Romantic Visions on SeniorNet

Embracing and Resisting Romantic Fantasies as the Rhetorical Vision on a SeniorNet Discussion Board
By Melissa Wood Alemn

A fantasy theme analysis of a SeniorNet discussion board found participants simultaneously embracing and resisting the relationships constructed in traditional romance narratives. The rhetorical vision that emerged illustrates how life-span conditions facilitate talk about romantic relationships. Three fantasies coalesced to construct the rhetorical vision good men are hard to find: the knight in shining armor, searching for a bargain, and fishing for men. Through these fantasies, the rhetorical community resisted female subordination found in traditional romance narratives while embracing the need for love, partnership, and physical intimacy. As the heroines in these fantasies, women were constructed as independent, vital, and fulfilled, yet wanting to find heterosexual partnerships. The heroes upheld this construction of woman, while the villains infringed upon females valued independence. In this way, narratives that evidenced the struggle over the meaning of romance were tools for the participants empowerment.

The study of narratives in diverse romance genres has shown both an adherence to and a rejection of patriarchal social orders in which women rely solely upon men for their happiness (Radway, 1984; Swan, 1999). Radway (1981), for example, asserted that, whereas popular romance genres conserve institutional relationships, they also evidence germinating change in cultural attitudes and beliefs (p. 161). Specifically, she recognized that scholars have seen the possibility of the romance narrative as at least mildly feminist . . . because [they provide] the reader with the opportunity to express anger at patriarchal domination and to identify with a woman who does not fully adhere to conventional sex-role stereotype (Radway, 1981, p. 143). Swan (1999) similarly argued that gothic romance such as Beauty and the Beast subverts traditional romantic narratives and functions as a therapeutic rhetoric for readers by prescribing a het-

Melissa W. Alemn (PhD, University of Iowa, 1999) is an associate professor in the School of Communication Studies at James Madison University. The author would like to thank Carlos G. Alemn and Anne Gabbard-Alley for their insightful comments on earlier drafts of this paper. An earlier version of this paper was presented at the annual conference of the National Communication Association in November 2004 in Miami Beach, FL. Copyright 2005 International Communication Association
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erosexual relationship in which partners share responsibility and transform selves. Romance narratives, therefore, can be sites for resisting hegemonic social relations. Analysis of romance narratives need not be restricted to literary and film genres researchers have examined narratives of romance in advice columns directed toward teenaged females (Garner, Sterk, & Adams, 1998). Romance advice topics such as The 12 Mistakes of Dating Again, Should You Get Married Again? Your 5-Point Action Plan for a New Romance, and Finding Love Later in Life appear remarkably similar to the headlines one might find in magazines targeted to young adult female audiences. Yet these headlines were found on the ThirdAge website, a space dedicated to older adults. The increasing presence of cyber communities such as the ThirdAge and SeniorNet underscores the need for scholars to direct their attention to the crafting of aging identities online. In both of these communities, webmasters and members alike are creating social dramas that adopt and adapt traditional romantic narratives. Communication on these sites proffers ideology that subverts the myth that older adults are nonsexual and uninterested in romantic relationships, as members celebrate and reject hegemonic gendered relationships through narratives of romance. My examination of the romantic discourses in one SeniorNet community reveals how female participants struggle with the application of romantic narratives and therefore adapt those narratives to make sense of their own interpersonal experiences. In their struggle, the valuing of heterosexual romance and loves remains a dominant force, yet their resistance to subordination is empowering. Given that cultural discourses for relationships are adopted and negotiated in face-to-face interactions, it follows that interactants would utilize cultural ideologies in online communities as well. Feminist scholars in particular have long been interested in how women co-opt romance narratives to make sense of their relationships (Wood, 2001) and to learn how to navigate relational terrain (Garner et al., 1998; Pierce, 1990). To be sure, all of these accounts indicate that women are educated in romance (Holland & Eisenhart, 1990). Although victim to debilitating myths of later life, older women have been largely ignored in the study of romance narratives. It is not surprising, however, to find that they, too, would participate in those romance narratives celebrated by their cohort. Yet older women are impacted by different life-span conditions that have broader implications for the use and appropriation of romantic heterosexual narratives. Understanding the narratives that older women construct in interactions would provide much insight into the relational experiences of older women. In particular, examining how those narratives or fantasies coalesce into a shared drama would elucidate the construction of a shared consciousness among the participants in an online community (Bormann, 1972). In a fantasy theme analysis of a discussion board in an online senior community, female participants constructed a rhetorical vision that both embraced and resisted traditional narratives of romance. Specifically, this article asks how the shared fantasies on a SeniorNet discussion board were used to manage the relational dilemmas of later life romance and to resist patriarchal discourses of romance.

