Professional Etiquette IFT 2011

1. First Impressions
Its no secret that you never get a second chance to make a first impression, which is why its so important to put your very best foot forward when meeting a potential mate for the first time. Despite the inevitable pressure that accompanies this truth, making a good first impression doesnt have to be as hard as it may seem. Just do your best to stay relaxed, have fun and consider the points below. First impressions are fundamentally superficial in nature. Within just a few seconds of meeting someone for the first time, our initial judgments of that person tend to be based primarily on appearances. How you present yourself will have a profound impact on the kind of impression you will make so pay close attention to wardrobe and personal hygiene. Depending on the planned activity, dress appropriately but in a manner that stays true to your personality and style. Be sure that your hair is properly groomed and that your breath is fresh. If you use fragrances, be careful not to overdo it. Keep in mind that some people are hypersensitive to scents. Oh and dont forget the allimportant, stress-resistant deodorant to combat the pungent aroma of first date jitters! Be aware of your own body language. We interact with other people, in part, by subconsciously taking cues from our interpretation of their body language. This is why you should be conscious of the signals that your own body is sending out. Facial expressions contribute significantly to this message so smile often but sincerely. Keep it natural because most people can usually spot a fake smile pretty easily. Avoid the urge to look around the room nervously by making frequent eye contact. You should also pay attention to your posture. Slouching should be avoided but try not to be too stiff either. A natural, relaxed stance is your best bet. Break the ice by initiating a conversation. Ask questions and listen attentively. Try to identify common areas of interest so that you can elaborate on them and keep the conversation flowing. Avoid bringing up controversial topics during a first encounter. Not to say that you should limit yourself to basic small talk but you should do your best to stick to neutral ground in order to avoid potentially striking a nerve. Just let your intuitions guide you. Finally, we come to the most essential part of making a good impression, which is undeniably authenticity. Honesty is key in this regard. Despite the inevitable awkwardness of a first meeting, dont be afraid to flaunt your true self in your entire quirky splendor. If you let your personality shine through, you are sure to make the best of all possible impressions.

2. Body Language
In many social situations, positive interactions are often based more heavily on what your body is saying than on what may come out of your mouth. Of course its important to speak clearly and intelligently but because a great number of social exchanges occur through non-verbal means, it is equally important to understand the nature of body language and how it can work for you. Body language refers to a form of communication that uses non-verbal cues such as physical movement, gestures and facial expressions. Though usually performed mostly on a subconscious level, these cues can easily influence the way in which the general public will perceive any given person. Becoming familiar with the way that body language works will inevitably help you use it to your advantage in social situations. Unlike verbal expression, however, body language is much less predictable, not to mention significantly more vulnerable to misconceptions. 1

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 There is no exact science when it comes to interpreting body language and outside factors can also play a role so be sure to keep an open mind. Much of the information available about body language today can be somewhat misleading in that it sometimes fails to recognize individual differences and levels of understanding. Every person and situation is unique and should be treated as such. As a general rule of thumb, remember that the better you are at speaking body language, the more skilled you will become at interpreting it accurately from other sources. The most effective way to hone your non-verbal communication skills is to cultivate an ongoing awareness of the signals that you are sending out. Initially, this task should focus strictly on personal observation. Pay close attention to your posture, habits, facial expressions and gestures. Do you make a lot of eye contact? Are you more likely to tense up in certain situations than in others? Do you smile naturally and often? If you dont think you can be objective in this practice, ask a close friend or family member to offer an honest perspective. Once you have gained some insight, evaluate your findings to determine which behaviors elicit the most effective responses and which ones may need to be consciously monitored or modified. Though culture and context both play a critical role in the interpretation of body language, there are some common elements to consider. A genuine sense of relaxation allows the body to convey a more positive message. If you find yourself feeling stiff or tense in any given situation, make a conscious effort to loosen up. You also want to try and avoid fidgety behavior since this is typically viewed in a negative light. The ability to appear relaxed and comfortable will undoubtedly make others perceive you as a more approachable person. It is very important to seem approachable as this greatly enhances your odds of making new social and/or romantic connections. On the other hand, it is usually easy to tell if someone is trying too hard to seem relaxed so do your best to act as naturally as possible. The most telling messages delivered by your body tend to originate in your eyes and on your lips. Eye contact is a tricky operation to master but if used correctly, it can be a very effective tool to use during social interactions. Whenever possible, make it a point to look people in the eyes frequently but without lingering so much that it becomes uncomfortable for both of you. Knowing how often and for how long is the trickiest part. Unfortunately, there is no universal answer to this conundrum. Your best bet is to simply let instinct and personal judgment be your guide. Last but not least, smile regularly and genuinely. There is no symbol in the body language inventory more valuable or more widely accepted and understood than an honest and natural smile. Not only does it add significantly to the approachability factor but it also communicates a sense of warmth and authenticity. Best of all, smiles tend to be highly infectious and rarely go unreturned!

SMILE......SMILE......and SMILE......
3. How to Build Trust Trust is a difficult concept to define. There is some debate over whether it is a mental state or an action but in the spirit of simplicity, I will define trust as a relationship of confidence between people who hold certain expectations about how the other will behave. Though it is a double-edged sword in many ways, trust is an important feature of friendship relation. It is extremely difficult, if not outright impossible, for a relationship to really flourish without it. Because trust is so fragile, however, it requires a certain level of emotional risk and is prone to being broken easily. Nobody likes to feel betrayed, which is why some people find it particularly hard to 2

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 trust others, a problem that is often compounded by insecurity as well as painful experiences. It is important to note that as with most things in life, there is a danger of over-indulging. It is possible to trust too much or to put trust into someone that does not deserve it. But if you are just starting out with a new partner who has not previously betrayed you and you want to establish a healthy and trusting relationship with that person, there are some things that you can do to improve your chances of success. Try to keep an open mind, watch out for insecurity, and consider the suggestions below.

Text Messaging and Cell Phone Etiquette

Cell phones have become such a crutch for people, it boggles the mind. Not only can a phone preoccupy you by taking away your focus, as in a car accident waiting to happen wherein I recommend a blue-tooth. Cell phones can completely remove you from the here and now at a gathering and virtually transport you away from those you are surrounded by. At recent dinner parties I have witnessed grown men checking the score of the ballgame and checking off their to-do lists. This breach of etiquette occurred coming on the heels of them telling their children to stop texting friends and turn off their phones. On a recent trip to Disneyland I was dismayed at the groups of teens parading around the park. Typically there would be a group of five to six kids. All of them would proceed around the theme park as a crowd but few of them would carry on conversations with each other. Every one of them had their own cell phone and all were talking on them. Here was a group of kids who ended up spending time together and none of them were conversing with the person next to them. They would rather talk to the person who wasnt there. Whats up with that? Sadly, its not just adolescents and wayward husbands who have decided to forego manners in order to communicate with someone who opted out of an event. We were out with a group of people for a birthday. There were a number of us so we were spread out at multiple tables. One gal at the table next to us kept getting up and heading to the ladies room. As I entered the bathroom later, I saw that she was texting someone. I asked if it was someone who was supposed to be at the party. Then I asked if it was someone who was on their way. No, she said, just someone to talk to. I commented that shes at a table with 10 of her friends. Cant she talk to any of them? Well, she responded, this one I can talk to just her. I shook my head and thought, Shes not even talking to her. Shes using text. Whats the deal? Etiquette dictates that you consider the people around you. That means physical proximity. Embrace the people you are with. Embrace the moment you find yourself with these people. What happens when you get together with the person you are conversing with or texting? Are you going to disregard them so you can talk and/or text the people you are with right now? Wheres the logic in that? Dont give five people who are physically around you the message that you dont appreciate their company and would rather have someone elses attention. The short-sightedness of this is so obvious an explanation is hardly necessary. 3

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 If you find yourself talking to someone over the phone ask yourself why youre not with them and why you chose to be where you are. Would you rather be with the person you are conversing on the phone with or the people you are around? If you want to hang out with the person on the other end of the phone then go to them and leave the party. Its not like youre acting like a real guest anyway.

