Communication Differences between Males and Females Dounia Lahbabi Mourad Hani Birrou Zineb Chraibi Radia SSK

1202 - Critical Reading and Problem Solving Dr, Barbara Huff

December 8, 2006

1 Abstract ......................................................................................................................................2 Introduction................................................................................................................................3 Literature review............................................................................................................................. 4 Subjects ........................................................................................................................................... 9 Data Gathering Tools...................................................................................................................... 9 Results........................................................................................................................................... 11 Discussion and conclusion.......................................................................................................20 References................................................................................................................................27 Appendix: A.............................................................................................................................28 Appendix: B .............................................................................................................................31

2 Abstract The aim of the research paper is to check whether the teams assumptions about gender differences in communication are verified or not through the answers obtained from a survey and an interview. The survey was randomly distributed to AUI community, including students and staff, and the interview was done with two experts in the domain of communication: Doctor Mobashiri and Doctor Paquin. The teams research questions were: what are the causes of gender differences in communication? How do they manifest themselves? What are the consequences of it and what is the best way to remedy the misunderstandings genders face? The team had some assumptions from the beginning of which some were verified and some were rejected. The main results showed that differences in communication between males and females actually exist, that there are some biological, some cultural and other educational reasons that lead both genders to be different, and that even if people think of having possible solutions for the misunderstandings they have with the other sex, they do not really apply them in the reality.

Introduction Communication is a way of interaction, sending and receiving messages or information through signals such as verbal and non verbal ones (eye contact, voice tone, and gestures). It is also a way of exchanging thoughts, feeling, and emotions. In addition, communication is part of the every day life since it is a reality that every man and woman face without really being aware of it. What is so strange about communication is that it is not the words that have a meaning but people. Each person has his or her own way to interpret things; ones understanding can go from 0 to 100% and people end up understanding what it has been actually said. However, there is a difference in communication between genders which may lead sometimes to misunderstandings. In fact, men and women do not communicate in the same way because they interpret the same message differently, and thats what strikes ones attention concerning communication. Communication differences touch every man and woman all over the world including students, staff, and faculty of Al Akhawayn University (AUI), especially as the people of AUI come from different cultures, traditions, and have different backgrounds, which contributes to enrich this research. This study was important because the problem of misunderstanding between genders is a common one and that it happens to every one. All human beings are involved in relationships since it takes major part of life especially that communication is inescapable and people interact with each other because they are part of a society where it is impossible to not communicate. That is why it is important to first be aware of the differences of communication between males and females, and then try to understand them in order to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. This study could help us solve our personal problems with the opposite sex, and probably accept the differences, and learn how to appreciate them to live better.

4 The purpose of the study was to reveal the causes of the problem of miscommunication between genders which may help people understand and know themselves better as well as the consequences of the gap that exist between people of the different sex. This may contribute to establishing a better understanding and acceptance of the differences of the others. Communication styles depend mostly on peoples physiological and biological differences. Concerning the physiological side, men and women react differently to the same situation such as stressors especially conflict. Concerning the biological side, there is a difference in the size of the part of the brain between the right and the left hemispheres which is called the collosum, and women can use both sides of the brain at the same time, and that is why they can be logical even when emotional. Nevertheless, men have a tendency to use only one hemisphere at a time, for either logical or emotional. (Communication styles, Lathrop, n.d.) The team assumptions are: The communication differences between genders actually exist, and it should be considered as an issue because it creates misunderstandings. The team assumed also that the differences in communication affect more women than men in their every day life and that women are more concerned and aware of this issue. This research project looked at three main questions: first, why is there a communication difference between men and women? How do communication differences between men and women manifest itself? And what are the consequences of it? Literature review The different sources that the team used in the literature review presented different points of view and analysis for the subjects by reliable writers and authorities in this issue. All the documents that were used assume that there was a difference in communication between men and women, and they agreed that there were many misunderstandings or misinterpretations in

