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A way

to God
For Today
A Video Program with
Anthony de Mello, S.J.

Prayer Guide
CONTENTS

About this Program


1
Silence
2
Exercises for Silence
3
Peace 4
Exercises for Peace
5
Joy 6
Exercises for Joy
8
Life 9
Exercises for Life
10
Freedom
11
Exercises for Freedom
12
Love 13
Exercises for Love
14

ABOUT THIS PROGRAM

A Way to God for Today is a spiritual development program for adults


and upper high school students. In each of the six half-hour programs
Fr. Anthony de Mello describes important areas of spirituality. He
describes many spiritual exercises that will help your group make
progress in these areas.

Each program concludes with a description of an exercise that should


be done by everyone in your group immediately after the program. (For
your reference a description of this exercise has been printed at the

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beginning of each section in this guide.) Allow ten minutes for this
exercise. Following the exercise invite the members of your group to
share their experiences of the exercise if they wish to. All sharing
should be entirely voluntary; the participants should feel comfortable
not to share if they wish not to.

Because the group members may wish to share their reactions to the
ideas in the programs, included in these prayer guides are summaries
of the programs and discussion questions related to the content.

Also included in this guide are reproducibles that restate each exercise
described during the programs. Please make copies of each
reproducible and give a copy to each group member after the program
and prayer exercise. If you have time, allow the group members to do
an additional exercise from the reproducible following that discussion.

SILENCE

Summary

Anyone who wants to find God must pass through silence. The three
ways of gaining silence are (a) by understanding the limitations of our
words and ideas, (b) by truly looking, listening, and hearing without
preconceived images, ideas, or reactions, and (c) by meditatively
reading the Scriptures. Illustrations and examples of each of these are
given throughout the program.

Silence Exercise

Recall your favorite sentence of Jesus from the New Testament. Repeat
it to yourself. Imagine Jesus is standing in front of you and is
addressing those words to you. Don’t dwell too much on the meaning
of the words. Resist the temptation to react. Don’t say anything and
don’t respond in any way. Let the words reverberate in your heart and
resound in your being. When you cannot contain it anymore, respond
to Jesus. (Allow five to ten minutes for this exercise.)

Discussion Questions
1. Fr. de Mello said, “Any way to God has to be a way through
silence. If you ever come to union with God, you must pass
through silence.” Do you agree? Has Fr. de Mello interested you
in silence? Have you ever practiced silence in the past? If so,
how? How do Fr. de Mello’s ideas about silence differ from what

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you had previously thought of silence? How will you practice
silence differently as a result of this program?
2. To illustrate what silence is, Fr. de Mello told a story about a king
God is far beyond this and
who,far better than
wanting this."how to be united with God, visited a
to know
spiritual master. The master said the only way was through
silence. The king asked, “How is silence gained?” The master
responded, “By meditation.” The king asked, “What is
meditation?” The master responded, “Silence.” What do you
ensational. Just listen tothink
thoseissounds
the point
as ifof this
you arestory? What
hearing was
them for the master
the first timetrying tolife.
in your tell
the king?
3. Fr. de Mello said that to gain silence you must understand that
t dwell too much on theGod is farof
meaning beyond all your
the words. words
Resist and all your
the temptation thoughts.
to react. Don’tDo
sayyou
anything and don’t res
agree? If so, how should you come to know God? What are the
ur heart and they will deepen your silence.
limitations of wordsThey
andmay take on a meaning that is quite beyond the power of word
ideas?
4. As a child, what images did you have of God? How have those
images changed? What is your image of God now? Do you think
this image helps your spiritual growth? Why or why not?
5. In the Second Lateran Council (1139) it was said that any image
of God we have is more unlike God than like God. What do you
think this means?
6. How does Scripture help you to know God, even though it cannot
give you a picture of God?
7. Why is God indescribable?
8. Fr. de Mello said that the second thing you need in order to gain
silence is to look and listen. What was his point? How can you do
this? How do you need to look and listen differently than you do
now?
9. In the East they say, “God created the world. God dances the
world.” What do you think “God dances the world” means? How
might it be possible that we see the dance but not the dancer?
What is the difference? How are the dance and the dancer not
one thing and yet not two?

