Cartoons red Meat, ted rall, stripWax and our fallen favorites

soundboard punk/indie/eMo/ska/hardCore/Metal/roCk
City paper piCk the 2nd annual tattoo Contest
voCal booth: Will return next Week
arts a vandal or an artist?
savage love adult sex adviCe
jonesin CrossWords freakin a
sudoku noW bigger and better
ask a MexiCan alternate Meanings to the Word pinChe
Contents
MarCh 12, 2009 voluMe 4 issue 15
Editor-in-ChiEf Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com
ArtS Editor Judit Trunkos
jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com
dESign
Kellie Duff
PubliShEr
Paul Blake
paul@columbiacitypaper.com
ACCount ExECutivES
Lucy Murray
ContributorS
Andy Brack, Graeme Fouste, Harry S. Iarch,
Magdalene Kellett, Ismail Lagardien, WR Marshall,
Will Moredock, Ted Rall, Fred Richardson,
Dan Savage, Mike Serge,
Greg Slattery, Michael Spawn, Kingsley Waring
ColumbiA City PAPEr
701 Gervais Street, Suite 150-218
Columbia, SC 29201
803.667.3923 / Fax: 803.461.4640
pg. 13
pg. 7
Can alternative Weekly CoMiCs stay afloat?
letters to the reader dear urinal Conversation guy
statehouse report poverty in s.C.
st. pats festival Map Courtesy of the establishMent
regional ChipMunk bites CustoMer in hoMe depot
festival band lineup
st. pats CoMMission guide Courtesy of Colas alt Weekly
Conservation hotlist Cleaning up dheC
ted rall killing Cartooning
Mr Meaners CriMe WatCh
dont paniC is MexiCos drug War a threat?
pg. 12
Arts.Entertainment.Etc
News.Politics.Commentary
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Now hiriNg ad reps!

Quote of the issue
Boy, you really need to do
something about that face!
Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The
first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies are $1 each. Views expressed do not neces-
sarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC
Call 667-3923
for advertising
information
3 MarCh 12, 2009
dear wife working out to one of those pole
dancing aerobic exercise videos,
Granted, I like the idea of installing a
brass stripper pole in the living room, but
you cant pole dance in sweats at seven in the
morning. Why take all the joy, all the art out
of pole dancing for the sake of ftness? If you
want to pole dance, we need to hang some
blinking stage lights, maybe set up a couple
of high back chairs and a table with a black
tablecloth and red votive candles. Crank some
Motley Crue. Ill put on a bad silk shirt and
you can bring me watered down drinks and try
to upsell me for lap dances.
...Hey, youre always saying you want me
to work out with you, right?
Columbia City paper
dear scientologists,
Boy, did you guys get it all wrong! Earth
isnt populated by an ancient alien race who
have been reincarnated since time immemorial
and whos current human incarnation will use
the symbols you carved into the New Mexico
desert as a return point when they travel here
in the future from other points in the cosmos.
Everyone knows that alien beings landed on
Earth in 200 B.C. to mine the land for ore to
fuel their ships and conduct cross breeding
experiments with ancient humans who wor-
shipped them as gods.
Man, you Scientologists sure are kooky!
Columbia City paper
dear urinal conversation guy,
No offense, but Im kinda in the middle
of something. Lets talk about the Gamecocks
back at the bar. The next rounds on me if you
just let me fnish because Im starting to clam
up here and it stings. And, stop trying to make
eye contact, dude, thats really creepy.
Columbia City paper
dear morning jog in haywire weather,
How did it go from 70 to 28 degrees over
night? I had sprinted out the door and was
too far down the street to turn back before I
noticed the temperature fuctuation. Something
told me not to wear this cutoff sweatshirt with
these skimpy Umbro soccer shorts. In warm
weather no one notices them, but in these
freezing conditions dudes in passing cars have
started sarcastically catcalling me and mock-
ing my chapped red thighs. Id shake my fst at
them, but it hurts to curl my fngers.
Jesus, maybe I should rob a clothesline.
Id wrap myself in a yak pelt to keep warm
at this point. Im obviously too far to make it
home. And forget about work. Ill make camp
in the park near Owens feld, build a fre and
make a shelter. Then I might have just enough
light left to fnd a sharpened stone to make
weapons.
Columbia City paper
Reader
Letters to the
With the economy in the tank and unemploy-
ment on the rise, people who need a little help
are easy targets for finger-pointers.
They just need to go out and get a job, one
might say. Another might chime in, Theyre
killing me because my tax dollars are paying for
them to be lazy and sit around on welfare.
Lets resist this kind of rant, a subtle form
of racism that may be appealing to some in
hard times. Instead, we ought to look to state
leaders and hold them accountable to create
a brighter jobs environment and work to help
people weather the economic storm.
If they cant do that, they should be shown
the door.
Poverty in South Carolina is a fact of life.
The state ranks 11th in the country with more
than 642,000 living in poverty, according to
2007 numbers by KidsCount. In 2000, it was
13th with 557,000 people in poverty.
Half those in poverty in South Carolina
are black; about half are white, according to
StateHealthFacts.org, a Web site run by the
Kaiser Family Foundation.
So while poverty is increasing, interestingly,
the number of people getting government assis-
tance actually is going down. Its the result of
what happened in the 1990s when President Bill
Clinton reformed welfare as we know it. If
youll recall, people no longer can get welfare
handouts for life. Theyre limited to two years
of assistance.
In 1997-98 in South Carolina, an average
of 44,649 families a month received monetary
welfare aid, according to the state Department
of Social Services. Ten years later, the monthly
average dropped by almost 12,000 families to
32,985. The amount of money spent on tradi-
tional welfare 10 years ago was $38 million; last
year, benefits from the Temporary Assistance
to Needy Families (TANF) program were $33
million.
So picking on people who receive direct
monetary help to validate simmering prejudices
just isnt justified. There are fewer now on
welfare than in years past.
Another welfare indicator is Medicaid, a
health assistance program for the poor. Its a
myth that Medicaid is a welfare program for
people who dont work, according to the S.C.
Hospital Association. Some numbers:
51 percent of people who receive Medicaid
are white.
On average, low-income families who get
Medicaid stay on it for only two years; children
average 2.5 years.
Some 65 percent of people enrolled in
Medicaid are in working families. The elderly
and disabled account for about a quarter of the
people who receive Medicaid, but use 62 percent
of the resources.
McKinley Washington, a former state sena-
tor from Charleston County who now chairs the
state Employment Security Commission, says he
sees increasing needs among all kinds of South
Carolinians. At employment centers, he sees
people looking for work who have doctorate
degrees. At a Presbyterian Church where he pas-
tors on Edisto Island, he sees hardship weekly
among rural residents.
Its the same thing all over, Washington
said. Youve got people all over really crying
for jobs, looking for jobs.
Jermaine Husser, who runs the Lowcountry
Food Bank in Charleston, sees the same thing.
More people are looking for help than ever
before, he said. This year, he is projecting that
the demand for the food bank, which serves the
states 10 coastal counties, will rise 40 percent.
Last year, the organization gave away 10.5 mil-
lion pounds of food for people who needed it.
This year, it will approach 15 million pounds.
Theyre coming in to supplement food
stamps, or theyre coming in for the first time,
he said.
The number of people receiving food stamps
has grown dramatically over 10 years. Last
year, some 574,845 people per month on average
received the benefit, up from 314,799 per month
on average in 1997-98, according to DSS.
While some now might find it easy to target
their blame to those receiving food help from
governmental and nonprofit entities, what really
needs to happen is for our leaders need to grow
more jobs and to make it their first priority.
Sadly, that doesnt seem to be happening
now at the Statehouse.
Instead, theyre fiddling with bills on abor-
tion, handguns under seats, smoking in cars and
shuffling agencies from one place to another.
As my old boss Fritz Hollings often says,
now is the time to keep your eyes on the dough-
nut (more jobs), not the hole.

