2010-2011 Issue I

THE
Year III - Issue I
rifter
Comment - Debate - PolitiCs - arts - Creative FiCtion - Community - year iii - issue i -
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E D I T O R I A L
B O A R D
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Nick Medline Managing Editor
WHAT REVOLUTION ? NICK MEDLINE COMMENT CARTOON MICHAEL LEMANSKI EDUCATION MICHAEL LEMANSKI THE BOOST MACKENZIE GILMORE REID KERR-KELLER IS ALIEN THE STOMPING GROUND FOR DIRRECTORIAL GENIUS ? ANDREW SAVORY LUCKY GUY SPENCER BARTON MODERN LOVE DANIEL DAVIDSON-KALMAR EAR WAXED JACK GROSS HOLLY ROLLER ANDREW MCCONNELL ANTIDRUG PATRICK COFFEY
Michael Lemanski Design and Layout Editor
C O N T R I B U T O R S
Spencer Barton Patrick Coffey Daniel DavidsonKalmar Mackenzie Gilmore Jack Gross Reid Kerr-Keller Michael Lemanski Andrew McConnell Nick Medline Andrew Savory
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F A C U L T Y A D V I S O R
Ms. J. Somerville, English Department
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ARTISTIC CREDITS
All photographs from the RSGC Gallery. Covers adapted by Michael Lemanski from RSGC Gallery photographs. All illustrations by Michael Lemanski.
The Official RSGC Student Publication -1-
PUZZLES AND CODES
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C O M M E N T A R Y
WHAT REVOLUTION?
of clarification, I sent the student a message, wondering whether he was making it his own business to NICK MEDLINE collect articles. An hour later, he responded, informing me of an underground effort he planned Underground is cool. to resurrect. In the best interests Under mining is not. of privacy, I will not reveal any On March 3rd, I was preparing specific content of this message. to leave a first-floor workspace It did, however, conclude with the when one of my peers entered. following words: Clandestinely We shared a brief, unimportant yours, The Chairman*. He also discussion, and then I noticed a assured me it was nothing perpaper he had laid down on his sonal and that I must not tell desk. On it was the word smok- anyone. (I did pretty well on that ing- this jumped out- and several front.) This valediction assured me edits, closely resembling those I that the rise of Le Bonheur would normally receive before The Grifter be nothing less than bizarre. is printed. I expected this to be a fleeting moment of paranoia and You will be hard pressed to find continued to pack my textbooks. someone who dislikes the concept He turned towards me, though, of an underground newspaper. and asked a question something Sneaking behind the administraalong the lines of Are you in- tion to write articles that critique volved with The Grifter anymore? school policy is an attractive ideaYes, I replied, Ive told Michael albeit one that would inevitably to continue making announce- result in consequences should the ments and weve begged for arti- editor be exposed. On February cles over the past two months, but 7th, a grade nine student sent me no one is writing, so I mean, what a piece and asked if his identity can you do? He nodded and I ex- could be hidden. It was fluidly ited the room. Not long after this written, but there were comments encounter, perhaps on the subway unsuitable for The Grifter. I was northbound, it hit me: something compelled to decline his work, as strange was in the works. In need throughout last year, I was con-2tinually made aware that both our staff supervisor and the administration must approve each article. After digesting The Chairmans message, I grew skeptical of its prospects for success. It was distressing that The Chairman had made a concerted effort to hide this while Michael and I searched for anything that could be published, but at the time, this was none of my business. Despite my concern, I made the mistake of assuming The Grifter and Le Bonheur would coexist peacefully as separate publicationsone sanctioned by the school, the other kept a secret. The problem is that Le Bonheur is not an underground newspaper. At some point on the day I stumbled upon The Chairmans plans, he flipped copies of the edited articles to Mr. Fitzpatrick and Dr. Leatch. The following day, the two met and quickly determined that the content was not even remotely inappropriate. Upon realizing Le Bonheur had been sent to the administration, its development quickly became an issue. The process was identical, the articles could all have been included in The Grifter, but The Chairman appeared fixed on
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creating his personal project. As the mystery unravels, it is still unclear why the creation of Le Bonheur was necessary. Underground is cool. Undermining is not.
of pace) and felt relieved to learn that I am not the only person who has dreamt of Arshia HayatDavoudi. As he distributed copies of Le Bonheur, The Chairman remarked, I can print what I I arranged to meet with The want! No one said otherwise. Le Chairman on March 9th intend- Bonheur does not break any rules, ing to generate discussion, which, but that does not make it all right. judging from the attempt to hide Le Bonheur, was something he had The odds of preserving anonymhoped to avoid. The meeting last- ity at RSGC, for any project, are ed for over an hour, and it shed slim (our motto is Known and light on a few interesting details. Loved, after all). This becomes I still wonder why the Chairman especially difficult when writers chose to start his own newspaper barge into your classroom shoutrather than aid and improve the ing, Yo, Ill get you the thing struggling Grifter. Michael and I later and you respond with a had held two fairly well attend- supportive thumb up. Anonymity, ed meetings in January and of- ironically, is entirely self-serving. fered gift cards to new writers in The whole scenario brought to hopes of