5 communication between genders. However, each document and source presented its own examination of the miscommunication, and they proposed different ways by which to investigate this social issue. According to an article entitled Online Communication (2001), there is another form of differences between genders. Communication can be verbal, non verbal, or written because people can communicate also using the mail system. Because people can communicate using the mail system, the written way is added to the interpersonal communication in addition of course to the verbal and non verbal ways. From reading this article, it was clear that gender differences in communication existed also in the written way because we can determine the gender of a person just by reading its written words. The differences that exist between genders and the reason why women cant be more like a man play an important role in the creation of misunderstanding in communication. Also differences present the essential causes that lead to a disagreement in communication between the two genders. According to Schrage (1999), there are some factors that contribute to the instinctive differences that exist between genders; for instance as mentioned on the article, there are biological ones, also there is a kind of competitiveness that exists between men and women. In addition, the cultural part enters also into consideration. Another point stated by Hall (2002) is that there are many styles of communication. These styles are the result of many factors where we're from, how and where we were brought up, our educational background, our age, and it also can depend on our gender (p. 87). In communication, generally men and women have special manners and styles of speaking also a specific subject, Coates (1986, p 23).

6 Many studies have been done to clarify the difference in communication between men and women. According to Canaray and Dindia (2006): Researchers typically report that men are more likely to emerge as leaders, to be directive and hierarchical, to dominate in groups by talking more and interrupting more. In contrast, women are found to be more expressive, supportive, facilitative, egalitarian, and cooperative than men, and to focus more on relationships and share more personally with others (Aries, 1987, 1996, p. 121). From this description of the difference between men and women at a level of behaviours, it was clear that women convey their ideas and feelings and cooperate more than men who want to be the leaders and to direct. In addition, the difference between genders in communication causes misunderstanding and leads to conflicts. For example, women might disclose their feelings and the problems that they are facing, but men think that women need help, so they start giving advice and trying to help. However, women behave like that in order to get closer to others not to get solutions (Gray, 1992, p 96). Another important point argued in the research of Tanner (2002) is the reason why difference exists in communication between genders. It is said that these differences should not exist because men and women might belong to the same environment as being neighbours or brothers and sisters, yet the difference is present even if they have a similar background. The dissimilarity rises from the games that boys and girls play since their childhood, and the groups they form. For example, boys form a big group and one is the leader; however, girls tend to form small groups and they disclose their feeling and their opinions (Tanner, 2002).

7 Torppa claims that women and men sometimes perceive the same messages to have different meanings (2002, n.d., p112). That is due to the difference in the way of interpreting messages by the two genders. In fact, women are more likely to depend on others. In other words, women want to establish an emotional and passionate interdependence with men. Moreover, women try to satisfy the others as much as possible to make everyone satisfied, merry and happy whereas men more often stick to their independence and try to keep it intact whatever the situation may be. Besides, the spirit of competition inside them let these ones think of themselves more than any other one. Nevertheless, the misunderstandings between these two genders are mostly due to a difference in the way each one expresses oneself. Many examples of the normal life analysed by Torppa revealed that misunderstandings can be caused by a distortion in the manner people want to manifest their emotions and feelings to the other sex: women tend more to use words while men prefer generally to show them with acts. The possible way for coping with miscommunication is to try to be aware of the differences that exist with the other sex as well as to figure out what is the point of view or the angle from which the other sees the situation. As what was said before, the difference of communication between men and women can trigger some misunderstandings, and in order to overcome this problem men and women should deal with each other as if they are from different cultures. They should not misinterpret words and body language, and try to understand what the other wants to convey. Moreover, they have to clarify and make sure that they understand the other by asking questions and doing perception checking (Lathrop, 2006). Design In this research project the team used both qualitative and quantitative methods to look at

