Colegio de Sebastian

A Research Paper on Sibling Rivalry

As a Partial Requirement for the Finals in English 2

Submitted by: David, Maria Joy B. Oida, Bathel Lyn P. Pangilinan, Rayah Lanela A. Senense, Clea Fyanne B. Yalung, Michelle C.

Submitted on: March 26, 2012

Submitted to: Mrs. Elena Y. Dizon

INTRODUCTION

BACKGROUND

What is Sibling Rivalry? How does it affect the relationships in the family? Sibling conflict is as old as Cain and Abel, as legendary as Cinderella and her stepsisters, and can be as deadly as the daughters of King Lear. Parents should know the battles are inevitable and must prepare their kids to defuse potentially ugly situations. And there will be times when parents must come to a child's defense and say, We are family, and we will not say anything that doesn't build up one another. We will respect each other.

All siblings fight! A sibling relationship would be incomplete without it's fair share of squabbles. Despite this, most siblings share a strong bond of love and camaraderie. Yet, there are times when the problem between siblings escalate into full blown conflicts that affect their relationship adversely. This, in turn, affects the dynamics of the whole family and leads to tension, and unrest. There could be many reasons behind sibling rivalry and at such time, parental attitudes are most essential. Parents find it difficult to see their children get hurt and are often left confused about when to step in and when to remain more spectators. Parents find it difficult to remain impartial in such emotionally charged situations and often resort to extreme measures. Dealing with such situations with utmost tact and letting siblings sort out their own differences, in most cases, is very important. Ensuring the genuine love and affection prevails between siblings even in such times of crisis is vital.

STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM

This research paper answers the following questions: 1.Why do siblings fight? What are the causes of Sibling Rivalry? 2.How does it affect the relationship between or among the family members? 3.How can Sibling Rivalry be prevented? 4.How common is Sibling Rivalry?

SIGNIFICANCE OF THE STUDY

1.The study will open up the minds of the people who are experiencing this kind of situation. So they can improve their relationships. 2.It will help readers prevent them from engaging in sibling rivalry. 3.Families will be more intact upon learning the causes and effects of sibling rivalry.

DISCUSSION

Why do siblings fight?

Many different things can cause siblings to fight. Most brothers and sisters experience some degree of jealousy and competition, and this can flare into squabbles and bickering. But other factors also might influence how often kids fight and how severe the fight gets. These includes:

Evolving Needs It's natural for kids' changing needs, anxieties, and identities to affect how they relate to one another. For example, toddlers are naturally protective of their toys and belongings, and are learning to assert their will, will they'll do at every turn. So if a baby brother or sister pick up the toddler's toy, the other child may react aggressively. School-age kids often have a strong concept of fairness and equality, so may not understand why siblings of other ages are treated differently or feel like one child gets preferential treatment. Teenagers, on the other hand, are developing a sense of individuality and independence, and might resent helping with household responsibilities, taking care of younger siblings, or even having to spend time together. All of these differences can influence the way kids fight with one another. Individual Temperaments Your kids' individual temperaments including mood, disposition, and adaptability and their unique personalities play a large role on how well they get along. For example, if one child

is laid back and another is easily rattled, they may often get into it. Similarly, a child who is especially clingy and drawn to parents for comfort and love might be resented by siblings who see this and want the same amount of attention. Special needs/Sick Kids Sometimes, a child's special needs due to illness or learning/emotional issues may require more parental time. Other kids may pick up on this disparity and ask out to get attention or out of fear of what's happening to the other child.

Role Models The way that parents resolve problems and disagreements sets a strong example for kids. So if you and your spouse work through conflicts in a way that's respectful, productive and not aggressive, you increase the chances the your children will adopt those tactics when they run into problems.

Favoritism There's no denying it. In any household with one or more than one children, kids seem to naturally complete for their mother's love and attention.

According to the survey, a lot of small things can cause sibling rivalry. One of the reasons is jealousy, because one child is favored than the other. That's why the other who is unfavored gets jealousy and mad to his/her sibling which sooner results to hatred. Julie Pontero, 16 Ronald Lacson, 32

What are the causes of sibling rivalry? There are many factors that contribute to sibling rivalry.