Proper Interview Etiquette

The unemployment rate is closing in on 10%. Its projected that by summers end over 10% of our population will be unemployed. This stat is not to shake you up but to encourage you to check out how to interview well. Properly and snag that job out there before someone else swoops in. Interviews are stressful. There is no denying that. For the seasoned actor who still gets butterflies before going onstage, the job seeking pro still gets stressed. In fact, its said that when the actor stops getting the proverbial butterflies, its time to get a new job. Being nervous is natural and simultaneously keeps you on your toes. Going into an interview relaxed can come off as cocky and its quite possible youll be off your game. Before you arrive (perhaps a day or two before) scout out where you are going. This way youll know how long it takes to get there. You will see how people at the office dress. If you go in, you might find some literature on the company. There may be an annual report, newsletter or a sales brochure. If you havent been told already, you can find out the name of the person you are interviewing with. If they are prominent with the company go to the company website and check out their credentials. Appearance is key to making a positive first impression. It used to be that a coat and tie or power suit was necessary. Now you can wear almost anything. Its just up to the company. Thats why doing a little homework is key. Make sure your hair is clean and combed. Likewise, your nails should be clean and trimmed. Ladies, that chipping nail polish will distract you and your interviewer. It could also be an irritant when you discover that when you are nervous you pick at your peeling polish. Its best to not have any polish at all. When choosing your clothing, go for conservative over glamorous. If you are unsure of a companys dress code, overdress (as in a skirt and top) rather than under dress (as in slacks and t-shirt). You want to arrive at least 10 minutes early. Turn off your cell phone. Finally do not assume the person who greets you is the receptionist. At all times remain humble and gracious. Regardless of who you meet first, assume everyone at this company (not just your potential boss) will have a say in hiring you. When it comes to personal appearance, what you wear and how you wear it will speak volumes. You may adore your wildly streaked hair. And your lip ring may really say who you are. Your potential hire, however, may interpret these outward shows of individuality as rebellion and a lack of wanting to work as a cohesive unit. You have every right to be who you are. Every company, on the other hand, has just as much right to say that pierced eye brows are not the image they are trying to project. You will have to decide if the job or your personal style is more important. Grooming is as important as wearing appropriate attire. Press your clothes and make sure they are clean. Shine your shoes. Look for missing buttons, tears and hanging threads. Keep hair done and clean and make-up simple. Deodorant is important but abstain from perfume and cologne. During the interview make a professional and positive first impression. You can start by being on time. There are no exceptions to this rule. If you are unrepentantly late it reflects poorly on you. It's 4

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 better to call and offer to reschedule. Introduce yourself first to the receptionist. Dont assume they know who you are. Even if you were there just yesterday, walk in, smile, introduce yourself and say who you are there to meet with. There is nothing more awkward than having people ask who you are. So eliminate the challenge. Smile and look your interviewer in the eye. Give a firm handshake and address them by their name. Reinforce how positive and considerate you are by calling them by their name at least once. Speak clearly and effectively. Dont mumble and avoid the ums, you knows and slang that would scream how young and inexperienced you really are. Use your words appropriately. Dont try to incorporate your word of the day. Using complete sentences and enunciating will place you head and shoulders above overly techie verbiage and terms. At the end of the interview call them by their name and thank them for their time. Look them in the eye and shake their hand. Follow up with a short thank you note.

How to Dress For Success

Here's How:
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Wear a solid color conservative suit with a coordinated shirt or blouse Wear moderate shoes Make sure your hair is well groomed and neat Don't overdo the perfume, makeup, cologne or after shave Limit your jewelry Make sure to try on your outfit BEFORE the day of the interview

Tips:
1. Your clothes are your image, check the mirror and see what others see 2. It is better to be overdressed than underdressed

How to Dress for an Interview

The first impression you make on a potential employer is the most important one. The first judgment an interviewer makes is going to be based on how you look and what you are wearing. That's why it's always important to dress professionally for a job interview, even if the work environment is casual. You'll want that first impression to be not just a good one, but, a great one. The candidate dressed in a suit and tie is going to make a much better impression than the candidate dressed in scruffy jeans and a t-shirt.

a. Men's Interview Attire

Suit (solid color - navy or dark grey) Long sleeve shirt (white or coordinated with the suit) Belt Tie Dark socks, conservative leather shoes 5

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011

Little or no jewelry Neat, professional hairstyle Limit the aftershave Neatly trimmed nails Portfolio or briefcase

b. Women's Interview Attire

Suit (navy, black or dark grey) The suit skirt should be long enough so you can sit down comfortably Coordinated blouse Conservative shoes Limited jewelry (no dangling earrings or arms full of bracelets) No jewelry is better than cheap jewelry Professional hairstyle Neutral pantyhose Light make-up and perfume Neatly manicured clean nails Portfolio or briefcase Gum Cell phone ipod Coffee or soda If you have lots of piercings, leave some of your rings at home (earrings only, is a good rule) Cover tattoos Before you even think about going on an interview, make sure you have appropriate interview attire and everything fits correctly. Get your clothes ready the night before, so you don't have to spend time getting them ready on the day of the interview. If your clothes are dry clean only, take them to the cleaners after an interview, so they are ready for next time. Polish your shoes. Bring a breath mint and use it before you enter the building.

c. What Not to Bring to the Interview

d. Interview Attire Tips

2. Teen Interview Tips

The key to successful teen interviewing is to do exactly what a professional candidate for employment would do. That's the best way to make a positive impression on a prospective employer and to enhance your chances of the getting the job. I worked with a teen going on her first interview for a volunteer position, and she got a job offer on the spot. Why was it so easy? She dressed appropriately, answered questions in an informed manner, had questions to ask the interviewer, and, in general, made a very good impression on the interviewer. These teen interview guidelines will help you make just as good an impression:

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 For part-time or summer, non-professional, job is a little different from applying for a full-time professional position. Dress should be, at the least, neat and tidy. Business casual is usually appropriate. For example, khakis and a neat tucked in polo shirt would work well. Your shoes should be moderate and you should avoid extreme hairstyles or colors. Also, keep makeup and perfume to a minimum. No jeans or shorts, no tank tops, crop tops, or anything especially low cut (shirt or pants) or too short (skirt or blouse) - keeping everything professional is a must.

Etiquette at Work
How common courtesy and good manners can increase productivity and sales in the work place.

Business Etiquette
Good business creates more good business. Likewise bad business well, you get the picture. Proper business etiquette first and foremost entails paying attention to others. Your others may include customers who you take care of, business contacts whos business you either want or want to maintain and finally co-workers, who you work with and see on a regular basis. Business etiquette runs a similar path to good business practice, which includes responsibility, accountability and energy. Etiquette requires that you are responsible for your actions. Whether you do something right or wrong, taking responsibility for your actions puts the power of success in your hands. This success requires graciousness on your part. Being gracious does not mean pointing fingers. Neither does it mean beating your chest in an effort to draw attention when you feel you have done a stellar job. Graciousness considers your response to others. The most successful business person asks, What can I do to resolve the situation? When things go wrong you graciously take responsibility by stepping forward, making things right and moving on. When success seems to follow your path you again show grace by looking at what you have done, improve on it, and move forward. Notice nowhere did the word boast come into play. Next, accountability is a key ingredient to your successful business etiquette repertoire. To be accountable is more than being responsible. You need to do what you say you are going to do. And you need to go above and beyond whats expected of you. Followers do the minimum of what is expected of them. And they are compensated accordingly. Going above and beyond allows you to be above reproach. Titus 2:6-8 reminds us: Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about you. Accountability has its paybacks too. It allows you to expect reciprocity. Your karma improves. Good juju follows you because you are instilling a work ethic that cannot be questioned. Finally, laziness is the ultimate business etiquette faux pas. We need to tap into a flow of energy that allows us to succeed big. Remember this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously 2 Corinthians 9:6. This doesnt just apply to service and hospitality. All business benefits from a service mentality. Rather than thinking whats the least amount of effort expected of me? Or, how little work do I need to do to accomplish this task? Consider efficiency and expediency. Sowing small equates with time and effort. Sow generously and youre considering time management, those around you, and your future relationships. 7

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 Business etiquette is not so different from that of dining, emailing, driving or speaking. In all areas of life you want to consider the thoughts and feelings of those around you. Proper business etiquette is not elusive or only for those whove received their MBA. You can be successful in all areas of business by taking responsibility for your actions. Be accountable to your business contacts by going above and beyond whats expected of you. Finally, tap into the timeless law of sowing and reaping. Whether you believe in karma, juju or fate, youll find that proper business etiquette reaps success.

Greeting Visitors
When making introductions can be one of the more stressful aspects of good etiquette. A sense of confidence thus making introductions important. Knowing the correct procedures involved in various types of introductions are important. Practicing beforehand will give you a sense. While one usually knows to use the correct honorific and/or title(s) when making formal introductions, one is often unsure which person should be introduced first. What are the guidelines? Better yet, are there guidelines? The basic guideline is to introduce the most important person last. Of course, now you want to know how to judge importance. Like any other etiquette problem its all situational. Will your introduction involve business acquaintances, friends and family, guests at a party, or perhaps more than one of each? The main rule concerning importance is the same; we just need to understand the various levels of importance. In a business situation the person of least authority would be introduced to the person of greater authority. For example: Mr. Smith, I would like you to meet Ms. Jones, our newest customer service representative. Ms. Jones, this is Mr. Smith, our vice-president in charge of operations. While vicepresident of operations is an important position, if you are introducing a possible client then your V.P. would take the lesser role as in: Ms. Doe, this is Mr. Smith, our vice-president in charge of operations. Mr. Smith, this is Mrs. Doe, who is considering using our firm to advertise her new thinga-ma-jig line. In business (at least good business) all customers, and possible customers, out-rank everyone up to, and including, the CEO. At home, as a rule, you would introduce a family member to a guest. However, being the good southerner that I am, Mama comes first. So I would introduce Ursula and Fred to my mother, then introduce my other family members to Ursula and Fred. I would also include some general bits of information about each person during the introductions. At a party the question Who is the more important person? can become confusing. A few basic rules can help one to wade through these murky waters. If the gathering is large, it is perfectly correct to introduce yourself to others present if your host(ess) is busy. Men are introduced to women. Introduce the younger person to the elder. Introduce the lay-person to the Doctor, Judge, Reverend or Priest. Introduce the single woman to the married woman. (Archaic I know, but, theres no arguing with custom.) Remember to also add a little general information about the people you are introducing. Hobbies, types of employment or common interests are the usual tidbits that help get conversations started.