8 the topic of gender differences in communication and answer the research questions. Since the topic is related to humanities and social sciences, the team used the qualitative method that included study of documents, passive observation, and interviews. The quantitative method was useful to convert the information collected into a numerical form and percentages. In this method, the team usually used experiments and surveys which helped to reduce the data collected to a numerical form and made the research paper clearer and complete. The study was descriptive since it gave an idea about the differences that exist between men and women in communication. It also showed in what way the two genders communicate and interpret messages differently and illustrated these differences through concrete examples from the everyday life. The design was also explanatory because the team was also looking for the reasons why there is a communication difference between men and women as well as the consequences of it. Two data gathering tools were used: interviews and surveys. The survey was very useful in the research because it showed peoples opinions in order to check if they supported the assumptions that the team made. Moreover, the survey helped to analyze data using statistics. The survey also ensured the reliability because the sample was scientifically chosen, which means that everyone had a chance of selection. That way, the results of the sample represented the population reliably with a certain degree of precision and certainty. The team also made interviews with the psychologist of the university and a specialist in the field of communication in order to have the opinions of some experts who have a large background on this subject and are the most suited to help us having a better understanding of the issue of misunderstanding and differences in communication between genders.

9 Subjects

For the research about gender differences in communication, the choice went to the AUI community since it is considered as being a small community that represents a view of how people in general communicate. The population selected was AUI University, which was composed of about 2000 students plus faculty and staff. Since a big part of the research was descriptive and the population was large, the sample size, according to the Roscoes simple rules of thumb in what sample size is Enough in Internet survey research (Hill, 1998), should have been 10% of population; which gave 200 to be sampled. These 200 people were randomly selected in order to have different perspectives and included both males and females, since the study compared the points of view of each gender, undergraduate and graduate students from all three schools (School of Business Administration, School of Engineering, and School of Social Science) and both Moroccan and exchange students. 22 people of the faculty in AUI community were selected. Since the faculty is older than AUI student, they were supposed to have more experience in life. Besides, the team looked if there were differences in points of view between generations. Staff was not included.

Data Gathering Tools The team did the survey on one sheet of paper in order to avoid tediousness and encourage respondents to provide answers to each question. The survey contained 13 questions and two of them were open questions. The open questions were assigned to push people to talk about themselves as well as their own experiences and feelings. Closed questions were chosen to support the assumptions that clarify the idea that we all live similar situations and have quite the same feelings while facing misunderstandings. The team chose mostly closed questions because

10 often people do not have enough time and patience to respond to questions that need deep reflection. The questions were formulated carefully, and the wording of questions was also chosen vigilantly to make sure that everyone would understand them. A pilot test was done by another 1202 section that had the same background knowledge on that field, so it was used to reveal strengths and weaknesses of the survey; thus, the team could modify the survey and made it efficient. This study not only provided the team with quantitative data as statistics, but it also used qualitative methods by doing two interviews with the instructors of the university. The questions in the interview were mainly about the reasons of the differences in communication that actually exist between men and women, the consequences, and also about the solutions of these misunderstandings. The members of the team agreed on dividing the tasks, and 110 surveys were quite equally divided between the team members. One team member was assigned to collect data from men, another from women, and another from mixed men and women, and the other one from faculty. Each member of the group had his/her own way of collecting data. The one who was designated to collect data from men distributed the surveys in the laboratories and to some students he knew. The one who was appointed to gather it from both men and women did it also in the laboratories and with people she knew. The other who was supposed to collect data from women did it in her building on Tuesday evening and Friday. All of the three gave to people some time to answer the questions and collected most of the surveys right after. The last one who had to do it with faculty people did it in four times from Thursday morning to Friday afternoon in their different offices. Faculty were offered the choice of taking some of their time to answer the survey at all, also the choice to either answer immediately or do it later with an agreement that the team member would come back the same day or the day after to collect them.

11 Results In order to answer the research questions _why is there a communication difference between men and women? How does the difference in communication between men and women manifest itself? What are the consequences of it_, two data gathering tools were used: survey and interviews. Survey results will be presented first. A 13 question survey of two pages in length was administrated to a sample of the AUI community (students, faculty, and staff), and 110 surveys were completed and returned. The types of questions employed were open questions, yes or no questions, and multiple choice questions. Finally, the second gathering tool that was used is interview. The survey began with closed questions in order to have some brief responses concerning the awareness and the opinions of respondents on the issue of communication differences between men and women. The five closed questions of the survey were as follows: 2-Are you aware of the differences in communication between males and females? 4-Do you feel concerned by this issue? 5-Do you think that women disclose their feelings and their opinions more than men? 7- Have you ever experienced one situation where the difference in communication between genders was a real problem?