Romantic Visions on SeniorNet

Discourses of Romance Romance narratives have demonstrated their polysemy in the various interpretations drawn from them. Some feminist scholars have argued that romance genres construct an ideology of love and relationships that reproduces hegemonic patriarchal social structures (Doyle, 1985), whereas others have interpreted romance genres for their potential to resist those very same structures (Radway, 1984; Swan, 1999). Indeed, readers of romance are not passive consumers, but instead engage in an active psychological process (Modelski, 1992, p. 42; Radford, 1992). Modelski (1992), for example, argued that romances to some extent inoculate against the major evils of sexist society (p. 28). Whether used by consumers as mechanisms for empowerment and resistance or as tools of oppression, romance narratives recommend and validate specific social orders (Hubbard, 1985, p. 114). In the following, I discuss the narrative structure of romance. In doing so, I argue that scholars must examine the ways individuals incorporate narratives of romance into their everyday talk about relationships. Like any cultural narrative, romance genres have seen some changes over time that reflect shifting ideas regarding relationships between men and women. Hubbard (1985) asserted that Harlequin novels in the early 1980s narrated more egalitarian relationships between men and women, whereas romance novels of the 1950s narrated male characters as dictators and female characters as obedient. Despite Hubbards analysis, others have described some relatively consistent characterizations of male and female characters and their relationships (Doyle, 1985; Modelski, 1992). Romance novels often define the ideal woman by not only the characterization of the heroine, but through the creation of the rejected woman as well. An ideal woman is demure, submissive, innocent, dependent, sexually submissive, and young (Doyle, 1985; Modelski, 1992). The rejected woman of romance novels is instead assertive, sexually aggressive, independent, and older (Doyle, 1985). The rejected woman does not need the male hero to sustain herself, but pursues the hero to satisfy her own sexual needs. Similarly, masculine identity is constructed through the characterization of both the hero and the villain. The villain in the romance formula at first appears to be a good man who is gentle, caring, and innocent, but is later revealed as evil in some form or another. The eventual hero and love interest of the heroine is, instead, rough, mocking, cynical, and aggressive. The hero is often abusive and controls the direction of the romantic relationship. Narrative plots instruct women that finding a husband is the pinnacle of their success as a woman, yet they simultaneously instruct that to pursue a potential husband is grounds for rejection. Romance novels, then, present a paradox for female readers. Modelski (1992) asserts that
The novels inevitably convey a contradictory message, which the reader cannot internalize without feeling manipulative; for we are repeatedly shown that although it is socially, economically, and aesthetically imperative that a woman get a husband and his money, she achieves these goals partly by not wanting them. For this to work in real life, pretense and hypocrisy must be practiced. (p. 35)

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In establishing this paradox, romance genres set into motion a vision of the ideal future for the readerthe happily-ever-after (Radford, 1992). This happily-everafter is sanctioned by love. Like romance, ideologies of love have been interpreted from oppositional perspectives. Firestone (1970), for example, rejected the ideologies of love for the problematic and oppressive social order created therein. Still others, however, have viewed love as potentially transformative and liberating discourse (Swan, 1999). Although the discourse of love has the potential to both oppress and transform, it is best understood through an examination of the ways that individuals incorporate it into their talk and ideas of romantic love. As Bachen and Illouz (1996) argued, it is important that scholars begin to address the intersections between media constructions of romance and the romantic imagination of cultural actors. Romantic imaginations are conceptualized by Bachen and Illouz as the cognitive prototypes of romance and love. Specifically, Bachen and Illouz (1996) demonstrated that children have a well-developed romantic imagination long before they actually engage in romantic encounters. Their life-spanspecific approach to examining the romantic imagination sheds insight on the intersections between an individuals social location and her appropriation of cultural ideologies. Further, it yields a call for the examination of the ways in which individuals romantic imaginations are life-spanspecific. That is, how do life-span influences impact the adaptation of cultural ideologies of romance?

Family Theme Analysis Symbolic convergence theory (SCT) offers a useful framework for exploring the ways in which discourse communities generate life-spanspecific conceptualizations of romance. SCT begins with the premise that humans are storytellers and use creative and imaginative languages to construct a reality for themselves and others (Bormann, 1972; Bormann, Cragan, & Shields, 2001). To engage in this narrative process, members of a group or community participate in the act of dramatizing. Dramatizing comments are rich in imaginative language and consist of the following: puns, word play, double entendres, figures of speech, analogies, anecdotes, allegories, parables, fables, jokes, gags, jests, quips, stories, tales, yarns, legends, and narratives (Bormann, Knutson, & Musolf, 1997, p. 255). When the dramatizing of an initial message is enhanced and continued by more than one member of the group, a group is participating in fantasy chaining. Examining the shared fantasy chains of a group is at the heart of fantasy theme analysis. Identifying the dramatizing messages of individual participants begins the process of fantasy theme analysis. If other members accept, extend, and collaborate in the continued dramatizing of that message, the critic can identify a fantasy chain (Bormann et al., 1997). Repeating fantasy chains coalesce and can be identified as fantasy themes. Fantasy themes are analyzed by examining the narrative elements of the drama, including the dramatis personae, the plot, the scene, and the sanctioning agent (Hubbard, 1985). The dramatis personae, or characters, are identified as the heroes/heroines and villains in the drama. The plot, or storyline, is a repeating series of unfolding actions or activities of the characters that pro8

