Yellow Blister

yellowblister December 27, 2008
Yellow Blister
To Bloggers Everywhere
1
2
Contents
Dedication 1
Yellow Blister 4
My Pages 174
3
Yellow Blister
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Fifty-two cows are killed after lightning hits a wire fence
The Hereford and Normandy breed cows

were discovered by the ranch manager in
the field.
A veterinary expert who examined the

carcases said they had been killed by
lightning hitting the wire fence bordering
the field where the animals were stood.
The incident occurred in Valdez Chico,
near Montevideo, Uruguay.
In September, 53 cattle were killed by lightning in Katosi, Uganda. They had been seek-
ing shelter underneath trees, according to local reports.
Lightning hits the earth an average 100 times per second, or 8.6 million times a day.
Each spark of lightning can reach over five miles in length, soar to temperatures of ap-
proximately 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit, and contain 100 million electrical volts.
Weather officials estimate the United States alone receives up to 20 million lightning
strikes per year from as many as 100,000 thunderstorms.
The odds of being struck by lightning are approximately 1 in 576,000 and the chance of
actually being killed by lightning is about 1 in 2,320,000.
However, experts say working or playing in open fields; boating, fishing, and swimming;
working on heavy farm or road equipment; playing golf; taking a shower; talking on a con-
ventional telephone; and repairing or using electrical appliances are all activities that
should be avoided during storms.
Posted by goldenlad at 08:18PM (+01:00)
Cow drowned into the sea for being impregnated by human
Villagers from Julah in Tejakula, Buleleng, tow (see photo) a pregnant cow behind a boat
into open sea as part of a local traditional ritual.
4
The cow, which is five months pregnant, was thrown out
to the sea about 3 kilometers from land Monday. The vil-
lagers believe the animal was impregnated by a village
elder.
During the ritual the man, who was caught red-handed

having sexual intercourse with the cow two months ago,
joined the boat trip in order to throw away his clothes to
to symbolize him discarding his sins.
Julah customary village head Ketut Sidemen said the

ritual, called gamya gamana, or freak weeding, and had
been conducted there for generations. The decision to
perform the ritual was made a local residents meeting.
In line with customary regulations, the perpetrator, identified only as PS, 70, was sanc-
tioned to fund the expensive ceremony, which aimed to cleanse him of any bad influ-
ences.
Luh Ketut Suryani, a professor and activist, deplored the sancation against PS.
She said drowning a cow was baseless because sexual intercourse between a human
being and am animal could not cause pregnancy due to the different chromosomes and
genes of the two.
"The cow is not guilty, why shoud it be drowned? Why don't just use a symbol like what
was done by the perpetrator?" she said.
Suryani's said she was concerned dealt with the financial situation of the owner, who
lives below the poverty line.
"The cow, which has a high price, had to be thrown away. It will be a pity for the owner,
who is already poor and is now forced to lose his priceless belonging."
Source
Contractors paint yellow lines around car
Bungling contractors painted yellow lines AROUND Paul McCarthy's car while he was on
holiday.
The 31-year-old was stunned when he returned from a weekend away to find his once
legally parked motor marked out for attention on Hyde Terrace in Woodhouse.
Traffic wardens have slapped three £70 fines on it and the bar manager who lives in the
centre of city is now in a wrangle with Leeds City Council.
5
Paul said: "The traffic warden had given
me three parking tickets. I've told the
council to say I've no intention of paying
the fines."
A Leeds City Council spokesman said:

"We do not enforce parking restrictions in
any ways which are illegal and are ad-
dressing locations where signs and lines
do not conform to regulations.
"We have to comply to the letter of the

law and never knowingly issue a parking
ticket where the lines or signs are incor-
rect. All of our parking attendants are
specifically trained in this respect."
Source
Bumming Around
A Desperate Plea
6
Baby Wee Wee
Sunday, October 26, 2008

Inappropriate Kid's Slide
Posted by goldenlad at 12:32AM (+01:00)
Broomsticks banned from school halloween party
Children have been banned from bringing broom-

sticks to a Halloween party because of health and
safety fears.
Langham Pre-school announced it was barring

brooms from its annual Pumpkin Party on Sunday
after a child was hurt last year.
The fancy-dress party has been running at the

village’s community centre for more than six years
and is the nursery’s main fundraiser, attracting about
100 children and their families.
But this year committee members decided to officially

ban play broomsticks and devil forks for health and
safety reasons.
John Smith, committee chairman and a primary school headteacher, said: “It was not a
whim, it was a considered decision.
“Last year, a child brought a full-size broomstick and another child got hurt.
“It’s common practice when you have children running round you don’t have broomsticks
or forks."
7
But Sally Cowley, a 39-year-old mother-of-two, who runs Boxted mother and toddler
group, said: “I think it’s sad it has come to this.
“It’s the same as banning conkers.
“I think we need to really think sensibly about things before we ban them, rather than be-
ing pushed into doing something because someone says something might happen.”
A spokesman for the Pre-school Learning Alliance added: “Banning broomsticks at a Hal-
loween party, however well-meaning, is taking health and safety a little to the extreme.”
Source
Posted by goldenlad at 10:50AM (UTC)
Gummi Lighthouses
Police Arrest Mich. Man For Car Wash Vacuum Sex
Police say a Michigan man has been ar-

rested after "receiving sexual favors from a
vacuum" at a car wash.
The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old

Swan Creek Township man was arrested
Thursday in Saginaw County's Thomas
Township, about 90 miles northwest of De-
troit.
Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident

called to report suspicious activity at the car
wash about 6:45 a.m. An officer ap-
proached on foot and caught the man in the
act.
Source
The suspect, whose name wasn't immediately released, is being held in the Saginaw
8
County Jail.
Posted by goldenlad at 01:44PM (UTC)
Holy Spirit
They eat LARD
Monday, October 27, 2008

Man jammed in toilet stops TGV
A MAN trapped his hand in the u-bend of

a TGV toilet.
Firefighters cut him free after his arm be-

came lodged in the u-bend after he tried
to retrieve his mobile phone.
"He came out on a stretcher, with his

hand still jammed in the toilet bowl, which
they had to saw clean off," said witness
Benoit Gigou.
The train was travelling from La Rochelle to Bordeaux on Sunday.
The service was delayed for two hours after the 26-year-old victim, hunting for his lost
telephone, fell prey to the powerful suction system which drains the loos on board, the rail
network's regional office said.
Source

9
Speeding! You must take me for some sort of muppet!
An Audi TT with British registration plates

has been repeatedly caught speeding on
roads in the Bavarian city of Bayreuth.
But because continental speed cameras

are set up for left-hand drive vehicles, the
cameras keep missing the driver’s face.
Instead, they keep capturing clear views

of a manic Muppet-like toy which the
cheeky Brit has propped up on his pas-
senger seat.
But police admit they are even baffled about the identity of the muppet.
The No.1 suspect is Animal – the manic drummer from The Muppet Show’s house band
The Electric Mayhem.
But several residents of Sesame Street are also in the frame, including the lovable mon-
ster Grover and Bert’s rubber-ducky-loving sidekick Ernie.
Now police have released one of the photographs in the hope someone will recognise the
furry speed demon.
A German police source said: “The number plate is not enough. We need clear evidence
of who is driving the vehicle too.
“But because this is a British vehicle we can never get a decent picture. The driver has
obviously worked this out because he has placed a large puppet in the passenger seat.
“This may be an example of the famous British sense of humour but it is still dangerous
driving.
“The driver has been caught on camera on several occasions and the puppet is on the
passenger seat every time. We suspect he positions the toy deliberately before accelerat-
ing past the camera.”
The photo released by police was taken on August 8 this year on Bayreuth’s busy A9
road at 11:11am.
It clearly shows the reckless muppet accelerating to 155 kilometres per hour on his way
to the German capital Berlin.
As the speed limit on the road is 120 kmph, the driver is due for three points on his li-
cence and a €50 fine.
10
Source
Driver follows sat-nav into lake
A Polish driver steered his mini bus

straight into a lake - after his sat-nav told
him to.
Stunned police got a frantic call from the

bus driver as he called from the Mer-
cedes van screaming that he and his two
passengers were drowning.
"A man phoned in panic from his mobile

phone. He managed to say that he had
driven into a lake and he was sinking
fast," said police spokesman Marcin Guzenda in Glubczyce, south west Poland.
"He said he had two passengers but he couldn't open the doors - and then he got cut off."
Police, fire and ambulance services rushed to the lake and found the driver and his pas-
sengers perched on the top of the mini-bus's roof.
The trio were taken to hospital after the accident but released after treatment for shock.
"There used to be a road there until last year until the local water company flooded the
valley to build a new reservoir lake," said one police source.
"It seems that the GPS hadn't been updated and was still showing a usable road running
through where the lake now is. It's a huge lake and it's hard to imagine how you could ig-
nore or not see it, but he certainly managed it.
"The driver had such faith in his sat-nav that he didn't even notice all the traffic signs say-
ing the road had been closed," they added.
Source
Time for...
11
Man drives drunk to protest drunk driving charge
An Austrian man, charged with drink driving, drove to a police station to complain about
the charge whilst drunk, officials said on Monday.
The 65-year-old had his driving license and car keys first taken away from him on Sunday
after driving while over the alcohol limit in the northern city of Linz.
He then went home, picked up his spare car keys, went back to the abandoned car and
drove to police headquarters to explain why he was unhappy with the charge.
"When the driver tried to show police officers what had happened the first time, they de-
tected he was still under the influence of alcohol," police said in a statement. The driver
was charged a second time.
Source
Tuesday, October 28, 2008

We scream for Ice Cream
Cigarette drink aims to beat smoking ban
The drink, called Liquid Smoking, has already proved a hit in the Netherlands where it
has been on sale for a year.
12
Dutch suppliers United Drinks and Beauty Corporation, hopes the
drink will be on sale here before Christmas as they aim to target
the opposite end of the energy drinks market.
The manufacturers say it does not contain the drug nicotine, but
rather a mix of roots from South African plants which is said to
give "a slight energising effect, followed by a euphoric sense of
calming and relaxation."
It has less than 21 calories per 275ml can and would cost £1.50
in the shops.
Although there will be no lower age limit to buy it, the makers be-
lieve it should not be drunk by anyone under 15.
United Drinks Chief Executive Martin Hartman said: "The product we have developed has
got similar properties to nicotine, so we are trying to help people out who are affected by
the ban on nicotine People might use this instead of a cigarette or tobacco to help the
cravings.
He added: "It will take the edge off of a need for nicotine for between one to four hours.
"I think it will help people who feel the need for nicotine in bars, restaurants, long-haul
flights and on the train."
Anti-smoking groups have already expressed their concern however.
Amanda Sanford, from Action on Smoking and Health said: "Although we welcome any-
thing which is a genuine alternative [to nicotine], many of these are totally unregulated
and we only have the manufacturer's word about what they contain.
"We would be concerned about any health claims that are unsubstantiated, and at this
stage we wouldn't encourage people to buy them."
Source
Wanted: for cruelty to dummy animals
An ornamental garden dog sparked an animal cruelty probe after it was mistaken for a
neglected pooch.
A dozy passer-by called the SSPCA after spotting the life-size “whippet” tied to a fence
with an empty food bowl and a CIGARETTE stuck in its mouth.
But incredibly, they failed to notice the brown mutt was actually a statue, and an SSPCA
13
inspector was sent round to owner Anne Wright’s house to probe the neglect allegations.
Last night Anne, 45, of Blantyre, Lanarkshire, said: “The ornament, which I call Priscilla,
looks realistic, but this is hilarious.
“I can’t believe someone actually thought I’d abandoned a real dog. I don’t even have a
real dog. I have a cat called Elvis.
“My son Gary found a card from the SSPCA behind our door last Friday morning. It turns
out someone had reported me for leaving a dog in my garden without food or shelter.”
Production operator Gary, 24 — who tied the pooch to the garden fence — added: “At
first, I thought someone was at it. Then I phoned the SSPCA and was told an Inspector
had been out.
“The woman took my details and I told her we don’t have a dog — we have an ornament
that sits outside in the garden with a broken ear and a food bowl. She burst out laughing.”
Anne bought the £17 stone statue from a TV shopping channel three years ago.
It originally sat under the window in her living room, but she moved it outside three
months ago when its ear broke off.
SSPCA Chief Superintendent Mike Flynn said: “We investigate all allegations of cruelty.”
Source
Jeremy Kyle couldn't come up with this!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Cockatoo baby
14
Vietnam considers driving ban for small-chested people
Vietnam is considering a ban on small-

chested people driving motorbikes - a
proposal that has provoked widespread
disbelief, all the more in this nation of
slightly built people.
The ministry of health recently recom-

mended that people whose chests meas-
ure less than 28 inches (72cm) would be
prohibited, as would those who are too
short or too thin.
The proposal is part of an exhaustive list of new criteria the ministry has come up with to
ensure that Vietnam's drivers are in good health. As news of the plan hit the media this
week, Vietnamese expressed incredulity.
"It's ridiculous," said Tran Thi Phuong, 38, a Hanoi insurance agent. "It's absurd."
"The new proposals are very funny, but many Vietnamese people could become the vic-
tim of this joke," said Le Quang Minh, 31, a Hanoi stockbroker. "Many Vietnamese wo-
men have small chests. I have many friends who won't meet these criteria."
It was unclear how the ministry established its size guidelines, and an official there de-
clined to comment.
The average Vietnamese man is 1.64m (5ft 4in) tall and weighs 55kg (121lb). The aver-
age Vietnamese woman is 1.55m tall and weighs 47kg.
Statistics on average chest size were unavailable.
The draft, which must be approved by the central government to become law, would also
prohibit people from driving motorbikes if they suffer from array of health conditions like
enlarged livers or sinusitis. The rules would cover the vast majority of Vietnam's 20m mo-
torbikes. It would not apply to car or truck drivers.
Motorbikes account for more than 90% of the vehicles on Vietnam's roads, and many
workers in the nation of 85 million need them to do their jobs.
When Nguyen Van Tai, a motorbike taxi driver, heard about the proposal, he immedi-
ately had his chest measured. Much to his relief, Tai beat the chest limit by 7cm.
"A lot of people in my home village are small," said Tai, 46. "Many in my generation were
poor and suffered from malnutrition, and now the ministry of health wants to stop us from
driving to work."
15
Vietnamese bloggers have been poking fun at the plan, envisioning traffic police with
tape measures eagerly pulling over female drivers to measure their chests.
"From now on, padded bras will be bestsellers," said Bo Cu Hung, a popular Ho Chi Minh
City blogger.
Newspapers were inundated with letters today from concerned readers who worried that
they wouldn't measure up.
"I'm not heavy enough. What am I going to do?" Le Thu Huong asked in a letter to the
Tuoi Tre newspaper. "And what about people whose chests are small? Most of them are
too poor to afford breast implants!"
Source
Guilty verdict for 'stupid' robber
A MAN who robbed vulnerable rail passen-

gers of their mobile phones has been
handed a six-month prison sentence after
his "own stupidity" led police to his door.
Luton Crown Court heard how Eneas

Tanyongana robbed a 16-year-old of his mo-
bile on a train between Rye House and
Ware stations on March 16, threatening to
stab him if he didn't hand it over.
Speaking outside court, Det Con Jon Pine,

of British Transport Police's robbery squad,
said: "The boy was obviously very scared
and handed over the phone without argu-
ment.
"When the boy asked what he was supposed to do without a phone, Tanyongana de-
cided to hand over his own phone, complete with contact details and photos."
Police used the information to trace 21-year-old Tanyongana, of Risdens, Harlow, and
linked two other robberies to him using CCTV evidence.
The first was an attempted robbery from a disabled man between Hertford East and
Ware stations in May 2007, where Tanyongana grabbed his victim by the throat because
he would not hand over his mobile phone.
The second offence took place on a train between Broxbourne and Harlow Town in Janu-
ary.
16
Tanyongana attempted to befriend his victim, a 13-year-old boy, by engaging him in cas-
ual conversation about his phone.
The victim handed his phone over to Tanyongana to look at, but when he asked for it
back he was told, "No. You've been robbed."
Tanyongana pleaded guilty to two counts of robbery and one count of attempted robbery.
DC Pine added: "It's a nice boost to the investigation when key pieces of the puzzle have
already been laid out for you.
"It was a combination of Tanyongana's own stupidity and good police work that led to him
being arrested just hours after the offence."
Tanyongana also received a six-month suspended sentence.

Source
False leg found underneath ride
The owner of a prosthetic leg found be-

neath an Alton Towers rollercoaster is be-
ing sought by the amusement park.
The leg was just one of many bizarre

items found near The Corkscrew, which is
to be dismantled after carrying 43.5 mil-
lion people since it opened in 1980.
Staff clearing the site also found under-

wear, a diamond wedding ring, 53 non-
matching shoes and 604 watches.
Other lost property items included 800 pieces of jewellery, 237 mobile phones, thou-
sands of caps and a prosthetic ear.
The ride, which reaches speeds of up to 44mph (70km/h), opened on 4 April 1980.
Riders are turned upside down twice within three seconds - which probably explains the
large amount of lost items found below.
The Staffordshire amusement park said it was used to dealing with more than 5,000
items of lost property, such as car keys, money and mobile phones.
Russell Barnes, divisional director, said: "As the Corkscrew is the oldest rollercoaster in
the park, we were expecting to find some strange items when we started clearing the
Corkscrew area but a prosthetic leg definitely tops the list as the most bizarre.
17
"If anyone has any information on the missing leg, we would be keen to hear from them."
The rollercoaster, which was the first double-looped ride in Europe when it opened, will
run for the last time on 9 November.
Source
Glitter payout sparks outrage
Shamed pop star Gary Glitter is to re-

ceive a GBP100,000 pay cheque from
computer giant Hewlett Packard after
bosses chose to use his song Do You
Wanna Touch Me in a new TV advert-
ising campaign.
The singer, real name Paul Gadd, was re-

cently released from a prison in Vietnam,
where he served nearly three years for
sexually assaulting two girls aged nine
and 11.
He has since been deported back to his

native Britain - but is in line to receive the
cash sum from Hewlett Packard chiefs over the use of the 1972 track to promote a new
touch-screen model.
The adverts actually feature the 1982 cover by Joan Jett, but Glitter is set to get the
money in royalties.
However, the deal has angered child protection organisations in the US.
A spokesperson for Child Abuse-watch.net says, "It shows a distinct lack of sensitivity."
Source
Thursday, October 30, 2008

New Pepsi bottle.
18
Freak bike accident
Click the source link below for some almost unbe-

lievable photos of the severe leg injury incurred by
a cyclist after a freak bike accident.
He was on a ride last week after the storm the

weekend before last. The guy he was riding behind
ran over a large branch which kicked up and im-
paled Bob’s leg when he ran into it. The EMT’s had
to cut the ends of the branch off to get him in the
ambulance.
They have him on heavy-duty antibiotics. They did

not place any screws to set the broken Fibula, fear-
ing that disturbing the bone might complicate con-
taminants getting further into his body.
The prognosis is good. He has to go back to the trauma surgeon on Friday to work out
plans for a skin graft.
Apparently there may have been a line of riders, maybe 6 - 10 riders, two abreast, going
approximately 25 mph, and the rider’s bike in front of him kicked up a branch, and you
can see the results. The branch did not have a spear point at the end that went through
his leg. That is why it broke his bone.
Imagine the pain. This happened a couple of weeks ago. He is going to be fine.
Be careful while riding your bike. You never know what can happen.
Source
Police arrest man on theft, indecent exposure charges
Denton police arrested a man Wednesday night after he al-legedly shoplifted a tube of 19
male enhancement cream in a store and then decided to try it out.
A loss-prevention officer in a store in the 1500 block of South Loop 288 called police
about 9 p.m. The officer said he saw the suspect pick up a $24 tube of cream and then
walk to another section of the store, where he took the tube out of its box and put it into
his pocket.
Then the suspect walked into the men’s room, the report states. The officer followed him.
The suspect walked into a stall and the officer could hear him removing the lid from the
tube, according to the report. After using the cream, the man re-turned to the main area
of the store.
The officer watched as the man then walked to the Barbie Doll aisle of the toy section
and exposed himself twice. Then he went back into the men’s room and used the cream
again, ac-cording to the report.
The officer called police.
Arriving officers saw the man again in the store, where he exposed himself several more
times, according to the report.
The officers arrested the suspect on theft and indecent exposure charges.
Source
Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween
South Korea court says only blind can be masseurs
South Korea's Constitutional Court ruled on Thursday that only the visually impaired can
be licensed masseurs in the country, upholding a law set up a century ago despite argu-
ments it infringed on free employment rights.
The law was established in 1912 when Korea was under Japanese colonial rule to help
guarantee the blind a livelihood, according the to the Korean Association of Masseurs,
which now has about 7,100 visually impaired people as members.
"The regulation is meant to provide visually impaired people with an opportunity to have a
personally rewarding occupation, and assure that they have means to earn a living; thus,
the purpose of the legislation is well justified," the court said in its decision.
20 Welfare experts in the country have said the law helps the blind make a living by carving
out a niche but it adds to discrimination in the workplace because it makes employers in
other fields less likely to hire the visually impaired.
The group of visually impaired masseurs has led protests over the court case, with three
blind masseurs committing suicide since 2006.
"The court decision is not only a verdict on our right to live but also a measure of South
Korea's conscientiousness," said Lee Gyu-seong from the association.
The country's unlicensed masseurs, estimated by local media to number about at

200,000, said the law denied them the right to practise their high-demand trade.
Unlicensed masseurs can face fines ranging from several hundred to several thousand
dollars and even a short stint in prison.
They won a 2006 court decision to overturn the law but parliament redrew the measure in
a way that continued the monopoly for the blind as licensed masseurs.
The court said the current law should not be seen as a permanent fix and called on legis-
lators to find a compromise.
Police have said some of the unlicensed massage parlours are fronts for prostitution, but
there is much larger demand for legal, above-the-board massages.
Source
£100,000 Ferrari wrecked after street race
We've all had the odd prang in our time,

but it'll take more than a quick spraypaint
job to fix this little beauty.
If the owner of this £100,000 Ferrari 360

Modena is smarting at the loss of his
pride and joy, at least he and his passen-
ger walked out of the wreckage with only
minor injuries.
Witnesses in Adelaide, Australia, said the

driver had 'turned the streets into a racetrack' before the vehicle span out of control and
ploughed into a telegraph pole.
The crash nearly split the car in two but the men inside, both in their 30s, survived relat-
ively undamaged.
Source
21
Village shopkeeper bombarded with hate mail over golliwog sales
Viv Endecott has called in the police after

receiving a string of complaints from loc-
als.
But she has hit back by sticking up an an-

onymous letter put under her door in the
shop window to gauge customers' reac-
tion.
Miss Endecott, 47, has sold more than

500 golliwogs in the last six months and claims there is a demand for them.
Enid Blyton regularly featured them in her famous books, including the Noddy series.
In recent years the golliwogs have been "cleansed" from the novels as many people
began to see them as a crude racial stereotype.
But Miss Endecott said she will continue to sell the dolls alongside the Blyton books,
teddy bears and bottles of ginger beer.
She said: "Around here it is accepted that a golliwog is a soft toy associated with Enid
Blyton. I genuinely think most people don't associate them with black people.
"No offence has ever been intended by me and therefore none should be taken.
"My customers aren't members of the BNP or the National Front. They don't cuddle golli-
wogs and turn into racist bigots, who we all detest."
Miss Endecott, who is of Indian origin, added: "There is plenty of real racism to get
worked up about than to argue over the merits of a soft toy."
The golliwog first appeared in a children's story by the writer Florence Kate Upton and
was popularised in Britain when jam manufacturer Robertsons adopted it as a symbol for
its products in 1910. They dropped it in 2001.
In Blyton's Noddy books, the golliwog owner of the garage in Toytown has been replaced
by a Mr Sparks while the book The Three Golliwogs is now The Three Bold Pixies.
Pauline Burnett-Dick, 52, who bought a golliwog from the shop in Corfe Castle, Dorset,
which was immortalised in the Famous Five novels, said: "They are part of my childhood
and it ridiculous
it is being suggested they shouldn't be sold anymore."