. Office Attire and the HOW TO DRESS:Need for a Suit

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Professional Etiquette IFT 2011

Office Attire and the Need for a Suit

Our society is becoming more relaxed. Our cars lack the behemoth size of former years and are getting smaller and more efficient. Likewise, our clothing manufacturers are eliminating the need for layers. We now have shirts and socks which can wick away moisture while simultaneously keep us warm and dry. In many ways less has become more. Even in the case of office attire we are wearing less and becoming more relaxed in our choice of clothing. Many younger corporations have made business casual attire trendy and acceptable. Three-piece suits have been replaced with Chinos and a button down. Ties are becoming obsolete, as are Wingtips. Except in the most formal of office settings is a suit necessary anymore. The vest was eliminated first, followed by the tie. The blazer is nice to have but just gets in the way. Nowadays you can get by with a button down, slacks and some nice cuff links. We all, however, need one or two suits in our wardrobes. Whether we are men or women, we all need a good, actually fantastic, suit to meet societal needs. Why, you ask? And just what might those societal needs be in this new millennium of ours? How about funerals and weddings for a start? People are united every day and, sadly, people depart from our lives. Both occasions call for a show of respect on our part and the gift of dignity for which the occasion is for. When attending a somewhat formal affair, a suit is never overkill and you will never look too polished or over dressed. Having one suit for men or in a womans case a skirt suit in your closet actually allows you to show up to an event with just the person for whom you are there for on your mind. There is nothing cool about showing up to a wedding in jeans and a t-shirt or some mini skirt and tank youd wear to a bar. And omitting a blazer or proper jacket to a funeral is not going to help the grieving during their time of need. No one cares if jeans are your style. This occasion in life, as are most of lifes events, is not about you. This is your opportunity to show the world that you have the capacity to demonstrate consideration for others while simultaneously declaring that you didnt just show up for the free food. We all hear the lamenting that you cant afford to dress like that. Trust me, though, its quite doable. For the financially challenged you can piece a great suit of clothes together. Although one great suit is wonderful to begin with and then you expand from there, heres a way to put your wardrobe to work for you. Begin with the shirt. You want a long sleeve button down. Go to a mens or womens department and find one that is of good quality and fits. Often this requires asking for help. Whether it be the person behind the counter, your significant other (great date opportunity) or your mother, get a qualified second opinion. Start with the basic white shirt. And learn to press it yourself. It saves time, money and helps the environment. Now that youve conquered the shirt, your next step is locating either slacks or a skirt. Again consider the quality of the fabric and the fit. You want pants to break at the right place above your shoes and to be the proper length in back. Skirts need to fit well also and be of a more conservative length. As for color, go for black first as its timeless. Navy is extremely corporate but will look good. Again keep it pressed, hung and ready at a moments notice. Next is the blazer which needs to match the pants. And remember shoes. Get a pair that are comfortable but go well with the shirt. Consider getting a pair of shoe trees to keep your shoes in good condition. Again consult with authorities, get a second opinion and go for a timeless, classic look 9

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 You are now set and lacking in excuses. Dressed for success, you can entertain the idea of getting a decent gift rather than working at justifying your sad attire. Considering others rather than working to justify your lack of decorum is a freeing experience. Taking the opportunity to show respect when the occasion calls for it allows you to be more relaxed and either enjoy the moment or reach out to others, depending on the occasion. Congratulations, youve just mastered office attire too.

Semi-casual Attire
Where semi-formal is a step down from formal, semi-casual is a step up from casual. One can typically list types of dress like this: Sweats Jeans Casual Semi-casual Smart casual Business casual Cocktail Semiformal Formal Black tie Lines tend to blur when the office calls for business casual during the week and jeans on Friday. There are times Ive been surprised and somewhat appalled that someone in corporate America would equate casual Friday with actually wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Im honest, however, when I say Ive seen it happen. When asked to dress semi-casual, you are not to dress like a slob. Etiquette would dictate that although your favorite jeans with the holes in the knees and frayed hem are your most comfortable, you are not going to produce your best work in clothing you can easily take a nap in. Both men and women in todays more relaxed society are arriving at work in what can only be described as sweats. Its amazing to think that someone would actually think they can work in clothing they would probably not wear to the grocery store as it might offend your neighbor yet you will wear the sweats and Grateful Dead t-shirt to your place of employment. Proper semi-casual dress may include loafers or cap toe shoes. At times you can wear sandals in warm weather. Socks should be dark with mens loafers. Women can wear lighter stockings but should opt to not go stocking free unless you are wearing sandals. Pants can be a smooth material. In colder weather, however, you can wear corduroy. Skirt or dresses for women is allowed. Button-down dress shirts, sweaters or polo shirts are great for men. Men may also wear a necktie but its not expected. For a casual affair such as church, dinner at a friends home or casual dining, a nice jacket or sweater for men is best. For ladies, a nice slacks outfit or dress works. A top/skirt combination can be appropriate, but dress it up with a little jewelry or scarf. Dont over do it, though. 10

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 As for outerwear, any kind of coat or hat goes fine. A long, formal top coat is not necessary. Opt for a shorter, sportier version. A cute pair of gloves work too. Of course a top hat or Easter bonnet would be decidedly over the top. Accessories should be kept to a minimum. Excessive jewelry is unnecessary with semi-casual dress.

Casual Friday
Casual Friday: What does it really mean? Casual Friday might mean jeans but does it equate with what you wear to paint your bathroom. So whats the deal? Companies everywhere have adopted a casual Friday attire specification. For some offices, casual Friday equates with this is the only day jeans are acceptable. For others offices, this means ties are optional, pants can be opted for skirts and you dont have to wear your suit coat to meetings. For many offices, Chinos and a button-down take the place of a suit for men. Slacks and a nice top replace the business suit for women. Regardless of the actual specifications of your office, casual Friday still takes place at work. The workplace is a domain where productivity is key. If you opt to wear something that detracts from your ability to perform your job well, as a person who considers the fact that your job, and the ability with which you perform it, reflects the type of person you are you need to consider just what casual really means. Aside from the examples described above, There are many things casual Friday does not mean. First, casual Friday does not ever mean what you might choose to wear if you are going to paint your bathroom or clean out your garage. It also does not mean something you would typically wear to your childs ball game. Finally, when considering casual Friday and how to keep your job productivity up, clothing that distracts others, such as t-shirts with offensive language or revealing clothing is not appropriate for the workplace, ever. If you wouldnt wear it to meet with your friends at a coffee shop or have breakfast in something other than a greasy spoon then dont wear it to the office. How about what youd wear to the post office and grocery store? Well, if you wear your sweats to these public places, dont think that means its acceptable in the workplace. Out for drinks with friends? Yes. Not the sleazy aspect, but definitely the I want to make a favorable impression to a stranger and dont want to embarrass my friends look. I you wouldnt meet your friends for drinks after work because your decision to wear jeans with a sweatshirt ala soccer mom, then you may want to rethink if its appropriate for the office. Bottom line, you dress for the office to be ready for business. Theres something about wearing a suit which puts you in the proper mind frame for the office. Sweats may be comfortable, but that kink of comfort begs for a nap at noon after reading the morning paper. Thus, sweats, like naps dont equate with efficient office mind thought. If its unproductive, leave it at home and chose a more businesstype outfit.