Romantic Visions on SeniorNet

duce a particular moral order. The scene, or setting, is identified as the social and physical conditions or contexts in which the drama unfolds. Finally, the sanctioning agent is the mechanism that provides the reasoning or rationale for the actions of the characters, and thus the resultant moral order. The sanctioning agent, which is often a value system, ideal, or emotion, provides the persuasive force for acceptance of the social reality constructed in the fantasy chains. These narratives, or fantasies, that construct a drama for the conversational participants are at the heart of understanding the rhetorical visions of various communities. A rhetorical vision is a representation of the collective consciousness of the participants in the interaction and is a product of the communitys fantasies. Participants construct shared rhetorical visions as they repeat shared fantasy themes, or fantasy types. The rhetorical vision, best identified as the overarching analogy that holds the fantasies together, then, constitutes the communitys social reality. Those participants form a rhetorical community, a group who shares the same vision of their reality. Bormann (1972) argued that rhetorical visions can be interrogated to understand the social relationships, the motives, the qualitative impact of that symbolic world as though it were the substance of social reality for those people who participated in the vision (pp. 400401). These rhetorical visions thus become a persuasive force in the lives of those community members. When a social drama unfolds in a rhetorical community, the persuasive force of a rhetorical vision is tested. Victor Turners (1974) description of a social drama complemented the examination of rhetorical visions of a community and offered evidence of the persuasive force of a particular rhetorical vision. Turner asserted that social dramas occur when a community experiences a moment of liminality in which the moral order of the community is up for grabs or is threatened. A social drama unfolds as the communitys current moral order is breached or threatened. The breach of the moral order then leads to a crisis in which alliances between members of competing groups seek to redefine the communitys moral order. An escalating crisis is met with attempts by community members to redress the breach, calling for a resolution of the crisis. Finally, the community is reintegrated by accepting the new moral order, reaffirming the former moral order, or creating an alternative moral order from those competing perspectives. The emergence of a social drama in a rhetorical community and the reintegration of a rhetorical vision can provide evidence of the persuasive strength of the social reality constructed through the symbolic convergence of its members.

Meeting New People on SeniorNet: The Rhetorical Community SeniorNet is a nonprofit, online community serving senior citizens in many different countries. This website supports a wide variety of formats, including informative essays, real-time chat, and discussion groups. Different public discussion groups ranging from discussions on arthritis, to big, beautiful women, to geographic regions such as Virginia, construct varying rhetorical visions of older adulthood. A fantasy theme analysis of 560 archived posts from May 27, 1999, to July 28, 2001, on one public discussion board on SeniorNet, entitled Meeting New People,
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yielded valuable insights about a reality constructed in this community.1 The posts ranged in length from simple phrases to two-page, single-spaced stories and totaled 189 pages of posted discussion. The temporal continuity of the posts, identifiable group members, coherence, and conversation-like quality of the posts enabled an analysis of the jointly constructed social reality created on this board. This reality lent insight into understanding how older adults, and in this case mainly older women, construct a shared understanding of their relational lives. The discussion board Meeting New People was initiated by a widowed female interested in finding out how others on SeniorNet meet people. Her initial question and early posts framed the discussion board as a place to primarily learn how to meet individuals for romantic purposes. Specifically, the originator was interested in whether or not participants have used personal ads as a mechanism for meeting new people. This initial question prompted many different fantasy chains constructing a rhetorical vision that both embraced and resisted traditional romantic narratives while acknowledging the life-span conditions that constrain their fulfillment. Most of the conversations on this site were between individuals who presented themselves as women. Of the 560 posts analyzed, only 64 were from men and 49 of them were from the same poster.2 Sex categorization and, more importantly, gendered attributions were important analytical tools in examining how gendered identities were constructed in shared fantasies.