Andy Brack is publisher of S.C. Statehouse
Report. talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
BY ANDY BRACK
Dont get caught up in handout blame game
=>.<-*B<
=1>;<-*B<
341 S. Woodrow St.
(Corner of Woodrow and Rosewood)
803.252.6931
Slice Night
$1.25
2 for 1
Medium 2 toppings
(Dine in Only!)
Map courtesy of Free Times
Budweiser/roCk 93.5/foX
102 stage
Located on greene street
12:15 p.m. TJ Lanaghan
1:15 p.m. Villanova
2:30 p.m. Airborne Toxic Event
3:45 p.m. Manchester Orchestra
4:45 p.m. Budweiser Toast
5:00 p.m. 10 Years
miller lite/wnok stage
Located at the corner of
Blossom and harden street
Noon Henry Clay People
12:50 p.m. Loch Ness Johnny
1:50 p.m. Brantley Gilbert
2:50 p.m. Marry A Thief
3:50 p.m. Patrick Davis
5:00 p.m. We The Kings
time warner CaBle/free
times stage
Located on harden street
near Tripps Cleaners
Noon Battle of the Bands
winner
12:55 p.m. Adelitas Way
1:50 p.m. The Heist & The
Accomplice
2:45 p.m. Hot Lava Monster
3:40 p.m. Josh Roberts & The
Hinges
4:45 p.m. MuteMath
five Points assoCiation
stage/magiC 98.5
Located on saluda avenue
and Blossom street
12:15 p.m. 3rd Stone
1:10 p.m. Alberta Cross
2:05 p.m. Woodwork Roadshow
3:00 p.m. The Movement
4:05 p.m. Blue Dogs
5:15 p.m. Seven Nations
Hardees stage
Located at the Five points
Fountain
Noon Billy Mulligan
12:55 p.m. drop d.
1:55 p.m. No. 1 Contender
2:55 p.m. Justin smith and
Folk hop Band
3:55 p.m. Treadmill Trackstar
5:00 p.m. Ballyhoo
CoCk n Bull stage
2910 rosewood dr. (party not
part of offcal festival)
(see back cover) $5.00
admission fee, kids free
Headlining Band: Tom Hall and
the Plowboys
Also featuring: Chris Compton
and Casey Hammett of The
Fossil Record Acoustic
(Bring tents, chairs, and
tailgating supplies! (no coolers
please!) These are welcome at
Cock and Bull only.
5 MaCrh 12, 2009
band lineup
REGIONAL BRIEFS
aiken
Trapped dog bites off rescuers fnger
Aiken police said they will not charge the
owner of a dog that bit off the tip of a womans
fnger while she tried to rescue it. The woman
was reportedly trying to help the 8-year-old
Labrador Retriever pull its foot from a wooden
privacy fence when the injured animal snapped,
according to the Aiken Standard. The animal
was on the dog owners property, was inside
the fence and has reportedly received its annual
rabies vaccinations, though authorities said it
will still be quarantined.
Bar bouncer forced to break up fght Old
west style
The Aiken County Sheriffs Offce is inves-
tigating a bar brawl that ended with shots fred
and customers diving for cover.
A security guard at the Hilltop Bar said
numerous malfunctions led him to extreme
measures after a large fght broke out in the bar.
The guard reportedly used his pepper spray on
the combatants with little effect. He said that
he also attempted to use his Taser, but it failed
as well. Finally, the guard pulled his pistol and
fred a single shot into the ceiling, which dis-
persed the crowd.
Deputies responding to the scene reportedly
found a shell casing and several gold teeth on
the foor.

mYrtle BeaCH
police give residents radar guns
North Myrtle Beach public safety offcials
have given residents the chance to police the
speed limits in their own neighborhoods. The
agency plans to recruit and train volunteers to
operate radar detectors and record speeds from
the comfort of their front yards.
Myrtle Beach offcials who have been feld-
ing numerous speeding complaints from certain
neighborhoods believe the program may also
help clear up residents perceptions about the
motorists driving through their neighborhoods.
Theres this perception that people are
speeding that may be only going four or fve
miles over the speed limit, Public Safety Di-
rector William Bailey told the Myrtle Beach
Sun.
The stationary radar systems will allow res-
idents to sit in their yards or driveways to po-
lice passersby. Authorities will not issue tickets
to anyone, but say they will send a letter to the
registered owner of any offending vehicle.
atlantic Beach mayor believes town leaders
are staging a coup
Atlantic Beachs new mayor, Retha Pierce,
attended a hearing this week stemming from
her January arrest at town hall following an
argument with town councilwoman, Charlene
Taylor, over offce space. Pierce claims the
town manager lured her to city offces, so Tay-
lor could start an argument while a town police
offcer flmed the fracas with his cell phone
camera.
Mayor Pierce said she believes town off-
cials are conspiring to hide evidence of corrup-
tion that she plans to uncover and that the video
is an attempt to discredit her.
Any con artist can put something together,
it just didnt happen, there was no one there
with video; no one there that day, Pierce told
WBTW News 13. Im going to get everybody
who is out to get me. Wolves in sheeps cloth-
ing I like to call them; looking to destroy Retha
Pierce, discredit Mrs. Pierce.
Mayor Pierce was charged with resisting
arrest in December 2007 after police said she
tried to evade a holiday traffc stop on foot. The
mayor said she plans to sue the town over the
video and sue the offcer who shot it.
roCk Hill
College student accidentally discharges gun
in class
Rock Hill police arrested a York Technical
College student last week after authorities say
a pistol fell out of his pocket and discharged
during class. Jeremy Moffett, 19, told the Rock
Hill Herald that he was asleep during the class
and that the gun fell from his pocket and dis-
charged. Another report by the Associated Press
stated that Moffett later admitted to fngering
the trigger in his pocket when it discharged.
The bullet reportedly ricocheted off the
foor, banked off an unoccupied metal chair and
lodged in the ceiling. No one was injured. Mof-
fett has been suspended until his college disci-
plinary hearing and though police charged him
with carrying a pistol unlawfully and discharg-
ing a frearm within city limits, they said they
dont believe he intended to harm anyone.
sPartanBurg
Footprints in snow lead police straight to
burglar
Police made short work of a burglary call
placed during a recent winter storm: they sim-
ply followed the tracks in the snow. The trail of
footprints reportedly led from a broken window
at a discount store directly to an abandoned
home nearby, where police found Robert Earl
Coker, 43, hiding in the attic.
Coker was charged with petty larceny,
second-degree burglary and occupying a con-
demned property, according to the Spartanburg
Herald-Journal.
Chipmunk bites customer in home depot
gardening section
A Spartanburg woman says she was bitten
by a chipmunk while shopping at Home Depot,
according to the Herald-Journal. The woman
reportedly said she discovered the chipmunk
in the gardening section and when she reached
down to touch it, the animal bit her. Store em-
ployees were later able to capture it with a
swimming pool net. The chipmunk was turned
over to animal control offcers, who will likely
euthanize and behead the small woodland crea-
ture to test it for rabies.
Mug shot of Atlantic Beach Mayor Retha Pierce
after being arrested for trespassing charges.
6
MaCrh 12, 2009
7 MaCrh 12, 2009
Changing dheC
It is time to change the Department of Health
& Environmental Control (DHEC) and make the
agency truly accountable for protecting public
health and the environment. S. 384, introduced
by Senators John Courson and Phil Leventis,
and sponsored by Senators Vince Sheheen,
Glenn Reese, John Matthews and Dave Thomas,
would eliminate the current DHEC Board and
centralize authority in a Secretary of Health and
the Environment, appointed by the Governor
and approved with the advice and consent of the
Senate.
DHEC needs a new spirit of leadership and
a clarifed mission. The public has unfortunately
lost trust in the current administrations ability
to stand up against special interests, including
inappropriate legislative interference. Cabinet
status would help restore agency accountability,
independence and effciency and protect South
Carolinas two most important assets, the
environment and human health.
in tHe senate
Changing DHEC (S.384, Senators John
Courson and Phil Leventis) PRIORITY
This bill would make DHEC accountable as
a cabinet agency by eliminating the DHEC
Board and creating a Secretary of Health &
Environmental Control, appointed by the
Governor with the advice and consent of the
Senate. The bill adds separate three member
review Boards for Health and Environmental
Control. The members would be appointed
by the Governor with advice and consent of
the Senate and would need to have scientifc
expertise and a demonstrated commitment to the
protection and promotion of public health and/or
the environment.
Wasting South Carolina (S.324, Sen. Gerald
Malloy) PRIORITY
This bill calls for a two-year moratorium on
permits for new or expanded solid waste landflls.
Currently, South Carolina has twice its needed
landfll capacity, and if proposed projects in
Williamsburg and Marlboro Counties are built,
our state will soon have three times as much
capacity as it needs. Almost 30% of the waste
disposed of in South Carolina last year came
from other states, and that amount increases
steadily each year. Although revisions to the
Determination of Need are currently before the
Legislature, a recently appointed stakeholder
taskforce will need time to complete a more
thorough review of the capacity issue.
Conservation Bank: Funding our Natural
Heritage- PRIORITY
Protecting watersheds, working farms and
natural resources is a down payment toward
saving what is special about living in South
Carolina. Since funding for the Conservation
Bank comes from a percentage of deed recording
fees, funding levels fuctuate with the real estate
economy. Unfortunately, the current economic
crisis resulted in drastically cutting the Banks
2008-2009 funding (originally estimated at $15-
20 million) by more than 75%- more than any
other state agency.
Operation Empowered (S.8, Sen. Glenn
McConnell)
This bill would require the Offce of Regulatory
Staff (ORS) to form a non-proft entity that would
establish programs to provide fnancial assistance
to low-income citizens to implement energy
effciency and conservation measures. Members
of the State Regulation of Public Utilities Review
Committee (PURC) would serve as the entitys
Board of Directors. The ORS could also appoint
an advisory committee of electric utilities,
electric cooperatives, and other energy related
organizations representatives, as well as persons
from poverty assistance organizations. Questions
remain about whether funds should be managed
by the ORS or the states Energy Offce.

