The Family: A Key Agent in the Journey of Self-Actualization By Gabriel Amobi

Introduction:
Man is related to other lower animals in many ways. Yet, he possesses many clear distinguishing prerogatives that set him apart from these other close neighbours. One of these prerogatives that becomes evident shortly after his birth is the fact that he is least controlled by his instincts unlike other animals. This characteristic feature of man, i.e. not having his actions dictated by instincts, is compensated by nature with the gift of reason. Reason in turn endows man with very wide possibilities of actions. Thanks to this prerogative, man can be the architect of his/her own history, he can reflect on his/her existence and can always seek to transcend himself. This good side is, however, not the whole story. Due to the loose control of instincts in man, he needs relatively longer period and maximum dependence in order to come to maturity. An abandoned newly-born goat/sheep can manage pretty well to survive but an abandoned human being can hardly survive. Thus, man requires to be cared for, nourished and trained for a relatively longer period of time. In fact, many scholars now believe that man needs these assistances not just for the early moments of life, but also very deep into his matured life. Of all the various avenues through which man gets support and assistance, the family is pre-eminent. In this write-up, we wish to examine the role ones family plays in ones journey towards self-actualization and perfection.

Conceptual Framework:
Before delving headlong into our topic, let us for clarity sake, understand these two key terms for this write-up: the family and self-actualization. The Family: Ones family usually refers to ones father, mother and siblings. At an extended stance, it includes ones grandparents, uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces. Here, however, the term family has a broader designation. It includes every factor of influence around the childs circle of relationship at home from the time of his/her birth. These could range from the childs parents and other members of the family, the maids, the babysitters, the close neighbours, to qualitative care, nourishment, attention, rewards, informal home trainings, and affirmations given to the child. Self-Actualization: Largely because mans behaviour is not dictated by instincts, man has the freedom of choosing his actions from a wide possible alternatives; thus, he is the architect of his own future. In addition to this, man is not totally empty; depending on particular traits he is genetically endowed with, he is born with some natural pre-dispositions and untapped potentials. Hence, it is said that ones personality is made up of the interplay of nature (inherited traits) and nurture (training and environment). That one is born with a particular trait does not mean that he/she has already possessed

that talent. One acquires a particular trait through practice and exposure. The process through which ones inherited dispositions moves from their potential state to actuality is called self-actualization. There are many inherent inherited traits that are never actualized in ones life-time. For instance, a village boy who has a very high aptitude for mathematics may never actualize this rare potential if he has not the opportunity to attend a school where this potential will be harvested and perfected.

The Indispensability of the Family in the Journey of Self-Actualization

Obviously, many factors come into play in a childs journey towards self-actualization. But amongst all these factors, the childs family occupies a cardinal place, probably because it is nearest to the child, or because it is one of the earliest factors, or because of the amount of trust the child usually places on his/her family circles. Although Sigmund Freuds psychoanalytic theory is not totally accepted today, it offers us an insight into the possible influence of ones family on ones later development in life. With regard to self-actualization, ones family can make or mar ones inherent potentials. They can do this by the various type of encouragement, advice, admonition, they give to the child. If the parents, for instance, do not affirm the child in his little early successes, he may develop a malfunctioned personality that is socially unacceptable. If the child suffers any kind of abuse in his early years, no matter where, it will surely affect and influence the type of relationship he forms later in life. Some ladies today who suffer from sexual frigidity are the unfortunate victims of early life abuse. Many great achievers today are those who receive enough dosage of love and care in their early life, which unsurprisingly lead them to heights today. Many who are judged as brilliant by their peers may not be so genetically, but they have been taught, either by words or example, to value hard work and determination. This brings us to the fact that children learn a lot and faster through imitation. If this is so, then, parents and significant others have a great work to do in order to give the younger ones enough good materials to emulate from. This caveat does not just end in showing good example to children, it also entail shielding them away from dangerous sources of bad behaviours and habits. This includes knowing their friends and their friends family, knowing the literatures they read, censoring the television programmes they watch and the type of home movies they are continually exposed to. All these require parents and significant others to be close to the kids and to know them. Just as we mentioned in the introduction, human beings need the longer time of care and nurture to attain maturity. If one really cares for a child, he will be prepared to sacrifice an ample time for the childs development. It is no longer a new rule that whatever that is precious in life takes time, both to get and to maintain. This admonition is especially directed to parents that sacrifice their childrens psychosocial needs at the altar of pursuit for money.

A Word to Parents and Significant Others in the Family

It must be emphasized that every child is a unique personality, which expresses the wonder of creation. With the imagery of malleable clay in the hands of a potter, one can easily understand the enormity and the seriousness of the load of training the child, especially in his/her tender stages. Although many factors later in life will contribute to the final product, the extent of influence the parents and many significant others have on the childs later development can hardly be exaggerated.

If parents and other members of the childs family are cognizant of this fact, they will not hesitate in putting in their best for the full actualization of the childs inherent potentials. A great onus lies on them to inspire children to greater heights, to lift them up to height they can not reach on their own. This is a task which they cannot shy away from. Nevertheless, in caring for childs development, an extreme must be cautiously avoided. Though the child needs the support of his family members, care should be taken not to force the child into a particular stereotype future or vocation. While training the child, parents and significant others in the family should always remember that the child has a unique vocation which may not be the same with the familys expectation. All the childs family should offer the child is guidance in freedom. A renowned poet, Kahlil Gibran captures the foregoing point in his poem, Child-raising, which I plead to cite a length: Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Lifes longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archers hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Conclusion
Human beings, by virtue of their reason, are above other animals that are wholly controlled by instincts. By this special prerogative of man have its pros and cons. Thanks to mans reason and his loose attachment to instincts, he needs relatively the longest time in life to develop his full potentials. In this journey of self-actualization, many factors come into play which shapes the direction of this journey. Of all the factors at stake in the self-actualization of a childs potentials, the family has a lion share, perhaps due to proximity, priority and significance. The parents and significant others in any family should be aware of the enormity of responsibilities entrusted on their shoulders for the full actualization of a childs potential. Apart from being their always for the child and providing a conducive atmosphere for the childs proper development, they should also guard the influences that come across the child for at this early stage, they learn swiftly through imitation. Finally, while striving to guide the child in the right direction in life, they should not also forget that the child is a unique being with a unique mission in life. The children should be guided but not to be forced into fitting an already stereotyped vocation which fits merely the expectations of the parents because, as Kahlin Gibran wrote, They are the sons and daughters of Lifes longing for itself.