Dressing for a Company Party

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Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, New Years. There are many reasons to throw a party and the Holidays in general is when we all get that opportunity to attend one relatively large soiree. A typical get together when winter is upon us is the Company Party. Lots of times its to celebrate all things Holiday. Often a company will utilize this opportunity to highlight their achievements and proclaim goals for the upcoming New Year. Regardless of the reason, you have the opportunity to see your co-workers and boss and other employees you may not know outside of the office environment. Its a great chance to see people you see often with their spouse or significant other. You get to have a sip and a nibble on the companys dime, which is always a nice perk. And you will have the opportunity to finally wear that great outfit youve been dying for a chance wear somewhere. Before you exit your home all dolled up, there are a few items to consider when dressing before you attend this company event. After all, this is an opportunity to look great and talk about stuff not related to business. You want to make sure the impression you give outside the work environment is positive and complimentary of your personality. This may be the only chance you actually get to meet the President or CEO of the company. When considering these things, you still need to keep in mind that, although you are out of the office, this is still business. For that reason, consider the outfit you have picked out. Is it suggestive? Do you want an inebriated executive to think you are being suggestive? What do you hope to accomplish at this company party? What you wear is going to say all these things whether you want it to or not. As for your apparel, if you believe it sends the message you want, the next thing you need to do is see if it survives what I have dubbed The Sit Test. When you are sitting down to eat the nibbles the company is providing does your dress or top or scarf, etc. stay where it is supposed to. When you pick up a fork and lean ever-so-slightly-forward, does your outfit fall open? Do your shoulders stay there or do they slip down to your elbows? These are questions you will want answered prior to arriving at the party. The other item of concern is The Reach Test. When you are at the buffet or reaching for a glass of champagne resting on a passing tray, are you able to reach, grasp and bring it back with your entire outfit still intact? What about your sleeves? Do they graze the canaps when you pick up just one? Again, these are items to consider when deciding what to wear to that company party. Of course the hoped-for result is that you enjoy yourself and those around you enjoy your company. If your apparel choice inhibits this because the person next to you thinks you are being suggestive, you most likely won't enjoy the party. If your outfit does not survive sitting and eating, youll either go faint from hunger when you opt out or youll be remembered as the more revealing worker of the bunch. Finally, if your sleeve falls into the punch or your shoes pinch and you opt to go barefoot, the message you send may not be the one you intended. Heres hoping you enjoy your evening and your coworkers and others recall with enthusiasm how fantastic you looked and how amazing you made the evening.

Attending a Funeral
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Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 Funerals and memorial services honor the deceased and acknowledge a sense of loss. Customs vary depending on locale and religion. The memorial service can vary in ceremony and procedures according to the community and religious affiliations. A memorial is distinguished from a funeral by the fact that the body is not present. Often, however, public visitation is held prior to the memorial service. Burial or cremation may take place prior to or following the visitation for funeral itself. Really a service of remembrance, the memorial service can be scheduled at any time often weeks or months after a death has taken place. One of the most challenging dilemmas people ask is what to say to the person who has lost a loved one. Sympathy to someone in deep mourning can be hard. Whatever you chose to say, keep it simple. Express your sorrow for this persons loss. A hug or a handshake and recalling a memory of this person is fine. Simply stating, It was good to know him or her is considerate. Or she will be missed. Avoid proclaiming that you know how they feel or proclaiming your spirituality. Everyone needs help and at this particular time those most impacted at this loss need assistance and just "being there" more than ever. So make yourself available if at all possible. Be specific when offering to help. Offering to make dinner, run errands or babysit are nice gestures. Just let them know that you are thinking of them and available to assist. You can also just bring food, linens for the extra guests, do the dishes and assist in a general way. Paper supplies are also appreciated. Be sure to label any food containers you bring with its contents and identify that its yours. Disposable containers are appropriate. Even if you did not know the deceased but know the person who is grieving, a sympathy card is appropriate. Sending a sympathy card is a good practice and is meaningful to the family. You can also call the residence. Out of respect, however, its important to keep your conversation as brief as possible. Its common to give flowers to the bereaved. You can send them to either the home of the person who is grieving or to the funeral home. Almost any kind of flower or plant is fine. Floral crosses and wreaths are beautiful and can often be sent by a group. A fancier arrangement can be specifically designed for the deceased featuring a photo or something which represents the deceaseds interests. Refrain from giving a casket arrangement, however, as they are usually provided by close family. In lieu of flowers or food, sometimes there is and opportunity to remember the deceased through contribution to a memorial fund. Because memorials are somber occasions, attending would call for somber, respectful clothes. Women should wear a dark dress or a dark suit. Men will be appropriate in a dark suit or dark pants and a jacket. Although wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate, keep in mind the person who has died and the people who are mourning their loss the most. A funeral is not the time to show up and parade your individual personality. Its an opportunity to show dignity and respect to the deceased. Relatives and friends will be requested to sign the register book. Your full name and address, if requested, should be listed by you. If you are a business associate and the family may not recognize your name (even if youve met on more than one occasion), it is proper to list your affiliation to the deceased. The type of service conducted for the deceased is specific by the family. Protestant religious services are held either at the church or the funeral home with the body of the deceased present. This service 13

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 varies in ritual according to denomination. It is customary to let the family and clergy decide what procedure will be followed. The Catholic funeral Mass is held in the deceased's church under the direction of the priest. For the Mass the casket is closed and draped with the religious pall. A wake or prayer service is often held prior to the Mass. The Jewish funeral usually is held in the synagogue or funeral home. It is customary not to send flowers to the funeral home. Friends and relatives are encouraged to visit the residence. A period of mourning (Shiva) follows the burial. Usually the mourning period is preceded by a memorial service at the residence which is attended by the family and friends. In today's society there are two families who prefer a non-religious service which is termed "Humanist." In this type of funeral, the same respect is paid to the deceased and condolences are sent to the family. A pall is the heavy cloth that is draped over a coffin. Etiquette stipulates that relatives, friends, church members or business associates can serve as a pallbearer. A pallbearer is a funeral participant who helps to carry the casket of the deceased person from a religious or memorial service or viewing either directly to a cemetery or to and from the hearse. A eulogy is often part of a funeral or memorial service. If you are asked to do a eulogy, its most likely because you either knew the deceased well, are well spoken or a combination of both. If you are asked to speak during the eulogy, its alright to decline if you are too upset. If you accept, plan carefully what you would like to say. The eulogy should last between two and ten minutes. Explain how you knew the deceased but speak beyond just your relationship with him or her. Be sure to emphasize their best qualities. The above covers the basics for attending a funeral and how to assist someone you know through a very difficult time. When dealing with this time in peoples lives, patience and understanding are key. Grief is so overwhelming and loss is so deep. Many people simply cannot do this alone. If you were a friend, you should attend the memorial. Because you are distraught is no reason to not attend. Everyone in attendance is at a loss and this is an opportunity to support each other, not leave them alone. Hopefully this will assist you in taking care of remembering someone who made a difference in your life.

What goes where on the table

What to do when
a. When to start eating:
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Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 Despite what mother told you, culinary experts say you do not always have to wait for everyone to begin - start eating hot food when it is served. For cold foods or buffets, wait for the host to announce dinner, and wait until the head guest starts dishing.

b. Foods you can get by hand:

1. Bread: break slices of bread, rolls and muffins in half or into small pieces by hand before buttering. 2. Bacon: if there's fat on it, eat it with a knife and fork. If it is crisp, crumble it with a fork and eat with your fingers. 3. Finger meals: follow the cue of your host. If finger meals are offered on a platter, place them on your plate before putting them into your mouth. 4. Foods meant to be eaten by hand: corn on the cob, spareribs, lobster, clams and oysters on the half shell, chicken wings and bones (in informal situations), sandwiches, certain fruits, olives, celery, dry cakes and cookies.

c. Removing inedible items from your mouth:

1. Olive pits: drop delicately into your palm before putting them onto your plate. 2. Chicken bone: use your fork to return it to the plate. 3. Fish bones: remove with your fingers. 4. Bigger pieces: bigger bones or food you don't appreciate you should surreptitiously spit into your serviette (napkin), so that you can keep it out of sight.

Which glasses go with what drinks

Wine connoisseurs agree that each type of wine needs a particular type of glass to bring out the distinctive bouquet. Using a narrow glass for a rich Burgundy, for example, won't allow enough room to swirl it around in, and it's the swirl that brings out its bouquet. The glass also needs to taper properly toward the top so that it captures the bouquet yet allows for sipping. In general, the stem of a glass should be long enough to keep hands from touching the bowl, which can affect the wine's temperature, and therefore its bouquet.

a. Water: full body glass with short stem. Hold the glass by the stem to preserve its chill. b. Brandy: brandy snifter. Roll the snifter between both hands and then cup it in one hand - warming the glass brings out the bouquet in brandy. c. White wine: slightly smaller glass with wider bowl to capture the bouquet. Hold the glass by the stem to preserve its chill. d. Burgundy Reds and Pinot Noirs: a wide bowl to bring out their complexity. The glass is slightly taller than the white wine glass. e. Champagne: a narrow fluted glass, which reduces the wine's surface area and keep the bubbles from dissipating. f. Red wine: the bigger of the wine glasses. Hold the glass at the bottom of the bowl where it meets the stem.