22
Adnan Chaudry, chief officer of the Dorset Race Equality Council, said: "Golliwogs have
become widely recognised as an offensive object by all sections of the modern world."
Source
NOOO Palins!
Gatuitous pussy shot.
Monkey taunts tigers
Saturday, November 01, 2008

Vagina Musical
23
Hundreds flock to toilet to see art
A public toilet in Munich which has been transformed into an art museum has attracted
hundreds of people in the first days after opening, a spokesman for the city's tourism
agency said on Thursday.
Built in 1894, the toilet house was originally constructed to serve nearby households
which lacked necessary facilities.
After being in use for over a hundred years, the toilets were locked up in 1992 because
they were very rarely used.
"On the night we opened, around 800 people came to see our work," initiator of the mu-
seum project, Mathias Koehler told Reuters.
He said that a toilet was a great place for artistic expression because art is a form of re-
lief in the same way that going to the toilet is.
The art exhibited is mainly graffiti often with a political theme. Examples include images
of Barack Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel flanking a urinal in the corner of
the room. Four artists contributed their work to the exhibition.
Although the 70-square meter museum is only temporary, Koehler said he could not rule
out making it permanent if public interest remains high.
Source
E-mail error ends up on road sign
When officials asked for the Welsh trans-

lation of a road sign, they thought the
reply was what they needed.
Unfortunately, the e-mail response to

Swansea council said in Welsh: "I am not
in the office at the moment. Please send
any work to be translated".
So that was what went up under the Eng-

lish version which barred lorries from a
road near a supermarket.
"When they're proofing signs, they should really use someone who speaks Welsh," said
journalist Dylan Iorwerth.
Swansea Council became lost in translation when it was looking to halt heavy goods
24 vehicles using a road near an Asda store in the Morriston area
All official road signs in Wales are bilingual, so the local authority e-mailed its in-house
translation service for the Welsh version of: "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residen-
tial site only".
The reply duly came back and officials set the wheels in motion to create the large sign in
both languages.
The notice went up and all seemed well - until Welsh speakers began pointing out the
embarrassing error.
Welsh-language magazine Golwg was promptly sent photographs of the offending sign
by a number of its readers.
Managing editor Mr Iorwerth said: "We've been running a series of these pictures over
the past months.
"They're circulating among Welsh speakers because, unfortunately, it's all too common
that things are not just badly translated, but are put together by people who have no idea
about the language.
"It's good to see people trying to translate, but they should really ask for expert help.
"Everything these days seems to be written first in English and then translated.
"Ideally, they should be written separately in both languages."
A council spokeswoman said: "Our attention was drawn to the mistranslation of a sign at
the junction of Clase Road and Pant-y-Blawd Road.
Other confusing signs
"We took it down as soon as we were made aware of it and a correct sign will be re-in-
stated as soon as possible."
The blunder is not the only time Welsh has been translated incorrectly or put in the wrong
place:
• Cyclists between Cardiff and Penarth in 2006 were left confused by a bilingual road sign
telling them they had problems with an "inflamed bladder".
• In the same year, a sign for pedestrians in Cardiff reading 'Look Right' in English read
'Look Left' in Welsh.
• In 2006, a shared-faith school in Wrexham removed a sign which translated the Welsh
for staff as "wooden stave".
• Football fans at a FA Cup tie between Oldham and Chasetown - two English teams - in
25
2005 were left scratching their heads after a Welsh-language hoarding was put up along
the pitch. It should have gone to a match in Merthyr Tydfil.
• People living near an Aberdeenshire building site in 2006 were mystified when a sign
apologising for the inconvenience was written in Welsh as well as English.
Source
A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck in his bottom.
The clergyman told stunned casualty

nurses he fell backwards on to his kit-
chen table while hanging curtains.
He happened to be nude at the time of

the mishap.
The embarrassed reverend, in his 50s,

had to undergo a delicate operation to ex-
tract the offending vegetable.
The spud was yesterday revealed to be

among a litany of objects medics in Sheffield have removed from people’s nether regions.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll — and a carnation.
Like most of the other patients, the red-faced vicar insisted to staff at the city’s Northern
General Hospital that his predicament was NOT the result of a sex game gone wrong.
A & E nurse Trudi Watson said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been
hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and
on to a potato.
“But it’s not for me to question his story.
“He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.”
She admitted some sex-related emergencies had made staff chuckle. But she urged any-
one contemplating sticking something where the sun doesn’t shine to think again.
Ms Watson said: “My advice? Don’t do it.
“It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening.
“Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the per-
son having to use a colostomy bag as a result.”
26
Health staff across Sheffield, Barnsley, Rotherham and Doncaster say they are no longer
surprised at the things people use to spice up fun in the bedroom.
A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: “Like all busy hospitals we do see some
unusual accidents.
“But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way.”
Source
No Grandma's Ride
Theresa Honeywell uses an element of macho manliness - a rugged motorcycle - and

crosses it with dainty elements of femininity - the traditional medium of knitting. The res-
ult? A wondrous work of craftiness that I found delightful in its irony. Of course, these are
the stereotypes on gender, but I think the work stands to make a statement that can be
interpreted in so many ways.
Source
Tetris A Theme on Glass Bottles
Jedi Squirrels
Sunday, November 02, 2008

Man is found glued to toilet seat
A man had to be taken to hospital still attached to a steel toilet after super-glue was de-
liberately smeared on the seat.
Firefighters were unable to free the man and were forced to remove the entire toilet with
27
the man attached.
The 35-year-old was in a public toilet cubicle in Brier-

ley Hill in the West Midlands when he became stuck.
He was taken to hospital where doctors had to get

into the ambulance before using chemicals to free
him.
Toilet re-installed
An ambulance service spokesman said: "He ap-

peared to be none the worse for his ordeal other
than being understandably somewhat embarrassed."
It is thought the glue had been smeared on the toilet seat by a prankster.
An ambulance crew and a rapid response vehicle attended the scene just before midday
but they were unable to free the man.
"With the help of a local authority and the fire and rescue service, the man was removed
from the cubicle still attached to the stainless steel toilet," the spokesman said.
The toilet was later taken back to the public convenience and re-installed.
Source
Mother sets up camp in MFI bed department to show anger at lost furniture
A mother was so furious at having to wait

months for her MFI furniture that she pro-
tested today - by setting up camp in the
store with her three-year-old daughter.
Shahana Ahmad, 30, and her daughter

Diya walked into the bedroom depart-
ment of MFI Cambridge, hung their
clothes in a wardrobe and jumped into a
bed and read a story.
They spent half an hour snuggled up in the double bed before being spotted by the
store's bemused manager.
Ms Ahmad, a research scientist, has been sleeping on her bedroom floor since the first
week of September while waiting for MFI to deliver £750 set of bedroom furniture.
She ordered a double bed, two wardrobes and a mirror during a sale in July, but six
weeks later has only received half the flat pack furniture she purchased.
28
Ms Ahmad complained to MFI which promised - and failed - to deliver the furniture anoth-
er two times, before telling her the items she wanted had been discontinued.
The company said they could locate the missing items and deliver them if Shahana was
prepared to wait until October 29.
But when no furniture arrived on Wednesday Ms Ahmad, a scientist at Cancer Research

UK, reached the end of her tether after wasting four days of annual leave waiting for de-
liveries.
Ms Ahmad, from Teversham, Cambs., said: 'I am a professional lady and this is not
something I would normally do but I have been driven to this. We wanted to see what my
daughter's pretty pink clothes looked like hanging up in a wardrobe and how it feels to
sleep on a bed, which we haven't had for months.
'I am a grown woman and a scientist but I have been literally reduced to tears by MFI and
I am at my wits end. All I want is my furniture but head office will not listen to me.'
Ms Ahmad was so excited to be revamping her room she threw out her old bed and
wardrobe before the expected delivery.
But instead she has been left with nearly 200 kilos of flat pack furniture lying around her
house - which she cannot assemble because it is incomplete.
She said: 'I haven't got space in my house for 200 kilos of furniture - I have a little toddler
and she has nowhere to play. I am not living in a home, I am living in an MFI warehouse.'
The manager at MFI furniture centre Cambridge has now offered her a refund or the
same furniture in a different range following the protest.
Ms Ahmad said: 'If I wanted a refund I could have had it two months ago - instead they
made me wait.'
A spokesman for MFI said: 'MFI sincerely regrets the issues that Miss Ahmad has experi-
enced with delivery of her bedroom furniture and we offer our full apologies for the incon-
venience incurred. Miss Ahmad has ordered several items which were out of stock and
have now been discontinued.
'The local showroom manager has been in contact with Miss Ahmad and is taking the
necessary steps to ensure her complete satisfaction by offering a full refund of her order,
or alternative items from our new ranges.'
Source
Bouncing tits
29
Frog vs Snake
Monday, November 03, 2008

Snake caught eating cocky
LAST month, it was a spider chowing down on local

birdlife that caused a media frenzy around the world.
Not to be outdone, a python has taken up the chal-

lenge with a hapless sulphur-crested cockatoo (bird)
falling victim to its hungry jaws last Thursday night.
Artist and Clifton Beach resident Cindy Lane was

painting in her studio around 8pm when she heard a
"couple of loud squawks" coming from the bougain-
villea tree in her backyard.
View more photos of the snake eating the huge

cockatoo bird.
On closer inspection, she found the python coiling it-

self tightly around the bird high in the tree’s branches.
"I considered jumping in to save him, but his last breath was literally being squeezed from
him as we approached," she told The Cairns Post.
She said the python then took about two hours to complete his meal after "one false
start" with another half hour to enjoy his spoils before moving on.
"It was difficult to watch but at the same time mesmerising," Ms Lane said.
"It was just so clever how it used his upper coils to get the wings aligned so it could swal-
low the whole thing."
Source
30
Pensioners told tea-time chats in the park are 'anti-social' - and unless they talk quietly their
benches will be removed
It's a simple pleasure that brings a little

extra joy to these pensioners' lives.
Once a day the seven friends meet up for

a cup of tea and a chat on the benches
outside the sheltered accommodation
where they live.
But their get-togethers could soon be

banned - because of claims they are an
anti-social nuisance.
The housing association which owns their homes says it has received several com-
plaints over the past two years about noise from the group, the oldest of whom is aged
96.
It is warning them that the four benches they sit on could be removed unless the friends
keep it down.
Yesterday one of the pensioners - who is recovering from a stroke and has had 45 opera-
tions over the years - said she was horrified at being branded a troublemaker.
Ann Reddy, 69, who also has rheumatoid arthritis, said the accusations of anti-social be-
haviour against her and her friends were incomprehensible.
'How could I possibly be capable of anti-social behaviour?' she said.
'When I told my doctor that we might be having our benches taken away, he asked me if I
had been drinking. We don't drink and sit on walls throwing cans of lager around the
place.
'We don't sing in the middle of the night. It's unbelievable.'
The retired medical secretary, who worked for the NHS for 40 years, added: 'We just love
sitting outside in the fresh air enjoying each other's company and talking quietly about our
families, the weather, and the cost of living.'
The pensioners - most of whom live alone - meet on the benches so they can escape the
isolation of their flats. They are unable to walk to the benches in their nearest park be-
cause some are too frail.
But Broomleigh Housing Association, which owns the flats in Mottingham, South London,
is refusing to back down.
31
Another member of the group is 96-year-old Rose Anderson. Mrs Anderson, who has
nine great-grandchildren and five grandchildren, said: 'I would be devastated if I was
stopped from meeting with my friends.
'I'm so old now and I have got nothing else to do with my day.
'I would just have to sit in my flat all day long and I would go mad. We all deserve to be
treated with a lot more respect than this.' Julie Schoon, assistant director of supported
housing at Broomleigh, said: 'As a registered social landlord we are responsible for en-
suring that any complaints of noise nuisance or other forms of antisocial behaviour are
acted upon.
'Following a number of complaints from residents over the last two years we have worked
hard to try to mediate between those involved.
'We are very reluctant to remove any of the benches and would view this as a last resort.
We are currently talking to residents and considering various solutions to try to resolve
the issue.'
Last week a report by Help The Aged found a third of over-65s - some 3.6million people -
live alone and have little contact with their friends and family.
But something as simple as a having a chat with friends can greatly improve their lives, it
said.
Amy Swan of Help the Aged said: 'It's such a tragic state of affairs when older people tell
us that the only person they see from week to week is the postman.
'Isolation and loneliness are not inevitable side-effects of the ageing process, but the life
events associated with older age can leave people vulnerable.
'Once the clocks go back and the nights draw in, older people can feel even more cut off
from society, but we know that something as simple as getting out of the house to meet
and chat with other people can have a lasting effect.'
Source
"Star Wars" - an acapella tribute to John Williams
Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Lego Stephen Hawking
32 Posted by goldenlad at 07:39AM (UTC)

Swiss police follow blood trail and find bacon
Swiss police can be excused for fearing the worst.

Acting on emergency calls Monday night, they hur-
ried to a rural road in northern Switzerland where hor-
rified motorists reported a long trail of blood — what
they believed was evidence of a brutal crime.
A police statement Tuesday said officers followed the

blood for 12 miles to the town of Kuettigen only to find
that a butcher\'s supply van had spilled its cargo.
A barrel of pork blood had overturned inside. The van

had been headed for a local sausage factory.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008

33
Dominican migrants lost at sea ate dead to survive
Five migrants rescued after 15 days lost at sea ate their dead comrades to stay alive, a
Dominican official said Sunday.
One of the five, the only woman in the group, died Sunday in a hospital after the group
was found near the Turks and Caicos Islands, said Dominican Minister of Tourism Fran-
cisco Javier Garcia.
Garcia said the remaining four, part of a large group of migrants, told him that without
food, they ate from the corpse of the last person to die.
A total of 33 Dominican migrants were trying to reach Puerto Rico by boat when they
were reported missing by relatives in mid-October. Survivors said they lost their way after
the captain abandoned the ship.
Bodies of the other dead were thrown into the sea, Garcia said they told him.
The five migrants were rescued by U.S. Coast Guard helicopter on Saturday and taken to
a hospital on the island of Providenciales.
"The other four are dehydrated and have swollen legs but are expected to recover," Gar-
cia said after visiting the survivors with Turks and Caicos Premier Michael Misick.
Many of their relatives presumed they were already dead.
Hundreds of Dominicans take to the sea each year in small boats, many of them
homemade, trying to reach Puerto Rico through the dangerous Mona Passage.
In 2004, 36 survivors in a group of 87 migrants drank breast milk, sea water and ate hu-
man flesh in desperate acts to survive.
Source
Paddy Power offers odds of 4-1 that God exists
Since opening its book just two months ago, punters hoping to have their faith rewarded
have placed £5,000 with Paddy Power.
34
It began taking bets on the question that has plagued
thinkers for centuries in September, to coincide with the
switching on of the Large Hadron Collider that physicists
hope may lead to the discovery of an elusive sub-atomic
object called the "God particle".
Initially the odds that proof would be found of God's exist-

ence were 20-1, and they lengthened to 33-1 when the
multi-billion pound atom smasher was shut down tempor-
arily because of a magnetic failure.
But interest in the wager has increased greatly following

the recent launch of a campaign to have atheist adverts
placed on London buses declaring that "there's probably
no God".
As a result of a flurry of small bets Paddy Power, which also runs books on who will be
the next Pope and the head of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales, has
cut the odds on proof being found of God's existence to just 4-1.
The bookmaker stands to lose more than £50,000 if proof emerges to justify religious be-
lief.
A spokesman for Paddy Power said that confirmation of God's existence would have to
be verified by scientists and given by an independent authority before any payouts were
made, however.
He added: "The atheists' planned advertising campaign seems to have renewed the de-
bate in pubs and around office water-coolers as to whether there is a God and we've
seen some of that being transferred into bets.
"However we advise anyone still not sure of God's existence to maybe hedge their bets
for now, just in case."
Paddy Power's book on the theological topic was only opened this year, but the notion
that it is a good idea to gamble on God's existence was first put forward in the 17th Cen-
tury.
The French philosopher Blaise Pascal argued that although God's existence cannot be
proven through reason, it makes sense to have religious faith since a person has
everything to gain – an "infinitely happy life" – and nothing to lose by doing so.
Source
Tea task force to spy on water use at work 35

Envirowise is calling on businesses to ap-
point tea monitors to make sure people do
not waste water.
It is advising companies to use teapots in-

stead of making individual cups of tea, and
hopes to re-introduce tea urns to the work-
place.
They say that the moves will cut green-

house gas emissions and, in turn, help busi-
nesses to save money.
Envirowise, which is funded by the Depart-

ment for Environment Food and Rural Af-
fairs, estimates that more than 30 billion cups of water are unnecessarily boiled each
year.
In a statement it tells businesses: "Appoint a tea task force or tea monitor to make sure
all your office hot drink-making facilities are as efficient as they could be. Only boil the
water you use - this will avoid water and energy being wasted."
They go on to say that employees should use a teapot when making a round of hot drinks
as this "allows you to measure the correct amount of water you will need, and often
tastes nicer than making tea in the cup.
Mary Leonard, director at Envirowise said that the advice would serve as a "resource-
saving initiative" for small and big companies.
However, critics and politicians have branded the advice "useless".
Susie Squires of the Taxpayers' Alliance said: "This is yet another example of a taxpayer-
funded quango doling out useless advice. People are sick of these quangocrats wasting
our time and money."
The Conservative environment spokesman Peter Ainsworth said: "You might have
thought that in the current economic environment the Government would have higher pri-
orities than appointing tea monitors."
Source

36
Drugs smugglers break down outside Kenya police base
Elite Kenyan police who went to help a luxury 4x4

that broke down outside their base were surprised
when the occupants took off on foot -- until officers
took a closer look and found the vehicle loaded with
marijuana.
"When the occupants refused assistance and fled,

officers became suspicious and searched the
vehicle," finding about $20,000 (12,333 pounds)
worth of the drug, Trans Mara police boss Joshua
Omukata told The Standard newspaper.
Members of the highly-regarded paramilitary Gener-

al Service Unit from Keyian camp in the Rift Valley
were unable to catch the would-be traffickers.
Marijuana growing is a lucrative option for

many poor farmers across fertile east
Africa. Trans Mara District is home to the
Maasai Triangle, part of the Maasai Mara
Game Reserve.
Source
Thursday, November 06, 2008

37
Gravestones removed or 'secured' by over-zealous safety officers
Councillors across the country have set about shoring up memorials with plastic binding,
or stakes, or removing them entirely, to prevent them from falling over and causing injur-
ies and compensation claims.
The Health and Safety Executive has recorded 21 incidents of injuries caused by falling
headstones over the past seven years.
The Government have said that gravestone accidents have caused eight deaths in the
past 20 years.
However ministers have admitted that the vast majority of gravestones do not present a
threat and some MPs are now saying that the measures are upsetting families who see it
as unnecessary.
John Mann, Labour MP for Bassetlaw, said that in his constituency district and parish
councils had staked 800 gravestones.
He said: "Distressed constituents have found almost entire graveyards full of staked
monuments.
"One mother felt her son's grave had been desecrated."
Mr Mann also believes that the stakes themselves present more of a hazard to pass-
38
ersby as he believes that they could trip or impale themselves. He said that the situation
was a nationwide "scandal".
He said: "I would estimate that between 500,000 and a million headstones in Britain have
been wrongly staked by over-zealous burial officials.
"This is a scandal across the country."
Justice Minister Bridget Prentice admitted that some town halls had over-reacted to wor-
ries about gravestones and said that councils should pay to restore them when they had
been defaced or moved for no good reason.
She said that new national guidelines were expected to be published soon.
Source
Flaming tar barrels carried around Devon town
Devon and Somerset Fire Service had

described the scene in the Devon town as
"complete chaos" after one foot of hail fell
in the area last week, grinding the town to
a standstill.
But the residents of Ottery St Mary were

not deterred from hosting the annual Ot-
tery Carnival which includes the tradition-
al lighting of tar barrels with men carrying
them through the streets.
The custom is said to have originated in

the 17th century, and accompanies the
lighting of the bonfire on the banks of the River Otter - one of the biggest bonfires in the
south-west.
Each of Ottery's central public houses sponsor a single barrel, and in the weeks prior to
the event the barrels are soaked with tar.
They are then lit outside each of the pubs in turn and once the flames begin to pour out,
they are hoisted onto local people's backs and shoulders.
In some cases, generations of the same family carry the barrels and take great pride in
doing so - seventeen barrels are lit in all over the course of the evening.
Last week, the storm delivered enough hail to fill the Millennium Dome twice in the town,
leaving it partially cut off and 100 homes flooded.
39
Over the course of six hours, an estimated 270 million cubic feet of hail fell on the area of
five square miles, overwhelming flood defences.
Source
Pools ban floats
Floats for children have been banned at three Northumberland swimming pools - for
health and safety reasons.
Staff at Waterworld in Prudhoe ruled the water aids should not be given to young chil-
dren as they could pass on infections.
One father who told The Sun he was "amazed" when lifeguards would not give his five-
year-old son a float.
He said: "I pointed out to the staff that surely it's more of a health and safety risk if the
child sinks because they don't have a float. I was just gobsmacked by this."
Pool operator North Country Leisure also has the same rule at venues in nearby Hex-
ham and Alnwick.
Director of operations Darren Lamb said: "We normally provide floats when it is safe to do
so.
"On this occasion there was obviously a reason why it wasn't given and I can only apolo-
gise. We don't provide inflatable devices such as rings or water wings for hygiene reas-
ons."
But Hexham MP Peter Atkinson said: "This is just the latest directive from the health and
safety commissars. It is a ridiculously over-cautious approach to something which is of
great benefit to young people."
Source

40
Cream drummer may flash ginger nuts in court
Veteran drummer Ginger Baker has de-

clared he is willing to drop his trousers in
court to prove he never got jiggy with a
woman accused of defrauding him of
£30,000, the Telegraph reports.
Baker, 69, now lives in South Africa,

where he befriended Lindiwe Noko at the
bank where she worked as a clerk. He
called in cops when £30k went awol from
his account, and Noko subsequently
claimed she and the former Cream sticks-
man were lovers and he gave her the cash as a gift.
Not so, insists Baker, who is now prepared to whip off his strides to prove the point. He
explained: "I've a scar that only a woman who had a thing with me would know. It's there
and she doesn't know it's there."
The case is due to be heard in January. Watch this space for a ginger nuts update.
Source
Replica fighter jet that travels at 5mph
Measuring seven metres in length and

four metres in width the £4,000 F-35
Lightning II Fighter Jet has been built at a
scale of 1:2.
Resembling Tom Cruise's jet out of Top

Gun, it took 3,500 hours to construct the
model.
The plane is constructed from iron, wood,

hard foam, fibreglass and lots of epoxy filler, comes complete with cameras and monit-
ors inside the cockpit, and is capable of achieving speeds of 5mph on the road. 41
The plane's designer, Arthur van Poppel, 49, from Tilburg, Holland, said: "I finished the
plane at the beginning of last year.
"I had no drawings to work from, just some pictures and a small plastic Revell model to
use as an example.
"But eventually I managed to find my way and I am very happy with it."
Mr van Poppel, an accomplished artist and musician, added: "I like to entertain people -
even shock people sometimes.
"The jet can spray water and has odour pots to simulate diesel smells, and the nose can
drop down 30 degrees.
"Every time people see it they are amazed and that makes me very happy."
The jet also comes equipped with several sound effects, navigation lights, interior lights
and searchlights.
Although he has a knack for building planes, his real passion is building musical instru-
ments.
He explained: "I like to build music machines - anything from a musical car to a musical
bike.
"I have been able to play 50 musical instruments at the same time using my feet, hands,
arms and elbows.
"But I would love to play once on the Oprah Winfrey show or at Paul McCartney's birth-
day party."
Source
Friday, November 07, 2008

42
Squirrels dancing to Michael Jackson
Pilot blinded in mid-air guided to safety by RAF jet
Jim O'Neill was flying his Cessna plane at 15,000 feet when he suddenly lost his sight
while suffering a stroke last Friday.
The 65-year-old, who had taken off from Prestwick airport and was on his way to Col-
chester in Essex, radioed for help and the RAF responded, sending a jet to his aid.
The military aircraft flew alongside Mr O'Neill and guided him down to land at RAF Linton-
on-Ouse in north Yorkshire.
He was taken to hospital where doctors discovered that the stroke had caused blood the
back of his head to put pressure on the optic nerve, blinding him.
Mr O'Neill, who is still receiving medical attention, said: "I should not be alive. I owe my
life to the RAF, it was terrifying.
"Suddenly I couldn't see the dials in front of me. All there was in front of me was a blur. I
was helpless at the controls."
Group Captain Mark Hopkins, station commander at Linton-on-Ouse, said: "Shepherding

aircraft in this way is something we do from time to time, but this is a very strange case.
"I'm proud we could get him on the ground safely."
Source
Mink chews holes in speedboats at marina
The animal was spotted by powerboat owner Elliott Maurice after he discovered a hole in
the cabin of his £100,000 craft moored up at Brighton Marina.
43
The 36-year-old businessman said his
suspicions were first raised when he no-
ticed animal droppings on board his boat.
He then noticed the hole in the cabin and

caught sight of the mink on another boat
as it gnawed at a piece of rope.
Mr Maurice said: "I went on the boat and found quite a strange smell and thought it was a
bit odd.
"When I opened the cabin I saw droppings about the size of rat droppings. Then I saw a
hole in the bulkhead about the size of a fist and I knew there was no way a rat could have
done that.
"I went up to the harbour office and was told there is a mink on the loose - and then I saw
the little sod."
He said he didn't know how much damage the mink, dubbed Minnie, had caused to other
boats, but said it could run into tens of thousands of pounds.
He said: "I don't know how much damage it has done to other boats. A lot of the owners
are away at the moment, but it seems to have chosen my boat as its temporary home.
"I'm not over keen on it, to be honest. It is quite cute looking but not something you want
to make friends with. I think they can be quite vicious."
Marina bosses said the mink has been on the loose for 10 days and are getting in a spe-
cialist team to hunt the creature before it does any more damage.
One boat owner, who did not want to be named, said he had discovered a hole in the
desk of his boat on Monday and was furious that the mink was still on the run.
He said: "This little blighter has chewed its way through some of my decking and I'm furi-
ous.
"Someone needs to do something about it quick or we'll end up with boats at the bottom
of the sea."
It is believed the mink is the offspring of one of hundreds set free by animal liberation act-
ivists in the late 1960s.
Source
44 Shepherd's contest a load of bollocks

The bulls' testicles were the curly bit for
contestants in the Shepherd's Sher-
mozzle in Hunterville at the weekend.
They had to fang into dry weetbix, scoff a

raw egg and wash the lot down with a can
of beer.
The beer probably also cushioned the taste of raw bulls' testicles, which had to be carted,
by mouth, 50m to the next stage of the competition.
Winner Josh Masters said he'd never carried a bull's testicle in his teeth before, but it
wasn't too bad.
"Best of all, they weren't connected to anything."
People who want the information will be delighted to know a bull's testicle weighs about
1kg, raw, depending on the size of animal it came from.
They were supplied by meat plants where bulls are killed for export meat.
Rumour had it that one spectator did eat a testicle, raw, but organisers said they couldn't
comment on the taste. They claimed they were "lovely" cooked - a sort of Texas version
of the famous mountain oyster.
Mr Masters and his bitch Scruff came first in the Shepherds Shermozzle. (She won a bag
of dog biscuits and he a jacket.)
The best dog bark came from Guy Peacock's dog, Pound.
Source
Worst Job In The World?
Publican to burn Tower of London model after spending nine weeks making it
Edward Heath made the intricate model out of pallet wood and will set fire to it, in front of
2,000 people in the name of charity.
45
Mr Heath, 59, began constructing "bon-
fire buildings" in 1996 when he erected a
replica of the Houses of Parliament, be-
fore going on to make Wembley stadium,
the White House and even his local pub.
He thought about stopping last year but

said he was nagged by his mother and
his wife to carry on, and this year will see his first ever 3D effort.
Mr Heath, who will set fire to the model at the event at Dilhorne, near Stoke-On-Trent,
Staffs said: "It's an intricate sort of building and a nice interesting building - there is no
political reason for doing this.
"It's a historic building that everybody recognises and I think it's one of my best creations
yet."
He said: "I gave myself more time than usual because I'm getting on a bit now - but I
think I'll be able to carry on until I retire.
"I wasn't going to do one this time round, I was thinking of giving up last one round but
my mum and my wife keep telling me I have to.
"I really hope the weather holds out because the forecast doesn't sound too good, but I'm
sure whatever happens, we will have a great time.
This year's plan was to build and burn Downing Street but the changed his mind at the
11th hour. "I realised Downing Street wasn't much more than a door so I thought the
Tower of London would be a much more striking building to create," he said.
He said the three dimensional Tower is built from pallets "was nice and easy to build but
it creates a wonderful illusion", adding: "I might put a picture of Gordon Brown on one of
the windows and get some ravens in there somehow."
Source

Honkin On My Crack Pipe
Vegetable ‘bouquet’ at gardener’s funeral
The family of a green-fingered Herefordshire man arranged a bouquet of vegetables

46 rather than flowers at his funeral last week.
Ernest Shelley, who was known as Robin, died at Ross Community Hospital last month,
aged 92.
During his retirement, Mr Shelley had kept a large garden from which he supplied relat-
ives with fresh vegetables. He had no time for growing flowers and his family decided it
would be more fitting to provide a vegetable tribute at his funeral at Cinderford Crematori-
um last Wednesday.
Mr Shelley was born in Hockley, Essex, in 1915 and his father was a thatcher – a trade
which the family worked in from 1807. He started as a thatcher and moved into farming.
He became a leading farm hand and farm manager in Canvey Island, Essex.
He married Elsie, now aged 92, in 1938 and the couple had two daughters, Judy and Gil-
lian. The couple retired to Bromsash, near Ross-on-Wye, in 1974 and their two daugh-
ters both live nearby.
Mr Shelley had been active until spring this year. He was admitted to Ross Community
Hospital in October where he died with his family by his side.
He is survived by Elsie, two daughters, four grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.
Source
Two French wine-makers suffocated by carbon dioxide fumes from grapes they were treading
Two amateur French wine makers have

died after they were suffocated by the
fumes from the grapes they were tread-
ing with their bare feet.
The victims had volunteered to help a

friend make wine at his vineyard in the
northern Ardeche region and had climbed
into the six-foot wide vat to begin the tra-
ditional process of extracting the juice
from the grapes.
But police believe Daniel Moulin, 48, and 50-year-old Gerard Dachis were overcome by
carbon dioxide fumes that are given off during fermentation and collapsed.
Rescuers tried frantically to revive the pair but in spite of resuscitation efforts the two men
did not regain conciousness.
The owner of the small estate - who makes wine every year for himself and friends - and
another pal who were also helping in the process were later treated in hospital for inhala-
47
tion of carbonic gas in the poorly-ventilated farm building.
It is not unheard of for wine-makers to become overcome by carbon dioxide fumes.
In 2003 a South African man was killed after climbing into a wine tank and suffocating.
The four people who tried to save him had to be rushed to hospital. A doctor at the hos-
pital told media at the time that wine makers were regularly overcome by fumes in the
tanks.
Carbon dioxide is formed during the alcoholic fermentation of the grapes. Because it is
1.5 times heavier than air it sinks to floor level - the bottom of wine vats or in wine cellars.
The gas is odourless and colourless, meaning that ventilation and carbon dioxide testing
during the wine-making process can become life-saving. A concentration of just eight per
cent is enough to kill a human being.
Source
Oh Noes!