Renewable Energy Goals (S.9, Sen. Glenn
McConnell) PRIORITY
This bill establishes energy effciency and
renewable energy goals for state government, by
directing state agencies to procure energy effcient
products. Last week the Senate Agriculture and
Natural Resources Committee approved S.9 and
adopted a good amendment that requires all state
agencies to perform energy effciency audits.
If an audit reveals guaranteed savings, then the
state agency must seek performing contracts by
July 2011. S.9 received second reading in the
Senate two weeks ago. However, this bill was
not acted upon last week.

Defnition of Renewable Energy (S.232, Sen.
Greg Ryberg)
S.232, which amends the State Energy Plan and
the defnition of renewable energy resources
was debated by the full Senate last week. The
Senate Agriculture Committees report that
removed nuclear fuel reprocessing from the
defnition of renewable energy resources was
not adopted because Sen. Ryberg attempted to
amend the Committee Report by adding nuclear
fuel reprocessing to the State Energy Plan. Sen.
Phil Leventis then spoke against Sen. Rybergs
amendment just before the Senate adjourned.
Because S.232 is now on the Senates contested
calendar, it may not be discussed again this
week. The conservation community continues to
closely monitor this legislation.

Turtle Export (H. 3121, Rep. James Smith)
PRIORITY
This bill seeks to prohibit the capture and mass
export of South Carolinas turtles, including:
the box turtle, yellowbelly turtle, Florida cooter,
river cooter, chicken turtle, eastern painted turtle,
spiny softshell turtle, Florida softshell turtle and
common snapping turtle. Violation of the law
would carry a $200 per turtle fne.
Provided by the Conservation Voters of South
Carolina
8 MarCh 12, 2009
NEW YORK--An editorial cartoon
is like nothing else in a newspaper.
Editorial cartoonists dont need any
special degrees. Unlike reporters and
editorial writers, they dont even have
to pretend to be fair. Moderation in
what Jules Feiffer called the art of ill
will is the ultimate vice: boring.
A great political cartoon can do
things no news article or editorial can.
It can expose hypocrisies and ideo-
logical contradictions with the stroke of a pen
and the flash of an eye. It can connect seem-
ingly unrelated events to point out a theretofore
unnoticed trend. At its best, an editorial cartoon
can prompt readers to rethink societys basic
assumptions.
But American political cartoonists are
an endangered species. The Association of
American Editorial Cartoonists estimates that
there are fewer than 90 full-time staff cartoon-
ists left in the U.S., down from approximately
280 in 1980. A dozen have lost their jobs in
the last year alone. Syndicated cartoonists have
seen their income drop by 50 percent or more.
Discouraged and broke, young cartoonists are
abandoning the field.
Editorial cartoonists face the same enemy
as the newspapers where they appear: the
more widely their work is disseminated on the
Internet, the less they get paid. Particular to
graphic journalism, however, is the seeming
determination of editors and publishers to ren-
der editorial cartooning irrelevant--by promot-
ing hack work over quality.
We Americans live in a golden age of edito-
rial cartooning. Never have has the profession
been as ideologically, stylistically or demo-
graphically diverse. Never has the art been as
daring or ambitious. Never have cartoons been
as popular or, thanks to the Internet, as widely
read. Yet American editorial cartooning is in
danger of disappearing entirely--murdered by
editors and publishers at the major magazines
and newspapers.
The state of political cartooning in 2009
mirrors that of radio in the late 70s. Music was
awesome, but the good stuff wasnt on the radio.
Punk, new wave and postpunk took chances and
redefined popular music, but the only way to get
it was to buy LPs at a record store.
Similarly, editors of the big daily papers and
the newsweekly magazines know what makes a
good cartoon: they post them on their walls and
in their cubicles. What they run in their publica-
tions, on the other hand, is what we cartoonists
constantly refer to as the worst of the worst:
dull clichs, hackneyed metaphors, idiotic gags
about the news reminiscent of Jay Lenos mid-
dle of the road comedy style. Theyre safe. They
dont anger readers. But they dont matter.
Peruse the highest profile venues--USA
Today, Newsweek, Time, the New York Times
Week In Review section--and youd never
guess that there were entire genres of cartoon-
ing going unrepresented. Draw in more than one
or two panels, and youd might as well chuck
your scribbles down George Orwells memory
hole. And God forbid if you express an actual
opinion!
Out of notice of the Pulitzer Prize commit-
tee, cartoonists at alternative weekly
newspapers--a genre which into its
own during the 1980s--became the
front line of criticism of the Bush
Administration after 9/11, when the
mainstream media was still swallow-
ing every White House press release
hook, line and WMD. Staff cartoon-
ists at family-owned independent
dailies change hearts and minds by
viciously skewering local and state
politicians and their policies, yet languish in
obscurity.
Even cartoonists whose work make the big
round-ups complain that their hardest-hitting
cartoons are repeatedly passed over in favor
of material so bland a reader would be hard-
pressed to know whether its creator was liberal
or conservative.
Too much editorial cartooning today is
opinion-free gag writing--uninformed, unen-
lightened, largely unconscious, says Joel Pett
of the Lexington Herald-Leader. Newspapers,
says Signe Wilkinson of the Philadelphia Daily
News, encourage bland, gag-oriented car-
toons rather than hard-hitting ones. Pett and
Wilkinson, both Pulitzer winners who served
as AAEC president, have been rebuffed when
theyve drawn editorial attention to cartoon-
ists complaints. The Times even redesigned its
cartoon section to appear next to quotes by such
late-night comedians asJay Leno.
Times editor Katy Roberts snide 2007
response to these complaints was typical. Most
readers dont know this, she wrote, but a whole
subculture out there is permanently aflame over
the syndicated cartoons chosen by us and other
national publications like NewsweekThe
complaint is that we like cartoons to be funny
and witty.
Not at all. The trouble with the Times
selections is that they are bad. They are not
funny. They are not smart. They express no
opinions, no thoughts, few insights. If these are
the nations best cartoons, readers conclude,
cartoons arent worth reading.
Oh, and: Subculture?
For a long time, cartoonists were happy just
to have a shot at appearing in prominent outlets
like the Times and Newsweek. In recent years,
however, many have concluded that elevating
lameness is self-perpetuating and destructive.
It justifies decisions to lay off cartoonists,
including those who do great work. Imagine
if the Oscars were repeatedly awarded not just
to films that werent the best of the year, nor
to films that werent that great, but to total
turkeys. Filmmakers would be up in arms, and
rightly so.
Newspapers are under financial stress. But
they wont survive by selling a diet of bland
and boring to consumers who have more infor-
mation options than ever before. Refusing to
embrace what was cool and relevant in the 70s
set the stage for the death of music radio in the
80s and 90s--supplanted by news talk and sat-
ellite. Whether its cartoons or music reviews or
political analysis, playing it safe is suicide.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
ted rall
SUICIDE VIA COMFORMITY
How Top Newspapers Are Killing Editorial Cartooning
CriMe WatCh
29201
Purse snatching reached a new low last week
when a man lifted a womans handbag while
she was visiting her husband in the intensive
care unit at Palmetto Health Richland Hospi-
tal. Disgusted witnesses actually ran the jerk
down and physically restrained him until se-
curity arrived.
3300 block, Harden St.
29201
Across town, staff at Palmetto Health Baptist
Hospital had their hands full with a visitor who
reportedly stuffed her purse with seven crys-
tal trinkets from the gift shop. Considering
the lack of a black market for crystal unicorns,