Hand out copies of the reproducible “Exercises for Silence.” (One copy
for each participant should already have been made.) Have the group
choose one additional exercise from the reproducible and have all the
participants do it as a group. The participants may then take the
reproducibles home with them as a resource for doing all the exercises
during the week.

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PEACE

Summary
Spiritual peace can be gained by (a) being aware of your body, (b)
slowing down, (c) doing one thing at a time, (d) having an attitude of
acceptance, and (e) developing a sense of perspective.

Body-Awareness Exercise
Close your eyes. Get in touch with your body. Get the feel of the
clothes on your shoulders. What do they feel like? Get the feel of the
clothes on your back. Get the feel of your thighs pressing against the
chair. Get the feel of your hands as they touch something or rest on
something. Get the feel of your feet touching your shoes or the floor.

Repeat the exercise five or six times and then open your eyes. If you
feel tension, get in touch with it. Become aware of its location and

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component parts and you will become relaxed. (Allow five to ten
minutes for this exercise.)

Discussion Questions
1. In this program Fr. de Mello talked about spiritual peace. Have
you experienced this kind of peace? If so, what were the
circumstances? How has this program changed your ideas about
peace? Do you think spiritual peace is important? Why or why
not? How do you spread peace?
2. Fr. de Mello remarked that the kind of peace he described may
not exclude fighting or conflict. How is this possible? What
example can you think of in which peace and conflict were both
present?
3. Fr. de Mello said the only thing peace excludes is a self-centered
attitude. Do you agree? Why or why not? How does selfishness
lead to the absence of peace?
4. What is the soft-heartedness described by Fr. de Mello? What
acts of soft-heartedness can you think of? Did these acts
promote peace? If so, how?
5. Can you say there is no rancor, no bitterness, and no hatred in
your life? If not, where are these present? How can you do away
with them?
6. Is there turmoil and conflict in your heart? Why? What can you do
to lessen them?
7. Did you do the body-awareness exercise as described in the
program? If so, did it make you feel relaxed? How?
8. Fr. de Mello asserted that his body-awareness exercise will help
you come home to yourself. What is your reaction to that? Will
you try it regularly? Do you think it can help you? Why or why
not?
9. Fr. de Mello said it is an extraordinary thing to come to the
present. Why is it extraordinary? Do you consider yourself
present in the way that Fr. de Mello described it? Explain, using
examples.
10.What is the value of slowing down? When is slowing down
necessarily opposed to speed?
11.What is the value of doing one thing at a time? Do you do one
thing at a time always, sometimes, or never? Explain.
12.How do you think the exercises in this book lead to union with
God?
13.The awareness exercises will give you an attitude of acceptance.
What was the last thing you peacefully accepted? Do you try to
fight the things you cannot change? If so, how? What is the effect
of this fighting?
14.Fr. de Mello said that the goal of the awareness exercises is to

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attain the attitude of acceptance and yet to be intensely
involved. Do you think you can achieve this attitude? To what
important things in your life would you like to apply this attitude?
your head and keep15.The
movingRisen
down Christ
slowly said,
until you reach
“Peace bethe tip you.”
with of yourWhat
toes,is
omitting no part of the surface of
the peace
that Jesus left with us? How will the exercises in this program
ur body as a whole, teeming with sensations.
help you gain that peace?
16.Which of the exercises described in this program did you find
most
o whatever awaits you in interesting? Which will you try on a regular basis? What do
the future.
you hope to gain from these exercises?

hings you are now most attached to. Say to yourself a few times slowly, "This too will pass away." Think of some

get in touch with your body. When you walk, be aware of the movement of your legs.

ou.