Table 1: Response to yes/no questions of the survey, by gender: Females (number of respondents 50) Yes No No answer 89.09% 10.91% _ 65.45% 32.72% 1.82% 67.27% 27.27% 5.45% 56.36% 43.64% _ 52.73% 45.45% 1.82% Males (number of respondents 50) Yes No No answer 63.64% 36.36% _ 47.27% 50.90% 1.82% 50.91% 47.27% 1.82% 34.55% 65.45% _ 23.64% 72.73% 3.64%

Question2 Question4 Question5 Question7 Question12

12 Figure 1: Reasons for the differences in communication between men and women
respondents (Males)

Female respondents

34%

32% Educational Biological Cultural 34%

40%

41%

Educational Biological Cultural

19%

N=55

N=55

Figure1 represents the data obtained from respondents concerning the reasons for the differences in communication between men and women. From the charts it is obvious that female thought that biological reasons were less important in the issue of communication while education and culture were the major reasons for these differences in communication. However, mens opinions were totally different because as the graph for men illustrates, an almost equal number chose one of the three reasons as the main of communication differences between genders.

13 Figure 2: Consequences of miscommunication between men and women

respondents (Males)
Female respondents

Cause problems or tension in relationship 5% 21% 7% Improve communication skills No answer

69% 24% 5% 2%

Cause problems or tension in relationship Improve communication skills No answer

67%

Others

Others

N=55

N=55

Figure 2 illustrates the consequences of miscommunication between men and women. Both, males and females had the same results, and they thought that the main consequence of miscommunication was that it was causing problems and tension in relationship. However, the improvement of communication skills as a consequence of miscommunication was ranked as the second effect of this issue.

14 Figure 3: Types of communication in which miscommunication is obvious

respondents (Males)
Female respondents

4% 1% Verbal way Non verbal way 40% 55% Wrtitten way No response
33%

7%

4% Verbal way Non verbal Written way 56% No response

N=55 N=55

These charts show miscommunication in relationship to type of communication, such as verbal, non-verbal, or written. The results were approximately similar, so males and females considered that miscommunication was more obvious in verbal communication, such as every day interaction, and also non-verbal, such as gestures or body languages were the second most common form of miscommunication. The result of the open questions of the survey varied again according to genders and type of question. Females responses to the open-question what were your reactions and feelings when you have experienced a situation where the difference in communication between genders was a real problem? were: feeling of frustration; shock; intimidation; confusion; misunderstanding; hurt and anger. They tried to analyse the situation; on the other hand, males feelings were: embarrassment, shame, anger, stress, disappointment and confusion. They prefer to keep silent, to stay calm and they do not want to get involved.

15 To the question: do you feel that this miscommunication affects your everyday life? If yes, in what way? 52.73% of the female respondents stated that miscommunication affected their everyday life in many ways: in their personal life with their partners, and at work with their males colleagues. They have to argue and to explain, especially with their male colleagues who do not listen carefully and take seriously their opinions and ideas. For males, miscommunication between genders might slow down the evolution of team work, create problems and lead to conflicts. Females responses to the open-question: what is the best way to remedy to the misunderstandings we face were varied. Specific responses included: -More awareness of the issue of miscommunication. - More tolerance and open-mindness. - Open and frank discussions. - Respecting each others way of communication. -More women in visible responsible. - Public positions. - Teaching to men the skill of listening. - Being empathic. - Changing males mentality. -Trying to find some common points between the two genders in order to accept the differences in communication. Males responses to this question were: have more interaction between the sexes, try to omit the discrimination between men and women by educating the new generation, but this education should not neglect the biological differences which are natural, give more attention to women by