kindling enthusiasm, but mind one of my favourite epiour deadline passed quietly with sodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm, merely three submissions. There a television series that revolves were five articles in the first edi- around Larry David, the deluded, tion of Le Bonheur. Had they been obscene, but ultimately insightful submitted to The Grifter, I would creator of Seinfeld. After donathave accepted all five without ing money to the NRDC, Larry hesitation. Names would have is having a wing named after him. been included in this scenario, He attends the ceremony, and but if the content is deemed ap- notices that the other wing had propriate, what is there to hide? been donated by Anonymous. His wife Cheryl whispers in his For those who may have been ear, I know who it is. Its Ted absent, on March 11th, Le Bon- (Danson). Ted is anonymous. heur was released. I enjoyed the Larry quickly discovers that evinnocuous satire (a nice change eryone at the event is aware of -3-
Teds anonymous contribution, and Senator Barbara Boxer praises Ted for his selflessness while ignoring the disgruntled Larry. Youre either anonymous or youre not! cries Larry, and he makes a valid point. Le Bonheur now has its own e-mail account, a website may be launched, and it persists with faux anonymity. When does the game end? The intentions of Le Bonheur may have been harmless. All I know is that on March 3rd, while The Grifter struggled to make any headway, I realized that The Chairman had taken on the responsibility of editing a schoolsanctioned publication. It felt like an exercise in humiliation. The impotence of failing to produce The Grifter was nothing in comparison with the seeming betrayal that culminated in Le Bonheur. Our school newspaper was attempting to collect articles, and instead of joining a collaborative effort, The Chairman found it an ideal opportunity to launch an individual project. Some things are better left above ground. From Spencer Bartons haunting portrait of a homeless man living on city streets, to Andrew Savorys discovery of a link be-
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tween prominent film directors, to Patrick Coffeys provocative slam poetry, this edition of The Grifter balances creativity and investiga-
tion. I look forward to receiving frequency of printing. We should submissions for future issues, and be proud to put our names on our hope we can generate enough articles; we have nothing to hide. momentum to greatly quicken the
COMMENT CARTOONS
MICHAEL LEMANSKI
7. Thou shall steal
Dont listen to counter-revolutionary media; they are the hallucinogen consuming tool of Al Qaeda!
EDUCATION
MICHAEL LEMANSKI
This speech was given by Michael at the National Public Speaking Championships held at St. Johns Ravenscourt School this past February. unsurprising that this process has become the cornerstone of our contemporary society. In Canada we pride ourselves in having one of the best education systems in the world as measured by numer-
T he mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.
Plutarch, reminds us of its timeless virtue and infinite value. For all its diverse forms and natural complexities, education can be Such a view of education, as ex- thought of in terms of a single pressed by the Greek philosopher wordpotential. It is therefore -4-
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ous studies, surveys and rankings. Parents eagerly send their children to school; students passions and interests develop as class curricula become more focused; everyone is able to pursue their dream with a multitude of university choices. Is this not a model system? Is this not what we strive for in making education a universal global phenomenon? Most, if not all would answer with an emphatic Yes! to both questions. It may therefore come as a shock, ladies and gentlemen, to know that we have it all terribly wrong! If measured by the aforementioned assumptions, our system is indeed exemplarythere is no doubt. The issue is not however the implementation of what we believe; the contemporary educational philosophy is riddled with fallacies, half-truths and misguided goals. Academics and philosophers including Mortimer Alder and Robert Hutchinson have cautioned us about its dangers, but their warning were not heeded. Now, our failings are most evident in our university system, which is supposed to represent the highest level of thought, understanding and enquiry. Put simply, post-secondary education in Canada suffers from a dilution of
standards, a dilution of achievements, a dilution of purpose. The impact of such a mindset on our economic and social situation Attaining a university degree is is also dire. As degrees have bewidely seen as a means to an end. come a prerequisite to a good job, This approach appears to make the gap between skilled and afflusense considering that gradu- ent and the unskilled and poor has ates earn about twice as much as grown. As incomes have gradutheir high school only educated ally moved to polar extremes, our counterparts. Consider, however, economy has come to increasingly the implications of such a system. favor educated jobseekers. With Growing societal atychiphobia no middle ground, the disadvanpressures students, to choose uni- taged and unemployable are reversity stream programs or cours- ceding further and further into the es, therefore increasing the rate pit of despair and poverty. This, of university attendance among taken to the extreme over time, Canadian youth. When one con- fosters resentment and has proved siders more advanced degrees, the root cause of dysfunction and however, there is no correspond- unrest. Furthermore, historically, ing trend. It is now common for a the over-education of the remainstudent to just go to any university, der of the population