48
Sisters who could be killed by a loud noise
Every morning the sisters, aged nine and

11, have to be woken from their sleep
with the greatest of care.
The girls have the rare medical condition

Long QT Syndrome, which causes an ab-
normality of the heart's electrical system.
As a result of their illness, any sudden

rush of adrenaline or a sharp rise in blood
pressure could prove fatal.
Even any type of exercise - especially swimming - could be fatal.
Samantha Church, the girls' mother, said: "Sometimes it just feels like I'm living with a
time bomb, terrified it today will be the day it goes off.
"It breaks my heart not knowing if they are going to be here tomorrow or in five years
time."
Long QT Syndrome affects one in 7,000, and is usually genetic.
Mrs Church, 41, said: "My mother-in-law had the condition and had to have a defibrillator
fitted.
"We had the girls checked from an early age but initial tests proved inconclusive."
It was doctors at Swansea's Singleton Hospital who picked up the little-known condition
during an ECG scan of the youngest daughter, Evie, in July this year.
Mrs Church said: "Chloe and Evie have to be woken up really carefully in the morning
and have to skip PE lessons at school.
"They exercise using the Nintendo Wii, but have to be strictly supervised.
"They're both on beta blockers for life. It's been incredibly tough for them, but they've
coped remarkably well."
Luckily for the girls, they are fairly safe from harm as long as they can prepare for loud
noises.
It meant they could go with their friends to a fireworks party this week and enjoy the
bangs like any other child.
"I want Chloe and Evie to try and have as normal a life as possible – I can't wrap them up
in cotton wool," added Mrs Church.
49
Source
Resident trapped in homes by tumbleweed
In a scene reminiscent of a science fic-

tion film, residents of Hawthorne Drive
woke up Thursday morning to find the
dried brush piled up against their win-
dows and doors by the northwest winds,
the Wyoming Tribune Eagle reported.
Tumbleweeds blow into town every au-

tumn, but a city official says this week's
dump is noticeable because the winds of
Wednesday and Thursday were the first extreme weather after a relatively calm fall sea-
son.
The National Weather Service reported sustained winds of 35-40 mph (56-64 kph) in the
city with gusts up to 66 mph (106.21 kph).
Tumbleweed, also known as Saltwort, Russian thistle or Salsola is native to Europe, Asia
and Africa but is believed to have been brought to the US in a consignment of flax.
The plants break away from their roots in the autumn and are carried by the wind,
spreading their seeds as they go.
In film and television shows, a tumbleweed blowing across a scene can be used to indic-
ate a deserted location or to emphasize an awkward silence.
Source
About bloody time, Chipshop!
Kerry Katona has admitted for the first time that she IS an alcoholic.
The former Atomic Kitten singer previously denied a drinking problem after viewers
watched an erratic TV chatshow appearance which she blamed on medication.
But the 28-year-old has told a Sunday newspaper: “Four years ago I was diagnosed as
an alcoholic after a stay in The Priory clinic.
“This is not common knowledge as I’ ve never admitted it before. But this is a battle I will
face for the rest of my life.
50
“I can get through days without a drink
but it’s hard.
“I never promise myself or my family that I

can beat this addiction but I’ll try bloody
hard.”
The mother-of-four has faced a string of

public problems in her personal and pro-
fessional life since her pop star days and
spent time in The Priory clinic in London
four years ago.
But Katona, who was diagnosed with bi-

polar disorder, and her husband Mark
Croft stressed that alcohol was not to blame for her slurring her words on ITV’s This
Morning last month.
The couple, who live in Cheshire, said her behaviour was down to taking medication late
the night before her interview with Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton, in which they asked
her if she had a drink problem.
In the aftermath of the chat show appearance Katona parted company with her long-time
publicist Max Clifford after he expressed concerns about the reality TV star.
Mr Clifford said today he hoped Katona would get the support and treatment she needed
to help her recover from alcoholism.
He said: “I have known that Kerry had this problem for a long time and the fact that she
has now come out and admitted it is a step in the right direction.
“She has tried to hide it for some time now.
“Hopefully she will get the help, support and the treatment that she needs so she can pull
herself back from the brink of disaster.”
Mr Clifford said that although he has not been in contact with Katona he still has great af-
fection for her.
“Everyone knows that I think the world of her and I hope that she manages to get control
back in her life,” he said.
“Now that she has admitted it hopefully people will be more understanding.”
Source
Virtual Lego Fashion Show
51

One in a million chance
'Odourprinting' could be used to identify people
Every person has a unique fragrance, similar to a fingerprint or DNA sample, which could
be used to create a database of human scents, scientists said.
Eating powerful foods such as chili or garlic may change how we smell, but it does dis-
guise our underlying genetically-determined aroma, tests on mice have shown. Creatures
who were given strong-smelling foods were still recognised by their peers.
The signature smells may have evolved to help in choosing mates and marking out territ-
ories.
Jae Kwak, lead author of the study at Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia,
said that the research suggested that "odourprinting" could soon have a practical use.
"These findings indicate that biologically based odourprints, like fingerprints, could be a
reliable way to identify individuals," he said.
"If this can be shown to be the case for humans, it opens the possibility that devices can
be developed to detect individual odourprints in humans."
The tests used chemical analyses of urine as well as "sensor" mice trained to use their
sense of smell to choose between pairs of test mice, who were fed different foods. The
results were published in the online journal PLoS ONE.
Source
Kiteboarder sails over whale
David Sheridan, 42, was riding his kite-

board, while lurking in the water just a few
feet below was a whale.
As the New South Wales man surfed,

suspended beneath a large kite, the
whale smacked him on the back of the
head with its tail.
52
"It all happened so fast that all I could do was crouch down as the whale swam under
me," Mr Sheridan told Sydney's Daily Telegraph.
"I saw the huge shape and my reaction was to duck while remaining attached to the fly-
ing lines from the sail above me.
"The next thing I felt was its tail come up and hit me on the back of the head.
"I honestly thought I was gone – it was such a forceful blow – but then the whale eased
off and I was able to sail away.
"But my legs were really shaking. I've never been through anything like that before and
probably never will again."
Mr Sheridan's camera was attached to the kite and programmed to take photos every ten
seconds. He was kiteboarding near Valla Beach, off the north coast of New South Wales,
with two friends.
"The camera was set to start firing off shots every 10 seconds as soon as I hit the water.
When the sail was at full height the camera was about 25m above the surface.
"It was a lucky shot to snap the whale as it came up underneath me.
"It would have been great to have got a picture a second later when the tail came up and
hit me in the back of the head, but you take what you get.
"It was more of a push than a punch. I expected more."
Source
Slinky Cat
Artist to give away 1,000 works
Urban artist Adam Neate plans to give away 1,000 of his works by leaving them around
the streets of London for anyone to pick up next Friday night.
A team of helpers will work their way from the outskirts of the capital to the centre, distrib-
uting the pieces.
"Street art is what I've always done and I wanted to get back to my roots," said Neate,
whose pieces have fetched up to £43,000 at auction.
Each piece will have a different combination of printing and stamping. 53

"Every piece will be stamped or stapled differently,
hence have an individual look," said Neate, who
has lived in London for eight years.
'Non-discriminatory'
He added: "Art was around before money so

people should be able to enjoy it for what it is.
"The art will be distributed through poorer and rich-

er areas of London in a non-discriminatory fashion,
from the outside in."
The value of urban art has rocketed this year with

a painting attributed to graffiti artist Banksy, salvaged from a London wall, fetching
£208,100.
Neate's two and three dimensional paintings use recycled cardboard boxes as canvases
and have been noted for their complex layering and bold use of paint.
"I don't mind what people do with them. They can keep them and put them on the wall in
their house or stick them in the bin," said the 31-year-old.
Source

China police chief arrests 48 relatives
A police chief in a remote county of southwestern China has taken down 48 of his relat-
ives for various crimes including brothers, cousins and a number of his wife's family, loc-
al media said on Tuesday.
Laobulaluo, a police chief in Heizhugou township, Sichuan province, had seen 25 relat-
ives either jailed, sent for "re-education through labour," or punished in other ways, ac-
cording to a report posted on state news portal Chinanews.com ( www.chinanews.com.cn
).
The police chief, who is in his 30s, is a member of China's Yi ethnic minority. Over a 10-
year career, He had personally arrested a brother and two cousins after finding they had
beaten local teachers at a primary school while drunk.
Other family members were arrested after stealing a woman's handbag.
The policeman's sense of duty had inflamed his relatives, some of whom had taken turns
threatening his parents, and had "even secretly cut off the tails and slashed the legs of
their cows," the report said.
54
"In the first few years, I did not dare head back to my hometown to pass the New Year
holiday, but now it's all right. Everyone understands and supports what I was doing at the
time," the report quoted him as saying.
Source
Man taken to court after wheelie bin falls over
Gary Rostron, 34, a care worker, claims the bin was knocked over after he left it out for
collection in March.
Officials at Blackburn with Darwen Council disagreed. They issued him with a £60 fixed
penalty notice for "incorrectly placing rubbish bags beside a collecting receptacle" and
then took him to court when he refused to pay.
Local magistrates have now accepted that the householder was telling the truth and
cleared him of breaching Section 46 of the Environmental Protection Act.
Mr Rostron, of Mill Hill, Blackburn, said: "The council told me they had evidence I had
dumped the rubbish because there were three envelopes with my name and address on
them in the bags found in the alley.
"Of course there were - it was my rubbish. But I had put the bags in the bin and left them
out for the binmen. They must have been knocked or pushed over after that."
He added: "This is penalising people who go out to work and cannot put their bins out
minutes before the binmen come, or bring them back in the moment they are emptied.
"I was not willing to have a criminal record because of something I did not do, which is
why I fought it. The whole thing must have wasted thousands of pounds of taxpayers'
money, which would be better spent on cleaning up the streets."
Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the campaigning group the Taxpayers' Alliance, said:
"This court case should never have been brought in the first place and taxpayers have
been landed with a totally unnecessary bill.
"People don't pay their council tax for the council to squander it on overzealous prosecu-
tions."
Kate Hollern, leader of the Labour-controlled council, said: "I think that people dumping
rubbish should be taken to court, but I do have sympathy with this gentleman because I
have had a number of complaints about bins not being collected and then getting
knocked over. What are residents supposed to do?"
Alan Cottam, the executive member for regeneration and environment, said that no
55
householder would ever be convicted "if we dropped cases when people say they are in-
nocent."
He added: "Evidence has to be tested in court and it is then up to the magistrates to de-
cide."
Council bosses insisted such prosecutions were a "last resort" and that they had to let
"evidence be tested in court".
A spokesman for Blackburn with Darwen Council said: “We spend thousands of pounds a
year cleaning up the borough, educating people to dispose of waste properly and not
drop litter and enforcement action is a necessary part of that process. Court action is al-
ways a last resort after other options have failed.”
Source
Dog adopts kittens
A female dog is nursing a litter of kittens

which were orphaned when their mother
died in China.
Their owner, Cai, of Jiangmen, said he

has been raising cats and dogs together
for more than 10 years, and they all got
along together well.
But this was the first time he had ever

seen kittens being nursed by a dog, he
told the local Guangzhou Daily.
The four kittens seemed happy and content with their new mother's milk, while the dog
was tending to its adopted family with love and care, Cai added.
"Several days ago, the kittens' mother died after eating a poisoned rat, leaving behind a
litter of kittens without a source of milk," he said.
"The kittens' cries may have stirred the dog's maternal nature, since it too had recently
given birth. It volunteered to take over and feed the kittens of its old friend."
The dog's own puppies had been taken away by one of its grown-up offspring.
Cai said: "That's perhaps another reason why the dog adopted the kittens. She lost all of
her own children."
Source
56

Getting fired up at the World Series Parade
Russian village church 'vanishes'
The Church of Christ's Resurrection, in the central Russian village of Komarovo, was built
in 1809 but in early October someone took it away brick by brick, Father Vitaly a spokes-
man for the local Russian Orthodox Church, claimed.
"We have sent a letter to local prosecutors," he said. "Who exactly did this, the investiga-
tion will show."
The church was in an isolated area only occasionally visited by clergymen, so the disap-
pearance was not immediately noticed.
Komarovo is in the Ivanovo region, about 186 miles north-east of Moscow. The church
was not in use but clergy had been considering resuming services there, the Ivanovo-
Voznesenskaya and Kineshemskaya diocese said in a statement on its internet site.
A survey of the large, two-storey church a few months ago found that it was structurally
sound, but now all that remains are the foundations and sections of walls, the statement
said.
Thieves routinely make off with church property in rural Russia, where unemployment,
petty crime and alcoholism are widespread.
Criminals target religious icons stored in churches because they can fetch a good price,
and church buildings are dismantled to provide building materials.
"This is not an isolated case," said Father Vitaly. "In many villages in central Russia sites
of historical interest are being dismantled and people suffer by being deprived of their cul-
tural heritage."
Source
Dog barred from pub unless she wears high-vis vest
Hatty had been banned from the Jolly Sailor pub in Prestatyn, Denbighshire, north
Wales, for chewing beer mats.
57
But landlord Nigel McLelland finally relen-
ted and let the Lakeland Terrier return -
under strict conditions.
Jeff Hughes, the dog's owner, explained

how Mr McLelland had put his pet on a
pub watch scheme last year after a rowdy
night out.
Drinkers started throwing beer mats about which caught the dog's attention.
Mr Hughes, 35, a roofer, said: "One night we went in there and it was packed, there had
been football on or whatever. She just went berserk."
He said that the landlord had "got a bit annoyed about this and basically put her on the
pub watch scheme."
Mr McLelland said he only reversed his decision after a petition was launched to let Hatty
back in and he feared he was going to lose trade.
Now Hatty can enter the pub but only if she wears the specially made reflective jacket,
which she also wears while accompanying her master on building sites.
The landlord insisted on the vest so staff and customers can see where the dog is when
she is rooting around under tables for the mats.
Source
Woman killed by husband's coffin
A Brazilian woman has died after being struck by her husband's coffin when the hearse
they were travelling in was involved in a car crash.
The 67-year-old woman was on the way to the cemetery to bury her husband, who had
died the day before.
The hearse was struck from behind by an Alfa Romeo car, police said.
The coffin slammed into the head of the woman, who was sitting in the passenger seat of
the hearse, killing her instantly, according to officers.
Marciana Silva Barcelos and her family were on the way to a cemetery in the town of
Alvorada in the Brazilian state of Rio Grande do Sul, for the funeral of her partner, Josi
Silveira Coimbra.
58
The 76-year-old man had died of a heart attack on Sunday after attending a dance.
Following the accident, the driver of the Alfa Romeo was trapped for around 50 minutes
in the wreckage and was taken to hospital where he was put under observation.
The driver of the hearse and a son of the dead man, who was also travelling in the
hearse, were treated for minor injuries.
An investigation is now underway to determine the cause of the accident.
Source
Cosmetic surgery addict injected cooking oil into her own face
Hang Mioku, now 48, had her first plastic

surgery procedure when she was 28;
hooked from the beginning she moved to
Japan where she had further operations -
mostly to her face.
Following operation after operation, her

face was eventually left enlarged and dis-
figured, but she would still look at herself
in the mirror and think she was beautiful.
Eventually the surgeons she visited refused to carry out any more work on her and one
suggested that her obsession could be a sign of a psychological disorder.
When she returned home to Korea the surgery meant Hang's features had changed so
much that her own parents didn't recognise her.
After realising that the girl with the grossly swollen face was indeed their daughter her
horrified parents took her to a doctor. Once again the possibility that Hang had a mental
disorder was raised and she started treatment.
However, this treatment was too expensive for her to keep up and she soon fell back into
old ways.
Amazingly, she found a doctor who was willing to give her silicone injects and, what's
more, he then gave her a syringe and silicone of her own so she could self-inject.
When her supply of silicone ran out Hang resorted to injecting cooking oil into her face.
Her face became so grotesquely large that she was called "standing fan" by children in
her neighbourhood - due to her large face and small body.
59
As Hang's notoriety spread she was featured on Korean TV. Viewers seeing the report
took mercy on her and sent in enough donations to enable her to have surgery to reduce
the size of her face.
During the first procedure surgeons removed 60g of foreign substance from Hang's face
and 200g from her neck.
After several other sessions her face was left greatly reduced but still scarred and dis-
figured.
And it would seem that even Hang can now see the damage she has done; she now says
that she would simply like her original face back.
Source

Alien scorpions invade film studios
The creatures are thought to have "hitched a lift" to the UK at the end of an overseas film
shoot.
A studio spokesman said pest controllers were called in after the discovery on Friday and
had checked the site thoroughly.
One scorpion was caught and has been handed over to animal quarantine officers at
Heathrow Airport, while the studios were coy about what exactly happened to the second
alien arthropod.
However, the spokesman added: "Nobody was in any danger and we are satisfied that
the situation has been dealt with.
"The scorpions have not hit any productions. They were small and we have been told
they were 'sub-adult' scorpions.
"They were probably cold and miserable after finding themselves in Britain. It is thought
that they hitched a life from a location where a production was filming."
60 There are around 2,000 species of venomous scorpions, most of which prefer a warm cli-
mate.
Source

Madonna's Demands
Nut Sacks?
Creepy piggy bank
Plane hits cow during landing
Action is at around 40 seconds.

61
Man caught having sex with goat is forced to marry it
Mr. Tombe form Sudan was left no

choice but to take a goat as his wife after
he was caught having sexual relations
with it.
The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he sur-
prised the man with his goat and took him
to a council of elders.
They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay

a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50)
to Mr Alifi.
"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.
Book on sex positions given to primary pupils
Children on a primary school trip to Sainsbury's were given a book containing pictures of
sex positions as a going home gift.
The book, How To Change The World For A Fiver, was mistakenly given to pupils, aged
eight and nine, during a visit to the supermarket in Haverhill, Suffolk.
The 42 children, from Burton End primary, were surprised to read advice such as - have
a bath with a friend to: "Save water. Have fun. Just get out before everything becomes
wrinkled."
Other inappropriate suggestions in the £5 book include encouraging readers to shave in

intimate places, streak, talk to strangers and hand out your phone number to five people
on the street.
The blunder came to light only when a father heard his daughter giggling with friends as
they flicked through the pages, reports the Daily Mail.
Engineer Andrew Dodd, 37, whose daughter Laura is eight, said: "I was furious. It was
extremely inappropriate and irresponsible to give to children.
"The teachers were as horrified as we were when they saw it. Laura thought it was funny
but thankfully she didn't really understand it."
A Sainsbury's spokesman admitted: "This was a well-intentioned mistake. It is a very nice

book about how to make the world a better place but it is not targeted at children.
62
"The cover looks like a kid's book. This was a mix-up and we would like to apologise for
any distress caused. It certainly won't happen again."
Source
Prisoner mails himself to freedom
An inmate escaped from jail in Germany by posting himself out of prison in a giant Fed-
Ex box of dirty laundry.
Drug dealer Hans Lang, 42, hid in the laundry room after other inmates had finished work
there and bundled himself up in dirty bed sheets in the large box.
The package was then loaded onto a van and driven through the gates at the prison in
Willich near Dusseldorf.
He is understood to have waited until the driver made his next stop before getting out of
the box, picking the lock on the back of the van and running off into nearby woods.
It was only discovered that he was missing after the driver saw the empty box and real-
ised the lock to his van had been picked from the inside.
A spokesman for police who are now hunting him said: "It's the kind of thing people think
only happens in films - but in this case it is very real."
Source
Russell Brand's gay shocker
Russell Brand told American audiences

last night that he pretends to be gay to
trick women into bed. The comedian, who
had a feature on his now-infamous Radio
2 show called 'GAY!' in which members of
the public could reveals their homosexu-
ality, told cult host David Lettermen that
women often assume he is gay.
Consequently, Russell said that women

feel less threatened by his advances because they don't believe that he fancies them.
Phone prank
Russell made no mention of the voice message with he and Jonathan Ross left on Fawlty 63
Towers' actor Andrew Sachs' answering machine which implied that Russell had had sex
with his grandaughter.
Russell said: "In spite of appearances, I'm a heterosexual male.
"Because I'm so well dressed, people think, 'He must be gay. Look at his haircut, he must
be gay. Look how sensitive and vulnerable he is, he must be gay.'
"That means women feel safe around me. They trust me.Then bang! Pregnant! Bang!
Pregnant! Bang! Pregnant! Another generation. We continue."
Source
Queen owns terraced house
The Queen reportedly owns a rat-infested ter-

raced house.
Officials have written to her lawyers about the

boarded-up property in Gorton, Manchester.
The house has been abandoned for over a dec-

ade after being owned by a firm that was dis-
solved.
Councillors found the son of an ex-director but he

had no interest in claiming ownership.
Under an historic law, because Manchester is in

the County Palatine of Lancaster, ownership of
"disclaimed" houses must automatically pass to
the Duchy of Lancaster.
And since 1399, the estate and jurisdiction of the duchy has belonged to the reigning sov-
ereign.
One resident, Stuart McCabe, 52, said: "We've had rats in the backyard, pigeons, mice -
you name it."
The council wrote to royal solicitors Farrer & Co recommending use of powers to take
ownership.
The house can then be given or sold to the council or a developer reports The Sun.
Councillor Jackie Pearcey said: "In the past I've told officers I want action taken on a
house and didn't care if the Queen owned it. But it's the first time a house has actually
64
been owned by the Queen."
Source
Sluts Hole Lane - Google Maps
Click pic for map.
Cat attacks self in mirror

Dead Parrot sketch is 1,600 years old
A classic scholar has proved the point,

by unearthing a Greek version of the
world-famous piece that is some 1,600
years old.
A comedy duo called Hierocles and Phil-

agrius told the original version, only rather
than a parrot they used a slave.
It concerns a man who complains to his

friend that he was sold a slave who dies in his service.
His companion replies: "When he was with me, he never did any such thing!"
The joke was discovered in a collection of 265 jokes called Philogelos: The Laugh Addict,
which dates from the fourth century AD.
Hierocles had gone to meet his maker, and Philagrius had certainly ceased to be, long
before John Cleese and Michael Palin reinvented the yarn in 1969.
Their version featured Cleese as an exasperated customer trying to get his money back
from Palin's stubborn pet salesman.
Cleese's character becomes increasingly frustrated as he fails to convince the shopkeep-

er that the 'Norwegian Blue' is dead.
The manuscripts from the Greek joke book have now been published in an online book,
65
featuring former Bullseye presenter and comic Jim Bowen presenting them to a modern
audience.
Mr Bowen said: "One or two of them are jokes I've seen in people's acts nowadays,
slightly updated.
"They put in a motor car instead of a chariot - some of them are Tommy Cooper-esque."
Jokes about wives, it seems, have always been fair game.
One joke goes: "A man tells a well-known wit: 'I had your wife, without paying a penny'.
The husband replies: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What
made you do it?"
The book was translated by William Berg, an American classics professor.
Source
Improbable Building
Australia rocked by 'lesbian' koala revelation
Female koalas indulge in lesbian "sex sessions", rejecting male suitors and attempting to
mate with each other, sometimes up to five at a time, according to researchers.
66
The furry, eucalyptus-eating creatures ap-
pear to develop this tendency for same-
sex liaisons when they are in captivity. In
the wild, they remain heterosexual.
Scientists monitoring the marsupials with

digital cameras counted three homosexu-
al interactions for every heterosexual one.
"Some females rejected the advances of

males that were in their enclosures, only to become willing participants in homosexual
encounters immediately after," say the researchers.
"On several occasions more than one pair of females shared the same pole, and multiple
females mounted each other simultaneously. At least one multiple encounter involved
five female koalas.
"One theory put forward by the researchers is that the females do it to attract males; an-
other is that it is simply hormonal, or that it is a stress reliever.
Scientists from the University of Queensland studied 130 koalas in captivity and will pub-
lish their results in the journal Applied Animal Behaviour Science.
"Our aim was to determine the extent of differences in the homosexual and heterosexual
behaviour of female koalas and thereby to determine the purpose of female homosexual
behaviour in the koala," say the researchers.
"Wild koalas brought into captivity clearly display homosexual behaviour on a regular
basis. A total of 15 heterosexual and 43 homosexual interactions were recorded in separ-
ate animals. Homosexual behaviour was restricted to females only. Heterosexual en-
counters were typically twice as long as homosexual encounters," they add.
Source
How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You
Click on the pic to find out if your cat plans to kill you.
Aussie sperm floods UK
Australians backpacking through the UK are among the biggest sperm donors in London.
Australian travellers are turning the tables on the Brits, colonising the UK by stealth.
67
London fertility clinics have reported that up to a third of sperm donors are now foreign-
ers, and many are visitors from Down Under.
One of the capital's biggest clinics, the Bridge Centre, confirmed Australian backpackers
were becoming donors to gain extra money to support their travels.
"What you get with the 'grand tour' is very enterprising people who look at every single
way of making a buck," spokesman Tim Mott told News Limited.
With an official report yesterday warning that donor numbers in Britain were critically low,
the clinics are hoping more travelling Aussies will lend a hand.
"We need them. We need that winning spirit and we need some more left-handed bats-
men so we're hoping that's in the gene set," Mr Mott joked.
"If you're on the grand tour and you're spending 12 months in the UK, here's something
you can do to make a bit of extra money.
"They should have it on the same 'to do list' as going to the rugby at Twickenham.
"It's a good cause and if we get enough Australian donors you could end up colonising
the UK instead of the other way round."
Fertility clinics can offer donors limited reimbursement for time lost at work and travel ex-
penses.
For 20 visits over the course of several months, the payments can add up to 500 ($1200),
Mr Mott said.
Donors lost their right to remain anonymous when new laws were introduced in the UK in
2005.
Children conceived through this process can now contact their genetic fathers once they
turn 18.
Foreign donors, however, may believe they can "disappear" in their home countries.
"The profile used to be completely different. It used to be British students. But non-British
donors are now easier to recruit," Mr Mott said.
"They know no-one will be able to find them in 18 years time."
Other donors are from South Africa, Poland, the Ukraine and Colombia.
A British Fertility Society report yesterday showed there was a 40 per cent drop in new
donors between 1991 (503 donors) to 2006 (296 donors).
And for the record, Matthew Hayden, Allan Border and Adam Gilchrist are all left-handed
68
batsmen.
Source
Local man invents vibrating toilet seat
A Jones County native has developed a

new twist to a traditional item.
Johnny Henry of Laurel has developed
the vibrating toilet seat.
“I believe in thinking out of the box,”

Henry said. “I wanted to create something
that is a little unusual.
“This invention is designed to stimulate,”

he said. “It’s to make you feel good while
you are there.”
Because of Henry’s invention, he re-

cently attended the Invent Bay Interna-
tional Inventors Convention held at the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada.
“It was great,” Henry said about the convention. “You get to meet with licensers, buyers
and investors, and I got a chance to promote my product. ... It was really nice.”
Also while at the convention, Henry, a native of Soso, made a pitch for the Jay Leno
Show and The Discovery Channel.
Henry said he currently has a provisional patent on the product, however, “hopefully I’ll
get on one of the shows and be able to introduce my product to a national audience.”
Henry said the vibrating toilet seat “is a novelty item that can also be used as a gag gift.”
When asked how he developed the idea, Henry said he “wanted to add some life to the
otherwise lifeless toilet seat.”
Henry, a 1968 graduate of Roosevelt High School in Ellisville, attended Jones County Ju-
nior College and Alcorn State University before entering the United States Army in 1973.
After three years in the Army, Henry enrolled at the University of Southern Mississippi,
where he obtained a bachelor’s degree in sociology.
However, Henry said the inventors convention was very educational.
“The convention was very exciting. There was 300-400 investors there,” Henry added. “I
gained a wealth of knowledge about how to market inventions and how to get a product
69
going.”
Henry, who began working on his invention in 1997, has now developed a prototype.
Henry said he continues to work on the invention to make it look more slick, modern and
appealing.
“I want it to automatically turn on when someone sits on the seat,” he explained.
“It will have two speeds. On high speed, it will increase the blood flow and stimulate the
body and muscles.”
Henry, who enjoys writing, said he has gotten poems published and also a book.
However, Henry said, he continues to be focused on modernizing his invention.