Table manners

refers to the etiquette used while eating, which may also include the appropriate use of utensils. Different cultures observe different rules for table manners. Many table manners evolved out of practicality. For example, it is generally impolite to put elbows on tables, since doing so creates a risk of tipping over bowls and cups. Each family or group sets its own standards for how strictly these rules are to be enforced. Chinese table manners 15

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 Generally, Chinese table manners are more informal than the West, although there are more rules concerning interactions with other guests due to high levels of social interaction as a result of the communal style of serving.

a. Chopstick usage

Chopsticks should always be held correctly, i.e. between the thumb and first two fingers of the right hand. When not in use, chopsticks must always be placed neatly on the table with two sticks lying tidily next to each other at both ends. Failure to do so is evocative of the way the dead would be placed in a coffin before the funeral and is a major faux pas. Chopsticks are traditionally held in the right hand only, even for the left-handed. Although chopsticks may now be found in either hand, a few still consider left-handed chopstick use improper etiquette. One explanation for the treatment of such usage as improper is that within the confines of a round table this may be inconvenient. Never point the chopsticks at another person. This amounts to insulting that person and is a major faux pas. Never wave your chopsticks around as if they were an extension of your hand gestures. Never bang chopsticks like drumsticks. This is akin to telling others at the table you are a beggar. Never use chopsticks to move bowls or plates. Never suck the chopsticks. Decide what to pick up before reaching with chopsticks, instead of hovering them over or rummaging through dishes. To keep chopsticks off the table, they can be rested horizontally on one's plate or bowl; a chopstick rest (commonly found in restaurants) can also be used. When picking up a piece of food, never use the tips of your chopsticks to poke through the food as with a fork; exceptions include tearing apart larger items such as vegetables. In more informal settings, smaller items or those more difficult to pick up such as cherry tomatoes or fish balls may be stabbed, but this is frowned upon by traditionalists. Never stab chopsticks vertically into a bowl of rice, as this resembles incense sticks used at temples to pay respects to the deceased. This is considered the ultimate dinner table faux pas.

b. Communal chopsticks

When there are communal chopsticks, it is considered impolite to use your own chopsticks to pick up the food from the shared plate, or to eat using the communal chopsticks. It is considered impolite to use the blunt end of one's own chopsticks to transfer food from a common dish to one's own plate or bowl; use the communal chopsticks instead. An exception to the above can usually be made in intimate settings such as at home.

c. Other utensils

If noodle soup is served, many consider a more elegant way to eat by picking the noodle into a serving spoon first, and eating from the spoon, rather than slurping directly from the bowl into the mouth using chopsticks. Chinese traditionally eat rice from a small bowl held in the left hand. The rice bowl is raised to the mouth and the rice pushed into the mouth using the chopsticks. Some Chinese find it offensive to scoop rice from the bowl using a spoon. If rice is served on a plate, as is more 16

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 common in the West, it is acceptable and more practical to eat it with a fork or spoon. The thumb must always be above the edge of the bowl. d. Eating from common dishes

Pick the food on the dish that is at the top and nearest to you in distance. Never rummage through the dish or pick from the far side for your favorite food. In general, more conservative Chinese frown upon the practice of picking more than one or two bites of food in your bowl or serving plate as if you were eating in the Western way. Most Chinese would understand the practice during infectious disease epidemics, or if the person is from the West. If both a serving bowl - separate from rice bowl - and plate are provided, never put any food items to be eaten onto the serving plate. This rule may be relaxed for foreigners. If a dish is soupy, pull the serving bowl near the serving dish and reduce the distance the chopsticks need carrying the food. Spilling plenty of sauce on the table is a major faux pas. After you have picked up a food item, do not put it back in the dish.

e. Seniority and guests at the table

The elderly or guest(s) of honor are usually the first to start the meal. The youngest or least senior may serve the eldest or most senior first, as part of the Confucian value of respecting seniors. The youngest on the table addresses all of the elder members at the table before starting, perhaps telling them to please "eat rice" as a signal to help themselves. The best food in a dish should be left to the elderly, children, or the guest of honor, even if they are one's favorite. The eldest person present, or the guest of honor, is given a seat facing the door. When the hostess says her food is not good enough, the guest must disagree and tell her it is one of the finest foods they have ever tasted.

f. Drinks

The host should always make sure everyone's cups are not empty for long. One should not pour for oneself, but if thirsty should first offer to pour for a neighbor. When your drink is being poured, you should say "thank you", and/or tap your index and middle finger on the table to show appreciation, especially when you are in Southern China, e.g. Guangdong Province. When people wish to clink drinks together in the form of a cheer, it is important to observe that younger members should clink the rim of their glass below the rim of an elder's to show respect. Strong alcohol, called baijiu [pronounced "by joe"], is often served throughout the meal; and it is customary for the host[s]/hostess[es] to insist that guests drink to "show friendship." If the guests prefer not to drink, they may say, "I'm unable to drink, but thank you." [in Mandarin: "Wo bu neng he jiu, xie xie." ] The host may continue to insist that the guests drink, and the guests may likewise continue to insist upon being "unable" to drink. The host's insistance is to show generosity. Therefore, refusal by the guests should be made with utmost politeness. Beware: If a guest drinks alcohol with a subordinate at the table, the guest will be expected [if not forced] to drink a glass of the same alcohol with each superior at that table, and possibly at other tables tooif the guest has not passed out yet. 17

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 g. Smoking

Smoking is customary when dining and the host will often pass out cigarettes to all [men] around the table. If the guest prefers not to smoke, she/he should politely refuse (in Mandarin, one would say, "Wo bu hui chouyan, xie xie").

h. Business meals

During business meals, it is best not to eat to the point of satiation, as business and not food is the actual main purpose of the gathering.

i. Miscellaneous

Some people sit at least 1 metre (3 chi) from the dining table so they will not be literally rubbing elbow with other guests. When eating food that contains bones, it is customary that the bones be spat out onto the table to the right of the dining plate in a neat pile. Spitting onto the floor is only acceptable in cheap restaurants. Belching, smacking, and sipping is allowed Talking with a full mouth, eating with the elbows on the table and tasting from a table guest's plate is also allowed

British table manners

The fork is held in your left hand and the knife is held in your right when used at the same time (except for the left-handed, who may prefer to hold the knife in their left hand and the fork in their right). You should hold your knife with the handle in your palm and your fork in the other hand with the prongs pointing downwards. If youre eating a dessert, your fork (if you have one) should be held in the left hand and the spoon in the right. When eating soup, you should hold your spoon in your right hand and tip the bowl away from you, scooping the soup in movements away from yourself. The soup spoon should never be put into the mouth, and soup should be sipped from the side of the spoon, not the end. It is not acceptable to use your fingers at the table to eat or push food onto your fork. You may, however, eat some foods such as fruit, sandwiches, burgers, crisps, chips or pizza with your fingers; fingers are mandatory for eating some items, such as asparagus, which is traditionally served with sauce on the side for dipping. If there are a number of knives or forks, start from the outside set working your way in as each course is served. Drinks should always be to the right of the plate with the bread plate to the left. When eating bread rolls, break off a piece before buttering. Use your knife only to butter the bread, not to cut it. Do not start eating before the host does or instructs guests to do so. At meals with a very large number of people, it is acceptable to start eating once others have been served. When finished, place the knife and fork together at six oclock with your fork on the left (tines facing up) and knife on the right, with the knife blade facing in. This signals that one is finished. The napkin should never be screwed up. Nor should it be folded neatly as that would suggest 18

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 that your host might plan to use it again without washing itjust leave it neatly but loosely on the table. Never blow your nose on your napkin. Place it on your lap and use it to dab your mouth if you make a mess. It is considered rude to answer the telephone at the table. If you need to take an urgent call, excuse yourself and go outside. Always ask for permission from the host and excuse yourself if you need to leave the table. You should place your napkin on your seat until you return. It is considered common courtesy for all gentlemen at the table to stand when a lady arrives or leaves the table. If you must leave the table or are resting, your fork should be at eight oclock and your knife at four oclock (with the blade inwards). Once an item of cutlery has been used, it should not touch the table again. Food should be brought to your mouth on the back of the fork. Dishes should be served from the left, and taken away from the right. Unless the food is placed on your plate at the table, then it should arrive from the left. Drinks should be served from the right. Never lean across somebody elses plate. If you need something to be passed, ask the person closest to it. If you have to pass something, only pass it if you are closest to it and pass it directly to them if you can. Salt and pepper shakers should be passed together. Do not take food from a neighbors plate and dont ask to do so. You must not put your elbows on the table. If pouring a drink for yourself, offer to pour a drink for your neighbors before serving yourself. If extra food is on the table, ask others if they would like it before taking it yourself. When chewing food, close your mouth and only talk after you have swallowed it. Swallow all food before eating more or drinking. Do not slurp your food or eat loudly. Never pick food out of your teeth with your fingernails. Try to eat all the food you are served. Wine glasses should be held by the stem in the case of white wines, and by cupping the bowl in the case of red wines If port is served after the meal, then the decanter should be passed to the person on your left and never passed to the right. Never transfer food to your mouth with your knife.

