, as well. If the original email is short, you can just reply to it as is, but if it's longer, delete irrelevant parts (especially headers and signatures). Organize the reply so that you quote parts of the original email and place your responses to each part directly below so that the recipient will know exactly what questions or statements from his or her email you are responding to.

Be sure to include info that you are responding to. Many people, and companies, write and respond to hundreds of emails every day. Avoid sending an indistinct email that says only 'Yes.'. Include the question that the recipient asked so they know what you are responding to.

End your email politely. Closing with a statement such as "Best wishes," "Good luck," or "Thanks in advance for your help," can soften even a harsh email and can elicit a more favorable reply.

Sign your name. Doing this is polite and personal. Just type your name at the end of each email, or use your email application to create a default signature with your name, title, and contact information.

Limit attachments. Don't add an attachment unless really necessary. Keep attachments as small as possible. Most email applications can send and receive attachments up to 1 MB, but anything over that can be a hassle for you or the recipient, and even smaller files can take a long time to open if the recipient's email connection is slow. If you need to send a larger file, compress or zip it or use online services that will help you send large files such as YouSendIt.com. If you need to send multiple pages, such as meeting plans or large text corrections, send a fax or a typed set of pages in a letter.

Don't ignore valid emails. If someone asks you a valid question in an email, reply to it, even if the answer is not what they want to hear. If you need to pass it to someone else, then CC: the sender so they know what is going on. It's frustrating to be ignored. If the person was on the phone or in front of you, chances are you would not ignore them if they asked a question, so don't do it in an email.

Be careful of who you copy on replies. If you reply to a message and then CC: a third-party that the original sender did not include, be certain in your mind that the original sender will not be upset about it. This information may have been "for your eyes only". This is especially important if the original sender is your work supervisor. Be cautious about using BCC:. This can backfire if the person being BCC:'d replies back, not having seen that their copy was a blind one.

Think before you send. Don't send e-mails when you are emotional. Feel free to write the subject and text of the email, then save it. Only add the recipients and send it after you have had time to think about what you are sending; you might change your mind and be better off for it. Better yet, pick up the phone or even go to see the person face-to-face. It is hard enough to judge the tone of an email, even with the prevalent use of emoticons. A person's voice should tell you more about his or her intent than the written word will.

Do not use all caps. This is an unnecessary practice and it can annoy your recipient, earning you a flame letter in return. All capitals is considered to be the equivalent of "shouting".

Be careful using abbreviations and emoticons. This may be acceptable in an informal email such as with a friend. However, in a formal letter you wouldn't have to tell someone that

you're "laughing out loud," people may find it inappropriate, and could feel you are being frivolous.

Tips
If you need to do some research or some thinking before you respond to an email, or if you're too busy to write a full response promptly, send a short response letting the sender know that you got the email and advising when you will respond. When writing to an authority figure (boss, teacher, et cetera) it is best to use your best grammar possible. Make as few spelling mistakes as possible, and no abbreviations. Use spell-check if possible, or compose in Word or another program with advanced capabilities and then copy/paste into your email program. Leave a space between paragraphs to make your email easier to read. It's not necessary to indent paragraphs, however, and most people don't indent in emails. Some abbreviations, such as "BTW" for "By the Way," are commonly used in emails and are generally acceptable except in formal, professional emails. Emoticons or faces made by combining characters, such as ;-) can be used in informal emails to better express the emotions you are trying to communicate, but these should be avoided in professional communications. In a work email, show the recipient your respect by getting straight to the point: "I'm hoping you will..." "I think we should...." etc right up front, making the case in the following lines. Many people only read the first few lines before deciding to respond or to save for later. Those line should give enough of the "meat" to allow an informed decision. For personal emails, it's often a nice idea to open with a brief personal note before getting into the main point of your email. When replying to an email, you can save everybody some time by anticipating any questions or concerns your reply may elicit. Address these in your reply before somebody has to send a new email to ask about them. If your email is on a very important or sensitive subject where you are choosing your words carefully, don't add the address(es) of the recipient(s) until the email is ready to send. This ensures that if you accidentally hit 'send' it won't go anywhere. Always answer questions that are asked. Add whatever else you want but answer questions directly and simply.