chances are shes just a rabid collector.
1300 block, Sumter St.
29201
There was heartbreak in the Vista when a local
playboy picking up on two ladies in a bar, de-
cided to pick up and leave with their purses in-
stead. But the smooth operator may still meet
a rough end: the girls had a cell phone photo
of him, which they turned over to police.
900 block, Lady St.
29203
A Columbia woman has asked police to help
her fnd her missing hooptie. According to an
incident report, the car was not working but
did have 20 inch rims. The woman initially
suspected a title loan company repossessed
the car after she missed a payment, but police
could fnd no tow company that had towed it.
5800 block, McKay St.
29203
With the price of health insurance what it is
today, one enterprising hospital patient sim-
ply demanded that an attending nurse open
several boxes so he could take some stuff.
The man reportedly stuffed his pockets with
gauze, tape, Rhino Rockets brand nasal
sponges and a Woods lamp before feeing the
grounds. Considering the supplies taken, the
suspect likely has dermatological issues and
is prone to nosebleeds, so most area nerds
should be considered persons of interest.
5 Medical Pkwy
29203
For the second time in a manner of months, a
homeowner has reported a burglary in which
only a Sony Play Station 3 video game con-
sole and sports games were stolen. In a case
last week, the intruder made off with NFL 09
and NBA 2K9 in addition to the game con-
sole. To add insult to injury, the burglar report-
edly stole a pillowcase off the bed to haul the
loot more easily.
5200 block, N. Main
29204
A victim who got bicycle-jacked in front of
a Family Dollar said his assailant threatened
him with an unknown brown object that he
pulled from his pocket. Whatever the brown
thing was, it must have been scary enough for
the guy to give up his ride.
2300 block, Taylor St.
29205
Police on patrol discovered an alarm going off
at a convenience store and called the stores
owner for further investigation. The owner
later confrmed that $3,600 in scratch- off
lottery tickets had been stolen. On the bright
side, authorities can simply trace the ticket
numbers, so the two crooks luck will likely
run out soon enough.
3100 block, Beltline Blvd.
29205
A 20-year-old woman told police she was
standing with her dog in her driveway near
Five Points last week, when she was sud-
denly hit from behind by two male attackers.
One continued beating her, according to po-
lice, while the other rifed through her pock-
ets and took her cash before the two fed on
foot. (Gotta say: No treats for you, dog! You
kinda dropped the ball on that one, dont you
think?)
2200 block, Lee St.
29209
As if traffc on Garners Ferry Road isnt hor-
rible enough, a Columbia woman told police
that two men in a car began to curse her and
make threatening gestures in an apparent ft
of road rage. One of the men reportedly threw
an unknown object and dented her fender. But,
her passenger stayed cool enough to get their
tag numbers at least.
7200 block, Garners Ferry Rd
29209
A woman who regularly bolts on her restau-
rant bills fnally faced revenge (served cold).
Ruby Tuesdays customers recognized the
woman and said they had witnesses her re-
cently run out on her bill at a Five Points res-
taurant. They advised managers to have police
on standby and when she attempted to bolt on
the check, offcers were waiting in the parking
where she got her just desserts.
4600 block, Devine St.
Mr. Meaners
Compiled by Todd Morehead
Subjects are innocent until proven guilty, this is not a court of law
9 MarCh 12, 2009
Dont Panic!
YOUR WAR QUESTIONS ANSWERED
BY ANDISHEH NOURAEE
The El Paso, Texas/Jurez, Mexico
metropolitan area has a long history of
violence.
I should know.
For it was out in the west Texas town
of El Paso that I was gunned down by
several cowboys. They were avenging my
shooting of a dashing young stranger in
nearby Roses Cantina. Wild as the west
Texas wind he was, he challenged me
for the love of wicked Feleena, an evil
Mexican maiden whose eyes were as black
as night.
Prior to that, the area was a battle-
ground for several competing civilizations.
The Spanish took the place from Pueblo
Native Americans. After Mexico became
independent, an expansion-crazed U.S.
swooped in. The U.S.-imposed Treaty of
Guadalupe Hidalgo forced Mexico to sur-
render all land north of the Rio Grande
River. For 160 years, the Rio Grande has
been an international border dividing the
El Paso/Jurez metroplex in two.
El Paso is much safer today than it was
back when I was a singing gunfighter. In
2007, El Paso was the second-safest large
city in the U.S after Honolulu. Its not a
fair comparison, though. Honolulu has Dog
The Bounty Hunter.
But just south of the border, down
Mexico way, El Pasos conjoined-twin-
city Jurez, is experiencing an astonishing
surge in violence.
1,800 people were murdered in Jurez
last year. Fox News says regular folk in
Jurez are more than three-times as likely
to be murdered as regular folk in Baghdad.
If Fox says it, its got to be true.
So why has Jurez turned into
Hellamundo-on-the-Rio Grande, a
Problemo Gigante on our southern flank?
The answer is drugs. Or, if you prefer
all-caps, DRUGS!
Northern Mexico is a narco-war zone.
Ruthless Mexican drug gangs are compet-
ing for smuggling routes into U.S. Millions
of innocent civilians, police officers, and
soldiers in Mexico are in the crossfire.
These drug gangs are notorious for kill-
ing anyone who publicly criticizes them, so
before I write anything else, I just want to
say that the Andisheh Nouraee who shows
up in the white pages with an address
in Decatur, Georgia is a totally different
Andisheh Nouraee than the one who writes
this column. Please dont kill him. I beg
you.
So far, the overwhelming majority of
drug-smuggling related violence is on the
Mexican side. If you think about it, it
makes perfect sense. The border entering
the U.S. is the tightest bottleneck on the
drug supply route between the U.S. and
Mexico. The violence has surged as the
border has gotten tighter since 9/11.
If one can assert control over Jurezs
drug funnelling infrastructure everything
from safe houses to tunnels to crooked
public officials one can collect gazillions
of dollars in shipping and handling fees.
U.S. coverage of the violence in
Mexico has, predictably, focused on the
fear that the violence may soon spill over
the border into the U.S.
For the most part, that hasnt happened.
Though there have been many high-profile
instances of Mexican drug gangs causing
problems in regional drug-shipping hubs
like Phoenix and Atlanta, theres no evi-
dence yet to indicate a Mexican-cartel-led
surge in violent crime in the U.S.
Instead of worrying about how
Mexicos mess might affect us, we would
be better off owning up to how our policies
are contributing to the horrible violence in
Mexico.
The illegal drug trade would not be as
lucrative, or nearly as deadly, if American
consumers didnt have such an enormous
appetite for coke, pot and meth.
Northern Mexico is more violent than
Baghdad because Americans simultane-
ous demand drugs while demanding they
be illegal. Prohibition mixed with high
demand means huge profits for drug deal-
ers.
To top it all off, 95% of the recovered
weapons used in Mexican drug killings last
year were traced by the U.S. government
to U.S. sellers. Not only are we funding
the drug violence without our vices, were
arming it, too.
Just like our War On Terror, our
War On Drugs produces fat profits for a
handful of assholes, and danger, death and
misery for pretty much everyone else.
Comments? Dime bag? andy@andy2000.org
Is Mexicos drug war a threat to U.S. national security?
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MarCh 12, 2009
Navigating the seas of a struggling economy
is proving diffcult for alternative weekly comic
strips. Alternative weekly publications across
the nation are abandoning the strips in favor of
ad space in order to stay in business. As these
artists contemplate the possible twilight of their
art form, their alternatives for print-publication
are diminishing.
The 1980s saw the rise of alternative weekly
papers and of alternative weekly comic strips
such as Dan Perkins Tom Tomorrow and The