Embracing and Resisting Narratives of Romance: Good Men Are Hard to Find In embracing and resisting romantic narratives, participants on this discussion board expressed fantasy themes that, when grouped together, expressed the rhetorical vision: Good men are hard to find. In each of these fantasy themes men and male companionship were valued, while the difficulties associated with romantic relationships were highlighted. Like any good drama, this vision was made up of dramatis personae, plots, and sanctioning agents. Although the specific characters and settings changed in the fantasy themes, the nature of the heroine, hero, villains, relational plots, and sanctioning agents remained consistent, constructing a rhetorical vision that enabled participants to make sense of their life-span conditions and to resist hegemonic constructions of woman in romantic narratives. In chaining out various fantasies, participants on this discussion board constructed key character types that activated the rhetorical vision. These characters included heroines and heroes, as well as villains. The heroine is constructed as the
1

Although this discussion board continued after August 2001, the participants and topic of discussion, and thus the rhetorical vision, ceased after July 28. Therefore, this rhetorical analysis includes only archived posts and did not enable my interaction with the participants in this community. My claims regarding the rhetorical vision of this community are my interpretations of that vision based upon the shared dramatic elements of the archived posts. Verifying the authenticity of internet posts has been widely debated. However, in an analysis of the rhetorical vision of this community, the actual sex of the participant is less important than the gendered relationships constructed in their drama.
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independent, active, attractive (but not glamorous), and self-affirming older women. The heroine likes herself and is happy in her independent single life. She is able to come and go as she desires and enjoys the blessings that each day offers. Yet, there is something missing in this heroines life. Although she loves to go out and dance,3 she misses the companionship of a heterosexual partner. Whereas she is filled with the joy of her friends and family (and pets), she longs for someone to dance with. The absence of suitable partners leaves the heroine with questions:
I sometimes wonder what is wrong with me? I am attractive can put it together clothes and style wise. And definitely dont look my age. I have a young attitude about life and a busy person and on the move. I dont let any grass grow beneath my feet. They dont get a chance to find out that I am intelligent, great personality, well-traveled or any of that stuff because they dont even approach me.4 (Post #304)

As this post illustrates, the heroine regularly affirms her identity, but fails to understand why potential partners are not interested in her, but instead are interested in younger women. In the above post, like others, women are both accepting the ageist biases of romantic scripts (I dont look my age and have a young attitude), while resisting and condemning the attribution that they are no longer approachable (They dont get a chance to find out . . . because they dont even approach me). Villains cast in these fantasies foster relationships with the heroines online and over the telephone and then lose interest when they meet face to face. Wanting a younger woman, the villains reject the heroine during that first meeting and slowly wane from their former vigorous email exchanges. Villains are cast as only interested in sex: Old geezers dont waste anytime getting to the point do they? (Post #10) or I think men want a relationship for sex (Post #64). Villains are two-faced, fast talking, and controlling. They limit the independence of the heroine and infringe on her active lifestyle. According to the fantasies chained on this discussion board, most available older men are cast as villains. On the contrary, heroes are rare, hard to find, and treasured. The hero in this drama is a gentleman. He may have a somewhat hard exterior shell, but that shell is constructed only to protect him from past pain and suffering. The hero sees the heroine for all her inner and physical beauty, relishes her independence, and offers her a chance at real love and happiness. Both the villain and the hero constructed in these fantasies offer resistance to the formulaic characterizations in romance genres. The villains, in particular, embody the mocking and cynical characteristics of the heroes of romance novels and continue to favor the youthful biases of romantic cultural ideologies.
3

The term dance is being used both literally and metaphorically here. Posters often contextualized their desires for heterosexual companionship through stories about dances. In this way, posters literally do yearn for a dance partner. Metaphorically, they are looking for someone that they interact with in synchrony. All posts cited as evidence in this paper are transcribed as they appeared with grammatical and spelling errors intact.
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These characters were revealed through the knight in shining armor, searching for a bargain, and fishing fantasy themes that construct a rhetorical vision that both embraced and resisted cultural romance narratives. The relational plots that unraveled outlined the heroines quest for a suitable love interest as she faced the obstacles of ageist ideas of beauty, sex-crazed geezers, and controlling villains. Although the plots were often left unfinished, the community members asserted the valuing of romantic relationships as the dominant narrative that motivated participants to act. In these cases, love and the belief in the power of romantic love acted as the sanctioning agent for this rhetorical vision. This sanctioning agent embraces and is consistent with traditional romance genres. Hubbard (1985), for example, found that love was the sanctioning agent across 4 decades of Harlequin romance novels. She argued that the ultimate promise is sexual and affectional fulfillment in a permanent relationship resulting in happiness-everafter, even though such a promise is incompatible with the facts of human existence (p. 122). This valuing for the ultimate fulfillment through love is clearly present in the narrative motives of members of this SeniorNet community; good men may be hard to find, but these participants wanted to find them. This valuing was held in contrast to the life-span conditions that disabled the realization of their ideal constructions. Knight in Shining Armor Fantasy The knight in shining armor fantasy was prompted early in the discussion and emerged as a fantasy theme as participants enlisted the symbolic cue knight to point to the shared fantasy. Interestingly, this fantasy theme was creatively used by the participants to renegotiate the demands of the traditional gendered narrative in which a damsel in distress is saved by the perfect man. In particular, participants used this fantasy theme to point to their shared desire to participate in the script while constructing this script as unrealistic and undesirablea constraint to their independence as older single women. The first knight in shining armor fantasy chain started with the expression of one individuals romantic beliefs that a knight in shining armor would come and sweep her off her feet.
Dancingfeet5 The trouble with me is that I am a romantic. I guess I am still waiting for a knight in shining armour to ride by and rescue me. Reading your experiences though is helping me to wake up and smell the coffee. (Post #47) Dotti Sally Dancingfeet, just remember that when that knight comes along on his horse, someone has to clean up after the horse. (Post #48) Youre right Dotti . . . and you can bet your life it wont be the knight! There was a time when I thought I would find that knight. Women of our generation were led to believe that was possible. Oh, Im sure there are a few women out there who have found that perfect someone, but I never did. I finally stopped looking. (Post #49)

