This article is going to piss some people off. I know that.

In fact, Ill be surprised if it gets printed in its entirety. But it needs to be printed, and heres why: recent media coverage of autism and its effects on families has, quite frankly, pissed ME off. I think I speak for a subset of mothers and families out there who see autism in our life from a different point of view. I watched a news report on CNN today about an Iraqi mother whose eight-year-old son has autism. It was refreshing as far as autism news reports go, and I'll tell you why. This mother had moved with her son to Syria, where they are refugees from the war, in order for him to receive the treatment and care he needs. She works with a specialist there, reinforcing lessons with her son day in and day out. While he remains challenged, he is making great improvements. I loved watching him in the video, serving drinks for the family and dressing himself you could see the pride in his eyes. But what moved me most was her quote: "When I had this child -- what was I to do? Sit and cry: oh my God? No, no, no no! I will fight for him. I must do something for him, and I succeeded. Shes my kind of woman. I would love to meet her someday, because if anyone has a "right" to complain about how awful her situation is, it's this mother. Imagine raising a child with autism in the midst of war? Imagine having to leave your country as a refugee, just to get him help? With dignity, she spoke words of gratitude and of endurance and of hope Autism awareness has become a big deal in the media recently, but I have not been pleased with much of the media attention. I do not wish to be pitied, nor do I wish for my son to have added stigma attached to his condition because of something awful someone saw on a TV talk show or an internet video. There have been far too many stories that play on the drama and sensationalism of "worst case scenarios": children tantrumming incessantly, mothers crying that they have "no life", stories of bankruptcy due to all the money spent on treatment. Highlighting only the ugliest moments is simply not balanced any of our lives could be unfairly portrayed in that way, autistic or not. And besides, is this what we want?
For the world to look down on our children and pity us? I want more than that for my son. I want him to grow up in a world where those he meets will have developed a balanced awareness of his condition. That goal is not accomplished with a plethora of "woe is me" stories, or - conversely - by repeated tales of miraculous, mysterious cures from the evils of autism. I reject how the media has gone to these sensational extremes, which are frankly less helpful to the children and their families, than they are to stations' ratings. I want to tell a

different story. I enjoy being a mother, MORE, because of autism. I am better at it

because autism is in our family. I will go as far to say that I am grateful autism is a part of our lives. Do I wish things were easier for my son? Yes. Would I have chosen this? No. But would I go back and change it now? Absolutely not. Yes, I know what I just said, and I meant it. I love who my son is and I am not trying to fix him I am simply trying to give him the tools to reach within himself and draw on his full God-given potential. To portray autism as this thing that we should be ashamed of or pitied for is not helpful not for him, or for the public we are attempting to educate Allow me to lay out for you the ways that autism has both made me a better mother, and taught me to enjoy motherhood more. When Luke was an infant, before autism ever entered our vocabulary, I was wound up tight as a drum. I wanted to do this mom thing perfectly. He was my firstborn, and I cared what others thought about him and about me, to a crippling degree. Autism, at first, only magnified that issue as his toddler years proved difficult. Until eventually finally FREEDOM. I learned not to care anymore. I developed the ability to parent like nobodys watching - to follow my own heart and instincts as a mother, despite what anyone else thought. It took time but Lukes autism granted me a gift most parents never experience freedom from the need of others approval. The only thing that matters is what is best for my child. If this were the only benefit, it would be enough. I cannot adequately express how life changing this is. Ive also learned how to think outside of the box when it comes to people in general. When I watch a child misbehave or have difficulty with a task, I try to look beneath the surface. What is causing this? Is this an example of laziness or lack of cooperation, or is an underlying issue being ignored? No, I am not looking for autism behind every bush, but I do often discover things like sensory issues (either in the form of unmet needs or an overload of stimulation) or processing delays (or, in some cases, differences) in both children and adults. Recognizing this gives me the opportunity to shift my approach and/or my expectations. Something as simple as providing adequate processing time can allow a child not only to experience success, but provide her peers with opportunities to view her as smart. Changing up the way information is presented, taking the time speak clearly and literally, or writing things down rather than stating them verbally can all help improve communication. Dont miss this, now - Im talking about a major shift in perspective: maybe the problem doesnt lie with the child (or the other person), maybe I need to change. This shift changes how I interact with others, and Im so grateful. The final change I want to highlight actually brings us full circle,

as I share with you our familys most exciting news to date: we have decided to pursue the adoption of a little girl from Ukraine. The children are tickled at this prospect and are fully involved in the process. It makes me smile to think about how natural it seems to want to invite someone else to share in the blessings of our family. Because you know what? This is a great family! We are happy. We love each other. We try to have patience with one anothers shortcomings (and meltdowns mostly mine). When we dont, we work through that together. We try to see the best in each other and work to bring that out. Autism and sensory integration and anxiety are all difficult things to deal with, yes, and we expect this new child to have challenges of her own. I pray that same level of acceptance, peace, and purpose are reflected in her life, as well. Ill leave you with a story. This morning we started our day with a walk to the neighborhood park. There we met a mother with a little toddleraged girl. My three descended upon this sweet child, explaining to her that the wetness on the grass came from dew and that she was not old enough yet to enjoy the big kid swing and that she shouldnt eat wood chips. They were patient and helpful and well mannered. My son climbed to a high peak to do a bit of verbal echolalia off by himself, but no one seemed to notice he was calm and happy. Later, as we said our good-byes, the mother said to me, They are wonderful, and they will be great with your new little one. I smiled and thanked her, and you know what? I think shes right. We arent perfect, but we dont have to be. I know that now. Just one more thing autism has taught me.