Source
Rare albino hedgehog rescued by couple
Nick and Julie Packham then made a

250-mile round trip to take the hedgehog
to the Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital, in
Haddenham, Bucks, because they were
concerned it would be picked up by pred-
ators.
Only one in 100,000 hedgehogs are born

with the recessive gene that means they
have no melanin pigment in their skin,
eyes and spikes.
The Packhams, of Pluckley, Kent, have named the hedgehog Midnight because of its
ghostly appearance.
Mrs Packham said: "We saw this white hedgehog and could not really believe our eyes.
He was literally glowing in the dark. He was so cute but he would have died had we left
him by the road.
"I asked the sanctuary whether we could keep him but apparently they need specialist
care because they suffer from things like sunburn.
"I think it is quite nice for people to see them and be aware that they exist."
The Tiggywinkles founder Les Stocker said the new arrival was a young male, probably
born last spring, and was incredibly rare. There are believed to be about 100 albino
hedgehogs in Britain.
"This is a particularly white specimen, so it is no surprise the couple saw it glowing in the
dark," he said.
70
"It should not really be released because its weight is so low and albinos do not seem to
do very well in the wild. They get picked on and generally do not survive."
Source

Animal Acts
Click pic for more like this
Fake Quo singer tricks town into year of freebies
A conman convinced a whole town that

he was the Status Quo frontman Francis
Rossi, earning himself free meals and
trips in the mayor's limousine for almost a
year.
The trickster promised Dover's town

councillors that he would perform free at
their festival. And if that wasn't enough,
he would ensure that his "friends" Sir
Paul McCartney, Charlotte Church and
Queen's Brian May would play alongside him.
The council was duped, it emerged today, into allowing the conman to judge a carnival
float competition and attend a VIP event at Dover Castle. He was allegedly plied with free
food and drink and rides in the town's limousine, normally reserved for the mayor.
There were, however, inconsistencies which could have given the game away. Like why
the conman did not possess a Francis Rossi-trademark ponytail, or why he could not play
the guitar. According to reports, the man claimed: "I can't grow my hair long any more. A
fake one is stuck on three hours before a gig."
Asked to play Rockin' All Over the World - one of Status Quo's biggest hits, along with
71
Down Down and In The Army Now - he politely declined, explaining he suffered from
arthritis but would happily sing it instead.
Some residents puzzled over why they didn't see "Rossi" at the town's carnival despite
his promise to attend but others sang his praises, describing him as "gracious".
On postings on the internet, one local wrote: "Well done to everyone involved in the carni-
valBut where was Francis Rossi? I took my camera but he wasn't on the float. Did he
make it to the judging?"
To which another replied: "Francis Rossi made it to Crabble [the local football stadium],
but, as DDC [the council] had sent me a missive forbidding anyone to disembark the
floats at the Town Hall, he was unable to ride with Miss Dover as hoped. He was very
gracious at Crabble and it was a real pleasure to meet him."
Another then posted: "Lots of great pictures taken throughout the day haven't seen any of
Francis Rossi thoughanyone have any? Perhaps as you met him and shook his hand Sid
perhaps you have a few??!"
It is suggested the conman's cover was only blown when it came to the town festival and
none of his celebrity friends appeared, prompting him to flee never to be seen again.
The real Francis Rossi, 59, joked today: "I'll never know how he knew the secret of my
ponytail."
Source
In memory of fat people
It's crap
72
Guinea pig festival in Peru
The one-day festival includes an animal

show and a food and fashion contest
which features the guinea pig, native to
the Andes
Webcam Dance Accident

Pasty worth the distance
A group have carried out a 220-mile round trip to taste a pasty.
More than 100 'foodies' travelled from Bristol to Kingsbridge in Devon to give it a try, re-
ports the BBC.
They enjoyed their food during two lunch sittings organised at the local church hall next to
the butchers.
Gerald Creed, from Bugler Coaches, organised the trip after he tasted the snack.
The pasty is made by Lidstone's butchers who have been in business in the town for
more than 100 years.
Manager Chris Sroka said: "We use the finest quality beef from our farm at Blackawton
and potatoes from a local grower - that makes all the difference," he said.
73
"They were absolutely delicious - bursting full of meat and potatoes and the pastry was
just perfect," said one happy diner.
Source
Miracle pup clings to bonnet
A miracle pup clung to a speeding car for

more than 15 miles after being knocked
down.
The motorist, Marco Menozzi, didn't even

stop when he mowed down the one-year-
old pooch while doing 70mph on a side
road in Cozze, southern Italy.
But he hit the dog so hard he was embed-

ded in the grill under the bonnet of the
Peugeot 207 and managed to cling on
until the car eventually stopped.
Vets have treated the stray for a broken leg and bruising and he's now in a police pound
looking for new owner.
"He's a very lucky boy. He was saved because he was hit so hard. Any softer and he
would have bounced off the car and been crushed under the wheels," said a police
spokesman.
Source
Glove puppet helps pygmy hippo start eating
Chico caused keepers at his home in

Heythrop Zoological Gardens concern
when he began to refuse food.
But the animal was lured back to his

trough under the watchful eye of Gloria, a
glove puppet based on the star character
in DreamWorks children's film Madagas-
car.
Zoo keepers at the private zoo near Chipping Norton in Oxfordshire said they had been
"trying everything" to tempt the fussy eater back to his meals when they stumbled across
the hippo glove puppet in a supermarket promotion.
74
Now keepers don the glove puppet to hand feed the diminutive hippo, a relative of the lar-
ger hippopotamus on whom Gloria is based, his favourite carrot treats.
Despite his portly appearance, Chico had stopped feeding and was in danger of losing
weight.
In the wild, pygmy hippos can spend up to six hours a day eating, and need to consume
one-and-a-half percent of their body weight every day to stay healthy.
Head keeper, Michael Howes, was desperate to find a way to encourage the animal start
eating, when he saw Gloria the Hippo being given away with washing detergent during a
shopping trip.
As a last resort he decided to use the toy to try to lure Chico to tuck back in.
"We had been trying everything as Chico was refusing to feed and when I saw the Mada-
gascar hippo puppet in the supermarket I thought I'd give it a try," Mr Howes said.
"We were extremely surprised when he took a liking to Gloria and we have been using it
to feed him ever since."
Source
Snake man inserts live snake up nose and out of mouth
Manu, 31, from the southern city of

Chennai, claims to have experimented
with almost all varieties of snakes, includ-
ing cobras, common kraits, sand boas
and rat snakes but said his favourite was
the cobra because of its ferocious agility.
Manu, a high school drop-out, said that

as an eight-year-old he would amuse his
classmates by inserting chalk and erasers
into his nostrils and pulling them out through his mouth, before deciding to try the unusu-
al alternative of live snakes.
He passes the snake through the passage which connects the back of the throat to the
nasal cavity.
The married father-of-two said: "I got the idea to feed snakes through my nose while I
was attending a yoga class aged 13.
"My guru made me believe that every person has the ability to do something unique. All
my friends used to do different tricks and I also wanted to do something different.
75
"I first practised with a wire. I used to put wire into my nose and pull it through my mouth.
I also used to pull threads and chalk. Then I switched to snakes. This is how I started."
Admitting he has been bitten several times while attempting the bizarre trick, Manu
claims to shrug off the pain.
"Sometimes it hurts, particularly if a big snake bites me, but I concentrate on being re-
laxed through yoga techniques.
"Doing this has brought me many fans and I love to entertain them.
"I want to tell the world that I am proud of India - I hope everyone sees my feats so that
they are inspired to try something unique of their own."
Source

I've paid my tax
Horny Bitch
76
Whoops, more data loss.
A list showing the full contact details of

British National Party activists has been
published online.
The BNP says the list, which includes

home phone numbers and e-mail ad-
dresses, dates from 2007 and some
people are no longer members.
BNP deputy leader Simon Darby called it

"an underhand political attack", saying an
ex-employee was to blame.
Party leader Nick Griffin has complained to Dyfed Powys Police, who are investigating.
Mr Darby said the publication could lead to identity theft and endanger children named in
the list.
He believes it was posted on Monday night by an ex-employee who had used it to send
out party information to members.
Earlier this year the party obtained an injunction from the High Court in Manchester ban-
ning any publication of the list.
The anti-immigration party has won council seats in recent years, and took a London As-
sembly seat in May.
Source

77
Roomba Driver
Hello Janet!
Derelict council flat converted into a den of sparkling blue crystals
Roger Hiorns, the British artist, created

Seizure by pumping 75,000 litres of cop-
per sulphate solution into a south London
flat to create crystalline growth on the
walls, floor, ceiling and bath of the empty
home.
Since opening two months ago, 15,000

members of the public have visited 157
Harper Road, a derelict council flat near
Elephant and Castle, to view the unexpected physical forms.
The walls and ceilings are covered in blue copper sulphate, and every surface has the
royal blue crystals hanging from the fittings.
Mr Hiorns began his project by reinforcing the walls and ceiling, and covering the pipes
with plastic sheets, before pumping up to 80,000 litres of posionous copper sulphate
solution into the property through a hole in the ceiling from the flat above.
After three weeks, when the temperature of the solution dropped, the crystals began to
precipitate.
Finally, any remaining liquid was pumped back out, and the "total crystallisation" process
was finished.
78
The skeleton of the flat is still visible: walls, ceiling and all the bathroom fittings, including
a bath covered in blue stalactites.
Visitors are required to wear rubber boots and gloves before entering. The show has
been now been extended until the end of the month, when it will be returned to the coun-
cil for demolition.
The 36-year-old Goldsmith's graduate has a reputation for creating quirky art and has
previously encrusted little models of Chartres cathedral and Notre Dame in crystals. He
has also made works with detergent, disinfectant, semen, and fire.
Mr Hiorns described Seizure as "a pure system of nature" taking over a space which was
once someone's home.
"It is interesting to apply a system of nature , which is very much its own process , to this
house which was once a bedsit," he told Channel 4 news.
Seizure can be seen at 157 Harper Road, London SE1 until 30 November 2008,
Thursday-Saturday 11am-5pm. Please note Seizure is closed Monday-Wednesday. Ad-
mission is free.
Source
Student who phones for opera ticket offered a starring role
Adriano Graziani, who is switching from

a career in banking to become a full-time
singer, was asked if he would stand in for
the tenor who had fallen ill with a cold.
Graziani, 32, had called up for tickets to a

gala concert last month by the Welsh Na-
tional Opera (WNO). He had less than
two hours to remind himself of the scores
and make his way to the Millennium
Centre in Cardiff for a last-minute rehearsal before the evening show.
His performance, to an audience of more than 200 at a gala event, was so well-received
that he has been asked to perform a lead role with the WNO in a production of La
Bohème next year.
Mr Graziani, who was already known to the WNO through his studentship at the Cardiff
International Academy of Voice, told The Times he was trying to buy a ticket for a Friends
of Welsh National Opera performance in Cardiff.
He said: "I thought it would be nice to be in the audience for a change so I called up to
79
buy a ticket. The man who answered the phone knew me vaguely and asked, 'You're a
tenor, aren't you? I don't suppose you are free tonight? Our tenor is ill'."
Mr Graziani, who has also studied at the Royal College of Music, said: "Being half-Italian
and half-Welsh I had dreamt of one day singing Italian opera with the WNO – it's in my
blood – but even getting an audition is hard enough."
A spokesman for the WNO said: "This is a great example of us nurturing new opera tal-
ent. We have high hopes for Adriano."
Mr Graziani is hoping to join the list of singers who have had a lucky break before becom-
ing stars. Perhaps the best known is Paul Potts, who was manager of a branch of
Carphone Warehouse when he won the television show Britain's Got Talent last year with
his rendition of popular favourite, Nessun dorma from Puccini's Turandot.
Source
Grinding away
Oz driver pulled with todger in pasta sauce jar
An Oz driver has been fined AU$600 for "offensive behaviour, resisting police and dis-
obeying a police direction" after cracking one off into a pasta sauce jar even as coppers
attempted to subdue him with batons and capsicum spray following a "slow-speed" car
chase through Newcastle, New South Wales.
The drama began when officers spotted Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, "parked in a no-stop-
ping zone near Nobby's Beach on October 26". According to the Newcastle Herald, they
thought he "might have a weapon"* since he was "doing something with his hands in his
lap".
He was in fact "partially clothed with his genitals in a jar", a police report explained. The
perp made a dash for it, was pulled, refused to exit the vehicle and four officers were ob-
liged to persuade him from his car.
80
The law enforcement operatives identified "a 750mm** jar around his penis" and said
Weatherley gamely insisted on continuing to pleasure himself "between bouts of wrest-
ling".
A search of Weatherley's motor uncovered "pornography, a homemade sex aid, women's

stockings and a Jack Russell terrier".
He pleaded guilty to the aforementioned raft of charges yesterday at Newcastle Local

Court. The role of the Jack Russell in the incident is not noted.
Source
The OMFG Wedding Of The Year
Click the pic to check out the rest of this

wonderful photo album!
Killer biscuits

Lost cockatiel reunited with owners after speaking to them on phone
The woman who found Smokey was given the number of a couple who had lost their
cockatiel, but wanted to confirm that the bird belonged to them.
81
She phoned them, then put the bird on
the phone.
On hearing his owner's voice at the end

of the line the two-year-old bird immedi-
ately squawked its own name - the first
word that had passed its beak in days.
It was enough to reassure the rescuer that she was speaking to the right people.
Smokey went missing over the weekend after flying out of the door of David Edwards'
home in Gwersyllt, near Wrexham.
His adventure in the wild came to an end two miles away in Bellevue Park in the town
when he perched on accountant Sue Hill's shoulder.
She took him in and phoned the RSPCA which put her in touch with Mr Edwards who had
reported his cockatiel missing.
"I was given a phone number for the man, Mr Edwards, but I wanted to be sure he was
the actual owner," she said.
"I called and spoke to his wife who told me her pet was called Smokey and asked me to
put him on the phone.
"As soon as he heard her voice, he stopped chirping and began saying 'Smokey,' it was
very funny.
"That was the first time the bird had spoken and it was then I was sure that he belonged
to them."
Mr Edwards said he was "over the moon" to have Smokey back after a "heartbreaking"
weekend.
Source
Sliced Barbie dolls become sinister fashion accessory
The disturbing range is made from sliced parts of the popular toy.
82
Barbie's breasts have even been trans-
formed into an eye-catching necklace and
a pair of earrings features a string of Bar-
bie ears.
The unusual collection, created by New

York designer Margaux Lange, has
caught the eye of fashion-conscious gift-
hunters who have been buying up items such as a pendant made from one of Barbie's
eyes costing about £110.
There are even accessories made from parts of Barbie's boyfriend Ken.
Ms Lange, 29, said her extraordinary handmade items were inspired by a childhood love
of Barbie, the 'plastic princess'.
She said: "Barbie dolls were extremely significant in fuelling my creative life as a child.
They were an invaluable tool for the expansion of my imagination then and, ironically,
Barbie continues to be such for me as an adult. "I am fascinated with who she is as a cul-
tural icon, her distinguished celebrity status and the enormous impact she has had on our
society."
The jewellery echoes the dismembered dolls left by a killer in the television drama Dex-
ter.
A dismembered doll is left as a clue by a serial killer in the popular American drama seri-
al Dexter.
The jewellery can be ordered from Ms Lange's website or through her UK stockist Han-
nah Zakari
Barbie was launched in 1959 by American toy company Mattel. The American business-
woman Ruth Handler is regarded as the creator of the doll.
It is believed three dolls are sold every second in more than 150 countries worldwide.
Source
Garden gnome maker's plastic prostitutes
Neighbours in Lilieci, Bacau county, complain the realistic figures distract motorists and
are an unsuitable sight for local children.
83
Cristi Birgu, 27, who has just set up his
business, defends his "aggressive advert-
ising" and says the dummies will remain
outside his house to drum up trade.
Apart from garden gnomes and prosti-

tutes, he makes reproductions of Laurel
and Hardy, Elvis, sports stars, cartoon
characters and animals.
Mr Birgu said: "So far, my girls have attracted a lot of beeping from truck drivers but not
too many customers. Sometimes I am afraid somebody might have an accident, arrested
by the view, you know."
Resident Gheorghe N said: "I don't think it's moral to display such objects on the street.
"They are a bad influence especially for children not to mention there are a lot of people
with respect for God here and who don't tolerate such things."
Source
Two-headed cat meows through both mouths
However, the cat has a cleft palate and

can only eat through one mouth.
Only one in a million kittens is born with

two heads and it is unusual for this one to
be doing so well.
In August a kitten with four eyes, two

noses and one mouth was born in Ohio,
but it died after five days.
The condition is thought to be more common among snakes and turtles.
The cat was delivered in a vet's surgery in Perth, Western Australia, after its mother ex-
perienced complications during the birth.
Louisa Burgess, who helped deliver the cat told the Australian website
InMyCommunity.co.au: "I have seen cats with two tails and extra legs, but not this.
"It has a full tummy and it survived the night so that is a good sign. It seems content, it
meows and purrs.
84
"This is the result of a congenital deformity. Something has gone wrong in the early em-
bryonic development," she added.
The grey and white feline will be closely monitored in the next few days but appears to be
healthy.
Source

Single Ladies Parody
Spongbob avoids the dole queue
Registration plates spelling out terrorism, religion and sex banned
The Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency

(DVLA) keeps a list of plates that it has
not approved because of words formed
by their sequence of numbers and letters,
an MP has found.
Reportedly included on the list is 054MA,

which could be seen to resemble the first
name of Osama bin Laden, the al-Qa'eda
chief. Other terrorism-related banned
plates are H057AGE (hostage), MA56ACA (massacre), HE580LA (Hezbollah) and even
BU580MB (bus bomb). The DVLA is also thought to prohibit combinations resembling ji-
had or Hamas.
85
Also said to be on the banned list are plates whose contents refer to religions or that
could be seen to incite racial hatred. Included on these grounds are reportedly M056LEM
(Muslim) and others resembling words like Jesus or Koran. GA550VN (gas oven) and
G005TEP (goose step), both of which could be seen to have connections with activities
by Nazi Germany during the Second World War, are also reported to have been preven-
ted.
The list even spans themes including sexual activity and alcohol, it is claimed, with com-
binations such as B004ZZY (boozy) and anything containing SEX also prohibited.
A spokesman for the DVLA told The Sun: "Every number is checked to ensure it does not
offend".
Norman Baker, the Liberal Democrat transport spokesman, who unearthed the list, told
the newspaper: "Some combinations would be deeply offensive. But it's over the top to
ban words about booze and sex. It's a bit 'nanny state'."+
Source
Long lost brothers
What's going on here?
86
David Bowie Is Very Disappointed in You

The English Madonna
When Madonna first moved to England

she said she wanted to feel more English.
She is now an unmarried, single mother
with three kids from different fathers, one
of them black.
Job well done!!!!!
Panda attacks Chinese man who wanted a cuddle
A panda at a zoo in southern China attacked a student who snuck into its pen hoping for
a cuddle with the endangered bear, state media said on Saturday.
The 20-year-old male student surnamed Liu jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tour-
ist city of Guilin, ignoring warning signs not to, Xinhua news agency said.
"The panda, named Yangyang, was wide awake. Apparently scared by the intruder, he
bit at Liu's arms and legs," it quoted an unnamed worker as saying after zoo keepers
managed to calm the bear and rescue Liu, the report said.
"Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him," Liu was quoted as saying from
his hospital bed. "I didn't expect he would attack."
Scientists believe fewer than 2,000 giant pandas live in the wild in China.
Source

87
'I unwittingly ate human flesh'
A radio presenter was left stunned today when a

listener called his show and claimed she had unwit-
tingly eaten human flesh.
DJ Graham Mack had issued a challenge to listeners

to find the most unusual thing they had eaten.
He had come up with the idea for Monday's show to

coincide with the return of TV's I'm A Celebrity .. Get
Me Out Of Here!, which started the previous evening.
He took a flood of calls giving the type of exotic cuisine

he had expected, including snails, sea urchins, mon-
key brains and dog and horse.
But when he received a call from a woman who once

said she had eaten human flesh, he did not know what to say.
The caller, only known as Anthea, told the show on Teeside-base station TFM: 'I've eaten
human being.'
Mr Mack slowly replied: 'Oh my goodness. Right, all bets are off. You can't beat that. How
88
come you were a cannibal?'
She answered: 'It was when I was a child when I lived in Africa. We always went to the
same butcher and then suddenly - we were there a couple of years - the meat started to
get so much better.
'It was only when we moved back to England a couple of years later that we realised that
the butcher had been arrested because he farmed little black girls."
There were gasps in the studio.
Anthea added: "We didn't know at the time. According to my mum it was very delicious.'
The DJ replied: 'So what do you think it was? You thought it was beef?'
She said: "My mum said yes, she was just buying mince."
There were further gasps before someone in the background said: 'That's horrific.'
Mr Mack added: 'You are the winner this morning. Goodness me. I don't even know what
to say. I had no idea we would get this call this morning. Wow.'
Breakfast show producer Matt Bailey said: "The phone topic was 'what have you eaten?'
We had people ringing up saying they had eaten snails, oysters, Play-Doh and soil, then
out of the blue we get Anthea, who says she has eaten humans.
'It was one of the strangest calls we have ever had. Graham was taken aback
'We were all in shock really at what we were hearing.'
Source
Clairvoyant banned from claiming she can cure all ills because she cannot prove it
Sister Charlotte, a crystal ball, tarot card and palm reader from Chorlton, Manchester,
claimed to be able to solve problems in love, marriage, business, exams and even immig-
ration.
89
The Advertising Standards Authority chal-
lenged her to prove it. When she couldn't,
it ordered her to tone down her adverts.
The ruling followed a single complaint

from a man who found a leaflet promot-
ing the psychic's '100 per cent success
rate'.
Sister Charlotte, 33, said her technique -

which aims to remove 'negative energies'
and replace them with positive ones - can change lives.
She said: "A man phoned out of the blue asking how I can claim to do all this. But I don't
claim to cure cancer or solve devastating marriage problems.
"I speak to my clients. They tell me I am effective at removing negative energies and re-
lieving their physical, emotional and spiritual problems.
"I am 100 per cent successful with people who come to see me. If someone does not
think the treatment works, I give them a refund. Some people don't understand."
The leaflet said: "Sister Charlotte can do many great things for you! Remember, no mat-
ter how big you think your problems are, they are not impossible to solve."
The Advertising Standards Agency demanded evidence of Sister Charlotte's abilities.
They said: "We considered claims that marketers could successfully solve all problems,
break curses, banish evil spirits, improve the health, wealth, love life, happiness or other
circumstances of readers should be avoided because they were likely to be impossible to
prove. Sister Charlotte's claims were unsubstantiated and likely to mislead."
The ASA has received 174 complaints about 171 psychics' ads over the past two years.
A spokesman said cracking down on the small number was important to avoid mislead-
ing the public.
Source
Del Boy's Robin Reliant goes up for sale
The Peckham trader's yellow Robin Reliant from the TV comedy "Only Fools and
Horses" is set to sell for what the man himself would regard as a cushty price when it
goes under the hammer this week.
The rusting 600cc three-wheeler featured in a 2002 Christmas Special of the cult televi-
90
sion programme and it is expected to
fetch up to £30,000 when it's auctioned at
Bonhams on Tuesday.
The sought-after item bears the now le-

gendary logo 'Trotters Independent Trad-
ing Co. New York, Paris, Peckham' and
comes complete with furry dice and a pair
of leopard skin knickers.
It even has a smoke machine to belch out the famous clouds of smoke which billowed
from the exhaust when Del, played by David Jason, made a quick get away.
A set of blow-up dolls can be found in the boot - although these are not set to explode as
they did with the show.
Source

Clergyman apologises after posting photos of exhumed coffin through widow's letterbox
A clergyman has apologised to an eld-

erly widow after he posted photos of her
late husband's exhumed coffin through
her letterbox.
The Rev David Thomas was trying to

settle a dispute with grieving relatives of
George Hill who feared he had been bur-
ied in the wrong plot in their village
churchyard.
But the 80-year-old rector ended up causing them more upset, after his gravedigger un-
covered the coffin without getting permission from the authorities and without the family
present.
Mr Thomas took photos of the freshly exhumed grave to prove that Mr Hill's body had
been buried correctly, then drove to the widow's home and got a choirboy to push the pic-
tures through the door.
He has now been forced to apologise to the miner's family, who say they have been left
shocked by the insensitive handling of their case.
Mr Thomas, who has worked at St John the Baptist Church in Armitage, near Lichfield,
since 1966, said: "The gravedigger rang me and said 'I am down the church yard digging
up the Hill grave'. I went down there and quickly took some photographs.
"A choirboy who was in the car with me offered to get out and post them through the
91
door.
"I wish it had never happened."
Mr Hill's widow Martha and their daughter Mary had been tending his grave in a newly
opened section of the cemetery at St John the Baptist since his funeral in February this
year.
They were planning to erect a headstone to coincide with his birthday in December, but a
dispute then broke out over the whereabouts of his burial plot. The family claim the rect-
or admitted he did not know in which plot the coffin had been placed, while the church in-
sists it was the relatives who were confused.
The family say they were horrified to discover that the only way to establish where Mr Hill
had been buried was to have the coffin excavated and its nameplate checked.
His daughter said: "I was very upset then, and said to [the rector], this is not a tin of
beans from Morrisons we are talking about, this is my Dad."
She agreed to the procedure to put her mind at rest and was waiting to be invited to wit-
ness it, but in the meantime the local gravedigger began digging up the grave without first
obtaining permission for digging up consecrated ground from the Chancellor of Lichfield
diocese.
The clergyman could not find the family to tell them that the excavation was taking place,
so instead took his camera to the churchyard and took a series of photos showing the
nameplate on the unearthed coffin and the surrounding ground to show Mr Hill had been
placed in the right plot.
He believed Mr Hill's widow wished to see the photos herself, so drove to her home and
got a choirboy who was in the car with him to post them through the letterbox.
But Mr Hill's daughter claims she was trying to keep the fiasco secret from her mother,
and that she was horrified to be sent photos of her late husband's coffin without warning.
She said "She was distraught. We had not told her what had been going on because she
is almost 78 and we thought it would be too much for her.
"So imagine her shock when she opened that envelope and there was a picture of Dad's
coffin inside. It has really knocked her about."
A spokesman for the diocese said: "The family received an apology for the fact that the
excavation took place when they were not present.
"And the rector should have applied for a faculty before the excavation but did not."
Asked about the delivery of the photographs, the spokesman added: "It shouldn't have
been done in that way at all."
92
Source
High speed video of man blowing raspberry
Mr Men for grown ups