When posts are presented consecutively in dialogue form and when screen names appear within the posts, posters were give pseudo-screen names. When individual posts are cited, screen names were
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Marie

SALLY, as you say, those knights in shining armor dont come around very often. (Post #50)

This fantasy theme was cued by terms such as knight, prince, princess, queen, and king. Each of these terms was used as a mechanism to point to the fantasy in its entirety without recreating it, thus creating a fantasy type. Interestingly, after Dancingfeet (of post #47) had several relationships with different men (constructed as villains) and discussed them on this site, she appeared to reach the logical conclusion of this fantasy type for an older woman: She met her knight (of whom her children approve), decided to retire (and devote her remaining time to him), and lived happily ever after (Dancingfeet stopped posting after she retired). In the following, one of her final posts, she described a man with whom she is developing a relationship:
Dancingfeet About four months ago I met a very nice gentleman whom I have been seeing on a regular basis. He is a retired school teacher and treats me like I was a princess. I must confess that I am really taken with him . . . I dont know how long or if this relationship will last but I am sure hoping it lasts forever. He is starting to talk seriously about our future and my heart says yes, yes but my head says wait, wait, go slowly, get to know him a little longer.. . . Maybe I am the one who is dreaming. If so, I hope I never wake up. (Post #402) Camping Eve Well Dancingfeet I am very happy for you. Is not often a prince of a fellow comes along. Sounds like you both have the best for each of you. Almost 6 years ago I met a nice man and he treated me like a Queen. Unfortunately I had to move a couple of states away from him . . . . It really is neat when someone comes into your life like that. (Post #403)

In this exchange, posters call up the knight in shining armor fantasy with the symbolic cues princess, prince, and queen. Both posters reinforce the vision that good men are hard to find through the metaphor of dreaming and the explicit statements that it is not often a prince of a fellow comes along. In calling up this stock scenario, they have embraced the ultimate fulfillment of love that enables them to live happily ever after. The sanctioning agent of love in this script reestablishes heterosexual romantic love at the center of both partners ultimate successes. Yet, to achieve this success, the partners embody the revised characteristics of the heroine and hero. In this instance, the hero is warm and caring, not cynical and mocking. Unlike the heroine of the past, this heroine is resistant to a serious commitment (my head says wait, wait, go slowly) that potentially threatens her independence. For example, in earlier posts detailing the (mis)adventures of a failed date, this same poster had set the scene for asserting the importance of her independence:

not used as demarcations of the posts. Although this is a site accessible to the public, often screen names appeared to be the actual names of participants. This posed some ethical concerns despite participants decisions to participate in a public, archived forum.
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I dont like people telling me what to do . . . I felt a little sad because I really like him A LOT but my common sense told me to run FAST . . . You know something, as lonely as I am, I would rather spend the rest of my life going to the movies alone, going to dances alone, and coming home to read a good book, rather than being dominated by someone and being miserable. (Post #269)

Her later post (#403), then, can be read in the context of this post and many more that assert the importance of independence over the potential constraints of a romantic partner. Like this exemplar, the narratives of knights in shining armor are resistant to constructions of dominant masculinity and submissive femininity. Contrast these SeniorNet posts to constructions of masculine dominance and the resultant feminine submissiveness in Doyles (1985) analysis of Barbara Cartland novels. In Cartlands The Taming of Lady Lorinda, the heroines selflessness is illustrated in the following excerpt:
[S]he had known that she was necessary to him, and as she nursed him, waited on him, and anticipated his every wish, she knew that she had never been so happy. (Cartland, 1977, p. 139, as cited in Doyle, 1985, p. 32)