Each child is competing to define who they are as an individual. As they discover who they are, they try to find their own talents, activities, and interests. They want to show that they are separated from their siblings. Children feel they are getting unequal amount of attention, discipline and responsiveness. Children may feel their relationship with their parents is threatened by the arrival of new baby. Your children's developmental stages will affect how mature they are and how well they can share your attention and get along with one another. Children who are hungry, bored or tired are more likely to become frustrated and starts fights. Children may not know positive ways to get attention from or start playful activities with a brother or sister, so they pick fights instead. Family dynamics play a role. For example, one child may remind a parent of a relative who was particularly difficult, and this may subconsciously influence how the parents treats the child. Children often fight more in families where parents think aggression and fighting between siblings in normal and unacceptable way to resolve conflicts. Not having time to share regular, enjoy family time together (like family meals) can increase the chances of children engaging in conflict. Stress in the parents' lives can decrease the amount of time and attention parents can give the children and increase sibling rivalry. Stress in your children's lives can shorten their fuses, and decrease their ability to tolerate frustration, leading to more conflict. How parents treat their kids and react to conflict can make up big difference in how well sibling

get along.

We have asked some people, of what are the causes of sibling rivalry. Majority of them says it is because of jealousy and their want of more love, affection, and attention of one or both parents. For small children, the greatest rivalry they could have is when the other doesn't want to share his/her toys to the other. But this issue can be easily solved. For teenagers, it's more often to siblings who's age are near to each other with same sex. Because of Crab Mentality. And to siblings who are at the middle ages, if they still fight more often, this is not just a simple issue. Because there are some cases, where they can sue or threatened each other's life especially when the issue is about wealth.

How does it affect the relationship among family members?

Sibling rivalry affects a family in many different ways. When Sibling rivalry gets out of hand, the effects can be disastrous. Because of the serious problem that sibling rivalry can cause, it is more important that parents learn what causes sibling rivalry, how to keep sibling rivalry to a minimum, and how to combat the negative effects of sibling rivalry.

One of the possible negative effects of sibling rivalry is a household that, overall, has a much higher level of tension than others. If children are constantly bickering with their siblings, the parents are bound to feel the stress. Arguments and fights among to siblings ill greatly affect any other siblings as well, even if they are not directly involved in the sibling rivalry.

Sibling rivalry can also negatively affect a marriage. Sibling may often bring their parents

into a dispute, and find that one parent is siding one child, while the other parent siding the other child. By communicating with your spouse and making sure that you present a unified position, you can reduce some of the negative effects of sibling rivalry on your marriage.

Sibling rivalry can also affect the way that a child sees himself or herself. In many case, sibling rivalry is caused by jealousy. One child may believe that another child receives more time, attention, and even love than they do. This jealousy, which gave rise, can also cause the child to feel less love than their sibling. By making sure that all of your children are loved, that all of their needs are met, and that each of them gets some special individualized time and attention, you can avoid some of these negative effects of sibling rivalry. Obviously, there can be more severe negative effects of sibling rivalry. Sibling might become violent, causing injury to themselves or to others. Sibling might cause other sorts or severe problems. When this happens, or if you think it is about to happen, you might consider family counseling. By working with family therapist or counselor, you may be able to reduce the overall incidence of sibling rivalry and its severity.

Peoples Answers: Maritess Pineda, 43- the effect of this in the family is that sibling will tend to have less respect to their sibling. And if they will practice this kind of relationship, it will give them a big ad severe problem when they grow old. S, parents should give a lot of attention and guidance to their children before things will get worse. Ryan Clarin,26- Sibling rivalry would never have a good effect among family members. Its parents responsibility to guide their children. Misunderstanding is very normal. Even I experience that. But as long as children were trained well with good values and strong faith in God, they will never go in the wrong way.

How can sibling rivalry be prevented? Figuring out a solution to sibling rivalry can be difficult task to any parents. The fact of the matter is that sibling rivalry cannot be eliminated entirely. Only the siblings themselves have that power. However, as many parents know, sibling rivalry can often get out of hand, making for a difficult home environment. While it may not be possible to do away with sibling rivalry, there may be things that you can do to work with your children to find a solution to sibling rivalry. In addition, it is important to realize that many marriage family experts consider sibling rivalry a normal and a natural part of growing up, and that a certain degree of sibling rivalry is to be expected.

Still, sibling rivalry can be a very frustrating thing for parents. In some cases, sibling rivalry can even take an extremely bad turn, and wind up with a situation in which one of sibling is physically or verbally abusing the other sibling. One of the oldest stories of sibling rivalry, the story of Cain and Abel, even led to the murder of one sibling by the other. Because of this, it is important for parents to do whatever they are able to do in order to help stop sibling rivalry, or atleast keep sibling rivalry to a minimum.