creates an earn a basic degree and disappear oversupply of labor, suppresses into the workforce. As our post- wages and results in distresssecondary institutions become ingly high underemployment. filled with such students and begin to cater to this growing tendency, While the aforesaid repercusthey treat the mind as a vessel to be sions of maintaining our current filled. They extinguish the flame educational philosophy may seem of discovery and treat students to far off and intangible, there is a watered down portion of higher an even more pressing reason to educations nectar. The result is, change our ways. Troubles, rooted as noted by an OECD study on in the current system, will amplify the matter, fewer Canadian grad- in the near future. A strong precuate students in the fields of sci- edent can be found in Englands ence and engineering and Cana- university system. Over the past da having one of the lowest rates half-century, the dream of a Britof PhD completion in the world. ish social democracy has affected -5-
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substantial change in what was once the most revered mechanism for erudition in the world. What has changed? Strict government control over these institutions has reduced them to an exemplar of what is wrong. Under the guise of improving social mobility, the state has turned higher education into an expensive entitlement. Telling of the lack of perspective that young Britons have is the damning headlineONLY two thirds of students will be admitted to university!a number that should strike us as abnormally high. The state of education in that country has gotten to such a point that it is near impossible to simply cut ridiculous university programs, like a major in waste management with a minor in dance. With the prospect of tuition fee increases on the horizon, the donnish members of the population riot in the streets, creating chaos from which not even the apolitical royals are safe. The English model has failed to achieve its lofty aims; there has been no melding of social classes. Fewer than ten percent of those attending an institution of higher learning come from impoverished backgrounds. At best Labors post-war engineers
have only mildly exacerbated the conflict among castesa far cry from the Post War Dream mourned by Roger Waters.
subscribed, overdeveloped and over-consolidated, not to mention, misguided in its approach.
Universities, which stand atop the Canada is surely on its way to a cri- educational pyramid, are, by nasis like Britains in the near future. ture research institutions, whose Canadian university campuses purpose is to advance academic are already awash with calls to and scientific inquiry. They must make education a rightthinly return to this vision. In their teachveiled code for the English-model ing capacity, they must once again relaxing of admission standards strive to inspire their students, and artificial tuition suppression. and show them how to critically evaluate both theory and practice. A balanced approach that emphasizes the union between factual knowledge and analytical thinking can yield innovation and discovery. Furthermore, it encourages students to pursue more advanced degree programs, hence producing more In order to save our educational experts in their respective fields. enterprise in Canada we must, to borrow Plutarchs astute meta- Universities need to be granted phor, stop pouring water into an more freedom from political interalready full vessel, dry the im- ests and from bureaucracy. Instibrued kindling and light the fire tutional independence fosters the of scholarship. We must embrace emergence of a unique character a new view of higher educa- of teaching, as well as both intertionone that acknowledges the collegiate competition and coopneed to sacrifice the pervasive- eration. A stricter meritocratic adness of degrees and to make them missions process that considers the more valuable to society. Our whole candidate is indispensible to current university system is over- bettering the quality of students. -6-
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In order to complement the reforms in university education, professional schools that provide a blend of acquired skills and specialized knowledge need to be established. Catering to the middle of the job market, training in fields such as information technology, business administration and applied engineering would enable high school graduates to attend an in-depth four year program without the expectation that further degrees would be pursued. A more direct approach, like this,
would improve the efficiency and effectiveness of vocational instruction in these areas. Many existing universities can easily be converted into polytechnic institutes and schools of business or technology. Since these schools would not divert part of their funding for research, more resources would be available to students themselves, providing a large and well-educated workforce that would be the engine of future economic growth. Enduring and ever-increasing
prosperity is not an easy task by any measure. Our best hope is to kindle the fire of our potential. Despite the meretricious arguments to the contrary, we must treat education as a scarce commodity, and distribute it in accordance with its true purpose. In education, social success and the attainment of wealth must, as Mortimer Alder stated, become subordinate to the inner attainments of moral and intellectual virtue, for the latter will ensure the fulfillment of the former.
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ITS
GEORGIAN LIFE
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G
T H E
B O O S T
MACKENZIE GILMORE & REID KERR-KELLER
A t e a c h e r c a n b o o s t , y o u r mom can boost, and worst of all, you can boost.

