Have you ever noticed that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five

minutes" are exactly the same? As programmers go, I'm fairly social. Which still means I'm a borderline sociopa th by normal standards. -Jeff Atwood To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-man nered. -- Voltaire By the end of the century, there will only be five queens left: The Queen of Eng land, the Queen of Spades... -King Farouk Give a monkey a typewriter and he may eventually type out the works of Shakespea re. Give an educated man a laptop he will eventually look at naked women.

Privacy Policy We firmly believe that privacy is unimportant and meaningless to you. If it were not, you probably would not have a Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn account: and you certainly wouldn't ever use a search engine like Google. If you're one of th ose tin-foil-hat crazies that actually cares about privacy: stop using our servi ces and get a life. We agree with Mark Zuckerberg when he pithily opined "The age of Privacy is Over ." Our privacy policy is a reflection of this conviction. Therefore, to satisfy the absurd privacy requirements of various legal entities (and so you understand ex actly where you stand with us) we are pleased to present our privacy policy: 1. We are the company that cares about your privacy. Specifically, while most ot her companies are concerned with protecting your privacy, we care about profitee ring and violating it when expedient or useful. 2. You may think of using any of our programs or services as the privacy equival ent of living in a webcam fitted glass house under the unblinking eye of Big Bro ther: you have no privacy with us. If we can use any of your details to legally make a profit, we probably will. 3. We will track and log everything we can about all the dirty (and clean) thing s you do and like with cookies, GPS, secure connections and or whatever technolo gy exists today or becomes available at any time in the future. 4. By using any of our services, you grant us permission to surgically implant a tracking microchip of our choosing in your body and sell all collected informat ion to the highest bidder . . . and to all other bidders. You also agree to regu lar updates and reinstalls of said device entirely at our discretion for up to 5 0 years after the end of your natural life. 5. If the opportunity arises to sell or otherwise use this or any information, d

ata or meta data about you or your world, we will jump at that opportunity like a pitbull on a fresh steak 6. Please email us to tell us some of your secrets. We may, at our sole discreti on (or lack thereof), broadcast, reveal, sell, manipulate, or otherwise use thes e secrets, or any information we collect to our benefit whenever, wherever, and however we choose. 7. We are right now looking at you through your webcam. Do you always move your lips like that when you read? We also recorded what you were doing last week and are sending the video to (you know who). If the prior statements are not true, it's because in addition to everything else, we reserve the right to lie to you, and you agree to believe us and hold us harmless for any and all such lies. Fur thermore, if we are not recording everything you're doing through your webcam, i t's either because we haven't figured out how, you're just not that interesting, or both. 8. We are serious about all of the above. So don't go trying to sue us later wit h some nonsense like "I thought that was all satire." All your privacy are belon g to us. We mean it. 9. Cookies: We like chocolate chip cookies. You agree to furnish any employee or associate of our company with fresh chocolate chip cookies upon request. That's the price of using our programs and or services (in addition to any other price we come up with). 10. Spam. You agree that nothing we do with the access and information you grant to us shall be called Spam: even if it is. We prefer the term "bacon", because . .. mmmmmmmm bacon.