16 asking them questions and looking for more details, keep in mind that the way each gender expressed himself/herself may vary and finally accept these differences and learn how to appreciate them. There was who thought that there was no solution to this problem of misunderstandings between genders. An interview of 11 questions was conducted with two experts of both genders, and a comparison between these interviews was performed, and it was manifested by the difference of the answers to the questions asked. The first interview done with doctor Mobasheri was as follow: 1- Do communication differences between genders actually exist? Yes, they do. 2- Should communication differences between genders be considered as an issue worth studying? Yes, and that is why we have a communication class here at AUI. The 1205 class teaches communication skills to students; they do some exercises in this course to know in what way both genders communicate differently. 3- What are the main differences between the two genders in communication? When we observe men in a group, and women in one, we notice that women get closer, use more body language, listen more to each other, use more eye contact and touch each other. Men are more direct than women; they tend to be more action-oriented. They think about the steps to follow, the actions to take...Etc. 4- What are the main reasons for these differences? Biological reasons (level of hormones) Educational-family-training 5- How do these differences manifest in the everyday life? These differences manifest in the every day life in classrooms; boys get more attention than girls. That is why there is some people who think that women should study alone to get a better education without being hurt by the non-equality that exists between genders. These differences also manifest at work when males do not take women's ideas and opinions seriously. No genders

17 should feel guilty for these misunderstandings, no one is responsible 6- What are the consequences of these differences in communication between the two genders? We notice the consequences of these differences in communication between the two genders at work places. For example, women are more hesitating than men: "I suppose that..."; they have to work harder to maintain their place. Another consequence is the misunderstandings in the relationships and the impact of this in the marriages which has an impact on the children and consequently an impact on the future generation. Because of the misunderstandings that genders face, each side becomes defensive. 7- How can communication differences between genders influence the other fields in the society (for example: politics, business...)? People tend to assume that what women say is less valuable in comparison to what men say, in the parliament or in business meetings, for example. 8- How can men and women communicate better? Change comes from knowledge, awareness and practice. As long as communication takes a huge part of our time, we should practice the communication skills to make our communication with our mates better: perception checking, summarizing...etc. To accept the differences is also one way to make communication better. 9- We do have answers to all these questions. So why the problem of miscommunication still exists? We are self-observers; but we put less energy to understand and react. 10- Why do we have so many misunderstandings and disappointments in our communication with our mates if we have the answers? It is the human nature. Change is a very difficult thing to do. For example, people know that cigarette cause cancer, but they still smoke. As human we can evolve but we can not reach the perfection. 11- I n your opinion, how can we remedy the misunderstandings we face? Differences can be good, so we should try to appreciate them. The second interview done with Dr Paquin was as follow: 1- Do communication differences between genders actually exist? Yes, they do. Men do not express themselves as easily as women do.

18 2-Should communication differences between genders be considered as an issue worth studying? Of course, yes. Indeed, men and women can found common grounds. 3- What are the main differences between the two genders in communication? Men talk less and keep things inside more. 4- What are the main reasons for these differences? Cultural: Men are more doers than women. They perform tasks, they act while women express their feelings more. Traditions are strong: women usually stay home and men go out and play Men have a fear of intimacy: they think that by talking more, they are more vulnerable. 5- How do these differences manifest in the everyday life? We find only men talking in the cafe whereas women are talking in the Hammam. Outside family, men and women do not meet much. 6- What are the consequences of these differences in communication between the two genders? This issue of communication between genders is transmitted from generation to generation. There is no real discussion. 7- How can communication differences between genders influence the other fields in the society (for example: politics, business...)? Because there is so little communication, there is no willingness of men to improve things. Men do not want to talk. For example, if the king put a rule about communication that people should follow, the roots (men and women) do not change. 8- How can men and women communicate better? Men should be more accountable for what they do. Women are more transparent while men generally do not want to justify all what they do like coming back home late for example. 9- We do have answers to all these questions. So why the problem of miscommunication still exists? There is no real willingness of men to change things. Men are happy with the way things are. Politics and religion do not push them to change. For example, concerning religion, even if women go out more than before and are freer, they do not talk a lot when they go outside. In their minds, they still have to stay home. Although they disclose their feelings more, it is men who finally take decisions, who bring money 10- Why do we have so many misunderstandings and disappointments in our communication with our mates if we have the answers?