Bacon flavoured chocolate bar is a sell out
The unusual chocolate bar, called Mo's

Bacon Bar, contains chunks of apple-
wood smoked bacon combined with
smoked salt and milk chocolate.
Despite a price tag of £5.99 per 3oz, Sel-

fridges – the only UK stockist – has sold
its entire stock of several hundred bars
within 48 hours.
The department store has ordered more supplies for its four outlets, to be sold in time for
the christmas period.
The American manufacturer Vosges Haut-Chocolat, based in Chicago, encourages first-

time buyers to "engage your five senses … let the lust of salt and sweet coat your
tongue".
Ewan Venters, food and restaurant director at Selfridges, said: "Bacon and chocolate
sounds like a strange combination, but the execution is fantastic. It's a real explosion of
flavours and people love it.
"Some of the combinations were really surprising like putting curry in chocolate but it
works" he told the Daily Mail.
"There has been a real revolution in luxury chocolate, as there was with wine a few years
ago. People are much more knowledgeable about it and there is a growing demand for
these high quality, exotic products instead of a box of Milk Tray."
Vosges Haut-Chocolat sells other exotic flavours including: chocolate with mushrooms
and peanut butter, sweet Indian curry and chocolate and Mexican ancho and chipotle
chillies with chocolate.
93
Katrina Markoff, owner and chocolatier, uses original methods of French confectionery to
create the sweets, which she learned during her training at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris.
Source
Mystery piano in woods perplexes police
Was it a theft? A prank? A roundabout

effort to bring some holiday cheer to the
police? Authorities in Harwich, Massachu-
setts, are probing the mysterious appear-
ance of a piano, in good working condi-
tion, in the middle of the woods.
Discovered by a woman who was walk-

ing a trail, the Baldwin Acrosonic piano,
model number 987, is intact -- and, ap-
parently, in tune.
Sgt. Adam Hutton of the Harwich Police Department said information has been broad-
cast to all the other police departments in the Cape Cod area in hopes of drumming up a
clue, however minor it may be.
But so far, the investigation is flat.
Also of note: Near the mystery piano -- serial number 733746 -- was a bench, positioned
as though someone was about to play.
The piano was at the end of a dirt road, near a walking path to a footbridge in the middle
of conservation land near the Cape.
It took a handful of police to move the piano into a vehicle to transport it to storage, so it
would appear that putting it into the woods took more than one person.
Asked whether Harwich police will be holding a holiday party in the storage bay -- tickling
the ivories, pouring eggnog -- while they await word of the piano's origin and fate, Hutton
laughed. No such plans.
Harwich police have had some fun, though. Among the photos they sent to the news me-
dia is one of Officer Derek Dutra examining the piano in the woods. The police entitled
the photo "Liberace."
Source
‘I got a car parking fine, but I’m blind!’
A blind student was hounded by bailiffs for a parking fine on a car that did not belong to
94 him.
Mark White, 39, from Welling, was sent bailiff letters de-
manding him to pay £571.76 resulting from a parking
fine on a car he never owned.
Despite being registered blind with Bexley council for

four years and giving up his driving licence 15 years ago,
the engineering student had to contact the DVLA and the
police himself to prove the car was not his.
He proved his identity was stolen and someone had re-

gistered the Escort with the registration L508 XAE in his
name two years ago. Despite this, he was told by a
council worker last Wednesday that he still could not be
removed from their enquiries.
Mr White, a student at Greenwich University said: "They want me to do all the running
around. How can I have a car?
"They don't seem to see me being blind as not being able to drive a car. I have been re-
gistered blind with them since 2004 but they think I still own a car. I drive a guide dog!
"This has been such a kick in the teeth.
"It has gone on enough. I have been to the police and I have been to the council.
"I asked DVLA staff to send me the registration form which had different hand writing
from mine. I am just fed up with all the stress they have caused my family.
"I can't get it through to them."
It was only after the Times contacted the council that it confirmed that no further action
would be taken against Mr White.
A spokesperson for Bexley council said: "Bexley has cancelled this ticket and halted any
action by bailiffs.
"We apologise for the distress caused but we rely on the information provided to us by
the DVLA. We will be writing to Mr White to confirm the issue has been dropped."
Mr White was told all the informa tion Bexley council received about parking fines is auto-
mated.
He said: "I am on the Bexley council blind list. Some alarm bells should have been
going."
Source
95
Reptiles now more popular pets than dogs in UK
Reptiles like snakes, geckos and bearded dragons have be-

come such popular pets that they now outnumber dogs, new
research has found.
Calculations by the British Federation of Herpetologists

(BFH) indicate that there are now as many as eight million
reptiles and amphibians being kept as pets in the UK. This
compares to an estimated dog population of 6.5 million. The
growth in reptile numbers is so rapid that within years they
will overtake the country's nine million cats to become Bri-
tain's most popular pets.
Chris Newman, chairman of the Federation, said: "There are

now, without question, more pet reptiles than pet dogs in the
UK. You only have to look at the way the market has grown.
I have no doubt that there are now between seven and eight
million reptiles living as pets in the UK.
"Reptiles' popularity as mainstream pets has grown immensely. There has been an ex-
plosion in numbers. They have moved from being niche to being mainstream.
"They are far more suitable as pets than are animals which are perceived as more tradi-
tional pets, such as cats, dogs and small mammals. Reptiles fit today's modern lifestyles
as they are less time-consuming, and can also be easier to keep, than other traditional
pet species."
Reptiles are relatively cheap to buy and to keep, Most are kept in heated tanks for at
least part of the day. They require less upkeep than other caged animals, as the little
waste they produce is solid and dry. The population has been calculated through analys-
is of suppliers of reptile food – insects and mice.
Source
'Our sofa is haunted'
A Bristol family claim their sofa is haunted.
Receptionist Christine Strange, of Bristol, says her couch has started making weird
noises that are getting louder and louder.
"One Sunday morning I sat down on it with a cup of tea and suddenly heard this odd
squeaky noise.
"I thought I must be going mad but Poppy, my Yorkshire terrier, heard it too.
96 "She started sniffing around but then got scared and ran away.
"It could be an alien for all we know. The noise is getting louder and louder. I'm scared it's
going to come bursting out one evening while we're watching TV."
The Sun reports husband Nigel, 54, refuses to sit on the sofa.
But experts say Britain is suffering a bad dose of supernatural apparitions.
Nick Pope, described as a former X Files expert for Britain's Ministry of Defence, said:
"There are more UFO sightings and more reports of other weird phenomena than I can
recall from any previous year."
Source
Surely Flickr's not that expensive?

Dungeness named one of world's most authentic tourist destinations
The Kent town is one of 12 British loca-

tions – including Leeds and the remote
Scottish county of Wigtownshire – con-
tained in a Top 50 list compiled by travel
experts and commentators.
Dungeness was nominated by philosoph-

er Alain de Botton, who described it as a
"beautiful rugged stretch of shingle coast,
dotted with vividly painted clapboard
houses", and encouraged visitors to ig-
nore the "unprepossessing" nuclear
power station that dominates the beach.
"For decades, artists and writers, most famously the late Derek Jarman, have been
drawn by the sublime empty skies and bracing winds," he added.
The list, compiled for the British Airways High Life magazine, also honours the authenti-
city of the towns of Deal and Ramsgate in Kent, Lewes in West Sussex, Hastings in East
Sussex, Salcombe in South Devon, the Holderness Coast in Yorkshire and Ludlow in
Shropshire.
The eccentric village of Portmeirion in North Wales and and Causeway Coast are North-
ern Ireland are also included. 97
Leeds in West Yorkshire is praised as a city where the bus drivers still call you "luv" and
where "the tourist can experience a different way of living in a city", while Wigtownshire is
described as "so quiet and remote that visiting becomes a spiritual experience".
The list, which honours locations that have not sold out their roots or exaggerated their
historical importance to attract tourists, also includes Hanoi in Vietnam and Zanzibar in
Tanzania.
Source
Woman sues TV station over obesity programme
TV bosses are facing a £10,000 lawsuit after filming a passer-by on the street for a docu-
mentary about obese people.
Gordana Knezic, 40, said she had no idea that Croatian station HTV were filming her as
she shopped in the capital Zagreb .
She says she was horrified to see herself on TV later described as an example of an
overweight person.
Programme-makers say they have already apologised. HTV spokesman Janos Roemer
said: "We have been in contact with the lady concerned."
But Ms Knezic said she would still be taking them to court.
She said: "I was absolutely staggered when I turned on the TV to see myself in a film
about fat people.
"It was terrible. An apology is not enough. I want to make a point with this legal case. I
want to show that attacks on human dignity like this cannot be tolerated."
Source
Judge sentences offenders to listen to Barry Manilow
A US judge is punishing noise polluters by forcing them to listen to the likes of Barry Ma-
nilow.
Judge Paul Sacco, from Fort Lupton, Colorado, makes persistent noise nuisances listen
to music they hate, reports the Daily Mirror.
He claims his method of making offenders sit in a room and listen to music they don't like
for one hour has seen a massive drop in the number of repeat offenders in the small
town.
98
"These people should have to listen to music they don't like," Mr Sacco told local news
station KUSA-TV.
"Most kids don't want to hear somebody like Glenn Close trying to sing opera," he said.
Sacco brought in the punishment when he noticed that many of the repeat offenders
simply showed up at his courtroom to pay their fine with cash.
Source
My parrot bonked my feather hat
Horrified Jackie Lucking woke to find her parrot bonk-

ing her feather hat — while she was wearing it! Her
pet Shrek flew into a lust-filled frenzy after swallowing
nine SlimNSexy diet pills, which also boost sex drive.
Mum-of-three Jackie, 40, of Witham, Essex, had nod-

ded off wearing the hat after a christening.
She said: “He turned into a maniac. All he wanted was

to get his wing over, it’s disgusting.”
Source
Juror dismissed from a trial after using Facebook to help make a decision
The woman posted details of the child abduction and sex assault case on the social net-
working site.
She then invited friends to help her decide whether the defendents were guilty or inno-
cent.
"I don't know which way to go, so I'm holding a poll" she wrote.
Under the British constitution and in the interests of a fair trial, jurors are forbidden from
discussing details of cases even with their closest family members.
The woman was dismissed from Burnley Crown Court, Lancshire, after a court official re-
cieved the anoymous tip off.
It was believed the she did not use any privacy settings on her profile, so the Facebook
posts could be read by anyone.
99
Although the trial continued with 11 jurors, legal experts said the juror risked being
charged with contempt of court and the trial could have collapased.
"She had been asking her mates what they thought – and some people came back with
guilty verdicts" a source told the Sun.
"Not discussing trials is one of the most important things jurors are told and is essential
for a fair trial," the paper was told.
Yesterday a courts service spokesman confirmed the juror was dismissed last week.
Portuguese Nelson Claudino, 26, and Farooq Ahmed, 27, and Hardeep Singh, 32, both
of Leicester, were cleared of child abduction at the trial.
Ahmed and Claudino were acquitted of sex with a girl of 14 and Claudino was cleared of
a serious sex assault.
He earlier admitted raping a 12-year-old girl and will be sentenced next month.
Source
Man who celebrates Christmas every day scaling back celebrations due to credit crunch
A man who has celebrated Christmas

every day for the last 14 years with a full
roast dinner, champagne and presents is
scaling back his celebrations because of
the credit crunch, it was revealed today.
Andy Park, known as Mr Christmas, has

munched his way through 117,600
sprouts, quaffed 5,110 bottles of Moet, and
sent himself more than 230,000 Christmas
cards since his festive fetish began.
But this year the 44-year-old electrician,

from Melksham, Wiltshire, is having to
make swingeing cuts to keep his unique
devotion to Yuletide on the road.
Divorced Mr Park said: 'I've been through 37 electric ovens and worn out 23 video re-
corders by watching the Queen's Speech every day. I've also sent myself 235,206 Christ-
mas cards. But these days the postage is so dear I'm having to deliver them myself.
'The credit crunch is getting to me big time and I may even have to cut out the cham-
pagne and start singing for my Christmas dinner.
100
'The lunch with all the trimmings and alcohol is costing in excess of £150 a week, but I'm
fighting hard not to let the financial crisis ruin the celebrations.
'I'm not being tight but a few of the little extras are having to go. I'm only having one
Christmas tree this year, instead of two, and I'm cutting back on the Christmas lights be-
cause of energy bills.
'I used to get a 14lb turkey, now I'm going for a 9lb one. I refuse to compromise on cham-
pagne and always have Moet, but now I'm having to make it last two days.'
Every morning since July 14 1994, the father of one has breakfasted on mince pies and
sherry, before opening the presents he has bought for himself. Then he eats a full roast
turkey lunch and watches the Queen's Speech on video, his favourite being her 'annus
horribilis' address.
When he last took stock of his intake in October, Mr Park calculated that he had con-
sumed 5,110 turkeys, 94,080 mince pies, 28,224 roast potatoes, and opened 204,400
Christmas crackers.
This December 25 he will be buying himself a new suit, but in a more economically se-
cure year he treated himself to a Mercedes.
Mr Park is hoping the situation improves so he can pay the £70,000 an undertaker has
quoted him for a Christmas themed funeral.
The plan demands that all mourners dress as Father Christmas, watch the Queen's
Speech on a giant screen, and say goodbye to Mr Park in a coffin full of Brussels sprouts.
Noddy Holder, of Slade, will also be asked to sing the band's famous festive hit, Merry
Christmas Everybody.
Explaining the moment his life changed, Mr Park said: 'I'll never forget the day it started.
The sun was shining, but I was just feeling fed up and bored, so I went home and put the
decorations up. Suddenly I was happy. I thought, this is fun. So I did it again the next day,
and the day after that.
'Since then my routine every day has been to get up and have seven or eight mince pies
and glass of sherry for breakfast.
'After that I open the presents I've wrapped for myself. Later, after I've gone out to work,
I'll maybe watch a Christmas film like The Great Escape.
'People do think I'm crackers, but I enjoy treating myself and I'm the only one in the world
who does it. Others have tried to copy me, but they can't last.
'When people come to my house it turns a sad face into a smiling one, and the happi-
ness stays with them.
101
'My daughter used to love celebrating it with me but she's in her 20s now and people
started teasing her a bit. I think her dad was a bit of an embarrassment.'
Source
Cat in a twist
Fake penis drug test creators face jail
The Whizzinator is a prosthetic penis that

comes with a heating element and fake
urine.
U S Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan's of-

fice says the goal of it and another device
called Number 1 was to help people pass
drug tests.
George Wills and Robert Catalano each

pleaded guilty Monday to two conspiracy
counts and face up to eight years in pris-
on, a $500 million (£334,000) fine or both.
They owned the California-based internet

company Puck Technology and the
devices were sold from 2005 to 2008.
"The Whizzinator is the ultimate solution for a drug testing device," says a statement on
the website of the California-based company, which calls itself the "undisputed leader in
synthetic urine."
"The prosthetic penis is very realistic and concealing is simple, while our quality produc-
tion and materials assures you that the Whizzinator will let it flow again and again, any-
time, anywhere you need it!"
Mr Catalano and Mr Wills pleaded guilty to conspiracy to sell drug paraphernalia and con-
spiracy to defraud the United States government.
Puck Technology also pleaded guilty to the same charges. The company has stopped
operating.
Mr Wills and Mr Catalano appeared before a federal court in Pittsburgh and are sched-
uled to be sentenced in February.
102 Source
Bush dissed by world leaders
Pianist's dying wish fulfilled as David Tennant uses his skull in Hamlet performance
When André Tchaíkowsky died of can-

cer in 1982 aged 46 he donated his body
for medical science.
But he added the proviso that his skull

"shall be offered by the institution receiv-
ing my body to the Royal Shakespeare
Company for use in theatrical perform-
ance."
Since then it has only been used in rehearsals because no actor felt comfortable enough
using it on stage in front of an audience.
David Howells, curator of the RSC's archives, said: "In 1989 the actor Mark Rylance re-
hearsed with it for quite a while but he couldn't get past the fact it wasn't Yorick's, it was
André Tchaíkowsky's."
Now, unbeknown to the paying public, Dr Who actor Tennant has used the skull in 22
performances of Hamlet in Stratford-upon-Avon.
Director Greg Doran explained why he didn't want anyone to know. He said: "I thought it
would topple the play and it would be all about David acting with a real skull."
Polish-born Tchaíkowsky was smuggled out of the Warsaw ghetto in 1942 to the city of
Lodz, before settling in Paris and later England. He lived in Oxford for a time and loved
going to the theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon.
The skull will now travel with the Hamlet production to the Novello Theatre in London.
Source

Man releases hundreds of worms in train
A Japanese man has been arrested for releasing hundreds of beetle larvae inside a
moving express train to try to scare female passengers, police said.
"I wanted to see women get scared and shake their legs," police quoted 35-year-old Man-
103
abu Mizuta as saying.
He was arrested on the spot by a patrolling police officer after releasing the creatures on
the Keihan line in Osaka prefecture.
"He would go close to women on the train, any woman, and pour out the worms from
containers," said a police spokesman.
Local police had been on alert after 18 similar cases of released worms had been repor-
ted this month by the same train operator.
"When the arrest was made, the man had nearly emptied a container, which is believed
to have held 200 worms," he said. "You cannot count them because there are so many."
Mizuta had 10 containers in his backpack estimated to contain a total of 3,600 worms,
police said.
"We have the worms sitting inside the police station right now," the spokesman said. "You
see them wriggling inside their clear cases. It's really disgusting."
Pagan couple make their new house a home by installing stone circle in garden
When John and Suzy Burton decided to

move to a smaller house, they informed
the removal men that they would like to
take a few precious stones with them.
To be more precise, 13 huge rocks from

the garden.
Mr Burton, a druid, and his wife, a witch,

were the proud owners of a stone circle
which, they say, gives them positive en-
ergy.
So when the pagan couple left their historic £1million mansion, Abbotts Court in Wey-
mouth, Dorset, a dozen men with a crane and a fleet of trucks took the rocks to their new
home in Dorchester, ten miles away.
Neighbours watched in amazement as the stones, each weighing between half and
three-quarters of a ton, were placed in the garden.
The couple - both antique dealers - had them aligned at special points around the ex-
tensive grounds of the £600,000, six-bedroom property to encircle themselves with en-
ergy.
Each was apparently placed along a ley line which runs from Maiden Castle, an Iron-Age
104
hill fort near Dorchester, through to Maumbury Rings, a Roman amphitheatre.
Mrs Burton then invited 20 witches from her coven to dedicate the stone circle during a
night-time ritual.
The 60-year-old - whose mother and grandmother were witches - said: 'We had a bless-
ing of the stones and we brought the energy back.
'You could feel the energy circling the stones. We feel they are a place between worlds.
'It's hard to describe the feeling you get when you are near these stones - but it is
something extremely powerful.
'You can feel the energy pulsing around you, moving inside you - you feel at one with
nature and get a real high.'
The stone circle was erected in the ten-acre grounds of 11-bedroom Abbotts Court by
Thomas Burberry, founder of the fashion house, in the early 1900s.
Mr Burton, 64, and his wife, who teaches magic and witchcraft, discovered it when they
bought the property in 1980 and planned to leave it as an historic landmark when they
downsized and moved to Dorchester.
But the property developer who bought the mansion threatened to throw out the stones if
they were left behind.
So the couple employed a specialist removal firm to rehome the rocks.
Mrs Burton, who has five children and 12 grandchildren, said: 'It was a really big job
bringing the stones with us.
'We had to employ about a dozen rather burly men and a crane to transport it all - but it
was well worth it. Although I think a few of the neighbours were a little surprised, on the
whole I think it's been really well received.
'We are so happy finally to have it all sorted.
‘We were very upset at the thought of these stones just being dumped - but couldn't think
of how we could get them with us.
'They've made such a difference to our lives. We were delighted when we realised we
would be able to take the stones with us.'
Source
Man jailed for Spiderpig insults 105

A man has been jailed for breaching the
peace by singing Spiderpig from The
Simpsons Movie at police officers. David
Mullen was sentenced to three months for
the incident and calling an officer "ginger"
in a police van.
Mullen, 22, from Blairgowrie, claimed he

was singing the ditty, performed by
Homer in the cartoon, because it was the
ringtone on his mobile phone. He was
given a further eight months in prison for assaulting a police officer and breaching a
curfew while on bail. 'Appalling road'
Homer sings Spiderpig to the theme of Spiderman while walking a pig across the ceiling
in The Simpsons Movie.
Mullen sang the song to officers on 25 July while sitting in the back of a police van after
being involved in a fight in Blairgowrie, Perthshire.
Solicitor Paul Ralph, defending, said: "He started the song and that was the origin of the
joke, but things went further. He felt he had not done anything to be apprehended for."
Mullen breached his curfew on 30 October and assaulted a police officer on 2 November.
Mr Ralph told Perth Sheriff Court that Mullen, of Harriet Row, had been abusing alcohol
since the age of 12.
Sheriff Robert McCreadie said: "It is tragic that you have taken alcohol for almost half of
your life. You have a dreadful record for a man of 22.
"It is now your decision if you want to continue down the tragic and appalling road you
have chosen for yourself."
Source
The Amazing Brick Stacking Man

Zoo solves mystery of celibate polar bears
Puzzled zookeepers in northern Japan have discovered the reason why their attempts to
mate two polar bears kept failing: Both are female.
The municipal zoo in the city of Kushiro in Hokkaido brought in a polar bear cub three
106 years ago. They named it Tsuyoshi, after the popular baseball outfielder Tsuyoshi Shinjo,
and waited until it reached reproductive
age.
In June, the zoo introduced Tsuyoshi to

its resident bear, an 11-year-old female
named Kurumi, and waited for sparks to
fly.
But much to the disappointment of zoo-

keepers, Tsuyoshi never made any amor-
ous advances toward Kurumi.
Earlier this month, zookeepers put Tsuyoshi under anesthesia to get to the bottom of the
matter. That's when they made their discovery: Tsuyoshi is a female.
Still, the Kushiro zoo plans to keep Tsuyoshi because he -- or rather, she -- has become
immensely popular with visitors.
"I have rather mixed feelings, given the need for breeding, but Tsuyoshi is an idol for
Kushiro," Yoshio Yamaguchi, head of the Kushiro zoo, told Japan's Kyodo news agency.
Tsuyoshi will even keep her name.
"We will not be changing it to 'Tsuyoko' since it is loved by citizens (by the current
name)," Yamaguchi said.
"Ko" is a common suffix for a Japanese female name.
Meanwhile, Tsuyoshi's "brother," who was adopted by another zoo, has also turned out to
be female, Kyodo reported.
Source
Testing bullet proof glass with your wife
Police mistake widow's tomato plants for cannabis factory
The officers burst in with sniffer dogs and took samples of the plants for analysis.
Lulu Matheson, who has lived in the property in Shieldaig for 53 years, said she was
shaken up by the encounter.
Mrs Matheson told the Daily Mail: "I got a terrible fright and I couldn't understand what
they were doing here because I knew we had nothing more than tomatoes in the window.
I don't know what the neighbours must be thinking."
Her 47-year-old son Gus, a former driver, was looking out of the window when he saw 107
police cars stop outside.
He said: "I wondered what on earth was going on. I opened the door and they more or
less barged past, saying that I was growing cannabis on the windowsills.
"I started laughing because I knew they were tomato plants but it wasn't so funny when
they frisked me and then started tearing the house apart."
Mr Matheson said he was held in the bedroom while officers searched the furniture and
under the mattress. He also said that the police impounded the family's pet dogs.
"They even 'arrested' Zac, our black labrador, and Moby, our Jack Russell, putting them
in the back of one of the cop cars," Mr Matheson added.
"And I just couldn't believe it when they brought sniffer dogs all the way from Alness,
which is about two hours away."
He went on: "Despite leaving with their tails between their legs, the police didn't even
apologise."
Mr Matheson, a keen gardener, grows tomatoes in the south-facing bedroom window.
He said: "We always enjoy having a juicy home-grown tomato with our dinner and I've
had fine crops this year."
Mr Matheson is now making a formal complaint to Northern Constabulary.
A police spokesman said: "We can confirm that, acting on information, we attended at an
address in the Shieldaig area.
"No drugs were found as a result of the search."
Source
Giant hairball pulled from girl's stomach
An 11-year-old girl in Mumbai, India, was

hospitalized with pain in her stomach, and
surgeons were forced to operate. What
they found was a foot-long hairball.
The mass of hair -- known as a

trichobozear - -is a potentially fatal result
of a mental illness called trichotillomania,
a condition in which the patient pulls her
hair out and, in many cases, eats it. And while the condition is not well known, American
108
doctors say that it may afflict 1 percent of all Americans.
"It's a fairly uncommon outcome for trichs," said Dr. Martin Franklin, associate professor
of clinical psychology and psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, who studies
trichotillomania in children and adolescents. "But it's pretty life-threatening if you do end
up here."
While he notes that most who have trichotillomania do not eat their hair after pulling it out,
he said this extreme form of the condition occurs in between 30 and 50 percent of pa-
tients.
"Certainly when you eat enough of your hair to require surgery, we're at the other end of
the continuum," said Martin.
Trichotillomania often begins in early childhood, and can start as young as 18 months, al-
though it typically doesn't begin until age 10. A person with the illness compulsively pulls
out the hair (between 70 and 93 percent of patients are estimated to be women).
Among adult patients, most have the condition starting in childhood, but in many cases it
may go unreported, said Dr. Darin Dougherty, a psychiatrist and co-director of the Tricho-
tillomania Clinic at Massachusetts General Hospital.
Patients often exhibit other repetitive behaviors, because of the disease's similarities to
obsessive compulsive disorder.
"People with trich often have other repetitive bodily focused behavior," he said. "In addi-
tion to pulling their hair, they also chew on their nails or the inside of their cheek."
Dougherty estimates that with intervention ranging from behavior therapy to medication,
60 to 80 percent of patients can be effectively treated.
But while the condition is usually nonfatal -- most of the effects come from social prob-
lems resulting from bald patches -- doctors say those interventions are crucial.
Christina Pearson described her 20-year ordeal as a painful period of thinking she was
alone, "thinking I was the world's biggest freak."
For her, pulling her hair out and then chewing on the root (which doctors say is typically
not enough to result in an accumulation of hair in the stomach) was an irresistible com-
pulsion.
"I used to cry watching my hand go to my head, and there were times in my 20s that I
would tie my hands together."
Ultimately, Pearson learned more about her disorder and got help. Eighteen years ago,
she founded the Trichotillomania Learning Center, where she is now executive director,
educating people about the condition to prevent the problems she had.
109
"There's not a lot of thought involved in this. It's more like scratching an itch. It's more like
chewing gum," Pearson said. "It would induce a trance for me that would last for hours,
and then the next day I would be absolutely traumatized.
"You cannot imagine why you're doing this and why you can't stop. It doesn't make
sense."
While cases like the one in Mumbai are not common among trichotillomania sufferers,
several occur every few years and they can be fatal when they result in bowel obstruc-
tion.
Last year, Dr. Sri Komanduri, a gastrointestinal surgeon then at Rush Medical Center in
Chicago and now at nearby Northwestern Memorial Hospital, removed a 10-pound mass
of hair from an 18-year-old woman, writing an account of it in the New England Journal of
Medicine.
"Essentially, the entire stomach was kind of engulfed with this thing," he told
ABCNews.com.
While people often swallow unusual objects such as coins, Komanduri said that the mass
of those objects keeps them from accumulating in the stomach.
"Things like hair don't have much substance or weight to them, and they tend to pool," he
said.
He noted that surgery was not the typical solution for patients, as most of the hair accu-
mulations could be removed by pushing it out during an endoscopy or using other non-
surgical techniques.
He said that in the past 10 years he has seen five cases of hair accumulation in the gut,
but this was the first time surgery was needed. He also noted that the masses of hair are
not typically found until some other problem forces doctors to look in the stomach.
In the vast majority of cases, the effects are psychological. Patients are ashamed of their
behavior, and depression can result -- although doctors are not sure whether it is caused
by the trichotillomania itself or by the problem in the brain that leads to the illness. The
condition can also leave patients with bald spots or repetitive stress injuries.
But even with those effects, people with the disease are reluctant to come forward.
Franklin explains the mindset of many children as "I know I'm doing something that's un-
usual, I'm ashamed of it, I don't want to tell anybody."
But by observing their children to see if they pull out hair excessively and by laying out
the complications of excessive hair-pulling, he said parents can go a long way toward
helping.
But, Franklin added, they need to avoid sounding accusatory.