Although the heroine in the SeniorNet posts does not define herself wholly by making herself available to himin fact that dependence is repulsive to the heroinethe hero in this SeniorNet narrative is still guiding the direction of that relationship (He is starting to talk seriously about our future). The knight in shining armor fantasy type, therefore, still functions to reinforce traditional gendered narratives in which women rely upon men for their ultimate happiness ever after. The women on this discussion board resisted this narrative, however, by altering the story to reconcile the notion that men do not always make life easier, while acknowledging their desire for a knight. In doing so, they incorporated the sanctioning agent of love, while rejecting the traditional characterizations of the male and female. In particular, this fantasy theme contributes to the broader rhetorical vision of the community that good men are hard to find. This vision is supported by other fantasy themes that emerged on this discussion board. Searching for a Bargain Fantasy A second fantasy chain occurred when several posters analogized looking for male companionship as bargain shopping. In the following instance, posters are playfully dramatizing the scene of this fantasy in their discussion of meeting people on the internet and at singles luncheons. These posters compare the difficulty of finding a good man with the difficulty of finding a good bargain while shopping:
Marie I guess its like going to a bargain basement (like Filenes in Boston). I used to go there regularly, not expecting to find a bargain as a rule, but going there just in case it might be that rare case when I found something worthwhile. (Post #44)

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Sally

And . . . you never know where or when the bargain may turn up. Keep looking, and I will too. Just remember, there arent many really good bargains. (Post #45)

The searching for a bargain fantasy often was concluded with participants stating that good men are hard to find, indicating that they are searching for a man. In these instances, participants enlisted the struggle to find a good bargain, a man who fits their needs and desires but comes without a lot of problems. This fantasy was enlisted as participants swapped horror stories of blind dates, personal ads, and bad relationships. In these bargain basement fantasies, the villains are cast opposite of the heroines, often controlling them (He was too possessive and I couldnt take it, Post #281). In each of these cases, participants expressed their belief that there are good men out there, but they are difficult to find. In this fantasy good men are cast as the heroes, bargains, or treasures hidden beneath a pile of villains. The relational plot unfolded as the heroine actively sought male companionship by answering personal advertisements and attending singles dances and luncheons designed to promote the initiation of romantic relationships. Posters narrated the difficulties of uncovering good men (from the bad):
It is a bit disheartening when it comes to the prospects of finding good men, isnt it? The most amazing thing to me is the way men always want somebody to be younger than they are (and usually can get away with it, too.) I keep wondering what is wrong with somebody who cant handle a woman his own age. (Post #71)

In these narratives participants directly confronted ageist narratives of beauty while accepting them (I look young for my age). Catching Fish Fantasy Similar to the searching for a bargain fantasy, men in this fantasy theme are also cast as something to be found or caught. To be sure, the symbolic cue catch is not new to romantic fantasies. This cue, however, was co-opted by participants in this discussion. In these instances, women are the fishers of men; men are the catch: Congrats on your successful catch (Post #106). Yet posters are wary of the catches of other women and often suggest that they proceed with caution to avoid getting hurt: Sounds like you caught more than a fish. I think the best way to proceed in any situation is to rely on your instincts and your instincts seem to be saying No (Post #107). As the women fish for men, as implied in post #107, they often get more than a companion with their catch. As in the searching-for-bargains fantasy, villains are cast as the old tires and shoes that may get caught on the fishing line. Yet, the women continue to throw out their lines and wait for a good man to come along. Unlike the bargain basement shoppers who are looking for a man, this fantasy expresses a diligent waiting: I still say ALL the good ones are taken . . . or at least the ones who have been well trained as companions and partners as well as lovers. . . . So much for LOOKING. Ill watch. :-} (Post #219). As this post suggests, the hero of this fantasy comes prepared and trained as a successful companion.
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This fantasy is distinguished from the searching for a bargain fantasy in two ways. First, it narrates a diligent waiting. That is, posters indicate that they will go about their daily lives hoping to catch a companion in the process. In this sense, posters communicate a sense of contentment with their independence, their friendships with other women, and their active lifestyles. Simultaneously, however, they note a valuing of heterosexual companionship. Second, the relational plot unfolds as participants narrate their frustration that all the good ones have been taken. Metaphorically, there are few acceptable fish left; the sea is filled with women and already taken men. This is indicated as the women tell stories of attending activities where singles are not welcome because everyone is already coupled or there are few men in attendance. Whether waiting or looking for a man, through the struggle to resist a romantic narrative expressed in each fantasy, the patriarchal ideals of traditional gendered relationships remain a favored and privileged status. The creative resistance of these ideals, however, fostered empowerment.