American table manners a. Table Setting

Common American table setting. Note the alignment of the bottom of the flatware.

Bread or salad plates are to the left of the main plate, beverage glasses are to the right. If small bread knives are present, lay them across the bread plate with the handle pointing to the right. A table cloth extending 10 to 15 inches past the edge of the table should be used for formal dinners, while placemats may be used for breakfast, luncheon, and informal suppers. Modern etiquette provides the smallest numbers and types of utensils necessary for dining. Only utensils which are to be used for the planned meal should be set. Even if needed, hosts 19

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 should not have more than three utensils on either side of the plate before a meal. If extra utensils are needed, they may be brought to the table along with later courses. If a salad course is served early in the meal, the salad fork should be further from the main course fork, both set on the left. If a soup is served, the spoon is set on the right, further from the plate than the knife. Dessert utensils, a small (such as salad) fork and teaspoon should be placed above the main plate horizontally (bowl of spoon facing left, the fork below with tines facing right), or more formally brought with the dessert. For convenience, restaurants and banquet halls may not adhere to these rules, instead setting a uniform complement of utensils at each seat. If a wine glass and a water glass are set, the wine glass is on the right directly above the knife. The water glass is to the left of the wine glass at a 45 degree angle, closer to the diner. Glasses designed for certain types of wine may be set if available. If only one type of glass is available, it is considered correct regardless of the type of wine provided. Hosts should always provide cloth napkins to guests. When paper napkins are provided, they should be treated the same as cloth napkins, and therefore should not be balled up or torn. Napkin rings are only used for napkins which will be used repeatedly by members of the household, and therefore should never be used with a guest's napkin as they only receive freshly laundered ones. Napkins may be set on the plate, or to the left of the forks. Coffee or tea cups are placed to the right of the table setting, or above the setting to the right if space is limited. The cup's handle should be pointing right. Candlesticks, even if not lit, should not be on the table while dining during daylight hours.

b. Before Dining

Mens' and unisex hats should never be worn at the table. Ladies' hats may be worn during the day if visiting others. Before sitting down to a formal meal, gentlemen stand behind their chairs until the women are seated. A prayer or 'blessing' may be customary in some households, and the guests may join in or be respectfully silent. Most prayers are made by the host before the meal is eaten. Hosts should not practice an extended religious ritual in front of invited guests who have different beliefs. A toast may be offered instead of or in addition to a blessing. One does not start eating until (a) every person is served or (b) those that have not been served request that you begin without waiting. At more formal occasions all diners should be served at the same time and will wait until the hostess or host lifts a fork or spoon before beginning. Napkins are placed in the lap. At more formal occasions diners will wait to place their napkins on their laps until the host places his or her napkin on his or her lap. One waits until the host has picked up his or her fork or spoon before starting to eat. When eating very messy foods, such as barbecued ribs or crab, in an informal setting, where it must be eaten with the fingers and could cause flying food particles, a 'bib' or napkin tucked into the collar may be used by adults. Wet wipes or ample paper napkins should be provided to clean the hands. In formal settings, bibs or napkins used as such are improper, and food should be prepared by the chef so that it may be eaten properly with the provided utensils. Even if one has dietary restrictions, it is inappropriate for non-relatives to request food other than that which is being served by the host at a private function.

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c. General Manners while Dining

When a dish is offered from a serving dish (a.k.a. family style), as is the traditional manner, the food may be passed around or served by a host or staff. If passed, you should pass on the serving dish to the next person in the same direction as the other dishes are being passed. Place the serving dish on your left, take some, and pass to the person next to you. You should consider how much is on the serving dish and not take more than a proportional amount so that everyone may have some. If you do not care for any of the dish, pass it to the next person without comment. If being served by a single person, the server should request if the guest would like any of the dish. The guest may say "Yes, please," or "No, thank you." When serving, serve from the left and pick-up the dish from the right. Beverages, however, are to be both served as well as removed from the right-hand side. Dip your soup spoon away from you into the soup. Eat soup noiselessly, from the side of the spoon. When there is a small amount left, you may lift the front end of the dish slightly with your free hand to enable collection of more soup with your spoon. If you are having difficulty getting food onto your fork, use a small piece of bread or your knife to assist. Never use your fingers or thumb. You may thank or converse with the staff, but it is not necessary, especially if engaged in conversation with others. It is acceptable in the United States not to accept all offerings, and to not finish all the food on your plate. No one should ask why another doesn't want any of a dish or why he has not finished a serving. There should be no negative comments about the food nor of the offerings available. Chew with your mouth closed. Does not slurp, talk with food in your mouth, or make loud or unusual noises while eating. Say "Excuse me," or "Excuse me. I'll be right back," before leaving the table. Do not state that you are going to the restroom. Do not talk excessively loudly. Give others equal opportunities for conversation. Refrain from blowing your nose at the table. Excuse yourself from the table if you must do so. Burping, coughing, yawning, or sneezing at the table should be avoided. If you do so, say, "Excuse me." Never slouch or tilt back while seated in your chair. Do not "play with" your food or utensils. Never wave or point silverware. You may rest forearms or hands on the table, but not elbows. Do not stare at others. Do not talk on your phone or "text" at the table, or otherwise do something distracting, such as read or listen to a personal music player. Reading at the table is permitted only at breakfast. If an urgent matter arises, apologize, excuse yourself, and step away from the table so your conversation does not disturb the others. If food must be removed from the mouth for some reason, it should be done using the same method which was used to bring the food to the mouth, i.e. by hand, by fork, etc., with the exception of fish bones, which are removed from the mouth between the fingers. Before asking for additional helpings, always finish the serving on your plate first. Gentlemen should stand when a lady leaves or rejoins the table in formal social settings.

d. Using Utensils

The fork is used to convey solid food to the mouth. Do not use your fingers unless eating foods customarily eaten as such, such as bread, asparagus spears, chicken wings, pizza, etc. 21

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Do not make unnecessary noises with utensils. The fork may be used either in the "American" style (use the fork in your left hand while cutting; switch to right hand to pick up and eat a piece) or the European "Continental" style (fork always in left hand). Unless a knife stand is provided, the knife should be placed on the edge of your plate when not in use and should face inward. When you have finished eating soup from a bowl or larger "soup plate," the spoon should be placed on the flat plate beneath, if one is present. As courses are served, use your silverware from the outside moving inward toward the main plate. Dessert utensils are either above the main plate or served with dessert.

e. At the end of the meal

When you have finished your meal, place all used utensils onto your plate together, on the right side, pointed up, so the waiter knows you have finished. Do not place used utensils on the table. Except in a public restaurant, do not ask to take some uneaten food or leftovers home, and never do so when attending a formal dinner. A host may suggest that extra food be taken by the guests, but should not insist. Leave the napkin on the seat of your chair only if leaving temporarily. When you leave the table at the end of the meal, loosely place the used napkin on the table to the left of your plate. Wait for your host or hostess to rise before getting up from a dinner party table

f. During the Meal:

Don't order messy food - pasta with lots of sauce, chicken with bones, ribs, big sandwiches, and whole lobsters are all dangerous. Don't order the most expensive entree on the menu. Do order food that is easy to cut into bite-size pieces. The polite way to eat soup is to spoon it away from you. There's less chance of spilling in your lap that way too! Break your dinner roll into small pieces and eat it a piece at a time. If you need to leave the table, put your napkin on the seat or the arm of your chair. When you've finished eating, move your knife and fork to the "four o'clock" position so the server knows you're done. Remember to try and relax, listen, and participate in the conversation.

g. To Drink or Not to Drink:

It's wise not to drink alcohol during an interview. Interviewing is tough enough without adding alcohol to the mix.

h. After the Meal:

Put your napkin on the table next to your plate. 22

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Let the prospective employer pick up the tab. The person who invited you will expect to pay both the bill and the tip. Remember to say "thank you." Consider also following-up with a thank you note which reiterates your interest in the job.

Ten Basic Etiquette Tips for Business Meals

1Etiquette is all about other people. The whole point is not to make others feel uncomfortable. Be gracious and open, not uptight. Dress appropriately and if you are in doubt as to what is appropriate, call and ask someone. Please, no grooming at the table! 2Wait until everyone at your table is served before you begin eating. If your plate is the one still missing, encourage others to begin without you so their food doesnt get cold. 3Which is my water? Remember BMWBread on the left, Meal in the Middle, Water (or any drink) on the Right. 4Bread & Butter: Put the butter on your bread & butter plate, then break (dont cut) the bread one bite at a time and butter each bite individually. 5Passing: Generally, pass items to your left. Unless something is right in front of you, ask that it be passed to you. 6Sweetener wrappers: Place neatly next to your glass or under your saucer. 7Cut food one or two bites at a time. The idea here is not to create a bigger mess than necessary on your plate. 8Turn your cell phone off! If it rings audibly, reject the call, apologize and turn off the ringer. If you answer the call, you are telling everyone you are with that you and your caller are more important than they areserious breach of etiquette! 9As to alcohol: Follow the lead of your host (although never in a job interview!) and dont exceed your personal limits. 10All done? Imagine your plate is a clock. Lay your knife & fork across your plate at the 4:00 position, with the knife & fork (tines up) pointing to 10:00. Fold your napkin and place it to the left of your plate.

