Conversational Killer Self-Assessment Chart

Name: ____________________________________________ Date: ________________________________________

Witness: __________________________________________

Directions: How many times in 1 lunar cycle of 28 days would you actively be participating in the following conversational killers? If you are always doing the particular conversational killer, give your self (-10 points). If you do it a lot, then (-7 pts), if only sometimes then (-3 pts), If only a few times then (1 pts) and if you never do it then a (zero). Be ruthlessly honest with your self! At the end of the assessment have someone witness it who knows you well and can challenge your assessment.

Conversational Killer 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Always A lot -10 pts -7 pts

Sometimes

A few Times -1 pts

Never 0 pts

Score

-3 pts

Blah Blah Blah Blaming Dismissive Distraction Diversion Gossip Intensity Gap Interruption Jab Judgment Out to Lunch Rant
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Conversational Killer Self-Assessment Chart

13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

Red Herring Shaming Spaced Out Yank the Chain Under the Influence Overwhelm Hi-Jack Poor Me Freak Out Sob Story Butt IN Overkill

Scores:
Score Assessment: Over -200 = Completely Trapped in Pattern Land -100 to -200 = Very Trapped in Patterns but Some Hope -50 to -100 = Certain Specific Patterns Holding You Back Under -50 = A Conscious Communicator 0 = A Master Communicator

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Conversational Killer Self-Assessment Chart Conversational Killer Glossary

Blaming: To attribute fault. Blah Blah Blah: To go on and on without knowing that people have stopped listening. Butt In: To walk into a conversation that is already occurring and to just start talking. Dismissive: To dismiss someone's opinion as invalid and not worthy of attention. Distraction: To distract, divide the attention, or prevent concentration. Diversion: To draw someone's attention away from the point of a conversation. Freak Out: To be out of emotional control to such a degree that everything around you become chaotic. Gossip: To talk idly or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. Hi-Jack: To take over a conversation from the original intention of the group. Interruption: To cut someone off in the middle of speaking at an inappropriate time. Intensity Gap: To be so much more energetic in a conversation that you lose people not used to it. Jab: To quickly criticize someone, subtly or not so subtly, sometimes disguised in humor. Judgment: To judge anothers opinion as wrong or bad. Out To Lunch: To be so far out in left field that there is no shared meaning. Overkill: To go overboard either emotionally or with information with something that didnt need it. Overwhelm: To give too much information at either a rapid pace or at too high a level (or both). Poor Me: To speak endlessly about how the world is doing you in without taking any responsibility. Rant: To spew your negative opinion in a one sided manner without awareness of the impact. Red Herring: To lay a false scent so that the conversation's intention is missed. Shaming: To have the intention to cause another to feel shame. Sob Story: To tell a story that you have told to everyone about some painful experience you had with no intention to heal, only to get sympathy. Spaced Out: To be up in the clouds and not in touch with a grounded reality. Yank The Chain: To give the illusion of desiring to reach an agreement but having no intention to do so. Under The Influence: To be intoxicated with alcohol or drugs to such a point that it harms the interaction.

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