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JOY

Summary
The lack of joy among people today is partly due to wrong ideas and
wrong attitudes. The wrong ideas are (a) that joy can be found in
stimulants or intoxicants, (b) that joy is something that can be directly
sought, and (c) that joy can be found in externals. Wrong attitudes are
the attitudes of the sulking child and the clinging child. Exercises are
described that will help people get rid of wrong ideas and wrong
attitudes.

Joy Exercise (The Koan)


In a meditative environment ask yourself, “What would happen if I let
my clinging, negative emotions go? What would happen if I let go of
my guilt, my heartbreak, my jealousy, my resentment?” Stay with this
question as long as you can and see what you will discover. (Allow five
to ten minutes for this exercise.)

Discussion Questions
1. Is the topic of joy important for spiritual growth? What is joy? In
what things do you find the most joy? Could you be happy
without these things? Why or why not?
2. The Indian poet Kabir wrote, “I laughed when they told me the
fish in the water is thirsty.” What does this mean to you? How
does this relate to this program?
3. Fr. de Mello commented, “The whole of creation is shot through
with joy.” What do you think he meant by this statement?
4. Why, in your opinion, does humanity often have so little joy?
5. Fr. de Mello said that humanity is often without joy because of
wrong ideas and wrong attitudes. What ideas and attitudes cause
you to be without joy?
6. For true joy, Fr. de Mello asserted, you must get rid of the notion
that happiness comes from being on a high from outer
stimulation or intoxication. Have these ways of “having fun” ever
left you depressed? If so, recall an example. What do you think is
missing from these activities? Where does true joy come from?
7. In the program it was said, “The thing to get intoxicated on is life.
It’s a much quieter thing, but much more lasting.” How do you
get intoxicated on life? Have you ever had such an experience? If
so, what was it?
8. One of the wrong ideas described by Fr. de Mello during the
program was the idea that we can chase after happiness. How
has chasing after happiness disappointed you before?

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9. In the program Fr. de Mello asserted, “Happiness is the offshoot
of something else.” What is that something else? What have you
done that you realized later made you happy?
10.It has been said, “Happiness is really a memory. It is barely an
experience.” What does this mean to you? Do you agree with it?
If so, give examples. Do you think sadness might also really be a
memory?
11.Happiness is not found in externals. What external things do you
depend on now for happiness? What things do you wish for to
make you more happy? Has this program changed your ideas
about these things? If so, how? What is necessary internally for
happiness?
12.Fr. de Mello told several stories of prisoners who were in
miserable conditions and yet who were happy. Do you know of
other true stories that are similar? What are they? What do these
stories teach about joy and happiness?
13.What is the attitude of the sulking child? Examine yourself. Do
you have this attitude about something that is making you
unhappy? How can you get rid of this attitude? Will a sulking
child ever be satisfied?
14.What one thing would you ask for to make you always happy?
15.In a story told during this program God advises a man to ask to
be happy no matter what he gets in life. Do you think this is
possible for you? What comes in the way of your having this
grace?
16.What is the clinging child attitude? What are you clinging to?
What negative emotion are you unable to let go of? Explore the
possibility that you are unable because you are unwilling. What
can you discover about yourself?
17.“There is no sweeter prayer on earth than a grateful heart.” How
will the exercises described in this program lead you to a grateful
heart? Can you think of other similar exercises with the same
goal?
18.Do you consider the exercises described in this program to be
prayer exercises? Why or why not? What did Fr. de Mello have to
say about this?

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, my jealousy, my resentment?" Stay with this question as long as you can and see what you will discover.

sensational. Just listen to those sounds as if you are hearing them for the first time in your life.

all some of your life’s blessings.

sant event, consider the seeds for growth that it contains and be grateful.

at these loveliest things are. If you discover them, you will find gratitude and you will find abiding joy.

At each event say, "It was well. It was well." Think of some present things, things that are happening to you now

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LIFE

Summary
Being alive means (a) to be you, (b) to be now, and (c) to be here.
Many examples and two exercises toward being more alive are given
during the program.