There are many captivating issues that plague the world today: global warming, a global financial crisis, the Iraq war, obesity, and poverty. The one issue that affects us all without most even realizing it is boosting. A boost is a statement or gesture intended to make people think more highly of you. A teacher can boost, your mom can boost, and worst of all, you can boost. There is no telling the time or place a boost can strike. It can be anywhere from the safety of your own home to your preferred Pizza Pizza location, or even in the comfort of your own bathroom. We live in constant peril of the most unfriendly of statements: the boost. The current hotbed for boosting is on social networking sites such as Twitter, MySpace, and Facebook. These social networking sites serve as an ideal spot for online confidence and boosting to spread like a virus. A perfect example of a Facebook boost: Mackenzie Gilmore is soooo
sore from fight training today. Mack may not have intended to do so, but he is perpetuating the abomination that is a boost. This post seems rather harmless, but when broken down, the boost is exposed. The first thing someone must do, when analyzing a boost, is ask themselves the questions of boost regulating: 1. What point is he trying to get across? In this specific instance, it seems as though Mackenzie Gilmore is trying to get the point across that he is a trained fighter and that he works out. Sweet Mack, that is minorly cool. But was there any reason for saying this? 2. Why did he post it? In this example, it seems as though he is trying to impress people with his fight training. He possibly wants all guys to understand that he does fight training and has the ability to fight. 3. Is there any possible explanation that would necessitate such a flagrantly boost-errific post? No, Mack, there is not. In conclusion, this specific example is perfect, as it shows the core of what a boost is: an excuse for someone to brag about how cool his or her life is. Furthermore, boosting is not an invention of the 21st century; it has been around since man first told of his adventures from last weekend. However, -9-
a new century brings with it new avenues of boosting. Even now, your loved ones could be on Facebook, subjecting their poor minds to four hundred pictures of How cool my vacation Was by Reid Cool Daddy Kerr-Keller. Such worrisome dangers are the reason that now is the time we must stand vigilant. Boosting is not cool, neither are your status updates. It is important that individuals remind those they care for not to boost and to call them out when they do. This is the only way that mankind can survive a time that may well come to be known as the BoostPocalypse. Future generations will look back at 2011 as the year of the Resistance against all forms of needless boosting. Change is possible; change is key. Now is our moment: it is time to stand up to the horror that is boosting, and to say, No Reid Cool Daddy Kerr-Keller, I will not look at your vacation pictures. You are a boost. There is no reason for our children and grandchildren to live under rocks and in crevasses, hiding from cruel and evil boost overloads. Boosting can be stopped. Every boost must be followed by a call-out. For example, Sam Caldarone says, Shucks, I only got 95% on the last functions unit test. Response from his peers:
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Bro, quit boosting. Let the history books and the bards tell of our triumph, and let freedom from boosts reign across the land: from pole to pole, sea to sea, from Facebook Wall to Facebook Wall.
The debut of the Alien series came under the directorial supervision of Ridley Scott, a man credited with numerous successes in the last twenty years ranging from Thelma and Louise all the way to Gladiator and American Gangster. But where did all this come from? It I S A L I E N T H E was no fluke. Scotts career took S T O M P I N G off with Alien because it taught him G R O U N D F O R how to combine suspense with a D I R E C T O R I A L thrilling science fiction premise. B R I L L I A N C E ? The movie was monumental for setting the mood of anxiety and ANDREW SAVORY stretching audience expectations for what would arrive next, and T he movie was monupaved the way for future films that mental for setting the would harness the uncertainty of what comes next with extensive esmood of anxiety and tablishing and point of view shots. stretching audience exp e c t a t i o n s f o r w h a t w o u l d Its sequel, Aliens, was released seven years later; only this time, arrive next. a young James Cameron held The Alien film series began as the reins to the franchise. Cama small pipedream for the Uni- eron took a different approach versity of Southern California to the concept of Alien. Instead graduate and screenwriter, Dan of creating a spectacle of atmoOBannon. Thirty-one years spheric strain, he proposed a later, Alien serves as the core for more viscerally appealing punch what we base our assumptions of that was significantly more nuextra-terrestrial life. Well, dragon- anced than your average action like creatures whose drool can film. Cameron may have broken burn through walls and floors onto the scene with his 1984 box may be a stretch, but Alien seems office hit The Terminator, but Aliens to be the foundation for some of is where he earned his stripes the finest directors of our time. and cemented his reputation as a legitimate director. With Aliens, - 10 -
