One self esteem issue I am having is approaching and writing my final papers.

When I begin to write, I am faced with many difficulties. I become easily distracted, then I blame myself for being distracted. I start reading something, looking for quotes for example, then start thinking "What's the point, I suck anyway". Some of the heartfulness attitudes I could apply to help with this issue: 1) Patience. Realizing that figuring out how to overcome this will take a long time - but not getting frustrated. Recognizing that like a tomato growing, getting upset at how long it is taking is counterproductive. 2) Acceptance. Realizing that the part of me that is making these decisions difficult is quite strongly embedded in me. Accepting that I have them does not mean that they are stuck forever, nor does it mean passivity. It just means seeing them as they are, and from there, makes it possible to act on them. 3) Nonjudgement. I recognize that I am constantly judging myself as I write. Realize the "bounce, hit version". Do not judge the judging - thank the ordinary mind for trying to help me improve then calmly bring my mind back to writing, reading or taking notes. 4) Good humor. Recognizing that I am a funny person and we all do ridiculous things. Enjoy the process. Maintain a spark of good humor and playfulness.

DISTORTED THINKING All or nothing thinking: Holding yourself up to a perfect, or near-perfect standard. If you must judge, try judging performance only, not the core self. Labeling: You suck, You are stupid etc etc is saying that you are these things in EVERY situation. The antidote is to judge only the behavior. REmember that the core is too complex to be described by a simple label. Overgeneralizing: EVERYTIME I SCREW UP, EVERYTHING SUCKS. Antidode: some Emotional reasoning: Taking negative emotions, or feelings as fact. Remember that they are not, rather they are signals of upset. Challenging underlying thoughts is one way to approach them: Asking " What would 100 percent inadequate, worthless or bad be like?" Dwelling on the negative: Focusing on what goes wrong subsumes everything else, and makes it hard to see the positive. Realize that you can instead realize what is going

right. Rejecting the positive : Negating positive feedback. Ex: Someone says good job on x. Replying, oh it wasn't a big deal. Instead, saying thanks and think " I'm really glad that I was able o figure out what was required and do a good job." Making unfavorable comparisons: Comparing oneself to others. Ex as a garbageman compares himself to a doctor - who is more important for the nation's health? Realizing that the garbage man helps delay disease, keeps the streets clean etc etc. Seeing the bigger picture enables us to realize that each person has a different blend of strengths and weaknesses. Even experts (like Trudeau) struggles in certain areas. Catastrophizing: Taking something that is uncomfortable and determining that it is unbearable, devastating, intolerable and terrible. Thought: "This could be terrible, nothing could be worse". Replacement: "I don't like this, but I can indeed bear it") Personalizing: THinking you are more responsible than the facts indicate. --> Why might someone behave that way? Is it Possible that this really isn't about me? Blaming: Whereas personalizing puts too much blame on ourselves, blaming places too much responsibility on other people.

SCALE OF 1 to 10 - Different attributes, from completely lacking to completely developed Creativity: 7 Flexibility: 4 Wisdom: 7 Humor/cheefulness,playfulness: 6 Character (ethics, integrity, honesty, fairness): 3 Kindness, compassion: 5 Generosity: 4 Respect for self: 5

Respoect and consideration for others: 7 Patience: 4 Self-acceptance: 6 Openness, curiosity, awareness: 6 Self-trust: 6 Determination: 5 Discipline: 6 Courage: 5 Humility: 6 Gratitude: 8 The fact that I had no numbers at 0 (completely lacking) or 10 (completely developed), means that I am somewhere in the middle - like everyone, I have my flaws. Since everyone has the same intrinsic worth.

Journal: Friday January 13th.