Simpsons creator Matt Groenings Life In Hell.
At that time cartoonists like these and their peers
enjoyed both the revenue and exposure that
weeklies provided them. The pendulum of cre-
ativity seemed at full swing and the political and
cultural arena was fertile land on which these
artists could explore new and compelling ways
to express their ideas.
Midway through the current decade, how-
ever, cartoonists began to notice a trend: their
strips were being dropped and their client lists
began to stagnate or decrease in number.
In a phone interview on March 8, Ted Rall,
President of the Association of American Edito-
rial Cartoonists and author of comic strip Ted
Rall says many alt weekly cartoonists are wor-
ried that their careers may be cut short before
they reach their prime.
Cancellations started to come in around
2006 as more of a trickle, but you kind of notice
it, Rall says. The trend is kind of like the op-
posite of daily comics that start out fresh and
over the course of 365 days, the cartoonists get
burned out. Ten years later, the comic is barely
worth reading. Theres exceptions but thats
usually the pattern. With alternative weekly pa-
pers, its different. Cartoonists pace themselves
and they tend to get better as they get older. So,
weve all been kind of accustomed to see our
client lists increase over the years but then sud-
denly just notice a negative trend.
Just this year Village Voice Media, pub-
lisher of the Village Voice and fourteen other
alternative weekly newspapers across the na-
tion, dropped their comic strips which included
strips like Tom Tomorrow and Life Is Hell. The
choice to drop these comics, as in most cases, is
typically not due to the quality or content of the
comic strip, but to the papers need for ad space.
The papers are free and are only able to remain
so through advertising sales.
David Rees, who formerly authored the strip
Get Your War On stated, I think its a shame
that alt-weeklies are dropping comics. I think
comics go a long way towards defning the po-
litical tone of alt weeklies, as well as their sense
of humor.
However, some cartoonists, like Ted Rall,
understand where loss of revenue for the papers
is also a valid factor.
Its really about the lost revenue for the al-
ternative weekly papers. And recently the onset
of the current depression has led to blood in the
streets, Rall says. Its gotten really ugly in the
last year.
If alternative weekly papers are working
with less revenue from ad sales, then it follows
that cartoonists in these papers are losing rev-
enue as well.
Financially, of course, Im making a lot less
money than I used to make. Its been devastat-
ing, really, Rall said.
Fortunately, not all cartoonists were hit too
hard.
In the time when I was actively publish-
ing, stated Nicholas Gurewitch, author of The
Perry Bible Fellowship comic strip, I lost only
a few clients.
Financial loss, however, is not the only fac-
tor affecting cartoonists. They can become
creatively challenged as well in the current eco-
nomic climate.
Creatively, there is a tendency to make you
more conservative - not necessarily politically
conservative, but more artistically conserva-
tive, Rall says. For example this wouldnt be
the time to start experimenting with a new draw-
ing style or think about reinventing your entire
approach to cartooning, which Ive done several
times over the years. I think that is necessary to
change and evolve but this would probably not
be the time to make a move like that because you
dont want to stick your head out.
While alternative weekly print publications
are the premiere medium for many cartoonists,
other cartoonists and their fans have turned to
the Internet to assuage their love of comic strips.
There appears to be a divide, though, as to the
beneft the Internet offers to the cartoonists
themselves.
Gurewitch believes the Internet is a viable
medium. People love t-shirts, he says. My
major source of revenue is sales from the book,
a lot of them through Amazon.com.
Ted Rall has a different perspective.
No cartoonist is making any signifcant
revenues on the Internet, he says. Thats just a
plain fact. Theres been a real build it and they
will come attitude and weve all built Web sites,
many of us blog, we sell banner ads, merchan-
dise we do all those things. The Internet is a
cool promotional device but, ironically, it really
just costs us money.
The Web does give cartoonists exposure, he
says. But, the problem with cartooning in gen-
eral and political cartooning in particular is that
there is no way to monetize that exposure.
The situation could change and everyone is
hoping something will change but right now I
think what youre seeing is a system that only
benefts Google and Yahoo and it doesnt beneft
the creators and thats not just in the cartooning
but in all the creative arts, Rall says. Consider
music, you cant really make any money now
just being a fairly popular band. If you have a
good stage show you may be able to go on tour
but you cant make money just selling CDs. You
cant be the Alan Parsons project and refuse to
tour.
With weakening revenue streams for weekly
papers and their comic strip authors, it appears
that some solution is necessary, one that would
keep alternative weekly newspapers afoat while
also retaining their ability to publish comic
strips. As the only reason for the cancelation of
many of the strips is fnancial and not contex-
tual, perhaps a meeting of the minds is in order.
Nicholas Gurewitch provided some sugges-
tions for alternative publications. Publish the
comics larger. Make the paper medium more
special than the Web medium. Opt for exclu-
sives and dont try to compete with the Web.
Supplement the Web.
Rall believes the door of communication be-
tween editors and cartoonists could be opened
wider and that alternative weekly Web sites
could be improved with the addition of comic
strips, as well. Sites like Salon.com and Slate.
com have had a lot of success with adding car-
toons to their online content, he says.
Im guessing that the editors want us to
make them smaller, he adds. The bottom line,
though, is that if people dont have money for
space, then they arent going to be able to run
much of anything, whether cartoons or long fea-
ture pieces or investigative journalism or really
anything.
The future of alternative weekly comic strips
relies on more than just a meeting of the minds
between editors and cartoonists, but on some-
thing that has affected the country as a whole:
the sagging economy. There is hope that alter-
native weekly comic strips and newspapers in
generalwill make a comeback as soon as the
economy improves. The fear, however, is that
they wont.
Anyone whos had a weekly running dur-
ing the pre-collapse period, knows that cartoons
are very popular and for the most part I think
they will bring them back. Even dailies have
been laying off their staff cartoonists. I think
they will also come back even though they dont
understand cartoons as well as the weeklies do.
The big concern is that the economy is not going
to turn around, Rall says.
David Rees, for his part, believes the golden
age of alt weekly cartoons may have already
passed. I think it was the early to mid 1990s,
when money fell from trees and every town had
an alt-weekly. At least, thats how I imagine it.
With so many factors involved in the surviv-
al of alternative weekly comics in print form, the
future does seem to offer little hope. Readers
and fans of these strips, however, can offer their
support by writing to their alternative weekly
newspapers to laud their inclusion of the strips
(or condemn their cancelations). Its a drop in
the pond but it sends a clear message, a mes-
sage that cartoonists nationwide hope their read-
ers will relay. In tough economic and political
times, the commentary that these comic strips
provide seems just the thing to draw smiles and
laughs. Its sad, though, that witnessing what
could be the temporary disappearance of this art
form does anything but that.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
FINANCIALLY, OF COURSE, IM MAKING A LOT LESS MONEY THAN
I USED TO MAKE. ITS BEEN DEVASTATING, REALLY -TED RALL
13
MarCh 12, 2009
14
MarCh 12, 2009
THURSDAY
MARCH 12

