Things to Keep in Mind:
out of the half circle, depicting the
• Never use the word this as a
pronoun. EVER. It is an adjective.
You will respect that.
• You may be able to connect just
about anything to Waiting for
Godot.
• Unlike other classes, in English,
notes require effort and are, at all
times, COPIUS.
• David Shou will always get five
percent higher than you. Even if
you get a hundred percent. Even if
he hasn’t done the assignment.
• The above applies for Sairam as
well. Even though they will not be
taking this class by the time you
read this pamphlet, Sairam and
David will still receive A’s through
Ed-Line
• Sometimes, you will read poems
about horrific murders, child
beatings, uxoricides*, and Scottish
women wailing, and they will
make sense.
• During the year, you will have at
least two sudden changes in a
situation, where, upon referring to
these as “peripetias,” your non-IB
friends will look at you with
bewildered incredulity.
• You begin to closely (over)analyze
everyday things, to the
unhappiness of your comrades.
For example, in a standard IM
conversation:
<Screen name censored>: What’s
up?
theimusicman: Not much.
there's a minute segment sticking
motif of looking for an answer.
There's also a dot at the bottom,
showing finality of an idea, which
is the goal of said symbol. Here, it
is used to depict the character's
confusion at what is going on,
showing consternation towards the
main idea, of what is, in fact, up.
• Be prepared to dance, act,
choreograph, sing, play an
instrument, mime, memorize, and
think. This is a chance to do some
of the things you don’t often do in
other classes.
• If you have English first period,
Ms. Gaylor will give you some
extra time to sleep before class. If
you are in another period, don’t
fret, you can just sleep during
class. (Probably an aftereffect of
the aforementioned IB method)
• If you are assigned a graphic
organizer, it is in your best
interests to complete it. As in, if
you do not complete it, you will
fail the in-class essay.
Horrendously.
An indispensable pamphlet on the
• Sometimes, you will find yourself
necessities called upon by those who
making connections to seemingly attend this most crucial class over the
unrelated things like the history of course of their freshman year to broaden
the Pueblo Indians or Pokémon. and extend, lengthen and widen, increase
You will find that the deeper and and enhance their knowledge of the
farther you go with your English language and their familiarity
comparison, the better you with great works of literature, and how
understand the analysis you are to deal with it.
making. -- Darles Chickens
• William Shakespeare was a dirty
old man. In his story, Romeo and
 <Screen name censored>: ? Juliet, there will be sexual
theimusicman: That's a question references and innuendos in
mark. ANALYSIS: The question almost every passage. If you miss
mark is an oft-used symbol of them, beware. They will be
curiosity and intuitiveness. explained. In detail. GREAT detail.
It is composed of a half circle, as if • Through all you of what you
to say, “I'm not so sure. I lost the undergo over the course of the
* Uxoricide
otheris half.”
defined as the killing of one’s wife (possibly
But year, English is one of the most
with her hair)
entertaining, insightful, and
5 6
interesting classes. You will have 1
to work, but deal with it.
How To Work Like an IB Student
So you have a paper to do in
English that will drastically affect
your grade, your future, your utter
and total self esteem? Well, here’s
what you would do to work like a
true IB student:
1. Realize you have a paper to do
in English that will drastically
affect your grade, your future,
your utter and total self esteem.
2. Realize that it’s ten o’clock. At
night.
3. Realize that you’re out of coffee.
4. Freak out.
Alright, we seem to be heading on
a good course. Thank god you
acted like a good IB student and
procrastinated until the last
minute! Now, let’s start this thing.
5. Get on the computer and start
up Word. Write your heading
and a creative title, such as
“Essay.”
This is going well!
6. Fall asleep.
Darn it. Thank god you have alarm
clocks set to every hour situated
around your computer.
7. Wake up.
8. Realize that it’s eleven o’clock.
At night.
9. Look at the rubric.
10.Groan.
11.Grudgingly do the introduction.
Gain confidence and do much of
the body paragraphs.
Baseball, Softball, Multiball, brag about your achievement
French Honors Society, to your friends later that day.
Spanish Honors Society, Go back and check your
British Honors Society, and assignment.
the bus ride back home to the 21. Make sure it is formatted
outskirts of Montgomery correctly, as in Arial or Times
County where you no doubt New Roman, (so that it is
live. You get down three stairs legible, thus subject to
and, subsequently, fall grades),
asleep.
13.Wake up, yet again. with the lines double spaced,
14. Realize it’s twelve o’clock. IN So that the
THE MORNING. and in size 12 font (to make the all
15. Cry a little.
teacher
the readers can
squint)
16. Resolve never to leave 22.Catch the bus. Bring coffee.
something this late again; tell Bring lots.
yourself you should have
never procrastinated.
17. Finish the concluding
paragraph; forget to
proofread.
18. Check Facebook for any
updates your similarly
situated friends may have
made. For example, “Nick is
finally done with the TOTC
essay. He hopes that he gave
enough support for his second
body paragraph, as his
success was minimal the last
time,” “Josh is proud of his
work ethic and is sure that his
interpretation of the symbolic
meaning of the Odyssey
couldn’t be closer to
Homer’s,” or my personal
favorite, “Caitlin is done.
WOOOOOHOO
Now we’re getting somewhere!
12. Finish with the body
paragraphs. You decide to take
a quick break to get something
to eat, because due to your IB-
ness, you have not had time to
eat between school, Drama,
2 3
Track,
OOOOOYAAAYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111”
19. Go to sleep. As you fall into
your slumber, you look at the
clock and see that it’s four
thirty.
That’s great. You’re finally done,
4
right?
20. Wake up. It’s five thirty. You
realize that you got an hour of
sleep. You feel immense pride
and decide to