Dining Etiquette
Dining with Confidence Did you know that the point of etiquette rules is to make you feel comfortable, not uncomfortable? The idea is that if there are standards that people abide by, then you can have confidence that you are 23

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 behaving "appropriately." It takes the guesswork out of public behavior. I was blessed to have parents who taught me dining etiquette, but many people are not so fortunate. When I started traveling for business as a young man, it really made corporate dinners less intimidating. Bread on the Left, Drink on the Right Which drink is yours? This is one of the first decisions at the dinner table because oftentimes, napkins are in the glass when you arrive at the table.

b d
Here is an easy tip to help you remember. Hold both hands in front of you, palms facing each other. Using the tips of your thumb and forefinger, make circles on each hand. The remaining three fingers in each hand point upwards. Your left hand will form a "b" and your right hand will form a "d". Bread (b) is on the left, and drink (d) is on the right. Thank you Martha Stewart for that tip. If your neighbor has already taken your bread plate or drink, quietly ask the waiter for another. Napkins Napkins belong in your lap. Large napkins can be folded in half or with a quarter folded over the top. They should never be tucked into your shirt like a bib. Wait for the host to unfold his napkin before unfolding yours. In a banquet setting or at a restaurant, simply place your napkin in your lap as soon as you are seated. If you excuse yourself from the table, loosely fold the napkin and place it to the left or right of your plate. Do not refold your napkin or wad it up on the table either. Note: Some respected etiquette experts will disagree and flatly state that when leaving the table, you should hang the napkin over the back of your chair. Whatever you do, do not place the napkin in the seat of your chair. You don't want to wipe your mouth with a napkin that has been left on the seat. Place Settings Etiquette Place settings can be confusing. The general rule for silverware is to work from the outside in as the meal progresses.

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1. Dinner plate - The center of the place setting. When finished eating, do not push the plate away from you. Instead, place both your fork and knife across the center of the plate, handles to the right. . Between bites, your fork and knife are placed on the plate, handles to the right, not touching the table. 2. Soup bowl - May be placed on the dinner plate. If you need to set your soup spoon down, place it in the bowl. Do not put it on the dish under the bowl until finished. 3. Bread plate - Belongs just above the tip of the fork. Bread should be broken into bite -sized pieces, not cut. Butter only the piece you are preparing to eat. When butter is served, put some on your bread plate and use as needed. 4. Napkin - Placed to the left of the fork with the fold on the left. Sometimes placed under the forks or on the plate. 5. Salad fork - If a salad fork is used, it belongs to the left of the dinner fork. 6. Dinner fork - Placed to the left of the plate. No more than three forks to the left of the plate. If there are three forks, they are usually salad, fish, and meat, in order of use, from outside in. An oyster fork always goes to the right of the soup spoon. 7. Butter knife - Place horizontally on bread plate. 8. Dessert spoon - Above the plate. 9. Cake fork - Above the plate. 10. Dinner knife - To the right of the plate. Sometimes there are multiple knives, perhaps for meat, fish, and salad, in order of use from outside in. 11. Tea spoon - To the right of the dinner knife. 12. Soup spoon - If needed, to the right of the tea spoon. 13. Water glass - Just above the tip of the knife. 14. Red wine glass - To the right of the water glass. 15. White wine glass - To the right of the red wine glass. A glass of white wine is held on its stem to preserve the chill. It should be served at 45 to 55 degrees Fahrenheit. 16. Coffee cup and saucer not pictured - If needed, bring at time of coffee service. Serving Food

Pass food from the left to the right. If asked for the salt or pepper, pass both together. Food is served from the left. 25

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Dishes are removed from the right. Butter, spreads, or dips should be transferred from the serving dish to your plate before spreading or eating.

General Dining Etiquette

Start eating hot food when it is served, do not wait for everyone else to begin. For soup, dip the spoon into the soup, from the edge of the bowl to the center, moving away from you. Only fill it 3/4 full to avoid spilling. Sip, not slurp, from the edge of the spoon. Do not insert the whole bowl of the spoon into your mouth. It is proper to tip a soup bowl slightly to get all of the soup. Never turn the glass upside down to decline wine. It is more polite to let the wine be poured and not draw attention to yourself. If you are asked about wine and will not be drinking, quietly decline. Do not ask for a doggy bag unless it is an informal dining situation. Do not smoke at the table. Do not ask to taste someone else's food. Similarly, do not offer a taste of your food to someone else. Taste your food before seasoning it. For hard to scoop items like peas, use your knife or a piece of bread to push the items onto your fork. Do not use your fingers. Do not talk with your mouth full. Cut only enough food for the next mouthful. Chew with your mouth closed. If soup is too hot to eat, let it cool in bowl. Do not blow on it. Practice good posture. If not eating, place your hand in your lap or rest your wrists on the edge of the table. Do not put your elbows on the table. If hot food is burning your mouth, discretely drink something cool to counteract the food. When dining out, order foods that can be eaten with utensils. Meeting materials or briefcases should be placed under your chair until it is time to discuss business. Try to pace your meal to finish at the same time as your host or the majority of the group at the table. Do not blow your nose at the dinner table. Excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room. If you cough, cover your mouth with your napkin to stop the spread of germs and muffle the noise. If your cough becomes unmanageable, excuse yourself to visit the restroom. Wash your hands before returning to the dining room.

Casual Dining Exceptions Eating out with your friends is not an excuse to become a slob. However, dining etiquette guidelines are not as important when eating a burger and fries at Chilies.

Do not worry about ordering foods that are eaten with your hands - burgers, fajitas, sandwiches, etc. When sharing chips and salsa at your favorite Mexican food restaurant, do not concern yourself with transferring salsa to your own plate. However, do not double dip. In other words, do not dip your chip, bite off a piece, and then re-dip your chip. 26

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Beverages
Ordering beverages is a subject that can be done either before or after ordering. It is an unwritten rule that diners not conform to what everyone else is drinking, but rather be independent in deciding on a beverage. As far as technique goes for drinking beverages, there is the art of holding the glass and how to drink it. Let us first start with how to hold the glass.

Holding the Glass

Hold large stemmed glasses by the base of the bowl. White chilled wine and small stemmed glasses should be held by the stem. Goblets should be held at the base of the glass. Brandy snifters should be held by the under side of the bowl with the hand turned upward.

Taking a drink

Make sure to swallow first. You don't want any food in your mouth when you take a drink. You should wipe your lips with a napkin first, this keeps the glass free of grease and food marks.

Utensils
Forks are placed to the left of the plate; the only exception is the fish fork, which is placed to the right. Knives are placed to the inside, closest to the plate on the right side with the cutting side facing towards the plate. The sharper of the two, usually the steak knife, is on the very inside. Spoons are placed to the right of the spoons. The soup spoon is placed to the outside of the teaspoons. The best and easiest way to remember which to use is to begin at the outside and work your way in. Water and wine glasses are placed to the upper right of the plate. The bread and butter plate is to the left of the wine and water glasses. The napkin has two common locations--folded and placed in the center of the dinner plate or to the left of the plate, usually under the forks.

Serving
At a formal restaurant or banquet, food is usually served to guests in the following order: 1. guest of honor 2. female guests 27

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 3. male guests 4. hostess 5. host After the guest of honor, the women and men are served in one of two ways:

Dishes can be presented to guests in the order of their seating, starting at the host's right Dishes may be served in order of seniority, starting with the most influential and proceeding down to the least prominent guest.

In restaurants, often times groups will include neither a guest of honor, nor hosts, so the meals will simply be served first to the women, then to the men. In general, food is often served from the left. This is because most people are right-handed, so when a waiter must use his right hand to serve from a platter, it is least intrusive if he stands to the left. All beverages are served and poured from the left. Glassware is set above and to the right of the guest's plate, and trying to pour from the left would force the server to reach in front of the diner.

Specialty Foods
There are a number of finger foods that may be eaten with the fingers once they have been taken off the serving plate and placed on your own plate. Examples of these include: artichoke, asparagus, bread, bacon, chips, celery, carrots, corn on the cob, cookies, crackers, fried chicken, hors d'oeuvres, olives, sandwiches, small fruits, radishes, and other like items. French fries should be eaten with a fork if they are small or the soft wide type. The crispy critters can be eaten by hand. Whole fish should be eaten by first slicing off the head and placing it to the side of the plate. Then hold the fish firmly with the fork and use the tip of the knife under the end of the backbone and lift out with the aid of the fork. Remove the skeleton and cut the remainder in small pieces. A baked potato, if in foil, can be eaten by first cutting the foil and then spreading it with the knife and fork or the fingers. The foil should not be removed, nor should it be made into a ball and tossed around the table. Butter for corn on the cob should be spread with a knife, rather than spinning over the stick of butter. Special forks are usually brought with lobster or crab for eating the meat. The fingers can be used to crack the shells and remove the meat.