Life Exercise
Think of an event in your recent past. Observe yourself reacting to this
event. How did you react emotionally? What convictions and attitudes
were part of your reaction? What inner voice were you responding to?
Was someone else reacting for you? Be a neutral observer. Do not
judge yourself. Just look. Take your time with this exercise. (Allow at
least ten minutes for this exercise.)

Discussion Questions
1. Why do so few people take the time to improve the spiritual
quality of their lives? What is the single most important thing you
can do to improve the quality of your life? What has this program
taught you about this?
2. What does it mean to say someone has died without ever having
lived? How can a person be neither dead nor alive? Do you think
you are one of these people? Why or why not?
3. Being alive means (a) to be you, (b) to be now, and (c) to be

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here. Explain what each of these means, using examples.
4. “In the measure that you are you, you are alive.” Explain this
statement and then briefly describe yourself.
5. Who might you be besides yourself? Are you subject to remote
control? Who has been the greatest influence on you in the past?
Who is the greatest influence on you now? Are these influences
on you good or bad?
6. Are you controlled by voices from the past? If so, whose voices
are they?
7. What do you think Jesus meant when he said you must hate
your mother and father? What did Fr. de Mello say about this?
8. How can you drop the mechanicalness in your life? What
technique for this most appealed to you in this program?
9. What did you think of the man who was described in the program
who said that when he was paralyzed he really began to live? If
you were paralyzed, do you think you could ever say this? Why or
why not? What does the paralyzed man have that allows him to
say that?
10.Do you have time? What do you spend your time on? How could
you make more time for yourself?
11.What does it mean to live only in the present? Are the past and
the future unreal? If so, in what ways are they unreal? How do
the past and the future separate us from the present? How does
this diminish one’s quality of life?
12.How many minutes a day do you spend in the past or in the
future? How much do you daydream about the past and the
future?
13.Buddha said that enlightenment consists in coming to the
present. How would you explain what he meant?
14.What does it mean to be here and to come to our senses? What
did Fr. de Mello mean by this?
15.During the program the story was told of an American soldier in
Korea who argued all during a Thanksgiving dinner. Later he
realized that he had hardly tasted the meal he had so looked
forward to eating. Can you think of a similar experience that you
have had? What is it?
16.Fr. de Mello said, “Ideas are not life. They are excellent to guide
us in life, but they are not life … Life is found in experience.” Do
you agree? Why or why not?
17.How can ideas be an obstacle to experience? Can you think of an
example of this from your own life?
18.There was a guru who said that as a result of enlightenment
when he eats he eats, when he looks he looks, and when he
hears he hears. Do you consider this point ironic? Do you think
he meant that everyone is enlightened? Why or why not? How

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would you have reacted to the guru?
nner voice were you responding to? Was someone else reacting for you? Be a neutral observer. Do not judge yo
19.Do you consider the exercises in this program to be a form of
prayer? Why or why not?
r senses. Bring yourself to the world of the senses and of experience.

FREEDOM

Summary
The chains that keep us from true freedom are bad experiences of the
past, good experiences of the past, fears and anxieties about the
future, ambitions for the future, clinging to present things, and
delusions about our own importance. Many exercises are described to
help people become free of these chains.

Freedom Exercise

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Meditatively imagine what existed one hundred years ago on the spot
where you are now. What existed there three thousand years ago?
What will exist there three thousand years from now? You will
experience a sense of vastness. You will gain a realization that except
in the eyes of God you are not really important. (Allow five to ten
minutes for this exercise.)

