Independence and Rebellion

One of the major developmental tasks of adolescence is for the teen to develop independence from his or her parents. Transitioning from a dependent child-parent relationship to an independent and adult-parent relationship not only takes time but also may be characterized by rebellion, defiance, turmoil, restlessness and ambivalence. For both parent and teen, emotions may be high; in addition, the adolescent will exhibit mood swings and this passage from dependence to independence may take up to six years. The adolescent should exhibit independence, albeit not financial, when he or she departs for college. Along with the adolescents task to achieve independence from family, his or her parents also have tasks that will help their teen to accomplish the transition from dependence to independence:

Rules must be stated so that desirable and undesirable behaviors are known to the teen Boundaries must be set and communicated although negotiation is important in the process of limit
setting

Consequences for breaking rules should be determined and communicated The teen should be taught how to make decisions with parents as role models
Prior to adolescence, children usually abide by rules set by parents. As a teen initiates the physical and emotional changes of adolescence, the reach for independence frequently leads to a teen resisting rules rather than complying with them. One may think of the force to comply and the force to resist. A teen who is seeking independence may seek resistance as part of the normal evolution toward independence. Of course the family needs cooperation and interdependence among members to function smoothly. Resistance by the teen as part of emotional development may be perceived as rebellion by parents. This sets parents and teens at odds with each other. Some researchers feel that teens who are reared in excessively strict or excessively permissive environments may have disadvantages compared to those who are raised in a more flexible but firm setting. In order to prevent chaos, rules are important for any organization including the family; however, excessive rules may not only be difficult to enforce with adolescents, but they may cause an even higher state of rebellion. The limits should be clearly defined and articulated to adolescents. For example, if a teen wishes to begin dating, then guidelines should be set beforehand. This might include, for example guidelines for curfews, activities or transportation. Within the guidelines, the rules should not be so totally inflexible that the teen cannot on special occasions negotiate some changes. If the teen breaks a rule or limit, then consequences must be linked to the infraction. It is helpful to engage the teen in the process of setting a meaningful consequence to rule breaking. If parents allow teens to participate in the development of rules or limits as well as define consequences for breaking these rules, then this sense of teen ownership may lead to more compliance with the rules. To help the teen achieve independence, rules and limits should be consistently enforced. It is never helpful for parents to occasionally enforce rules or be overly rigid in enforcing them. Some rules should never be allowed to be broken; other rules may have some flexibility. For example, never allow the teen to ride with a driver who has been drinking alcohol. But for some occasions, with prior negotiation, a teen might be able to stay out later than his or her curfew. The limits and rules should adjust to the changing needs of the adolescent. For example, a curfew for a twelve year old who is just entering adolescence should be earlier than a seventeen year old who is about to leave for college. This adaptation to the changing adolescent will also foster independence. Expect every adolescent to have periods of rebellion. There are some guidelines that parents can use to help deal with teen rebellion as well as help the teen develop independence:

Parents should allow their teen some degree of rebellion. Immersion in peer group activities that may

include different dress, talk, or behavior enhances the development of independence. Parents should avoid criticism of teens on the basis of their clothing, music, friends, speech, posture, philosophy or interests. Allowing rebellion in these areas may prevent more deviant behavior such as drug abuse, lying or promiscuity.

 Although it may be difficult, parents should strive to develop an adult relationship with their teens over

time. Parents should try to build mutual respect; support and the ability to have good times together much like what would occur when the teen is an adult. Societys rules and consequences will help the teen become independent. For example, the consequences of a teen being chronically late for a job may result in his or her termination from the position. This will teach the teen responsibility for actions and help move him or her toward the goal of independence. Sometimes, it is best if the parents allow the teen to learn from trial and error. When ones teen is in a bad mood, parents should try to give him or her space and privacy. More than likely, the adolescent will not want to discuss the issue with a parent. Although a child may be told what to do, adolescents will probably challenge their parents rules and opinions. A teen talking back to his or her parents is normal adolescent behavior. Parents should listen and respect that the teen has the right to disagree and express an opinion. However, screaming, rude conversation and disrespectful remarks from teens should not be tolerated. Temperament problems, nonconformity, resistance to authority, alienation from culture and rebelliousness can also be associated with a higher risk for a teen to abuse substances. While every teen can be expected to be rebellious during adolescence, the following are some of the signs that the teen may need professional help:

Teen has no close friends School performance is declining significantly Teen has violent or destructive temper outbursts Adolescent is taking undue risks or has evidence of risky behavior such as traffic tickets or pregnancy Youth has excessive school absences The family life is seriously disrupted by the adolescents behavior

If a teen demonstrates these problems, then consultation with a clinician may be helpful

As the parent of a teen, if you have the feeling that youre starring in the cult classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers, you are not alone. Parents of teens often feel like they are on a wild ride for several years: Kids hormones are raging, theyre asserting their independence, and, as reams of research has shown, their brains are still changing and developing. Studies suggest that teens process emotional information differently than adults and use different parts of their brains to do so. So its not your imagination: A teenager is, indeed, a different animal. Responsible but Impulsive On the brink of adulthood, teens may be responsible enough to hold down a job, learn to drive, and begin dating. But at this crossroad in their life, teens are also impulsive, sometimes jumping into situations that may not be good for them. Many teens have a sense of invulnerabilitythe feeling that it wont happen to me. They also tend to reject parental values and standards and rely instead on peer standards, which can mean pushing the limits in terms of sexuality, smoking and drug and alcohol use. Making Rules & Setting Expectations You (and your child) will surely come out healthy and happy on the less tumultuous side of the turbulent teen years if, as a parent, you:

Communicatetalk candidly as often as you can Know your childs friends Eat dinner together Plan dates"spend time together, just the two of you, doing the things your teen loves Keep a sense of humor!

The teen years, while they only cover five years, are vastly wide-ranging. By the time teens get into their sophomore and junior years of high school, they usually they begin to see the cause and effect between their actions and future consequences for their lives. Most older teens will start to take responsibilities for their future and will eventually appreciate your guidance and words of wisdom along the way.
Common Problems and Concerns of Teenagers Make a list of your family values that make a teenager desirable. Teenagers are often baffled and puzzled by the fast changes taking place in the whole new world they are facing. For them, moving inexhorably through life's difficult situations on the way to adulthood is not easy. Our youngs today are plagued with myriad of problems, pressures and temptations. In this light, they need emotional and psychological support in the most difficult stage of their lives. First and foremost, they need their parents' active involvement in their lives. The following are some common problems and concerns of teenagers. 1. Peer pressure - Decisions made by teenagers may be influenced by the strongest members of the group. Remember that it is important to conform with the laws of the society than to conform with the laws of the group. 2. Generation gap - The difference between the philosophy and way of life. The way parents live and the way teenagers want to live may be different. 3. Seeking independence - Teenagers want to be independent from their parents. This move is very hurting to both of them. They must explain to their parents that at this time of their life they are no longer a child and they want to be treated as an adult. 4. Working out values - Teenagers sort out their own views and opinions about things and at the end they'll find it wrong. Probably, you'll find first disagreement from the family. 5. Mood swing - Sudden changes of mood among teenagers are very normal and a part of growing up. This might be caused by hormonal change which is responsible for the physical change. 6. Temper tantrums- Teenagers don't always have to verbalize their rebellious feelings. Perhaps there's a certain rule in their household in which their parents will never give away. 7. Sex in the society - Sex within the sanctity of marriage will provide a solid, loving environment in which to bring up children. 9. Making Friends - Teenagers want to meet new acquaintances and be friends with them. They want to have a circle of friends whom they can rely on.