The solution to sibling rivalry rests, mainly, on communication, just like any other sort of conflict, sibling rivalry very often escalates when there is a lack of good communication. This is not to say that a sibling rivalry is caused by the problems with communication. In fact, most sibling rivalry is caused by completely other things, such as jealousy, anger or a feeling of a loss of privacy. When these things occur, if the children are not communicating in an effective way it is likely that a simple dispute will turn into full-fledged sibling rivalry. So, while communication problems are not the cause of sibling rivalry, they are part of the solution to the sibling rivalry.

Good communication for siblings includes being able, first of all, to identify their own

wants and need. Often sibling rivalry begins with one sibling needs or wants are not being met. Being able to identify those needs and then to communicate them to their sibling is a nonthreatening way is the first step in the solution to sibling rivalry. The next step in the solution of sibling rivalry is a bit more difficult however it includes the siblings being able to listen effectively to each other want and needs. Finally, the most important part in the solution to sibling rivalry is for the sibling to be able to put themselves in their siblings shoes, not only listening to their wants and needs but trying to see things from their perspective.

SURVEY: Joan Buan. 34 the best way to prevent sibling rivalry is of course first, focus on your children. Parental guidance is still the best thing kid need. If you think rivalry is starting with your children, better ask them and give them some piece of advice.

Lanie Grace Pangilinan just always be there for your kids because if theres no mother/father guiding them, more possibility of rivalry will grow. And as long as God is introduced to them very well, when they grow up, they wouldnt make any issues severe.

How common is Sibling Rivalry?

Some degree or another of Sibling Rivalry is extremely common. In fact, it is safe to say that Sibling Rivalry occurs in the vast majority of families, at least to some extent. Some experts believe that not only is Sibling Rivalry a common thing for families, but it is actually an indicator that the family is a healthy and normal one. Some go as far as to suggest that Sibling Rivalry, in its mildest form, anyways, is even beneficial to family.

Having said of all of that, the fact remains that severe Sibling Rivalry ( tends to be more ) is much less common than the occasional dispute between siblings. For the most part, studies suggest that Sibling Rivalry tends to be more common and more severe when the children are of in the same gender, or when they are close together in age. This is because proximity in age can cause siblings to be more likely to compete, whether it is area of academics, or in sports, or whether they are competing socially. In the way, siblings of the same gender will often compete. This is especially true of siblings of the same gender who share a room, as if can be difficult for a child to find some place that they can be alone, and that they can call their own exclusively.

It is also common for Sibling Rivalry to be intensified be other circumstances. When, for example, a parent tense to favor one child over another, this can lead to a variety of feelings, such as jealousy, which can cause or intensify the Sibling Rivalry. It is also common for Sibling Rivalry to make more severe by a lack of communication. In fact, teaching your children good and positive communication skills is one of the best ways that you can help to reduce the amount of Sibling Rivalry that they experience.

Sibling Rivalry is less common as children grow up and get older. While Sibling Rivalry may exist in adults, for example it is much more common for siblings to get along better as adults that they did as children. SURVEY:

We have asked some people and they say some things that are in common. Like for them, Sibling Rivalry is very common. Especially to kids. And as siblings get older, rivalry fades in their relationship. But when serious things for adults, thats the most severe rivalry stage siblings could have. Angela Pineda, 21 Alexander Yalung, 39 Kate Catacutan, 17

CONCLUSION: Based on the research conducted the fallowing conclusions have been arrived at:

1.Sibling flight because of evolving needs, individual temperaments, favoritism, jealousy. 2.Sibling rivalry will have an effect among family members like: a. Siblings will have less respect to one another. b. Family relationship will be destroyed. c. Sibling will compete with each other. d. Hatred will rise. 1.Sibling Rivalry can be prevented as long as the parents guidance and assistance will guide them. 2.Sibling Rivalry is very common. Its very normal to every family

RECOMMENDATION: 1.Parents should: a. Guide their children well. b. Have proper attention to their children. c. Check their childrens situation every now and then. d. Be ready to give lessons in times of quarrel. e. Treat their children fairly. 1.Siblings must: a. Be aware for every consequence when it comes to rivalry. b. Have good communication with their parents. c. Have respect for each other. d. Not let hatred ruined their relationship. e. Be open minded enough to understand each situations.