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Max Rogers Ms. Caruso ENGL 1102 22 February 2012

The Renaissance: An Overview The Black Death was a lethal monstrosity that seized the middle ages killing millions . However, the Black Death never touched the farm lands, buildings, ships, machines, or gold (Hereshleifer 19). This meant that survivors could still rebuild what was left of their damaged society. Although many citizens would return to their former lives, the earth was forever changed. Humanity was launched into a new era. This was the birth of the Italian Renaissance. Several events led to the decline of feudalism. There was an economic revival that began so knights could be paid. Knights became soldiers of the states. Because of this, fewer lords relied on knights for protection. Gun powder and weapons like the long bow and cannon came along. This decreased the effectiveness of knights. Stone castles were no longer the ultimate fortresses as they gave in to the power of cannons (Simkin 1). Cities became wealthier and more important. All of these occurrences led to the down fall of the aristocracies that were previously in place. When these aristocracies began to lose strength, a new form of organization began to move in and take control. This began the rise of early government officials. These officials took over the functions that were previously carried out by the vassals .1 The renaissance aided the development of states.
Comment [M3]: I feel that this paragraph is lacking some real examples that support my text. Comment [M1]: I feel that I tried to get a good introduction but I ended up just creating more of a quick facts list to shoot at the reader. I need to add some more detail and elaborate a little more on the topics that I am presenting. This will help slow down the pace of the entire paper as well as make the paper itself more credible. I think what went wrong is that I dont like to have very long introductions and Ive always been taught to make them get to the point. In this type of paper though, I feel like it would be okay to lengthen things out a bit more and to really start bringing some more information in to make the paper seem more full. Comment [M2]: There needs to be a little bit more information here to help ease the transition from my introduction to the first body paragraph. Looking back on it now, the lack of a smooth transition makes it feel somewhat like how the old five paragraph essays were written. An example from a real life event back in the renaissance could work as an opener for this paragraph.

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Germany was akin to Italy in that it was divided into many largely independent states (Butler 1). However, Germany was at the core of the Holy Roman Empire which unified the various German states (Trueman 1). The princes in Italy along with The Great Royal Court supported the renaissance. The French king, Francis the First, ruled from 1515 to 1547. He attempted to fill his surroundings with the most refined representatives of the Italian renaissance. There was a newly found force behind the thinking that God was no longer controlling all that took place on earth. People began to look at technology, science, and learning as a path to remodel society and lay down the foundations for the world of the future. Many scientists ran into conflict with the Church. For example, Galileo was almost constantly locked into a feud with the Church when he released his observations regarding a heliocentric universe. He was not alone and many of the scientists emerging during the renaissance had to fight and struggle with the Church for acceptance.2 Corruption found itself merging into the Roman Catholic Church. Many priests used money as a way to make it to the top . Priests were buying their positions (Van Hove 1). This led to many priests being in power who were uneducated and illiterate. Priests were also being caught. It was becoming evident that the members of the Roman Catholic Church were becoming too passionate about wealth and less passionate about their roles. Humanism ignited trade and a desire for a better standard of life. Florence Italy became the model trade city for others to follow Life in the city was a very lavish lifestyle considering the not so distant past. At the market, there is always movement and profits are high (Barton 1). People began to treat themselves to grander luxuries. Europes economy began to flourish. New
Comment [M5]: Definitely need some type of transition here. These paragraphs dont work nicely together in my opinion and if I was to change some things, I would need to find a segue from the first topic to the next. The way it reads right now makes it seem like each paragraph is a flash card and Im just going through them to give a review of the time period. I need to avoid this in my writing. I could fix this by possibly bringing in a more personal feeling to the paper which will help give it some life. I should use the text to hold a conversation with the reader. Comment [M4]: I actually really like this example and I should use an approach like this to help bring in more supporting information to each topic. This would really help the flow for some of the other paragraphs and it also would keep the paper from being to boring.