110
"You won't get an accurate answer from a kid who feels stressed out and on the spot
when you ask those questions," he said.
But Franklin notes it isn't easy. He said he has seen cases of a husband and wife where
the husband was unaware that his wife was pulling out her hair while he was asleep.
Dougherty notes that many cases are not identified by the parents but are caught by the
dermatologist when the parents bring their children in worrying about hair loss or a poten-
tial skin problem.
Doctors say that parent awareness is the key to helping children with trichotillomania, and
they can benefit by more media attention, spotlighting a potentially embarrassing but not
uncommon condition.
"There's a lot of shame and a lot of reasons kids want to keep it to themselves," said
Franklin. "This is fairly common and treatable, and something that's not so shameful."
Source
Santa sacked for lap invite despite Elf warning
Andrew Mondia, 32, was one of several Father Christmases handing out presents and
seasonal good cheer in the grotto of the London fashion store.
The store said an elf had warned Mr Mondia he should not be inviting either children or
adults to sit on his knee and it was against company policy.
A spokesman for Selfridges told the Guardian: "It's vital that everyone bringing children to
see Santa can be absolutely confident that the visit will be a happy one. Unfortunately,
this particular Santa didn't behave in line with his training or the standards we've set so
we acted swiftly and asked him to leave."
The company said it is made clear to potential Santas during their training that no one
should sit on Santa's lap and Santas must certainly not "promote or proactively seek"
anyone to do so.
Mr Mondia said his one-day training was "a bit rushed", adding: "I was just being my inno-
cent usual self. I was shocked when they told me – I couldn't believe I've been sacked for
being too friendly."
Mr Mondia, whose previous jobs have included posing as a box of Nesquik and a Black-
berry pearl mobile phone, had been due to work six days a week over the festival period,
earning him about £2,500.
He said: "I'm not sure what I'll do now. It's disappointing, but I've learnt that, even as
111
Santa Claus, you can't please everyone all the time."
Source
Gay penguins steal eggs from straight couples
A couple of gay penguins are attempting

to steal eggs from straight birds in an ef-
fort to become "fathers", it has been re-
ported.
The two penguins have started placing

stones at the feet of parents before wad-
dling away with their eggs, in a bid to hide
their theft.
But the deception has been noticed by

other penguins at the zoo, who have ostracised the gay couple from their group. Now
keepers have decided to segregate the pair of three-year-old male birds to avoid disrupt-
ing the rest of the community during the hatching season.
A keeper at Polar Land in Harbin, north east China explained that the gay couple had the
natural urge to become fathers, despite their sexuality.
"One of the responsibilities of being a male adult is looking after the eggs. Despite this
being a biological impossibility for this couple, the natural desire is still there," a keeper
told the Austrian Times newspaper.
"It's not discrimination. We have to fence them separately, otherwise the whole group will
be disturbed during hatching time," he added.
There are numerous examples of homosexuality in the animal kingdom, but gay pen-
guins have captured the public's attention more than any other species.
A German zoo provoked outrage from gay lobby groups after attempting to mate a group
of gay male penguins with Swedish female birds who were flown in especially to seduce
them. But the project was abandoned after the males refused to be "turned", showing no
interest in their would-be mates.
In 2002 a couple of penguins at a New York zoo who had been together for eight years
were "outed" when keepers noticed that they were both males.
Source

112
'Urban explorer' poses on crane 400ft above Manchester
Standing on the end of a crane 400 ft

above a glowing city centre, this man is
one of a new group of modern thrill-
seekers known as urban explorers.
The adventurers gain access to off-limit

and abandoned city sites, often taking
pictures of themselves in places where
the public usually have no access.
This man, who calls himself "Bigjobs", was photographed perched on the top of a high-
rise building site in Manchester without any harness or safety supports.
Other urban explorers have posted pictures of themselves in perilous locations such as
on Clifton Suspension Bridge in Bristol, hundreds of feet above the River Avon
Many urban explorers "infiltrate" closed or deserted buildings like factories, hospitals and
theme parks, while others explore sewer networks and catacombs.
But some put themselves a serious risk of injury by clambering onto bridges, building
sites and other high structures in order to capture the most dramatic photos of their ex-
ploits.
Enthusiasts claim that they do not damage the buildings they explore, and some even
seek consent before gaining access, but police have warned that their "hobby" puts lives
at risk and can be illegal.
Source

Man with no arms caught driving
Police were amazed at their discovery during a routine check of vehicles on the road.
113
Zing Shen, 42, was steering the vehicle
with his feet and said he had been doing
so for years.
It was reported that he was stunned when

police officers issued him with a public
safety summons.
The man told traffic police that ever since he lost his arms in an industrial accident sever-
al years ago, he had used his feet to steer his vehicle without difficulty. He has no arms
from the elbows down.
His car was an automatic so he did not have to concern himself with changing gear.
A police spokesman in Beijing said: "The man said that he was a very safe driver and felt
he was as good as anyone else on the road, despite his disability.
"He had an automatic so did not need to worry about changing gears and said he had put
a lot of practice into learning to control the steering wheel with his legs.
"He said he was actually even more careful now with driving than he had been before he
lost his arms. He was surprised when we arrested him."
Source
Cat whack-a-mouse game
Man stranded in mobility scooter for 16 hours after getting stuck in mud
An 86-year-old was left stranded in his

mobility scooter for 16 hours after getting
it stuck in a patch of mud.
Robert Calloway, a retired engineer, was

marooned in his scooter overnight when
temperatures plummeted to nearly freez-
ing after venturing out for some fresh air.
He was only rescued after a dog walker

spotted him at 9am the following day.
He said: "I just nipped out at 5pm for some fresh air and was going across a bridge when
114 I turned left and got stuck fast in the mud.
"It got very cold and it was quite a frightening experience. I won't go there again in the
dark."
He says he kept himself occupied by saying prayers.
Mr Calloway, a father-of-two who lives in Crawley, West Sussex, was taken to hospital
after his ordeal on Sunday night but did not suffer any serious injuries.
Source
Funky Songs of Praise

Yummy Ham
Monday, December 01, 2008

Flaming robot legs walking a shopping trolley
115
How to calm binge drinkers: get them all blowing bubbles
They have considered Asbos, curfews and Taser

stun guns in the war on binge-drinking youths on Fri-
day and Saturday nights. Now police are developing
a new weapon.
Drinkers will be encouraged to play with children's

bubble blowers instead of picking fights, in a scheme
to start next month in Bolton. Police will hand out the
free toys as young people pour out of pubs and clubs
in typically boisterous mood.
But the initiative has been condemned as a 'nursery

school gimmick' and a waste of taxpayers' money.
The blue and orange bubble blowers, which double
as pens, will be handed out by police community
support officers and town centre ambassadors on
Saturday nights. Elaine Sherrington, a Bolton councillor, said: 'They are a great idea to
keep things light-hearted. Revellers will have something fun to focus on as they leave
pubs and clubs. The run-up to the festive period should be full of fun, not problems with
drunkenness or rowdy behaviour.'
The plan has been drawn up by the Be Safe Partnership, involving Bolton council, the po-
lice and fire service. The council could not say how much the bubble blowers have cost,
but they usually retail for £1-£4.
Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the Taxpayers' Alliance, said: 'This is completely
bonkers. People want the police fighting crime, not handing out nursery school gimmicks.
If this money isn't needed it should be given back to taxpayers, not squandered.'
The move is unlikely to match the innocence of Bubbles, John Everett Millais's painting of
a golden-haired boy gazing up at a bubble, which became iconic as an advert for soap.
It is not the first unorthodox effort to curb alcohol-fuelled behaviour: in recent years
Manchester police have handed out lollipops to stop people shouting in the street after
nights out. It was revealed last week that women in Devon, staggering home in high
heels, are being given flip-flops to stop them falling into the gutter.
Source
* Life & style * Christmas Glitter-covered reindeer poo in your stocking this Christmas
116 The droppings are sold for $5 each in the zoo gift shop as 'magical reindeer gem drop-
pings'
Reindeer at the Miller Park Zoo in Illinois,

US, are doing more to deliver presents
this Christmas than pulling Santa's sleigh.
The zoo's two reindeer, Ealu and Rika,

are helping to "manufacture" ornaments
on sale in the gift shop - by providing staff
with a regular supply of droppings to decorate.
The droppings, on sale at $5 (£3.26) each, are dried before being clear-coated and either
painted or rolled in glitter.
The zoo's marketing director Susie Ohley has named the gifts "magical reindeer gem or-
naments", and each comes with a label of authenticity.
Some shoppers are surprised at the size of the "gems," which are only about as big as
marbles.
"Reindeer are so big," said zoo maintenance worker Sheldon Williams. But the drop-
pings are "just a big pile of small."
Source
Man wakes wife from coma by biting her toe
Lu Fengshuang fell into a coma after suffering a head injury in an industrial accident.
Zhang Kui, of Shenyang, had tried for years to wake his wife of 27 years. He had played
music, spoken to her, even tickled her, but nothing worked.
"I then recalled someone saying that the feet are the home for many nerves," he told the
Liao Sheng Evening Post.
"I wondered if I could wake her up by biting her feet."
So he dutifully bit her toes over a ten-year period until one day she responded by squeez-
ing his wrist.
"I got goose bumps. It was like a dead person suddenly gripping your hand," he told the
newspaper.
The next challenge, however, is to help her speak-- so far she can move her arms and
smile, but her husband is keen to hear his wife's voice again.
117
Source
Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Hubby, 82, takes Viagra, wife calls police
Police in Palermo, Italy, said they were called to an

elderly couple's home by a wife who was afraid her
husband's Viagra-driven advances would harm his
health.
Officers told Sicilian daily Il Giornale di Sicilia that the

woman, who is in her 80s, feared that sexual contact
with her 82-year-old husband, who had taken Viagra,
would cause his heart to give out, ANSA reported
Monday.
''So much passion at the age of 82, with all the aches
and pains he has, could prove lethal", the woman was
quoted as saying to police.
Police said the man was "furious" when they arrived

but calmed down after relatives arrived. The officers said they left the situation in the
hands of the man's family.
Source
Storm in a C-cup - 130,000 boobs lost at sea
More than 130,000 inflatable breasts

have been lost at sea en route to Aus-
tralia.
Men's magazine Ralph was planning to

include the boobs as a free gift with its
January issue.
The cargo is worth about $200,000, which

is another blow for publisher ACP's par-
ent company PBL, which is already in
$4.3 billion of debt.
118 A spokeswoman for Ralph said the container left docks in Beijing two weeks ago but
turned up empty in Sydney this week.
The magazine has put out an alert to shipping authorities to see if they have the contain-
er, but if they don't turn up in the next 48 hours it will be too late for the next issue, she
said.
Ralph editor Santi Pintado urged anyone who has any information to contact the
magazine.
``Unless Somali pirates have stolen them its

difficult to explain where they are,'' Pintado
said.
``If anyone finds any washed up on a beach,

please let us know.''
Source
£30,000 of Christmas lights bring cheer to suburban home
This suburban house has received a

Christmas transformation thanks to
£30,000 of seasonal lights.
Electrician Alex Goodhind decks out his

home in Melksham, Wiltshire with decora-
tions every year, but this Christmas has
forked out an extra £3,000 for new lights
to put on his most dazzling display yet.
The lights require so much electricity that he paid for workmen to dig up his road and lay
an industrial-strength power cable, after finding himself unable to boil a kettle when the
display was switched on.
The energy bill for the lights is expected to pass the £700 it cost last Christmas, but Mr
Goodhind says the price is worth it for the hundreds of local people who come to see the
house every day over the festive period.
The 24-year-old, who started planning this year's decorations in July, puts on his annual
display to raise money for a local hospice following the death of his mother.
Last year he raised £2,000 for Dorothy House in Bradford on Avon through donations
119
from neighbours and visitors, with local community groups laying on minibus trips to the
spectacle.
Source
Wednesday, December 03, 2008

He looks happy!
Flying car up for sale on eBay
The Aerocar is the only vehicle ever cer-

tified for both flight and operation on the
road.
It is one of only six to be built and can be

converted from a plane to a car in just five
minutes.
The Aerocar's wings, rudder and part of

the fuselage neatly fold into a trailer.
Built in 1956 by American Molt Taylor, it can do 100mph in the air.
The real-life Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - originally priced at £16,750, is now for sale on
eBay for £2.3million.
Its first flight was in 1949 and its last was in 1977. It has been in storage ever since.
It is being sold by Carl and Marilyn Felling, who bought the vehicle in 1981.
They originally intended to get it flying again, but ran out of money.
The Aerocar was once flown to Cuba where Fidel Castro's brother, Raul, apparently took
120
the controls.
During that flight, the vehicle ran out of gas and was damaged when it landed on a coun-
try road.
It was subsequently used for traffic reports by a radio station in Oregon and was later
used by a travelling salesman.
The eBay auction ends December 16.
Source
300 flying foxes are rescued in storms
The future of a colony of fruit bats has

been put at risk after hundreds of pups
were abandoned by their mothers in
heavy storms.
More than 300 infant grey-headed flying

foxes are being cared for at a bat hospit-
al since they were left to fend for them-
selves in the last week.
Most are suffering from hypothermia and

deydration, and many have been attacked by swarms of flies.
'Normally, female flying foxes will go to the ends of the earth to save their babies, so it
goes to illustrate how bad the storms were,' said carer Trish Wimberley of the Wildcare
Australia centre in Queensland.
'An ideal way to keep them warm is to wrap them in yellow duster cloths.
'They are very demanding. We must ensure they are fed every four hours.'
Source
Britain's worst Xmas tree?
The shabby tree only arrived hours before former Atomic Kitten Natasha Hamilton was
due to turn on the lights and town centre bosses say it was too late to send it back.
121
Local councillor Joan Maslin said she had been
inundated with complaints about the tree, reports
the Daily Telegraph.
"It is a disgrace and an insult to Peterlee. It's con-

dition already looks like the tree you take to the
council tip in January after the festivities are
over," she said.
"At this time of year, with the credit crunch,

people are feeling gloomy and the tree is sup-
posed to add festive cheer. But this one will only
make people feel more miserable.
"People have been phoning me and stopping me in the street to complain about the
threadbare state."
But Mike Weston, manager of the shopping centre which paid for the tree, said the coun-
cil had no right to complain as it had not contributed towards the cost.
"I admit, it doesn't look very good. But the local councillor had the cheek to complain - the
council has not contributed a penny towards the Christmas decorations.
"We ordered a standard Christmas tree from a supplier, and when this awful thing ar-
rived, it was too late to send it back before the switch-on.
"We have spent thousands of pounds lighting up the town centre and hiring Santa to
come and give free toys to children on Saturdays, and these toys are not rubbish ones. If
the council is so concerned let them spend some of their money on another tree."
Source
Cleaner told he can keep £10,000 in cut-up banknotes, if he can piece it together
Graham Hill has in front of him the most

lucrative jigsaw puzzle in history, a com-
bination of £10 and £20 notes he found
while emptying bins.
Police said there was no evidence the

money was stolen and, having kept it un-
claimed for six months, said Mr Hill can
have it, and any of it he can piece back
together will be legal tender.
122
Mr Hill, from Gainsborough, Lincs, said: "I was gutted when I looked in the bin and saw all
the money cut up."
He found the money chopped up and dumped in a bin in Lincoln's Central Market, along
with a second bundle found in a bin near a restaurant. They are thought to have been
thrown away on the night of May 7.
Lincolnshire Police launched an investigation but gave him it back when no-one came
forward.
Det Con Nick Cobb said: "Following extensive inquiries, there was no evidence that the
money was stolen or linked to any criminal activity.
"We liaised with the Bank of England and established that the money was genuine.
"Having had no person claim it, we returned it to the finder, who according to the Bank of
England, is obliged to try to piece it back together.
"This was a very unusual case, and despite our inquiries, the circumstances of why and
how the money came to be torn up and put in the bin remains a mystery."
A spokesman for the Bank of England said: "From what I understand of Mr Hill's case, he
should be fine to get a reimbursement on the notes that he can put together."
For Mr Hill to be successful he will have to ensure that the two serial numbers found on
the front of every bank note match when he pieces them together.
He stands a better chance of success if the fragments are larger and contain the chief
cashier's signature and the "I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of" clause.
The spokesman added: "We ask that people tell us how the note came to be damaged as
well. We are more reluctant to pay out if someone said they set fire to it."
Source
Thursday, December 04, 2008

123
How To Hide An Unwanted Erection
Hardened criminals win right to moisturise
Even hardened criminals have a right to aftershave and hand cream, Germany's highest
court has ruled, approving the appeal of a male inmate against gender discrimination.
The Federal Constitutional Court said the plaintiff was right in challenging a prison policy
which allowed only female inmates to spend € 25 ($50) of their own money on cosmetic
and skin care products each month.
"Although the interest in cosmetics may be more widespread or frequently stronger

among women than among men, it is not a biologically determined interest among wo-
men,'' the court ruled.
"Members of one sex cannot be denied their wellness choices simply because they are
more typically found among the opposite sex.''
It said the current practice of only allowing women to purchase beauty products amoun-
ted to a violation of the protection against sex discrimination under Germany's Basic Law.
The plaintiff's lawyer, Kai Zimmermann, said his client had fought through lower courts to
Germany's top tribunal in the southwestern city of Karlsruhe for "the right to use after-
shave, moisturiser and the like''.
The case will now go back to a lower court.
Mr Zimmermann declined to give his client's name, age or the crime for which he is
serving time.
Source
124
Friday, December 05, 2008
Bouffant bird
Trafalgar Square lion to 'talk'
The magic of animation is to be em-

ployed to bring one of the famous lions in
Trafalgar Square to life.
London tourism officials have arranged

for one of the 141-year-old iconic statues
to "talk" about the best that the city has to
offer over Christmas.
Using both projection equipment and an-

imation, the lion will be "chatting" to pass-
ersby on Friday.
Highlights are expected to include promotion of the West End's traffic-free day on Sat-
urday to lure shoppers.
Sally Chatterjee, of Visit London, said the festive period was special thanks to the West
End lights, seasonal theatre and ice rinks.
"A talking lion in Trafalgar Square is a great way to bring to life the magic of the festive
period in the capital," she said.
Source
Ready, teddy, go ... into space!
Two teddy bears have been launched in-

to space on a budget of just £60.
The toys, named MAT and KMS, were

decked out in custom-made space suits
and launched on a weather balloon more
than 18 miles above the Earth in the four-
hour expedition.
The toys, bought from Mothercare, en-

dured temperatures of minus 31F (-35C)
in the mission launched by Cambridge
125
University's Space Flight science club, reports the Daily Telegraph.
A laptop attached to a webcam captured stunning images of the bears looking down on
Earth from nearly 100,000ft.
Pupils from nearby Parkside and Coleridge community colleges assisted scientists by
creating space suits to stop the teddies from freezing solid.
After completing their mission the pair parachuted back to earth and made a soft landing
near Ipswich just 50 miles from their launch pad.
Henry Hallam, 21, an aerodynamics student at Pembroke College at Cambridge, led the
successful experiment to monitor weather conditions above the Earth.
He said: "We asked the children to build the space suits for the teddy bears and we mon-
itored the temperatures inside and outside the suits.
"It was still pretty cold for the bears but they would be frozen solid if they didn't have their
suits.
"It was great to involve these young people in the Space Flight club, so they can learn
about physics in a different and exciting way."
Thia Unsworth, 12, from Parkside College, helped to design the spacesuit for MAT.
She said: "It was unbelievable to see the balloon take off and it's incredible to see the pic-
tures of the teddy bears in space.
"I've always loved science before, but I now understand how it helps in the real world."
Source
Toilet sign WTF
126
BrickArms Custom Minifig - Bandit 'Mr. White'
Click pic for more pics and to purchase

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Animal Christmas Song
Eight-toe baby born in Guangdong
A baby boy with eight toes on each foot was discharged from a hospital in Leizhou,
southeast Guangdong province on November 5, 2008. The baby has five fingers on each
hand but doesn't have thumbs. Doctor said this might have something to do with genet-
ics or environment pollution.
Source
127
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Man dies from picking his nose
Ian Bothwell, 63, suffered a serious

nose-bleed because of his habit and died
as a result.
Nigel Meadows, Manchester coroner,

said: "There is no explanation for this
death other than he died from a nose-
bleed, consistent with picking his nose. I
do not think for a moment he knew what
he was doing was going to cause his
death." He recorded a verdict of misad-
venture.
A pathologist concluded that Mr Bothwell,

who suffered from dementia brought on
by alcoholism, had picked his nose so much that it had caused him to bleed to death.
His body was found by John Edwards, the manager of the Royal Court block of flats in
Ladybarn near Didsbury, Manchester - where Mr Bothwell lived alone - on September 5.
Mr Edwards told the inquest: "I thought he must have fallen out of bed and hit his head
but it was obvious he was almost certainly dead." But Dr Emyr Benbow, the consultant
who carried out the post mortem at Manchester Royal Infirmary, said he could find no
evidence that a bang to Mr Bothwell's head had contributed to his death.
The only place he found any contributory evidence was inside Mr Bothwell's nasal cavity,
which was full of blood.
Dr Benbow told the inquest: "The nasal cavity was filled with blood. My conclusion is that
the most likely cause of death is epistaxis, the technical term for a nose-bleed. "The most
common cause of epistaxis is picking the nose and I believe that is likely to be what
happened." Mr Bothwell had been a fit young man until he suffered a brain haemorrhage
when he was 20. He was unable to work and he quickly descended into alcoholism. His
128
only relative was a sister living in Cornwall, who he saw just once in 30 years at his moth-
er's funeral in 1986.
Source
Don't feed the chavs

South Lebanon farmer grows super spud
South Lebanon farmer hopes 11.3 kilo

potato will get mention in famous Guin-
ness World Records book.
A south Lebanon farmer couldn't believe

his peeled eyes when he discovered he
had grown a massive potato, he said on
Saturday, adding that he now hopes to
enter the Guinness World Records book.
"This giant weighs 11.3 kilos (24.9

pounds)," Khalil Semhat said at his farm in the Tyre area, 85 kilometres (50 miles) south
of Beirut.
"I've been working the land since I was a boy, and it's the first time I've seen anything
like it."
Semhat, 56, said he had not done anything special to inspire the monster mash. "I didn't
use any chemicals at all," he insisted, adding that he had to ask a friend to help him haul
the huge tuber from the ground.
Now he hopes the find will get a mention in the famous Guinness book, and said he will
send in the details for possible inclusion next year.
129
He said he was "very proud" that the super spud grew on the farm where he cultivates
mainly potatoes and bananas, given that it suffered a pounding in 2006 during the sum-
mer Israeli war on Hezbollah and south Lebanon.
Source
8,000 year old piece of string
Archaeologists have found a piece of string that is 8,000 years old.
The four-and-a-half inch long string was made from tough stems of honeysuckle, nettles
or wild clematis twisted together.
Marine archaeologists discovered it when they found a flooded Stone Age settlement just
off the coast of the Isle of Wight.
The team, led by Gary Momber of the Hampshire and Wight Trust for Maritime Archae-
ology, cut small blocks of the sea floor out for analysis after seeing the wooded remains
of the settlement by chance.
The string was buried in one of them. The find is remarkable because the fibres, made of
organic matter, would usually decay quite quickly.
Now the results have been published in British Archaeology magazine whose editor Mike
Pitts described it as a "fantastic find".
He said: "I don't think the average person realises what an important piece of technology
string has been over the ages."
Source