Cameron learned that although you may have an extraordinary precedent to revolve your film around, you should never stray too far from the original concept. To make the jump from a commercial and music video director to film is no small feat, but David Fincher was burdened with the difficult task of directing Alien 3. The movie was a critical failure, and Fincher eventually left shooting prior to completion due to disagreements with producers. This did, however, help Fincher understand that if he wasnt given enough freedom when directing a movie, he wasnt willing to make it in the first place. This lesson would prove crucial as Fincher would go on to direct hits such as Se7en, Fight Club, Zodiac, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and most recently, The Social Network. Jean-Pierre Jeunet was entrusted with the difficult task of directing the finale to a series that had already been plunged into submission by a three-quel that failed to gain considerable attention. Jeunet was unable to revive or any feeling of Alien fever with its former fan base. He had a disgruntled lead in Sigourney Weaver who wanted out, a misplaced Winona
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Ryder and a makeshift script so bad not even the aliens themselves wanted to eat it. Jeunet wouldnt make another movie for another four years until he took a chance with Amlie; the story of a blissful young woman who seeks to aid others and along the way discovers love. The result? Five Oscar nominations, various international awards and critical acclaim for Jeunet who had proven himself worthy after failing to make his mark with Alien Resurrection.
nine, and the dentist has a security guard. Guy is now sixty-two and has been living on the streets for thirty-one years. When I started talking to him, he painted a picture of the city Ive grown up in: a picture of dirt and harsh times.
L U C K Y
SPENCER BARTON
G U Y
Under neath his coat, he has tied several scraps of newspaper and plastic bags around his ar ms and neck for war mth.
Forest Hill is one of the three wealthiest neighbourhoods in Toronto. Its expansive, posh houses are situated around The Village, a collection of high-end shops and offices. This is where Guy lives. You can usually spot him at the bank or the coffee shops or outside the dentists office. He only sleeps in the banks because theyre warm, the coffee shops close by
ing office. As of November 2009, there were fifty-seven city-funded shelter facilities, and nine cityoperated shelter facilities. On any given night during those years there were 3,800 beds available for the homeless. I asked Guy why he didnt make use of any of the shelI have been seeing Guy in the Vil- ters. He is among the 6% of homelage since I was a child but didnt less people who dont use them. know his name until interviewing him for the first time. He is short, I went to one of them only twice, blind in one eye (which occurred many years ago. The first night within the past year), has yellow- was fine. The second night a man grey, thinning hair, and wears the went to the bathroom on the bed same coat, pants, shoes and shirt I was staying in and stole my jackyear-round. Underneath his coat, et. I never went back. To this day he has tied several scraps of news- its buddies like him that steer me paper and plastic bags around his clear of those places. I asked him arms and neck for warmth. His if he had told the housing managtoes are visible and black. His ers about that incident. Oh yeah, back is hunched, and he smells oh yeah. Sure. They said they saw of urine. I interviewed him twice him come in with that coat and in the TD Bank at the corner of made me clean the sheets. That Spadina Road and Thelma Av- was my coat! As he spoke with enue. He was reluctant to par- me, a woman who had just withticipate in the interview and asked drawn money handed him a tenme to exclude any names, dates, dollar bill. Get yourself someor places for fear of being tracked. thing to eat. God Bless. Oh. Oh! Thank you very much. I will. The April 2009 Shelter, Support & Housing Administration According to a Government of Report states that an estimated Canada Report by Tim Riordan, 5,086 homeless people were pres- approximately 66% of homeless ent in the city of Toronto. That people have a lifetime diagnosis includes the street, but not those of mental illness. This is two to in a shelter or communal hous- three times higher than the rest - 11 -
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of the population. Guy was diagnosed with psychosis when he was younger and has never received proper treatment or medication. At several points he began speaking about birds, listing his favorite kinds (Goldfinches, Cardinals, and Parakeets) and what to feed each of them to keep them happy (bread chunks, sunflower seeds, and sliced lemon respectively). I told him about a nest of Goldfinches that used to be in my backyard and he grinned. Is that right? His eye wandered. Singers, they are. I listen to them all day. An April 2010 City of Toronto report was titled New Research: street homelessness in Toronto cut in half . An excerpt: The Street Needs Assessment is a snap shot of Torontos homeless population. It was conducted at a direct cost of about $119,000, funded by the federal governments Homelessness Partnership Initiative. As is the case with almost all homeless surveys, it is not designed to include the hidden homeless (those living in over-crowded conditions or couch surfing). Guy is among the hidden homeless so is not included in that survey. The second time I went looking for Guy was sundown the next
evening. He was on his way into the Royal Bank. I was finishing a cigarette as I began talking to him and he wouldnt look me in the eyes. His eye would just follow the cigarette and his head turned as I dropped it. He said he was coming from downtown. I had brought a point-and-shoot camera to see if Guy would let me take his picture. He didnt. He explained Canadian photography laws. You could get in big trouble you know. Oh