New Brookland Tavern
Savage Brothers
Planet X
Point Blank
Utopia
Wendell Mathews
Jody Creel
Township Auditorium
Ryan Adams

Wild Wing Caf - Vista
Wrong Way

FRIDAY
MARCH 13

Headliners
The Magnetic Flowers
The Naked Gods
Macs on Main
Fatback & the Groove Band
New Brookland Tavern
Nick Bays Friends & Romans
Kill Anties
Chris Brushwood
Santee Ave
This Machine is Me
Deleveled
The Black Bottom Biscuits
Shallow Palace
Mud Fish
The Reason Youre Listening.

Sudworks Taphouse
Pheonix Revolution

Wild Wing Caf - Vista
Plane Jane

SATURDAY
MARCH 14

Five Points
See Page 5
Art Bar
Rum, Sodomy, & The Lash

Headliners
Obraskai
The Starseed Project
Deleveled
Wicked Jones

Macs on Main
Electric Voodoo Band

Utopia
Marys Little Sister
Wet Willies
James McLean Band

Wild Wing Caf - Vista
Villanova

SUNDAY
MARCH 15
New Brookland Tavern
The A.K.A.s
Bluetile Skate Shop Film
Hate Your Friends
Cats And Cobras

TUESDAY
MARCH 17
Headliners
The Pat McGee Band
The Benjy Davis Project
New Brookland Tavern
Charlie Duncan
Sounds Of Suburbia
Living Rheum
The Bereans

WEDNESDAY
MARCH 18

New Brookland Tavern
Sent By Ravens
The Valkyrie
Transmit Now
Tomorrows Horizon
Cherry Case

Sudworks Taphouse
Chronicles of the Landsquid
Elliot Lipp Bitch Please
M.O. Theory

Utopia
Jellyroll
Delicious Dish

THURSDAY
MARCH 19

New Brookland Tavern
Toro y Moi
Hello Tomorrow
Sweet Vans
The Artichokes
Utopia
Jody Creel
Patti Ficken

Wild Wing Caf - Vista
Tokyo Joe

FRIDAY
MARCH 20
Headliners
Hannah Miller And The
Misadventures
The Brisbones
Macs on Main
Natural Desire Band & Show
New Brookland Tavern
Another Hero Falls
Blindsyght
One Way Out
Nothing In Between
Sudworks Taphouse
The Essentials