Miscellaneous
Napkin Use:
As soon as you are seated, you should remove your napkin from your place setting, unfold it away from the table top, and place it in your lap. If it is a small napkin, it should be completely unfolded. If it is a large dinner napkin, it should be left folded in half, lengthwise. The napkin should be used to gently to blot your mouth, meant only to be dabbed at the lips and should not get dirty in the process. Therefore, at a formal event, the napkin is not provided to help you clean up any mess that might occur during the course of the meal. 28

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 When you leave the table at the end of the meal, place your napkin loosely next to your plate. It should not be crumpled or twisted, nor should it be left on the chair.

Holding a Utensil:
In general use, both the spoon and fork are held horizontally by balancing them between the first knuckle of the middle finger and the tip of the index finger, while the thumb steadies the handle. The knife is used with the tip of the index finger gently pressing out over the top of the blade to guide you as you cut.

Eating Bread and Butter:

Bread should be broken into small, bite-sized pieces and should be buttered piece by piece, rather than all at once. One exception to this is with rolls that are served warm, which can be broken or cut in half, and each half can then be buttered. The butter knife should remain on the bread plate, rather than on the dinner plate.

Eating Soup:
Dip the soup into the spoon, moving it away from the body, then sip the liquid from the side of the spoon. You should never insert the whole bowl of the spoon into your mouth. It is also important that you never slurp your soup!

Eating Salad:
The salad bowl or plate will be on the left and should remain there, which may be a little difficult for the right-handed person to eat. You can use a piece of bread or cracker to get pieces of salad onto your fork if you are having trouble. When finished, the salad fork should be placed on the serving dish that the salad bowl came with. If there is no dish, place the fork in the bowl.

Eating Meat:
There are two ways to use a knife to cut and eat your food--American (Zig Zag) Style and European (Continental) Style. Either style is considered appropriate. With the American (Zig Zag) Style, you cut the food by holding the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left hand with the fork tines holding the food to the plate. You cut one or two bite-sized pieces and then lay the knife across the top edge of the plate with the sharp edge facing in. Before eating the bite-sized piece, you switch the fork from the left hand to the right hand, with the fork tines facing up. The European (Continental) Style is the same as the American Style in that you cut your meat by holding the knife in the right hand while securing your food with the fork in the left hand. The fork then remains in the left hand, tines facing down, and the knife in the right hand. You eat the cut pieces of food by picking them up with the fork still in the left hand.

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Eating Dessert:
When finished eating dessert, you should place the spoon or fork on the serving dish. If a pudding bowl or stemmed dish comes with the dish, put the spoon on the dish.

Salt & Pepper:

You should never season your food before tasting it first. You should always pass both the salt and pepper, even if just the salt or just the pepper is requested. When passing the salt and pepper, you should pick up both of them and place them on the table within reach of the person next to you, who will do the same, and so on, until they reach the person who asked for them. The salt and pepper are not passed hand to hand.

Leaving the table:

A guest should never leave the table unless it is absolutely necessary. If you must leave, you should excuse yourself and get up quietly. You should leave on the right side of the chair and place the napkin on the chair as you leave. If you are not returning, you should place the napkin on the table.

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Problems and Accidents

If you decide to eat something at your dinner, you are at the risk of having an accident or encountering a problem of some sort. If you don't like something you have put in your mouth or find it is inedible for some reason, do not spit it out on your plate. If you can't swallow it, you can remove the object with a utensil. Use a utensil and return the object to your plate. If the object has left behind a stain or mark, dip the corner of a napkin in water and gently rub the spot. Do not apologize to anyone for making a mess on yourself. Forget it and move on eating. If you drop your napkin, it should be left and a new napkin requested from your server. If you drop a utensil, you can pick it up if it is within reach, but you should request a new one from your server. If the utensil is not within reach, you should leave it there and ask your server for a new one.

Serving Wine
In all wine tasting and drinking instances, the wine glass should be held by the stem, not the bowl. The heat of your hand will adjust the taste of the wine. The serving order will stay the same whether you are in a restaurant or a home. Wine is poured for women first, followed by older gentlemen and the host will be poured for last. As in a previous article on tasting rooms, begin serving light white wines to open an evening and a meal. Since you are serving in your own home, the menu is up to you. This can be a daunting task. There are many suggestions for menus online as well as wine pairing. When deciding to sample a few bottles of wine, be sure to select foods that will complement the wines such as cheese and fruit. Swiss, Brie and Gouda go excellently well with white wine. Youll want to move next to the red wines. Reds have a heavier body than whites. Select a red that goes well with your main dish. If you are having a simple party rather than a sit-down meal, have cheeses that will bring out the flavor of the wine. Finish off the evening with a sweet dessert wine. Port is a wonderful choice. Make sure you choose a dessert that will compliment it. When opening your evening and serving the white wine, you want to make sure the temperature is correct. Whites and roses are best when they are served slightly chilled, at 50 degrees. Regardless of white or red, it is better to err on the side of coolness. Slightly cool rather than slightly warm is much more desirable. Always check your cork upon opening. Many people will dump wine that has a cork which is moldy on the top end. This, in fact, has no effect on the wine. What it really means is that the bottle of wine was aged in the producers cellar which was most likely damp. The mold resulted from this proper storage and is actually a good thing. Swirling the wine in your glass allows the aroma to be released. Although many sommeliers insist that there is usually no harm in a moldy cork, upon swirling and getting a good sniff, youll want to make sure there is no moldy smell. The aromas should be pleasing to the nose. If the smell is what many call a wet basement or dirty socks odor, the wine is said to be corked. This means that the wine 31

Professional Etiquette IFT 2011 has been tainted by a moldy cork. Cork taint can affect all wines and is irrespective of quality level or price. Most often this tainting is due to TCA. This reduces the inherent aromas of the wine and, at high levels, can make a wine completely undrinkable. This undrinkability, however, does not make the wine harmful when consumed. When serving red wine in your home, consider decanting. There are two reasons to decant a bottle of wine. First, decanting will soften the tannins of a young red wine. Because its not always practical to open a bottle of wine and let it breathe for two hours, decanting (pouring the wine into a glass decanter) reduces this breathing time. Another reason to decant is it will separate the wine from the sediment. This sediment would be readily apparent in a 20 year old port or an older red wine. b. Wine Etiquette at Dinner Whether you are dining at a home or a restaurant, the desired outcome for the evening is people and conversation not wine. Sure wine can be on the menu. And it certainly can enhance both the food and an evening in general. There is, however, more to life than oaky flavors and top notes. Unless youre participating in a wine club with these people at this particular dinner party, your expertise needs to be kept on the back burner. For the self-proclaimed wine snob (or maybe thats a term used behind your back), wine does add to an evening. But unless you are in Napa for a weekend or tasting at a winery, its not necessary to swirl the wine for color and comment on its legs. Nor is it acceptable to stick your entire nose into the glass and inhale deeply. Sure the guy at the winery showed you the proper way to inhale the wine in order to track down all components of the bottle. Performing acts like this in pubic, among friends, however, elevates your knowledge from snobbery to total geek Dom. When couples dine out with a few friends its a time for conversation. At this event you are not the wine connoisseur and you are not judging a wine. You are dining out with friends. We all get together to catch up on the happening in each others lives. We crave laughter, companionship and a friendly ear. Our hope is that dinner will be sumptuous, drinks will enhance our food and conversation will drizzle over the entire evening. This is the desired outcome of the evening. So remind yourself you are not contemplating purchasing a case of this particular wine. You arent even bringing home a bottle for yourself. You are sitting at a table eating dinner. The wine is an accessory, not the main course. Lets bring you back to the dinner table and reintroduce you to your surroundings. Finding out about the new puppy of the person next to you is acceptable. Laughing at a friends crazy day is encouraged. Commenting on how well the wine brings out the flavor of the lamb (or chicken or cheese, etc.) is fine. But commenting on how poorly the berries are in the wine and how it hurts the color or what the scent of the top notes are, borders on nerd-doom. It causes you to sound like a wine nut wants-be. So suppress your desire to slosh the wine in your mouth on that initial taste and consider your companions. You are out to visit with your friends. When you all take off for that weekend in Wine Country then tout your expertise. Until then look around the table and smile. Enjoy the company of the people and dont fret the wine. Kate Spade's book "Occasions" is a great read with many points directed at being a guest and hosting too.

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