have you? He laughed, showing all of his teeth. I hadnt. He was different during that interview. He seemed more nervous and he swayed from side to side. What paper do you work for again? I explained again that I was writing for a class. He calmed down. Guy was now standing in the corner of the RBC nearest the door. I asked him if he knew what our new mayor said about people in his situation. No. I quoted Rob Ford: This is a bylaw opening the door to make every ward have a shelter. Thats the black and white of the issue here. Okay? Im sorry to say, this is an insult to my constituents to even think about having a war- uh a homeless shelter in their ward. And you want me to have a public meeting to discuss this? Why dont we have a public lynching? Guy laughs and grins again. Hes our mayor? I asked Guy when he had been diagnosed with psychosis and if he had ever been medicated for it. I dont want to say. I dont like pills. I had a friend who had a house and would paint and garden all the time. Real workman type. Got sick and started taking pills and he got fat and slowed down and guys started coming to
yes, sir. You must always, always, always ask permission. Theres big issues with just snapping shots in the street. Someone gets in your way and sees their face on the computer they can sue big time off of you. He asked why I had my camera. I lied and told him I had just wanted some pictures of the neighbourhood. You havent been taking any pictures of me, - 12 -
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his house all the time asking him odd questions about it. So thats when I had to leave. I had had enough of those guys. Beautiful house til they started showing up. He asked to see some of the pictures I had taken. Some were of birds in Costa Rica. His face lit up when he saw them. Oh my! Look at the colours on that
one! And you saw these guys? Oh my. I told him I had to go take some more pictures and that I would see him later. Okay, there. Oh no! Im awful with names... Spenc- Spencer! Right, right, right. Ok well. Thank you, Spencer. Thank you, Guy. Before I knew Guy, I would refer
to him as Lucky. He looked exactly like the character in Waiting for Godot, bags and hair and all. I walked by the RBC five minutes later and he was standing, asleep. Beyond sitting and talking to him, giving him subway fare or some food, I didnt know what I could do for him. But at least I knew his name.
C R E A T I V E
M O D E R N L O V E
DANIEL DAVIDSON-KALMAR
F I C T I O N
Have you seen a five foot six man with a large tattoo on his cheek? I asked. Yes, she replied, I was just stuffing his dog. Hes out. Well then, lets go find him, I said, together.
She had been called in to stuff his dog, which had died a month earl i e r.
We met on the road. She was an on call taxidermist; I was a bounty hunter. She had gotten herself into a sticky situation; my target had jumped bail and holed up in a motel on highway 744. She had been called in to stuff his dog, which had died a month earlier. We met on the road. He was a bounty hunter; I was an on call taxidermist. I was on a job, sew-
ing and stuffing as usual, when the door fell out from the wall. It had been kicked, with considerable force, by a bearded man of considerable stature. Jeremiah! You in here? the man yelled. I assumed he was talking to my client.
He reached out his giant hand and I looked around the room but I gave him mine. He led me out to my target was out. There was his car, and we drove away after a woman in the back room. Jeremiah. I did not yet know what She was stitching up some kind he did for a living; I was rather of animal. I was immediately reckless now that I think about it. drawn to her. I walked forward. When I said we met on the road, The man approached me. My I meant it. I introduced myself. god, he was ugly, I was immedi- Im Chester, I said. Im Leately repulsed. Hey, pretty lady, rleen, she replied. After we he said. No one had ever called find Jeremiah, would you let me pretty before, perhaps he was me take you out for dinner? more charming than I thought. So, I said. Stuffing animals, - 13 -
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eh? Yes, she replied. There was an awkward silence. Perhaps I had chosen the wrong place for the date. I knew she liked animals, so I took her to the outdoor caf at the zoo. My mind had wandered off; a seagull was eating my hamburger.
of something else. A regular shaver got stuck as well. I went into the kitchen and picked up a knife. The door rang. Come in! I yelled. Almost finished! I began to cut away at the hair, the knife slipped; I could feel the blade on my tongue. Gahhhhh! I yelled. She He was so well-bearded. I wasnt ran into the room. Oh my god, sure that I could handle this. I hold on, I can fix this! She pulled was better at stuffing the dead some stitches out of her bag. Ive than talking to the living. We got never done this on something up to look at the animals. He alive before. Hold still. My god, I reminded me of the walrus thought, we were perfect together. We got up to look at the animals. She reminded me of the flamingo: elegant, beautiful. What if we joined them? I said. What? she yelled, Are you out of your mind? I just wanted to make things exciting.
other. She knows my name. I think hers is Megan. I am happy. We throw the leaves and hold hands and spin around and around. There is a figure. It is big, an Adult. It calls for me. I am afraid. It is angry. It is disappointed. The Adult has no gender and no distinct voice, but I have known them. They speak to me sternly. They grab my hand and walk. Tears well up in my eyes. I want to speak but cant. I wake up.
E A R
W A X E D