Warnings

While abbreviations and non-standard spellings are acceptable for some informal emails, use these with caution, as not everybody will understand them. Avoid using all caps or superfluous punctuation, especially in work-related emails. Emails written with "caps lock" on appear unprofessional, and their big letters make it look like you're screaming at the email's recipient. Attachments can be used to carry computer viruses, so avoid opening attachments from an unfamiliar sender. Keep in mind that many people or businesses will not open attachments from someone they don't know, and some email accounts are set up to automatically send emails with attachments to the

spam folder, so if you're applying for a job, for example, make sure you follow the recipient's instructions regarding attachments. If no instructions are given, send another email to let the recipient know you'll be sending an email with an attachment. Don't forward chain emails unless you want to earn the ire of your recipients. These emails clog inboxes and waste bandwidth, and many people don't appreciate them. Do not expect that the contents of your email will be kept private. Be careful what you say or it may come back to bite you. Don't reply to spam, and don't open messages you know to be spam. Some spam emails say you can reply or click on a link to be removed from their mailing list, but this is really a way to see if your email account is active. Although email can be very useful, it can also be used in bad ways. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. Don't talk to people you don't know. Use internet safety. Email has also become a tool to ask or tell people things that you would normally never say face-toface (ever wonder why you become a different person instinctively online?). If you are sending someone ANYTHING, reread it, and ask yourself if you would say this to them if they were right next to you, or face-to-face. If it's on a touchy subject, read it twice. Make sure your sign-off is appropriate.

Don't use your work signature for personal emails - it will make you seem unfriendly

How to Handle Angry Customers1

Screen, login information, listen 2 Empathize 3 Solicit feedback 4 Apologize 5 Take ownership and formulate a solution 6 Follow up 1 Be patient. An irritated customer won't be placated by anything but a satisfactory resolution to their problem. Getting angry back at them won't help. 2 Approach the angry customer and ask what they are displeased with. Usually restating the issue they are having will help to calm them. For example, say, "I can understand your frustration with..." 3 If they ask for the manager, get him/her quickly and do your best to solve the problem. 4

After they address the problem, apologize for taking their time and inform them that you will do everything possible to correct it. Then, make sure you do everything possible to correct the situation. 5 Compliment them after the discussion. Say something to the effect of, "It's people like you that help our business." 6 The next time they call back, ask how their day is and do everything possible to be polite. 7 Don't rise to the occasion, if they are getting really angry you could ask them to leave the store or go and get someone higher than you.

Tips
Always be polite! Try not to take their complaint personally - even if it's about your own job performance. If you feel yourself become emotionally involved in the issue, it is best to step aside and let another employee handle the situation. Think about how you would want a problem handled if you had a complaint. Then, treat your angry customer as you would want to be treated. If you simply cannot give the customer what they want, give them something for free (you may need a manager's approval) to make up for it. Make the angry customer want to come back again. A customer complaint can be a vehicle for customer retention. If you handle the customer appropriately and apologize effectively you can turn a negative into a positive.

Warnings
Never be mean to the angry customer. Remember, you want them to come back again. If you insult them, they are sure to take their business somewhere else, and they'll probably tell their friends. Some customers are known to complain about anything. If you come across one of those customers, try to discuss with your manager whether this client is beneficial to the company or whether it might be worth to lose him, because he doesn't do a great deal of work and causes the company a lot of time in dealing with his daily complaints. The time wasted on one client like this could be dedicated to patients that are "true" customers. Please remember that the safety of you, your coworkers, and other customers comes first. If a customer crosses the line by making abusive, threatening, or hostile actions or threatens to, immediately call 911 and inform your supervisor when it is safe to do so. Companies would rather lose an abusive customer than have their employees, vendors, or other clients hurt or worse in the course of business.

How to Deal With Aggressive Customers

Aggressive customers are a retailer's nightmare. They are not to be confused with assertive customers who calmly insist on their rights these are the customers who get really wound up, issue threats, shout, and make unreasonable demands. They may even be physical, such as pushing an assistant, or breaking items. It is prudent to know in advance how to deal with such customers, especially if your workplace has not provided adequate training.

1
Know the numbers of security. Have these at your fingertips wherever you work the most. This is not only a form of assurance, but it is also a vital lifeline when you need trained people to step in and "manhandle" a person is out of control or threatening you.

2
Avoid responding in kind! An angry person will try to wind you up so that they can have a bitter argument. When in anger, a person can feel that they are both justified and need to let off steam. Try to remain as polite as possible. Echo their concerns in a calm, understanding manner.

3
Do not show that you feel intimidated. While it is better still to not be intimidated, if you do feel threatened, try not to show it. Remember that security can be a good back-up if relevant.

4
Accept responsibility. One thing that can often take the wind out of the sails of anger is to accept where you have done wrong and to show the customer how you'll make amends as quickly as possible. Tell the angry customer what you can do for him or her. Don't focus on the negatives - focus on the possible. Avoid telling the angry customer what she needs to do, who to speak with or see. Take her to the right person, or do it for them! Show the angry customer that you are taking on their problem as your own. It's more disarming than feeling defensive or trying a tit for tat argument.

