10 Words You Mispronounce That Make People Think Youre an Idiot

Its been said, though were not sure by whom, that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. But sometimes weve got to open our mouths so use this handy guide to make sure, at the very least, youre saying the words right. By Justin Brown Dont worry, I wont waste your time with the elementary school lessons about how to accurately pronounce library, February, or arctic although I will take this opportunity to note that if youre discussing a library and still dropping the first R, theres a very good chance that your friends and/or colleagues are laughing at you behind your back. I wont trouble you with a lecture covering how some of the words you use actually arent words at all. If youre using words like snuck, brang, or irregardless, (no, none of those are real words) a magazine article much less one written by me is not going to solve your problems. What I will do is offer up a rudimentary form of help, in terms of how to properly pronounce relatively common words that are bound to show up in your daily life. These tips will not seal the deal in a job interview or on a date (I can especially vouch for the date scenario) but if pronunciation continues to be a potential chink in your armor, your problems will soon be solved. Thus, behold, People of the Internet the ten most important words you should learn to pronounce, if you would like to appear reasonably knowledgeable about your own language.

ATHLETE

Incorrect pronunciation: ath a leet Correct pronunciation: ath leet

This may have been more helpful before the media blitz that was the Summer Olympics but it is a very valuable lesson to have for the future. It applies to athlete and any derivative (biathlon, triathlon, decathlon, etc.) and, honestly, Im sad that I even have to point this out: there is no vowel between the H and the L in any of these words. There never has been. Let the dream die.

ESCAPE / ESPRESSO / ET CETERA

Incorrect pronunciation: ex cape / ex presso / ex set err uh Correct pronunciation: ess cape / ess presso / ett set err uh

Yes, a three-for-one deal, but only because this one is dually very common and very simple to fix. For some reason, we of the English tongue have an obsession with changing any S to an X, if it follows an E sound; call it the Exxon Indoctrination. These words are spelled phonetically lets try to respect that. Also: the yuppie kids will really respect you, if you master espresso and et cetera what more motivation do you need?

NUCLEAR

Incorrect pronunciation: nuke you lerr Correct pronunciation: new clee err

Im going to try to get through this one without a President Bush joke. All right, so, despite the fact that its 2008, this is a word with which were somehow still struggling. Like most of the words on this list, nuclear is spelled EXACTLY AS IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRONOUNCED and yet, people continue to screw it up worse than the War in Iraq oh, dammit.

PRESCRIPTION / PREROGATIVE

Incorrect pronunciation: purr scrip shun / purr ogg uh tiv Correct pronunciation: pre scrip shun / pre rogg uh tiv

Overlooking the fact that many people also seem to have precisely no idea as to the latter words true definition (Ive had several conversations where people bizarrely substitute prerogative for words like agenda), this is another problem that can be attributed to ignorance in the arena of Sound It Out, You Lummox. The R comes before the E in both of these words. Please ercognize this erality. Sorry.

UTMOST

Incorrect pronunciation: up most Correct pronunciation: utt most

In a bizarre twist, people actually became so certain of this words meaning that they alter its pronunciation to reflect that definition. Yes, utmost is an adjective synonymous with greatest (a term that immediately calls to mind some tangible Mount Olympus-type of vertical hierarchy and the word upper) but that second letter? Its still a T.

CANDIDATE

Incorrect pronunciation: can uh dett Correct pronunciation: can da dett

Mastering this word will help you at least sound educated in your excruciating political debates as we approach November 3. I cannot explain it any more simply than my second grade teacher once did: You always want to have a good candidate for your CANDY DATE. Candy date. Its sweet and simple.

SHERBET

Incorrect pronunciation: sherr berrt Correct pronunciation: sherr bet

This is one of those words that ultimately had to abandon its crusade for righteousness and now has been corrupted to the point where dictionaries may list the incorrect pronunciation as acceptable because of just how rampant the ignorance grew to be. But theres only one R in sherbet, America no matter how awesome the rainbow flavor is, theres still only one R.

AWRY

Incorrect pronunciation: aww ree Correct pronunciation: uh rye

Up until very recently, I could not even conceive a situation where someone would mispronounce this word; it always seemed very simple, to me. However, I have heard three different people in the world of talk radio, no less pronounce it inaccurately in the last few months. Its like its like the mechanism that allows people to speak in an educated fashion went awry (see what I did there?).

FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES

Incorrect pronunciation: for all intensive purposes Correct pronunciation: for all intents and purposes

All right, yes, I cheated a little bit here (for posteritys sake, I should note that a phrase and a word are not the same thing) but this is still a very popular pronunciation mistake and one that I really feel must be addressed in a public forum. While intensive is absolutely a word, the clichd saying that most people are trying to channel is all about intent. As for the rumor that I, as a younger man, frequently employed the incorrect pronunciation no comment.

OFTEN

Incorrect pronunciation: off ten Correct pronunciation: off en

If there is a bigger red flag for I am misinformed about how to pronounce something in our language, I have yet to encounter it. This word and its evolutionary course in American vernacular could be a cultural study unto itself. For a while, nobody was aware that the T was silent; this sneaky caveat had to be beaten into our brains for years and years in school. But then in what can best be described as the greatest grammatical epiphany since someone decided that we needed a contraction to turn I am into a single word people seemed to universally scream out We get it! A silent T!. It was a glorious day. However, this euphoria was ultimately fleeting. At some point, the rational people of Earth decided to flip over the Buffet Table of Reason at the Banquet for Intellectual Hope and thought it best to, once again, simply start pronouncing the T in often. I do not know whether this was brought on by an innate human desire to flout the rules of our world or just a collective hatred for all things associated with the establishment but it is now arguably the most frequent linguistic speed bump in the history of hyperbole. And I would like to lead the charge to restore balance.