My chest rises and falls. I am scared, embarrassed, hot, sweat I d o n t k n o w, m a y b e ing. I get out of the bed. My feet too much Advil or sometouch the floor and they are loud. The hardwood creaks right int h i n g. side my head. Everything is too I began to doubt this mans intel- I am asleep. loud. Im confused. I start to cry. ligence I grew tired of the zoo, I walk out the door. I realize I and we began to leave. I offered I am in Riverdale Park, across from am in my grandparents house, him a deal if he wanted to see me my old house with the red door. It Wardlow, Alberta. The carpet in again. Shave the beard, I said. is fall. The leaves are brown and the hall scratches my feet. I feel red and yellow. They have been sensitive to everything. I drag my It was minutes before the date. raked into piles. I am with some- hand along the wall as I walk. The I had to shave, but how would I one, a girl. She is small. I still have paint lumps hit my palm. I try to do it? I had never removed my hair that is long and curly and calm my breathing. The thoughts whiskers before. I was nervous, blonde. My hair will turn brown in my head are slow and thunderand put it off as long as possible. when I am five. The girl and I run ing. The voice of the Adult resoI picked up a pair of scissors. The in circles and fall into the piles of nates in my head. I cant make hair wouldnt cut. The scissors be- leaves. The leaves fly around us. out its words. My voice keeps came tangled; I needed to think We laugh and scream with each saying, We were just having fun,
JACK GROSS
- 14 -
theGrifter
we were just having fun. I walk down the hallway that has dark yellow walls. The house moans. There are pictures of my mother and father and uncle and aunt. I can hear my grandpa snoring from his bedroom. It fills my head; its louder than my feet now. I walk past the boiler room and my heart is still thumping in my head. I am in the lean-to. I look out the screen door, down the hill. I can see Dixie and Mr. Dunn standing and sleeping. I feel jealous of them. The prairie wind cools my face. It is inviting me outside, but I am little, just seven, and I turn back to the bedroom.
stairs with Zinka, her friend who Zinka in a low voice, I dont is a hairdresser and photogra- know, maybe too much Advil or pher. I yell to my mum, Mum? something. I hear Zinka snort. Everything is so loud! Mum? I walk down the hallway to the What, Jacko? She says to me. He bathroom. I press the light switch has a fever... She says to Zinka. and it clicks in my ear. The fan Everything is so loud. I can, like, whirrs loudly. I look in the mirhear everything so loud. I am ror and mouth words at my repanicked. flection. I go and use the toilet. What? The flush is like a waterfall. I go Everything is, like, so loud. I can back to the mirror and rub my hear my feet. hands into my face, watching the flesh move around. I turn off the I lean over the railing near my light and the fan. I walk back to bedroom. She comes to the bot- my bedroom and lay on my back tom of the stairs. I can feel my watching my chest. It rises less heart beating into the banister. and less. I take a drink of water Whats wrong, honey? She says. out of the cup at my side and I wake up. Everything is really loud. I had feel it slide down my throat and this dream where I was, like, in cool my stomach. I lay back and My chest rises and falls. I am panstare at the ridge created by the icked, embarrassed, sweating. I wall border and wish I were deaf. am older, ten or eleven. This has happened before. It is afternoon. I H O L Y am in my house on Roxborough. I R O L L E R had come home from school earlier. I am wearing Hot Chilli pajaANDREW MCCONNELL mas and a bathrobe. I get out of the park at the old house and my bed. My feet touch the floor I woke up and now everything I w a s w a l k i n d o w n t h e and kick my eardrums. The hard- is loud and I feel so weird. r o a d , w i t h a s u i t c a s e i n wood creaks inside me; every- My voice feels soft and weak. m y h a n d a n d n o t a l o t o n thing is loud again. I feel rushed. my mind. My movements feel hyperactive. Okay, just go back to Everything is urgent. Only my bed. Youre feverish. Sometimes the only one left to tell thoughts are slow. I can hear my I turn around. She walks back the story is the buckwheat. Somemum all around me. She is down- to the dining room and says to times the story slips through the - 15 -
theGrifter
cracks, and the only one there to catch it is the land. But sometimes, people remember. They may not think about what happened for years and years and suddenly one day, it all comes back. And sometimes it never does. * * * * *
heat was a house that was half red and half white. I was lucky I wasnt a half hour later. Sometimes I think there is a god, but most of the time I think hes full of it. What I didnt know is that Uncle Willis felt the other way.
then she looked at Willis rolling on the ground and said nothing. Willis lurched up. He looked at me, then at my aunt, then at my aunts mug. Then he looked angry.
I was walkin down the road, with a suitcase in my hand and not a lot on my mind. I was bein sent to live for the summer with my Uncle Willis. I knew it wasnt because my sister didnt want me, but the Sunset Motor Camp wasnt so busy in the summer; all the residents went on trips. Plus, with Father gone and Mother always workin, I was just one more thing to worry about. I wasnt worried about my uncle, from what Id gathered he wasnt the worst man, and I was no judge. I reached into my pocket and drew out the instructions my sister had written for me. I looked around. Not a lot. Orillia wasnt the biggest place to begin with, and once you started walkin you could be at it a long time before you found what you were lookin for. I was told to turn at the fence post of the big red house. By the time I got there, baking in the summer