5
If they start to get really angry, you have several options: Ask them to calm down or you will refuse service. Explain that they will be escorted from the store if they continue to threaten you or other people. Ask them to return when they don't feel quite so worked up. You might even offer the customer a quiet room and a drink of water to regain their senses, away from others.

How to Deal with Whiny Customers

Own a business, or are you employed? Have a good day even with the worst customers.

1
Don't jump at them right away. Maybe they are having a bad day. Offer to help them find what they're looking for. If they ask (or command) you to do something, assuming it is a reasonable request, do it with a smile and a willing attitude. Just being helpful and soothing may help improve their mood and the way they treat you.

2
Accept criticism, but don't absorb it. One main reason why humans just can't seem to accept criticism is because we feel the critic is wrong. Before you dismiss the criticism out of hand, consider whether or not the customer might be right. Even if the tone is sharp, the criticism could be accurate. Either way, don't take the remarks personally, or to heart. Stay cool, thank the customer for his or her input, and let them know you'll take that comment directly to your supervisor.

3
Respond to cursing or direct insults carefully. You should not be required to take cursing or insults from anyone, even your boss. If a customer is abusive to you, stop him right there. Don't return cursing with cursing, don't return an insult for an insult. Just say something like, "Pardon me, but I won't accept being spoken to this way. I will ask you to be civil to me, or leave." If the customer fumes and stomps out, be sure to contact your supervisor and let him know you had an altercation with a customer. That should be acceptable. However, if you're feeling brave, you can attempt to "handle" a customer like this: Customer: Man, all I want is this one item and you're taking forever. You: Oh, I'm so sorry; I had a little problem with the cash register... Customer: (getting very nasty now) Oh, and now that's my problem. Geez, it's not brain surgery. I guess that's why you guys don't need a college degree to work here. Probably don't even need a diploma - just enough brains to walk slow and say little words. You: (with a broad smile and a shrug and an apologetic tone) You know what, some days it feels like that. I'm like a snail today, but I don't mean to hang anyone up. I can go ahead and ring you up now if you're ready. And (address any other customers in earshot) just so you all know, I'm especially lame today, so prepare for a good long wait. (take his merchandise, ring him up, then give him another big cheesy smile) Thanks for hanging with me through my mental lapse. See you next time. The object here is not to return his insult by insulting him directly, but rather to turn his insults back around and make sure it's not you looking like a jerk, but him. And see - making sure that you remain apologetic does not demean you at all. The customer who gets whiny like this simply wants you to care about the fact that he's upset (even if it really isn't your fault he is)giving him a little validation here does not hurt you or your shop. Just keep soothing him and telling him how sorry you are that he was inconvenienced. Even if there are no other customers, it's pretty hard for a guy like this one to keep on being a total jerk to you when

you're so willing to agree with him. And you'll still feel way better after he leaves than you would have if you'd starting yelling or getting defensive with him.

4
Be positive, all the time. The last heading said to be positive, not look positive. As mentioned in Step 1, keep a slight smile and remember that a difficult customer has probably just had a difficult day or gotten bad news. It is possible that s/he's just a jerk, but that's pretty rare. Try to help smooth his or her ruffled feathers by being helpful and attentive, and keeping a compassionate attitude toward him or her, and a sense of humor about the whole thing.

5
Remember the old saying, the customer is always right? Well, that's not true, as anyone with any experience in a retail situation knows. The truth is that the customer is almost always lying. Once you realize that, you can handle most anything with a nice sense of humor and a cool and collected persona that will win over the most difficult situation. The trick is to make the customer believe that you are treating him as if he is actually in the right, at least partly. Usually situations where you will need this skill most is when you have a returned item. Rather than telling the truth, they frequently come in telling outlandish stories, and when you ask questions (just trying to figure out what went wrong), it shoots holes in their stories and they get defensive and begin getting angry, because they know they're about to get caught. Here are some examples: Customer: I need to return this book. My wife bought it for me, but I already have it. So I just want a refund. You: I'm sorry (point to the sign on your cash register) we don't give cash refunds, as our sign clearly states. I can give you store credit for the full amount. Customer: No, I don't want credit - I just want my money! You: Sir, I apologize if our policy wasn't clear to your wife, but... Customer: (angry) Look, you dummy, just give me my money and don't make a federal case out of it. You: (firmly) Sir, I'm sorry you're upset, but please do not call me names or raise your voice. I've stated our policy, you can take store credit for the item, or you may just go and swap it for anything else of equal value. If you swap for an item of lesser value, and the difference between the two is less than $5, I can give you cash for that difference. Customer: Look, there's nothing else I want, and I'm in a hurry. I have to get to a funeral / my kid's parent-teacher conference / go pick up my kid / whatever. You: (now you realize he's in a pressured situation - going to a funeral? No wonder he's edgy. Calm down, take a breath and speak calmly). I understand that you're in a rush, and I want to make you happy here, I really do. (recognize that maybe he needs cash to buy gas, a happy meal, or something) How about if I give you $5 cash and credit for the rest - would that help? It's really all I can offer you - I could lose my job if I do anything else, so I'm asking you to work with me here. Customer: (still irate but better) Mm. Well, I guess it's better than nothing. Okay. You: (write his credit slip and give him the $5) Thanks for helping me out. Have a better day and we'll see you next time.

