Will Styka Ms.

Caruso ENGL 1102 14 February 2012 Der Lngste Winter September 1st, 1942 We advanced into the city of Stalingrad today, one of the largest cities in the Soviet Union. Paulus ordered us to enter the city through a suburb that the Soviets call Rynok. The whole place is a shambled mess; our bombing runs have reduced the city to ruins, houses once full of life now shells. Things did not go as Paulus had hoped. The ruination of the buildings cluttered the area, making it difficult for our Panzers to maneuver through the rubble-filled streets, and easy for the Soviets to direct artillery on us. Hauptmann Brenner split us up from the Panzer division; if we had stayed, the Soviet artillery would have wiped us out. Weve taken cover and created a fortified position in the remains of an apartment building. I got a view of the city from a window on the seventh floor, it is a ghastly sight, flames and gunfire ravage the ruins of the city. September 5th, 1942 We left the apartment building today. Our bombers have silenced their artillery, so we have been ordered to push further into the city. Hauptmann Brenner informed us, with a grim face, that we needed to clear every house and building to ensure the path would be safe for supply lines. Clearing these buildings is taxing on our minds and bodies. Our gains have been reduced to yards and inches, every house and every building could have Soviets inside waiting for us. Oberschutze Gringer died today; stepped into a
Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:25 AM Comment [6]: Explain your characters. Is this guy important to the group? Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:20 AM Comment [4]: Who is this? Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:07 AM Comment [1]: Jenna Price Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:19 AM Comment [2]: As your opening paragraph, I would explain what, exactly, your historical event is. I would take up a whole page explaining this. Give the date that this historical event took place, where it happened and explain what was so great about it that it made history. Then, I would proceed with the story you have going. Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:16 AM Comment [3]: Who is Paulus? Be more specific about who your characters are so the reader will better understand the story.

Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:20 AM Comment [5]: At the beginning of the story, maybe in the first few paragraphs, I would explain what character you are going to be playing. Are you part of the soviets?

room and shot in the throat a moment later. He didnt die quickly, he lay there gurgling and thrashing for several minutes. Seeing that made us all paranoid, which only made our task worse; knowing that through the next doorway or in the next room, our deaths could be waiting. Night fell faster than expected, and we are to spend the night in foxholes. I doubt any of us will be able to sleep though, knowing that the Soviets are possibly just up the street. October 12th, 1942 Hauptmann Brenner informed us today that we hold what the Generals estimate to be around ninety percent of the city. The fighting has been very bad as of late. The losses on both sides are staggering, in the tens of thousands. We are lucky then, to have only lost two; Oberschutze Gringer and Schutze Swartzer. The late Schutze fell to a sniper a few days ago, dead before he hit the ground. As of late, we have had to be weary of snipers; these ruined buildings and rubble piles make excellent sniper positions, and the Soviets know it. We were also told today that we have been completely cutoff from the main Panzer division, and are being ordered to move closer to the heart of the city in order to regroup. Unfortunately this easier said than done, as we have no way of knowing how many Soviets we are to expect on the way there or how well armed they are. October 25th, 1942 Weve managed to meet up with the remnants of the 4th Panzer Army under the command of General Hoth, but things are looking grim. Many of the panzers have been rendered useless as field mice burrowed into the control panels and chewed through the wires. The High Command has sent word that they are worried about out left flank, warning that it is too wide open, but their point is moot. Though our flank may be
Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:29 AM Comment [7]: Try to understand the readers perspective. Explain words like these because the reader might not know what your talking about or what this is.

vulnerable, there is nothing we can do to reinforce it; the Soviets have us at a bloody stalemate. We just have to hope that the Hungarians and Romanians can hold the line long enough for reinforcements to arrive. Though, after what happened with Rommel in North Africa, Hauptmann Brenner is skeptical that such reinforcements will ever reach us.
Jenna Price 2/16/12 10:31 AM Comment [8]: This is a good paper so far. It is more of a story though. I would try to focus more on explaining the history behind the event.