Fanny Hands Lane
Click pic to see it on Google Maps
Kissing squirrels
130
'Chav' nativity casts Mary as a 'Kappa-slapper'
Teenagers at Oakwood School in Bexley, Kent, were told to read through the script, that
also referred to Jesus turning water into Stella lager.
Another part of the short play talked about the police killing "bay-bees", while Mary re-
ferred to the extra benefit payments she would receive for having Jesus.
Mother Michelle Taylor, 35, branded the play "disgraceful" after being shown the text.
She said: "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. You try to encourage your children to
speak properly and then they get given this sort of thing at school. I know some young
people do speak like this sometimes but the school should not be condoning it in any
way."
She added: "In one scene they have Mary and Joseph breaking into a garage because
there is no room at the inn. That is not right.
"The pupil I spoke to thought it was highly amusing that Mary and Joseph were being por-
trayed as Chavs, but I didn't."
'Chav' is a term most frequently used to describe white working class teenagers or young
people who misbehave.
Oakwood is a mixed day school for 51 pupils aged 11 to 16 who have "social, emotional
and behavioural difficulties", according to its latest Ofsted report, which gave it a 'Good'
rating overall.
A spokesman for Bexley Council said the text was given out as part of a drama lesson in-
to the use of language.
The spokesman said: "It was never the intention of Oakwood School to use this script as
its nativity play. This piece of work was part of a sketch for year nine students were look-
ing at during a drama lesson on the use of language. 'This is definitely not the kind of lan- 131
guage that the school would ever encourage or endorse.
"The school apologises for any upset this confusion may have caused parents. We are
proud of our school community and our relationship with parents and pupils and would
never knowingly cause distress to either.
"The school's annual nativity play will be a traditional take on the Christmas story."
Full text
Pupil One: Do you hear what we 'erd, right, there's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a
virgin.
Pupil two: Wossat then? A train?
Pupil three: She's not married or nuffink. But she's got this boyfriend Joe, innit? He does
joinery an' that. May lives with him in a crib down Nazaref. Well anyways, one day right
Mary meets this bloke Gabriel right.
Pupil two: Gabriel? What sorta name's that den?
Pupil one: Dunno, sounds Chavvy to me.
Pupil two: Innit! Bruv.
Pupil three: She's like 'Ooo ya looking at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff,
you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked.
Pupil two: Innit?
Pupil one: She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I
never bin wiv no one!'
Pupil two: Yeah right! Bet she was a right goer.
Pupil three: Well, see the thing is she hadn't bin wiv no-one. Honest! So Mary goes and
sees her cousing Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spir-
its, Bacardi breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary. I can feel me bay-bee in me
tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed.
Pupil two: Think of all the extra benefits an' that that they are gonna get. Mary goes
'Yeah, s'pose you're right.
Pupil one: Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponce a donkey an' go dahn
Beflehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?
Pupil two: No surprised, I'd wanna pint an all.
132
Pupil one: Nah, to have her bay-bee an' that.
Pupil two: What, have the kid in the pub? That's outers, people in the pub having a quiet
pint then in comes this bird screaming and hollering 'n stuff. Put me off me drink that
would!
Pupil three: Shut up will ya! See the fing is there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary
an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an'
that.
Pupil two: On that's gross, near turned my guts that as!
Pupil three: Well then, these free geezers turn up, looking proper bling wiv crowns on
their 'eads. They're like 'Respect, baby-bee Jesus,' an' say they're wise men from the
East End.
Pupil two: What Minty and the Mitchell brothers?
Pupil one: On shut up! Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein
an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas, and Burberry?'
Pupil two: On yeah, that's proper stuff to give to a kid.
Pupil three: Well. Then blow me, some Welsh bloke's turn up wiv a sheep, well it's all
about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sex he's got another message from this
Lord geezer.
Pupil two: Shoulda used his mobile, he sounds a proper nutter.
Pupil three: Shut it! Anyways he's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin' all the baby-
bees. You better nash off to Egypt.
Pupil one: Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' down Egypt on a minging
donkey.'
Pupil two: Wouldn't get me on no minging donkey. Went on one at Margate in the sum-
mer, it proper stunk.
Pupil one: Will you give it a rest? Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you
stay.' So they go down Egypt till they've stopped killin' the first-born an' it's safe an' that.
Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.
Pupil two: Wicked! Wherdya hear about all this den?
Pupil one: Dunno, can't remember.
Pupil two: Well what yous getting for Christmas this year?
133
Pupil three: Dunno, perhaps a bita bling. I don't see wat all the fuss is about Christmas,
it's just an excuse to get stuffed and fall asleep in front of the telly innit?
Pupil two: Yeah bruv. Innit?
Source
Frosty reception guaranteed at Lapland's largest ever ice hotel
A frosty reception is guaranteed for visit-

ors to Lapland's largest ever ice hotel
which is due to open its doors for Christ-
mas.
Up to sixty guests per night will endure

temperatures between 32 to 23F (0 to -
5c) sleeping on beds made from blocks of
ice.
Residents' igloo rooms are supplied with sleeping bags, fleeces and instructions on how
to survive the "sleepover".
When they awake, hot berry juice is provided to help thaw them out. There are also two
"warm" subterranean rooms provided for less hardy travellers.
A team of 15 ice sculptors spent three weeks building the Ice Hotel from over a thousand
lorry-loads of snow.
This year, an extra three rooms have been carved from the ice, bringing the frozen ac-
commodation up to 30 suites.
All the rooms are decorated with ornate carvings and lit with multi coloured lights.
An ice bar and restaurant, ice slides and ice sculptures have also been created to keep
visitors to the Snowvillage near Kittila, Finland entertained.
The ice hotel has been built on the 7.5 square kilometre (three square mile) site every
winter for the last eight years. The entire complex will melt away as temperatures rise in
the spring.
Snowvillage designer, Heini said: "It seems that if we have a very cold autumn then the
spring will be warm and the Snowvillage will melt earlier.
"But, as like this year, our autumn has been warm, our spring should be colder. So hope-
fully we'll be taking guests until April next year."
134
Source
Mice caused firefighter to abandon station
The officer was sent to open the building

at Waltham Abbey, Essex, but fled after
spotting the tiny creatures and refused to
start the night-shift. A pair of mice closed
a fire station because of a fireman's ph
obia. The officer was sent to open the
The station was closed for two hours on

Dec 5 until the firefighter was ordered
back to work by bosses.
Waltham Abbey has a single fire engine and is crewed by regulars during the day but at
night retained part-timers take over and answer any emergency calls.
Assistant Chief Officer Gordon Hunter said: "The fire officer contacted his control at
around 10pm to say there were mice in the kitchen and he was returning to his normal
station.
"He was told by the manager there to return and re-open the station. We are waiting to in-
terview him when he returns to duty and in the meantime pest control firm has been
called in but found no evidence of any mouse infestation."
The force said the incident was under review and the matter is also being investigated by
the Fire Brigade's Union.
Regional Secretary Adrian Clarke: "Talks are going on about issues such as risk assess-
ment and working practices. But a rodent infestation is a serious matter whether it is a
hotel or a fire station."
A fire brigade insider said: "He may have a phobia about mice which is odd because fire-
men have to deal with all sort of animals in their work – including things like angry bulls –
so a mouse should not have been a problem. "
Source

Kitten loves broccoli
Posted by goldenlad at 11:13AM (UTC) 135

Frankie the feline exposed as the cat burglar stealing toys from his neighbours' homes
A real-life cat burglar has left his owner

feeling less than purr-fect - by swiping
dozens of cuddly toys from nearby
homes.
Frankie the tom cat has got his claws in-

to 35 teddies and soft toys in the last
year.
Owner Julie Bishop believes the two-

year-old feline is sneaking into her neigh-
bours' homes. He drags each one of his finds through the catflap before depositing them
on the same spot in the living room.
Julie, 52, said: 'Frankie looks very pleased with himself when he comes in with these
presents.
'He's been going out of the house and coming back with all these toys for pretty much as
long as he's been allowed out.
'They're all soft toys for cats I think. About 15 of them are all the same leopard. He
doesn't really play with them. He dumps them down and goes out looking for something
else.'
In the past year alone Frankie's haul has included teddy bears, leopards and a giant
squeaky beefburger.
Now Julie has plastered her home town of Swindon with posters to try and trace the
rightful owners.
Julie, who lives with her partner Gary Witts, 47, got Frankie from a Wiltshire farm in 2006.
She said: 'I'd be interested to find out what's happening when he goes out.
'Frankie is quite independent and comes in and out of the cat flap all through the day and
night.
'He's quite a friendly cat and likes to sleep on your shoulder, although he lets you know if
he wants to be on his own.'
Two weeks ago Frankie stole two green witch's heads, which must have come from a re-
cent Halloween party.
He has also swiped a range of old socks, nappy sacks, half-eaten beefburgers and chips
- as well as the traditional dead mice and birds.
136
Source
Company launches pre-chewed pencils
A British design company have launched

a new product to help children concen-
trate at school - pre-chewed pencils.
The company, called Concentrate, says

the pencils look like they have already
been chewed making pupils less likely to
put them in their mouths.
And they say this is a cheap but effective

way of encouraging youngsters to get
their teeth into their lessons instead.
Concentrate specialises in products to help kids at school and identify why they get dis-
tracted or are unable to focus in class, claim the chewed end encourages them to get
thinking straight away.
"We know it's daft but just get down to some concentrated thinking and who knows what
might happen," said company boss Mark Champkins.
"We began to look at the reasons that children might be distracted, uncomfortable or un-
able to focus in lessons - and we set about designing some simple, cost-effective
products to address some of the problems."
Source

Shop worker, 4ft 9in, sues Co-op for chip-and-pin machine repetitive strain injury
A 4ft 9in cashier has successfully sued the Co-op supermarket chain after she suffered a
repetitive strain injury reaching for a chip and pin machine. Jill Hyndman, 51, developed a
tendon injury in her right arm after the tills were revamped to include a pole-mounted
credit card reader.
137
But the company failed to take her small
stature into account when it redesigned
the tills, causing her to over stretch for
each card transaction.
An investigation found the new layout

breached health and safety guidelines be-
cause the chip and pin machine was
23cm too far from her reach.
Mrs Hyndman filed a county court claim for damages against the Co-op and has won an
undisclosed settlement. The Co-op has not admitted liability.
Her solicitor Julie Roberts said the case should be an example to others who suffer repet-
itive injuries at work.
She said: "Most workers don't like to make a fuss and just get on with things even if they
are in pain. But this just proves that you don't have to suffer in silence."
Mrs Hyndman has worked part-time at her local store in Cinderford, Glos, since 1990.
In 2004 the store was redesigned and the number of checkouts increased from 10 to 15,
with touch screens mounted above the scanning belts.
Chip and pin readers were added in May 2005 and the cashiers found themselves
stretching out of their chairs to reach them
Within a month Mrs Hyndman developed Tenosynovitis, an inflammation of the tendons

caused by repetitive straining.
Several staff complained, but Mrs Hyndman took her case to her union, USDAW, the Uni-
on of Shop, Distributive and Allied Workers, when the company did not alter the tills.
Forest of Dean District Council discovered that the touch screens and the chip and pin
readers breached guidelines set by the Health and Safety Executive in 2004.
They set out a "zone of convenient reach" whereby till units must be no further than
300mm from the edge of the work surface.
However, the chip and pin machines at the Co-op in Cinderford were 535mm from the
edge and the touch screens were 430mm away.
This made the till machines outside the comfortable reach of 95 per cent of women.
Mrs Hyndman still works at the store, which has now redesigned the layout of its tills.
The Midcounties Cooperative, which operates the store, declined to comment.

138
Source
Dude got a blowhole
Shanghai Lady Drives Off With Tow Truck

Man wins court battle to prove he's alive
A Romanian man has won a year-long fight to persuade the courts that he isn't dead.
Gheroghe Stirbu, from Timisoara, tried to renew his identity card but was told by officials
that he had been registered as dead.
Bungling civil servants had mixed him up with another man but although Stirbu pointed
out what they had done they refused to acknowledge their mistake until Stirbu won a 12
month legal claim to be declared alive.
Judges renewed his status as alive - and then charged him £500 in court costs.
Mr Stirbu said: "When the judge ruled in my favour I was absolutely delighted - and then
seconds later was absolutely shocked when I found out I would have to pay so much in
legal bills.
139
"I will of course appeal the imposition of the costs but I am already beginning to wonder
whether or not I would have been better off staying dead."
Source
Elephant Porn

Evil Dead The Musical
Bizarre makeovers of 'creatively groomed' poodle
Sandra Hartness, 37, uses eight-year-old pet poodle

Cindy to demonstrate her designs.
Cindy has won dozens of awards after being fluffed,

shaved and coloured to look like everything from a
chicken to a dragon.
And she is quite happy to oblige - sitting perfectly still

for more than two hours while the transformation
takes place.
Mrs Hartness, the owner of pet-grooming salon

Sandy Paws, started competitive creative grooming
eight years ago.
She said: "I found out about creative grooming com-

petitions through an article in a trade magazine called Groomer and Groomer.
"I spotted the amazing designs and immediately thought 'gosh!' I can do that and I know I
can do it better.
"I started to think of pattern ideas and looked for inspiration all around me - from the tele-
vision, books and even in my back garden.
"The competitions are a really big deal - you've got to do the styling in front of hundreds
of people.
140
"The first couple of times I felt so sick and almost had to back out because of nerves.
"But I convinced myself it was just a bit of fun and it's been fine ever since."
Sandra's first design was a green dragon, which earned her second prize in the 'First
Creative Grooming' category at the Creative Grooming competition.
She has since won seven first prizes for her designs, which have to be completed in just
two and a half hours.
She said: "Competition rules state that you can do some colouring and outline a pattern
before the day - but you're not allowed to shave the dog for six weeks beforehand.
"You're under quite a lot of pressure but Cindy is so calm and collected when she's on
the table - she's all business during the competition.
"She just stands there and does her job and when we're done she jumps off the table and
wags her tail at everyone.
"Cindy is like a show dog - when she's on the table she behaves perfectly."
The dogs do not have to stand up for the whole two and a half hours - Cindy is able to lie
down and is allowed the occasional toilet break.
Sandra, who lives in Yucca Valley, California, admits the reaction to competition and her
extraordinary designs is not always positive.
She has even received hate mail from people concerned with Cindy's welfare but Sandra
insists her beloved dog is not in any danger.
She said: "Most people are positive about what I do but lately I've had a lot of negative
comments from people saying that it's wrong and I'm hurting Cindy.
"I would never hurt my dog - she really is my best friend.
"Cindy never leaves my side. She's is like my shadow - We go everywhere together. She
even comes to work with me every day.
"People don't seem to understand that the colours I use on Cindy are safe enough for a
child to eat.
"It's food colouring and coloured chalk - both things that children put in their mouths.
"I know she won't come to any harm but I have her blood tested at least once a year to
be on the safe side.
"And Cindy doesn't look like that all the time - most of the colours wash straight out and
all the dogs are shaved after the competitions anyway."
141
Sandra stressed that she would not do the competitions if Cindy didn't enjoy them and
says the pampered poodle enjoys being in the limelight more than her owner.
She said: "Cindy loves it - I wouldn't do the contests if she didn't enjoy it but she knows its
her job.
"When I get my travelling bag out to pack for a contest she knows where we going and
gets really excited."
Source
Nuts! Chipmunk takes over woman's car
When the turn signal and windshield wipers went out on Hope Wideup's car, she didn't
think much of it.
It was a 2004 with about 60,000 miles, just about the right age and mileage for some
minor problems to crop up.
What the DeMotte resident didn't expect was what she discovered under the hood of her
vehicle.
Nuts, black walnuts, and lots of them.
"There were thousands in there. They were everywhere," Wideup said.
Now, $242 in car repairs and towing later, Wideup thinks she has figured out just how
those walnuts made their way to her car.
Wideup speculates it all started in the fall when a chipmunk snatched a garden glove
from her yard. She tried to chase the creature and get it to drop the glove, but then de-
cided since winter was coming the chipmunk might need it for a nest.
She later found the glove in the engine compartment of her car when she was trying to
repair the broken turn signal. Since she couldn't fix the turn signal, Wideup let the car sit
unused for a couple weeks before dealing with the minor repairs.
When she went to start the vehicle, the engine made a huge revving sound.
It was at that time she looked under the hood again to find a sea of black walnuts filling
the entire engine compartment.
"Apparently this little guy stuffed a bunch of these nuts in the accelerator throttle,"
Wideup said, which caused the engine revving.
142
Wideup said she was surprised an animal would do this in a car. She moved to DeMotte
in March from Hobart, where she said she saw the occasional chipmunk but never had a
problem.
Bryan Overstreet with the Jasper County Purdue Extension said animal problems are not
uncommon, especially in vehicles that are not used often. However, more often it is mice
that take up residence in a vehicle.
Once an animal finds its home it can be difficult to stop it from returning. With a vehicle it
is important to not let it sit unused.
The best bet to stop the animal from continuing the behavior is relocating the creature.
"The biggest key is you probably want to keep it from coming back there. You have to
move him," Overstreet said.
Wideup said so far the chipmunk hasn't returned. She is alternating her two cars so one
doesn't sit too long. In the meantime, she is taking the situation in stride.
"This time of year I surely wasn't prepared for that $242.08 expense," she said. "It's
funny, but it's not."
Source

143
Pub landlord has ashes buried at the bar
A dedicated landlord who lived from

cradle to grave at the same pub has had
his dying wish granted by regulars who
had his ashes buried at the bar. Jack
Woodward was born in the Boat Inn,
Stoke Bruerne, near Towcester,
Northants, and lived there until three
weeks before his death aged 83.
Now his remains lie beneath a flagstone

with a plaque reading: "Stand here and have a drink on me. Jack 1924 – 2008."
Mr Woodward started on menial tasks at the popular 17th century Boat Inn aged 14 and
worked there all his life.
He stipulated in his will that he wanted the public bar to be his final resting place.
His eldest son Andrew, 52, who now runs The Boat Inn, was only to happy to oblige.
144
He said: "He was born in the pub and spent almost his whole life here so it's not too sur-
prising.
"He used to sit in the bar quite a bit but latterly he was in a wheelchair, so it was a bit diffi-
cult to get him in there.
"It was where he would have a drink with some of the regulars."
He said his father, who died in May this year, also chose the bar over the local church-
yard, St Mary the Virgin, because it was much warmer.
He said: "As a youngster, he would have to go twice a day with his father because he
played the organ.
"Jack had to pump the organ for him and I think he got a bit fed up with having to go there
on Sundays, saying it was too cold.
"So he is now in an oak casket and exactly where he wanted to be."
The octogenarian had three hip operations, two leg amputations and an eye removed to-
wards the end of his life – but his son insists he never complained.
"He said they could take whatever they wanted from him, but they would never take his
smile," he said. "He had a very good sense of humour."
Source
PG Tips puppet monkey to deliver alternative Christmas speech
The puppet monkey from the PG Tips

tea adverts will dress as the Queen to de-
liver an alternative Christmas speech this
year. Dressed in regal attire including a
white frock, pearls and blue sash, the
knitted woollen doll called Monkey will
brief the nation on the highlights of 2008.
The speech, which features the puppet

sporting a grey wig, red lipstick, and
spectacles perched on its nose, will appear on the video sharing website YouTube from
Monday.
The content of the festive address has not yet been revealed.
The stunt comes ahead of a new advertising campaign for the tea brand.
It is a prelude to a pastiche of the Morecambe and Wise breakfast sketch starring the
145
chimp and comedian Johnny Vegas that will air for the first time on Christmas Day.
The brand’s most recent advertising, which also features Vegas and Monkey, highlighted
its deal with the Rainforest Alliance. By 2010 it will buy all of its tea from plantations guar-
anteed by the alliance.
The duo have starred in adverts for PG Tips since 2006.
The breakfast sketch is one of Morecambe and Wise’s most famous scenes, in which
they make breakfast to the classic striptease theme tune The Stripper.
The new advert will screen on ITV1 on Christmas Day between 9.05pm and 9.25pm.
The brand, owned by Unilever, claims that Britons drink 35 million cups of its tea every
day.
Source

China's pyjamas police fight Shanghai's daytime love of nightwear
A local community in Shanghai has set its sights on

one of urban China's most intractable social prob-
lems: the wearing of pyjamas in public.
The neighbourhood committee – a volunteer outpost

of the Communist Party – in the city's north-eastern
district of Rixin has decided that wearing pyjamas in
the street should be discouraged.
"We're telling people not to wear pyjamas in the

street because it looks very uncivilised," Guo Xilin, a
local official, was quoted in local media as saying.
In contrast to their leaders' formal appearance at offi-

cial functions, China boasts some of the most laid-
back dressers in the world.
Partly as a result of living at close quarters in city alleyways, especially since Chairman
Mao flooded the rich suburbs with the rural poor, privacy is at a premium and inhibitions
are loosened.
In Shanghai, in particular, it is regarded as socially undesirable to make social visits

without appointments in summer, in case the family is lounging around in their under-
wear to keep the heat at bay. But, wearing pyjamas to pop down to the shops or to com-
munal loos hardly raises an eyebrow.
146
As China has become richer, the practice has only become more common: having a
smart pair of pyjamas shows you can afford not to have to sleep in long-johns and string
vests.
The Rixin decision has divided the locals. While Mr Guo called pyjamas "visual pollution",
one elderly resident was quoted as saying: "Pyjamas are also a type of clothes. It's com-
fortable, and it's no big deal."
Shanghai may, of course, just be trying to keep up with its great rival, Beijing. The
capital's Spiritual Civilisation Committee issued scores of edicts in advance of the
Olympics governing citizens' behaviour, ranging from instructions on how to queue, ap-
ply make-up and comb your hair, to detailed advice on clothing.
Its guidelines were particularly critical of men who wore white socks with black shoes, but
also weighed in on the subject of both pyjamas and the other great fashion faux pas – the
male trouser leg rolled up to the knee to cool off.
Source
Farting Jingle Bells
Very friendly
GIGANTIC microbes
Click pic for website and to purchase

Woman told to remove Christmas lights to avoid offending non-Christian neighbours
A woman was told to remove her Christmas lights by a housing association worker in 147
case they offended non-Christian neigh-
bours. Dorothy Glenn decorates her
home in South Shields, Tyne and Wear,
with hundreds of festive lights every year,
including a giant tree and a 4ft Santa
Claus.
But this year she was astonished when

an employee of South Tyneside Homes
called at her house and informed her that the decorations she was displaying might be of-
fending her neighbours.
The association has now apologised to Mrs Glenn and started an investigation but a
spokesman insisted that removing Christmas lights was not part of their policy.
Mrs Glenn, a 41-year-old mother-of-three, said: "I put the lights up in the first week of
November and then recently a uniformed housing worker was outside, and it looked like
he was counting my decorations.
"When I went outside he said that the lights were 'offensive to the community'. If I was of-
fending anyone I could understand why he was telling me, but nobody has complained.
"My neighbours are Bengali and Chinese and I know that they love the lights, the chil-
dren will always point them out when they walk past."
Mrs Glenn, who has lived at the property for four years with son Owen, 19, and daugh-
ters Samira, 21, and Chelsea, 15, said she valued her close relationship with neighbours
and enjoyed living in a community with people from different backgrounds.
She said: "I told him that I am far from a racist and that I wouldn't be taking the lights
down. I'm shocked, annoyed and upset. At the end of the day, it's the festive season and
they're staying."
Independent councillor Ahmed Khan, who represents Mrs Glenn's ward, condemned the
employee's actions.
He said: "Every year this woman puts her Christmas lights up and I know how popular
they are. It's great when people make an effort to decorate their houses.
"It's this kind of nonsense that sets race relations back 20 years. That woman did noth-
ing more than decorate her house to celebrate Christmas."
A spokesman for South Tyneside Council said: "We would like to make it clear that South
Tyneside Homes is happy for residents to put up Christmas lights to decorate their
homes.
"Christmas lights bring a bit of festive cheer to everybody and we are delighted to see ex-
amples of tenants and leaseholders across the borough taking so much pride in the ap-
148
pearance of their homes.
"We have received no complaint about this alleged incident, but are investigating the mat-
ter and apologise for any upset this may have caused."
Source
World's first refrigerated beach
The world's first refrigerated beach is being created in Dubai so tourists don't burn their
feet.
A computer-controlled system of coolant-filled pipes under the sand will keep temperat-
ures comfortable, reports The Sun.
The beach will be created next to the new Palazzo Versace hotel in the Arab state.
Guests wanting to chill out in summer heat hitting 50°C (122°F) will also have a cooled
swimming pool and a gentle breeze generated by huge blowers.
Bosses hope the gimmicks at the hotel, due to open late next year or early 2010, will at-
tract some of the 800,000 Brits who visit Dubai each year.
British firm Hyder Consulting is overseeing the construction. The five-star hotel is linked
to the Versace fashion brand and aims to attract designer-conscious clients.
Soheil Abedian, president of the company that owns the Palazzo Versace, said: "This is
the kind of luxury top people want."
But Rachel Noble, of Tourism Concern, said: "Dubai is like a bubble world where the
things that are worrying the rest of the world, like climate change, are simply ignored so
people can continue destructive lifestyles."
Source
Salvation Army 'banned from rattling charity tins'
Salvation Army bands have been forbidden from rattling their charity tins this Christmas
to avoid "intimidating" people, it has been claimed. Members have been issued with
guidelines stating that they must keep their tins still even when music is playing. One vo-
lunteer with the Christian charity said she had been told that rattling could also offend
other religions.
149
Salvation Army bands are a fixture of town centres
over the Christmas period, with the money they raise
from performing carols used to support the charity's
large network of social programmes.
But rarely-enforced laws regulating public collec-

tions are now being used by some local councils to
limit their work, sparking anger from donors and per-
formers. Band members who breach the rule face
being moved on or even prosecuted.
"I've been doing this for more than 40 years and I fail
to see how rattling a tin could cause offence," one
told the Daily Mail newspaper.
"If I was shaking a tambourine I could do it all day – if I shake my tin, I could end up in
court."
A spokesman for the Salvation Army said their was no blanket ban on rattling tins, but
said that volunteers were instructed to stay within the law. It is up to individual local coun-
cils and police forces to decide how the rules covering charity collectors are enforced.
"We want people to donate from the best of motives, so we advise collectors to avoid rat-
tling their tins or asking people directly for money when stood on the high street," the
spokesman said.
Source
Swiss watch found in 400-year-old tomb
Archeologists in China are baffled after

finding a tiny Swiss watch in a 400-year-
old tomb.
The watch ring was discovered as arche-

ologists were making a documentary with
two journalists from Shangsi town.
"When we tried to remove the soil

wrapped around the coffin, a piece of
rock suddenly dropped off and hit the
ground with a metallic sound,? said Jiang
Yanyu, former curator of the Guangxi Autonomous Region Museum.
"We picked up the object, and found it was a ring. After removing the covering soil and
150
examining it further, we were shocked to see it was a watch."
The time was stopped at 10:06am, and on the back was engraved the word "Swiss", re-
ports the People's Daily.
Local experts say they are confused as they believe the tomb had been undisturbed
since it was created during the Ming dynasty 400 years ago.
They have suspended the dig and are waiting for experts to arrive from Beijing and help
them unravel the mystery.
Source
Forget naked jam makers - prisons are the surprise calendar hit for 2009
Forget naked Women's Institute groups or scantily

clad fire crews, a calendar featuring the drab walls of
Britain's prisons has become a surprise best-seller.
Even the Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, has a copy

of the unlikely stocking-filler, Her Majesty's Prisons of
England 2009.
The less-than-glamorous forms of Strangeways,

Wormwood Scrubs, Dartmoor and Pentonville, are
among 12 institutions turned into unlikely pin-ups.
It follows the surprise success of the Boring Post-

card books which became an overnight success with
its prints of motorway service stations, roundabouts
and shopping centres.
The idea was dreamt up by Kevin Beresford, a 56-year-old printer and courier from
Worcestershire, whose fascination with the less aesthetically pleasing features of Britain
have spawned a series of books and calendars on such subjects as roundabouts and car
parks.
"Every year you see the same calendars on the shelves, such as Jordan and Cliff
Richard, so I decided to come up with something totally unique," he said.
"I'm a courier and everywhere I turn there seems to be a prison so I went up and down
the country taking pictures and turned them into a calendar.
"It started off as a bit of a joke but the orders have been pouring in.
"I gave one to Jacqui Smith, who is MP in my hometown of Redditch, and she thought it
151
was hilarious."
The year begins with Wormwood Scrubs while the Victorian form of HMP Leicester, the
all-male Nottingham prison, Long Lartin in Evesham and HMP Gloucester also feature.
"The calendar shows prisons from all over England from Hull to Dartmoor," said Mr
Beresford.
"It seems to appeal to all sorts of people although I've not had any orders from prisons
yet."
Source
Slow-Motion Punches

Now that's a mullet!