The situation here is nearly defused when you refused to (A) be insulted, (B) be abused, and (C) recant your policies, while (A) remaining calm, (B) not joining in with the abusive manner and hurling insults back at him, and (C) offering a sensible compromise solution. It may not be ideal, but it does work, and your boss will probably congratulate you for handling this well. The key to the happy ending is that you make contact with your supervisor immediately and let him or her know what happened - say, "Hey, I hope this was all right. I was in a crunch and I made an executive decision - here's what happened." Here's a situation where the customer knows exactly how your store's program for a weekly purchase of merchandise runs. She is constantly trying to work you or your staff to get you to let her do things her way instead of your way. You have three customers in line behind her, and she's being difficult.

Customer: Why do I have to put money in? Can't I just shop off the shelves for my stuff? You: You don't have to. You could just put a credit card on file, that would work. Customer: Yeah, but what about identity theft? You: We're very secure. We handle credit card numbers on hundreds of customers just like you. Customer: No, I'd rather do cash. You: Great! Let's do it. How much did you want to deposit? Customer: None. Can you work with that? You: Of course. You can continue with your discount, but with no money in your account, I can't reserve your books for you. Customer: (super whiny now) Man - I'm a good customer and you're treating me like a stranger! You know I'm good for it! (the irony here is that she's probably not one of your big customers - but she probably feels like she's a big spender in your shop) Maybe I'll take my business someplace else. (all pissy now, and you're thinking "Good riddance.") You: (calm) Oh, I hope you won't do that, we'd miss you. And if you did, they would still not let you reserve your books without money or a credit card. We checked and our policy is actually the most lenient of everyone in the area. (smile - you are completely confident that even if she does go someplace else, she'll be back. And you're letting all the customers she is saying this in front of know that you have that confidence, too) Customer: Well maybe they would treat me nicer. You: Oh, now, (say her name if you know it) Jasmine... would they greet you like we do? Would they give you a piece of candy? (give her one - keep some little candies by the register for this exact purpose) Customer: I don't eat candy. (refuses the candy) You: (turn out your pockets comically) How about some... gum? No? A quarter? Ummm... Miscellaneous key? How about pocket lint - I have lots of that. Customer: (should be smiling at least a little now) Okay, I'll take the quarter. And I'll put $10 in my account, how's that. You: Good enough! Using humor and a self-deprecating manner, showing her that you are willing to reach into your personal pockets - not just offer her store stuff - and generally keeping a positive spin on

her upset will show, not only her, but your other customers in line, that you are willing to go the extra mile for her, and that her money is in good hands. People get weird about their money, they have to feel confident that you will handle it properly. Your ability to stay cool under pressure will help them feel you can handle anything - including their money.

6
Never forget that the customer often has a valid reason to complain, and that the original irritation may have been aggrevated by thirty minutes on hold with third-rate music. Assume the best and keep in mind that you, too, will occasionally be on the customer's end of a complaint: Do unto others..

Tips
Mind your manners. If you normally use incorrect grammar, try to correct it while around customers. Don't speak in slang or use sarcasm as humor with customers. Be careful if you need to correct customers! Do not volley insults. Make eye contact, but don't stare for more than one second. Smile when the job's done. If things get serious, or if the person makes more than one extremely offending remarks, or racist/sexual/religious jokes, tell the customer that sort of comment is not welcome in your establishment. If s/he will not stop making such comments, order him or her to leave. Tell your boss immediately.

Warnings
If you can't learn to handle difficult customers and just run tattling to your boss all the time, you may get fired. If you don't tell your boss first, the customer may tell your boss, and you could (once again) get fired.