Wild Wing Caf - Vista
Hot Sauce

SATURDAY
MARCH 21

Art Bar
From The Land
Telltale

Macs on Main
The Soul Patrol

Headliners
Dearanna
Greedy White Citizens
Gollum
Decadence

Sudworks Taphouse
Yo Mamas Big Fat Booty Band

Utopia
JOuvert Steel Drum Band

Wild Wing Caf - Vista
U-Phonik

WEDNESDAY
MARCH 25

Utopia
The Papa String Band
Todd Cecil

Sudworks Taphouse
Thee Mad Frogs

THURSDAY
MARCH 26

Utopia
Chris Compton

Wild Wing Caf - Vista
Mighty McFly
FRIDAY
MARCH 27
Art Bar
Columbia Alternacirque
Macs on Main
Tommy O.D. & the Survivors
Utopia
Reggae Infnity
Sudworks Taphouse
Matt Stillwell
Township Auditorium
Rodney Carrington
Wild Wing Caf - Vista
Stone Cold Fox
SATURDAY
MARCH 28
Art Bar
Twilight Armada
The Drownout
The Fire Tonight
Ghost of FDR
Headliners
Blizzard Of Ozzy
Back In Black
Macs on Main
Mattie Phiffer
The 2nd Annual Columbias
Hottest Tattoo Contest will be held
on Saturday, March 21 at Headliners
Mainstage in the Vista. This years
event, hosted by the South Carolina
chapter of The Gypsy Queens, will
have judging in eight categories and
will also include a best overall
tattoo. Columbias own Dear Anna
will headline the entertainment along
with Greedy White Citizen, Rotten
Records recording artist Gollum, and
Decadence. Cover is $10 with doors
opening and judging beginning at 7
p.m. Last years event drew over 600
people so get there early! Prizes,
raffes, drink specials, tattooed trophy
girls and good times abound!
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
15 MarCh 12, 2009
EDITORIAL BY JUDIT TRUNKOS
Behind the iconic Hope image of Barack
Obama that recently graced the cover of Time
magazine is a young Charleston native street
artist named Frank Shepard Fairey. Fairey frst
gained notoriety with his Andr the Giant Has a
Posse sticker campaign spread by the skateboard
community in the late-Eighties, a campaign that
later evolved into the Obey Giant campaign,
which has grown via an international network
of collaborators replicating Faireys original
designs with spray paint and stencils.
Today, Faireys most known work is without
a doubt President Obamas Hope poster. Yet,
South Carolinas most famous homegrown
contemporary artist is not only being heavily
criticized for his graffti art by critics and
property owners, he is also being sued by the
Associated Press for using a copyrighted photo
as the inspiration for his Obama print.
Fairey claims that his image is protected
under fair use law. The photographer, Mannie
Garcia, told the New York Times that while he
does believe he retains the copyright for the
photo, he is proud that his photo was rendered
into the iconic image. Both sides have said they
hope to reach an amicable agreement. Fairey,
meanwhile, has fled a countersuit against the
AP, pushing for a declaratory judgment.
On the home front, a blog associated with
the Carolina Arts Web site calls Fairey a
vandal for his style of graffti art and lauded
Faireys recent arrest on vandalism charges in
Boston.
But is Fairey a vandal or an artist? To
some, graffti is an art form worthy of display
in galleries and exhibitions. If an artist uses
public property as a canvas with the intention
of creating art and not with the intention to
simply vandalize, arguably the work should be
celebrated as art (if begrudgingly by the property
owner). Most sophisticated and art-educated
people would be proud to live in buildings
decorated by Shepard Fairey.
Questions surrounding fair use and graffti
art aside, the litigants pressing charges and fling
suit against Fairey should at least appreciate the
fact that he increased the value of their property
with his work.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
Arts
FAIREYS HOPE
THE CAROLINA ARTS WEB SITE CALLS FAIREY
A VANDAL FOR HIS STYLE OF GRAFFITI ART AND
LAUDED FAIREYS RECENT ARREST
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17 MarCh 12, 2009
Love
Savage
Sex advice column
by Dan Savage
Recently, I celebrated my first year of marriage
to the most amazing man. When we first began dat-
ing, he told me that he enjoys open sexuality and
wants swinging to be part of any partnership hes
in. I regard myself as free-spirited and agreed to
explore this with him. We delayed experimentation
because I had a stressful job and I wanted to spend
my limited free time with him instead of exploring
our sexuality with multiple partners. My work situa-
tion changed, and we have since had about a dozen
experiences in the past year. I have discovered
that these situations are not a turn-on for mein
fact, they are a turnoff. I feel resentful after these
episodes, and I dont feel like having sex for days.
We have discussed this at length, and we have been
seeing a counselor. Recently, we had a civil discus-
sion wherein we discussed the possibility of him
having these sexual experiences without me, since
I do not find them compelling. This idea appealed
to him. He proposed going to a sex party alone that
very night.
Ever since then, I have been crushed by the
prospect of my husband having a sex life outside of
our relationship. Since we met, his sexuality has had
an outward trajectory, rather than being relation-
ship centered. Having a healthy sexual relationship
with him is enough for me. He makes a good point
that he has been straight about his desire for this
lifestyle since day one, but I am still frustrated and
horrified that my husband needs to have sex outside
of our marriage. I cant help but feel hurt that I
alone am not enough for him.
Id appreciate your straight, honest feedback
on this.
Sex Best One On One
Straight, honest feedback: You are an idiot.
Your husband informed you in advance about the
outward trajectory of his sexuality; you knew
going in that your husband could never be satisfied
in a marriage that didnt involve open sexual-
ity and swinging. Dont come crying to me now
because the man you married wants to actually
have sex with other people. You knew that before
you married him, SBOOO, because he fucking told
you so.
Youre unlikely to encounter a marriage coun-
selor wholl take your husbands side (nonmonoga-
my? boo!) over yours (monogamy? yay!), SBOOO,
so Im going to aggressively come to his defense:
Youre never going to convince your husband that
one-on-one ought to be enough for him. Sorry.
Youre also going to have a hard time convincing
him that you didnt deceive him in the run-up to
this marriage. When he told you that monogamy
was a deal breaker, SBOOO, you replied that you
were free-spirited and willing to explore. But,
alas, circumstances beyond your control prevented
you from embarking on any explorations until after
the wedding, and only thenonly after he married
youdid you discover that your husbands sexual
interests both frustrated and horrified.
How convenient.
Because if youd been a little less stressed at
work, SBOOO, maybe you couldve made time
for a little swinging before the wedding. Then you
mightve learned that nonmonogamy wasnt for you
and been able to give this amazing man that informa-
tion before he married your ass. Oh, but your work
schedule didnt allow for premarital explorations,
and now this amazing man has to decide whether
to go through the hell of a divorceknowing full
well that he will be seen as the bad guy by all your
relatives and friends, and 99.99 percent of marriage
counselorsor give in to your emotional, sexual,
and financial blackmail.
Want more evidence that you werent nego-
tiating with your husband in good faith before the
wedding, SBOOO? How about this: You arent
negotiating with him in good faith now. So you
recently had a civil discussion with him about the
possibility of his going to sex parties alonehow
many uncivil discussions have you had?but then
you were crushed when he wanted to take you up on
this proposed compromise. So once again he wants
to fuck around, once again you agree to his fucking
around in principle, once again he proposes fucking
around in earnest, and once again you lose your
shitonly this time you go boohooing to an advice
columnist and not a marriage counselor.
Sorry, SBOOO, you picked the wrong colum-
nist. You want and always wanted a monogamous
commitment. Free spirit, my ass. You aresur-
prise!sexually incompatible. Divorce. Get it over
with.
Im a male with submissive tendencies, and my
wife decides when I get to orgasm. We have sex reg-
ularly, but she only lets me ejaculate occasionally.
She finds that Im more attentive to her now that
were doing orgasm denial, and I get to scratch
my submissive itch. Aint life grand?
Heres my question: I enjoy pushing the limits,
and Ive gone as long as six weeks without release.
(We use a CB-6000 chastity cage on my cock so I
wont succumb in a moment of weakness.) But Im
a little concerned about the effects on my prostate.
After several weeks of denial, I leak pre-come when
aroused. Ive read that recent studies showed that
frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate
cancer. Am I putting myself at greater risk by ejacu-
lating so infrequently? Can you ask your medical
expert?
Loving Orgasms And Denial Every Day
Two orgasm-denial questions in two weeks
its officially a trend! Can a Good Morning America
segment be far behind?
We still have very little idea what might cause
or prevent prostate cancer, says Dr. Barak Gaster,
associate professor of medicine at the University
of Washington and our resident medical expert.
