Session 9: Forgiving from the Heart

Focus verse: Matthew 18:34-35: In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay bak all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.

Objective: To recognise what forgiveness is and what it is now, and to learn how to forgive from the heart.

Focus truth: In order to experience our freedom in Christ, we need to relate to other people in the same way that God relates to us - on the basis of complete forgiveness and acceptance.

Leader's notes: Most Christians knows they should forgive but, in our experience, oct still have some unforgiveness. Some feel that what they have suffered is a 'special case'. Some are deceived into thinking that they have forgiven when in reality, all they have done is pressed the problem down and tried to ignore it. Some believe wrongly that they simply cannot forgive, or that they shouldn't forgive.

Most don't understand what forgiveness actually is and why we are instructed to do it. When this is properly explained, most choose to forgive from their hearts for the sake of their own freedom and relationship to God.

Some people believe the lie that they can't forgive. You may need to help them understand that this is a lie by showing them verses such as Philippians 4:13 and asking a question such as, 'Would God tell you to do something that is impossible?'

We recommend that at the need of this session you give people the opportunity to allow the Holy Spirit to show them if there are people they need to forgive and to indicate to God that they are willing to do so during the steps to freedom in Christ. This is very helpful for many - but do not make it a long drawn out time.

Worship: God's forgiveness of us Psalm 103:1-12, Hebrews 10:19-22

Word Introduction: What give Satan the greatest opportunity to defeat Christians? Occult activity? Cults and Sects? Sins of the flesh?

'If you forgive anyone I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven - if there was anything to forgive - I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order than Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.' 1 Corinthians 2:10-11 - the word 'schemes' is the Greek word 'norma' which is translated elsewhere as mind. and thought in 2 Co. 4:4,11:3 and 'thought' in 2 Cor. 10:5. It is interesting to note that this verse could just as well be translated 'we are not unaware of his thoughts'.

We will experience mental torment if we do not forgive from our hearts.

Nothing keeps you in bondage to the past more than an unwillingness to forgive. Nothing gives Satan greater opportunity to stop a church growing than roots of bitterness, the evidence of personal unforgiveness, and pride.

The need to forgive Think of the worst thing anybody ever did to you. (pause while people reflect, but don't ask anyone to share your thoughts)

Why should you forgive that? Lets look at the reasons.

It is required by God (Matthew 6:9-15)

This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on each as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts as awe also have forgiven our debtors.

When you pray, 'Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors' , you might not be asking for much. Your relationship with God is inextricably bound up with your relationship with other people. You really can't have a righteous relationships tim God in isolation from your relationships with other people. We must learn to relate to others on the same basis that God relates to us.

Jesus continues:

For is you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

We need to be careful not to apply this wrongly. God relates to us in two ways: as a judge and as a Father. Because you are in Christ your sings are forgiven and there is no longer any issue with God as judge - you are going to heaven if you have accepted Jesus as your Saviour. What is at stake, however, is your relationships tim God as Father. IF there are people whom you have not forgiven God won't let you be comfortable until you do. Your destiny is secure, but your daily victory is at stake.

It is essential for our freedom

The most definitive teaching on forgiveness is in Matthew 18:21 - 35

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy - seven times.' JEsus is not suggesting that you buy a pocket calculator and start ticking the occasions off until you reach 78, then get a gun and blow his brains out. He is saying that you just continue to forgive for your own sake. God doesn't want His children to languid in bitterness and be bound to the past.

The Extent Of Our Own Debt

'Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt'

We need to understand first of all the extent of our own debt to God. There is a story in Luke (7:36) where a Pharisee by the name of Simon threw a party and invited a lot of people, including Jesus. A woman who had lived a sinful life slipped in uninvited. She began to wash Jesus' feet with her tears, wipe them with her hair, anoint is feet with oil and kiss them repeatedly. This irritated Simon, who said, 'Well, if he were a prophet he would know what sort of woman she is. Jesus said 'Simon, I have something to say to you. Suppose someone had been forgiven a debt of 50 pounds and someone else 500, which one would love more? HE said, 'Well I suppose the one who had been forgiven 500 pounds. Jesus said, 'That's right. You see this woman. When I came to this house you didn't wash my feet; she's done it with her tears. You didn't greet me with a kiss. She hasn't stopped kissing my feet since I came. You didn't anoint feet with oil, but she has.'

Those who have been forgiven much love much. Those who have been forgiven little love little.

Pause For Thought 1: Do you sometimes feel that your sins weren't 'that bad' compared to others? How much have you been forgiven? Little or much?