19

To know and practise are not the same. Women are afraid of men, they do not want to speak their minds and men do not want to change. 11- In your opinion, how can we remedy the misunderstandings we face? More women in power. That way, men will see women more worthy of respect. There were some differences that existed between the two interviews, which were manifested by different answers to the questions asked. The first difference that was faced was clearly stated in the answers of the question about what were the main differences between genders. Dr Mobasheri thought that men were more direct than women; they tended to be more action-oriented. They were thinking about the steps to follow, the actions to take...Etc. At the opposite, Dr Paquin thought that men were talking less and keeping things inside more. In addition, in the answer of what were the reasons that built these differences between genders, Dr Mobasheri stated that it was due to biological reasons (level of hormones) and educationalfamily-training; however, in the second interview, it was clearly said that it was due to culture and was related to customs and strong traditions. Nevertheless, in both interviews they agreed that differences of genders manifested in everyday life by men that were on the top and were taken more seriously, took much space, and talked more than women. Moreover, the two Doctors agreed that these differences that exist between genders would have consequences on generations. As a solution that they could propose, Dr Mobasheri stated that first both sides needed to accept the differences that existed and that changes came from knowledge, awareness, and practice. Dr Paquin on the contrary, said that men should be more accountable for what they do and women had to be more flexible with men. However, the two sides agreed that even if we had answers and solutions to our problems, we still have difficulties to apply it. To conclude, the

20 differences that were stated by both Dr Mobasheri as a female and Dr Paquin as a male, in their answers provided useful data for the study. Discussion and conclusion The survey that the team performed was conducted with the community of AUI including students, faculty, and staff, and a total of 110 surveys were finished and returned. The data gathered by the surveys and the interviews showed that differences in communication between genders actually exist. It was not expected that more than 36% of the males surveyed would not be aware of the differences in communication between males and females. In contrast, only 10.91% of the females are not conscious of it. The team first thought that everyone was conscious of this issue but it was not the case and it was surprising that men have the largest rate of unawareness. This leads the team to relate the results found to the causes of the misunderstandings genders face, which is the core of our research. Indeed, a considerable number of men are not even aware of this issue. Maybe men are not really aware of the existence of miscommunication between genders or are not interested in it, or at least they are less interested than women are. This supposition is also confirmed by the question in the survey which is about who feels concerned about this issue where, almost 20% of men feel more unconcerned by this issue than women. This makes a difference in the genders conception of the world where they live and may have a repercussion on their communication: some disagreements between the two genders. If taking the whole group: men and women who are unaware of this issue, the team can suppose that they think the differences in communication are not noticeable between genders because it exists between people in general, and that it is certainly not a matter of sexes.

21 A very large number of men (65.45%) stated in the answers for the survey never having experienced a situation where the differences in communication between genders were a real problem while only 43.64% affirmed that they had. This result was somewhat expected since men are not aware of the issue miscommunication or it is not important for them. This remark is also derived from the results to the question: do you feel that miscommunication affects your everyday life? In fact, a significant number of men (72.73%) think that the problem of miscommunication doesnt affect their everyday life while 45.45% of women believe that lack of communication with the other sex affects their lives. All this supports the idea that men do not really see the misunderstandings they face with the other sex as a real problem. This result can be related to the previous one that showed that men do not feel that much concerned by the issue. It may be due to the idea deduced from the interview with Doctor Paquin, who stated that men are more individualist, tend to be directive and leaders in groups and try to dominate in groups: if there is a conflict with the other sex, they are the ones who generally try to cope with it; in other words, they are the ones who try to impose their own way of dealing with the problem. This leads them to be generally satisfied with the result they got since it is their choice and women are more sensitive to this as they may not have been able to face mens decision. Consequently, this can be an explanation of why men do not feel that miscommunication affects their everyday life, in contrast to women. One unpredicted result was when 47.27% of men said that women do not disclose their feelings and their opinions more than men. Indeed, answers from the interviews showed that women were more expressive and sensible than men; however, men want always to be powerful and directive. They may not accept that women can have an advantage in comparison to them,