There are some cluesred meat, probably bad;
vegetables, probably good; vitamin E, probably not
helpfulbut were really still in the dark. And
while most studies have shown frequent ejaculation
to be good for prostate health, one recent study out
of the UK showed the exact opposite.
So what should you do? Rely on the best-avail-
able study, advises Gaster. [That study] followed
U.S. men for eight years and found that those with
the most ejaculations per month (more than 20) had
a 30 percent lower risk of prostate cancer compared
to those who were having fewer per month (about
five). But there is good news in the study for you,
LOADED: The 5 percent of men who reported
having zero to three per month appeared to have a
lower risk for prostate cancer as well, said Gaster.
The caveat is that this group was too small to make
definite conclusions about them. But it looks like
coming more than 20 times a month could be good
for you in terms of prostate cancer, but its unlikely
that coming very little, like zero to three times per
month, is necessarily bad for you compared to com-
ing once or twice a week.
So ejaculate frequently, guys, or ejaculate
rarely, because it would appear that moderation in
JONESIN CROSSWORDS
across
1 Scorch
5 ___ a Liar (song by the Bee
Gees)
8 Dana, a.k.a. Queen Latifah
13 Otello baritone
14 That objeto
15 Lopsided
16 Dessert made with ladyfingers
18 Like some labor
19 Like the coolest celebrity chemist
in the world?
21 Covered in frost
22 Some CFCs
23 Greens used for bra-stuffing?
27 Up and about
28 Mike Tysons Punch-Out!! vic-
tories, briefly
29 ___ Jong Il
32 Detroit : Michigander :: Salt Lake
City : ___
33 A.M.A. members
34 U.K. indie band named for a Soviet
space dog
36 Solaris author Stanislaw
37 Life sentences?
38 More like dishwater?
39 Equus character Alan transforms
to become useful to a lumberjack?
42 Cry on the set
44 Colorful desktop computer
45 Boozed it up with skeezy inten-
tions?
49 Word after dirty or strawberry
50 Like slot machines, so to speak
52 Combatant with a saber
53 2000s caffeinated offshoot of 7
Up
54 Concert mementos
55 Fast food restaurant fixture
56 Close female relative
57 Worlds Fair kin
down
1 Op. ___ (footnote abbr.)
2 It can be spiked or set, but not
bumped
3 Indian tourist city
4 Scrapes from a motorcycle spill
5 Trophy for Sam Bradford, in 2008
6 Thoughtful pieces
7 Hot Buttered ___ (1969 Isaac
Hayes album)
8 Hold on a bit...
9 Proceeded as planned
10 Aquafina rival
11 Gets warmer
12 Show that released the edited ver-
sion of Im on a Boat, for short
15 Dark parts of sunspots
17 She may be fair
20 Dos in a blaxploitation film
23 Author Bellow
24 Commedia dell___
25 Neeson of Kinsey
26 Its nickname is Rubber City
29 Place for a firing
30 Furniture retailer with a blue and
yellow logo
31 Chico, e.g.
33 Prince who doubles as Wonder
Woman
34 Zambias capital
35 Menu type
37 Commodity negotiator
38 Distressed women?
39 Golf lesson topic
40 Fire-starting need
41 Late designer Versace
42 Freud contemporary
43 Friend that goes way back
46 Puts in grass
47 Santa Fes st.
48 Hoard
49 Pal til the end, for short
51 Brit. honor
2009 Jonesin Crosswords (edi-
tor@jonesincrosswords.com)
For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-
900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute.
Must be 18+. Or to bill to
your credit card, call: 1-800-655-
6548. Reference puzzle #0405
Earning All As--good grades, good grief.
18
MarCh 12, 2009
su|do|ku
SavannahS
GenTlemanS CluB
Now hiring all positions
Bartenders
Floor/door hosts
Cocktail servers
Flexible schedules
803-779-0000
adverTisiNg reps
EARN UP TO 20%
Commission paid upon col-
lections. There is money to be
made by a serious sales repre-
sentative with prior media expe-
rience. email resume to paul@
columbiacitypaper.com
macaws for adoption
Much to our dismay, our daugh-
ter has developed an allergy to
our beloved pair of macaw, Cal-
vin and kittySo they have to fnd
a new home.They are, approx.
2.5 years old. likes to interact
with people, eats when youre
eating, likes to dance, can be
trained with enough love and at-
tention.
visit postlocal.com to re-
spond.
save a peT
PETS, Inc currently has over 80
dogs and cats that were either
abandoned the past two month,
or who have been languishing
for too long in our kennels and
catteries. We are looking for
caring sponsors to contribute
$50 to $100 towards their adop-
tion. These dogs and cats have
had complete veterinary care
including spaying or neutering
and all necessary vac-
cinations. All dogs are
microchipped.
Although we con-
tinue to have plenty
of visitors every day
and night coming to
see the animals, our
adoptions are down
and we attribute this to
the troubled economy.
There are people who
want to adopt but just
cant afford it right
now. We dont want to
keep a good adoption
from happening. With
sponsorships, our pro-
gram, Give a Shelter
Animal a Home will
provide adoptions for
just $25.00 to qualifed
adopters.
We are asking local
businesses and people
to take part in this with
$50 or $100 sponsor-
ships. (Two days ago
Palmetto Shelving
gave a hefty donation
to get this Christmas
program off to a good
start, and so far weve
placed four pets in new homes.)
The businesses and/or people
sponsoring this program will be
featured on our website along
with pictures of the animals be-
ing sponsored. For more infor-
mation please review our web-
site at www.petsinc.org or e-mail
PETS, Inc at info@petsinc.org.,
You can also call the Shelter and
Adoption Center at 739-9333 for
more information
posT ads Free aT
posTLoCaL.CoM
employment
19 MarCh 12, 2009
For sale
Dear Readers: Before we
move on to your picante pre-
guntas (well, one, anyway), a
bit of housecleaning. About the
word pinche: Many of ustedes
offered alternate meanings to
this Mexican Spanish vulgar-
ity beyond cooking assistant
and fucking in the adverbial
sense. From our Puerto Rican
brothers:
In Puerto Rico, pinche
is simply the term used for a
wooden clothespin. There is
no negative connotation of the
word on the island.
From a gabacho married
to a Colombian chica:
When my in-laws were in recently, my suegri-
ta saw us drinking margaritas from our own mar-
garita glasses. Que pinches, she said, and our
mouths dropped. But according to my mother-in-
law, in Colombia, that phrase and the adjective
pinchado just mean that one is putting on airs.
Next is my pal Tigrillo, a proud Mexi grad of
Princeton University, voicing something echoed
by many other tejanos who wrote in:
In south Texas, they use pinche to refer to
people being tight with their money. Kind of weird,
since so many folk in south Texas have roots in
Monterrey, the supposed land of the codos. I think
that meaning of pinche is Tex-Mex, and I have
never heard it used similarly elsewhere.
Something for the Spanish-speaking readers
of this column. (Oh, my god: the Reconquista has
even hit Ask a Mexican!)
Soyun nostlgico ex-neoyorquino que ahora
vive en Chilangolandia. Leyendo la respuesta que
diste al uso de pinche, pienso que no puedes decir
Pinche! a secas, porque adems de adverbio
es un adjetivo que necesita califcar a un nom-
bre (adverbios se convierten en adjetivos, es mi
punto). Tienes que decir, como le explicaste al
gabacho: Pinche gringo culero! o Pinche
gey! como decimos mucho aqu en Mexico
City. Tambin decimos mucho: Eso est muy
pinche, para determinar la mala calidad o mal
gusto de cualquier cosa. Y qu tal el superlativo
pinchsimo? Tambin se debe incluir como adje-
tivo, no?: Esa pelcula estuvo pinchsima! es
una gran palabra y por supuesto
es muy buena traduccin para
fucking. Me gusta particular-
mente: Fucking bitch! Pero
no por misgino, sino porque
suena tan bien como Pinche
puta!
The fnal word goes to a ga-
bacho living in Mexico:
Actually, Mexican, here in
Sinaloa, pinche is a pretty mild
word, more like your (and mine
for years) defnition, worth-
less. Commonly used by la
gente educada y religiosa,
pinche just doesnt have that
connotation of fucking that it
seems to have gained from you
pinche wabs y Chicanos in the borderlands and
in the U.S.
One qualifer to the Mexicanized gabacho:
He lives in Sinaloa, a Pacifc coastal state notori-
ous for its tough, vulgar residents. Need proof?
This is where most of Mexicos drugs lords origi-
nateand now, I shut up.
Dear Mexican: Have you seen the Simpsons
fgurines from Kid Robot? The Bumblebee Man
is the hardest to get, therefore the most valuable
of the bunch. Ive seen it on eBay going for $75,
when they cost seven bucks in the store. You think
Matt Groening did this on purpose cause he re-
ally does love the Mexicans, or you think it was
just a funny character and a funny coincidence?
Seora Ding Dong
Dear Wabette: Of course Groening loves
Mexicans, and not just because he freely admits
that the legendary Mexican superhero El Chapuln
Colorado (The Red Grasshopper) inspired Bum-
blebee Man. As I argue in an essay included in my
Ask a Mexican! compilation, The Simpsons is
the most-Latino show ever to appear on English-
language television, one so wabby it makes The
George Lopez Show seem as gabacho as Friends.
Want a full explanation? Buy my book because
Im over the word count the gabachos give me!
Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net
ask a Mexican!
Alternate meanings to the Mexican Spanish vulgarity pinche
BY GUSTAVO ARELLANO
Kids iN
Free!