RAC's strangest call-outs
Motorists being locked out of their cars by their pets, a hapless groom who had locked
his wedding rings inside his vehicle and even a close encounter with an alligator are
among a new list of the most bizarre incidents Britain's breakdown services have been
called to.
Dogs are the most frequent animal offenders and several have managed to shut their
owners out of their vehicles on petrol forecourts by activating the locks with their paws,
according to the RAC.
152
Its patrols have also attended incidents
where dogs had swallowed car keys and
damaged vehicles by chewing the wires
and steering wheels.
One patrol called out to a car that

wouldn't start discovered a family of rats
living in the fuse box, where they had
chewed through all the wires.
Another RAC member was mystified as to why he couldn't unlock his car and, on arrival,
the patrol had to point out that he was trying to get into the wrong vehicle.
Another motorist called up because they had managed to lock £80,000 in cash in their
boot, while In one of the RAC's more dangerous call-outs a patrol had to fix a van taking
an alligator to a zoo.
One in three of the motoring organisation's patrols also reported that they had arrived at a
call-out to find amorous couples in the broken down vehicle.
A survey of its patrols found 39 per cent had helped a motorist get to a life-changing
event, such as a wedding, on time and one even reported helping to deliver a baby.
RAC patrol of the year Iain Vale said: "Our patrols respond to around 2.7 million roadside
assistance call-outs every year and this survey reveals the extent of the very odd and un-
usual nature of what sometimes awaits us.
"Whether it's meeting members who keep their dogs ashes in an urn in the car, calls ask-
ing whether they can extend breakdown cover to their electric wheelchairs, or a new kit-
ten that's panicked and hidden in the dashboard, we get our hands dirty."
The RAC's other bizarre call-outs included:
:: A hapless groom nearly didn't marry his bride when he locked the wedding rings in his
car.
:: A £30,000 violin had to be rescued by a RAC patrol from a jammed seat belt so that its
owner could get to a concert in time.
:: A kitten being driven to his new home panicked on arrival and escaped into the dash-
board of the vehicle. The entire dashboard had to be dismantled. Similar call-outs in-
volved snakes, mice and hamsters.
:: On opening the back of a broken down van a patrol was startled by 17 pairs of eyes
staring back at him belonging to a cast of falcons.
:: One RAC patrol rescued a referee on his way to a football match just hours before the
153
game was due to kick off.
:: Another patrol rescued a police car, stuck up to its windows in mud having chased a
runaway criminal across a ploughed field.
Source
Driving up an icy hill
Microwave jingle

Funny disabled parking sign
Cow is curious
Nigella's XXXmas
Knitting for Psychos

154
Click pic for site.
Cigarette chewing dog killed on way to tobacconists
A 10-a-day cigarette chewing 24-year-old Dachshund has been knocked down and killed
– on his way to the tobacconist's shop.
General Edi has been munching his way through half a packet of cigarettes every day
since he was a puppy, said owner Wolfgang Treirler.
But Edi has died after he was hit by a car during a walk to his favourite cigarette shop.
"Poor Edi dashed out in the road in excitement right in front of a car.
There was nothing anyone could do," said one neighbour in Graz, central Austria.
Mr Treirler said:"His old owner abandoned him and so we took him in 17 years ago, and
noticed straight away that he was in the habit of eating cigarettes.
"He eats the tobacco and the paper, and then chews a while on the filter before spitting it
out.
"On average he eats about 10 cigarettes a day, but all of his teeth are fine."
A local vet, Harald Mayr, said: "Nicotine normally leads to poisoning in dogs, but in this
case the animal has obviously become addicted to it which has increased its level of tol-
erance."
Source
New aftershave bottles changing room smell
The smell of a football changing room has been made into a new aftershave.
Scent of Success is created from a blend of grass, sweat, boot leather and heat spray,
reports the Daily Telegraph.
It is made by Sports Interactive, who also make cult computer game Football Manager. 155
They say it has been created from
samples collected from a number of suc-
cessful teams' dressing rooms.
Miles Jacobson, a spokesman for Sports

Interactive, said the aftershave will be giv-
en away with copies of Football Manager
2009, which was released last month.
He said: "If Britney Spears and Kerry

Katona can have their own fragrance I don't see why we can't.
"Our scent will bring the dressing room into the homes of Football Manager 2009 players,
inspiring them for pre-match team talks, preparing them to direct their team from the side-
lines and prime them for a tricky press conference."
It is the latest in a long line of bizarre scents that have been bottled and sold as fra-
grance.
Burger King has just launched a meat-flavoured body spray called Flame. And earlier this
year the Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks launched its own aftershave and perfume range.
Source
I love hores

Actual college theme paper
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime
example offered by an English professor at an American University.
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is
simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One
of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first
156
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a
third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written
each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and
anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree
a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two English students:
STORY:
(First paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So chamomile was out of the question.
(Second paragraph by Jim)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S.
Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his trans- galactic communicator.
"Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers
of Skylon 4. Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and
Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed hurriedly and
carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract
her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?"
she pondered wistfully.
(Jim)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
157
wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament
Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target
for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the
human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor
off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion,
which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't
allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of
the sky!"
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
(Jim)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh
no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels."
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
(Jim)
Bitch.
(Rebecca)
Wanker.
(Jim)
slut.
(Rebecca)
Get f*cked.
(Jim)
Eat shit.
(Rebecca)
F*CK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
158
(Jim)
Go drink some tea - whore.
(Teacher)
A+ I really liked this one.
Dolphin Stampede
The most popular guy in prison

Best bathroom signs ever
Wizard of Oz (Alternate Ending)
Fake DVD dealer tries to sell films to trading standards officers

159
The office Christmas meal turned into a
working lunch for trading standards of-
ficers when they were approached by a
man who tried to sell them fake DVDs.
The hapless dealer hoped to make a

quick profit after spotting a group of of-
fice workers in the Rose and Crown pub
in Streatham, south London.
But he made the mistake of offering up to 300 fake DVDs to officers of Lambeth Council
who are responsible for cracking down on counterfeit sales.
They showed the man their identification before seizing the discs and his mobile phone.
He will be questioned by trading standards officers and police this week.
Ray Bouch, senior trading standards officer for the council, said: "This guy definitely
picked the wrong customers. He looked a bit shocked to say the least when we pro-
duced our ID and it dawned on him who we were.
"The afternoon turned into something of a working lunch for us. Our turkey went a bit cold
while we were questioning him and confiscating his goods, but it's our job to get these
things off the streets.
"A lot of people think buying fake DVDs is a victimless crime, but street sellers are often
working for crime cartels linked to drugs, people smuggling and other crimes, and they
use sales of illegal DVDs to fund their activity."
The DVDs being offered for sale included Hollywood titles as well as illegal pornography.
Cllr Sally Prentice said: "Lambeth's trading standards officers are never off duty."
Source
Purple squirrel baffles experts
A purple squirrel which appeared at a

school has baffled experts who are un-
able to explain its colour. Teachers and
pupils at Meoncross School in Stubbing-
ton, Hants, were amazed when they saw
the creature through the window during a
lesson.
Since the squirrel, now nicknamed Pete,

was first seen, it has become a regular
fixture at the school but no one has been able to say whether the animal has fallen into
purple paint, had a run-in with some purple dye, or whether there is another explanation.
160
Dr Mike Edwards, an English teacher, said: "I was sitting in my classroom and looked out
the window and saw it sitting on the fence. I had to do a double take.
"Since then it's been a bit of a regular at the school - everyone's seen it.
"We thought it might have been paint or something but then when you look at it up close,
it's an all over coat, not in patches like you'd expect if it had been near some paint.
"Its fur actually looks purple all the way through. It's an absolute mystery."
Pupils, staff and parents have contacted vets and even e-mailed television nature expert
Bill Oddie to see if an explanation could be found.
Lorraine Orridge, the school's registrar, believes Pete's coloured fur looks like a school
uniform.
She said: "The squirrel has become a bit of a legend among staff and pupils at the
school.
"He makes an appearance most days and we always look forward to seeing him.
"We don't think he is a mutant squirrel but he may have had a mishap around the school.
"The old building where we have seen him nipping in and out is a bit of a graveyard for
computer printers. He may have found some printer toners in there.
"We haven't seen any purple baby squirrels yet."
TV wildlife expert Chris Packham believes Pete will moult and lose his purple fur in time
for spring.
He said: "I have never seen anything like it before.
"Squirrels will chew anything even if it's obviously inedible. It is possible he has been
chewing on a purple ink cartridge and then groomed that colouring into his fur.
"Alternatively he may have fallen into a bucket containing a weak colour solution that has
stained his fur.
"Underneath there's a normal grey squirrel who has just given himself an unusual hair
colour - you would pay a fortune for that in some salons."
Source

Longest moustache ever 161
Special service: The 72-year-old milkman who delivered cannabis with the daily pinta
Robert Holding was the sort of milkman who always liked to

help his customers - particularly the elderly ones.
So if they left him a little note asking for something extra, he
tried to get it for them.
But some of their requests went beyond the usual dozen
eggs or bottle of orange juice.
Holding, 72, has admitted supplying cannabis to some of his
older customers.
He was caught placing small bars of cannabis resin into
empty egg cartons, and leaving them on doorsteps.
When he was confronted by police, Holding told officers he
would only ever supply pensioners with the drug to help
them with their 'aches and pains'.
Cannabis has been shown in studies to help ease pain in
arthritis and other conditions.
But a judge told the elderly milkman his special delivery ser-
vice would inevitably lead to a spell behind bars.
Burnley Crown Court has heard that Holding only delivered to pensioners on his delivery
round who had found out about his extra service by word of mouth.
The grandfather had 17 drug customers who would regularly ask for cannabis.
Police said that the customers would leave out handwritten notes with their empty milk
162
bottles requesting him to leave the Class C drugs
with his next delivery.
Acting on information, police launched an undercov-
er operation and watched him as he delivered milk
on his regular round over several weeks.
Finally they arrested the pensioner at his home in
Burnley, Lancashire. During a search of the house,
officers found 167 grams of the Class C drug.
In a police interview Holding accepted he had sup-
plied cannabis resin to 17 households while on his
milk delivery round.
Holding appeared in court charged with two counts
of supplying and possessing the drug between April
1 and July 18 this year.
Wearing blue jeans and a scruffy dark jersey, Hold-
ing pleaded guilty to the charges.
Phil Holden, defending, told the court: 'The defendant, in police interview, mentioned who
he dealt to. He said it was for elderly people with aches and pains.
'Those who he supplied, and there were not many, were through word of mouth and his
customers were all of a certain age.'
Mr Holden said the grandfather supplied a small bar of cannabis to his regular customers
every three to four weeks.
Adjourning the case, Judge Beverley Lunt said that Holding, who has previous convic-
tions but none for drug dealing, faced an inevitable jail sentence.
Judge Lunt said: ' You must understand these are serious offences and in my judgment
the likely outcome is an immediate custodial sentence.'
The case was adjourned for a pre-sentence report. Holding was released on bail and will
be sentenced at Burnley Crown Court on February 6.
Studies suggest that cannabis and cannabis-based medicines can provide effective pain
relief for those suffering from illnesses.
It is also thought to help fight nausea and vomiting in the advanced stages of cancer and
AIDS.
Campaigners also claim that the drug can be useful in treating asthma, strokes, Parkin-
son's Disease and Alzheimer's Disease.
A House of Lords Science and Technology Committee has recommended its use for
medicinal purposes.
Source

City hit by 'legal to pee' prank
People should ignore signs telling them that it is legal to urinate in certain public places
in Nottingham, the city council said.
The signs, which were put up by pranksters in and around Nottingham, are designed to
look official.
They feature a toilet sign and include the words: "Public Urination Permitted After
163
7.30pm".
Nottingham City Council is now urging the
public to ignore the notices as it sets
about removing them.
The prank also featured a laminated note,
headed with the logo of Nottingham City
Council, which said the scheme was
aimed at reducing the mess faced by res-
idents outside their homes.
A spokeswoman for the authority said: "It
is an offence to urinate in public and
these signs have been put up illegally, for

whatever reason.
"We would urge people to ignore them,
otherwise they could find themselves in-
advertently facing a prosecution.
"We are taking the signs down as quickly
as possible and if anyone spots one of
the illegal signs we ask them to please
contact the city council so they can be re-
moved."
The notice reads: "In an attempt to re-
duce late night public nuisance, during
the holiday period, Nottingham City Coun-
cil has designated several public urination areas across the city.
"This urination area will be cleaned daily between the hours of 5am and 6am."
Source

Inquiry into US plastic surgeon who 'used fat from clients to run car'
US authorities are investigating a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon who claims that he
used fat he removed from patients in liposuction operations to power his "green" four-
wheel-drive car.
California's public health department has opened an inquiry into claims made by Dr Alan
Bittner that he had turned fat removed from his patients into biodiesel.
Mr Bittner wrote on his website: "The vast majority of my patients request that I use their
fat for fuel - and I have more fat than I can use.
"Not only do they get to lose their love handles or chubby belly, but they get to take part
in saving the Earth."
The website lipodiesel.com has since been shut down and Mr Bittner's clinic has closed.
164
US business magazine Forbes reported that Dr
Bittner used the "lipofuel" to power both his Ford Ex-
plorer car and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator.
It is not known how Dr Bittner went about turning the

fat sucked out of patients into fuel.
But he claims to have carried out more than 7,000

lipo operations - and according to Forbes, a gallon of
fat will produce about a gallon of fuel, and drivers
can get about the same amount of mileage from fat
fuel as they do from regular diesel.
It is illegal in the US to use human medical waste to

power vehicles.
Source

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

'World's unluckiest tourists' witness three separate terrorist attacks
A couple have been labelled the world's unluckiest tourists after being caught up in three
separate terror attacks during their holidays.
Jason and Jenny Cairns-Lawrence, from Dudley, West Midlands, were in central Mum-
bai last month when the Indian city came under siege from Islamic militants.
They were also in New York during September 11 2001 when terrorists flew two passen-
ger planes into the World Trade Centre, bringing down the twin towers and killing almost
3,000 people.
And four years later they were in London on July 7, when terrorists blew up three London
Underground trains and a double decker bus, resulting in the deaths of 52 commuters.
Dental laboratory worker Mrs Cairns-Lawrence, 26, said: "It's a strange coincidence. The
terror attacks just happened when we were in the cities."
The couple praised Mumbai for the city's speedy recovery, adding that it had been some-
what of an inspiration.
She added: "As I looked around, it was impossible to tell that such a ghastly thing had 165
happened.
"In New York people carried the look of terror in their eyes for weeks after the carnage.
"In London, the police appeared more scared than the people."
The couple refused to cut short their holiday following the Mumbai attack, which saw 164
people killed in coordinated attacks on hotels, a restaurant, a Jewish centre and a train
station.
Mr Cairns-Lawrence, a sales manager, 42, said: "I would say that Mumbai sprang back to
its feet faster than New York or London.
"New York took almost a week to come back to normal. But Mumbai was back to its usu-
al business from day three. "It was just amazing."
Source

Guide dog eats charity money
A guide dog infuriated its owners by eat-

ing £255 of charity money they had col-
lected.
Gordon and Claire Webb left the cash on

a coffee table overnight but were worried
when they awoke to find it missing.
But after spotting a few chewed notes ly-

ing around their house, it soon emerged
that their dog Lewis was the culprit.
They had to wait for nature to take its course before they were able to retrieve some of
the shredded notes.
And the Bank of England has promised the couple that it will try to replace some of the
money if they can collect enough remnants and take them to a bank.
The cash had been collected for local charities by the Frinton Rotary Club in Essex after
two fund-raising events.
Mr Webb, a Rotarian, said: "I went down in the morning and thought he had just shred-
ded some paper. Then I realised what it was: lots of chewed notes.
"I think I lost my voice for two days shouting at him, but we can't be cross with him for
long as he's just too cute. He gets round us very quickly."
166
Mr Webb has promised to refund any losses to the charity caused by Lewis.
The couple added that they have now pledged to hide any money where the five-year-old
labrador/retriever cross cannot reach it.
They have managed to save some of the torn notes and plan to take them to a bank after
Christmas.
Source
Marking in red ink banned in case it upsets schoolchildren
Hundreds of schools have banned their teachers from marking in red ink in case it up-
sets the children.
They are scrapping the traditional method of correcting work because they consider it
"confrontational" and "threatening".
Pupils increasingly find that the ticks and crosses on their homework are in more sooth-
ing shades like green, blue, pink and yellow or even in pencil.
Traditionalists have condemned the ban sweeping classrooms as "absolutely barmy",

"politically correct" and "trendy".
They insist that red ink makes it easier for children to spot errors and improve.
The red pen goes back further than most schools, having been developed during the mid-
19th century when ammonia-based dyes became available.
But the opposition to using red ink is now a worldwide trend with recent guidelines to
schools in Queensland, Australia warning that the colour can damage students psycholo-
gically.
There are no set guidelines in this country on marking, and schools are free to formulate
their own individual policies.
Crofton Junior School in Orpington, Kent, whose pupils are aged 7 to 11, is among hun-
dreds to have banned red ink.
Its 'Marking Code of Practice' states: "Work is generally marked in pen - not red - but on
occasion it may be appropriate to indicate errors in pencil so that they may be corrected.
Teachers must be sensitive about writing directly onto pupils' final work."
Head teacher Richard Sammonds said: "Red pen can be quite de-motivating for children.
"It has negative, old school connotations of 'See me' and 'Not good enough'.
"We are no longer producing clerks and bookkeepers. We are trying to provide an educa-
tion for children coming into the workforce in the 21st century.
167
"We use highlighter pens in all colours of the rainbow Â apart from red.
"There are pinks, blues, greens and fluorescent yellows. The idea is to raise standards by
taking a positive approach.
"We highlight bits that are really good in one colour and use a different colour to mark
areas that could be improved."
Hutton Cranswick Community Primary School in Driffield, East Yorkshire also has a ban.
Its 'Marking and Feedback Policy' reads: 'Marking should be in a different colour or medi-
um from the pupil's writing but should not dominate. For this reason, red ink is inappropri-
ate.' Shirley Clarke, an associate of the Institute of Education, said: "Banning red ink is a
reaction to years of children having nothing but red over their work and feeling demoral-
ised.
"If since Victorian times, teachers had used blue ink to highlight good work and red for
areas of improvement, people probably would not have got so upset about red ink.
"But when children, especially young children, see every single spelling mistake covered
in red, they can feel useless and give up." However, she warned that children could soon
realise that green is the new red.
She said: "In actual fact, the colour of ink used to mark is irrelevant. It would be equally
damaging to keep covering a child's work in green ink, picking up on every mistake.
"It is all about the balance of the marking, pointing to a child's successes as well as
where they could improve so that they do take it all on board."
Nick Seaton, chairman of the Campaign for Real Education, said: "Banning red ink is ab-
solutely barmy.
"Common sense suggests that children learn by their mistakes and occasionally they
need upsetting to teach them to pull their socks up.
"Self-esteem has to be built on genuine achievement, not mollycoddling, which only

harms children in the long-run.
"Red ink is the quickest way for pupils to see where they are going wrong and raise
standards.
"This is politically correct, trendy teaching gone mad. I give teachers who have ditched
their red pens nought out of ten. They've failed."
Source
Quiz show addict who just keeps on winning

168
A television quiz show addict who has
won more than £50,000 in 20 appear-
ances is celebrating again after scooping
£29,000 on the game show 'Deal or No
Deal'.
A television quiz show addict who has

won more than £50,000 in 20 appear-
ances is celebrating again after scooping
£29,000 on the game show Deal or No Deal.
Father-of-three Leon Wilczynski, 52, a sales manager for a refrigerator company, was
watching Bob Monkhouse's Full House in 1986 when he began answering questions in
his living room.
Encouraged by his ex-wife to enter, he applied to be a contestant and has since ap-
peared on The Weakest Link, Wheel Of Fortune, 15 to One and Brainteaser.
His latest appearance was alongside Noel Edmonds on the random number game show
where he won £29,000 pounds – although he missed out on a possible £65,000.
He used the winnings to take his wife on holiday to Turkey.
Mr Wilczynski, who lives in Huddersfield, West Yorks., with present wife Casey, 52, said:
"I'd always enjoyed quizzes and I like to participate in things.
"I was sat there answering Bob Monkhouse's questions and my ex-wife was getting fed
up. She basically said 'If you're so good why don't you go on it?'
"A number flashed up at the end so I rang them, and to my astonishment I got on after an
audition.
"I've won several luxury holidays and quite a lot of money. It might sound corny but I don't
go on for the money.
"Every single show I have been on has been an absolutely brilliant experience. They
really look after you and you meet some wonderful people.
"Basically, normal life can be a bit dull and boring. This breaks up the routine and I have
always liked to get involved."
Mr Wilczynski applied to appear on the Channel 4 show and had to take two weeks' holi-
day from work.
He said: "I asked my boss for two weeks off to go on a game show – luckily he was great
and wished me the best of luck. They film three shows a day so generally you only need
a fortnight off.
169
"When my name was called out to play the game I was blubbing a little. That's because
15 minutes earlier a contestant called Sam had walked away with just a fiver when she
could have won 9,000 pounds.
"She was a lovely lass and really needed the money so we were all gutted for her. Then
she was whisked away and we had to go out in front of the cameras again. It was nerve-
wracking and quite emotional."
He added that his quiz show appearances have not always been successful. He said: "In
the mid nineties I went on a show called Crosswits with the comedian Barry Cryer
presenting.
"I saw my opponents were two little old ladies, and as they walked slowly into the studio I
thought I would be nice to them, not be too competitive and not humiliate them.
"I got an absolute hammering. It turned out they were members of Mensa and wiped the
floor with me. It was a total humiliation and I got a fair bit of stick for it. My ambition is to
appear on Countdown – I think everyone loves that show."
Source
Britain's weirdest phobias include a fear of peas and kneecaps
A terror of frozen peas, a fear of barns

and a dread of kneecaps have emerged
as some of Britain's most unusual phobi-
as.
While spiders and heights are common

sources of anxiety, many people's lives
are blighted by phobias of seemingly in-
nocuous objects.
David Allison, a therapist based at Addenbrooke's hospital, in Cambridge, was filmed

treating some of the worst sufferers in an ITV1 documentary to be shown next week.
They included Sue Williams, 37, from Dudley in the West Midlands, who is so terrified of
knees that she has not touched her own for 16 years and cannot say "kneecap" without
bursting into tears.
"I don't like my own. I can't touch them. I certainly can't touch anyone else's," she said. "I
know it's strange. People tease me about it and they have got every right to. But I think
I'm the normal one and everyone else is weird."
Until her therapy sessions, Mrs Williams was unable to wash her knees in the bath and
could not look at her husband's knees.
Mr Allison's treatment involved showing her photographs of knees, which reduced her to
sobs. In the final session, he wore a pair of shorts and encouraged her to look at his
170
kneecaps until the feelings of terror subsided.
Louise Arnold, from Gloucester, has a pea phobia which means she cannot walk down
the frozen food aisle of a supermarket.
Explaining her dislike of peas, she said: "They tend to just look at me – ganging up on
me. All the hairs on the back of my neck go up. I have to know where they are in the su-
permarket before I go in. It's just controlling my life now. I would like to be a dinner lady at
my daughter's school, but I'm not even able to be in the same room as someone eating
them."
Other sufferers in the programme included Kim Crosby, from Cambridge, who is terrified
of barns. "It's very hampering in the summertime because I would like to drive around
with the roof of my car down, but then there is nothing to protect me."
Mr Allison treated another patient, Earleen Taylor, who is so frightened of frogs that she
sprints from her car to her front door in case one is lurking in the garden. Miss Taylor, of
Sutton, Surrey, said: "I have a sixth sense for frogs. When it has been raining, I'm on red
alert. I start to hyperventilate, and am gripped by fear."
Tea bags, tree roots and midgets are other terrors discussed in Britain's Weirdest Phobi-
as, broadcast on Tuesday at 8pm.
Source
Record numbers change names by deed poll
A record 46,000 people changed their

names by deed poll this year, including
one man now called Happy Adjustable
Spanners after losing a drunken bet.
Other eccentric names adopted by Bri-

tons this year include Luscious Lemons,
General Ninja Ant and Aron Mufasa
Columbo Fonzerelli Ball In A Cup Boogie
Woogie Brown.
A 61-year-old woman from Exmouth in Devon changed her name to Saxon Knight to
mark her retirement. Mrs Knight, formerly Janice Glover, said: "To me retirement is the
start of a new life so I decided I would get a new name too. I chose Saxon because I love
the UK.
"I have changed it on my driver's licence and passport too. People seem to like it."
The number of people who changed their legal names in 2008 was up 15 per cent on the
previous year, due to the increasing number of divorces and a rise in the number of older
people applying online.
171
Mike Barratt, chief executive of the UK Deed Poll Service, said they expect a surge of ap-
plications next month as family rows over Christmas cause couples to separate.
"January is hectic because thousands of people have a 'new name for the new year' atti-
tude and also because there are many marital breakdowns over the Christmas period
resulting in separated women wanting to revert to their maiden name."
Although most people adopt a new name for marital or relationship reasons, hundreds
made the change to bring a bit of cheer to their lives.
There is now also a Mr Tintin Captain Haddock Confused Brewer, a N'Tom TheHaye-
maker Haywardyouliketocomebacktomine and a McLovin, the latter named after the lead
character in the teenage film Superbad.
Mr Brewer, a 25-year-old stockbroker from Leeds who used to go by the name Chris,
chose Tintin due to his receding hairline. Captain Haddock is another Tintin reference.
Source
172
173
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0100192442 and Remember are trademarks of SharedBook Ltd. in the US
and/or other countries. All rights reserved by their respective
174 parties. Patents pending for the SharedBook technology.
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LIABILITY LIMITED TO COST OF PRODUCT.
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yellowblister December 27, 2008

The Hereford and Normandy breed cows

A veterinary expert who examined the

Posted by goldenlad at 08:18PM (+01:00)

Cow drowned into the sea for being impregnated by human

During the ritual the man, who was caught red-handed

Julah customary village head Ketut Sidemen said the

Posted by goldenlad at 08:23PM (+01:00)

Contractors paint yellow lines around car

A Leeds City Council spokesman said:

"We have to comply to the letter of the

Posted by goldenlad at 08:49PM (+01:00)

Posted by goldenlad at 09:39PM (+01:00)

Posted by goldenlad at 09:41PM (+01:00)

Posted by goldenlad at 10:10PM (+01:00)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Posted by goldenlad at 12:32AM (+01:00)

Broomsticks banned from school halloween party

Children have been banned from bringing broom-

Langham Pre-school announced it was barring

The fancy-dress party has been running at the

But this year committee members decided to officially

“It’s the same as banning conkers.

Posted by goldenlad at 10:50AM (UTC)

Posted by goldenlad at 11:13AM (UTC)

Police Arrest Mich. Man For Car Wash Vacuum Sex

Police say a Michigan man has been ar-

The Saginaw News reports the 29-year-old

Police Sgt. Gary Breidinger says a resident

Posted by goldenlad at 11:04PM (UTC)

They eat LARD

Posted by goldenlad at 11:33PM (UTC)

Monday, October 27, 2008

A MAN trapped his hand in the u-bend of

Firefighters cut him free after his arm be-

"He came out on a stretcher, with his

The train was travelling from La Rochelle to Bordeaux on Sunday.

Posted by goldenlad at 11:04AM (UTC)

An Audi TT with British registration plates

But because continental speed cameras

Instead, they keep capturing clear views

Posted by goldenlad at 11:37AM (UTC)

Driver follows sat-nav into lake

A Polish driver steered his mini bus

Stunned police got a frantic call from the

"A man phoned in panic from his mobile

Posted by goldenlad at 02:34PM (UTC)

Posted by goldenlad at 04:57PM (UTC)

Posted by goldenlad at 06:34PM (UTC)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Posted by goldenlad at 07:35AM (UTC)

Cigarette drink aims to beat smoking ban

Anti-smoking groups have already expressed their concern however.

Posted by goldenlad at 11:34AM (UTC)

Wanted: for cruelty to dummy animals

Posted by goldenlad at 11:37AM (UTC)

Jeremy Kyle couldn't come up with this!

Posted by goldenlad at 08:25PM (UTC)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Vietnam considers driving ban for small-chested people

Vietnam is considering a ban on small-

The ministry of health recently recom-

Statistics on average chest size were unavailable.

Posted by goldenlad at 10:40AM (UTC)