A Social Drama as Evidence of the Rhetorical Vision As discussed earlier, the processes and outcomes of what Turner (1974) called a social drama can serve to reinforce the community norms and the rhetorical vision therein, as it does in this discussion group. Interestingly, the role of the mens posts was particularly significant in cementing the rhetorical vision of resistance for this community. For example, early in the discussion (Post #188), a new male participant posted a response to a female participants question:
IMHOIf the sensitive, caring male that many of you are looking for came in and read the posts here he would probably run for the hills. What I see here is two different types, a parasite that wants to derive life from some man and a predator with claws extended. Neither will attract any man. The best advice I can give to anyone who is singleLearn to live by yourself and be happy. To do this you have to really like yourself. No ego trip, just like the person you are. That in itself will make you attractive to those like you. (Post #188)

This post is the beginning of a social drama. In the above flame, there was a breach of not only the norms of politeness that had been constructed in earlier posts, but more importantly of the construction of woman and relationship. This post questioned the validity of the rhetorical vision that was being constructed. The breach was indicated by the responses labeling his statement as mean-spirited. In particular, the breach instructs the community, women in particular, that they should not be out looking for a man. His attribution of female pursuit is consistent with the constructions of the paradox created in the romance genre, that is, woman should not pursue men. Analyses of romantic narratives have indicated that, whereas women are instructed to seek a husband, the seeking process should be invisible to others. To aggressively seek out a husband or male companion is considered the female characters greatest fault (Modelski, 1992, p. 33).
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This breach closely parallels the construction of the rejected woman in Barbara Cartland novels (Doyle, 1985). In Cartlands The Blue Eyed Witch (1976), the hero is horrified by the thought of marrying the assertive and tenacious female character:
But as he spoke he thought with a kind of horror of Lady Bramptons possessive hands fastening themselves claw-like around his back. He never imagined a woman should be so persistent about what he was determined should be unobtainable. (Cartland, 1976, p. 11, as cited in Doyle, 1985, p. 33)

In this breach of the communitys rhetorical vision, the poster instructs participants to accept the traditional values demonstrated in romance genres: Women who are assertive and demonstrate romantic initiative are unattractive. His metaphorical use of a parasite and a predator are particularly powerful tools for drawing up images of the rejected older woman of romance narratives. During the crisis that ensues after this breach, community members resist this construction of woman, and therefore resist this script for romance. This breach led to a mounting crisis, or escalation of crisis, in which participants responded to this breach, took sides, and responded antagonistically to the oppositional realities proffered. In particular, participants responded by providing accounts that highlighted their independence and the absence of a need for a man. That is, participants asserted that they are quite happy living alone; their desire for male companionship does not negate that fact. In order to quickly redress the breach and the resultant social divisions, subsequent posts included calls for apologies, to cool it, and to question what happened here? This led the person who posted the breach and one of the female participants to adamantly claim that they would never post on this discussion board again. The original rhetorical vision was upheld as the remaining parties reintegrated and reaffirmed the tone and valuing of independent and assertive women and the resistant romantic ideologies. Particularly important to this reintegration was a post by another regular male participant:
Well, I just got here today and find I missed a free-for-all. Probably a good thing. I think Jonn missed the essence of most of the posts here and may have been trying to be helpful. If there has been any generalized male-bashing going on here, I have missed getting hit and havent noticed. There is one good thing that has been stated which may have some truth in itthe idea that the good men are taken. (Post #203)