That, that tea again? And what if it is? I made my way down that dusty Woman, I swear, youre askin road not expecting the best, and for it. I do my best to appease not expecting the worst. I dont our Lord, and you go an spit think anyone could expect what I in is face with your devil herbs found. The house was small and and your low cut dresses. comfortable, with a little barn I could hardly see her collarbone. off to the side. The paint was chipped and white; the shingles She may have had attitude, had seen their day. There was a but Olive knew when to give little porch off the side. I walked up. Finally someone realized around, hearing a commotion. I was there. It was Charlie. Sure enough there was my Uncle Willis, rolling on the porch like You must be Tom. a fish out of water. Rolling right Thats me. there beside him was his brother Willis said Put your things Charlie. They had the same thick inside, then theres a horse jaw and no neck. But I guess that needs brushing in the that made them better rollers. barn. Is names Billy. I was still wonderin about The door creaked open, the men the rolling. So I didnt move. rolled in silence, eyes pressed What are ya doin, stanshut, both looked like they were din around? Get moving. gonna say something. Neither of I dont mean any trouble, the them took notice of me. Out of words were hard to find, Wilthe house came my Aunt Olive; lis had gone cockeyed. But why her face looked like the bottom of were you rollin on the ground? a spittoon. I tried not to look at her. She had a chipped white mug They both started to laugh. in her hand. Her eyes met mine, They stopped at the same time. - 16 -
theGrifter
Boy, Im surprised your mother but to me all the trees seemed to A N T I - D R U G didnt tell you. Out here, were make anything but a path. EvHoly Rollers. erything looked the same, so I PATRICK COFFEY started to get worried. My heart My favorite color, This still meant absolutely noth- was pounding and ribs were humMy eyes, ing to me. So I asked again. They ming. It felt like the light kept Sometimes Christmas color, looked at me like I was stupid. getting farther and farther away. Burn, Smoke, Have you ever got that feelin, I hopped off Billy, and started Puff, where its just like the Lord has leading him by the hand. He Sesh, come into you? didnt want to be led, so I sat on Blaze, I didnt feel like lying, but I did a stump and took out my harBun, anyway. monica. I was a man of constant Have fun, I know it well. sorrow. It just got darker and I love that dank, Well we roll to let the Lord know darker. Soon even the trees startDamn that stanks, that we know hes there. ed to sweat. I dont know if it was Dope fiend, the noise from my harmonica, Used to be keen, It was going to be a long summer. or the sound of my bones jitterMmm that green ing, but sooner or later I saw a * * light in the night. Billy neighed. Willis and Charlie came out of It was about mid-July. I was work- the bush, Charlie was holding the ing like a dog, and Willis kept on lamp and Willis was holding a Birolling like a hog. One day, Ol- ble. Neither said anything. They ive, who rarely spoke, told me to pulled me to my feet and we made go to the store and get her some for home. We got out onto the road things. She gave me a list: sugar, and I saw a house. It was about salt, tea. Willis was not going to seven eighths white, the last bit like it, but like my brother Tupper red. Someone was a lazy painter. said, The business of askin Willis finally said something, questions is no business of yours. Whatd Olive send you to get anyhow? So there I was, three hours later, Salt, sugar, I stammered over ridin Billy through the trees tak- the last word, tea. ing a shortcut. Problem was, I Ill kill that woman. was lost, and it was gettin dark. He cuffed me on the ear with the Olive had said there was a path, Bible in his hand. - 17 * * * More creative, yeah okay Cooler, whatever you say A lifestyle Get along with your parents, with your peers? A good love life Better at sports? Better in school? Workouts more efficient Use of mind more sufficient Oh Im sure Sure life is great Independent I say dependent Irrelevant Youll hear them say Quite the contrary Very involved
theGrifter
On the mind You say youre more kind Not yourself Passin life by It flies Good thing you say What does your future hold? Will your kids be proud? Superiors? Boss? Coach? Chilled out, I assume Are you sure it doesnt consume? You dont stress anymore Why do you shut the door? Not anxious anymore Is your chest sore? When youre not high Hows life? What do you think about? Getting high? Your relative is sick, assignment overdue You dont have a clue. Parents arent happy with you Conscience Non-sense Dont believe it No guilt Youre not built What benefit does your life have over others? Ridiculous, stupid stoners, if your life is going well, why change it, alter it, risk worse habits, worse medical health or well-being?
P U Z Z L E S A N D C O D E S
SUDOKU
1 4 7 5 8 1 5 2 1 2 7 9 4 6 9 8 3 3 6 7 2 7 1
Be the first to solve the following codes or puzzles to collect prizes$15, $30, $75 gift cards respectively. Send complete solutions to Michael Lemanski. C O D E D Easy M E S S A G E S
1 1101 11000 10000 1100 1 11000 10011 1001 1110 10100 1000 101 10000 1 10010 1011
Hard
8 13 1 12 1 d 18 c 18 c 9 9 8 d 18 13 16
P U Z Z L E S
Days can be represented numbers. A sunny Friday that is not in April is a 3. A day that is not a Monday or Tuesday but is rainy is a 4. What is a rainy weekday that is not a Thursday or Sunday but is in October? - 18 -
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2010-2011 Issue I

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2010-2011 Issue I

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THE

Year III - Issue I

Nick Medline Managing Editor

Michael Lemanski Design and Layout Editor

The Official RSGC Student Publication -1-

PUZZLES AND CODES

7. Thou shall steal

T he mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.

subscribed, overdeveloped and over-consolidated, not to mention, misguided in its approach.

MACKENZIE GILMORE & REID KERR-KELLER

A t e a c h e r c a n b o o s t , y o u r mom can boost, and worst of all, you can boost.

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