We need to understand that our set is like filthy rags before God (Isaiah 64:6). Without Christ, we all stand condemned. We have all been forgiven much - and the knowledge of that affects our capacity to love others.

Repayment is impossible he should pay back

Ten thousand talents was a huge sum, way beyond a lifetime's earnings - a seven figure sum in today's terms. What JEsus is trying to show by using such a large amount is that repayment is not an option. So if this issue is to be resoled, another has to be found. Do you know that your debt to God was far too large for your to repay?

Mercy is required

The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything'. Justice is rightness or fairness. To administer justice is to give people what they deserve. God is just and cannot be unjust or unrighteous. If He gave us what we desired, we would all go to hell.

But God is also merciful and He found a way to forgive and accept us. The punishment we deserved fell on Christ. Mercy is not giving people what they deserved. We are told to be merciful to others as God has been merciful to us (Luke 6:36). In other words, we are not to give people what they deserve.

But we are to go even further in our relationships, to love one another and give people way they don't deserve. That's what grace is giving people what they don't deserve.

It all begins with the relationship that God has established with us: freely you had received, freely give (Matthew 10:8). We are to relate to other people in exactly the same way that God relates to us.

Read what the servant in the parable did (verse 28):

The servants master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go. Bu when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarrii.

A denarius is a day's wages - so this is three months' wages, to a trivial debt, though much less than the one he himself had been let off.

So That No Advantage Can Be Taken of You (2 Corinthians 2:10-11) He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. His fellow - servant fell to his knees and begged him 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. when the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said,' I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow - servant just as I had on you?' In

anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

'Torture' refers to spiritual torment in the New Testament. It is the same word the demon used in Mark 5:7 when it saids to Jesus, 'Swear to God that you won't torture me!'

Jesus finished by saying: This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. Jesus warns that, if you do not forgive from your heart, you will suffer some kind of spiritual torment. In other words, you are opening a door to the enemy's influence in your life.

What Does It Mean to Forgive From the Heart? It certainly doesn't mean being very 'British' and saying a quick 'I forgive so and so.' If we are truly going to forgive, we have to face the pain and the hate that we feel.

We recommend a formula: 'Lord, I choose to forgive (name the person) _________________ for (specifically what they did or failed to do) __________________ which made me feel (verbally tell the Lord every hurt and pain He brings to your mind) _________________'. We encourage people to stay with it until every remembered hurt has been put on the table. We have to let God lead us to the emotional core where the healing is going to take place.

Forgiveness Must Be Extended To Others (Ephesians 4:31-32). However, The Crisis is Only Between God and Us Jesus told us (Matthew 5:23,24) that if we go to church and remember that somebody has something against us, we should leave our offering and go to that person and be reconciled. We do this by confessing that we are wrong, asking for their forgiveness and making retribution if necessary. In other words, if you have offended someone else, go to that person.

It is the opposite if someone has offended you. don't go to the person go to God. Your need to forgive others is first and foremost an issue between yourself and God. afterwards you may or may not be reconciled to the other person but that doesn't depend fully on you. Your freedom does not depend upon others whom you have no right or ability to control.

We Forgive to Stop the Pain IT is for your sake that you forgive. 'But you don't know how much that hurt me.' Don't you see that they are still hurting you? How do you stop the pain? By forgiving.

Imagine a woman whose husband has left her for someone else. That is painful and we don't' want to trivialise it in any way. She might say, 'I'm not ready to forgive him.' She's effectively saying, 'By staying angry, I'm getting my own back on him.' He ex is probably travelling around the world, going to parties, having a good time. The fact that she is sitting there resentful, bitter and angry does hurt someone --- but not him: her!

It's like walking past a fisherman and getting snagged by a fish hook in your cheek. It wasn't your fault but you are connected to that other person and it hurts. How do you get rid of the pain? By leaving the hook in place? No. By taking it out! We think that by forgiving someone we let them off the hook - but by not forgiving them we stay hoped to the pain and the past. We're the ones with the hook in us!

Pause for thought 2 Naturally speaking, none of us would want to remember past hurts. Is it necessary to do so in order to genuinely forgive? Do you agree that the crisis of forgiveness is between you and God rather than between you and the other person? Does it feel like that? Who continues to feel pain when there is no forgiveness: the offender or the offended?

What is Forgiveness?