This post acknowledges the reintegration of this social drama and reinforces the rhetorical vision that good men are hard to find. The persuasive force of this rhetorical vision is indicated by the convergence of members through repeated fantasies and the reintegration of the rhetorical vision through this social drama. By asserting good men are hard to find, this rhetorical vision constructs an independent older woman who asserts her desires for companionship and acts on those desires.
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Empowerment Through Narrative Resistance Wood (2001) argued that when confronted with experiences that are incongruent with culturally favored narratives, women search out a way to narrate themselves and their experiences (p. 243). In doing so, women may find the inconsistencies in culturally accepted narratives and use them to account for their own incoherent relationships, or they may construct alternative narratives. In the struggle between resisting and embracing romance on this discussion board, romantic ideals remained despite the seeming incoherence of the narrative. Through the rhetorical vision, female posters are hopeful that they will find romance, fulfilling their needs for love and companionship. Yet they resist and question the hegemony of traditional narratives as they create an alternative romantic vision. Symbolic convergence theory offers a useful framework for describing participants playful revision of traditional romance narratives. Through imaginative storytelling practices participants dramatized a story of the older womans quest for romance. Although romantic relationships themselves were privileged in the posts, the hardships that participants associated with romance and dating, the valuing of independence, and the absence of good men were central to the fantasies. The rhetorical vision good-men-are-hard-to-find proffered a romantic world that resisted control by men through a valuing of independence and equality. Given an aging cohort socialized by narratives in which the male heroes are dictators and subduers (Hubbard, 1985), the revised romantic vision constructed by this SeniorNet community suggests the creative manner in which members are able to resist and reconstruct their guiding relational narratives. The rhetorical vision offers an alternative to the dominant romance narratives while working within the heteronormative framework. To be sure, heteronormativity in itself is an oppressive ideological framework from which to conceptualize romantic relationships. Yet, although the women on this discussion board construct a heterosexual norm, they reject the asymmetrical relationships and male dominance implied in that normative framework. Mikhail Bakhtin (Bakhtin & Medvedev, 1928/1984) argued that ideology is inherently dialectical. Specifically, he argued that the ideological environment is constantly in the active dialectical process of generation. Contradictions are always present, constantly being overcome and reborn (p. 127). Much as literature is an ideological form (Bakhtin & Medvedev, 1928/1984), the narratives found in interpersonal discourses can also reveal and refract ideology. Narratives, then, expose both the centripetal forces toward unification and centralization and centrifugal forces toward disunification and decentralization (Bakhtin, 1981/1984). It is through the tension between the centripetal force of dominance and the centrifugal force of resistance that a changing social consciousness emerged in this community. The women on this SeniorNet discussion board were not desperate for a man; they would not settle for the villains they constructed. Instead, the construction of villains served as an outlet for building a social consciousness that women are deserving of love, compassion, and true partnerships. Men who attempted to control them infringed upon their enjoyed independence and were used in narrat18

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ing a shared drama that valued a single life over a life with a villain. The villains, then, functioned to instantiate the importance of female independence, countering the hegemonic narratives that construct stories of women who succumb to the male antagonist regardless of his demands upon her (e.g., Doyle, 1985). These resistant messages were acting in dialectical concert with dominant messages embracing love and heterosexuality. Yet even the dominant sanctioning agent love (or hope thereof) signified both dominance and resistance. Love served as both a marker of happiness and achievement and as a mechanism for weeding out bad relationships, rejecting traditional constructions of masculinity and femininity. Although other studies have demonstrated that romance narratives are polysemous, open to preferred, negotiated, and oppositional readings (e.g., Radway, 1984; Swan, 1999), this examination reveals that the multiple meanings present in the narrative work in concert. That is, the coherence of the fantasies rests on both dominance of and resistance to heteronormativity. The rhetorical vision of the participants both embraced dominant valuing for love and heterosexuality and simultaneously offered resistance to the dependence on men often contained therein. The simultaneity of embracement and resistance as central to the rhetorical vision good men are hard to find thus demonstrates the power of fantasy theme analysis for revealing romantic ideology that is dialectical. Finally, the rhetorical vision constructed by this community points to female desire for heterosexual companionship but ambivalence for romantic relationships. Clearly, older adults desire affection, touch, and sexual interactions. Further, the companionship found in romantic relationships in later life has been associated with many positive health outcomes (Pienta, Hayward, & Jenkins, 2000). Research suggests that spousal support and long-term marriages offer important psychological and physical benefits to aging individuals (Ducharme, 1994). Hodson and Skeen (1994) asserted that sexual expression may alleviate stressors associated with aging. Dating, too, can serve as an outlet for sexual expression and hedge against loneliness for older adults (Bulcroft & Bulcroft, 1991, p. 248). Yet, as we see on this discussion board, the constraints to romantic relationships for older women are complex and varied. As the rhetorical vision illustrates, for heterosexual older women, good men are hard to find. Older women are uniquely constrained by cultural valuing of feminine beauty associated with youth. For example, Deutsch, Zalenski, and Clark (1986) found that ratings of femininity and attractiveness of women declined with age. For older women, the villains on this discussion board symbolize the cultural valuing of women as decorative objects that reinforce ageist standards of beauty that render older women unattractive. In rejecting the villains, the participants on this discussion board are rejecting standards of womanhood and relationship that constrain their human potential. This rejection came at a cost for many of the women on the discussion board who held out hope for love, but had yet to find it. Therefore, participants on this SeniorNet discussion board privileged the hope for love over the subordinate role of the woman of traditional romantic ideologies. To be saved by the hero is to have the opportunity for partnership, love, and physical intimacy while maintaining valued independence. In open discus19

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sions of dating and romantic relationships, participants constructed older adulthood as vital, sexual, and active. Through their resistance to the expectations for romance, this community constructed a shared reality that supported female independence and simultaneously recognized their own physical and emotional needs as well. In this sense, the rhetorical vision was empowering.

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