22 which is the ability to express their feelings and opinions and to share more personal things with others. In the survey, both men and women gave almost the same answers concerning the way they felt when confronted with a misunderstanding with the opposite sex, which was that they felt angry, confused, and disappointed. The team was surprised by the fact that males were stressed in that kind of situation. But, the teams assumption that women were frustrated and that they would feel very involved in the subject was demonstrated in the survey. Concerning how to resolve a conflict, on the one hand, most women would want to talk about the problem immediately, trying to understand what the conflict is really about in order to get it over with as soon as possible. On the other hand, men would choose to ignore the problem, thinking that not talking about it or postponing the discussion would solve the conflict. Finally, the team could not help but notice that half of the males surveyed were actually saying that they shared their feelings and emotions just like women do if not more. However, during the interview, Doctor Paquin said that this answer was not really true because the reason why men do not disclose their feelings is because they are afraid of intimacy, and also because they think that by expressing their feelings more, they are more vulnerable. The answer to the question about how communication differences between genders manifest itself differs between males and female. The few males who answered the question only said that it slows down the evolution of team work, creates problems and lead to conflicts. At the opposite, women were more numerous in answering this question, which confirmed the teams assumption that states that communication differences affect more women more than men in everyday life. It is manifested not only at work, where their male colleagues do not take their ideas and opinions seriously which makes them a little bit frustrated and creates a feeling of inferiority- but also with their

23 partners with whom they experience many misunderstandings. They are the ones who suffer the most from the differences with the strong sex. Almost everyone surveyed answered the last question about the best way to remedy the misunderstandings genders face, which pushed the team to think deeply about it and wonder: why do most of the people suggest many solutions, but do not try to apply them to themselves? It is perhaps due to the fact that it is easier to give suggestions than to act and also because, as Dr Mobashiri said: It is human nature. When comparing faculty and student answers, the team did not notice any difference between them. However, the answers were different between males and females in general. The differences in the answers did not take into consideration peoples age. The answers showed that there is a difference between genders, but not really between generations. In the interviews done with Doctor Mobasheri and Doctor Paquin, the team noticed that there were some differences in their answers. The differences manifested are due to many factors. One factor to consider is that Doctor Mobasheri is a female and Doctor Paquin is a male, so the issue of gender played a major role in these dissimilarities. Even if they have approximately the same professional training, they are opposite genders and individuals that think differently and have different conception of subjects, which supports the real existence of differences between the genders. In addition, we can consider that culture played a role also, because the fact of being from different cultural backgrounds may have participated in creating differences. Doctor Paquin as being from a French culture and Doctor Mobasheri from an American one contributed to having different answers for the same questions. In each opinion given, there are many factors that contribute to it such as knowledge, personal experience, and culture. It is noticeable that for the answers obtained from them, they both refer to these aspects

24 that influence them while answering. Moreover, the first interviewee, Doctor Mobasheri, is a professor of 1205 courses of interpersonal communication, so her background as a professor of personal communication, which is related to solving problems and conflict, helps her understanding somehow differences between genders and the forms they take. To conclude, the fact of getting different answers from these specialists in the communication field and who are male and female, support the existence of gender differences in communication. It is obvious in the response for the question, what are the main differences between men are and women, to which Doctor Paquin said that men are do not disclose their feelings and talk less; while men, according to Doctor Mobasheri, are more direct than women. Doctor Paquin had direct and short answers, whereas Doctor Mobashiri developed hers and did not answer only the questions but gave many examples, even from her personal life or from peoples everyday life. Also, Doctor Paquin insisted on the fact that one cause of the miscommunication between genders is that women are afraid of men, while men have a fear of intimacy: they think that by talking more, they are more vulnerable. On the other hand, Doctor Mobashiri stated that the causes can be cultural and biological. Besides, the results contained charts that illustrated the questions about causes and consequences and the types in which miscommunication is obvious. First, differences in communication between men and women as an issue have their causes, which were divided into three main parts: educational, biological, and cultural. In the results obtained from males, the reasons were divided equally, so the three reasons: biological, educational, and cultural, explain these differences; however, only 19% of 60 females think that biological reasons elucidate these misunderstandings, while the others reports that both cultural and educational are responsible for these differences. In the next question, the direct consequences of misunderstandings between