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goods from the East were introduced to the general public. Merchants brought these goods across the Silk Road. The Silk Road was a caravan route from Europe to China which had, until this time, been left unused for years. In the 1200s, the Silk Road was reopened by the Mongols (Elliot 16). There was a prominent traveler that spent 20 years in Asia. He wrote a book that rejuvenated an interest in the Far East. The book inspired traders to seek Asian goods and so the movement began. A fire would soon start thanks to the work done by a man named Marco Polo. Florence, Milan, and Venice had become major trading centers in Italy by the 1300s. However, manufacturing centers lived in these cities as well. Specialization began to occur. The port city of Venice was an essential gateway into trade. Massive ships often stopped in the city and with them, they would bring dazzling products from Asia. Trade led directly to banking. A new banking system appeared all over Europe. It was developed in Florence. The biggest players in this game were the Medici family. The rich usually controlled the government in Italian cities and in 1344, Cosimo De Medici ruled Florence (Unknown 1). He had a great desire to make Florence a center of art, literature, and culture.3 This devotion to art and education was essential to the renaissance. During this time, great advances in the fields of science and mathematics were made. It was discovered that the Earth revolves around the sun. Major changes in education occurred as students began to study the humanities. The study of history soon became important and overall, necessary. The renaissance was a blending of curiosity, artistry, and an endless hunger for
Comment [M6]: This is a little bit better with the flow. I move better from paragraph to paragraph. Now that I am reading this, I feel like I might be trying to limit myself to only one paragraph for most topics and if I just let it flow into two or three paragraphs, then the entire paper will work much better and a lot more information will be given to the reader.

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knowledge and understanding. The renaissance left an imprint on humanity that is as fresh today as it was the day it was birthed.4 It was no coincidence that Columbus found the Americas in the 1400s. It wasnt just a stroke of chance that Columbus consulted the same mathematician who taught the famous architect Filippo Brunelleschi. The renaissance took the world by storm and tore apart the once used guides to life. A fire burned through the people during these times. A perpetual motion was set into place that has redefined the arts more than a hundred times over.

Comment [M7]: Im not sure why I thought this would suffice as a conclusion. I think I was in the mind set of making this very factual and historical which in my mind made me want to be quick and precise without adding much emotion to it. This paper as is , is lacking a strong conclusion that ties in everything that has been discussed. The conclusion that needs to be added, also needs to work in some of my reasoning for why each of these aspects is important.

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Works Cited Barton, Sara. "Renaissance Florence." Nova-online. Jan. 2003. 9 Feb 2012. Web. Butler, Chris. The Rise of The Nation States During the Renaissance. Flow of History. 2007. Web. Elliot, Lynne. The Renaissance in Europe2009 New York: Crabtree Publishing Company. Print. Hereshleifer, Jack. Disaster and Recovery: The Black Death in Western Europe February 1966. Simkin, John. Decline of Feudalism Spartacus Educational. 14 Oct. 2003. Web. Trueman, Chris. Holy Roman Empire History Learning Site. Unknown. Italian Rennaissance Sparknotes. Van Hove, Alphonse. "Hierarchy." The Catholic Encyclopedia. Vol. 7. New York: Robert Appleton Company, 1910. 14 Feb. 2012

ENDNOTES

Comment [M8]: This is my first time really using endnotes and I feel like they should be added to tremendously. Right now, they feel more like bullet points but I would like to make each one of them into their own sub-story which helps give light into my opinions and how I plan to use this information in my upcoming novel.

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A shift in power is often a time for conflicts to evolve . I feel that people who want to raise their own status will

use this time of change to help vault themselves to the top . This will help give me a setting for corruption to begin occurring in my final paper.
2

The science vs. The Church argument has been going on ever since the two were created. This opens up

another resource to pull into my final paper. The church may want to be removing people who go against their ideals from society. It could also be the hidden agenda that the church has . I can easily create a conspiracy from this topic.
3

The Medici family is one of the best known families from the renaissance . It would almost be wrong of me to not

include them in my next paper. I feel that I can use them as a status of power and or leadership in the city. They could possibly be the main enemy of the church because of the way they feel about progressing the arts and sciences.
4

I feel that a push to advance technology and the sciences is always a good thing . It would be wrong to stop

progression because of religion. I want a subtle argument to surface that the church stands in the way of advancement.