Discussion Questions
1. Is reflecting on the topic of freedom important for spiritual
growth? Why or why not? What is true freedom? When do you
feel the most and the least free?
2. In this program Fr. de Mello said, “The enemies to freedom are
not outside of us.” What did he mean? What is it inside you that
most restricts your freedom?
3. What bad experience in the past restricts your freedom? How
does it restrict your freedom? What can you do about it?
4. Do you agree that the good experiences of the past can limit
your freedom? Do you agree with Fr. de Mello that nostalgia is a
disease? Why or why not? How does nostalgia destroy the
present? How nostalgic are you? Do you compare past
experiences with the present?
5. Hindus say, “Water remains pure by flowing. The holy person
remains pure by going.” What application does that have for
you? How does this saying relate to the program?
6. Why should Christians not be anxious about the future? What are
you most anxious about?
7. What is good about ambition? When does ambition have bad
effects? How much is too much ambition? When does ambition
come to the point of controlling one’s life?
8. Why is the human heart so possessive of persons and things?
What are you most possessive of?
9. Do you agree with Fr. de Mello that except in the eyes of God you
do not really matter? Did this shock you? If so, why? In what
ways are you insignificant? In what ways do you think you are
most significant?
10.What is the “tyranny of the self” that Fr. de Mello spoke of? How
do you experience this?
11.How does a realistic view of your importance free you? How does
it give you perspective and vastness?

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king. I am not my thoughts." Become aware of your feelings or recall some feelings from the recent past. Turn y

ot be violent and do not force yourself. Do not allow yourself to become too immersed in the memory. If this doe

e." Then move to pleasant experiences you have had and personalize them. Repeat the same sequence as abo

most intimate to you, such as your reputation, or your health, or your life itself.

LOVE

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Summary
Love has two aspects: the aspect of creation and the aspect of
identification. Exercises are given that will help participants see the
good in others and in themselves. An additional exercise is given that
will help participants realize their oneness with other people.

Love Exercise
In a meditative environment think of someone you love. Imagine that
person is sitting in front of you. Talk to that person. Talk lovingly,
describing what that person means to you. As you do this, be in touch
with what you are feeling. (Allow five to ten minutes for this exercise.)

Discussion Questions
1. Why is love closely related to spiritual growth. Why is love so
incomprehensible? What is your understanding of love?
2. Fr. de Mello said, “Love is something that is so vast that it is
almost like God himself.” Explain what this statement means to
you.
3. What is meant by the aspect of love as creation? What did the
story of the eagle nad the chickens teach you about this aspect
of love?
4. How can you give those close to you the consciousness of who
they truly are? How can you give them wings?
5. Do you think there is such a thing as a bad boy or a bad girl?
Why or why not? How much do you think people are shaped by
those around them? What did the story about the “spurters”
teach you about this?
6. What was Father Flanagan’s secret with the kids at Boys Town?
How might you put his secret to use with someone you know?
7. Psychologists say people tend to become what they think they
are. Do you think this is true? If so, do you feel this is a spiritual
truth? Why? How can you think this for the good of others?
8. If Jesus returned to earth, what do you think would be the first
thing he would notice in humanity today?
9. Why do you think good people tend to see the good in others and
evil people tend to see the evil? Do people tend to see in others
a reflection of themselves? If so, why?
10.How can the exercises described in this program make you a
more loving person? Which of the exercises do you think will be
the most effective for you?
11.What are some examples in the Gospels that show Jesus seeing
the good in others? What was the effect of this on those people?

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12.How is the story of the princess and the frog really the story of
all of us? What person in your life has done the most for you by
o that person. Talk lovingly,
seeingdescribing
the good what that person
in you? means
Recall this to you.
story andAs you do
share it. this, be in touch with what yo
13.If Jesus came back to earth today and wanted to stay at your
house tonight, how would he treat you? What would he think of
f you. As you look at that person, try to see something good in him or her.
you? What good would he see in you?
14.What is love as identification? Who is the holy person? What are
the characteristics of the holy person?
15.How can you attain the kind of love that is the mark of the holy
Say what Jesus would sayperson?
to that person.
16.In what ways are you and those around you not two and yet not
one? What do you and those around you have in common? What
ities he sees in you. Don’t shirk thisyou
separates exercise. Jesus makes
from them? allowances
How are for defects
all Christians and
one in willbody
the see through them to y
of Christ?
17.What can you do to gain the aspect of love as identification?
out thinking about it. Don’t look for anything sensational. Just look and listen and touch with a quiet mind.
Why is this kind of love a grace? What can you do to prepare for
this grace?
18.If you had to describe God, using only verbs, what verbs would
you use?

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