Not Forgetting It is not forgetting. You say,' Well God forgets.' The Bible does say, 'I will remember their sis no more' (Jeremiah 31:34), but the word used doesn't mean that He forgets. God is all-knowing - He couldn't forget even if He wanted to. When God says' I will remember your sin no more', what He is saying is, I will put it away from me as far as the east is from the west. I will not take the past and use it against you.

If a husband said to a wife 'Well, two years ago you did this', d you know what he has actually said? 'I haven't forgiven you. I am still taking the past and using against you.' So part of that commitment to forgive is to say, ' I am going to let that go. I am not going to bring up the past and use it against you ever again.'

You can't get rid of a hurt simply by trying to forget it.

No Tolerating Sin Forgiveness does not mean that we tolerate sin. Does God forgive? He does. Does He tolerate sin? No he can't. This is the most difficult when someone is in a situation where they are being sinned against continually, for example a wife who is being physically abused by her husband. In the past, some churches advised abused children and wives., 'Go home and be submissive.' What if the man beat up another woman in the church - would they tolerate that? Was it alright to beat up his own wife? IT's not only wrong, it is double wrong because she' not just getting beaten up, she is getting beaten up by t done who is really there by God's instruction to provide for her and protect her.

The Bible certain tells wives to be submissive, but that's not all it says. 1 Peter 2:1318 and Romans 13:1-7 instruct us to submit to the governing authorities who God has placed in authority over us. They have put laws in place to protect that wife. IT is perfectly possible to forgive someone yet still decide to turn them over to the authorities to let the law take its course. the fact is that that kind of abuse tends to run in a cycle that silly goes on and on until someone puts a stop to it.

You have every right to put a stop to sin by laying down Biblical guidelines, or by removing yourself from a particular situation. That is not at all inconsistent with forgiveness.

One woman knew she had to forgive her mother but said, 'I am going to go over to her house next SUnday and even though I might forgive her today, she will only criticise me and put me down again.' SHe needs to put a stop to it. 'But isn't she supposed to honour her mother?' someone may ask. But How is allowing her mother to destroy her marriage and her home by constant put - downs honouring her? So what could she do? She could go over there next Sunday and say something like, 'Mum, I want you to know I love you, I pray that God will really bless you, but I can't put up with you verbal abuse any more. My responsibility right now is to be a wife and a mother and this isn't doing you any good and it certainly isn't doing me

any good. If you are going to continue to do it I am going to have to stay away from my sake and for the sake of my marriage and family.'

Not Seeking Revenge 'Alright, I know I will never get even but I just want the satisfaction of hating the wretch.' Yes - but you lose. You just put yourself at the same level as the abusers.

You say, 'I want revenge.' But what does God say? 'Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord (Romans 12:19). When you forgive, although you are letting the person off your hook, you are not letting them off God's hook.

Where is the justice? It is in the cross. Christ died once for all, for your sins, my sins, their sins. That is where the justice is. If you remove the cross, it makes no sense at all. God really will demand justice for everything that has been done against you either it will be paid for by the blood of Christ if the person is a Christian, or they will have to face the judgement of God if they are not. God will settle every account some day.

When you choose to forgive, you are taking a step of faith to trust God to be the righteous judge who will make everything right in the end by demanding full payment for everything done against you. Nothing will be swept under the carpet.

Resolving to Live With the Consequences of Another's Sin.

If you are going to forgive as Christ has forgiven you, how did He forgive? He took our sins upon Himself. In a sense we have to do the same. Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of someone else's sin. You may say, 'Well, that's not fair.' No it's not - but you will have to do it anyway. Everybody is living with the consequences of somebody else's sin (we are all living with the consequences of Adam's sin. The only real choice we have is whether to o that in bondage of bitterness of the freedom of forgiveness.

Conclusion Forgiveness is to set a captive free and then realise that you were the captive. This is an issue between you and God. He commands you to forgive because He loves you. He knows that bitterness will you defile you and others, and cause you to miss

out on the abundant life that Jesus came to give you. You need to ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Remember this is not primarily about right and wrong. It's about clearing rubbish out of your life and walking away from it. It's for your sake and has precious little to do with the person who hurt you.

Let's finish by asking the Holy Spirit to show us whether we have one or more people to forgive and resolving before God to do so.

'Lord will you please show us if there is someone that we need to forgive in order to walk in the freedom you have won for us.' Then have a host time during which you invite people to indicate to the Lord by standing or raising a hand that they are wiling to forgive. Conclude with a show pray of blessing'

Next time someone offends you, will you be quicker to forgive? why? why not?