25 genders were suggested by the team as the cause of problems or tension in a relationship or the improvement of communication skills. The results for this part were really surprising because usually males and females have different opinions, while this time both genders think that the direct result of miscommunication is problems in relationships, 67% of males and 69% of females. The consequences of miscommunication were not the only results where men and women had the same opinions; it was manifested also in the types of communication where difference is obvious. Men and women both said that the difference between genders is obvious in verbal communication, which means the interaction with others and the daily conversation. The non verbal way, as body languages and gestures, were the second most common type of miscommunication between men and women. Finally, the team faced some problems when it was conducting the surveys. It was planned to do an interview with a psychiatrist, but it could not be done because of his very busy schedule. So, the team decided to look for another male expert who could play the same role. It was finally done with Doctor Paquin, an expert in the field of communication who has a PHD in that domain. In addition to that, the team very often faced the refusal of the respondents, and some of them did not take it seriously; they even didnt read the questions. At last, faculty at their turn represented some problems to the team because some professors kept postponing the filling of the surveys. To conclude, all of the ideas that were stated in the literature review were confirmed. For instance, the fact that the differences between genders in communication exist, not only in the verbal way but also in the non-verbal one was proved true through the survey conducted by the team. Moreover, these differences in communication are mostly due to culture, education and biologic origin. The consequences of these differences in communication which are:

26 misunderstandings and fights were also proved right. However, the team also found new ideas in the study such as the fact that a significant number of men are concerned about this issue and have feelings of disappointment when facing misunderstandings with the other sex.

27 References Arries. (1987). Personal communication Canaray & Dindia.(2006). Sex Differences and Similiraties in Communication Coates. (1986).Women, Men and Language Gray. (1992). Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Griffien, D. McGahee, & Slate. (1998). Online communication Hill. (1998). What sample size is Enough in Internet survey research Lathrop. (n.d.) Communication styles. Retrieved October 23, 2006, from www.communicationstyles.org Shrage. (1999) Why Cant a Woman Be More Like a Man? Retrieved October 16, 2006, from Academic Search Premier Tanner. (2002). You Just Dont Understand. Retrieved November 2, 2006. Tripp. (n.d.) Gender Differences In Communication

28 Appendix: A We are SSK 1202 students conducting a research on the communication differences between men and women. In order to assist us in gathering important information, we will be grateful that you take some time to complete this survey. _____________________________________________________________________ Please circle your choice: 1-What is your gender? Female male

2-Are you aware of the differences in communication between males and females? Yes no

3-What is, in your point of view, the most important reason for these differences? Biological. Cultural Educational. 4-Do you feel concerned by this issue? Yes No

5-Do you think that women disclose their feelings and their opinions more than men? Yes No

6-Do you think that differences in communication are more emphasized in the: ..Verbal way (talking) ...Non-verbal way (eye contact, body language) ...Written way (e-mail...) 7- Have you ever experienced one situation where the differences in communication between genders was a real problem? Yes No

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8-If yes, what were your reactions? How did you feel?

9-How could you have made it better?

10-In your opinion, which gender feels more concerned by this issue? Females males

11-In your opinion, what can be the consequences of this miscommunication? Cause problems or tension in relationship Improve communication skills Others (please specify):

12- Do you feel that this miscommunication affects your everyday life? If yes, in what way? No Specify: yes

13-In your opinion, what is the best way to remedy the misunderstanding we face?

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Thank you for your cooperation.

31 Appendix: B This is the interview that was done with Doctor Mobasheri and Doctor Paquin: 1- Do communication differences between genders actually exist? 2- Should communication differences between genders be considered as an issue worth studying? 3- What are the main differences between the two genders in communication? 4- What are the main reasons for these differences? 5- How do these differences manifest in the everyday life? 6- What are the consequences of these differences in communication between the two genders? 7- How can communication differences between genders influence the other fields in the society (for example: politics, business.)? 8- How can men and women communicate better? 9- We do have answers to all these questions. So why the problem of miscommunication still exists? 10- Why do we have so many misunderstandings and disappointments in our communication with our mates if we have the answers? 11- In your opinion how can we remedy the misunderstandings we face?